I actually find the topic of waifuism very interesting, although I’m not exactly sure as to why. Escapism as a whole is something that intrigues me, being a big partaker of it myself. Therefore, I reckon a lot of it stems from the desire to explore myself and why my brain works the way it does.
I suppose, as a starting point, where it all begins is the simple fact that I have very poor self-esteem, as is the case I believe is common amongst many of the more “serious” partakers in waifuism.
I see my body as undesirable and have a hard time imagining anyone ever imagining me in an attractive light, which isn’t to say I’m fat or really all that ugly or anything of the sort, I just have horrible self-image issues that stem from more personal inner demons.
Anyway, as a result of this there was a point in my life not too long ago where I had begun to prepare myself as to forever being alone. The concept of actual romantic relationships was something I had deemed as being above me, so as a coping mechanism I started to shun the idea of lust and romance, trying for years to convince myself that such things were unnecessary to a happy life. Which is true in a sense, but on a more personal level, it was the denial that I, at the very least, craved such things which led me into a state of light depression and self-loathing. So waifuism is something that’s always seemed to conflict with me, a sort of unrequited love, that on top of being one sided, doesn’t even have the slightest chance of coming to fruition, because, well, the obvious fact they’re not real, which made it feel more like a cruel tease than anything. How anyone is able to make life out of obvious fiction, I’m fucking jealous.
Anyway, I suppose I’ve always had waifus in the sense that there existed a plethora of characters who I found attractive on a more simplistic level, where it stemmed from more of a fondness of their aesthetic appeal rather than any sort of deeper affection for their personality.
My first “true” waifu wasn’t until pic related. As someone who’s working an average of 10-12 hours a day, with maybe one day off every two weeks trying to make the money needed to change my life, the concept of being so close to happiness only for it to be denied at the last minute is something that does really fucking tear me apart, as is the case with two ton tit Tomoe over here.
I never lavished myself with her though, at most I’d use her as my desktop wallpaper. So despite there being an obvious bit of affection, I’m unable to delude myself into treating her as anything more than a fictional character I just so happen to have a particular fondness for.
But to have such a fondness for something you're unable to grasp as anything more that pure fiction, it's truly is a special kind of hell. The mere concept that I could only ever love and never be loved in return, it's fucking scares me. I can't even bring myself to get off to any sort of porn of her, seeing myself in comparison to her, it makes me feel all kinds of inadequate and thus results in an immediate boner kill.
However, having since recently become involved with someone romantically, literally the first time ever in my life, a lot of these concerns have diminished quite a bit. But I'd be lying if I said they haven't, for lack of a better term, scarred my psyche a bit for various reasons which I'll spare you the details of.
I don't think I ever made any sort of actual point in any of this nonsense, but being /kind/ I'm sure ya'll wouldn't mind me unloading some mental baggage regardless.
So yeah, there’s my disorganized two cents on the topic. If I sent your autism radar into a frenzy, I apologies. But in fairness I feel as though that’s inevitable when dealing with something like waifus.