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Advice or Comfort needed Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 14:31:00 No.28146

I'm just gonna let out here a little if that's okay, I've been in a Long Distance Relationship with my Girlfriend for about 4 Months now, and thus far it had made me feel better than anyone else has ever made me feel, but it's also made me more sad and depressed than anyone else has, because you see, along with LDRs, you need trust, and the last person I trusted overseas cheated on me 4 times in 5 months, and I didn't find out until 2 months after the break up, which hurt, but now, With this new(-ish) Girl, I don't think she would, but I wouldn't rule it out, but it's not her fault, there is someone she is friends with (and she used to be friends with me too but seeing or speaking to her just made me feel empty and sad), and seeing as my group of friends +her read Homestuck, this problematic girl happened to take and use "Moiraillegiance" as an excuse to get closer to my girlfriend, and what hurts the most is it seems to be working, and it's pushing me away, I feel like even though /I'm/ with her, she seems to prefer this friend, even her mother seems to have more fun with this friend, and it makes me sad, because I feel like I'm not doing good enough.

But another issue is that I always have to be careful because if I say anything that is remotely concerning, she'll get angry at me, and usually if anyone else is angry at me I'll be angry back, but when it's her, I get scared, and it happens a lot, I make mistakes, she is sensitive and I know that, but every time I suddenly get responses like "ok", "cool", "you do you", and a bunch of dots, I just, I fall into a pit of sadness and self hate, and it's worse because some part of me KNOWS I didn't do anything.

I care too much /kind/, and it hurts me, she hurts me, but when she's happy it's like I'm being blessed by the best thing known to man.

I'm sorry if this is a little disjointed but I can't think straight and I just-

I need someone to hold me that won't hurt me afterwards for a little bit, I just want to feel at home, I just want to be comfortable and not have to walk on eggshells, I want to be /in/ someone's arms, I want to not cry every night because actions listed in asterisks just won't cut it.

In all honesty I want to leave this place, I want to go away, but I can't because I don't want her to leave either.

Fuck.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 15:37:03 No.28150

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glad you have a relationship, unlike me I never had one since like almost forever. O yeah I had once and It was like 10 years ago. Shit sux, she dump me like nobody give a fuq and chase another guy instead. Since then I never have anyone anymore.

Sorry, kinda drunk a bit as I was typing rhis. God damn my head hurts………,/

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 15:54:35 No.28151

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I'm sorry friend I'm not too good at giving advice, but I hope that everything turns out okay for you.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 16:32:47 No.28155

You're a very sensitive person and there are two paths that people like you take:

- there are these who sublimated this sensitivity into art or science and achieved the greatest things

- these who didn't, and with no way to express their emotions, they suffered until they killed themselves

I'm simply jealous of your unfulfilled longing for intimacy and I think you should appreciate it because it could be the source of power that is beyond human (if you channeled it into the right places)

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 16:44:35 No.28156

>>28155

This, pretty much. Don't let that longing go to waste, because you'll regret it.

That's what happened to me.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 17:09:54 No.28158

>>28155

And don't waste it on the undeserving.

That's what happened to me.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 20:16:23 No.28173

File: 1457727383459.gif (51.05 KB, 320x240, 4:3, 1411178142327.gif)

I don't know if it has started to affect me too deeply but I get worried sometimes because when I cry, it's for shorter and shorter periods of time, and not it's only for a few seconds before I just lay there feeling empty, I don't acknowledge anything other than the fact that maybe things aren't going the way they are supposed to, one thing that also bothers me, and something that had got her to yell at me is the fact that there are double standards, on facebook she told me to block a person because she didn't like them, there was a legit reason, and I did as she asked, and a week later she had added this person back (as she unfriended this other person), and as soon as she notices I'm still friends with someone else that she doesn't like, at first she didn't mention it but I knew she wanted me to block her, but I didn't because she was my friend, but no, I was inevitably yelled at and message blocked for a while.

It's one thing to be angry at me, but If I'm not allowed to try to justify what I do, I begin to lose it, and you guessed it, I ended up blocking and losing a friend.

Why do I try to stay with her?

Every time she threatens to leave I cling on like there's no tomorrow.

I bet it's fucking stockholm

ugh, I get so disgusted in myself for falling into this

Because before all of it started, before things were official, I told her she should just move on with her life of she'll get hurt

But hey, now I'm getting hurt

and I don't like it.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 21:53:24 No.28180

>>28146

>I always have to be careful because if I say anything that is remotely concerning, she'll get angry at me

>I just want to be comfortable and not have to walk on eggshells

>I want to be /in/ someone's arms

You need to stop having long distance relationships.

You need to find someone who respects your feelings and concerns. Being worried that she's cheating on you is not selfish, and your partner needs to understand that or fuck off.

You need to be someone who is worth respecting. Not someone who gets high off the approval of someone who is half-assed texting you from a million miles away. It hurts, but I just want to be kind here.

Friend 03/11/16 (Fri) 23:31:14 No.28185

File: 1457739074708.gif (Spoiler Image, 522.78 KB, 450x253, 450:253, 1441201626877.gif)

Since this is /kind/ and not /r9k/ I´ll skip the insults and tell you that you should cut all contact now, and I mean it. Block her on all platforms and all overlapping social circle people too, no fancy good-bye message either.

I am speaking from experience and I´d like to save you the trouble of dealing with mental problems once this inevitably ends.

There is no such thing as neutralizing the bad parts with the good parts, there is only a bigger fall for you to have

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 00:21:00 No.28188

File: 1457742061919.png (1.23 MB, 1366x768, 683:384, Screenshot (145).png)

Update; I've told all this to her mother, and I am waiting for a response, hopefully if her Mum agrees with me, I'll be able to leave without the family hating me, but even if I do leave, I think I'll just feel bad for her, because I know something bad will happen, and I will only have myself to blame, I am lowkey waiting for her to be angry at me again so I can leave without it being evidently of my choosing however.

and

>>28180

It isn't so much the cheating that gets to me right now, it's the fact that someone else is stealing all her attention and affection under the guise of a fictional excuse to be "The very best of friends, who look out for each other and are above relationships" yada yada

It makes me sick

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 02:19:46 No.28189

No avatarfriendging on /kind/, please.

It sounds like you guys have trouble being open and honest with each other. You should be able to speak your mind. If you feel you can't, it's a doomed relationship. You need to lay your feelings out to her, and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

Breaking up is hard, but it gets better in time. A relationship should not cause you such pain.

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 02:29:46 No.28190

>>28189

The only reason I used the avatars is because I don't feel that just saying "OP here" is necessary, but I will stop, and pardon the trouble.

But I am currently trying to sort things out with her, via voicing problems in the relationship, etc, and trying to fix them, I know it's far fetched but it's worth a try

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 02:35:42 No.28191

>>28190

I hope you can work it out. Good luck to you!

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 02:37:21 No.28193

>>28191

Thank you, it means a lot, probably more than you think, but yes, I might indeed need all the luck I can get

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 11:54:39 No.28217

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>>28190

>I am currently trying to sort things out with her

If you still want to work things out with the type of person you described in >>28173 as in, someone who MAKES YOU BLOCK PEOPLE SHE DOESN'T LIKE then you deserve what you're getting. I don't care if there was a "legit reason" like he pissed on her dog or something. You are either your own man or you are not.

>double standards

>flip-flopping

>micromanaging your social media

>temp-blocking you like a toddler

>costing you a friend

I'm not r9k or MGTOW or any other arrangement of letters and numbers, but if you continue down this path the only comfort you'll be worthy of is from your bull while you're prepping him for the GF.

The feeling of loss and longing you get when she emotionally blackmails you is the result of a chemical release in your brain. Cut that parasite out of your life, work through the temporary pain, and you'll see what you were doing wrong. Oh, and go get your friend back.

This is your last stop before people really start looking down on you. Not to be /unkind/.

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 19:53:21 No.28235

I spent half an hour crafting a lengthy dissection of your gripe, and I've just lost the fucking thing, so here are the cliffnotes :

1) Situation's fucked, it's not your fault, it's a biological thing.

2) You have to let her go. Be civil, be honest - you were hoping for something more, and you can see she's not interested. Exercise willpower to keep away. Don't let her lure you back in.

3) Pursue younger girls IRL, join a drama club, for instance. You won't be as attracted to them initially, but that will change. Younger girls will be more willing to help you weather the hormonal storms you're finding yourself in, because older boys are novel & have social capital, and they're stronger. Hang with girls who are two to four years younger, and they'll probably give you what you want.

I know you don't like this, but please, please believe me when I say that you are capable of attaching yourself to a different girl. Your interest in the lass you're currently with doesn't go beyond the admittedly-powerful allure of her femininity - there are plenty of girls out there.

You probably won't listen to me, because you've been raised to be undisciplined and this requires a degree of work to fix, as well as some courage. But you either listen to guys like me who have done this shit before, or you wallow in misery like a muppet and learn the hard way.

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 21:19:38 No.28241

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Alright, I broke it off.

After hours of explaining and consulting her mother over skype, and getting her to make sure that my now-ex doesn't do anything stupid, I told her that I just couldn't do it, I explained the situation and how I felt, how /she/ made me feel, and she all of a sudden turned defensive, with apologies and lowkey guilt trips, but as I had decided, I said if she can't accept that then I'd have no choice to block her on every form of contact or potential contact she has with me.

At this point I have a Migraine and my hands are cold, but I know it'll be okay, I've got her message blocked and will for a few days/weeks, and in the meantime I've got a few drinks to help me not feel regret.

But knowing me I'm going to be angry towards it all in a month or so.

>>28217

I managed to reclaim my friend, after explaining what happened, granted she's a little annoyed that I had blocked her to begin with, but it'll be fine in that aspect.

>>28235

I know to listen to experience as I have given advice before, just to have them ignore it and be further hurt, so what you said was greatly taken into account.

I guess really, All that's left to do now is let the feeling of regret pass, which won't be long because I don't necessarily regret this at all, I'm just concerned for her health.

But yeah, it'll be a while before I throw myself at any other girls, I'm just gonna be happy that I'm not being hurt by one.

And if my ex happens to try to get back at me, I'll be happy knowing I've got dirt on her to last a decade.

Friend 03/12/16 (Sat) 22:26:20 No.28244

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>>28241

>At this point I have a Migraine and my hands are cold

>I've got a few drinks to help me not feel regret.

You did good! Remember that as you kick the drug that is the bad relationship. Chemically, there is little difference.

>it'll be a while before I throw myself at any other girls

Not that I've experienced this, but other girls may be a great way to take your mind off. It's called a 'rebound' and it's fairly common. Just realize that you may be feeling disproportionately affectionate due to the previous loss. Don't get stuck with whoever it is due to having no one better to turn to.

Friend 03/13/16 (Sun) 00:50:52 No.28248

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>>28244

I will surely remember that, and I have felt a little better, after a few drinks, naps and albums later.

I might consider finding someone else, but where I am, it's a little hard to do, because either everyone is already with someone, or has better things to do.

But even after this all, I still feel like I need someone to hold me close, someone to show that they actually love me, but then again, don't we all?

Friend 03/13/16 (Sun) 01:59:47 No.28254

File: 1457834387614.gif (1.55 MB, 235x240, 47:48, 1411248962807.gif)

>>28241

>Alright, I broke it off.

nicely done, good to see you cutting out that damaging relationship.

>But yeah, it'll be a while before I throw myself at any other girls

no haste here make sure you are ready for this before you go out there again.