How to be kind

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How to be kind Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 02:13:13 No.28300

I have a question for all the kind folk here:

How do I become kind?

I've been alone for most of my life. I hated this feeling, so I tried to approach people and be nice, but every time I did, my kindness was abused and spat upon, sometimes literally.

Because of that, I closed myself off, further than ever before. And now, if anyone attempts to approach me, I am incapable of trusting them and, as a result, act unkind. It's a defense mechanism, in a way, to protect me from being hurt again.

But I have come to a point where I cannot be kind to anyone, and every act of kindness from others seems fake.

So, the question: How do I regain trust in people after being received and hurt at every opportunity?

How do I become kind again?

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 02:22:52 No.28302

You gotta keep trying until you find someone who reciprocates in kind. That's about it. Open up and hope for the best. Meeting people is a roulette.

Can you tell us more about those previous experiences, friend? Go in detail about what made you like you are now. Perhaps we can get better understanding of you that way.

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 02:31:19 No.28303

>>28302

Not much to say, really.

>meet a person

>become decently close

>get dumped

Usually because I'm an autistic sperg.

This is pretty much how every friendship went. Just that there was a bigger gap after each subsequent one, until I gave up.

I'm not sure if giving up was even that bad, considering that constantly getting abandoned drove me to attempt going to sleep.

yeah, I'm that much of a fuck up that I can't even go to sleep right

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 02:52:55 No.28305

>>28303

Any examples of such spergness? Are these online or real life relationships?

Is just life in general shitty or is this just the only thing that ails you? Do you have money, a comfortable home or something else? Or are you living in the edge barely with anything to eat?

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 03:00:14 No.28307

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Here's one thing I always tell everyone I meet on the internet who's asking for advice.

The only advice you should follow is…

don't follow any advice.

Including this one.

You have to figure for yourself what you want, what's best for you.

Different people have different strategies to discover that, I personally withdrawn myself from the world and start brainstorming out of thin air.

So before you ask how to become kind, ask yourself if it's really worth the effort to change yourself into someone you're not.

Not being kind is not bad.

Persons who are not good with peole are often good with numbers, computers and the like.

Persons who are good with people envy those qualities of the persons who are not good with people.

To the left, a random image selected from my "big folder" folder.

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 03:08:31 No.28309

>>28305

>Any examples of such spergness?

Just generally saying the obviously wrong thing at the wrong time, making the people feel awkward. It's why a lot of people don't like me.

>Are these online or real life relationships?

Many cases in real life, at least 10, with 3 of them being attempted romantic ones, and one online, which I often forget, but it was there.

>Is just life in general shitty or is this just the only thing that ails you?

I can't even say that this ails me.

>Do you have money, a comfortable home or something else? Or are you living in the edge barely with anything to eat?

An apartment, but I live with my family. As for money, not really. I'm not starving, but not exactly rolling in it.

Not sure why this matters, though.

>>28307

>You have to figure for yourself what you want, what's best for you.

If I could, I would. But I gave up on my own abilities long ago.

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 12:17:05 No.28324

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>>28309

>Just generally saying the obviously wrong thing at the wrong time, making the people feel awkward

This is a skill that you simply have to get better at. Although if you are not naturally talented (neither of us are) then progress is slow and there is a limit to how much you can grow here. But I assure you that you can learn simple things to keep this from happening, and that it is worth it.

If someone will leave you behind just for making them feel awkward, they were not meant for you anyway. So don't worry too much about it. If you realize that you said the wrong thing again, apologize or make a joke about it. They will come to understand that this is simply who you are: someone who spergs sometimes. Then they will begin to trust you and feel comfortable.

>I am incapable of trusting them

>and every act of kindness from others seems fake

This seems like it would be tough to deal with. Why does it feel fake? Perhaps your feelings are correct, who knows. But forcing yourself to look for goodness and kindness in the people you meet might help.

>Many cases in real life, at least 10, with 3 of them being attempted romantic ones

At least you have those experiences. The master has failed more times than the student has ever tried.

>I gave up on my own abilities long ago

That's not good. Confidence is often key. So try building the confidence to be kind.

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 12:54:32 No.28327

Being kind starts with yourself. Are you kind to yourself?

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 14:20:51 No.28330

>>28327

I don't have any reason to be kind to myself, and every reason to be unkind. The answer is obvious.

Friend 03/14/16 (Mon) 22:04:34 No.28346

>>28309

>You have to figure for yourself what you want, what's best for you.

>"If I could, I would. But I gave up on my own abilities long ago."

So you're esentially throwing your luck to anonymous users in an imageboard far far away from the normal surface of the internet.

If you want other people to lead your life, then don't rely on anons. Seek professional help, or at least call a hotline.

>>You have to figure for yourself what you want, what's best for you.

>If I could, I would. But I gave up on my own abilities long ago.

Friend 03/20/16 (Sun) 23:01:26 No.28654

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>>28330

Being unkind to yourself does not make any sense, unless you subscribe to some weird philosophy where unnecessary suffering is considered to be desirable.

I think the essence of kindness is a wish for the well-being of yourself and others. If you want to be kinder, you should find this wish inside you, and make it stronger.

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 04:18:18 No.28665

>>28300

gimme a hug friend~

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 12:56:57 No.28676

>>28654

>I think the essence of kindness is a wish for the well-being of yourself and others. If you want to be kinder, you should find this wish inside you, and make it stronger.

Kinda hard to find that wish when it seems like everyone else is against you. Well, that's what is seems like, anyway. That's how it's been so far throughout my life.

I thought that maybe if I was kinder to others, they'd be kinder to me, but my kindness has so far only been abused and taken as weakness.

>>28665

>gimme a hug friend~

I'm terrible at hugs, though. They're always awkward as hell.

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 14:42:51 No.28680

>>28307

>Telling people not to follow advice

>On a board founded on giving advice

I mean I get the self improvement thing you're going for but it don't make much sense tbh fam

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 18:48:10 No.28703

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>>28676

So do you want to be kind or do you want other people to be kind to you?

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 18:56:38 No.28705

>>28703

It's a strange thing, isn't it?

I suppose I want to be kind, so that therefore, others would be kind to me, if that makes sense.

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 20:12:17 No.28706

>>28705

So you don't actually want to be kind…

Friend 03/21/16 (Mon) 20:50:44 No.28708

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>>28706

Well, if you want to put it that way…

Thanks for reminding me I'm a sack of shit, by the way. Spending a day actually enjoying myself for once made me almost forget.

Not like you're wrong, though.

I honestly never really cared for kindness. It seems to me like any time I was kind, people would walk all over me. All of them, whether it be school, work or anything else.

The only reason to be kind for me is to somehow win them over, but I suppose that's a hopeless cause, isn't it?

On a related note, how do I get used to living alone and stop longing for human interaction? I think it'll allow me to live a couple years longer before the inevitable happens.

Friend 03/22/16 (Tue) 04:15:38 No.28726

To answer all your questions:

You do it, by doing it.

Make it your karma – and I don't mean the white-washed western misinterpretation. I mean as the ancient Hindu (who believe "you" are all, and all is "you", hence their mindset of karma makes no sense to those who believe they're wholly separate from the cosmos and not as contiguous with the everything-there-is as waves from the ocean or leaves growing from a tree) where what you put "out there" (I.e., put into yourself) is what "comes back to you" (I.e., you put it in you, so… well, there it is).

So put kindness "in you", "into" the Ultimate Ground Of Being (which is you; YOU are IT), and there it is, there you are. You are kind because you are kind. The verb and the noun are one and the same.