/kind/ - Random Acts of Kindness

What I'm going to say is some pretty disorganized yammering so buckle up if you plan to read.

>"wanted" to be sad/depressed

I told my little brother something like that in regards to that but in regards to aniety towards scary things, him jumping at phrases and going into a certain baby-ish mode that often enough he puts on. I feel I was wrong to say that to him though. My family is is largely depressive, probably the worst of it falls on me. Being there I don't believe he wants to be overwhelmed by his emotions or you either. I don't, and like you suggest you want a way over it. In the end there you also try and compare what you have to trauma and abuse but I think you should appreciate that it's an imbalance more than anything.

I don't wish to waste your time so let me start of the rest of my thoughts saying I have no answer to your overall concerns. Again, I do understand a bit though. I often get to wondering what positive my meds give to warrant the sickness and inhibitions they give me. I recently gave up therapy because I didn't see the value in identifying things I push out of mind anyway and those weren't answers I wanted. -so you're told you just have to do it, put yourself out there and let positive experiences turn you around. As far as I can see it helps but it's brief and unfulfilling regardless.

You and I are not the same person but I for one have given up hope. It's bleak as shit but as I see it everyone is hardened clay and there's very little that can be done to fix someone's faulty physical/mental/emotional base. -but I don't want to push you further down than you already feel, I just want to say that if you believe there's an nook where you can be, appreciating something that through it all is important to you, I hope you take it. It's a longshot but maybe as you do just get by that way, a only somewhat "okay", a miracle will present itself and you can turn around your emotional state for real.

If none of this was helpful I apologize.

>>28666

>How do I learn to be happy?

You can't.

Emotions are a happening. They happen to you.

Stop clinging to the desire to control the uncontrollable – and to everything else – and you will.. no, you won't find it, but what you seek will find you.

>>28673

What a load of buddha.

>>28666

Lemme give you a little tidbit, Satan.

No one can be happy all the time. Hell, most people aren't happy most of the time. But they keep on keeping on because there are those brief moments that bring them joy. We look forward because we hope that we'll see another beautiful snowfall, play another great game with friends, eat at your favorite hole in the wall next week, listen to that album again, relax in the bath after another long weekend, or laugh at the stupidest jokes that you've heard a thousand times.

But every day you trudge through the monotonous muck and mire in quiet sorrow, and wallow in spite at another person, is another day you've put off finding something that makes you happy. But it's also another point of contrast that brightens up even the dimmest of lights.

You don't have to seize the sun to find a source of bright, happy light. Start small. Appreciate the morning hours of daylight. Laugh at a terrible joke or two. Listen to your favorite album. Take time out of every day to seek the bright things in your life. Try something new! Pick up a hobby, and stick with it if you find it fun, or drop it if you don't.

You might get discouraged along the way. You'll never find something like that, you'll say. It won't get better, and things will just continue as they have been. Well you're wrong there. Where do you have left to go when you reach the bottom? You can walk its endless floor, or you can kick off to what's above you. Mind you, gravity will pull you back down. But each time you jump your legs get a little stronger, and eventually you'll find yourself far above the ground. Just remember that you have to come back down, only to jump up again.

In short, friend, baby steps. Start small, and be patient. You have decades to reach the top.

t. A guy who struggled with depression for years when drugs, shrinks, and religion never worked

>>28691

>No one can be happy all the time. Hell, most people aren't happy most of the time. But they keep on keeping on because there are those brief moments that bring them joy. We look forward because we hope that we'll see another beautiful snowfall, play another great game with friends, eat at your favorite hole in the wall next week, listen to that album again, relax in the bath after another long weekend, or laugh at the stupidest jokes that you've heard a thousand times.

No I understand that's what life is like for everyone. It sucks and then you die and most people do exactly what you said.

I don't though. I haven't felt happiness in years. Not from snowfalls, not from games, not from food, not from music even if I think it's fantastic (I love music. I create my own but I don't feel happy doing it. I just do it to escape my shitty thoughts.), not from baths or hot tubs, not from stupid jokes or even retarded copypasta on the internet that even if I laugh at, I don't feel happy.

Maybe I do feel happy from some of these things but I don't know what it feels like to be happy. I just don't get it.

>Where do you have left to go when you reach the bottom? You can walk its endless floor, or you can kick off to what's above you. Mind you, gravity will pull you back down. But each time you jump your legs get a little stronger, and eventually you'll find yourself far above the ground. Just remember that you have to come back down, only to jump up again.

Sounds like what I've been doing for the past decade, except I only wander the endless floor and the gravity is due to a black hole; you never escape. I know part of it is due to unconditional/genetic/physical issues with my brain that haven't been solved, but even if they were I don't think I could make that jump to reach out of the bottom. I don't know how to jump that high if that makes sense.

>Gotta have a little sadness once in awhile so you know when the good times come; I'm waiting on the good times now.

I agree but the wait seems… endless.

I'm not some guy who is just throwing away all attempts at help, so if I'm coming off that way to you, I'm sorry friend. I appreciate what you've written but… I don't know. Maybe I can't learn to be happy until the physical (well it's really mental but it stems from physical issues) thing that makes me feel this way is fixed. Does that make any sense?

The most important realization to have is that happiness is a natural state of being it must not be forced and there is such a thing as 100% happiness without any pain or suffering. There are many who are proof of this, but to pretend you are happy when you are deeply miserable is to deny the very circumstances that have brought you away from happiness (most likely people who are running away from their feelings too) the best thing you can do is remove yourself from these toxic people as swiftly and cleverly as possible as they can also be hostile with envy when they discover there is someone who has more than them. Sad, I know, but it doesn't have to be this way. You can be a hero by standing up for your own happiness and that will quickly spread happiness to those you love. Peace and namaste. I hope this has helped.