I propose Plutonian-Administered Socotra English.
What if the island of Socotra, which is south of Yemen and east of Somalia, was invaded by cybernetic aliens from Pluto, and they enslaved the human population? What if said aliens had learned everything about humans from the internet, TV, movies, games, literature, etc. especially from English-language stuff? And, since very few people in Socotra speak English, the aliens would teach it to them so that they could do all the work for them, including ones that require language skills. What would the human population's language turn out like?
Starting off with a normal English sentence, I'm going to simulate its evolution:
I am a human being and the Plutonians are my masters.
First, let's simplify it a little for context:
I'm being human and the Plutonians are my masters.
Now, a little phonetic shift towards simplified Arabic/Socotran:
Aym beeng yuman and de Plutonyans are may masters.
Let's strip the short vowels, indicating that the Arabic script was used and the language was taught in this format to kids:
Aym bng yumn nd d Pltnyns r m mstrs.
New vowels would likely develop with time, especially if the Latin alphabet was introduced and phonetics weren't taught much:
Ayem bang yumen ende Plutonyens ir me mistors.
Then, let's simplify the phonetics and drop some shit because people would probably speak fast and thus drop some bits:
Yem ban yumen end Plutonyes irm mistos.
Adding some random ass Semitic adjectives because Semitic languages would undoubtedly influence it:
Yem ban basit yumen end qebir Plutonyes irm magit mistos.
>basit = simple, qebir = great, magit = glorious; I used google translate and friendgotry, haha
Now, let's imply an alphabet reform because those tend to happen, and influence the language a little bit:
Jëm ban bësit jumën end qëber Plutonjes erm maget mestos.
Adding more diacritics for no reason because why not:
Jëm ban bëšit jümën end qëber Plutoñes erm mäget meštös.
Then, no diacritics or shit at all but digraphs:
Dzaem ban baeshit dzyumaen end qaeber Plutonjes erm meadzhet meshtoes.
Then, a little spice-up:
Dzaim ban bae-shit dzyu-men end qae-beer Pluton-jes er-em meadzhet mesh-toes.
Pointless pseudo-Frenchification because the aliens conquered France and brought French slaves:
J'aim bæn bae-shité çû-mené travæur end qæ-béer Pluton-jesé énormes erém mæjet meç-tœx.
>travæur = hard-working, énormes = powerful
As a final touch, strip it all down to an English-like gibberish ass form:
Jim's been bae-shit chu men trevor end que-beer Pluton cheese enormous here I'm magic jet mech-taxes.
Jim's been bae-shit chu men trevor end que-beer Pluton cheese enormous here I'm magic jet mech-taxes.
…yeah, maybe this isn't that great an idea after all.