/legion/ - Outer Legion

>Just a few thousand more.

You're... killing... me.

>It's okay. I'll just bring you back again!

...gkkt.

>>711618

>snacking on dango

You guysh are really-

>omnom

into thish.

>Reimu don't speak with your mouth full you neanderthal

>>711619

>help

I've been doing push-ups all last night.

I can't...

>thud

>glow

Right, humans need food and rest. Keep forgetting.

>>711620

If he's hurting right now and you're in him, do you feel it?

>>711621

Pain is just weakness leaving the body. He'll learn to love it like I do.

>>711622

I hope you don't mean that in the lewd sense because that'd be really weird.

>>711623

Kinky. Maybe, who knows? Never went down that avenue.

>>711624

Let's keep it that way, for that poor guy's sake too.

>>711625

So tell me more about that Gensokyo thing.

>>711626

It's where a bunch of humans and youkai live together separated from this world. "The land of that which is forgotten." It's really easy to pass into the realms of gods from there too.

>>711627

So... it's just the Makai realm with a fancy new door and name.

I shouldn't be disappointed. Not like there's that many new dimensions anyways.

>>711628

I don't really know of any other places like it but if it's anything like Gensokyo I feel bad for whoever has to run the shrine and its barrier.

>>711629

It's all just one place. Gensokyo's probably just a piece of it.

>>711630

One place? Really? Maybe I'll have to ask Patchouli or something.

>now is the time

>for video games

>>711631

Makai's huge. The Amala Network connects multiple universes together.

>>711633

That's gonna go way over my head, sorry Dagda. If you don't mind me though, I'm gonna head home for a bit and get these donations safely into their box.

>vanishes

>>711634

Greedy kid, but she's okay.

>>711632

>

>that's cool

>but what's that rat

>>711635

>I'm not gonna say it's an alien

>but it's an alien

>

>>711636

little busy aaaa

That's new.

>>711637

It's fine.

New? Clank and I have been here for a while.

>>711638

Giant talking rats? Times really changed.

>

Oh wait, we had giant rats in my day too.

I'm the Dagda. Old god. This here-

>pats his chest

is my vessel.

>>711639

Sooo... you're possessing a body? Freaky.

>"Ratchet, don't be rude."

What? I call it like I see it.

>what are we gonna do on the web

>waaah

>>711640

You try being dead for thousands of years. The boy here was kind enough to offer his body in exchange for a second life.

Not my ideal vessel, but it's far from useless.

>>711641

>preferably not play with your pet?

>>711643

>but he's so excited to meet you

>rrrrrrrrrr

>quiet, Duff

>>711641

>uh

>stuff

>and things

>>711642

...Good for you, I guess. But why are you here? Don't gods have important stuff to do?

>>711645

Not anymore. Nobody believes in us Celts anymore.

Gods die without faith. Lucky I got this one though.

>>711645

>

>>

>>>

>you'resick

>>711646

So without that kid's body, you'd just disappear? That's... kinda depressing.

>>711647

>I am?

>maybe I should see a doctor

>>711648

>no doctor can cure your sickness

>...so kind of like me

>ahuhuhu~

>>711649

>I understand

>...I don't understand

>>711648

Sucks, don't it?

It's not easy being a deity long forgotten.

>>711651

I doubt you're completely forgotten. Aren't there still like, history books that mention you, or something?

>

People do read books on this planet, right?

>>711652

Son, it pisses me off to say this, but nobody alive has faith in us Celtic gods anymore. Haven't since the advent of that YHVH asshole.

I got lucky that this kid was so scared out of'is mind from dyin' that they'd give anything to undo it.

>>711653

...People will do a lot of things when they're desperate.

>nope

>nooope

>we're postponing today's feel trip

>>711654

S'true. I got my way back to the land of the living, kid got revived and now he's my god slayer.

Everybody wins. Except the gods. 'Cause they're gonna die.

>>711655

Riiight... Quick question: Are the other gods a bunch of jerks, or do you just want to take them down so you win the popularity contest by default?

>>711656

That's the question, isn't it?

>>711657

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you're dodging it.

>>711658

Maybe I don't care enough to answer it.

>>711659

Not like I can force you. But you're starting to seem a lot less trustworthy.

>>711660

Believe what you want.

>shrug

I'm not after popularity. My time in the spotlight wasn't so fulfilling.

>>711661

Yeah, well, neither was mine. Doesn't mean I'd take up god-killing as a hobby.

good news! it's terminal!

>>711662

You clearly don't know how to have a good time.

>>711663

Great!

>>711664

I know right!

>>711663

....Wait, what's terminal?

>>711664

Maybe not. But I don't have problems with gods, either.

>>711665

Know what else is great? Killing things.

>>711666

And you won't when they're all dead too.

>>711666

good question

>>711667

Yeah, unless you screw up somehow.

>>711668

>

What is it with people and being cryptic?!

>>711669

CRYPTIC METAPHOR!

>>711667

uh duh, I could have told ya that!

>>711669

I got a backup plan.

>>711670

You got a good head on your shoulders.

>>711672

until I do THIS!

HHHRRRRRRMMMPHHHH-

>POP

>>711671

>he popped his head off again

>>711670

Metaphors! My one weakness!

>>711671

Hey, how's it going?

>>711672

Of course you do. Now this is the part where you shout your evil plan at the top of your lungs.

>>711673

>spattered in symbiote goo and gore

He'll be fine.

>>711674

Except I'm cryptic, remember? And not evil. Just... chaotic.

Order isn't inherently good, y'know.

>>711673

>parasol up

>thankfully doesn't get splattered in Carnage

>>711674

Dandy~ And how are you?

>watching reruns of the X-Files

How can monkeys watch this crap?

It isn't even accurate.

>>711675

>head reforms

and that's why I love play on words

>>711676

so were ya eating solid food?

>>711675

Neither is anarchy, pal.

>>711676

I'm alright. It's kinda boring around here, though.

>>711677

Tell me about it. It's like these people think there's only one type of alien out there.

>>711678

Good one. Lucky this kid's clothes are splatter resistant.

>>711679

Yeah, but freedom's more fun than stasis.

Checkmate.

>>711680

where the hell do ya find stuff like that?

>>711679

They ain't wrong...I mean there's only one kind that actually matters.

>>711681

Run down CDF base. All the tactical shit was taken but we nabbed a spare jumpsuit.

>>711680

Didn't realize we were playing chess.

>sighs

Whatever. I can tell I won't change your mind.

>>711682

What makes you think that? There are all kinds of cool species in the universe.

>>711683

I should get a jump suit

>>711684

Good. Now if you'll excuse me, the kid wants his body back.

>>711685

You're literally wearing an organic fullbody suit.

>>711684

They ain't Furons, that's why.

The only advantages of other species is that they usually got chicks that aren't as ugly as ours.

>>711678

I will neither confirm or deny this.

>>711679

Would you prefer a battlefield?

>>711686

but is it a jumpsuit?

>>711688

do it or I'll start executing hostages!

>>711689

>prolonged silence

>>711686

Alright. Nice talking to you, I guess.

>>711687

>

Oh. Well, when you put it that way...

>>711688

Probably. I haven't had to shoot anything in weeks. Feels weird.

>>711691

Exactly.

And ain't you from the species that's mostly gone now? What're they called...Minxes or something like that.

>>711690

>shoots someone tied to a tree

SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!?

>>711691

...let's say I wanted some things shot. What are your rates?

>>711693

>

>>711694

I'LL KILL AGAIN NEO!

>>711692

Lombaxes. Why does everyone have a hard time with that?

>>711694

Depends on what you want me to shoot at.

>>711696

Maybe because they're a buncha pansies?

You don't go to another dimension without being labeled as one.

>>711695

You wouldn't.

>slides her 3D shades on

>you better

>>711696

>tsk

>makes a tick on a notepad

And here I thought you weren't picky. Hmm...what don't you open fire on

>>711698

NNNAAAAAARRRRGGHH!!!

>and now there is blood everywhere

>>711697

I didn't go with 'em, so what does that make me?

>>711698

I'm not being picky, I just wanted to know what you're asking me to do.

>shrugs

I usually don't start shooting unless something tries to kill me first. But I make exceptions sometimes.

>>711700

That sure don't look good.

>>711701

Someone they forgot while running away?

>>711700

>voip

>>711702

I came here to kick butt and chew bubblegum.

And I'm all out of gum.

>>711702

...I guess that's true.

>>711703

I think I heard that in a movie once.

>Something's throwin' me off here...

>>711704

But don't feel too bad about it, at least you ain't lumped in with 'em!

Instead you get to spend your time...here.

Yeesh.

>>711704

>THIS IS THE HOPE POLICE

>OPEN UP

You really gonna let that get you down?

So what if they forgot? You're not them, you're you.

You're still here, that's what counts!

>>711705

Wow, another alien! Awesome.

You're not here to try and take over the world, are ya?

>>711705

Aw c'mon, this place isn't that bad.

>one of the lights on the ceiling explodes

Uh... I can fix that.

>>711706

>YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!

I'll be alright. 'Sides, there's more for me here than whatever dimension the other Lombaxes went to.

>>711706

Takin' over this mudball? I haven't attempted anything like that in years.

And the one time I did, I was rightfully voted into office.

I'm just here to extract brains...wait I haven't been doin' that in years either.

>>711707

It's pretty bad, but there's a charm here.

Like the free cable.

>who said brains

>>711709

>holding a brain

....wut?

>>711707

>WE HAVE YOUR FEELS SURROUNDED

>COME OUT WITH YOUR HEART OPENED

Guess I didn't need to pep you up after all!

>>711708

Good, 'cause then I'd have to beat you up.

>bright grin

Ness! Protector of Earth! That's me!

>>711710

>whose brain whose brain whose brain

...hello, Mr. Carnage~

>>711712

>WWWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!????

>SUCH LUST FOR BRAINS!

hello Fran, how ya doing?

>>711708

>nods

Don't know why people would come all the way out to a swamp just to watch some TV, but whatever.

>>711711

>but if my heart opens, I'll bleed to death

Don't worry about me, Ness. It takes a lot more than that to get me upset.

>>711709

I did.

>>711711

Well it's not my fault I need to extract brains.

>Even if it is fun.

I gotta do it to save my people, that kinda thing.

>>711714

You see the channels this baby has?

It has loads of them. Too bad there's still not much to watch unless you spend hours tryin' to search for crap, and when you do find it it's at the tail end of the program.

>>711714

'Cause you made a promise, right? I made one. No tears 'til the end.

>>711715

That's not my problem though, I just gotta keep people safe from alium invaders.

>>711715

That's TV for you. S'why I don't watch it that often these days.

>>711716

How do we know when we've gotten to the end?

>>711715

>mindreading

>fascinating

May I see them?

>>711713

Doing fine, just stitched an asylum patient not too long ago. Tis the season~

>pats a hefty bag of cash at her side

Anything got you down tonight?

>>711716

So you'd let another species die just to preserve your own?

That's pretty ballsy and I'll respect it.

>>711717

Well you're just missin' out, then.

>>711718

Already sent most of 'em out.

I don't give donations.

>>711718

hhmmm nah I'm good tonight, got the car fixed, Neo is setting traps, Red is short, and my wives are watching their shows

>>711717

The credits roll!

[LAUGH TRACK]

>>711719

It's a "them or us" kinda choice, isn't it? If both isn't an option, I'd try and make it an option.

>>711720

>looks out the window

>Madotsuki is skating on the frozen swamp

>she trips over a half-frozen frog and goes flying

It seems like you're all set for a very merry Christmas. I'm glad to hear that.

>>711719

...

>drums her fingers on the table nervously

>whispers in a low tone

How much for one

>>711719

Not really. I was on a TV show once. It wasn't that fun.

>>711721

>THE ACCURSED LAUGH TRACKS

>THEY HAUNT US ALL

>looking around

What the heck was that?

>>711721

Basically. But both ain't an option considering that you humans are the only people who got Furon DNA left in ya...besides us, but we're clones so that's degenerated.

I think.

My boss is the science-y smart-y one. I just do what he tells me to.

>>711722

>telepathic communication go!

>About 50 monkey bucks. Or you could pay through...other services

>eyebrows go up and down

>>711723

I've been on TV too. Mostly the news.

Or not as myself.

>>711722

....she'll be fine

and yeah everything is coming up Red guy!

>>711723

Oh, I did that for comedic effect.

>fuggin psychics

>>711724

So it's impossible?

>grins

Good. The impossible's fun to do.

>mini Kamina is ready

>>711724

>if the day comes when I no longer have cash, I will consider that offer

>slaps fifty dollarydoos on the table

>>711725

>she's up and skating again

>go Red go

Well, just remind Ms. Mileena that her dentist appointment is tomorrow morning. Someone needs to tend to all of those teeth...~

>>711727

I'll sedate her and bring her in

>>711724

Not as yours- Oh, you're probably using a holo-guise. I get it now.

>>711726

Jeez. Warn a guy next time, will ya?

>>711726

Good luck. I think my mission is mostly done anyway. Most of my species now has...proper plumbing.

>>711727

>slides over a brain under the table

Pleasure doin' business.

>>711729

I used to use a holo-guise, but now I prefer to bodysnatch.

I was the president of the United States for a couple of years until dirty commies got in my way!

Fun fact about them, they weren't exactly human either.

>>711729

Do you prefer big flashy warning signs or loud sirens?

>>711730

Lewd!

>>711730

Well duh. They were commies.

>>711731

Uh... flashy warning signs, I guess. Sirens would hurt my ears.

>>711731

Yes, very much so.

>>711732

Their leader was also a space lobster from Mars trying to convert this planet to one like what Mars once was.

I put a stop to that personally.

>>711732

Works for me.

>>711733

Super lewd.

>>711733

Nice. Nothing beats putting a stop to people's plans.

>>711734

Guess we've got it figured out, then.

>

I'm still working on fixing the building, by the way. This place doesn't look like it's had any maintenance done in over a decade.

>>711734

It can't be helped, we've all got urges.

Now I'd continue on with the innuendos, but uhhh...

>A. Feign Ignorance

>B. Play It Safe

>C. Ignore Everything Previously Said And Make Another Joke

>C.

Most of them don't got a third leg to stand on.

>>711735

Sure doesn't. It's quite confusing for an invasion, I'm supposed to be the one destroying things not saving them!

>>711737

Saving the day can be fun too, y'know. I do it all the time.

>>711738

It is, but I've saved it like 3 times. 4 if you count times that don't really matter.

And it's usually from people who're worse than I am! Be it secret government men in suits, Soviets, fast food people, or my own species!

>>711739

Huh. Guess you turned into a hero by accident.

>>711740

I was always a hero!

...to my side. A soldier trying to say his species!

And all that boastful crap.

>>711741

Huh... and hoe'd that work out?

>>711742

I saved 'em, simple as that. We now have newer, better supplies for DNA thanks to...ehehehehehe, various resources.

>>711743

"Resources?" Was that supposed to sound creepy?

>>711744

It's only creepy if you make it creepy.

>>711745

Well, you definitely made it creepy. Good job.

>>711746

What?

It's like your species never lacked a genitalia.

Sure acted like they did, though.

>>711747

Yeah, well, not every species is filled with pervs like the Furons.

>>711748

You'd be perv-y too if you species lacked pipes for a long, long, long time.

Nuclear technology will do that to you.

>fiddling with a smartphone

There's probably enough space to put music on this thing, right?

>Don't stuff it too full, need space for comrades.

Friends or jams, being a demon tamer's a hard choice.

>>711749

Nuclear tech's pretty dangerous. S'why the Lombaxes didn't use it that much.

>smirk

>>711751

Makes sense, why would they need them if they were just gonna run from fighting?

>>711752

>REEEEEEEE

Because Lombax weapons hit harder than localized nukes.

>>711753

Oh yeah, I'm sure they hit harder until the other side hits back with even greater force.

It could've been avoided if they figured out cloning.

>>711754

>REV UP THOSE SALT MINES

They could have if they weren't too busy stopping the Cragmites from taking over the universe.

>>711755

And then they came back, didn't they?

Not very efficient.

Sure the Martians came back after we obliterated them, but it was only a tiny colony that I wiped out later on.

>>711756

When the Cragmites came back, I took them down again no problem.

>sighs

I don't have to take this.

>storms off

>>711757

Short bodied, short tempered.

Figures.

>it's funny because Crypto is at least a foot shorter

>>711757

>>711758

>>711759

>pops out of a pile of salt

BUT I LOVE THE FEEEEEEEL!!!

>>711759

Yeah, he really got fumed up.

Oops?

>>711760

It'll dry your goop, like a snail!

>>711761

You're kind of a dickwaffle y'know that?

>>711762

bull shi-

>FOOSH!

>>711762

bull shi-

>FOOSH!

>>711762

I'm very aware of it.

>>711763

There he goes.

>scoops some frigid swamp water out with TK

>splash

>>711765

But why?

>>711766

Is this gonna turn into a therapy session?

>>711766

thanks, I think the wind lady is dead

>>711768

Every time you say that, she comes back boy!

Knock it off!

>>711769

GIVE ME HOPE DAD!

>>711770

>grabs a sharpie

>draws an S on his chest

>>711771

....what's the S stand for?

>>711772

It stands for hope.

>>711773

hope doesn't have a S in it!

>>711774

It's a metaphor!

>>711767

It could.

>>711768

I would be okay with that. She's a jerk.

>>711775

.....the fucks that!?

>>711776

she died of the gay Ness, never catch the gay or you too will die of it like her

>>711776

Well I guess it could all begin with my mother, who liked to smack me around with a hot frying pan.

The test tube I was cloned was warmer than her.

>>711777

You don't know what a metaphor is?

>>711779

ain't that the city Superman is in?

>>711780

No, no, it's like...when you say something, but it doesn't really mean that.

>>711781

you mean like a play on words?

>>711777

This is why I like girls.

>>711778

Wowie.

>>711782

Is that what a metaphor is?

No, no a play on words is not what a metaphor is.

I mean it's like..when you say something, but you mean it in a different way. It can be interpreted.

Ever heard of a simile? It's like a simile, but without a previous comparison.

>>711783

GOOD! stay straight Ness!

>>711784

.....you lost me on "is"

>>711783

Yeah, she was a real piece of work.

And probably another reason why I avoid women of my own species.

That and they ain't real pretty.

>>711785

It's like when you say "the president is a lying snake!"

But the president is not a snake.

A liar, but not a snake.

...as far as we know.

>>711787

ugh don't say snake! I car pool with Skull Face when Juri wreks my rides

>>711788

He car pools?!

I hear he likes to talk a lot when driving.

Is it true?

>>711789

YES! YES HE DOES! and god help you if someone cuts him off!

>>711790

What happens if you cut him off?

>>711791

he screams who and yells about lust for things

>>711792

Is it true the only thing he listens to is "Sins of the Father" on repeat?

>>711793

YES! and he won't let you change it! it's almost as bad as ridding with you!

>>711794

...what's so bad about riding with me?

>>711795

you know god damn well!

>>711796

But I don't.

>>711797

what music to you blast during car rides?

>>711798

Good music?

I've been at this fucking program for 17 hours now.

Tager! Bring me my special atomic candy.

>>711799

horrible shit! and you sing it too!

>>711802

I'm still murdering people because of you!

>run like the wind, Wingdings

>>711804

>you smack into the Red guy

watch it!

>>711803

Absolute madman! What will it take to stop you?

>>711806

tell me if ya ate solid food!?

>>711804

What even...?

>We have come as summoned, Lightbringer. What is so urgent that it requires our power.

Oh not much. I fancied a game of solitaire, really.

>Lucifer, we'll see you impaled on your own bones before time ends.

That's not helping me get any of those pesky aces.

>>711807

...I had a hamburger.

>

Ice cream's better.

>>711811

well good.....I'm out of hostages

>>711809

Petulant, aren't they.

>>711805

Sorry, sorry! These legs are incredible, I feel like an octopus on stilts!

>>711808

>his lower body morphs back into itself

Aah, there we are...

>>711813

They behave the same as any dumb child with a bit of power.

>flips Rage

Show them a bit of authority and a good scare, and they'll do what they're told.

>>711812

We needed new ones anyway. They were starting to smell like...Pavel.

>>711814

Lotte?

...No. You're not Arakune. You don't reek of rotting corpse and insects.

>>711816

Pavel....like Dr. Pavel.....

>>711815

Baby's first reality warping medium with sentience.

>>711819

If you came here solely for the potential banter, I'm not sure what to tell you.

Present company hasn't afforded anything good for itself yet.

>tosses Innocence on Wheel

I'm not one to ask. If you have another of your sought after words of wisdom, you might want to say so before I get fully involved in this game.

>[quiet shrieking from spoopcards]

>>711818

He said nussing.

>>711820

"Fully involved". You forget yourself, pawn. Erase everything, hand victory to me on a platter.

It'll be invalid coming from you, so Philly and I'll just start the game back up.

>>711817

Afraid not, ma'am. Wingdings is my name.

>>711821

THAT ANGERS THE RED GUY! I'm going to go kid nap him, go take Red home or see what the others are doing

>back flips out the window

>>711822

You're not making your case very well.

>folds the Innocence pile up

That's one.

>>711823

>scrutinizing

>closely

Your name's a font, huh.

Professor Kokonoe.

>>711825

Do what you want, boy. You're just giving me what I want whether you realize it or not.

>eyean the cards

Scraps from Destiny's book. I'm disappointed, Lucifer.

>>711827

Is that what I sound like.

>shrug

One makes do with what presents itself. Though I almost miss the focal point of the Aleph.

>>711828

You wish you sounded this hot. You're more of the "bored schemer" type.

What happens when someone's three steps ahead of you though?

>>711826

But of course, all skeletons are named after fonts.

>is that not common know-waaait, not underground anymore

>whoopsie doopsies

A pleasure to meet you, Professor.

>>711829

I tell them they're overconfident.

>>711831

That all, huh. Guess I better dust off the old guest room at Azazoth's, huh.

See you there, champ.

>voip

>>711830

>skeleton

>

What kinda fucked up temporal anomaly are you anyways.

I haven't seen someone this scrambled since mom.

>>711832

We'll see.

>

He ruined my set.

>>711833

A royal scientist to the Dreemurrs. For a long while-forever, really-I was scattered across the time stream, but someone's soul managed to rescue me from my prison. I like to think I've mostly held together...

>squishes in on himself like a beanbag

>>711835

QUIT FUCKING DAD IN MY GODDAMNED LAB ALREADY!

>>711836

You're literally melting like a blob.

>what kind of matter is this guy made of...

>moderate desire to experiment on

Don't know what a "dreamer" is other than idiots with their heads in the clouds, so your personal history's irrelevant.

>scattered across the timestream

Now there's something interesting... Hakumen was too.

If I could just understand how to pull someone's essence back together in its entirety...

>>711838

FUCKING TRY ME MAH, I'LL PLUG ALL YOUR GODDAMNED ORIFICES AGAIN AND STICK YOU IN THE SENSORY DEPRIVATION TANK!

>>711839

IS THAT A GUARANTEE OR A THREAT

>door falls over

So I needed a cup of sugar. Bite me.

>>711837

Terribly sorry.

>shrugs meekly

I've tried to pull anything left of me from the current with the machine that bloody put me there in the first place, but I've had very little success. I suppose duct tape and crossed fingers will have to do, dohoho...

>>711840

Now I know why I'm so fucked up, you're a genuine semen demon.

>>711841

Machine? You have my attention.

>>711842

10% of your personality can be attributed to genes, you little hussy. Don't put your weird neo-fetish shit on me.

>>711843

Don't you gimme shit, you fucked my dad. A literal cat. I'd know, I'm the end result. Zoophile.

>

We're horrible people and your sclera are black did you fucking get possessed again goddammit fucking fuck.

>>711842

I built a machine a window of sorts to allow me to observe alternate timelines. I ended up falling into its CORE, but even now with its complete construction, its just been mollying about in my lab.

>>711844

You make it sound like a bad thing or something~

>blink

"GLORY TO IZANAMI! DEATH IS THE FINAL FICTION! THE TIME IS 8:55 PM"

>

Fucking hell, I'll get the fucking sugar myself.

>voip

>>711845

So you fell into the Azure and still somehow retained your mind... that's interesting.

>>711846

FfffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK.

>>711847

Not without fighting every second of eternity for it.

>gives a liquidy shudder

I do so hope my biomass returns to its former state as time goes on.

>>711848

Unlikely. I surmise you'll actually do the opposite and begin to degrade unless you can pull more of yourself from the Boundary.

I guess that's that then.

>heat ray pointed at the floor

>bweem

>there is now a very warm spot

>curls up on it

Ahh...

>>711849

sorry fug

...it looks like I might be spending a few weeks in the lab.

>oh she's gone to sleep

>damn this wandering mind

>y a w n

Catnaps, gotta love'em...

>>711853

>I saw her dreams

>why were they so

>not PG-13

...

>wait don't talk to her that's right

>>711854

>why is this weird bug-eyed brat staring

>did i leave my labcoat open

What.

>>711855

>little bit

>opens his mouth

...

>uh

Isn't it drafty.

>>711856

Maybe for you.

>steam literally rising from the floor

>heat raaaay

I'd say it's impolite to stare but then you'd probably take it to heart and lose your primary function.

>>711857

I think my shoes are melting.

>floating an inch off the ground

>

You're a pretty rude cat.

>>711858

Those must be some seriously cheap knockoffs then if they can't stand a little warmth.

>stretchan

We already did this bit, pick something else.

>>711859

>floats a thermometer over

>sticks it on the ground

>it cracks

>jeez

They're just sneakers.

>uh

I didn't think you'd still be here after bringing this place out of the sky. You don't seem to like it.

>>711860

Y'mean it's not normal to not like getting sucked into another fucking dimension while I'm sleeping? Holy shit, what's wrong with me!

>flat stare the entire time

So what's your damage. You get lobotomized so all you can do is act like a robot? I build robots for fun and somehow mine can emote more than you can.

>>711861

My emotions...hurt people.

But I'm learning to get over it.

>

But you don't care about that.

>>711862

You went one word over the ten word condensation limit but I'll reward you for not vomiting exposition at me.

>>711863

Reward?

>standing on a chair

>the chair is slowly melting

I guess cats can stand the heat better...

You never really answered my question though.

>>711867

It wasn't worth answering.

>>711868

Something tells me you say that a lot.

Just seems weird to come to a place with so many people if you don't like any of them.

>building card houses in the air

Do you know anyone that needs an exorcism.

...And I'm just thinking "What gives this guy the right to trash-talk my whole species", y'know?

>"Mr. Zurkon does not care about measly furball's problems. Mr. Zurkon lives only to kill."

Right... where's Clank when I need 'im...

>>711869

You're grasping at straws.

>

The world's full of idiots. I hate idiots. I'm not gonna leave the Earth just 'cause I don't like people. That'd leave room for one more idiot.

>>711870

...?

>>711871

Yeah, but can't you...go where the idiots aren't?

Never mind.

>

You said you make robots. Like that battlebots show?

>>711872

>what I'd give to be taken seriously

Clicky.

>up goes this pedestal thing

>slam goes the button

>pedestal goes down

>>

>We need a new call system.

Can it, Tager.

>>711872

>that's a killer robot, Mob

>"Hello, human. Mr. Zurkon is ready to kill you."

Don't kill anyone just yet.

>"Why can Mr. Zurkon not shoot little human?"

Because he's not trying to kill us.

>"Which is why Mr. Zurkon should shoot first."

>>711873

>!

That's a big guy...

>but where's the robot

>>711874

That's not a good idea.

>>711875

For you.

>shoulder seat get

>Kokonoe, why am I scaring a kid?

It's fun. That's why.

>...Right.

This is Tager. My finest salvaged creation.

>>711876

I'm not scared.

>just impressed I think

>?

That's a robot?

>hair flutters up for a second

It can't be, I can see his soul. Everyone knows robots don't have souls.

>>711874

>"Are you saying Mr. Zurkon is stupid? Mr. Zurkon thinks puny humans are stupid!"

>oh

>Zurkon's powering up his laser gun arm

>and getting smashed with Ratchet's wrench

Sorry about that. I should've known better than to activate a Zurkon in here.

>>711877

Ain'tcha heard of the Red Devil before?

I guess that prettyboy Demon Cyborg on TV changed everyone's perception.

>>711878

>[7%]

Why would anyone want one of those things...

>sets Mr. Zurkon upright with TK

There are more?

>>711879

Well, no...

Does he have his own toy line like Demon Cyborg?

I think I saw him on Letterman one time too.

>>711880

>shit's broke, yo

>Space Rat hits pretty hard

Yeah. They're mass-produced out in the Polaris Galaxy. People use 'em as bodyguards.

>>711880

>christ

Nevermind. Point stands. He's my magnum opus.

>Aw. You do care.

>Koko's somewhat embarrassed

>>711882

>I CAN SAVE HIM

>I CAN SAVE EVERYONE

That doesn't seem too...smart.

Aren't bodyguards supposed to be loyal and stuff? He just seemed violent.

>

Galaxy?

>>711883

>what are these feelings I'm feeling

He looks like somethin-

Someone you can be proud of.

>bows at Tager

Sorry about that.

>>711884

>NUSSING

>I FEEL NUSSING

Damn right "someone".

>I should head back to the lab. I get the feeling your mother needs to be physically removed from your... ahem... collection.

>Tager lumbers off

>>711884

>we can rebuild him

>we have the technology

Well, he's programmed to shoot pretty much anything except the person who activated him, so that's kind of loyal, I guess.

>

Yeah. I'm from space, remember?

>>711885

>?

...

...

I think I get it now.

>Mob earned the power of understanding

>>711886

Well, haven't you been here since you...got here?

I guess I didn't see how you had the time to go get one, or something.

>glances at murderbot

Is it really that unsafe here.

>>711887

What the hell're you on about now?

>>711887

Clank managed to call my spaceship here a while ago. I leave the planet to buy supplies every once in a while, but I come back.

>shrugs

This is supposed to be a place for bad guys, right? Never hurts to be careful.

>>711888

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, you don't like exposition.

>

He's like a robot, but also a person, right?

That's why you like him more than others. There's no point lying about that either.

>>711889

It is?

>Master's not gonna like this

So are you here to beat them up?

>>711890

Great. A psychic.

>turns one of her earrings

>psi-interference

No more of that. My head belongs to me.

>>711890

If I have to. Long as they don't cause too much trouble I'll leave 'em alone.

>so this is what it feels like to be out of the bodysuit

>...

>I don't think I like it

>>711893

>uh

>>711891

I think it's more like being an empa-

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>

>>711892

So you're...not here to beat them up?

Why then?

>>711895

>

>

>

Yeah I'm not dealing with that.

>slaps a portable portal down

>hup

>gonezo

>>711894

>god fucking damn it

>Invisible Shadow

18 seconds.

That'd be a record.

>>711895

At first, I showed up 'cause Clank got lost here. Then we decided to stick around.

>>711896

>jeez

Weird.

>is the ground still on fire

>>711898

I...guess that makes sense.

Master likes looking at the women here, so it's not like we have a better excuse.

>>711897

>man

>I think I liked her better with the fluffy hat

>Dagda status: not in

You're... Scathach, right?

>>711899

Huh. That explains the binoculars he had when he showed up.

>>711900

This possession game's gaunny get auld right quick.

Speak lively, boy. Yer passenger didnae tell ye the situation aer what.

>>711901

...Please don't call the police on him. He just keeps throwing salt.

>>711902

>uh

Last time I saw you, you had a huge hat on.

And stabbed me.

So... 'scuse me if I'm having a doubletake here.

>

You don't really like Dagda, do you.

>>711903

Knowing my luck, if I called the cops, they'd wanna handcuff me for being an alien. Don't worry about it.

>>711904

They call me god-killer, lad.

Ye dae the math.

>shrug

I've been me since faerever.

...Hat, huh.

>>711905

One time he got hauled down for being a fraud...

You speak English well, or whatever.

>>711906

Guess you're not the only one now.

>club hand

I think he took the phrase "punch God in the face" too literally.

>>711907

Weird, isn't it? I can understand your language just fine, but I never learned how to read my own species' language.

>>711908

Only yin ay me. Remember that.

>tch

Aye, ye types never shut up aboat it.

>>711909

So you're basically an immigrant.

>>711911

That's... one way to put it.

>>711910

It's just a phrase though.

>

Well. Was. Pretty sure now it's expected of me.

>guh

Not anymore you're not. Sorry if you don't like competition. I made a promise and I'm not about to die so easily again.

>>711912

English isn't my first language.

>that guy

>is possessed

>>711913

Ye wantae lecture, gae find someyin lookin' fay yin. I'm no interested.

>eyes: rolled

Sae what now, boy. Ye gaunny keep starin' an no sayin' anythin' worth a damn or dae we get doon tae brass tacks.

>>711914

>so is that guy

>checkmate gaythiests

>>711915

>is she doing the accent on purpose

>wow that's thick

You'd know more than me, I thought it'd be a good idea to come to you, since all Dagda says is "just punch them until they die."

>>711914

Huh. Coulda fooled me.

>possession you say

>I ain't dealing with that shit, son

>>711916

Repetitive and boring, that yin. Aymost a pity I'm daein' him in after all this.

>guhuh

Tell me what ye ken aboat killin' gods, then.

>>711916

>do you see any Pikachu cheeks

>no

>exactly

>>711917

Master taught me what he knows. He gets mistaken for a white guy often enough.

>

I think he might actually be an American.

>>711918

Just that I don't stand a chance without his club.

>hand raised

>glowy club symbol

I'm pretty sure this is some kind of god joke I don't get but I punched Ares into paste earlier.

One down.

>>711919

>that's k

>no spoopeyes or green cheek here neither

>>711919

What gives you that idea?

>>711920

Dinnae ye talk aboat anythin' else?

>shakes her head

Nae matter, that. Answer me question seriously ay ye get naethin.

>>711920

>but that's not how it works

>>711921

>Master, why do you have blue eyes and blonde hair

>Mob, what are your grandparents the most afraid of?

>Americans

>Exactly! Your grandparents are old and already afraid. Which means spirits, which are even older, will be downright terrified!

>Aren't you named after that one president though

...No reason.