I consider myself a libertarian, but goddam are there some things in the movement that piss me the fuck off. So, I pretended to give a gigantic passive aggressive diatribe of a roast. Here it is.
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Oh, Professor Block, thank God you're wearing clothes. I was beginning to think that you'd think you weren't being extreme enough compared to the audience at Porcfest or anyone alive on planet Earth and decided to go completely nude to try to 'win.' But then again, you've made probably the only libertarian case for slavery, so you're probably safe anyways. *pause* I hope he doesn't consider suing me for libel for saying this.
Speaking of you Block, have you and Kinsella stopped beating your kids?
Speaking of beating your kids, hello Molyneux! Oh, what's that? You don't think what I said was funny? You think I'm fogging over some real self of mine that was destroyed during my childhood because my parents weren't perfect? You think me giving this very passive aggressive articulation of your position is more proof that I'm a demented individual who needs therapy? Jesus, I haven't even started making fun of you and you're already making fun of yourself.
Speaking of making fun of yourself, Murphy, what the hell happened to your face? Are you trying to look like a clown so that maybe you'll win your next debate via some sympathy points? Maybe next time you debate with David Friedman/Walter Block/Kinsella/EVERYONE YOU DEBATE WITH you'll actually give an argument against some of his final points instead of claiming they were so ridiculous that they made you look smart weeks after the debate already ended.
Speaking of David Friedman, hello there! Let us know when you finally decide to groom yourself, I hear combs are really cheap nowadays. Or is that because you're still doing your King of Northumbrwhatever LARP session? In any case, just let us know when you finalize realize that consequentialism meant you were secretly a statist all along. By the way, I really have to give credit to your son Patri Friedman and the whole seasteading thing, he perfected running away with crowd funders money before crowd funding was even really a thing!
Speaking of crowd funding, hello Mr. Tucker. How's that Facebook-for-libertarians-with-no-impulse-control going? Have you succeeded in centralizing a directory of all the gullible libertarians willing to throw money at crap into one central directory in order to leverage your thinly veiled native advertising scams for Canadian toilets, showerhead mods, and razors and make an easy honeypot directory for the government?
Speaking of scammers, Mr. Kokesh, so nice of you to join us. I hear you're looking for some new employment, I hear the prison by Keene has a few open positions.
Speaking of political positions, Dr. Paul…are you going to admit that you're a fucking anarchist already?
Speaking of libertarians with vaguely religious appeal, Dr. Rothbard *bow head, do that thing Catholics do where they draw a cross on themselves,* what brings you down here from libertopia? Oh, there are no roads? That's too bad, I guess. Maybe you could try using some of the money left over to you from the Koch Brothers to build one.
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…..I think I should stop now.