>>92Certainly, but if they're actively separating the facts from their opinions, could it be worth it?
>Professor X, widely known for his work in advancing gender equality, said the following at Joe's Potato Barn on January 15th, 2026 at 10:05am.
>"Go into the code! Get their IPs!"
>These were his final words, spoken to a crowd containing many of his most devoted Tumblr followers, before he was murdered to death without warning.
>Professor X was cannibalized by a family of Latvian immigrants who claim to have, "mistook him for potato", (sic) for the reason that, "Was hallucinate due to malnourish." (sic)
>This was according to our reporter, Lindsay McDidsay, who was present to witness the event and had the chance to speak to the family before they were taken into custody by police.
>The Professor was pronounced dead by Dr. Imnotreallyadoctor on January 15th, 2026, at 10:17am.
>Blood tests found that all members of the Latvian family had contracted rabies, most likely before arriving in America, according to the CDC.
>It was concluded that bath salts were not involved, as the family claimed they had not yet found the opportunity to bathe. This was supported by the strong odor emanating from their bodies, as testified by both our own McDindsay, as well as being very loudly exclaimed by police officials when detaining them.
>All members of the Latvian family remain in critical condition. They are under 24 hour watch at St. Obama Memorial Hospital, having attempted to run headfirst into the side of a police vehicle at full sprint.
>When asked by our reporter why they did this, they said, (sic) "because fearing deported back to Latvia. If return to Latvia, politiburo send whole family to gulag. Are prefer to die happy near promise land of butter and potato, please shooting us now. Is much merciful things to do."Just the facts. Opinions can then be clearly added after the facts, as commentary.
>This situation could have been completely avoided if congress hadn't passed the Potato Conservation act of 2026 last week! The leftists did this to themselves by acting like Potato Nazis.
>The PCA made it a 3rd degree felony to share potatoes with the homeless within 2,000 feet of a school zone. The PCA was put into law over fears that feeding potatoes to the homeless near schools would attract both regular homeless people, as well as foreigners, and that this would put children in danger.
>According to our inside sources, the bill was able to get such strong support amongst republicans due to a very clever and ethically questionable grass roots campaign, funded largely by Monsanto, Nestle, and Kelloggs.
>They would send paid actors into politically affluent churches. One actor would bring the subject up, and the other would wait for the bill to be called into question before bursting into tears and shouting,>"FOR GOD'S SAKES, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!"Does that sound like news worth reading/listening to? If editors could actually be impartial, by some miracle?