/lit/ - Literature

>>5001

Shit, I hadn't even noticed. I can imagine why this particular board is so slow; it seems like much of this site is populated mainly by /v/irgins and /pol/acks who had beef with moot. 4chan's /lit/ seems far too tight a circlejerk to schism off to another site.

Still, it's admirable what you people are doing with this site.

>>5000

> a fantasy novel from the perspective of a history nerd

Are you writing to yourself or your readers?

>>5000

just a consumer here.

i don't feel i have the creativity to write good fiction.

>>5004

Definitely for myself, I have to get readers before I can write to them. I plan on publishing it on kindle for cheap when it's done, with likely a personal website where someone can just grab the book for free (have to make sure Amazon won't sue me for that first), and a limited print run for friends and family.

>>5006

I'm curious as to what exactly you mean by 'paying your dues'. I have no illusions regarding my writing ability; I know it's capable enough to get thoughts across with a minimum of clumsiness, but I don't consider myself a master storyteller or anything. Every writing session typically begins with a reading of what I have already, and I usually find a thing to fix or a phrasing to edit.

One thing I am struggling with is how to get the historical information of the setting across without dropping a streaming pile of exposition in the reader's lap. I'm mainly doing this in small ways: a character looks at the walls of a town and infers details about it, another character plays a board game named after the exploits of a famous military figure, etc. I am toying with the idea of having a character be witness to a town's educating of the children, but that seems a bit hamfisted. Other things are easier, the story takes place about a generation after a huge war, so it's very easy to get stories from that across from old veterans, and I'm also considering adding a historian character who works in the government of one of the nations. But again, that seems a bit hamfisted.

I've never read Gore Vidal, could you give me a quick rundown of him?

>I'm curious as to what exactly you mean by 'paying your dues'.

Time and effort you put in over the years and editions. The old "write a million words and get good" schtick.

Rule of thumb for me: poetry when the author is young and still has something interesting to say. Novels when old, having reached the height of their craft.

Not absolute of course. Yet, there's something wonderful to be found when an author decides to write that one last book, relax, and just have fun with it.

I'm starting to wander off topic though.

>a quick rundown of him?

Self styled as America's biographer. I've never heard him described as a history nerd, yet he's the first one I thought of after reading that. There is a legendary exchange between him and Richard N. Current over a list of supposed gross historical inadequacies in his novel: "Lincoln." Vidal conceded only one error on one factoid, admitting he relied on the incompetent scholarship of a certain professor of history.

I could go on and on, but I think what you are really asking is what should you read of his. Guessing at the style you are going for, and given the question on technique, I would urge you to read: "Julian" and "Creation."

Lastly, one of my favorite novels of his is a little known one that he rewrote, preforming some significant surgery on, and then reissued. It's this later edition that I love. As a parting gift I'll leave you with his own words as to why he rewrote it, as advise for you to ponder:

"But something like Dark Green, Bright Red needed a paring away of irrelevancies—the fault of all American naturalistic writing from Hawthorne to, well, name almost any American writer today. I noticed recently the same random accretion of details in William Dean Howells—a very good writer, yet since he is unable to select the one detail that will best express his meaning, he gives us everything that occurs to him and the result is often a shapeless daydream. Twain, too, rambles and rambles, hoping that something will turn up. In his best work it does rather often. In the rest—painful logorrhea."

>>5010

The general advise given to young writers is that you should not go for the grand epic at the start. You'll fail and won't see why its failing, or you'll know something isn't working and not know how to make it work. Your amazing world will refuse to translate to the page, at least in a way that will make others see the awesome that is there.

Saying this is frustrating is an understatement.

There's a common path that is offered instead, learn your grammar, go do short stories, take those mind numbing literary fiction not genera trash classes, etc. Those classes are especially important because they'll teach you how to write even if you hate what you're writing at the time. What you write afterward is your problem, not theirs; they hold no chains to your future. So be there and be humble.

Writing is not an exact science. Prescribing a perfect path is nonsense. Whatever else you do you need to be doing. If slashing away at your epic is what it takes to keep you filling that blank page, so be it. Take it seriously, go in with the expectation that you are going to fail, be willing to pick it apart to understand why, and then your efforts won't be wasted. So get out there and fail. Fail hard. It can be fun. Let it be fun.

Last thing I'll mention - I don't think everyone can be taught how to write. I do think anyone can be taught how to rewrite. This includes stumbling back to a failed manuscript that has never seen the light of day, ten years later.

Keep writing.

Courtesy edit for Mr. Failhard. As they say, write not to be right. Rewrite.

>>5010

>I feel if I publish it as my first book, it might turn out shit and ruin any further potential.

Heh.

If published it's not failure. If you can not publish your first seven novels that's called frustration, not failure. You'll be in good company.

Neither situation has any attachment to your further potential.

You might write yourself into a narrow marketing classification, which can be good or bad from your point of view. Whatever - that's what pen names are for.

>>5013

>started writing on deviantart when i was much younger

>looked back on it and it was cringeworthy as fuck

>delete everything but download copies out of nostalgia

Huh. Maybe I'll give rewriting some of the stuff in there a try. Couldn't turn out much worse than it is now.

>>5022

>delete everything

NO! NO! NO!

>but download copies out of nostalgia

Phew.

>Maybe I'll give rewriting some of the stuff in there a try.

That's the spirit. Take it somewhere!

>Yet, there's something wonderful to be found when an author decides to write that one last book, relax, and just have fun with it.

"Pulp" ~Charles Bukowski

>>5007

I know that feeling. I hate being a passive consumer, but I simply have nothing worth saying to anyone.

>>5000

While I plan on writing a long,novel length story at some point, for now I'm sticking to short stories, mostly fantasy and horror/thriller.

I do have a fantasy world in mind though, when I do write fantasy. The idea behind it is that it's sort of the generic fantasy world "moved on", like in the industrial revolution. Some parts of the world are still pretty backwater, but there are also cities with trains spiderwebbing the countryside. So you have the cultural conflict of fantasy creatures have to deal with a modernizing society. Maybe a bit pretentious sounding, but I think it has potential for a lot of creative stories.

Inb4 ripping off ATLA, etc.

Will go into more detail if asked.

>>5039

You should read "The war of the flowers" by Tad Williams for some inspiration, the book plays in a fantasy world that got industrialized because their magic came from their king and queen, and since they died they had to switch to some kind of magic/electricity mashup to keep everything running, with trains, slave workers and all that stuff.

I'm conveying it badly but its an interesting read and could help you a bit.

>>5042

Conveying it badly my ass, that sounds cool as fuck. Ordered a hardcover, will read over summer.

>So now I have the continent, the cosmology, and the culture of the ethnic groups, and am currently working on building a history for it all–fallen powers, group migrations, linguistic relationships, etc.

That's all easy. Try actually writing a story.

I had an idea for a guy that works in a body building shop, he works out, gets huge and then you pay him for a brain transplant and he starts over.

>What are you working on?

Fan-fiction.

What I am working on mostly involves trying to shade the narration with a single character's POV. Also dialogue, getting the voices right. An excellent exercise with the carrot being the sheer fun of wallowing in the franchise.

I am writing about a sort of monster story. The story is about this guy who keeps having these recurring dreams of a monster attack and the dreams become more frequent to the point where he has no clue which is real and which is a dream.

I already worked on the Prologue and Chapter 1, but Chapter 2 is still in progress. The idea for this story are more inspired by my personal experiences with ADD and the fact that I day dream a lot, but I found a better example that can help me with my story. There is a short story called The Night Face Up and the story takes place in modern times about this motorcyclist that keeps dreaming that he is about to have his head cut off by the Aztecs. So this short story is more inspirational than my personal experiences.

I'm writing a sequence of short stories about eight people from four different dimensions that are taken by a god who's revealed close to the end. It acts however it wants, literally dragging someone back to the group one day, dividing the group amongst two separate universes the next. However, there is a pattern: whenever a group fixes a problem in the universe it's put in, it moves on once it falls asleep. The people don't know if there's an end and if so when. They don't know if there's a reason and if so what. They even know who or what's moving them around. But, they persevere in the hopes of getting back home, with their bodies and sanity intact.

I know how autistic that sounds, but I think it's a good way to experiment with characters. I'm planning on using all eight characters in later stories.

>>5339

I like the sounds of this; sort of a grand, mythical version of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, with a bit less hate.

>>5340

>I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

Honestly I wasn't thinking about that at all when I came up with it. I can see were that came from, but I was thinking something like the classic journey story or even the Canterbury Tales.

I don't think this question's worth its own thread, so here goes: what's the best place to post OC? /pen/, /lit/?

>>5350

>OC?

Original Content should be welcome on any board, and we aren't exactly swimming in it. I'm not sure though what you mean by it.

If you're looking to solicit some feedback and criticism, it can be found here. Keep in mind the limitations of the medium. A short story is about the absolute limit, and anything over four pages is unlikely to inspire effort.

Google docs and pastebin I'm comfortable with if you prefer to link to something. If you'd rather drop it on the board directly it's probably better to start your own thread. That sort of behavior might not be tolerated elsewhere; here we don't have to be so prissy as things are slow enough that it's not hurting the board. Choose your method and fire away.

In theory /pen/ ought to be better. As I've discovered, to my dismay, image board culture and the writing arts are incompatible. There have been three or four other boards here on 8chan dedicated to writing that bit the dust pretty much from birth.

So anyone who wants to write and sets up shop here is welcome. It adds a nice bit of variety.

>>5356

>If you're looking to solicit some feedback and criticism, it can be found here.

Yea that's what I meant. Noticed that /pen/ has a bit more content than here, but the people here give good crit when given the chance. I might as well post on both boards, but I'm not sure how good of an idea that is.

I'm independently publishing my novel about an artist whose obsession with two women drives him to serial killing. I don't think agents will see how it's marketable, but I do, so I'm the best person to market and publish it. Just got the cover last week, it's beautiful. Trying to scrape together some funds to get a good typesetter once the editors have had their gentle ways with it. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to hold it in my hands.

>>5000

I'm working on a shitty book about a girl in a capitalist future.

>>5000

I'm writing a bit of fantasy, but it's not what one might expect. I feel good about it, and might go into it further after I get some stuff up.

Other than that, I just finished a short story about a stupid guy who is waiting in the cold for his lover to show up. Simple stuff like that.

>>5947

I've applied this technique to everything in my life.

>>5000

I'm working on a novel about a girl in the world around 2100. It's not "LEL FUTURE FAGGET".

>>5000

Nothing, because my motivation left me long ago and I must daily remind myself of what I once wanted from life.

To those of you whose mother tongue isn't english, do you write in your native language? If so, where do you post your work? Where do you discuss it? I can't find any place where I could share what I've written.

I've been working on a story that's germinating for quite some time. A few days ago I had a moment where a golden idea formed in my mind. I have typed up all my notes for different ideas and the plan of the rest of the story. The only thing now is to re-write some parts and eventually finish it.

>>5000

I'm writing a novella where some dipshit aristocrat from a landed English family goes to live with his drug baron cousin in southern Egypt and ends up doing a bunch of horrible shit.

Nothing atm I have 1000 plans and no idea which to write. I should just sack up and choose 1

>>5356

>In theory /pen/ ought to be better. As I've discovered, to my dismay, image board culture and the writing arts are incompatible. There have been three or four other boards here on 8chan dedicated to writing that bit the dust pretty much from birth.

I think we all secretly dream of publishing when we write and putting something on an image board where some 12 year old can lift it and claim it as his rubs us up their wrong way. Especially when there's many good, dedicated critique groups out there with a vested interest in remaining confidential.

Most anons who do post works here are either very brave or posting stuff they know is unpublishable and want beginner level feedback.

I've just started writing something inspired by memory, dreams, and the subjectivity of perception and unconscious thought. I don't know of any existing novels that do it, so I did. No existing novels that I've read are anything like the one that I really want to read, though. None of them have the atmosphere that I like to experience in art.

>>5002

I'm here because the mods told me I'm not allowed to post on halfchan anymore. Now I have to settle for a board that updates about once per hour.

>>6553

>I think we all secretly dream of publishing when we write and putting something on an image board where some 12 year old can lift it and claim it as his rubs us up their wrong way. Especially when there's many good, dedicated critique groups out there with a vested interest in remaining confidential.

>Most anons who do post works here are either very brave or posting stuff they know is unpublishable and want beginner level feedback.

This. I'd love to get feedback on the things I write, but I also can't post anything here because I'm afraid it will be stolen. When I do post something, I put it on pastebin unlisted with an expiration of a day or sometimes a week.

>>5000

> I have the continent, the cosmology, and the culture of the ethnic groups, and am currently working on building a history for it all–fallen powers, group migrations, linguistic relationships, etc

A friend of mine had a similar idea to yours, OP.

He was busy writing a long story about some alternate fantasy universe into which the main character was swept away to.

My friend said he wanted to really flesh out a new world that is dissimilar to the tired old shit you usually see in fantasy novels.

He was constantly busy figuring out the world's history, the relationships between empires, the inner workings of the world's economy and its history, etc.

I was interested to read it, mainly because he's my friend.

However, after opening the text file he sent me I soon realized what he was writing was nothing but an autistic collection of facts strung together by a flimsy story about a world that did not exist and I also did not give a shit about, and it bored me to tears- so I closed the file and never spoke to him again.

What I'm trying to say is that he spent too much time working on something only he thought was interesting, and it ended up biting him in the ass despite his efforts.

Of course I haven't read your story and therefore I can't be sure if my advice is even warranted but I'll give it to you anyway.

Try not to get lost in world building too much. To you it might be very interesting, but if there's no story in place solid enough for readers to care about the world it takes place in, people won't care and that would be a terrible waste of your work.

Anyway, please keep going OP, because what you're wanting to write sounds interesting.

Now, to stick to the thread's topic, I myself have been writing;

-an inarticulate short story about love and deciding your own fate, with hints of surrealism,

-an inarticulate short story about helping others in order to help yourself, with hints of surrealism

and

-an inarticulate short story about dwelling on the past and how history repeats itself, with hints of surrealism.

I'm writing fanfiction. I enjoy reading about the art of writing, I definitely love reading great literature, and I like pondering the mechanics of storytelling, in any form. As far as characters and setting though I don't really care about creating my "own" thing.

It's pure fun, because I get to continue enjoying characters and settings that I already like, entertain other people who also like those things, and experiment with storytelling techniques. I have only released one little story so far but I am looking forward to the fact that most fanfic sites have a system where you can see how many hits and comments etc. your works recieve, so it's like I will be able to measure what kind of techniques get what kind of response.

I am 30k into a Asimovian polemics flic involving weaponized biosuits. it will be pulpy I know, but I am having fun making up the world and setting (i've even typed up some scenes that I cant include in it because its litterally just a rpg-esque fluff piece of certain technology or location). My only nagging doubt is that fact that for a very good reason, all the characters have numbers instead of names and Iam worried that may piss off readers. But I have a strategy to make sure there is never any confusion to it.

>>5331

Write it for the good of us all. That sounds really cool. What tone are you shooting for?

I've written three proper short stories though none of them would probably be very interesting to most. One I wrote about a guy stopping to watch a bird in a parking garage that sort of represents the feeling of being young and terrified of the future.

I tried getting started on a novel a while ago about a nobody living in Orlando who gets a job as an office assistant in a museum in Celebration village, only it's an alternate version of Celebration where the city is populated almost entirely by lesbians and he stumbles into several relationships among them and into a big secret as well. I wrote an outline with chapter names and a basic idea of what kinds of things happen, but I haven't been able to weave it into a complete story.

>>5000

I'm writing a novel about a guy who finishes his undergrad degree and finds no employment. I haven't really thought of a direction for the story to go but at this point in time its basically Millennials Suck: The Book. Rather than being sympathetic or critical its really meant to be related to. Though I'm also trying to hold up a mirror to contemporary society. I'm going to try explore the relationships between individuals and draw out that feeling of resentment towards the status quo that they all feel. There is a lot of anger, depression and confusion about this time we live in. Alienation and loneliness is probably the biggest theme of this generation. I don't think I can explain it but I can illustrate it in characters. Here is a random paragraph I jotted down.

"Can I, can I just?" she interrupted. "Its great that we have such a melting pot of cultures, you walk down the street and there is an Indian or a Muslim and its beautiful". She had to stop her spiel momentarily to prevent some alcoholic bile from spewing out of her mouth. The glazed over expression on her face had given way to an intense, animated look. Trying now to squeal over the music and shouting she continued "I can't believe that its 2015 and there are still people who are stuck in this 'White Australia; mentality. I mean its 2015". A few people nodded as if the statement held some profound meaning. Others looked into their drinks and hoped the subject would change. Some drunk passersby who had propped themselves up against the kitchen counter, took the awkward lull in conversation as an opportunity to leave. Eventually the topic shifted to an unpopular absent mutual friend. Bitching made all the girls perk up. The tension in the air had been dispelled and there was a quiet relief that politics was off the agenda now. I felt a sudden pang in my gut and realised I had to urgently take a leak. The feeling came over me quickly and half doubled over I quickly made my way to the bathroom. The door was locked and from the audible slapping coming from behind the closed door I realised I would have to go outside.

Sporadically working on a semi-autobiographic piece that's pretty much "My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Novel".

Also, "The Gaelic Wars But With Faeries 'N Shit""

I'm doing nanowrimo this year for the third year in a row. The first time I did hardcore Asimovian polemics following an abandoned colony on a distant planet. The second time I did Historical Fiction in the Thirty Years War.

I'm not sure what I want to do this time. Part of me wants to mix up the genre, but all my attempts at fantasy are terrible and I am bored by the real world.

I just want to improve my writing, I felt like sections of both of my stories were starting to read like Matthew Reilly which I would dearly like to avoid.

Any advice?

>>5013

This is good advice, thank you.

>>7136

You're not exactly subtle, but I like it.

Just got started on a spoopy story for fun.

Here's my first 1.5 paragraphs. Just set up. Let me know what I could improve, if it's an interesting starter. Thanks.

All the time I spent in the house never felt like much time at all. I didn’t seem to be overdoing it on alcohol and I never did drugs. No family history of mental illness. I did google what kind of symptoms to look for in brain tumors. Then I got a little paranoid that I might be on the precipice of a fugue state. I had some sense talked into me by a few trusted friends regarding that last suspicion, and I was equally assuaged by the fact that I wasn’t losing all of my time, just the time spent at work, in the house. The only thing that stilted my investigation into this blackness that was swallowing my experiences was that it didn’t seem to be affecting my productivity. The few moments that I can consistently recall in the place were of walking in and walking out. Each time I was able to definitely note that work had been done. Furthermore, if the other carpenters were picking up my slack, they wouldn’t have kept quiet about it.

I figured there must be some type of gas leaking in from somewhere that had a combination roofinol ambien affect. Not only could I not remember the entire eight working hours of my day, but I was having dreams. I could never remember my dreams before. The freakiest part was that the dreams were of the house. That’s the only way I can remember what the place looked like. The experiences I lost working in the house in real life were replaced my fantasies of the house while I slept.

>>7179

>starting to read like Matthew Reilly

As fast paced thrillers?

Off the wall suggestion, try some comedy. Sounds like you could do a send up satire of of a stereotypical thriller if nothing else comes to mind.

>>7241

I can do cynical and satirical and sarcastic, but full on comedy is probably beyond me. I don't think I've ever read any other than Hitchhiker's Guide, and I don't really have an interest in the genre.

I get what you're saying though, I just wish I knew better how to apply it.

>>7249

>I've written 304,000 words about my autistic childhood fantasy

That´s pretty impressive in and of itself.

Fuck it, I'll do nanowrimo.

I've been meaning to write something, to feel the rush of creation, to give ideas in my head a real form, but i feel like whatever i may get to write, it'll never be close to what i demand from myself.

I guess the "perfectionism conflict" will only fade away (if slightly) by either my well-being depending on splurging out 1666 words a day or artificially forcing myself to it.

>>7272

You can use:

>>>/library/

and link back here. Link format is:

[three greater-than characters]/library/[optional post number]

For example:

>>>/library/22

To be fair, three hundred thousand plus words is unlikely to generate any attention. What you might consider doing instead is to upload only the first chapter.

You might also consider using pastebin, which can be set to expire. Or, google docs, which can be deleted, changed, or otherwise removed from public view at will.

The following message has been brought to you by the hidden cabal to reduce the rates of imageboard user base suicide and operator/owner homicide.

While fighting your way through the grand 8chan speed bump post filtering system, please consider listening to this as a means to keep up your enthusiasm and, optionally, your sanity:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl94MkEeDBg

And now, a personal message from a typical representative of your own local board staff:

Cock faggering shitfaced ball manglers? WHERE DID MY POST GO? FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCK!

That is all.

>>7273

I did upload it

https://media.8ch.net/library/src/1446055345511.pdf

Honestly if you just read a random segment halfway through or near the end or wherever, and give me critique, I'd be more than happy. Especially the firefight scenes. I want to describe them well, but not over describe them. The problem is, with longer fights that I really want some degree of detail with, it's hard to write them without sounding repetitive.

Honestly any feedback would help. The plot is kind of set in stone but the texture of the writing needs help. Even if you just pick a random paragraph and pick it apart, tell me what sucks and why, and what is good and why, it'd help.

It's the same thing i run into with a lot of my projects; equally-valid ways of doing something, that I can't decide between, and end up trying to compromise and getting something even worse.

anyway, rant over. thanks for any help you might have. I will check thread until it dies.

>>7273

Or, here, I did a pastebin of one of my battle descriptions. I am going for something like a mix of Tolkien-esque historical narrative type thing, and the kind of battle panorama you see in movies.

http://pastebin.com/N2uxgY1p

Any advice would be helpful.

working on creating a fantasy world based off 14/15th century that I can write some quick short stories for

>>7295

>501 pages

As much as I'd love to go through all of this, there's no way I'll be able to since I'm working on a couple writing projects and attempting to put a collection of short stories together

Once I finish writing for the night, I'll post a short writeup of criticism for this. There's a few things you could do to remove some repetition.

>>7295

>>7296

OK, lemmie see what I can do with these. I'll start with the battle scene pastebin.

For the big pdf I'll try out three chapters, the beginning, something in the middle, and something near the end. Unfortunately I can't read the whole as I have some major creditors pounding on the door of my time bank. Reading to critique stuff out of context has its advantages though.

>>7296

Aireo-navies, eh?

The term "cruiser" is cliched. Frank Herbert used the term ornithopter to vividly name the air vehicles in use on Dune. That specific word is clearly not what you are describing here. It's the idea of finding a better name that is is worth some consideration.

>Leo's fleet pressed them the hardest, among

the Sarengarthians.

Awkwardly indirect. Change to:

Among the Sarengarthians Leo's fleet pressed them the hardest.

Also, exercise care in describing that mob as Leo's fleet if you simply mean his side, or the good guys. Is he just a ship captain? A squadron or wing commander? Is he really the grand asskicker in chief?

Later in the story he appears very much to be exclusively a ship captain, outside of one order to (Some? All? Two?) of the fighter-interceptors. And, unless his pre-battle orders consisted of no more than: "Go gettum!" he's not acting like a flag officer.

>The late-afternoon sun gleamed off the water.

This sentence is totally out of place. It belongs in the first paragraph, or just delete it.

>The louse fleet reached the edge of the ocean now, where the water grew from clear to black. The sea from which they'd come just days earlier.

Gah. These two sentences are badly jumbled. The second one needs to start with "This was" (or something) – and an ocean is not a sea. I'd rewrite it like this:

The louse fleet passed the edge of the coastline, and over water that grew from clear to black. Here was the sea from which they'd come just days earlier. The cruisers began …

>The sunlight …

Bog standard candle wax (paraffin) is dull white. Sepia is brown tinged with red. Huh?

>fell like ash

Ash is what remains after something is finished burning. "Fell like embers" better captures the idea here.

>“Ready,” he commanded.

Iffy. A separate gunnery officer would be announcing the status of the weapon systems here.

Fight scenes and combat work better the more closely you stick with the characters. You want to show it through their eyes as much as possible, what they see, feel, and do. You almost have the idea, but not quite.

As an exercise I would have you read through the carrier ambush sea battle sequence in the book "Red Storm Rising" by Tom Clancy. Now, Clancy does sketch in the lead up and background details as one would expect, but he spends the minimum time in this expository narration before he jumps us into the shoes and situation of some character. That character might be poofed into existence for brief scene, and never seen nor heard from again. Checking in with a major character is always good, but even a minor throw away works.

While I'm certainly picking your battle scene apart it was otherwise quite readable. Keep at it, keep writing.

>>7324

Thanks a ton m8. This helps a lot.

>>7367

Sure but I'm behind on my critiquing. I still owe this poster:

>>7338

three more chapters.

So be patient on waiting for feedback.

>>7370

These stories are all handwritten, so I am typing this manually.

Everything I have written I have written in a state of tired stupor, as such, I will correct any misspelled words, but everything else is completely the same including misused words, so feel free to ask questions for clarification. I will stay faithful to the original formatting, but it won't look exactly the same here as on the pages. I should also note that near the end I was getting more tired and my mental state was degrading rapidly, so you may notice a steady quality drop as the story progresses.

This is the first text

A dark room, over a hundred years old, lies in ruin. Rotting wooden bookshelves line three of the walls, filled with old books which have fallen apart from decades of exposure. The books on the bottom shelves have disintegrated entirely, leaving piles of rot among other debris such as splintered wood, plaster, and paint dust.

Above the bookshelves are what was once an intricate design, moulded and set in place to complete the walls, now indiscernable and hidden behind a web of cracks.

The fourth wall is plain, with two windows set in, adorned by cast iron reinforcements in a framed diamond pattern. The windows have been boarded up from the inside despite not being broken, and the wall around them is heavily cracked and falling apart. Where the wall meets the floor, there are more piles of debris and rot. Opposite the windows, amongst the bookshelves, is the rooms only door which is rotting from bottom up.

The ceiling has fallen away in a few places, and show signs of water damage. In the center hangs an iron chandelier, rusted and falling away. Below is the rotting wooden floor, barely able to hold its own weight. A portion of the floor left of the doorway has fallen away, leaving a pitch-black hole.

It is daytime now, the Suns light filters through the cracks between the boards over the windows, giving the room a soft light.

The door suddenly starts creaking, and slowly swings open. Standing in the doorway is a little girl, no more than nine. She stands a little taller than halfway up the doorframe. She donns a simple light-blue dress, and a pair of pink slippers slightly too large for her feet. She is dirty, and her clothes tarnished. She is skinny, her hair unkempt, and her teddy bear, which she is clutching to her body with both arms, has been messily repaired.

The girls slowly walks in, her facial expression neutral. Her blue eyes telling the tale of a short, painful life. She walks over to the window on the right, with a faint etheral glow surrounding her which gives little light to the room.

She peers through the boards, looking outside to the daylit terrain.

She starts to sob, and breaks down crying, slumped on the floor.

The room slowly grows dark, as the Sun sets over the horizon.

She lay silent, knowing that there is nothing left to do, and nothing left to say.

Time goes on.

>>7371

Symbolism is the all. Be all, end all, yo.

An illustration of a mind disintegrating from the bottom up. This is pretty straightforward. It is also suggestive of a physical process, diabetes goes from bottom up this way. I might be misreading the physical emphasis though.

The bottom up detailing is also suggestive of a breaking of connections with the past, creeping up on the present.

The idiomatic meaning of "The fourth wall" only clicked on the second reading, although the two windows serving for eyes was clear from the first.

A boarded over defensive refusal to view the outside … yes.

"Messily repaired …" hm. This is all more of a mental internal imaging, but I'll stick with my impression there are physical aspects external to the theater stage of a mind being hinted at as well.

All is not lost as the world outside filters though and in with a soft warm glow. A therapy session as a blessed palliative refuge for a time? But all good things come to an end, and an external refuge is only temporary, and never an inward reaching cure.

That's my under-analyzed review. There is more in there to chew on but I'm going to cut short my half assed clinically symbolic take. Now for some criticism.

> Above the bookshelves are what was once an intricate design, moulded and set in place to complete the walls, now indiscernable and hidden behind a web of cracks.

This one sentence is the only part that tripped my "something is wrong with the writing here" sense. It's fairly reliable, although I can't always grasp what that fault happens to be. I think what I'm flashing on is the contrast falling flat.

This sentence is suggestive of the mind's past form before the degrading rot sets in. It is lacking in detailing, yes – too vague, and could be better described, and better emphasized. The point of doing so would be to hammer the contrast of the past with the web of cracks that is the measure of the mind now.

>moulded and set in place to complete the walls

A very interesting phrase speaking volumes about the forming processes of the past, and should be retained. It's not quite enough to carry the contrast as noted above.

>>7385

I really should reread before posting. It takes place in a fictional African city.

>>7115

>What I'm trying to say is that he spent too much time working on something only he thought was interesting, and it ended up biting him in the ass despite his efforts.

But could he write? Did his prose bring that world to life in your mind's eye? That's the trick to writing good fantasy; the landscape needs to be as detailed, if not more, than your characters and the world's backstory.

Personally, the whole "no-life, NEET, autist is transported to world with magic and qt3.14s fawning over his micropenis" schtick is one of the most tired and trite plots ever conceived, and I consider the concept a tragedy of both the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

>>7385

>>7385

>My problem is my villain, I'm not sure about what he wants, or why he would beat a girl half to death

Her dad's a politician right? Maybe he was about to pass a law, or successfully passed a law, that made it much harder for criminals to do their business (maybe something to do with human trafficking or whatever), and the villain attacked the girl as a threat/warning/payback for that. Come on dude, this shit writes itself.

>>7392

>But could he write?

Oh, fuck no. He told everything from a first person perspective, without taking advantage of all the things you can do with that, which made it really grating, and spent about one paragraph detailing the country his story took place in before going off on a tangent about its politics and other boring shit.

>no-life, NEET, autist is transported to world with magic and qt3.14s fawning over his micropenis

Funny that you say that. My friend is one of those asexual autists who I suspect doesn't even ever whack the rat, so there's a distinct lack of waifus or anything else that at least satisfies basement dwellers' base desires.

> I consider the concept a tragedy of both the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

You and me both. I've noticed the fad is on its way out though.

>>7384

The way I interpret this image is that the girl is a spirit who still wanders around the now abandoned mansion she grew up in (and died in?). I mean, she's all blue, has particles floating around her and isn't at all dressed for urban exploration. Rather, she looks like she just woke up in the middle of the night.

Shit, that gave me an idea. How's this: girl wakes up at night, is scared or upset or whatever, knows her father would still be in his study so she goes to look for him. Then, when she enters his study (the room in the picture), everything's suddenly old and fucked up and she remembers she's been dead for like fifty years .

>>7384

She walked in the empty library, her gaze following the overflowing shelves to the boarded-up windows. She spoke her mind to her teddy, clutched in her hands.

"This is it?"

It staid silent, but, if it could talk, she thought, it would say "Yes, it's quite the mystery. Who would leave these books and take all the furniture?"

She opened for a random book. "I would. What could someone want with these?"

"They're valuable. Look at how thick they are."

She gave on the book, seeing the preface referred to the spaceship story with the pre-Wordfilter term. "But our old chair was thicker," she said, "and mom said it wasn't worth anything."

"Yes, but that was after you smashed it over my head."

"Then that's our solution. Someone hit teddies with these books until they were worthless. Case closed."

>>7295

Hey there, glad to see you haven't abandoned this project. I was there for your thread on /b/ back in December last year.

Keep going at it, don't give up. I recommend maybe taking a small break from your magnum opus from time to time to perhaps make some shorter creative writing, and see to it that it's published or at least reviewed by trusted critics of the medium. Then use that critique to fine tune your project and get everything ready. The commitment you've made to this whole thing deserves recognition, of which I'm sure you'll get some day.

One major problem I'm concerned about is the usage of the name "Whos" for your fictional species. Even if it was allowed, chances are kids 10, 20 years from now will still be brought up on Seuss and cross wires in their heads as to whose Whos are who. I know it's one of the main features of what you've done, but I think the best course of action would be to corrupt the name to something that SOUNDS like Whos but isn't quite that name in particular.

Also, for the love of god, don't continue to make the mistake of posting to cuckchan's /b/, they plain don't see the creativity and hard work that's gone into it, and just see your self-deprecation. I've stalked your Youtube and expressed disgust at those who are kicking you after you put yourself down on the ground.

>>5331

That's freaking awesome, m8. You gotta tell /fit/ about this.

>>7115

This is some good advice. I'm also worldbuilding right now, and afraid of making the same mistake as your friend did.

>>7392

>Personally, the whole "no-life, NEET, autist is transported to world with magic and qt3.14s fawning over his micropenis" schtick is one of the most tired and trite plots ever conceived, and I consider the concept a tragedy of both the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

What I hate is how the fucker always learns how to fight with a sword within two weeks. I'm pretty sure a skilled medieval knight would mop the floor with just about anyone nowadays in a sword fight.

>>7430

>Also, for the love of god, don't continue to make the mistake of posting to cuckchan's /b/, they plain don't see the creativity and hard work that's gone into it, and just see your self-deprecation. I've stalked your Youtube and expressed disgust at those who are kicking you after you put yourself down on the ground.

Yeah I guess I should stop doing that. Honestly nothing from /b/ hurts my feelings, that's part of why I post it there. If people call it stupid, well that's what I expect. If they like it, it's a meaningful comment that keeps me going for days. I do agree I should not have posted my Youtube there, though…. I should probably go and delete some of those comments.

> One major problem I'm concerned about is the usage of the name "Whos" for your fictional species. Even if it was allowed, chances are kids 10, 20 years from now will still be brought up on Seuss and cross wires in their heads as to whose Whos are who. I know it's one of the main features of what you've done, but I think the best course of action would be to corrupt the name to something that SOUNDS like Whos but isn't quite that name in particular.

I have been toying with this idea for a while. At one point I called them "nits" because that was pretty close to "lice" and that was what I had named them when I first tried "writing" the story when I was about 14. One thing I have done is given the lice an "official" name, the Dhomezi, whereas they are just referred to vulgarly as "lice"

"Nyara" is a specific name for the race of whos from the valley in which Peter Green is born; thus, his family line is mostly Nyara. I've considered using that as a name for the whos. I don't know.

If you have any suggestions for what to call them, I am more than open.

> I recommend maybe taking a small break from your magnum opus from time to time to perhaps make some shorter creative writing, and see to it that it's published or at least reviewed by trusted critics of the medium.

I am working a bit on a short-ish story about half-inch tall people and their attempts to escape a laboratory where humans are testing on them. A bit like that old Rats of NIMH book.

> Keep going at it, don't give up.

I've got the document open and I've written about 200 words so far. I haven't gotten incredibly far lately, but it comes and goes in cycles. I'm sure if I graphed my progress there'd be months where I got 10,000 or 20,000 words in, and some where I didn't add anything at all. But I certainly haven't given up. I've been fine-tuning my writing style, especially for battle scenes, which are hard to write in an entertaining way.

>>7430

Oh and thank you for the encouragement / advice. it means a ton.

FADE IN:

INT. A COFFEESHOP - DAY

Donkey and Shrek sit across from one another, drinking spiced lattes. Donkey looks like he’s just finished a cycle of chemotherapy.

SHREK

(sipping)

Mmm. How’s yours?

DONKEY

Excellent.

SHREK

It just warms me to my toes.

DONKEY

Yeah. My taste’s still off, but.

DONKEY

It’ll come back though… Apparently.

SHREK

You’re already looking better.

DONKEY

I think so, too.

Donkey looks down.

SHREK

What’s up?

DONKEY

Nothing. It’s just been a weird couple months.

Beat.

SHREK

Yeah.

DONKEY

When everything is working it’s so easy to forget you have a body. You’re just focused on the task at hand, the book you’re reading, the paper you’re writing, I don’t know, doing the dishes – it’s crazy how little the actual experience of living life seems to have to do with having a body. You just use it all the time…you forget you have it.

SHREK

Yeah. – Yeah, totally.

DONKEY

And then some part of it just goes rougue, hah hah. Then you remember.

Shrek strokes Donkey’s hoof.

DONKEY

And when I feel a tickle in my throat now…

Beat.

DONKEY

I don’t know… Optimism! Hah hah.

SHREK

I’m optimistic. – It’s definitely been…

He wells up.

SHREK

I’m sorry. I just love you.

DONKEY

I love you. I spent – it’s stupid – I spent a lot of time thinking about what our last moments together would be like, you know? I kept thinking about what I wanted to end it on, and everything I came up with wasn’t quite right. And I realized it was because I don’t want to go away from you. Ever. And it’s terrifying to think that one day – it’ll just be too soon, any time will be too soon, and it’s scary to know these things all end. Because we’re a team.

He wipes his eyes.

DONKEY

I don’t know.

SHREK

We have lots of time still.

DONKEY

Why do we get any? We’re just torn out of some nothing so we can care about things and then get numb to them and then, right before the end start to care again. And then, just, the lights go out. Is that –

Beat.

SHREK

I don’t think that’s it. I prayed for you every minute, even when I was doing other things in the back of my head I was asking god to make you better. I think it doesn’t have to end like that. I think whoever goes first will be waiting for the other one.

DONKEY

I feel like a time bomb. I’m not ready.

SHREK

You don’t have to be ready yet.

DONKEY

I’ll never be ready.

SHREK

We’ll think about that later. Right now, I love you, and – we’re celebrating!

DONKEY

Okay.

SHREK

Yeah?

DONKEY

Yeah. Okay.

They eat their parfaits.

FADE OUT.

>>7462

>>7464

Absolutely perfect

>>7464

>>7462

Needs context, sorry. Maybe I'm just retarded. Don't change anything on my account unless other people agree.

>>7472

I think the context is that Donkey just finished his chemo but he's still worried about his health

FADE IN:

INT. A COFFEESHOP - DAY

Adam is sitting at a table, looking pensive as he drinks his coffee.

Eve walks in and waves at him.

ADAM

Hey.

EVE

Hey. – I’m just gunna grab a coffee.

Adam nods.

LATER

They’re sitting across from one another.

EVE

So what’s so important?

ADAM

Well. I don’t know. How are you, first of all?

EVE

Really good. I’m working at best buy full time, and at Starbucks part time – like three nights a week – so that’s cool. Not as much time to see people and stuff as I’d like but…what do you do right? I think I’m going to quit Starbucks soon, though.

ADAM

Oh yeah, why is that?

EVE

My boss is just. I guess, here’s the thing: she’s a nice woman – outside of work. And, that’s not even right. It’s not like she’s mean to me at work. She just doesn’t know how to manage people? I think? She always wants to “motivate us”, but it’s always in the wrong ways.

ADAM

How do you mean?

EVE

Just like, for instance: the other day – and keep in mind before my shift at starbucks I worked an eight hour shift at bestbuy, and I got up early that day to work out, and I hardly sleep at all as it is, so – yeah, I was exausted. Anyways, she said: “for some reason I just assumed that with a brain like yours and a computer science degree, you’d be able to tell the difference between milk and cream”. Just shit like that.

ADAM

I’m confused…

EVE

I know! Like, why would you go there for something so trivial? And she’s just always doing things like that.

ADAM

Fuck. No kidding. So what did you do?

EVE

I dunno. Just switched the cream back to the cream container and the milk to the milk container. She wasn’t pissed or anything, just a customer noticed and – yeah, that’s just an example though.

ADAM

Yeah, that sounds shitty.

Beat.

EVE

So what’s up?

>>7474

Beat.

ADAM

I dont know. We were pretty close friends for a while, hey?

Beat.

EVE

Yeah. – We were.

ADAM

I waver a lot between… You know when you do something shitty, and afterwards you feel bad about it, and to get rid of the guilt you take a kind of fatalistic approach..?

(tearing up)

Like, you tell yourself you couldn’t have helped doing it, and then you just try to forget about it?

Eve’s face clouds over.

EVE

Why are you doing this.

ADAM

And then there are some things that no matter how much you tell yourself it was just the situation, that you had no control over what you did, the guilt doesn’t go away. It just sits there, in the pit of your stomach, festering like some fucking… I’m disappointed in myself. I’m not looking for pity or anything, but I – I tried to kill myself last week. For a while I – I don’t know – I had this feeling that something was off, but I couldn’t pin-point it. I felt like I was in a rickety boat by myself, and everything was pitch black, and I just knew a wave was headed right for me, coming to take me down, I just knew it even though I couldn’t see it. And so I took the pills so I’d be gone before it hit but it hit anyway and I went down. – I thought of a lot of the people I’ve hurt – I won’t say all of them, because I’m sure there’s people I’ve hurt without even registering. Hurt deeply, and never even gave it a second thought. I though about that and I thought about how after you hurt someone you have to cut them out of your life because any time you see them it just reminds you about it and you feel disappointed in yourself all over again. I’m sorry. – And there’s no excuses now. Circumstances and whatever is just bullshit. I’m sorry and I wish I could take it back.

Long beat.

EVE

You can’t, though. You can’t take it back. Because you don’t get to decide to own up so you can feel better about yourself. It’s not about you. You aren’t the –

Beat.

EVE

I can’t look at myself! Do you understand that? I can’t look at myself because I feel like a fucking creature. I work and I go home and I stay by myself. Do you know what that is? I’m frozen.

ADAM

I’m sorry, I kno–

EVE

I had so many things. I did. I think I was happy. – And I trusted you. Like family. I’m frozen now.

Long beat.

EVE

I need to go.

She stands up and shakily pulls out her wallet.

ADAM

No. Please.

She hastily puts some coins on the table.

EVE

(wiping her eyes)

Goodbye, Adam.

She walks out.

FADE OUT.

>>7472

This:

>>7473

In fact, it's implied he will die soon. Chemo is not traditionally seen as a sign of recovery, only something that slightly prolongs your life.

>>7466

>>7469

Thanks guys.

>>7472

>>7477

Given that it's formulated as a short, what sort of information did you feel was wanting?

>>7523

Two interesting vignettes.

Well screenplayed.

With regard to context, in part, I suspect it's the difficulty general readers have with plays. The second works better, the minimalism of the format doesn't interfere with a reader constructing a vision of the scene and characters. The biblical reference invites a humorous interpretation that adds to the impact.

The first is more discordant. It seems to require the additional reminder (Shrek strokes Donkey’s hoof.) to help the reader see the animated anthropomorphic characters. Or simply maintain the vision.

I think the real value to be found here is how your readers react to the two pieces. In my case I'm neither religious, nor have any religious indoctrination beyond my own self directed exposure. And I'm experienced enough with pop-animation as well. Except, I'm more into older school animation, a previous generation if you will, and have not watched the Shrek films. My experience here is only from the occasional drive-by exposure.

What is worth study is how you must formulate the two, depending on audience. A fan-fiction site doesn't need any more for the second, the first needs no more wherever the venue.

Another contrast between the two is in the relationships, opposite verses same gender, making for an interesting study of reader reaction as well. Again, with the second, a general reader is to be expected to pass through without notice. The first gives pause and may throw one out of the story.

Having exposure to all sorts of fan-fiction shipping, and especially as I am a fan of Gore Vidal, a male-male presentation does not throw me. I'd bet it's part of the problem with people who raise the question: "Context, yo?"

Another fun contrast between the first and second, the first ends in a crash and is painful throughout. The second is invitingly warm and supporting in spite of the background pain. Yet, which do readers find more engaging?

Keep at it, OP. I think you have a useful learning tool to develop your writing skills through study of feedback from these two pieces.

Celeste Borges, a fifteen year old prostitute, was more or less indifferent to learn that she was two months pregnant with the child of one of her many clients. With a juvenile pragmatism she divided the fact of her pregnancy into good news and bad news: the good news was that she could now make some extra money, as without her menses she could work four weeks of each month instead of the usual three; the bad news was that she would have to start saving up so she could buy a crib before the child was born. As her belly grew larger, her indifference turned gradually to disquiet—and for good reason. Despite eating ravenously, Celeste lost instead of gained weight during the pregnancy, and she could not help but feel that the child inside her was bent on leeching all that it possibly could from her already slight body. She developed severe insomnia, and on the rare occasions when she did manage to fall asleep, she was invariably transported to a nightmarish otherworld that was populated by fiery gods and golden serpents, and by chanting infants and other strange portents. After the seventeenth man in a row blamed his impotence on her curse and left her chambers unsatisfied and in a fury, she finally turned to her tarrot cards for confirmation of what she already knew: she would die giving birth to the child.

When Celeste Borges, a fifteen year old Peruvian prostitute, learned that she had been pregnant for at least two months with the bastard child of one or another of her many clients, she was more or less indifferent. With a juvenile pragmatism, she divided the fact of her gravidity into good news and bad news: the good news was that she could now make some extra money, as without her menses she could work four weeks of each month instead of the usual three; the bad news was that she would have to start saving some of her money so she could buy a crib for the child.

As her belly grew larger, her world grew stranger, and her indifference turned to disquiet. Despite eating ravenously, Celeste lost weight during the pregnancy, and she could not help but feel that the child inside her was fundementally an antagonistic force, bent on leeching all that it possibly could from her already slight body, even unto her death. Usually a sound sleeper, Celeste developed severe insomnia; and on the increasingly rare occasions that she did manage to fall asleep, she dreamed vividly, invariably finding herself transported to a nightmarish otherworld that was populated by strange and portentous sights, like striding gods of fire who saw her soul yet had no eyes, and chanting infants who brandished golden staves that writhed like living serpants, and terrible jungle cats with gore and gobby entrails that hung from their mouths. Men from around the country inexplicably began coming in droves to see the young whore, often offering exorbitant sums to sleep with her. Their money came to naught. And so, after the forty-eighth man in a row left her chambers unsatisfied and in a fury, declaiming loudly as he stomped through the whorehouse halls that the blame for his uncharacteristic impotence lay wholly on her accursed head, Celeste finally turned to her tarrot cards for confirmation of what, deep down, she already knew: she would die giving birth to the child.

On the ninth of March, 1973, a baby boy was torn out of Celeste and placed into her arms. She held him long enough to whipser his name to the doctor, Jorge Luis, before being torn out of the world herself, by fate or by that other inscrutable midwife, that invisible gatekeeper to the pathless nights of oblivion.

>>7634

So this is critique coming from >>7634, just for context.

> When Celeste Borges, a fifteen year old Peruvian prostitute, learned that she had been pregnant for at least two months with the bastard child of one or another of her many clients, she was more or less indifferent.

This feels like too much exposition in an opening sentence. If this is the start of the novel, absolutely do not do this, because no offense but it reads very badly in my opinion. That said if you put it down to keep notes on specifics, I understand, but you might as well just put some bullet-point character info at the end of your document.

I'd rewrite it something like "When Celeste learned she was pregnant from one of her clients….." and leave it at that. It implies she's a hooker, for one thing. The bastard child is also implied. Maybe the next sentence should be "she could already see the curves of the two month old pregnancy on her body" and then mention something about a nurse had told her how dangerous pregnancy can be for 15 year olds.

Overall I'd say, cut down on the "big words", try to put things at an 8th grade reading level (in terms of word choice) and THEN go back and put in "big words" for spice. Not saying dumb down your writing, just make it more readable and don't make it sound like you used a thesaurus to write it. Which I doubt you actually did, some people just know a lot of words and use them. But use them as spice not the main course.

What else… I would say try to keep adverbs to a minimum, the less you use them the more impact they will have when you do. Not a huge problem here, though.

Stuff that is good:

> As her belly grew larger, her world grew stranger, and her indifference turned to disquiet.

Stuff that needs work

> Despite eating ravenously, Celeste lost weight during the pregnancy, and she could not help but feel that the child inside her was fundementally an antagonistic force, bent on leeching all that it possibly could from her already slight body, even unto her death.

Shorten this sentence down. I like the idea behind it but it is to long.

> On the ninth of March, 1973, a baby boy was torn out of Celeste and placed into her arms. She held him long enough to whipser his name to the doctor, Jorge Luis, before being torn out of the world herself, by fate or by that other inscrutable midwife, that invisible gatekeeper to the pathless nights of oblivion.

This is also a really good sentence, but cut it down a bit. For example, take out the "herself". You also spelled "whisper" wrong but I only mention that because I barely spotted the typo, and what the heck might as well proofread it a bit for you….

Now that I read the whole thing I realize that you might be going for that old-timey 1800s kind of writing style, which is fine. Most of my advice should still apply, but… eh, make of it what you will.

>>5000

It's easily summarized as

"magic, but in the present"

>>7777

also, quads

>>7777

moar? if you put ~200 to 500 words on pastebin I'll read it.

>>7790

I only have like 40 words at the moment

>>7791

If you have trouble starting, just write whatever scene you feel like to get in the habit of writing.

It got weird after I got bored

note, htis is not any part of any actual scene

There was only one way she was going to survive this. She tore off all her clothes and laid down in the hallway, her legs spread to reveal her wet pussy. She began masturbating, rubbing her clit with on hand while fingering her damp pussy and asshole with the other. The two strangers busted down the door, seeing her masturbating on the floor and began to strip as well. Both of them were female, twins. They threw their weaponry to the floor and began eating (girl) out. Before long she was moaning in pleasure as she felt her orgasm build up inside her, then it was released with a flood of girlcum. The twins lapped it up, then began to fuck each other on the floor. (girl) ran to her moms room, where she knew there was a strapon in the dresser. She returned into the hallway moments later, her massive horse penis fluttering in the wind. She began to ram the flared head of the strapon into one of the twins soaked vaginas, the twin crying out as the horse penis stretched her pussy wide open. (girl) pulled back and then rammed the strapon deep inside her, then again, and again. Within moments the twin was cumming, both holes clenching as she squirted and pissed herself until she was no more sentient, simply laying there in a huge pool of her own fluids, expanding as piss dribbled out of her. The next twin was already getting ready for the dildo as she fisted her asshole with both hands, withdrawing one every so often to coat it in a layer of saliva. (girl) brought the horse penis up to the second twin's asshole, then gently pushed it inside. She encountered almost no resistance as she slid up to the strapon's haft inside the twin.

>>7816

Reminds me a bit of "The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard".

I have like three folders, each containing a different work

>A

Long running Asimovian polemics saga based around human experimentation to create super soldiers that gets out of hand and the ensuing technology innovations made to combat the nonhumans. I changed protagonists about half way through, then realized the newer set of characters and their plots meshed better than the older set, so I may go back and do a lot cutting.

>B

Short fantasy novel about a princess whose kingdom was destroyed, and just before her death her consciousness was sent back in time to her former self with the intention that she find the prophesied Hero and have him trained to be stronger so that he doesn't die this time around. Its slowly revealed that her relationship with him is the reason the Hero dies in the first place; I'm also toying with the idea of a sequel that's based around the same protagonist, but a distinctly different story that's closer to horror

>C

A Asimovian polemics futuristic space tale of female mercenary and her former comrades in their struggle against the AI creation of an ancient race that's pulling the strings behind the war humanity has been fighting with an alien race for decades. There's some themes of xenophobia what it means to be recognized as an individual person versus an animal. There's also a lot of focus on interpersonal relationships involving parental influence as well as good ol' romantic attraction, but not overly so.

His name is Jon okay!? And he's having a very tough time right now.

Should I briefly describe a major character's skin tone color or not?

I already have an idea how my character's skin tone color would be.

>>8107

I mention visual details if they either distinguish or characterize a character. If a character is the only black guy in his company, I mention that, as it distinguishes him. If he has scars, I mention that, as they hint to his past, setting way for characterization. If your characters skin tone is noticeable, and I guess it is if you don't just settle with "something white-ish", then you can totally mention it.

>>8109

thanks for that. It will distinguish a character of mine since she's a mix but has light skin. Her mother is white while his father is light-brown. Well, this is just my truth on the matter I guess since I have a niece with the same skin color and is mix.

I could add a sibling that inherited the light-brown skin of the father but that will just bloat the story so I'm keeping it with one character for that family.

>>8109

>>8112

The truth of the matter is, the reason why I asked is because shitty king and JK Rowling doesn't go into specifics about the skin tone of their character and if I should follow their shitty less attention to details.

>>8113

When art transitions medium a variety of strange things happen: opportunities, constraints, economics, and fashion all trample in. It's topical now, what with Rowling and all, which is a key red flag I would hammer into your contentious as a simple rule of thumb. That rule is: fucking ignore this shit and get back to your writing. As a writer I would rather see you sampling meth for some inspiration instead of wasting time studying the cultural wars.

If your befreckled and unforgettably stacked hyper-competent warrior princess from the southern reaches of the Skeinboerne city states happens to ship wreck her way into a group of Nordic property management redistribution specialists, it might be nice, early on, to mention the fact she is a touch porphyritic.

At least mention it some time before all them mysteriously coincidental ganguro berserker cults start popping up in her wake.

Otherwise, my usual advise is to go light on physical sketching and let your readers imagination, plus other forms of nonphysical characterization, carry the characters through the story.

>>8115

>As a writer I would rather see you sampling meth for some inspiration instead of wasting time studying the cultural wars.

good point and thanks for the laugh too.

>Otherwise, my usual advise is to go light on physical sketching and let your readers imagination, plus other forms of nonphysical characterization, carry the characters through the story.

I'll go with that on the other characters. I was specific to that other character because of her heritage and future events.

Have you tried asking others to beta read your work? Won't they backstab you and steal your manuscript instead?

I'm planning on joining a writer's workshop for this purpose but I'm pretty skeptical on the whole thing. I don't even know if a writer's workshop is viable for beta reading, but I do find the portfolio of the workshop satisfactory (they're an old bunch, and self-published or traditionally published already).

>>5000

So where does a guy like me post his writing to get ripped apart and told how much of a pleb he is?

>>8125

There are suggestions in the FAQ: https://8ch.net/lit/oddsandends.html

TL;DR version …

Here, if the board format works for you. Timed to expire Pastebin, or publicly accessible Google docs are standards as well. If it's a link to a well known fanfic site or similar that works too, with some caveats.

And back to TL;DR …

As for some soliciting advise, you're not likely to get any feedback for something more than three standard pages long. If there are many problems, obviously repeating problems, or a very few severe issues most people will stop after three paragraphs (less than one page) and dump the critique on you.

A lengthy story is worth chopping up and posting small segments to Pastebin, and feeding it to the board very slowly, for these reasons.

A while back there was one single author I was following on Wattpad with a story that was sufficiently interesting to keep my attention. I've encountered many others who have submitted requests for feedback to entire novels and lists of works. I gave at least some feedback to these, the standard three paragraphs or pages worth of a look-see, and moved on. The point here is to keep your focus on the means of getting some feedback, as with the advise above.

Getting followers from an imageboard is damn near impossible, and goes against the spirit of imageboards to a great extent.

One final thing, between the holiday season and all the Next board drama things are a little hectic. If you run into a lack of response right now that just means people are distracted. Don't give up, rebump or resubmit your request next month.

>>8125

fanfiction.net

I'm considering giving myself a month of time to write a book in the Eclipse Phase universe. I wouldn't let it get published or even edited, so I don't think it will be particularly good, but because I do want to upload the .pdf, I at least have an incentive not to create too much shit.

What do you guys say? Is that a good idea for getting practice?

>>8235

Come up with your own setting.

I want my character to be tough, but I don't want to go through the usual route of the character being in some area of the military, my suspension of disbelief can't accept the route of self training. I could go the route of being taught by an ex-military related individual, but that's just barely circumventing what I already stated that I don't want.

I'm new to writing novels.

Before this I wrote technical manuals and essays.

How do you guys write novels?

>>8286

>How do you guys write novels?

I usually slap my fingers on a keyboard long enough for a story to come out.

>>8282

Make him a mercenary and give him a mask for good measure.

>>7888

Bizarro fiction: Portland hipsters' true gift to the arts.

I've been trying to write semi-seriously for a year or two now. Generally I just write about life, about random people I meet or trips I take. So obviously I'm constrained by what happens, and a lot of times the answer to that is not much The longest one is somewhere over 10k words on seeing a relative die, a man I never knew as a man with the world's least intimidating Halloween mask for a face.

I've also written a few stories that are just plain stories, but less, and I always don't know where to go with those.

Should I try and force it hard or no? I'm decent at description and building scenes, just not at knowing what those scenes should be when not drawn from life, and I come up blank when it comes to original characters.

>>8289

Ah, the thousand monkeys technique.

>>8270

Already have created one. I don't think worldbuilding is a problem for me.

>>8282

What setting is it? And how realistic is your story?

Don't know if this is thread necromancy but I've been working on short stories and fantasy genre poetry.

Think of William Morris, Lord Dunsany, George Sterling, and Lovecraft.

And right now im actually experimenting with a sci-fi short story set in a dystopian future after agenda 21 is set in place.

I've been looking into sending a few in after I finish writing them to Tor publications but I'm slightly insecure since I'm only 19 and just started writing.

Before I do send them in I'd like to build my skills up a little by DMing a tabletop RPG, which I never saw myself doing because I'm not a nerd.

>>8337

>Don't know if this is thread necromancy

The nature of the board makes this unimportant. We don't mind and that's how we've been rolling for the last year or so. Low traffic, but far and away from being dead.

>Before I do send them in I'd like to build my skills up a little by DMing a tabletop RPG, which I never saw myself doing because I'm not a nerd.

I'll caution you that writing and roleplaying are not the same. Roleplaying can be used as something of a testground, and for some inspiration. Some writers are known for doing just that. What it won't do is serve as a means to improve your writing for publication. You have to study fiction writing techniques, general writing techniques, and grammar.

The old saw is usually bandied about at this point: to improve your writing you need to be writing. That is true, especially so for a new writer trying find shortcuts around the writing process by doing anything other than writing. It still makes it all feel like a treadmill to nowhere if you remain unaware of the possibilities found in different tools and techniques writers use.

We had a writing suggestions guide at one point, which will return. I want to add to it a section that touches on this, suggesting where to go to practice techniques outside of writing groups, or to get away from just writing, writing, writing without a goal.

Stay tuned.

I'm a jackass who likes science fiction, and fantasy as a whole.

Figured I'd try my hand at a through-the-loooking-glass type work?

Essentially through the eyes of a man, in another world, from ours.

Science fiction. As the place I created first is going to have robots. I can't divulge all my details, but I was thinking some type of dystopia. A totalitarian society I could be misusing everything with a robot religion based on christianity. The religion is simplistic though, as if I got too into it, it would require alot of fleshing out in my head before I could even write about it. The robo's believe they were made by one machine. In the image of that machine, it made two robot "sexes". Not human sexes, or any organic species. I'm trying to think of how I can make them unique to tell them apart, like the "males" have square heads/bodies/pointed noses. Females have goofy "tit" plates, round "hips" so on.

My MC is human. We go through his perspective. I merely wanted a dark, large open world with a bleak kind of feeling to it. With steel skyscapers as high as the eye can perceive, and a stench of fluids burning. Broken robots littering the streets. Old outdated models, broken down and useless scattered all around.

The guy gets into this world through something I need to write first off. An old species. Long dead. Through a war.

>>8338

Right my main problem right now is with creativity and I'm hoping that would help. For a writing routine I go by the standard 5 stages, prewriting, writing, revising, editing and then publishing. I've done things like rereading some of my favorite books just to pick apart the way the author wrote it etc.

Ah and I have a strange compulsion to buy any writing guide book I can find.

The writing suggestions guide has returned, check the sticky. The front page may not be updating for a long time, so open the sticky thread itself to find it.

>>5000

OP, if you are still around I am working on a similar project, and was wondering if you (or anyone writing something similar) would be willing to trade writing samples for constructive critique.

>>8347

Same here, I have 7 that I purchased, I actually enjoy reading them, the fact that some help is just a by product now.

>>8347

I had that at one point. I'm refraining to purchasing more until I've read them all, though.

>>8338

What I'm writing right now is pure show even on expositions. I don't know if the path I'm treading on is correct and if I should balance show and tell. The alarming thing I found is that I start out with pronouns most of the time while writing. I changed some sentences when I edited my initial draft so it won't be redundant, but I'm not sure if I should leave it or not.

>fiction writing techniques

Any samples about that?

>general writing techniques

what's the difference on the above?

>>8463

Take a look at the board sticky. The FAQ has link to a writings suggestions guide.

The guide itself is of a very general nature, slanted to genera fiction and image-board writing ideas. It does contain suggestions about some specific straightforward technical books to look into. Most of these should be able to be acquired in the usual repositories around and about the 'net.

Anyone has a guide/recommend read to accents? For example, I want Titan to be pronounced as Tee-tan not Tai-tan like a clapistan would, or Levin as Le-vin not lea-ven.

Or do I just leave out the accent and let the readers pronounce whatever it is no matter how awkward the pronounciation is?

>>8537

>I want Titan to be pronounced as Tee-tan

Why? What's the significance of the change?

>Anyone has a guide/recommend read to accents?

Why not google for accent marks?

>>8540

>Why? What's the significance of the change?

the pronounciation or having a standard to pronounce it. Just google search Levin and you'll have a lot of interpretations.

>Why not google for accent marks?

They aren't helpful.

>>8537

Let the readers pronounce it as they wish. Alternatively, you can write in a character that corrects other people's pronunciation.

>>8550

I want to know why you wanted titan to be pronounced tee-tan. I checked to see if it was a British thing and it isn't.

>>8552

I thought titan on a whim for example purposes. I'm not really using it btw.

>>8551

>Let the readers pronounce it as they wish.

I'll just do that when I can't find any helpful guides.

>you can write in a character that corrects other people's pronunciation.

I thought of that but that word is already a part of the world like us knowing that the sun is the center of the solar system and not the earth.

Oh well, I think I'll just be creative on that department then.

>>5006

Gore Vidal is nothing but a gay D.H.Lawrence

>>8107

Only if it's important to the story.

You can't have a black character getting sunburned, or a white character infiltrating a Congolese terrorist group.

>>8112

>Her mother is white while his father is light-brown

>Her mother is white

>his father is light-brown

>Her

>his

Might want to proofread your story a few dozen times…

I'm working on something, but have no idea how to classify it. It takes place in a fictional world with sentient animals and no humans, but the setting is grimdark/apocalyptic. It's not the usual fantasy story of a heroic protagonist that saves the world, but rather a story of a weak, scared protagonist surviving in a gritty fantasy world. What genre would something like this fall into?

I just sent a short story to a magazine specialising in fiction, wish me luck mates.

>>8744

The dubs have spoken. It will be accepted.

>>8747

Will know in 6-8 weeks

>>8749

Nah, bro. Dubs don't lie.

>>8742

Rock and Rule meets Heavy Metal?

Probably classify as plain fantasy. Unless you are writing under contract there is no need to classify it at all, at least until you have finished it.

Finished something that was supposed to be a short story and ended up as a novella. I never wrote so fast or with such ease before, and am surprisingly satisfied with the result.

Just started a longer story that should be about people who travel between alternate Earths to prevent tragedies from happening. I already have a main conflict in mind and secondary plots, but can't figure out a way to write a climax. There is also a character who was taken against his will into this group, and I have to find a balance between him freaking out about everything and him accepting his fate and rolling with it.

I also have a few ideas for novels to be written in the medium-term future, and just finished a really short story that came up during my commute from work.

>>8772

Yeah, I guess fantasy works. No need to be more specific than that.

In any case, I abandoned the original idea because I felt like it just wasn't working out. I think the problem was that the setting, while fictional, felt too real and rational. I'll need to make the world much more surreal/dreamlike for it to not feel awkward.

>>8612

>Only if it's important to the story.

Yeah, I adopted that style along with this >>8115.

>Might want to proofread your story a few dozen times…

I scrapped the idea at the moment since I have more direction with another one. Don't worry, I'll have a bunch of beta-editor readers by the time I finish the draft. I wanted to post my work for a beta-read in here, but I'm more paranoid at this site.

Gotta rewrite one of my scenes, where the protagonist is beating up a crime boss to acquire information.

One, the guy breaks too easily. I'll make the scene more brutal.

Two, the boss is killed at the end. It'a completely in character for my protagonist to kill someone, usually, just not at this tIle in the story. Reason being, the protagonist is trying to counteract his homicidal nature by not purposely killing anybody, including assholes that totally deserve it. This changes later, and it should be a big moment.

A Bully-esque (the game) story about a foster home reject girl sent to a boarding school. I will try to finish by the end of the year and then publish it.

Sorry for the awful syntax, I'm on mobile.

>>8347

As cliché as this may sound, Stephen King's On Writing is fantastic.

>>8947

You just need to polish up your actual writing ability. What you are writing about does not matter too much if you don't have a target demographic, as long as you can suspend disbelief.

Here are some more random tips and things that help me.

Understand characterization and character development , and who should be doing what. If you have characters who have troubles/conflict then the story practically writes itself.

Watch some films and analyse the writing/plot direction. These are good training besides actual writing because they are easily digestible and short. The Babadook is a WONDERFUL place to start because it has tons of symbolism. You could write essays on that movie.

Oddly enough, pacific rim is great for breaking down plot in. It's a story in a great setting with a big plot device (the drift) where all the right things are done by the wrong characters. I would also suggest looking up Max Landis's YouTube channel because he can break down movies well.

You want exposition, then foreshadowing, complication, rising action, climax, then falling action.

Stories are just not engaging without conflict.

For writing practice, write the scene you want, then rewrite it from scratch. THEN rewrite it from another character's point of view and compare the three. That is good practice.

>>8948

I've got conflict all sorted out already, I know who the villain is and his motivation, I know what sort of characters the protagonist and his companion are and the direction they will take.

I didn't really want to go all out and give the synopsis but what the hell. It's about a very traditional wizard, with the pointed hat, the wooden staff, the tower, all that sort of thing, who emerges after years of study in seclusion to discover that the world has changed around him in ways he isn't fond of. The wizard youth are picking up stupid trends, educational standards are slipping, that sort of thing. The villain leads an underground organisation with the goal of destroying Wizardry as a profession. It's essentially both a thinly veiled message about the merits of tradition and a love letter to traditional wizarding.

The main character is bitter and cynical, but also very wise and warm-hearted deep down. The other character of chief importance is his young apprentice, who is very loyal and pleasant, but is resented by the MC for his foolishness and his endless adoption of the latest "young wizard" trends.

By the end of the story, the protagonist will have learned that sometimes his cynicism is unwarranted and not everything is out to get him, and his apprentice will have learned respect for the Wizard traditions and the wisdom of his master.

Just typing all this out here I've realised that I have a much more solid base than I felt I did. Feel free to give me your opinion.

>>8949

It's a solid premise

>>8949

I don't have anything other to say than "I like it."

You definitely have a solid base, as you said.

Working on a 40k book/novel. I described it in detail over here: >>8874

It's been dragging along badly. Have had the idea for around a year, got some nice elements I want to add, but I am still sitting at around 5 pages only.

The thing is that I sometimes get into a flow of writing, where I can keep going for a little while and every single word is perfectly placed like a diamond in a golden ring, but that only happens when I am A:drunk and B: lucky.

Shit sucks.

>>5007

You don't need to be creative. Putting the story of Othello into a different setting can do wonders.

I'm working on writing the dialogue for a game that will hopefully end up being finished someday.

Currently attempting to write out proper verbal explanation for a character who's trying to explain to someone why he's not crazy in a context that I'm not sure I can explain without sperging out by paraphrasing something that someone else said to him.

Would it be alright if I asked for someones opinion on what I've got so far?

>>9017

>Would it be alright if I asked for someones opinion on what I've got so far?

Sure thing.

>>9017

I'll also pitch in.

>>9027

>>9030

Thank you, the help is much appreciated

I'm going to try to give a relatively simplified explanation of the context, and then post the dialogue below that. I apologize for the context being bulkier than I originally intended.

The character speaking is trying (very poorly) to justify having a conversation with a "lucid" recording of his dead wife, created by a device he can't control. The speaker is doing this by attempting to describe a comparable situation in hope that the person being spoken to will understand the speaker's motivation.

The person being spoken to has been aggressively trying to stop the speaker from having a conversation with the device. The person being spoken to believes device to be a recording of the speaker's wife, only used to pretend she isn't dead.

Btw, if this is successful it's gonna be one hell of a downer, so just be aware of that.

>>9062

“You have a dream. The person who you loved most in this world; someone who died a long time ago, is right beside you, as if nothing ever happened. You can see them and hear them, just as clearly as you could before they passed. As you reach out your arms to embrace them, they are there, and despite the wearying passage of time, you still remember their scent. They are as close to you as they have ever been. For the first time you remember in a long, long, time, you feel warmth. A wholeness that you haven’t felt in a long time.

They speak to you as if they just saw you yesterday. They say to you that even though it hasn’t been very long since they last saw you, they’re still happy to see you, and for however short the time you’ve spent apart was, they still missed you, and you talk, as if nothing ever happened.

The memory of what happened drifts back into your mind. The warmth you felt begins to fade, and your heart begins to sink. The hole in your being, filled by the illusion you set out for yourself, gapes wider than ever, aching for the lie that you let yourself believe.

You struggle to keep yourself from telling them that it isn’t real, trying to desperately to cling to the warmth that still remains. But as the heat flickers out, you relent, and you tell them everything you wanted to forget.

You can see concern in their eyes, and hear it in their voice, as they tell you they aren’t afraid. They pull you in tighter. They say that no matter what happens, they know you’ll be there to keep them safe, and that they’ll always be there to do the same for you.

You push yourself away from their embrace, trying to distance yourself from the pain. As you stand there, trying to block out the bitter memories of the past, you hear them speak. They say they’re worried about you, and for the first time in years, you hear them say they love you. They slip back into your arms, holding you as tight as they can. They say they’d forgive you.

As you surrender yourself to their presence, you hear them they say softly, that they'd still be there waiting for you whenever you chose to join them.”

>>9063

Shit, I didn't mean to wall of text that.

How do I edit?

>>9066

you can't edit posts here but you can delete it and re-post it.

>>9063

If I'm going to be his listener, I would think he just didn't cope with the loss unless the person in question is crazy from the outset. The last sentence, though is probably a giveaway that he's crazy or what you're writing is a horror one.

Anyways, what's with the use of the second person narrative? Is the listener the one affected or the speaker? I thought it was the other way around. Or is it the character's voice?

Additionally, what the heck is the device? A crystal ball? A tape recorder? That would be relevant to know if he is really a nutbag or just didn't cope with the loss. The listener, I'm assuming his therapist, would need to listen to these recordings if it is available.

I think I need the dialogue before your wall-of-text to see the picture more and to determine the listener's attitude towards him.

>>9068

I'm not exactly sure I'm super comfortable posting some of that information, or how I'm going to sum it up.

It's getting relatively late for me, so I'm gonna wait on this and post tomorrow or the day after.

>>9073

Don't post it if you're not comfortable. I also have the same feeling on the internet.

As I've said before, the last lines when the speaker stated that the ghosts or whatever will pull them makes the speaker crazy if that's the opinion you want to hear. I don't know if that's your purpose or make it seem the speaker is not crazy to the listener.

Oh, and that dialogue is too long IMO.

I need some advice guys.

I've written a short story (less than 10.000 words) that ends with the death of the narrator.

With that in mind, is it a good idea to rewrite the whole thing in the present tense?

>>9082

as long as you stay consistent with present tense in narration unless you have flashbacks.

Some experienced authors might chime in since I'm just new.

grammar check. Is this alright?

He never blinked at the scratches for: I’ll get a knife at last, was all in his mind.

or

He never blinked at the scratches for, I’ll get a knife at last, was all in his mind.

or

He never blinked at the scratches.I’ll get a knife at last, was all in his mind.

other inputs?

>>9106

btw, the third one was the original. I just want to know if I could use some deviation.

>>9106

That's all wrong.

It's so wrong in fact, that I can't even begin describing why. You'll just have to trust me- the syntax is fucked.

>>9109

how bout this?

He was touching the surface absentmindedly with only one thought: I’ll finally get a knife.

probably absentmindedly is redundant on that.

I don't like to disclose the sentences before that, though.

>>9110

It's definitely better.

>>9110

He stared at the knife covered in scratches and whispered, "at last."

>>9130

it's not the knife he's staring at. I just wanted a grammar check earlier for that failed experimentation.

Does anyone here speak Latin? I want to write

>Philosophical meditations on the large man

I typed it into google translate and it came up with

>In philosophicis meditationibus magna quis

but I'm guessing the grammar / conjugation is all wrong.

>>9156

My sister says it would be

>philosophici meditationes magni viri

although she's not entirely sure.

>>9161

Thanks. your a magni viri

IV vos

I'm considering writing a scene from a war into my sci-fi book. Something to characterize my protagonist. I have his entire, considerable past of battles to choose from, which leaves me with a lot of options and unclarity as to which one to actually choose.

The deeper meaning of the scene is already settled. What I want to know is which enemy would be the most exciting to read about, from a purely plebeian perspective pretentiousness or not, I want my book to be fun, too. Giant, tank-sized insects? Burrowing snakes with acid-sprayers? Human insurgents? Lobotomized, genocidal cyborgs? All have their backgrounds. All have been mentioned in the story. I just want to know which one sounds most exciting. Can provide more info, if you ask.

Thanks on advance, guys!

>>9162

You're welcome. Good luck with your book!

>>9162

>IV vos

top kek

I'm writing a story that is told from the perspective of two different characters who have two different stories that only come together at the end. The problem I have is deciding how to split up the two stories in a way that is interesting for the reader. Do I use the first half of the book for one then switch to the other or do I do alternate chapters for each? I remember reading 'A study in scarlet' and that was half one story and half another. first half is Sherlock Holmes and the second half is about the Mormons in Utah and what motivated the cabbie to revenge. It was jarring to have a sudden change of place and characters for no reason half way through the story and I think Doyle released this because he never wrote like that again, I think. For that reason I'm leaning more towards the alternative chapters style but just wondering if there is another way I might do it.

>>8774

why don't you have the characters deciding that it would be best not to travel between worlds because maybe it causes more problems than it solves or whatever. However, this turns out to be a kind of 'tragedy' for the other worlds that no longer have people to save them. so copies of themselves from another world try and stop them.

>>9181

I think the second part of A Study in Scarlet would have started okay if Watson pointed out he's sumarizing the story or otherwise pointed out it's related to Sherlock. Alternating the chapters would have told us what some of the clues mean too early.