/lit/ - Literature

Ouff.

This is what comes from encouraging you gits to read Pynchon.

Can I have my sides back now?

>>6679

it definitely trascends the good/bad dichotomy.

I don't like turds but I liked your story OP.

With a proper approach to obscenity, genius shows.

Bravo.

"…"

The self recedes and shrinks before you

Till it speaks in starts and spasms.

It disappears

Along with you

Down

Into the chasm.

Now I snuff the stars. Indifferent eyes.

And darkness flowers in the skies.

Its petals float

Down

Into the abyss

Adding zeroes to zeroes

And nothing to nothingness.

>>6860

Them's good, very good.

Shame I can't give you a proper critique for it. Poetical analysis be beyond my pay grade.

It invokes for me a meta-message, like you are describing the fall into the absolute focus of the creative process; getting it down on a computer while in that zone.

Take it for what you will. I likes it though, whatever the intention.

>>6877

Addendum: Bukowski takes his computer for a spin.

Heh. Don't take that as a negative. This popped into my head just now from out of left field. I'll be thinking about your poem for rest of the day, I see.

It's good. Keep at it.

How is it, that I am but less dead?

Could I shed my past, learn to live?

Perhaps I need, more want to be fed

Or the wish of love, mine to give.

Though how can I need, when I want?

And what is want, when I hold much?

The possessors prize, can just taunt

But I can not need, with Midas touch.

For if I have loved, have I lost?

Then when I have lived, have I won?

And then love, is but my heart's frost

While my life, is God's brief son.

So what is a life, with out love?

My Earth, with out Heaven above.

>>6879

> is but my heart's frost

care to explain this expression?

>>6936

basically the narrator is saying that love is cold and bitter for him if it is true that when you love you lose.

>>6938

i thought as much.

personally it feels that the contradiction is a little too stark with the way love is described in the rest of the poem.

but maybe it's because one of the last thing i've read is gibran's "the prophet", and while that book would greatly piss me off at times with its vision of the world, i thought that it was pretty good throughout in giving the idea that most, if not all good things in life have a component of pain…

>>6941

Thanks for replying anon, I get what you mean and I'll try and make it clearer

I'll have to read that book as well, would you recommend it?

>>6879

Awkward lines clearly aiming at iambic pentameter. Content is solely cliche.

>>6946

first attempt at a poem so don't be too harsh on me, anon-kun

>>6943

honestly, yes.

it's a small book, but it's the kind of book that , at least i, cannot read "fast".

like i said, sometimes it rubbed me the wrong way, especially with its sort of pantheism and with a concept or two that i found either childishly optimistic or outright enraging.

but i mostly enjoyed it…

The last half starting with "my name is alex trebek" was good; the first half is total whack. Honestly I think the last half could stand on its own.