No.35696
This is my first work in /loli/. I hope you enjoy it, ロリコン.
No.35704
>Chapter 1
>Prostitution, threesome, DP
Well that's a good start. Please continue.
No.35705
No.35817
>>35696
The art is pretty solid for a first work. Granted it's not up there with Comic market stuff, but it's pretty good for a start.
Nice first release anon.
No.36010
No.36012
>>35696
surely you take commissions
No.36071
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Needs more Catalina.
She needs to be caught sexually abusing Hugo, her assburger boyfriend. Then the other lolis blackmail her and force her to pass Hugo around because they all want to experience some fendom (to varying degrees of sadism, from dressing him as a girl to actual violence)
And at the end they all get together, sort of regret having abused a poor defenceless retard, and cheer him up by throwing a sexy party he would actually like, where everybody walks the dinosaur.
No.36072
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Nothing is glorious but OP.
Although you really should work in your composition. Some of the panels are poorly positioned and that makes the order hard to follow. In a comic, panels should never be competing for space. Flow is the most important thing.
I get that you probably did it for giggles, and that's cool and all but you could actually improve and become a pro. You have what it takes.
And you actually finished the whole thing! Most people give up midway. Congratulations.
I noticed some of the scenes are inspired (I don't think they were traced) from already existing manga. I won't give you shit for that (a lot of pros began tracing a lot) but I hope you realize it's important that you depend on that less and less each day.
Hope to see a sequel. Maybe we should explain some of the characters so people around here know what they're all about?
I also wonder, as many others, about EC. Specifically, AQO. Perhaps that pressing question should be explored in future issues by the characters themselves.
No.36076
Nice, OP your work is great!
Keep at it, i may commission something later if you do take commissions.
No.36077
>>35696
Very solid work. Simple at times, but you've got basic techniques down (Line shape, body proportions, and panel layout). I'd say the interior style could be greatly improved with a touch more shading like on the cover to give the images a sense of depth, maybe with a colored pencil?
You'd likely get a much larger audience if you made the comic in english. If you feel your english isn't good enough, there's no shame in asking for an editor or a translator to help clean up the script.
A neat mix of Slice of Life and /loli/ mix, Please continue, please translate or get a translator!
The lettering often feels very cramped, you should try to put at least half a letter-height border around the words. Erring on the side of "more space" also makes it easier to fit translations in.
I highly recommend using http://www.myscriptfont.com/ to make a personalized font, it would save you time on lettering, as well as help avoid typoes.
It seems like several of the pages are cut off at the top, please rescan them?
It's kind of strange to see japanese uniforms and swimsuits alongside things like pesos, you really should pick one setting and stick with it.
No.36137
Where is my feat. LP?
Qué lata por todo lo que te han hecho, ahí se nota que no saben valorar ninguna hueá y sólo privilegian la vida de un hueón despechado.
No.36141
>>36137
I say let's not export our bullshit drama. I don't think this is the place for accusations.
In fact I think all the accusations are silly. Enfermo is not a monster, he just drew a silly comic.
Or he could be a monster, what do I know. If he is, that's unrelated to the comic. I personally did enjoy the comic and I want to see more of it, and I think he has talent and can grow as an artist.
Must bullshit drama jump from one imageboard to another? I don't think so. But porn should totally do so.
No.36319
>>35817
>Granted it's not up there with Comic market stuff
Most works that have been into Comiket usually aren't drawn well (or sold well). The ones that people get to see scanned online are very few and there are thousands of comics never scanned.
No.36846
No.36988
No.37019
Can we get an English version? Dual audio = much larger audience.
No.37049
>>37019
I don't have the mad Photoshop skills required to alter the pictures themselves, but I could post text translations.
Please realize some things will be missed in translation and also you won't have the benefit of context for some jokes. This comic contains epic memes forged in another imageboard. An imageboard with its own culture and an unique kind of retardation.
No.37334
Puta, te lo diré mil veces, tu trabajo es excelente. ¿Es posible contactarse contigo? No sé si volverás a /fan/.
No.37363
No.37366
>>37049
>>An imageboard with its own culture and an unique kind of retardation
Imageboard meme culture is perceived globally a lot better than you seem to realize. We'll understand the jokes, don't worry about that.
No.37368
>that's what we need to get back to
although it would take some time, i dont think this is a tremendously difficult task.
there was clearly less institutional surveillance back in the day, old school peeps also didnt have access to encryption technology. today, all it takes is some motivated individuals and decentralized action (meaning, minor/local educational campaigns from people who are not sketchy and do not horde sketchy material)
Look into this guy from 1970s Britain, theres a short documentary about him on youtube (A Decent Life: the Dissenting Narrative of Tom OCarroll) - this person got pretty far in the legal realm with our shared perspective, and he cites a lot of academic studies in his 1hour video (probably best to watch off a public wifi)
High school teachers could present certain viewpoints or historical occurrences in class (getting into the development of the age of consent and how it relates to the protection of private property and the commodification of the human body alongside the segregation of generations, also studying trauma/consent, researching sexual repression, etc).
Non-sketchy college profs with tenure could say a lot about how not every relationship is the same and adults dont mature at the same rate. ( the human brain reaches full maturity at age 25. so should people less than 25 not have sex because their brains are literally underdeveloped? )
Medical professionals/social workers can teach the humanitarian aspect; that if some 'sexual deviants' do suffer from mental illness they deserve rehabilitation and therapy not political persecution and institutional state repression which coincides with the legal destruction of privacy through the installation of backdoors and registration by force.
Susan Clancy, a female physician and Harvard graduate, has a lot of things to say in her book The Trauma Myth (which needs an HTML version uploaded to view safely off Tor. but for now you can find a PDF version through a quick search, just open through a new identity off public wifi).same with Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex, by Judith Levine. she is a feminist and you can find her book online for free in PDF form. it also needs an HTML version to view safely off Tor and you should not view it while looking at sketchy shit in your recent history or alongside a sketchy tab. use a new identity off public wifi:)
knowledge is power.
sexual repression is social control.
young people have a lot of sway.
so do older folks with credentials.
here are some quotes by academics & feminists:
https://www.ipce.info/library/miscellaneous/famous-quotes-boylove"…in cases of mutual consent and mutual sexual attraction, sexual activity itself seems to produce no damaging effects. It is to be hoped that this may put parents' minds at rest and help them to avoid being unnecessarily upset and anxious."
Dr. Preben Hertoft, eminent Copenhagen sexologist, 'Introduction', Crime Without Victims, Amsterdam: Global Academic Publishers, 1993.
No.37371
>>37368
What's this? Unrelated propaganda of some sort?
Are you now or have yo ever been a communist?
>>37366
Fine, I'll give it a shot. Hope the translation works.
No.37474
End of chapter 2.
Next chapter: "OniMonogatari part 1".
Btw, thanks for your comments and translations, /loli/.
No.37475
>>37474
>dat Kalule cameo
10/10 would kek'd again
No.37476
>>37373
Any opinion or suggestions?
No.37478
>>37476
>Mayo is a fucking sadballs
I lol'd. You can delete that, there's no need for extra drama. That's your choice, anyway.
Go on.
No.37481
>>37476
Thanks >>37373 for translation.
No.37482
>>37478
I would delete it but nah. This is the comic we deserve and we need.
No.37484
>>37481
Great.
>>37482
Lol, that's ok. I really thank you for your effort.
No.37485
>>37484
No, thank you Enfermo, good job. BTW, can you request you loli Oni with shibari?
No.37487
>>37485
In fact, Chapter 3 is about Oni, I'll keep that in mind.
No.37488
>>35696
>My first work in loli
Bastante bueno!
Te deseo suerte wey
No.37490
I'm still waiting the LP chapter.
You could improve some scenes. I think the drawing are not too explicit.
Keep it up, you can do it.
No.37491
>>37490
>LP chapter
"She" will make an interesting character.
No.37492
>>37490
I told you, nothing lewd untill she's 18. I could draw some cute about Lp, if you want it.
No.37493
No.37494
>>37491
Something like otokonoko stuff? Disgusting.
>>37492
>I could draw some cute about Lp
If you can. Showing panties could be great.
No.37496
>>37492
Include Kumachama.
No.37498
>>37494
Disgusting? Why?
I bet she has a cute dick.
No.37508
>>37471
>>37472
>>37473
>>37474
Thank you much, Enfermo! Keep your amazing work!
No.37531
Enfermo, soy el que te editó la portada de tu Doujinshi, hace mucho que no sé de tí, espero que te guste esto.
Saludos.
No.37536
>>37485
Here is your Shibari Oni.
No.37538
>>37490
And finally, LPs for you.
>>37531
I really love it, thank you. However, Paula shirt is green, but, nevermind, good job.
No.37548
>>37536
Thank you Enfermo, you're fucking grande.
No.37550
>>37538
Oh mai gah~
Real LP its real
No.37551
File: 1457395468712.png (948.91 KB, 719x1024, 719:1024, nido.org_1453490176606_n.png)
No.37552
>>37538
That's LP alright!
No.37558
>>37538
After a shitty day for me and see your LP's posted here. I'm feeling better.
BUT NO PANTIES I WANT PANTIES PANTIES SHIMAPAN ICHIGO PANTS TEDDY BEAR PANTIES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Thanks dude, have a good night.
No.37568
No.37571
>>37538
No hay problema Enfermo, pude solucionarlo jeje.
Como vas con el capitulo 3? yo recien colorearé el primero.
No.37572
>>37568
>I can Paint this?
May I paint this.
No.37582
No.37590
>>37538
Enfermo, tienes alguna pagina donde puedas centtrar y hablar de tu trabajo/verlo más? Ademas, haces comisiones?
No.37602
>>37590
>>37334
Kochi-ken on dA.
¿a qué se refieren con comisión?
No.37604
>>37571
Perfect.
Probably next month chapter 3 will be available.
No.37608
>>37602
Que nos gusta tu arte y trabajos que queremos comprar tus servicios c:
No.37609
>>37604
Dime ¿qué tal me está quedando?
No.37610
>>37609
Te está quedando chulisimo, aunque tienes que añadir un poco más de las "tramas" en los espacio en blanco c:
No.37611
>>37609
>mfw
Something happened on 5th vignette corner. However, I really like your job. I'm a little ashamed for my own poor skills ;_;
I love you.
>>37608
Never for money, just for fun.
No.37612
>>37473
La simia debería haber obligado al gordo a comerse su semen.
No.37616
>>37611
No es por ser "chupapico" pero es un honor poder ayudarte en lo que sea, eres una persona con mucha habilidad y eso lo aprecio mucho, tu solo sigue haciendo esto como debe ser y yo cuando pueda me encargaré de tratar de pintar lo mejor que pueda.
Aun sigo sin entender porqué me respondes en inglés, Btw las escenas de Sexo serán a full color. qué te parece?
> Corregí el error, photoshop al borrar elimina todo hasta la capa misma.
> Adelanto de la hoja 10.
No.37665
>>37616
I need a nickname to you, to adding you on credits. I'm very fond of your job.
>Btw las escenas de Sexo serán a full color. qué te parece?
Wonderful.
>Aun sigo sin entender porqué me respondes en inglés
Because is an English-speaking board.
No.37690
>>37665
>I need a nickname to you
For you. I need a nickname for you.
I was soft translating it panel by panel
>with green text
but I deleted those posts because someone with powerful, unparalleled, mad Photoshop skills begun delivering hard translations, which are always better.
However, some of my translations made it into the official translation!
Makes me a bit happy.
There are mistakes here and there in the current translation (it should be "my treat", not "I treat"), and I could translate the rest.
I was born in Chile and I curently live in Chile, but my English is better than my Spanish (neither my English nor my Spanish are perfect. French is the only language I understand perfectly) so you can trust me.
The other day I didn't finish the soft translation because I had to go to bed.
Here's a suggestion: what if we translate Choroya's name? Because Choroya would be the feminine form of Choroy, right?
I suggest Choroyette.
Similarly, Symia could be Apette. Maybe we could vote on that, but I think Enfermo should have the final saying.
No.37693
Enfermo, gracias por todo lo que has hecho, me encanta tu Arte, mucho, gracias por todo el OC que le diste a choroy, soy uno de los mods y puta que pelee por la injusticia que te hicieron, lo lamento.
No dejes de ser tan bacan, haste un pagina para poder tirarte plata.
No.37701
No.37730
>>37690
"Choroyette" made my day.
No.37740
File: 1457653998197.jpg (252.82 KB, 1024x723, 1024:723, symia-paula-catalina-choro….jpg)
>>37690
I'm not the creator of Choroya, so I think we should respect her original name, although Choroyette sounds very nice and cute as a nickname.
Also, thanks for trying to translate it anyway.
>Apette
I didn't understand.
>>37693
I'm very grateful for Choroy and all OC which has been my inspiration. All bullshit drama has gone to past. And I repeat, never for money, always for fun.
No.37759
>>37740
Apette, as in "ape" and then the suffix ette implying femininity…
You know, since she's an ape. Her name literally means "female ape"…
Lame joke, I get it. Also
>I'm not the creator of Choroya, so I think we should respect her original name
Yeah, makes sense. Good point, keeping the original names would be better.
>>37693
Nice.
No.37764
Here >>37617
You May call me "Desire" and I wanna work with you ( sorry for my basic english but i try)
Maybe in next days, sex scenes are in full color, i love paint this scenes.
No.37802
No.37809
Enfermo! I don't know what Paula is saying and the rest of what he speaks Catalina.
Please in Spanish.
No.37814
>>37764
Thank you again, Desire.
>>37802
Please, let's keep our shitty drama and cancer out of 8ch and BaI.
>>37809
>Paula: ¿Y qué cuentan?
>Catalina: Nada, sólo vamos al centro a comer algo y a dar la hora. (dar la hora = wasting time)
No.37815
>>37814
Thank you bro, i can keep going!
No.37818
>>37690
You're right. I'll fix when Desire make his version.
No.37821
>>37818
It's gonna be great.
Desire is doing a fantastic job. I think we're all contributing here to something great, but at the end of the day all credit goes to Enfermo.
No.37825
>>37814
Well Enfermo, here I reported to page 4, I'm exited be able to reach the sex scenes but this "paint" and edit takes too long.
I'll distract a little and continue, by the way … The second part where Symia appears, do not know how much I enjoyed it just did fantastic!
I hope you like it
No.37855
Page 5 and i go to sleep now…
No.37856
Nota: Enfermo, no quiero ser antipático.
Al contrario: la única razón por la que señalo estas cosas es que pienso que tienes talento.
Si creyera que no tienes talento no pensaría que puedes aprender de estos errores y corregirlos en el futuro.
Por un tiempo tuve la impresión de que puede haber sido mala percepción de mi parte, pero Desire cometió gráficamente el mismo error que yo cometí visualmente, lo cual me sirvió de confirmación.
El una historia contada con imágenes yuxtapuestas de manera secuencial (AKA, cómic), el flujo lo es todo.
No.37897
>>37825
>>37855
Take all time you need, Desire, you're doing it right.
>>37856
Don't worry, suggestions and critiques are always welcome. Thanks for your review.
No.38204
>>37897
how you fix this Enfermo? i need instructions bro.
No.38249
>>38204
As >>37856 said, just join the Picardi's vignette, that's the only mistake you made. You could move up the text globes, too. Anyway, it was all my fault, I apologize.
No.38334
>>38249
Oni and Choroya are so innocent.
I cant wait to see them mindbroked.