To: You know who you are
Titled: Why Do I Cry When I Think Of Holding You
I love you. You’re like the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel that is my life in depression. You are the sunrise every morning, basking me in your warm glow, and the comforter I sleep with close to every night, keeping me protected, heated, and safe. With every time you tell me you love me, my soul builds up a brilliance only rivaled by a star's supernova.
My love for you is like crack, honestly. Once I have a little, my body/heart/mind/soul craves more. Your existence is my life source. Your love is my blood. Your thoughts and expressions, my bones. There is no way I will be able to survive now with you gone. My being will cease to exist.
Why do I cry when I think of holding you? Is it the pale skin I think of underneath my fingertips? The lips I imagine pushing against mine in a slow motion, soft and gentle? What about the body I would feel, perfect for holding, nudged up against mine? All of these factors come together to bring me the final picture of you, pure and true.
You, <3, everything I’ve ever wanted or needed. Your passion for me is returned tenfold. If only I could show you physically. Why do I cry when I think of holding you? Maybe because I know that once you’re in my arms everything is okay, I no longer need to worry.
That peace I’ll feel, the tranquility that will wash over me while we lay together. That is why I think I cry. Tears that were made from love and joy. I’m really losing it now, totally exhausted. Yet, I keep writing because one day I won’t be around when you need me and I want you to look at this instead of feeling bad, alright?
Look at this and remember.
Remember how much I love you.
I’ll come back to this. I’ll write in it again.
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