Are you lonely?

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File: 1439754286955.png (31.82 KB, 633x758, 633:758, 1432231841847.png)

Are you lonely? Anonymous 08/16/15 (Sun) 19:44:46 No.11260

I have a cocktail of mental illnesses, which is isolating as hell. That plus never learning how to be a normal, functioning person has made me incredibly lonely over the years.

My teenage years were spent on Totse/chans and I dropped out of school due to MDD, so I never managed to make any friends. My whole life is wrapped up in taking care of a family member 24/7, so I don't have time for friends now.

Here is the only place where I get a chance to talk to people. I don't fit in anywhere else, yet even here it gets lonely due to a lack of one-on-one conversations. I'd love to have that with people, but I can't relate to most. I spent too many years online being a piece of shit, talking about rape and gore and the usual chan bullshit. It's hard to find people with that mentality. The few attempts I've made to make friends online has resulted in pissing people off or pushing them away.

I don't know. I'm lonely and think about killing myself all the time, simply because of that. If it wasn't for that, I could probably deal with all my disorders, but the loneliness is just crushing.

Is anyone else incredibly lonely or is it just me?

Anonymous 08/17/15 (Mon) 11:25:57 No.11271

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Anonymous 08/17/15 (Mon) 13:20:48 No.11273

also you can join /mental/ on skype, or you can chat only with me

but write something about you first pls

Anonymous 08/19/15 (Wed) 07:30:47 No.11298

OP, yeah.

Mind if I vent?

When I started to kinda accept that I'd hardly find someone to be with, when I was deep in depression, I got a gf.

It felt a bit abusive, sometimes - it as a LDR and she would fight if I took 2 to 5 minutes to answer her, she got my password and was always checking my history and my Facebook account and my cloud storage, etc.

It only got worse when she found out how much more fucked up I was, when she found out I browsed chans, when she repeatedly asked me to stop watching porn and I repeatedly promised to change and stop, but didnt, when she found out I actually fapped to traps and browsed /pol/, she broke up with me. And I dont blame her, I brought it on myself, its my fault.

Now I feel alone again, and that scares me. It scares me because I hate my own company - I find myself disgusting for the way I behaved when I was with her, how I kept lying, how I had to end up losing her forever before deciding to actually do something.

I will always blame myself for screwing up, repeatedly.

Anonymous 08/20/15 (Thu) 11:17:26 No.11312

In a way, yes I am. But luckily I'm very asocial and can go months without speaking to people besides my mother. I have a few friends from school who know how I am so they don't pester me to talk on the phone or online anymore, they'll just send me a message occasionally when they're going out so I can come if I want to. Which I love, I love how I can still have these friends from school to hang out with when I get lonely, but I also don't have to deal with the whole 'maintaining relationships' thing.

Because that's what it boils down to. I cannot and do not understand how to maintain relationships. I had an experience where I found out I was apparently annoying and not fun to be around so I got ditched by all my friends, and ever since then I have been stunted socially. I never message someone first (other than my bf), I get anxiety if someone keeps messaging me because I don't want to create a relationship with this person as they will inevitably be disappointed when I cannot reciprocate. I assume that I'm not a good person to be with so I withdraw from any friendship before it really even takes off, and ignore their attempts to reignite it.

So yeah, I get lonely sometimes which can be fixed by talking to my bf or occasionally going out with my friends I knew back in school. But I do get envious of people I see when I'm out (I go out alone a lot to see bands play and stuff) and wish I could be like them but I guess it was not to be.

Anonymous 08/20/15 (Thu) 13:42:55 No.11313

It sounds silly when I say it outright, but I honestly believe deep down that I don't deserve happiness or love or friendships. It's lonely and really sucks, but it's also something I think I'm either going to off myself over or someday accept.

I find going out in public worsens the experience. When google searches for shit like "overcoming social anxiety" yield dozens of instances of "just go someplace and try talking to someone", you'd think someone might approach YOU once in a while, but that just won't happen if you naturally come off as even slightly standoff-ish or distrusting. I think I need some sort of Trainspotting-esque gang of socially broken people.

Anonymous 08/20/15 (Thu) 14:07:04 No.11315

>>11313

>Trainspotting-esque gang of socially broken people.

Always fantasize about this. Need to get it on it before I'm too old. Talk to me if you see me. I should be easy to spot. My demeanor gives everything away.

Anonymous 08/21/15 (Fri) 06:13:35 No.11321

of course i am. to not be lonely, you have to be of value to people. i'm just not worth enough, but i am, and i'm not. i could just resign and accept, but i could just kill myself as well. i don't really want to do either, so that's why i complain.

Anonymous 08/22/15 (Sat) 08:04:57 No.11338

>>11312

>can't form relationships

>has a boyfriend

Wtf

Anonymous 08/22/15 (Sat) 10:56:44 No.11344

>>11313

>>11315

You know, we could do that. The three of us. I'm entirely willing, if we keep moving.

Anonymous 08/22/15 (Sat) 14:03:28 No.11345

>>11338

Yeah I'm as surprised as you are. I'm 24 and this is my first relationship ever. I met him online and I liked him way too much to push away, I just never had that urge with him. He's pretty much the only person I speak to on a regular basis.

Anonymous 08/25/15 (Tue) 01:43:08 No.11372

>>11345

That's nice, I hope it lasts.

Anonymous 09/08/15 (Tue) 06:25:57 No.11541

>>11313

>>11344

19/M/NYC here

I'd give free improvised DBT a try, why not

Anonymous 09/09/15 (Wed) 02:13:17 No.11551

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