Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 18:44:01 No. 2
General depression thread.
Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 20:07:22 No. 5
I lost my best friend, someone I was falling in love with broke off contact with me and my self image is going directly into the shitter.
Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 20:28:25 No. 9
I really like this girl, and she likes me too, but she's married.
Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 20:31:56 No. 11
>>9 She showing any signs of wanting to split from him? I mean, if she likes you then there's that chance, right?
Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 20:45:07 No. 13
There's a lot of things bothering me. First, lady friend that I have a major crush on had a huge fight with me, then my mom had an "accident"(suicide attempt) and ended up in a hospital and then my lady friend called and said her parents don't allow her to talk to me anymore and our friendship is over. All of that happened on the same day.
Anonymous 10/07/14 (Tue) 20:49:07 No. 14
My paranoia is getting worse and I'm tired of thinking someone's going to leap out of dark areas and murder me. It's fucking exhausting.
waaan 10/08/14 (Wed) 01:17:29 No. 66
>no gf >everytime i try to start a conversation with a girl i then know why >everyone is boring >texting girl >trying 2 get her 2 meet up with me >throws excuses my way like its nothing >still try >keep getting excuses than a straight forward answer like yes i would like 2 see you or no leave me alone please >people said shes been fucked numerous times by an asain kid >doesn't matter she is qt >today >she texts me >oh nice >i reply >she replies >i reply >she doesn't
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 01:21:13 No. 67
>>66 Meh, fuck that whore. You'll find someone else.
waaan 10/08/14 (Wed) 01:26:40 No. 68
>>67 i've been trying 2 forget about her, but idk. this past couple of months the only thing on my mind has been her. but i guess you're right. i could find someone else who is better. just frustrating.
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 01:27:02 No. 69
>>2 I'm diagnosed with MDD. One of the things that triggers my depression is seeing other /b/tards apparently get laid, since I'm very quick to jealousy. Thus the chans often make me worse.
8chan has less of that though.
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 03:12:45 No. 89
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drv3BP0Fdi8 daily reminder that if you're depress is because you aren't made for your current life and gotta change something.
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 03:13:40 No. 91
>>89 Or there's a natural chemical imbalance in your brain, mate. It can be hereditary *cough* me *cough*
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 03:15:59 No. 93
Everything. I barely stopped myself from violently disembowling myself today(tbh I'm probably to pussilanimous to do it anyway), I'm a bifag so there's that, and I have depression despite having a fairly good life which just makes me sadder. Fuck.
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 03:24:38 No. 96
>be me >be a girl >have schizotypal personality disorder >best friend has bipolar disorder >start going through a mental breakdown >look to best friend for guidance >best friend lends an ear >best friend eventually gets tired of hearing it and ignores me a lot >end up meeting best friend's friend >we'll call him Jake since I don't want to use his real name >don't usually like guys but Jake is really androgynous >find the courage to start talking to Jake >finally start talking to him >we have SO MUCH IN COMMON >we both note this >best friend starts getting distant as fuck from me >keep hanging out with Jake >shit's going really well >start getting the courage to get more and more flirtacious with him >he flirts back >do this for a few months >suddenly he starts getting distant >talking to Jake and say "I gotta go to work, you gonna be around later?" >he says "Yeah." >head off to work thinking about him >get off work >he's not around >erm… >talking to best friend on Skype >best friend says "Why the fuck did you befriend him and crawl up his ass behind my back? You couldn't have found anyone else? It had to be my friend?" >"I'm sorry, we just hit it off so well…" >"I'm sick of you being fucking 14 years old mentally. I'm sick of you always whining about what's wrong with you. I want the old you back before all this shit." >"I don't know how to get the old me back, I'm in a shitty place right now." >he lays into me heavily >ends it with "You fucking say that he was flirting with you. Yeah right. Like anyone would ever give you the time of day." >I say "Okay, fine. Fuck you then." >delete him off Skype, Facebook, lose his phone number, etc. >message Jake >"Look, I was told you haven't been enjoying talking to me and I'd like to apologize for bothering you. I hope you have a nice life." >no reply >best friend messages me on my Facebook account >"What the fuck? Are you really so dramatic that you thought I was friendship-breaking up with you?" >"You told me off in great detail and made me feel like shit, what the fuck else was I supposed to think?" >"Oh you think I told you off? I can show you telling you off." >I block him
waaan 10/08/14 (Wed) 03:28:08 No. 97
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 17:35:58 No. 125
Anonymous 10/08/14 (Wed) 21:46:25 No. 146
>have a sleep disorder >literally in a different world from most people and cannot maintain any sort of personal relationships >isolated always >have slept through lots of important things >tired a lot >shame from family besides parents, school, jobs >now dependent on parents for place to live because my 24/7 friendly job pays shit >haven't had a girlfriend in years
Anonymous 10/09/14 (Thu) 09:17:42 No. 151
>sleeping every other day, during the day or not at all >trying to get night job >make those monies >dropped out from school bc suicidal >suicidal bc obsessive thoughts to kill people, won't stop >less now, less stress, less drinking >need therapy and get head together before spend more monies on school >over 30k debt >broke, can't pay for therapy >clean from cutting, 3 months >feel especially shit tonight for no raisin >want to cut >made bruises instead >still want to cut >having trouble seeing why not
Anonymous 10/09/14 (Thu) 12:45:27 No. 153
>>91 Same here, although my grandfather dying right atound finals last year didn't help matters any.
Anonymous 10/09/14 (Thu) 14:53:06 No. 155
>walking with ex gf last night (i'm a girl too) >talking about something grammatical >don't realize she's getting angry >keep arguing not realizing this >she shoves me from behind >i'm drunk so DOWN I GO >stumble and fall over onto the sidewalk >knee is immediately bleeding >start crying >look up >she's already like 40 feet away from me down the sidewalk walking away >finally gather myself >run up to her >she goes "You had to fucking keep pushing when you knew I was right you fucking high school dropout fucking idiot." >I just say she was right, I deserved it >go home >her anger eventually wears off >go to the bathroom with a razor >hold it to my arm to self harm >actually say "I think I've bled enough today" and put it back >go drink more alcohol >pass out >wake up >post this
Anonymous 10/09/14 (Thu) 23:43:34 No. 171
>Been mentally violated by girls. >Most of the female contact i encounter are negative. Depends if they are at the job you know. >Because of that I've seriously considered to abandon all hope and stay permanently kissless-virgin single. >I felt like my mind was literally concluded. >There's this girl. >Every time we make eye contact we smile at each other. >Every. Fucking. Time. >…We both smoke. She ask me for a cig, Gladly gave her one. >We discussed. Which is something i haven't done with a girl in years. >Yesterday, i decided to try something. >I told her that i liked her everyday smiles. And gave her a cig. >She told me i am a Nice Guy. >She had to get off the train >"Bye!" >Wondering how she still has the will to talk and smile at me.
Anonymous 10/11/14 (Sat) 04:10:53 No. 218
>pedophile >sexually molested my step sister when I was 15 >she was 10 >it was nearly 10 years ago >want to seek help but afraid >spend life hating self and afraid of getting to know anyone >miserable
Anonymous 10/11/14 (Sat) 09:58:42 No. 222
>>218 Look up the statute of limitations where you live and after that's up, find a therapist. Even though you were a minor, that shit's still serious.
Anonymous 10/11/14 (Sat) 14:51:23 No. 226
>>222 My biggest concern is them telling anyone or making me sign up to the registry. I don't want to have to tell people I'm a pedophile, I want to get help and stop being one, or at least stop being effected by it.
Also how would statute be if I moved to another state a few years back?
Anonymous 10/11/14 (Sat) 20:37:48 No. 233
>>226 Uhh…look up both statutes of limitations and go by the longest one? I'm not sure. If you talk to a therapist or lawyer and ask, hypothetically, they should be able to explain how the legal system works for situations like that. You wouldn't be admitting anything and it happened as a minor so it's less likely they would freak out and would just want you to be comfortable talking about it without a fear of backlash.
Anonymous 10/11/14 (Sat) 21:30:05 No. 235
I caught the flu from babysitting my walking petri dish of a nephew. Physical illness always triggers a depressive episode, for whatever reason, so now I get another three months of not being able to get out of bed. Which is just fucking fantastic.
Anonymous 10/13/14 (Mon) 22:59:50 No. 271
Just remembered this.>be me >be 16 at the time >be with my mom talking to a woman about enrolling me in a school >woman is talking to my mom >going through huge bouts with depression >as the woman's talking, she glances at me and gets a concerned face >"Are you depressed?" >taken aback because no one's ever actually asked me before because no one ever actually gave a shit >trying to find my voice to answer her >mom chimes in with "No, he's just quiet. Anyway…" >mfw
Anonymous 10/17/14 (Fri) 16:52:19 No. 442
Have acne, no confidence at all, started loosing my hair recently, big ears. YEAH!
Anonymous 10/17/14 (Fri) 18:21:47 No. 447
>>442 My acne has finally started to subside, but it always blows up big time when in manic depression. While ADHD and bipolar have and always will put me down, acne has been the biggest burden of all. I feel you. I'm attrqctive otherwise though, so I do fine when not in depression after my acne has become miniscule. But I know once my acne disappears forever my depressions will be easier.
Anonymous 10/18/14 (Sat) 02:31:01 No. 456
I quit my therapy group this week because I couldn't deal with the people and the routine anymore. It wasn't going anywhere and I couldn't fool myself into believing it was anymore.
Anonymous 10/18/14 (Sat) 16:49:11 No. 468
>>2 > My job sucks > Can't quit because I need the money > They're not making with the training they promised > So tired > No time for gaming > My knees and feet are slowly breaking down > Loneliness because I barely talk to anyone outside of work > No energy to do so because I'm overloaded on people by the time I finish an 8-9 hour retail shift. I fear I'm slowly drifting to becoming the 'normal, friendly person' mask I wear for dealing with people at work.
I have a week of holiday time coming up. I think I'm gonna have to use it getting in touch with myself again. Hanging out with old friends I haven't seen in a while, doing nerdy things, and spending some time alone.
But on the upside, I have a new car, so at least I don't have to worry about my car going wrong anytime soon.
And the busy-as-fuck time at work is giving me hella overtime.
Anonymous 11/03/14 (Mon) 02:49:23 No. 1568
>>5 you don't have depression
Anonymous 11/03/14 (Mon) 03:06:23 No. 1571
>>1568 Telling someone they don't have depression because they have a reason to feel like shit is kind of retarded.
Anonymous 11/03/14 (Mon) 03:45:34 No. 1574
My brain isn't wired right I guess. But it's mostly just self-loathing.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 00:14:14 No. 1708
>make friend >we have a ton in common >qt 3.14 >develop crush pretty soon >too much of a pussy to tell her >tell myself I'm not good enough for her and to stop trying >make another friend a little later, a dude this time >pretty cool, we have a lot in common >introduce two friends >they hit it off, I think nothing of it, just more friendships >kind of happy >fast forward almost a year >girl starts to distance herself from me >find out the two started dating a few months ago and are pretty serious >try to feel happy for them, bro was pretty depressed as well but them dating made him much happier >I REALLY want to feel happy for them, but I keep feeling jealous >feel like a fucking prick because I think I actually have a chance with her and want her to be with me
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 00:21:09 No. 1713
>suffer from depression >mental issues have been working overdrive the past 3weeks >my store manager comes up to me and bitches at me for my lack of work, saying i'm not as good as i use to be >i say i've been dealing with some stuff >nope, i still shouldn't let it affect me >fuckyouitsnotthateasy >mother keeps yelling and bitching at me every chance she sees me >i'm seen as just a sex hungry cunt by friends >only person who cares lives 5states away >relapsed on self harm >newscars.jpeg
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 07:41:36 No. 1794
I just really need help but getting help is easier said than done. All I do is self medicate so I don't have to feel mental pain.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 07:51:41 No. 1795
There's these two girls I know. One's named Avalon and the other is Chloe.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 08:37:19 No. 1803
I don't want to work.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 08:39:40 No. 1805
>>1803 As long as there isn't life, there is dick all. There's a hotline at the top of the page.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 09:10:57 No. 1814
I want to feel something that isn't confusion. What happened to pain
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 12:06:42 No. 1827
I swear, the only thing that's keeping me alive is video gaming. Sure, I have other interests. But the way my life is going, the only thing that keeps me from hitting the ol' kill switch is teh vidya. And I know it's not the best way to live.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 12:47:05 No. 1829
I'm constantly worrying that I'm wasting too much of my life. It's a little under 2 months away from Christmas and I really don't feel like I've achieved anything over the past year. I felt like this last year too.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 13:49:28 No. 1842
>>11 no. Don't waste your time, brah! Those girls that be married or in a relationship with some schmuck, will never leave the schmuck, no matter how much they dislike them.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 14:15:28 No. 1844
>need money for this shit society so i can eat and drink alcohol >need to work in order to get money >hate working these shit labour jobs, and have dropped out of college too many times to count >wish I was financially independent >wish I could afford something other than cheap bum wine. >tired, lazy, adrenal exhaustion >tfw you've been to every kind of therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, neuropsychologist, rehab, mental hospital, been on all kinds of meds, and nothing's ever EVER WORKED. >tfw when you realize society is just one massive scam preying on the weak and vulnerable >tfw your heart is swollen from too much mdma, crack, dxm, speed, 2c-research chems, and all that is left is the drink and the draw! >tfw all you can afford is bum wine, but it's better than nothing >tfw you have to get a job and support yourself, but all the jobs suck and are depressing. >tfw you get a job, and there are no westernized young people - just a bunch of boring 40 year old durkas, chingchangs, and fillipinos who know nothing other than work and family and serving their master. >tfw these durks, changs and fillies have 0 conversation skills and you're stuck on you're lunch break smoking weed by yourself. >tfw you're stoned as fuck and the rest of the shift just seems to drag on forever.
Anonymous 11/04/14 (Tue) 15:02:55 No. 1848
>got wrangled into an obsessive online twitter war >being pressured to leave home and I really want to but it means making money >made youtube, not taking off any >even thousands of views and no single ad clicks >really want to better my voice acting skills but zero motivation buried under constant pressure to make money and GTFO >getting fans who are becoming obsessed with me in very small numbers, they seem rather unintelligent and obnoxious and I don't have the will to deal with the drama if I tell them to fuck off >lost friends over twitter war, desperate, started talking with one fan, he seems into me but he's really, really not the kind of person that interests me >he tries to call me on skype daily, I dread logging in >I feel bad because it's not his fault I'm so fucked up
Anonymous 11/06/14 (Thu) 01:36:25 No. 2053
File: 1415237785035.jpg (125.48 KB, 290x276, 145:138, Grey Skies and Electric Li….jpg )
>Wind up getting a job at an auto shop a few weeks ago >Would be great if not for one thing >Total candy-ass. Physically and emotionally. >Only wanted to get into it for the money, and quickly realizing that I am absolutely not cut out for this industry. >Can't quit because the only thing worse than no job experience is negative job experience. >Probably too soft to survive in the real world.
Anonymous 11/06/14 (Thu) 01:54:08 No. 2055
My mom's boyfriends were physically abusive. My mom was psychologically abusive. She kept me sheltered from the world in a windowless bedroom for the last 2 years I was with her. I'm a little less than two years removed from that and the 18 years of memories still hurt to this day.Yes I posted this on another board a little bit ago.
Anonymous 11/06/14 (Thu) 15:52:42 No. 2106
>>2 I was driving a bunch yesterday to see someone I like and hang out with them. I haven't got my car seat set up right, so my back/shoulders kinda hurt.
I feel guilty for having taken spent days of my holiday time without doing anything significant.
Even though I'm saving up energy to hit up a bunch of museums tomorrow.
Slow-growing guilt about spending all the money I've been saving to have fun on my holiday time.
Rebuked the other day for being inconsiderate at a LAN gaming event. Pretty much because I forgot to be concerned about other people.
Someone on IRC is trying to get bitchy at me, going through proxies to get people turned against me.
>>155 Deciding not to self-harm is a good start, though. Block the ex out of your life; you don't need her shit. That should free you up to getting less depressed.
And any less is progress.
Anonymous 11/06/14 (Thu) 17:08:06 No. 2114
>NEET >broke >no friends >no social skills >last girlfriend was 3 years ago, messaged me a year ago that she confused 'love for comfort' >dont leave apartment, don't talk to anyone but family >anxiety even around cashiers or people taking public transport >people my age (24) are getting married, I'm just sitting here >think about killing myself everyday as I honestly think I'm too fucked up to change
Anonymous 11/07/14 (Fri) 01:29:50 No. 2160
Is there a correlation between depression and sugar? I swear, the worse I feel, the more I crave sweets. I've made like 4 glasses of lemonade today.
Anonymous 11/07/14 (Fri) 01:33:36 No. 2161
>>2160 There's a reason the term "comfort food" exists, and it's usually sweets.
Anonymous 11/07/14 (Fri) 04:10:49 No. 2169
Didn't do too hot on my latest chemistry test, am afraid I'll get my scholarships removed due to a low GPA. Have to keep a 3.5+ in order to keep scholarships. I really don't want to drop out of college due to lack of funding. Really worried I'm throwing my future in the shitter due to lack of discipline.
Anonymous 11/07/14 (Fri) 04:14:24 No. 2170
>>2160 >>2161 Same problem here, but mostly with high carb foods and greasy shit. Used to eat tons of bread, rice and fast food when I was at my worst. I still overeat but not to the extent that I have before. At least my weight stopped going up. 60 lbs overweight and (slightly) high cholesterol at age 19 is not good for health.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 05:43:09 No. 2403
>depressive thoughts increasing >suicidal urges rising >wish i had someone to talk to about it >finally find someone willing to listen and not judge me >tell her about my disorders, my problems, my past >expect to feel better >feel nothing I just want to feel normal for a day. Just a day.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 06:33:00 No. 2405
>>2403 This was my experience with therapy.
Nobody can help anyone else.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 13:20:48 No. 2421
This is what sucks, nothing is inherently bothering me thought wise. I don't look down on myself or feel sad about myself. I just get really dizzy, feel very unreal and constantly sick + disorientation. So bad I'm completely nonfunctional with work\school(currently on break) Am told constantly it's likely depression though. feelsbad
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 13:49:13 No. 2423
>>2403 Are you on any medications? You probably ought to be. The brain is plastic; our experiences can actually change the physical nature of it. When you spend long enough being depressed, your brain becomes deficient in its ability to make you feel happy again. This is what antidepressants and anxiolytics are for. They're not magic of course, but they can help. And of course airing your baggage out isn't a solution. You still have to carry it once you're done. You need more than just an outlet to vent at, you need fresh perspectives and goals to work at. You should try and find a good psychologist and psychiatrist to work with you. Too many "therapists" are really dipshit social workers and "counselors" that know fuck all about the science behind mental illness and aren't really qualified to perform any therapies that has any kind of evidence behind it actually working. If your therapist doesn't really do anything besides sit you in a chair and charge you to whine for an hour without any input or if they seem like a quack, then you might actually be seeing some liberal arts major that got some flimsy accreditation to be a counselor.
>>2421 That's very strange. Have you seen a neurologist? You ought to make sure you're not getting MS or something before you rule it out as psychosomatic.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 16:52:05 No. 2430
>>2423 >Are you on any medications? I can't afford them. I can't even afford a therapist. I've had friends who were therapists and I guess my shit was too much for them because they all left me.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 21:42:51 No. 2449
>>2430 Where do you live? You might qualify for some kind of medicaid to see a mental health professional. There may also be therapists that have a sliding scale fee.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 22:19:17 No. 2456
>>2449 United States. I don't have any insurance and I don't even make enough money to pay my rent so I'm pretty fucked.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 23:05:56 No. 2470
>>2456 I'm in the US too and I have medicaid. It's not awesome, but it's better than nothing for sure. Depending on your state, you may qualify for it. Sometimes even on the county level there are free services for psychiatric care. Try getting in touch with a social services office near you and see what you can do.
Anonymous 11/10/14 (Mon) 23:26:28 No. 2471
I'm stuck on the same ferris wheel that I'll always be on, I go up and can see the world as beautiful on top then I go back down and can't see shit other then the ground. Other then that can't find steady work and the couple friends I have are at their end of their fuse dealing with me I'm getting a feeling
Feeling Bad Carlos 11/11/14 (Tue) 04:54:56 No. 2535
Guys, I am feeling pretty shitty because of what happened on 2012. It was freshman year. I had issues with a girl i used to be friends with. Lets call her A.
>Caused a huge misunderstanding with each other. >Apologizes and says it's ok >Continues to be friends until December 12th >Asks girl for FB >Says no >itsok.jpg >Meanwhile in 5th period (it was a B Day) >Guy threatens to kick my ass >Fuckingscared.jpg >I was crying and was sent to a classroom >Stays until Biology started >End School at 4:15 >Next day at school >Says Hello to A >She waves back >Guy comes at me >A stops him >Is freaking out and scared >A confronts me and Tells me it's ok >Gives me a warm hug >Still feels sad on a monday >Tuesday is where shit is close to the fan >Says hello to A >Guy is trying to attack me >I got scared >A does a complete 180 and tells me to fuck off >Rushes to the art class >My friend is worried about me >Tells friend what happened >Guy in the way back of the class tells me that she is a bitch >Thatguyisright.jpg >Rushes back to the cafeteria >Confronts bully >A stops me and drags bully away from me with an angry glare >Feels.jpg >Wednesday is where i truly regret >Says hi to A >A ignores me >Bully talks to me about staying away from her even though i didn't do anything wrong >Cries all day >Rushes to A at early lunch >A looks at me as if i did something wrong >I say that i wanted to start over >A says that we were never friends to begin with and says that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and she lost her respect for me >Cries and starts to feel suicidal >Goes home >One of my FB friends saved my life >Feels gleeful but still sad >2 years later >Still feels shitty about what happened >Still is reminded of A disliking me because it was my fault >I have to live with that everyday >Despite being happy, I am still sad after what happened I completely regret freshman year.
Is there anything I can do to fix this or at least get my mind off it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfGRZPbkdUY
Anonymous 11/11/14 (Tue) 08:47:31 No. 2587
>>2535 It's not all your fault. Sure, your social skills and tolerances weren't tip-top. But it sounded like a girl who didn't know how to be a friend and the typical jealous turbococks who thought you were a contender to her pussy throne.
I was in a similar situation in high school. Eventually, I got over the chick. I realized that she just wasn't worth the pain and suffering.
Anonymous 11/11/14 (Tue) 20:30:25 No. 2619
>>2535 I know I've read this someplace else before.
You should use whatever coping techniques you usually use- hanging out with family, playing sports, games, maybe drinking moderately… something fun, maybe productive, maybe creative and hopefully physically activating and social.
Carlos 11/12/14 (Wed) 00:33:37 No. 2664
Thanks Guys….
Anonymous 11/12/14 (Wed) 06:34:11 No. 2710
>>2535 If I were you anon I honestly would just be in a IDGAF mood. Of what I meant I was talking about not caring about that event or anything. That's pretty much what I do to not feel shitty, depress, or suicidal on a daily which is what I use to feel like and honestly I feel much better after not caring for most things around me.
Anonymous 11/12/14 (Wed) 08:45:04 No. 2756
>work at mcdonalds >unpredictable hours, cant see a dentist let alone a shrink >if i can il get tested for a personality disorder so next time im unemployed i can go on disability >no gf because no social skills >suck at my job, unemployable >i went to sleep too early so now im posting here at 2 am
Anonymous 11/12/14 (Wed) 09:45:36 No. 2762
>>1829 I feel this way every day. I used to do cool programming shit in my late teens and now since I got this full time job I havn't done fucking SHIT for a year other than make someone else richer. Fucking student loans.
>>1844 shieeet
>have a qt pi GF >college degree in comp sci >100k+ programming job in the bay >do nothing at work and no one notices >still hate myself >god tier genetics from my grandfather who shot himself in the face >no motivation >becoming a consumerist shithead and losing my ideals faster than ever >huge moral hypocrite >know full well that I have it better than a lot of people >fuck this gay earth
Anonymous 11/12/14 (Wed) 14:12:44 No. 2782
>>2762 Find something you want to do and do it. You don't have to quit your job even. Though if you really think that'd make you happier, find another environment that lets you do the "cool programming shit" you want to do. And if you feel like you're not contributing enough to society or something, then put in some charity work and donate. But really, I think you're probably just sublimating your depression. You'd probably be unhappy wherever you were because that's just status quo for your brain, since that's how clinical depression works, and because you don't like the idea of being sad for no reason you refuse to believe that's the case. Your brain wants to find a pattern where there isn't one and you're grasping at straws for reasons to explain what you're feeling. When the truth probably is, you just feel bad and that's all there is to it. If you truly feel like you should be happy but you're not, then it's time to see a therapist.
Anonymous 11/12/14 (Wed) 23:40:42 No. 2845
I-I think I misapplied the thermal paste on my new processor. ;~;
Anonymous 11/13/14 (Thu) 00:41:58 No. 2853
I think I have bipolar. I went to the doctor a couple months ago to get a psychiatric referral, and they finally called and gave me an appointment for early December
Anonymous 11/13/14 (Thu) 01:40:50 No. 2856
>>2853 Your psychiatrist is definitely not going to laugh you out of her office. What you experienced is definitely not normal. It sounds like you had a psychotic episode. Schizophrenia and related disorders commonly manifests around your age. If you experience psychosis along with mood swings or depression, or have psychotic episodes that come and go with mania (elevated mood, rapid thoughts, high impulsivity) you may have schizoaffective disorder. If that's the case you'll likely need to start an antipsychotic to curb the psychotic symptoms and then maybe an antidepressant or another mood stabilizer like lithium depending on your needs, and therapy to help you cope. Taking a break from college may not be the worst idea depending on how difficult this becomes to manage for you. You may end up needing to experiment with different medications and some time in therapy to sort it out. But you don't have to be scared, a professional will be willing and able to help you work through it and get better. So definitely keep your appointment.
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 04:42:18 No. 3171
I'm schizotypal and Autistic and I feel severely mentally overwhelmed. Ended up self harming for I think the second time this week. My arm's got 12 new cuts on it.She's not wrong.
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 09:19:28 No. 3183
>>2845 Jesus Christ how horrifying.
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 19:31:18 No. 3210
>>2853 Sounds very much like my experiences with psychosis, and I'm bipolar, but if you were manic, you'd definitely notice that the world suddenly became amazing and beautiful for no particular reason. Did get little sleep before this episode?
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 19:49:04 No. 3213
>>3210 Another bipolar here.
The sudden change from manic to depressive is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.
You stop feeling that the world is yours and that you're the best and you start to see your life slowly breaking into pieces while you can't do nothing more than sit in your bed getting drunk,remembering the past.
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 20:11:17 No. 3215
>>3213 Also this
>be me >half of my family wants me dead and i wish the same to them, the other half are manipulative sons of bitches >my brother was never there for me,in fact, he did the opposite he was a drunk bastard who only cared about himself and I'm glad I haven't seen him for years >bullied all my life until I started working out and got my revenge >A friend who knew everything about me sold me and fucked me up revealing fucked up stuff just to have some fun >Only girl I've ever loved used me to pass a highschool year and later put everyone against me just to have some fun >most recently I met a new girl at college, everything was going good until she started dating one of my childhood bullies…awesome
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 20:26:32 No. 3217
>>3213 Also this. Fuck this shit.
One day you are capable of doing anything, you don't even need to sleep for fuck's sake. Then, the next day, you become a pathetic bastard with crippling depression, drunk and laying in your bed not even able of sobbing, even if you want to. You are not answering the calls from your coworkers and friends, while you are pondering if you should just drink a nice cup of milk and relax with the .38 S&W you had bought and have hidden below the mattress just for this exploit.
Anonymous 11/16/14 (Sun) 20:43:10 No. 3220
>>3217 If you have a gun lying around you should probably get rid of it so you have some time to think clearly. I just get me some benzos or opiates until I'm feeling better.
Anonymous 11/17/14 (Mon) 14:31:12 No. 3302
>>3217 >>3220 Right, I don't recommend you to keep a gun around while you're depressed, or at least put the secure and take out all the bullets, that will buy you some more time to think everything twice
Anonymous 11/17/14 (Mon) 17:23:51 No. 3315
>be me >manage to be an awkward loser fuckup despite not having a dick >be a wanton, unemployable fuckup nearly into their thirties >reguarly think about suicide, despite being too much of a wuss to go through with it.
Anonymous 11/17/14 (Mon) 22:48:19 No. 3332
Well, I'm morbidly obese, my face is a festering hive of pus, everyone I know keeps lying about it, I haven't slept well for three weeks, and my Therapist cancelled my appointment. I'm pretty sure I don't have depression though.
Anonymous 11/18/14 (Tue) 02:43:35 No. 3344
>>3315 DO NOT TRY OVERDOSING it's far from painless and you will turn into a flipping vegetable. Source: I fucking tried.
Anonymous 11/18/14 (Tue) 04:29:25 No. 3350
>>3344 Hence, wasting the NHS's time. Forcing them to waste a bed and a dialysis machine for someone that has already shown no regard for their life is a shitty fucking thing to do.
Anonymous 11/18/14 (Tue) 04:47:35 No. 3351
>>3302 Definitely good advice, I got rid of my guns and I'm very thankful for that
Anonymous 11/18/14 (Tue) 09:50:00 No. 3372
>>3315 people have recovered from zoophilia
Anonymous 11/19/14 (Wed) 19:05:24 No. 3482
>>3351 It was experience talking, gun secures saved my ass, I owe them one.
>>3315 I'm Bipolar and when I go depressive I think the same kind of things, but then when I'm not It's so fucking different, the way you're seeing life right now Is from the angle of depression, if you get rid of it, you'll see everything from another perspective, just hold on until you reach to see it another way.
Anonymous 11/19/14 (Wed) 23:19:09 No. 3510
My mom and her longtime live-in bf are going through a spectacular break-up. Just today, she threw him out. One one hand, I'm tired of all the yelling. On the other, I don't know how to deal just with him being gone.
Anonymous 11/21/14 (Fri) 21:10:37 No. 3655
>>3482 It's been so long I'm honestly scared of the change and being different and I'm worried I'll fuck over things with everyone and everything.
Anonymous 11/21/14 (Fri) 21:26:18 No. 3657
>>3655 Well, if anything happens you'll still have yourself. In your situation you gotta be more selfish, think about you first and keep it cool, if you act like always you won't fuck over with anyone.
Anonymous 11/22/14 (Sat) 18:08:25 No. 3711
>>2 What's bothering me?
People. Winter. Idiots. EVERYTHING IS FUCKING BOTHERING ME.
Anonymous 11/23/14 (Sun) 00:44:20 No. 3743
>switched into a new major, it's time-consuming, I'm not enjoying the work, and instead of doing what I used to love I just want to lie in bed and do mindless things until I fall asleep >motivation is all but gone >Medicaid is being a hassle, and I'm possibly going to be going into more debt to get a new prosthesis. >I used to be comfortable thinking about suicide, but that's changed and I can't realistically imagine doing that anymore. As nice as it is having people that care enough about me that I don't want to hurt them, the comfort of thinking I could end my life when I wanted is gone. >I really want to self-harm to relieve some stress but I can't because there's no way I'd get it past the gf >gf also dealing with depression, but she isn't really willing to admit it. Trying to be her rock when her family is falling apart is draining.
Anonymous 11/23/14 (Sun) 03:32:42 No. 3752
Things were going good with my ex, thought we could maybe get back together.
Anonymous 11/23/14 (Sun) 15:38:38 No. 3776
>>3752 Clearly it ended for a reason, and a good one.
You're torturing yourself - it was never her. Sorry man. *hug*
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 04:41:49 No. 4112
I almost managed to go an entire month without wanting to die. Now it's back in full force.
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 06:01:55 No. 4114
Has anyone ever tried making a list of everything they've gone through as far back as they can remember? I did that somewhat recently and I realized I never properly appreciated how fucked up my childhood was.
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 08:04:55 No. 4116
I realized that I'm going to have to put up with everything that's wrong with me until my dying day.
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 08:11:13 No. 4117
>>4116 Just make a help thread.
Everyone in this board who doesn't need a psychologist has some level of skill with psychology.
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 08:53:16 No. 4118
>>4112 What made you want to live again?
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 11:23:46 No. 4125
>>4118 I don't know. It wasn't so much that I stopped hating life as it was I somehow distracted myself for almost a month.
Anonymous 11/28/14 (Fri) 14:14:13 No. 4144
Bottled up aggression and self-loathing bubbling over, beginning to freak out at myself for small mistakes. Panic attacks everyday, and life is just the same tedious thing, always waiting for something as if somebody's pressing repeat on an old CD.
Anonymous 11/15/15 (Sun) 18:36:33 No. 12287
>be me
>stopped junior hs because angsty teen who hates school
>stopped going to classes. locked myself in my room, playing computer games all day.
>barely eat enough food
>parents are both abroad, working their assess off for my education.
>they aren't together anymore though, bec. dad cheated and mom got sick of it because whenever she forgives him, he does it all over again.
>angry at first, but I tell keep telling myself it won't bother me anymore
>before he left me alone and went abroad too, he was 'supposed' to look after me
>but it felt like he didn't give a shit about me
>probably because he hated the thought of having a lame ass autistic loser girl for a child
>he's drunk almost everyday
>sometimes doesn't even come home for 2 days
>and I hated his guts for it, I hated him for not guiding me
>tried to tell mom I might have mental issues and I don't know what to do
>Probably just shrugged it off as teeny hormonal nonsense
>I still managed to graduate HS though, now Idropped outta college, I didn't get past prelims
>It's the anxiety, the sadness that keeps coming back even when you thought it was gone for good
>now I'm trying to get my credentials to try and enroll to a new school, but uni won't give it unless I pay the tuition in full and my parents don't have enough money.
>it's too late to enroll now. I would try next year, but the government just proposed K-12 in our country and wouldn't accept college freshmen for the next two years.
>and I hate myself because my parents are working hard for me to have a decent life and securing my future but I keep fucking it up
>by now I don't know where to go or what to do
Anonymous 11/16/15 (Mon) 05:24:18 No. 12288
Got some dexedrine and snorted it so I'm good now.
I'm a speed addict any amphetamine makes me feel better, but dexedrine really hits the spot.
But earlier, not having drugs was my number one let down. I hate how I have psychotic breaks being a schizophrenic has it's ups and downs but let's face it medicated or not psychosis causes brain damage and hell neurotoxic stimulants on top of it aint helping, my damage effects my social skills, I get by, I always end up with a girl who is a bitch, I get it you have your own problems but I have mine too and if you just reply to my what's up message it would make me feel a lot better, asked this girl on a date but she doesn't seem interested, she's very attractive and I've had a lot of good times with her, when I asked her out it was the day before halloween we both had clown paint on and kissed, the clown paint made it so much better, she looked great with it. Torrent for fallout 4 for took all day but it's down so just need to crack it and I'll be having fun, looks like a good game. Got some new friends who I don't like too much, assholes too focusing on getting blown and shitty drug deals. Ended up hanging out with an old friend who turns out started smoking meth, after giving them a huge rant on how bad meth is spent the next 2 days smoking it with them and popping pills, ended up breaking there vape so I owe them 40 bucks, get my dexedrine for free and I've tried meth a handfull of times so I may be addicted but dexedrine is my go too. When the fire dies down, what the fuck will you do. Just got stuck listening to my lyrics lost all focus listening to the lyrics. I just want a girl who loves me and shows it and some really good friends. I have 3 really good friends, 1 in prison, 1 in germany and 1 who is all good, hopefully going drinking with him after his appointments where he's hoping to get xanax, that would be great, xanax is heavenly. Still get thoughts of killing myself time to time, felt like shit all day till I got my fix, Drug Addiction and not enough Affection are what's got me down, still schizo 3rd eye master race life, fucking bullshit /fringe/ is a joke.
Anonymous 11/16/15 (Mon) 22:14:13 No. 12291
>>2421
I have this exactly. It used to be really bad, and I was actually trying to get better, started lifting a lot and cleaned up diet and was making slight gains, it seemed to be helping. But then about 5 weeks ago I got some cold that everyone had, and ever since then I've been lifting less weight every week and feeling foggy/seeing colors again. My ability to remember things is significantly worse too, and I'm starting to lose track of time (sometimes leaving 15 mins late for psych appointments despite feeling like I'm doing fine). It feels like I'm moving in slow motion or something, taking a shower usually takes me like 20mins but it's been almost an hour recently, even though it feels like I'm moving at the same pace I usually do.
Anonymous 11/17/15 (Tue) 00:14:38 No. 12292
>Used to have a job.
>Had to quit due to panic attacks and anxiety.
>Haven't worked since then.
>Local low-cost mental health clinic doesn't offer one on one therapy, only low-cost psychiatrist
>Tried getting on disability/SSI
>5 year long battle with judges and US district court
>My case is denied and my lawyer drops my case
>Can't get insurance because no income
>Can't drive due to panic attacks/anxiety
>See if I can maybe get into low-cost group therapy
>Funding had been cut dramatically, clinic only covers 8 sessions and then they can't/won't help anymore
>Symptoms are getting worse, getting more paranoid
>Psychiatrist suggests looking into voc-rehab
>Tell him sure, but I'm too afraid to
>What if I fail at that job too?
>Depression gets worse
>Just want to lay in bed and never wake up
Anonymous 11/17/15 (Tue) 16:16:12 No. 12296
i have my fair share of mental health problems but i'm in a state where i actually feel okay.
the problem is that state is not sustainable. i work 5 hours a week and live at home and don't pay rent. the thought of working more hours fills me with anxiety. the thought of meeting new people fills me with anxiety. the thought of going back to school fills me with anxiety.
it takes me so long to adjust to new stimuli. i'm sure i could work more, but it would have to be adding 1 or 2 hours a week at a time. i'm not bad in social situations, but it takes me 5 or 6 interactions with someone before i'm not hyper vigilant and constantly on edge in their presence. i'm smart enough to do well in school, but i can't force myself to study when i'm feeling so anxious all the time.
it literally takes all of the focus, concentration, and effort i have to perform basic tasks like getting a haircut or meeting someone for coffee. and i can summon all of that focus, concentration and effort in my current circumstances, but that's because i don't have to worry about shelter or direct that energy towards a job. my dad is selling the house in august, and after that i'll have to figure something else out.
i have tried to avoid going back on meds because of the side effects for as long as possible, but i don't think i have any other options. exercising, meditating, sleeping well, eating well, and self-medicating aren't helping enough. and it's just crazy because it's not the fact that right now, in this moment i feel terrible and need relief, it's the fact that as soon as the delicate balance is upset with more stress from any of the necessary endeavors in life i won't be able to handle it.
all of the above makes me depressed.
Anonymous 11/19/15 (Thu) 02:53:04 No. 12306
>>12296
Hot damn, that's almost me exactly. Especially the thing with getting basic tasks done, I see all these people who go to class and work and still go to parties or whatnot afterward, and I can't even imagine how it's humanly possible to have that much energy.
Anonymous 11/27/15 (Fri) 04:57:00 No. 12377
I feel worthless, disposable and useless. Which these feelings come back occasionally, but do successfully get me down for months at a time.
I don't like being around my people/acquaintances/"friends" but kind of be around them as an obligation ("socializing, networking etc to get a job" or whatever you'd call it).
I wouldn't kill myself, but some days I just wish not to be alive/conscious.
Anonymous 11/27/15 (Fri) 09:13:41 No. 12378
I fluctuate between thoughts of doing something good and then going completely crazy.
Thoughts of mass murder and rampage sometimes turn me on even.
Though I am generally depressive
Anonymous 11/27/15 (Fri) 11:00:49 No. 12380
Fuckin muscle spasms. I've been diagnosed with PD. Does anyone know how to get rid of spasms?