/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

I drink and I cut myself.

I also have a diary.

I have a fear of drunk people. I am here trying to face this fear. I apologize for my presence.

Please don't kill me. I didn't do it.

>>3283
Hey. >>3282 here.
When I get drunk all I wanna do is cuddle. I literally become the most gentle person when I drink.

>>3284
NO GOD PLEASE NO.

That's the worst. Would you want to be hugged by a shark? Jesus christ no, god please. I've had cuddly drunks before. I shut down for three days when one hugged me and didn't let me go.

>>3283
ah why? all i am doing is crying cus FUCK bipolar depression SERIOUSLY FUCK EVERYTHING

i feel like such a goddamn burden on everyone and want to die

but drunk epople shouldnt be that bad unless youre with touchy-feely drunks //shivers//

>>3280
> Depression
Do fun thing. Game. Drive. Listen to metal. ANYTHING just to keep it from getting me again.
I am not depressed. I just suffer from depression. If I keep telling myself that, and keep battling it, I will get through the cycles of it.

> Dyspraxia
Go home and go back to bed, where I can't hurt myself or break anything valuable.

> Aspergers
If I act normal enough, nobody notices. Especially if I act deliberately abnormal; cold and distant and keep to myself. The less I say, the less people will figure out.

>>3326
That said, I just broke a glass and all the depression just hit me about not even being able to walk through the house without risking breaking things.
And how my shitty job has worn my feet to the point where I can step on broken glass without cutting the skin.

And there's nobody I can talk to about it for sympathy, because they all turned out to be cunts a couple of years back and I haven't gotten close to anyone since.

I drink too but I try to meditate as much as I can and also read if I can get myself to do it. Lately been posting on here, spending less time on /b/ and switched to here. Drinking makes me gentle too though I'm gentle anyways but even more so when I'm drunk

I also drink.
I think I started drinking after/while stopping meds. I find alcohol easier to manage, and people doesn't treat you as a mad guy when you have some.
I started drinking medical alcohol, then dry gin. After this I thought, if I need to drink, let's try to make this more interresting. Now I try different beers, eaux de vie and whiskies. This way, even if I know I drink too often and too much, I don't only drink to calm me or to get drunk.

Other way to deal with my issues : walking in forest, or in streets by night, listening music…

I believe I am and always have been a paranoid schizophrenic, not diagnosed, mainly due to financial situation. I am unable to interact with people the way other people do so easily, naturally shit gets rocky quickly. Drank myself to acute pancreatitis twice now. white knuckling/ switched substances. i am arguably maintaining atm. not sure about tomorrow, or today really. I am just alive, don't want to die, but hate being around people. I could ramble further, but ya know.

Getting drunk to me feels good for 5/10 min and then everything becomes darker and i just want to kill myself, it's like i have a clear mindset about my life, without the "censorship" i have when i'm sober.

I tried smoking weed and i feel like shit everytime, i don't get what is good about it, i always end up in a
"depersonalized enviroment" when i smoke, like i'm not there anymore but my mind is still thinking like when i'm sober, only with more paranoid thoughts.

Cocaine only one time, felt good for the same amount of time as alcohol, then the only thing i've felt was my heart getting crazy, and that's it, disappointing.

Ecstasy was good but i don't remember anything, only stupid shit, and at the end i've felt depressed as fuck because that "person" wasn't me.

Right now i only drink, i don't feel the need for paying expensive drugs for getting 5/10 min of "feeling good", it helps me with anxiety and i feel like a man because when i'm not sober sometimes i do cool shit and if any wigger/chav/subhuman act tough i can actually throw a punch, better than fucking nothing sometimes, other times i just end up outnumbered and risking my fucking life.