/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

Last year I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I had no idea what anxiety felt like because it was normal for me. Took a while to be able to identify when I was anxious. The meds really helped with that.

Still anxious, still depressed as fuck, but at least I pop some pills and go mingle with society now and then.

Occasionally I have thoughts about doing stuff. It can be anything from flipping my desk and walking home to looking over at someone and thinking "I could totally grab that pencil right there and stab them in the eye." I'm not too worried about it since the thoughts are easy to supress and fairly rare, but it would be nice to know what the hell is wrong with me. I've got depression, if that helps at all.

>>519
That's how people keep from making bad decisions. Everybody can relate to wanting to throw their gameboy out of the car window as a child.

I used to be a total spaz and realized how awkward I was. Since then, I've developed anxiety problems and also what I think is dysthymia. I got diagnosed with Asperger's a while back, which helped me realize that the awkwardness is basically incurable at this point, but I'm still stuck with my other issues.

The anhedonia and chronic depression are really wearing me down. It's bad enough being stuck inside my head and being unable to relate to people, but now I don't enjoy anything anymore.

>>623
I can relate to this

>>524
Be upfront about it, it's all you can do

>>647
That's good news, hopefully something comes out of it.

I actually read about a potential pill for treating autism a while back, but don't remember the source.

Major depression, thankfully Zoloft keeps me stable. Also helps with anxiety and OCD. Although with OCD it's mostly the obsessions, and not the compulsions.
>tfw you're trying to sleep and your brain spams gore pics
Also have asperger's. I don't really mind the lack of social ability since I'm pretty introverted. It's mostly not being able to read between the lines, needing very detailed instruction, low stress tolerance, difficulty expressing my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and some weird sensory bullshit that screws me over. May also have ADD but not confirmed.

Aspergers?
>already diagnosed with sensory perceptive disorder
>can't understand people
>obsessed with just a few things
>asexual
>logical to a fault
>lit teacher approaches me as equal in terms of reading level and debate

Schizotypal personality disorder. What a mess.

>If someone even mildly gets annoyed or less-than-thrilled at something I've done I build up in my head that they hate me, are sick of me, want to fuck me over, etc.

>constantly paranoid someone or something is going to kill me. Whether by leaping out of the bushes or breaking into my house or just slitting my throat from behind while I'm at work.

>have a tendency to think of a song and then I'll hear it later that day, and when it happens I convince myself it's some sort of psychic ability. I know now that it's not but when it happens I legitimately think it's real

>constantly seeing people out of the corner of my eye. Hair brush in my face weirdly while I'm in the shower? Well for about 4 seconds that'll be a fully developed man in my bathroom. A street lamp out of the corner of my eye will become a menacing figure standing like Jason Voorhees in the middle of the street. As a kid I often saw shadow figures running around and I even tried to chase them but never caught them because they weren't ever really there to begin with.

>I constantly have to reword and rephrase things I say out loud because the structure gets massively butchered when it's coming out of my mouth. I can control it fairly well when I'm typing (backspacing helps) but there's no backspace IRL.

>Very emotionally inexpressive. My face has such little facial expression that I'm 20 and people often mistake me for about 15 due to how little my face has aged.

>Intense fear that people are going to hurt me, insult me, turn on me, etc. I mostly stay to myself for this reason and that I just don't like being around people. Makes me uncomfortable.

>I have very strange hand mannerisms that I catch myself doing a lot. I also dress very unusually but I won't say how I do it because it's unique enough someone would recognize me (it's happened before).

>Social situations give me wicked anxiety and when I'm at work I will walk around places I don't need to just to avoid customers.

>Really no IRL friends. The occasional time I've tried to talk to someone at work or where have you, I've said something weird and broken apart and had them think something was wrong with me so I just keep my mouth shut so nobody thinks I'm crazy, just an asshole. Got some internet friends but I'm sure if we met in IRL they'd hate me.

>Severely depressed. Constantly battling thoughts of suicide, self harm, etc. I have a metal tin with razor blades I stole from work in it just in case I feel like cutting my arm. It's gotten insanely worse lately after having relative, comparative freedom for a bit of time.

tl;dr: I'm a mess.

>>690
>helps the O
>doesn't help the C
They're interrelated. The compulsion is obsessive.

I don't think you know exactly what OCD is. Please elaborate.

>>700
You didn't elborate.

>>699
Sorry I didnn't make myself understood. I meant that for me the obsessions have been a greater problem than the compulsions. Sorry for confusing you.

>>703
Samefag here, just noticed how horrible with words I am, holy shit

>>703
>>703
I'm sorry I didn't make myself understood.
That isn't how OCD works.

>>702
Because that wasn't me. I was reacting to the drama.

Today has been insane, guys. Sometimes I'll have these extremely energized moments, and usually it makes me feel good, but right now I'm stuck in the house so it's making me irritated. I'm trying to revise but the words don't make sense anymore. I'm hungry, but when I eat something I'm immediately hungry again. My legs ache and keep twitching and it feels like…it's hard to explain. If I had to give it an analogy, I'd say it feels like someone has poured Pepsi onto my brain. And there's this pain inside of my chest. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm scared.

>>434
Dyspraxia makes work a pain in the ass some days.

Aspergers kills my ability to do my job sometimes, because I can't leave something half-done, or not fix things.

I'm a little paranoid, due to being picked on as a kid. Everyone WAS out to get me. Now I just think they are, and have to remind myself they're not.
It doesn't help that my MP3 player reads my mind because of metadata statistics.
Or that people around here drive like assholes. Or like they're trying to kill me, or fuck with me.

And if I don't make an effort to have fun and hang out with people, I slip back into depression.
This isn't helped by running out of patience with people every fucking workday.

I'm a little on edge right now, because someone fucked up my holiday time. I blocked it all out carefully so I'd have regular breaks, and they missed the one I had scheduled for the summer. So I've been working for six months with no time off other than thursdays and sundays.
I just have to survive one more week without going postal or being unable to get out of bed. Then I have a week off, and visits to people planned.
Just one more week.

>>519
If it's too much and too disturbing it might be a form of OCD, anon. I don't mean to diagnose you but it's something you should look into if it causes you too much grief.

>>708
Anon's compulsions are probably habit by this point and he might be doing them repetitively because they still make him "feel right" and he feels off if he doesn't do it. The O ("HOLY SHIT IF I DONT COUNT TO 3 IM GONNA DIE") doesn't have to be there anymore for the old rituals to still be around.

Probably-not-OCD-fag here. Y'all got me thinking. Threw out the OCD thing because it's an official diagnosis. Maybe I was misdiagnosed with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts, which have bothered me and all, and are very difficult to get out of my head but no compulsions, so maybe that trait got me an OCD diagnosis when it wasn't needed. Thanks for helping me figure shit out. Gotta stop taking doctors' word as gospel. They're only human.

>>721
There's a form of OCD called "Pure O OCD", with just the intrusive thoughts. That said intrusive thoughts aren't specific to just OCD, so I'm not sure what the qualifier is for it to fall under OCD.

>>718
That's still not how OCD works. That's just mild OCD.

I'm completely unstable. I've gotten better from a low point last month, but I'm never completely sane. I just have this urge to go nuts and kill people but I don't because too depressed to put in the work. The other day I found out about a gas that kills you if you if it consists of 0.01% of air and considered doing things with it, but that would take too much effort since EPA banned one of the ingredients. It's like why even bother if I can't get the high score, anyways, you know. Most fucked up mind set, ever. I've considered institutionalizing myself over this last year, but I don't really feel like that'll help me - in fact I know it'll make me worse off.

Schizotypalfag here. My paranoia and depression have been fucking with me pretty hard lately. I'm a rather gentle and sensitive person but I'm an utter mess. Been battling self harm urges lately. I've been enjoying the idea of going to some sort of housing for people who are fucked up like me but not violent because I can't really handle being on my own and I'm too fucked up to handle a real job. I have one but I literally hide from customers the entire time I'm there.

Mood swings are out of control. I go from absolute euphoria to sobbing hysterically and cutting myself multiple times a day. Anxiety is out of control. Derealization/depersonalization all day erryday. Keep getting thoughts/ideas/impulses that make no fucking sense.

Probably going to end up failing or dropping out of college because I can't function. At which point my family will disown me, and without their support I have nowhere to live/nothing to eat/no one to even care that I exist. So I'll probably just end up killing myself instead.

Went to my GP back in September and got a psychiatric referral, but mental health services in Canada are slow as balls. I don't even have an estimated time frame of when I'll be able to get in, just "we'll call you at some point to set an appointment". I can't afford a therapist. College has a free counsellor but I don't think she deals with serious mental illness so I don't want to dump all of this on her.

I just want to be normal. I just really fucking want to be normal. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together but no matter what I do it's not enough. I'm scared.

bitchy rant incoming.

i really wish i didnt need parental guidance or whatever whenever i have a psych appointment.
all my parents ever do is bitch to my psychologist about shit like "he doesnt like his siblings, he must have anger problems"
and then my psychologist is like okay, sure, well get anon anger management classes
>mfw
if you shitfucks didnt act like retards then i wouldnt dislike you. jesus christ everyone around me is dumb as fuck

>>698
This is me except only occasional hallucinations and drinking/doing drugs when severely depressed instead of suicidal thoughts, plus I tell myself I'm on some sort of important mission and someone (like another half of my consciousness) is evaluating my strength and life.

Bipolar with ADHD.

always alone
can't relate to anyone
sweating oceans anywhere outside of my room
hard to breathe
can't sleep
dead.

For some reason I fantasize about being abandoned and mistreated- generally feeling worthless and unwanted.

Previously the memories that come back occasionally would have me crying myself to sleep, are more frequent, making me cry myself to sleep, and making me feel some mix of joy and misery. It's giving context to the less pleasant and more pessimistic side of my personality.

If anyone's been abandoned by parents, when'd you get over it?

>>904
I was always under the impression a lot of people are misdiagnosed as adhd instead of bipolar because depressive symtoms are less obvios at school and stuff.

Is it possible to have both?

>>817
Psychologists are useless when it comes to diagnosis.
Many of them think they know what the fuck they are doing, while they have no clue whatsoever. Nothing beats a good ol' shrink.

On ADD meds I keep to myself and am somewhat of a loner.

On no meds, I also keep to myself but I'm a bit more sociable.

On thyroid meds, what my new doctor is giving me, I'm practically a self-aware autist. I approach random-ass people at school and ask for hugs and shit, I'll play stupid "jokes" on people I don't know like "LOL I like your shirt. JUST KIDDING!!". But it doesn't help with my ADD.

And of course, I'm just generally interested in suicide as a concept. I don't wanna die or anything, but I'll browse the suicide board here and be like "Gee, this sure is interesting."

I'm not trans, but I still seem to fit pretty poorly into the idea of a guy. I'm far to easily affected by girls bullshit to hope to be with the kind of girl I'm the most attracted to; the kind I can "take care of" and reassure.

I can't fucking motivate myself to do anything. And it's so strange because during the summers I'm super hype and I do things and I work out every day and I just up and do things.

At I've come to terms with being "smart but slow" ADD. I've always known it. It's just causing me problems when I want to be fast and witty or even just stay in a conversation. I lose track and all of a sudden I'm alienated, sat quiet. And I don't want to bother anyone by asking what they're talking about because that'd be rude and I have shitty self-esteem.

>>717
OCD to my knowledge causes basically physical pain when you don't follow your fixed ideas. Everyone has it to a degree, but not to a pathological degree. I imagine it's the same part of the brain that makes us clean up our houses and not keep food that has gone off near fresh food.

>>632
Hi again. I know schizophrenia means you have "fixed thoughts" and you probably can't think of other things, but consider this by Epicurus:

"Accustom yourself to believing that death is nothing to us, for good and evil imply the capacity for sensation, and death is the privation of all sentience; therefore a correct understanding that death is nothing to us makes the mortality of life enjoyable, not by adding to life a limitless time, but by taking away the yearning after immortality. For life has no terrors for him who has thoroughly understood that there are no terrors for him in ceasing to live. Foolish, therefore, is the man who says that he fears death, not because it will pain when it comes, but because it pains in the prospect. Whatever causes no annoyance when it is present, causes only a groundless pain in the expectation. Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, death is not come, and, when death is come, we are not. It is nothing, then, either to the living or to the dead, for with the living it is not and the dead exist no longer."

>>3640
A psychiatrist is a therapist. A psychologist is more of a scientist. All psychologists I've met thought they could fix me by using psychology comics and fucking role playing. When I didn't react to that the way they wanted me to, they got mad and said I was simulating or fucking with them. They didn't listen to me. They immediately shoved me into a category. My psychiatrist actually listened to me, actually talked to me and led me to success. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I hate psychologists.

I involuntarily clench the muscles in my neck when I'm stressed (which I almost always am), leading to headaches, self-awareness and general discomfort. I could live with ADHD and bipolar alone, but this little bonus makes me reconsider.

>>3643
Then your psychologists, if they were really clinical psychologists with phds, were fucking retarded. I've had just as bad experiences with psychiatrists, basically operating like webmd with a prescription pad; input symptoms and then they jump to conclusions on hairbrained diagnoses and hand out dangerous drugs like they were fucking pez. Of course that's not all of them, but bad psychiatrists are definitely out there and psychiatric meds are no joke. They fuck with your brain in ways we only sort of understand. And not all psychiatrists are really invested or competent enough to follow up with their patients to understand just how well they're doing. I've even seen psychiatrists continue upping doses on medications that clearly made all of their patients' symptoms even worse. Not even side effects, the fucking symptoms they reported wanting treatment for actually got worse on the medication, and the psychiatrists' idea was to give them more of it.

I'm glad you found a psychiatrist that helps you, but on average, most psychiatrists are very focused on the neurology and pharmacology of mental illness, which means little to the patient beyond getting the medications they need. The science and the technology is not advanced enough yet that we can accurately diagnose mental illness based on brain imaging, and until then most psychiatrists' experience with diagnostics is consulting the DSM.

A psychologist *should* be someone that understands therapy exceptionally well. CBT has nothing do with comics (the fuck?) and roleplay. A psychologist should be very intuitive and perceptive, able to ask you pointed questions that make you examine yourself, and help keep track of when and why you have dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors and break those patterns through conditioning, fear extinction and finding constructive outlets to cope, and find goals to set for yourself to make progress in your life. These are the things any psychologist worth their salt spends their entire education and career learning and doing. You've ran into some hokey woowoo psychologists I guess who have their own fucked up ideas on how therapy is supposed to be and use their patients to satisfy their ego on their quack theories and dismiss everyone who doesn't respond positively. I know these people exist for sure, but you shouldn't let that color your perception of psychology as a whole.

>>3635
it seems like you feel that letting go will hurt a lot, but by trying to control everything you're just causing yourself infinite pain

>>713
Aaaaargh.

A week off work made me forget how to do my job.
I pissed off management big time. Verbal warning.
Immune system died off, so it's still in shock from sudden 30-40 hours a week exposure to filthy conditions.
Skin on my hand is peeling like crazy; dry and cracking. Urge to bite the skin off is strong, but that makes it worse.

Work is making me dyslexic. I can't read properly any more because of their shitty 'friendliness over readability' fonts.

I think the only reason I haven't gone insane is because I've been able to hide from the customers the last couple of days. Literally spending half the day in back areas, loading things, unloading things, keeping people supplied, and tidying up people's messes.

Meant to run DnD tonight, but player drama and shit at work is making me not want to do it.
One player refuses to play with another. Flat-out refuses. They're my best player. The one they hate is only guilty of being a caster, and not showing up a few times.
The third player is nowhere to be seen so far. Session starts in about an hour, and I don't fucking want to do it today.

I can't carry on like this, but I can't be unemployed again. That'll fucking kill me, and I'll lose my car.

I just want to cuddle up to someone and be told it's alright, but I don't trust anyone enough to let my defenses down around them.
Last person I DID trust that much drove me insane with gaslighting.