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Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 03:02:20 No. 5193 [Last 50 Posts]
Confessions thread.
Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 03:11:14 No. 5195
I love the feeling of blood on my hands. Whenever I get cut open or anything, I purposefully get the blood all over my hands. I love the look, I love the feel.
AverageGuy 12/25/14 (Thu) 09:22:08 No. 5201
I'm a pioneer in what i do.
Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 14:30:50 No. 5203
I like the penis
Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 14:35:53 No. 5204
>>5193 Honestly I like the feeling of scars and injuries. They serve a purpose of reminding me how pathetic I am and how I shouldn't be alive in the first place. The last session's scars is gone now and it's fresh to new, deeper ones.
Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 17:31:09 No. 5205
>>5201 I'm doing this too.
The Fargo TV series is a great inspiration.
Anonymous 12/25/14 (Thu) 22:29:35 No. 5222
>>5201 >>5205 Why would you not want to feel good or bad?
So what you want is to be a emotionless person who finds pleasure in nothing and just sits around doing nothing, because there is no trigger to do things?
Are you just going to rot away, rot away in your house, ah i can already imagine it.
It must be glorious feeling even if you don't feel anything. Like that there is just emptiness but you don't want to die.
Maybe you will find a will to live after that and then feel great with this new found energy to do things.
Until you someday die, i wonder how it feels.
Currently Angry Carlos 12/26/14 (Fri) 10:39:56 No. 5233
I have things to say and vent through. So I am not talking to anyone of you. You can feel free to critique this.
I feel angry because a fucking emo kid turned one of my best friends into an enemy in 2012. I don't hate all emos but, that guy was a fucking prick. I just found out that he abused women and made a mockery of them. I am so fucking mad at him that I want to beat his fucking face in until he says sorry for what he did to me and all those women. I am not a white knight but, he is a huge dick that needs to be taught a fucking lesson.
Also, To the girl who would rather listen to a fucking liar than listen to someone who cared about you, If you ever come near me, I will fucking yell and humiliate you in front of a huge crowd.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRZLW-ao5vA
Anonymous 12/26/14 (Fri) 10:59:13 No. 5236
I sabotaged every friendship I've had because I am a terrible person who deserves to be alone.
Nya 12/26/14 (Fri) 18:01:50 No. 5249
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like my mouth is going to start screaming and I'll have no control over it.
AverageGuy 12/26/14 (Fri) 18:28:18 No. 5250
>>5222 There is more to that.
I can still feel everything but only when i want.
Also happyness is an exception, i can always feel it and thus i can follow it.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 00:27:17 No. 5255
>>5250 How can you feel everything, but only when you want?
I just feel empty most of the time, with some happiness sometimes.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 02:26:53 No. 5258
>>5233 As an emo kid I apologize on behalf of my species.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 02:32:40 No. 5259
I can't stop thinking about murder. I see people and randomly imagine hitting them with an ax, cutting their throat, etc.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 03:10:35 No. 5260
Humanity is disgusting and tons of people need to be killed in order to make a better world for the people who deserve it.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 19:23:32 No. 5287
thought broadcasting/hearing voices sucks. all i want to do is stay at home by myself all day but when i do i get so incredibly bored and waste my life away. the worst part is that i think everyone can hear that i would rather be alone than be with them. i feel pathetic and i know they know i feel pathetic. all anyone wants to do is help me out of this hole, but i just want to sit in it.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 19:28:49 No. 5288
>>5260 Reality is a construct of our perception. We are all dying in slow motion, and you will not be noticed until you annoy others by dying.
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 20:59:27 No. 5291
>>5288 I agree but there's people that needs to die as fast as we can
Anonymous 12/27/14 (Sat) 21:01:09 No. 5292
>>5259 My harm OCD started out like this. Just thought it was a random thing until it started picking people I cared about and made me want to die.
Anonymous 12/28/14 (Sun) 05:16:54 No. 5299
Sometimes I just find human beings to be visually disgusting. Like, I'll go from moods of being sexually interested in people, but then I'll go into finding people just disgusting. Their skin, their little body markings, their genitalia. It's all just gross to me.
Anonymous 12/28/14 (Sun) 05:36:56 No. 5300
There is so much wrong with this world, it's irreparable. We are innately broken, masquerading as whole. My life is ultimately pointless, I have no control over any real aspects of my life or this world, and i'm done. I'm kept onto this earth against my own will, I wish I could be more selfish.
Anonymous 12/28/14 (Sun) 06:05:22 No. 5303
>>5299 I'm more like this after I go on a fap fest. Kinda funny, actually.
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 03:25:54 No. 5315
Perhaps this will break the confessions of psychopathy and misanthropy?
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 07:33:37 No. 5325
i get paranoid thoughts from time to time. i started dating this girl and had this episode where i thought i could read her roommates mind and she was thinking "what does she see in him" over and over. i also get the feeling people are watching me or listening in onto my thoughts.
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 09:18:10 No. 5326
>>5325 Are you me? More lately I've been putting myself in violent situations. I've just been so angry, I don't really know why.
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 12:39:58 No. 5328
>>5325 what a joke just an hero right now
(USER AN HEREOD FOR THIS POST)
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 14:09:40 No. 5330
I have seriously considered killing people for fun in the serial killer sort of way
>>5260 agree
Anonymous 12/29/14 (Mon) 19:14:33 No. 5335
>>5260 So who dies first, you?
Kutgebruiker9000 12/30/14 (Tue) 00:17:57 No. 5344
Fuck, I wish fetishes were more accepted by society, it would make my life slightly better..as in, that I could wear diapers 24/7, I just feel better when I am wearing one..
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 00:54:20 No. 5346
>>5195 I love blood too. When I used to selfharm, playing with it made me feel better, more centered, focused. Eventually I started eating it and that became my main purpose for hurting myself. I stopped harming but the draw's still there.
Confession is that I find myself hoping that I'll die. Suicide has always seemed like an inevitability but dying by some accident would take away potential guilt my family and friends could experience. Whenever I drive a car, walk across the street, get in an elevator, or really do anything, I hope there's an accident and I don't make it.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 02:29:38 No. 5352
Whats on my mind…
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 02:37:27 No. 5353
>>5261 >>5260 Oh? "good" and "bad"? Humanity is disgusting? Tell me, is being selfish disgusting? Is doing what ones genetic programming told one to do, disgusting?
What is exactly so disgusting? You see unnecessary pain and suffering as disgusting, no? So who deserves the world, the people with "higher purpose", who follow ethical and moral codes to minimize pain and maximize whatever makes them feel good?
Hell, I say, its all shit. Even you. You're shit. I'm shit. The moral fags, the Hitlers, most of it, is shit. What isn't shit then? Well to me, nothing isn't shit. I say bomb it all to hell.
As a matter of fact, think about it, DOES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD, REALLY MAKE ALL THE PAIN WORTH IT?
Is the net pleasure not negative?
I'm this guy
>>5352 Here is my final thought:
Everything is pain, and pain, is reality. This is good. We must accept the facts as we see them. Why should one be sheltered from reality? From pain? Why does one seek to have a "family"? Because it makes them feel good? Why put someone through so much pain, the pain of life?
I say nuke it all. I'm doing them a favor. They won't ever experience a moment of pain ever again. They will be free, it needs to be an explosion though, to minimize the pain. We can free them. This is my "higher purpose", I'm a massive hypocrite you can say, ACTUALLY NO, my higher purpose is the one and true purpose.
To realize that everything, is pain, in the end all "good" things come to pass, the only thing that is constant in the universe, is emptiness, nothingness, pain. So let us all come back to pain, and stop living in the illusion that we can be happy, because this is even more painful than reality.
The things I posted before, power, explosions, high risk situations, they keep me going so I can do the job, without them I would have offed myself a bit back.
See you all in hell.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 03:09:39 No. 5358
>>5335 It'd be kinda stupid to think that if I thought I wasn't worth of living in that world.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 03:20:13 No. 5359
>>5353 >Tell me, is being selfish disgusting? >what ones genetic programming told one to do People that acts like animals just doing what they're programmed to do and following their incstincts whithout thinking don't deserve to be called or treated as a human being.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 04:28:41 No. 5361
>>5359 >>5360 So human beings should deny their nature, and this makes them superior to their counterparts, because they refuse to indulge themselves?
See, this is part of the problem as well. Look at the self righteous pricks at, lets say, the Vatican, or perhaps the intolerant Muslim who insists that a country have Shariah law.
I say bomb them, as well as those who act purely as "animals".
Well, my mood just changed. The reality is, I've been through so much pain, I've been watching life happen around me I haven't been living. I've been alone my entire life, and whats worse, with people who constantly made me feel alone.
Life to me is suffering, but you know what I enjoy? I like pot. I like explosions. I like drawing sometimes, and poetry. I like these things, they take the edge off the pain. But, is life really worth living anon?
Is life, in the end, worth all this pain? Where are my good times? I've tried making them, and encountered more pain. I was going to be a champion boxer you know, until some shit happened in life. I was a shoe-in for the Ivy League, but then life happened. Most of the time I think, no, its not worth it, and I should work towards ending it, devote myself to ending life in general. But then again who am I to decide if the world goes up in flames, its amazing how easily a pull of a trigger can take away a lifetime of experiences and work. It would be so easy for a stupid slum life black man mugging a physicist on his way to a University in town to speak, pull the trigger, boom, life work gone because of a dumb ass.
I'm tired. I'm gonna go get high in my car and watch trains pass by.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 08:04:01 No. 5365
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>>5260 >people who deserve it Humanity deserves nothing but pain and suffering.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 09:18:36 No. 5366
>>5358 I know, but who can decide who dies and who lives?
Also this
>>5360
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 13:59:57 No. 5372
>>5361 >>5365 I understand your point of view and it makes sense.
I've also been alone my entire life, hated by everyone,constantly getting my ass kicked in my childhood,knowing that everyone around was trying to screw me to have some fun(and they did it tons of times)even one time I was close to lose an eye for those people,recently getting into tons of fights just to feel alive…
And there's only one thing that has kept me alive and It's a desire of justice, you can call it revenge if you want.
All I can really think about is that people who caused me all that pain don't deserve to live, but there's other people that's been in the same situations or worse than me and they also deserve justice.
I think you're one of those Anon, I think you've suffered a lot because of people who are not worth living and that you deserve justice, and they deserve to die.
Anonymous 12/30/14 (Tue) 14:14:02 No. 5373
>>5366 It wouldn't be easy but It's a moral judgement, so in the most evident cases logic would be enough. But in the hard ones we could search advice in wise people or philosophy.
Anonymous 12/31/14 (Wed) 01:08:57 No. 5405
I ended it, and now regret it so much. Think about you all the time, hoping you'll call.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 03:06:52 No. 5428
Thread is probably dead, so here you go empty room.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 04:31:38 No. 5430
I am followed. No, not by another person trying to kill me, not by someone trying to lock me up but by something far more benevolent.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 08:33:02 No. 5434
Although I don't have gender issues or anything I sometimes just want to literally tear myself out of my own body. I have the fundamental feeling that I shouldn't have existed in this life and there was some kind of fuck up in whatever process dictates who 'you' are born as.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 08:36:43 No. 5435
>>5344 what is stopping you from doing that anyway…its not like we all check one anothers underwear 24/7
Kutgebruiker9000 01/01/15 (Thu) 14:10:04 No. 5441
>>5435 Although I want to wear 24/7, I don't want to become incontinent. (yes, it's possible if you wear way too much.)
Besides, I still live at home and I don't wear a lot lately.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 19:57:44 No. 5453
I met the most wonderful person and being unable to live with myself I pushed her away. I lied and fucked myself over and now I regret it.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 20:56:34 No. 5456
When I get angry at someone I feel like eating them.
Anonymous 01/01/15 (Thu) 22:15:05 No. 5457
My emotions are entirely out of whack.
Anonymous 01/02/15 (Fri) 21:55:02 No. 5486
I've finally lost everything I cared in my life.
Anonymous 01/02/15 (Fri) 22:07:08 No. 5487
>>5486 If you have lost literally anything, then you can also do anything.
Go to space or something.
Anonymous 01/03/15 (Sat) 01:46:14 No. 5492
>>5487 Actually it's good to be free to do anything, I'll start doing all shit that I haven't done until now
Anonymous 01/03/15 (Sat) 20:51:12 No. 5522
I'm tired of being alive. Not to the point that I want to an hero, but the mere act of existing seems like such a chore now.
Anonymous 01/03/15 (Sat) 23:27:31 No. 5525
>>5522 Go to some foreign land and see things.
Like i dunno mountains or something.
Kutgebruiker9000 01/04/15 (Sun) 00:19:34 No. 5526
I get my kicks of getting permb& from forums, am I fucked up already? Done this to 15-16 forums already and counting, I may be willing to make a list of those forums..
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 05:45:50 No. 5529
>>5525 >Implying I have any money
ThatFuckingCynic 01/04/15 (Sun) 11:20:43 No. 5547
>>5201 >turn into a psychopath I…don't think that you understand what a psychopath is. It's a diagnoses of how you are born, not how you choose to act.
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 12:18:59 No. 5553
>>5547 Heh, i have a special way of becoming one ;)
My second personality is one, and i'm trying to rejoin with him.
The more i do this, the more i feel like everything bad fades away.
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 22:04:15 No. 5586
>>5193 I kinda want to kill somebody, but don't have a legitimate reason to do so, i work in a workshop and often think about pushing somebody into the blades of the machines they use. Also I think I'm falling in love with my best friend, I Think that the only thing keeping me from going insane is him and the fact that I haven't killed anybody yet.
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 22:45:14 No. 5587
>>5586 What if someone pushed you to the blades or what if your best friend would die?
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 22:49:16 No. 5589
>>5587 Wouldn't really mind dying to be honest, also don't want to die, what happens, happens y'know? I have thought about the event that my friend would die, and i think I'd kill myself, but perhabs I would go on a killing spree first, then get caught by police, and kill myself as they arive, not really sure, but that is what i imagine I would do
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 23:12:27 No. 5592
>>5589 So if your friend died, you would be drink a nice cup of milk and relax.
Why would you kill others before killing yourself, i don't understand that.
Anonymous 01/04/15 (Sun) 23:32:45 No. 5593
>>5592 Wait what?
Is there a filter, because i'm sure that i didn't write >drink a nice cup of milk and relax
in there.
If it's not a filter, what happened to me?
Anonymous 01/05/15 (Mon) 00:24:18 No. 5597
>>5456 I've been obsessed with the idea of eating people on and off for the last 10-ish years. The ones where it starts as anger, I think it's a desire to destroy them, to dominate them so completely that you consume their body. and by extension, everything that they are. The ones where I wasn't angry, it was fear of losing them or fear of abandonment where I wanted to keep them with me and skip any potential rejection or emotional pain by taking them physically and making them a part of me.
I can't say whether these have any truth for you but I've spent a lot of time thinking about why I wanted to eat them. I still want to eat someone but it's no one specific right now.
Anonymous 01/06/15 (Tue) 20:57:07 No. 5717
I can get everyone to like me but when I get to a certain point I push them away by hurting them emotionally. I don't want others to know the "real" me, how I actually feel because it doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about me.
Anonymous 01/06/15 (Tue) 21:31:20 No. 5720
I'm considering ending my current relationship because she deserves someone way better than me, someone that's not dumb as shit and doesn't suffer a mental illness. Continuing a relationship with her would totally destroy her and I don't want that.
Anonymous 01/06/15 (Tue) 21:33:45 No. 5721
>>5717 You are going to break at some point.
What if instead of manipulating others you change yourself and try not to be "an asshole"?
Anonymous 01/07/15 (Wed) 09:12:19 No. 5764
>>5721 I did break recently, I met a person that goes against everything I thought about other people and humanity. She crushed every ideal I held about people and I am trying to "fix" myself, whatever that means.
Or I might be blinded by love and affection but whatever works to change me. I don't like the person I am right now.
There's still hope.
Anonymous 01/09/15 (Fri) 08:20:15 No. 5788
>>5764 Yes, there is still hope.
Good luck anon.
Anonymous 01/11/15 (Sun) 17:52:49 No. 5930
>>5788 It's over man, there is no hope. This is where it ends.
Anonymous 01/11/15 (Sun) 21:10:46 No. 5947
>>5930 No man, don't give up.
Improve yourself, it's not going to be easy in anyway but you can do it.
Anonymous 01/11/15 (Sun) 21:45:37 No. 5950
I haven't left the house for probably half a year now. want to get a job but its probably impossible because the thought of going to work and meeting people is devastating, don't have a car or a license. To make it worse I live in the worst part of the country I don't even consider the people here human, I don't even come from here, this isn't even my hometown. I'd leave this place right away if it weren't for the fact that I was jobless and broke.
Anonymous 01/19/15 (Mon) 04:14:43 No. 6321
I'm a 22 year old male and I cried several times at Code Geass. My point being, I'm easily touched and not an edgy teen. This is not my natural behavior.
Anonymous 01/19/15 (Mon) 05:13:39 No. 6323
I just started talking to myself about my child abuse and burst into tears. I'm two years removed from it and it still hurts a lot.
Anonymous 01/19/15 (Mon) 05:14:18 No. 6324
>>5346 Is eating blood fun? I might have to start.
Anonymous 01/19/15 (Mon) 09:21:47 No. 6327
>>6324 no. You puke if you do that too much. It is bit salty. I had my noose bleed pretty much everyday so I kinda enjoy seeing blood.
Anonymous 01/19/15 (Mon) 13:48:55 No. 6344
I have acne that hurts quite a bit, it makes me want to cut off parts of my face.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 04:44:33 No. 6464
>>6344 >cut off parts of my face Been there, done that.
I had a boil on my face and peeled part of it off w/ sterilized nail clippers. I now have a permanent scar on my face where it was.
Lesson of the story: don't self-mutilate.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 11:07:12 No. 6485
I used to have violent fantasies to myself when I'd imagine starting a fight with a stranger and end up disembowelling him in public. Those thoughts went away for a time when I met a really nice girl and I thought things were going to go well, but I ended up 'sperging out and felt very depressed afterwards.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 17:34:36 No. 6500
>>6485 Life has it's ups and downs, but when you feel happy after a long time it sure feels great.
We all have your own problems and you really can't compare them that much, because we are different people and feel in different ways.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 17:45:46 No. 6502
>>6500 Yeah, I suppose that is one way of putting it. Perhaps I just never knew that the downs of life would be quite that bad and last that long. And it does feel damn good to actually be glad to be alive, considering that I almost tried to give it up.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 18:21:00 No. 6504
I'm an inferior person and others need to learn that it's not going to change.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 21:02:03 No. 6506
>>6502 Never give up anon, because right now you are experiencing the feeling of not giving up and succeeding.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 22:41:59 No. 6507
>>6506 Thanks, man. I'm already feeling more optimistic now.
Anonymous 01/22/15 (Thu) 22:44:55 No. 6508
I cant wait for the next guy to pick with me, I hold in all my anger until i find another aggressive person to take it out on
Anonymous 01/23/15 (Fri) 00:06:29 No. 6513
>>6507 Really, that's great.
Dunno if these give you more motivation to do things, but it can't hurt to check.
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheMiro0r/videos
Anonymous 01/23/15 (Fri) 01:47:06 No. 6519
I just told my only friend that I haven't spoken to in a year that I have schizphrenia. He says that he already figured that out and that he finds it pretty interesting. I don't know how to feel about this.
Anonymous 01/23/15 (Fri) 05:25:28 No. 6530
I haven't self harmed in like a month but I have the urge right now and it's really hard to fight off.
Anonymous 01/24/15 (Sat) 23:36:11 No. 6628
I've been struggling with depression for years, but in the past month or so it feels like it got turned up to 11. I don't find joy in anything, I'm super irritable, and I constantly have this sinking feeling in my gut like something is wrong, but I don't know what. Today, for the first time in months, I seriously thought about killing myself. And the worst part is I don't even know what to do. My shitty councilor wouldn't have anything to say, I saw him just yesterday. Plus I'm already on a bunch of meds. And I can't see my doctor till at least Monday, if not later. AND the last thing that I want is to locked in some mental ward and treated like a misbehaving child by the doctors there. I don't know what to do. I don't want to die, but I don't want to feel like this either.
Anonymous 01/25/15 (Sun) 08:34:04 No. 6639
The worst thing is not the present time, or present issues really.
Anonymous 01/25/15 (Sun) 11:47:24 No. 6643
>>5193 I just edged for like 9 hours to sissy porn and now my balls hurt
Anonymous SAGE! 01/25/15 (Sun) 15:46:12 No. 6650
>>6643 Jesus christ OW. Just like cum already that can't be healthy.
How big was the load?
Anonymous 01/25/15 (Sun) 19:57:46 No. 6655
>>6643 That takes me back to when I was 14. Good times… good times.
Anonymous 01/26/15 (Mon) 22:35:09 No. 6694
>>6655 When I was 14 I could have 5 orgasms within 30 minutes, was fucking crazy. Now I just get tired and sapped of energy.
Anonymous 01/26/15 (Mon) 23:54:26 No. 6695
>>6694 I'm usually so depressed nowadays I can't even get a full erection
Anonymous 01/27/15 (Tue) 07:17:03 No. 6704
Well, I'm dating a girl and some more than a week ago I told her what I felt for her, and on Saturday she did the same.
Anonymous 01/27/15 (Tue) 10:09:31 No. 6711
I'm a mixed bag of health issues and, I'd never admit it, but the only one I really care about fixing is IBS because painful once a month shitting is fucking awful. It's not that I particularly like the other shit, I don't like it at all, I just don't really have a burning desire to go and do anything about it.
>>5260 Even though you're right, killing is wrong. The people who need to be purged the most are the ones aggressing in the first place. If we'd just use self defense properly, the world would be a wonderful place. I know it's been said a million times but, peace and love dude, peace and love. Even if you have to force yourself to make peace and spread love, doing it will make the lives of everyone involved a little better.
>>5594 dem filters.
I like dem filters.
Anonymous 01/27/15 (Tue) 14:44:05 No. 6717
>>6704 UPDATE, anon here
my anxietis just revealed themselves true, and I am in the middle of an anxiety attack since 1h and 40 minutes.
Oh, I don't have nothing like Xanax at home, so if some brave anon could help to cope with anxiety I'd appreciate it.
Thanks
Anonymous 01/27/15 (Tue) 15:16:47 No. 6719
I don't care about anything anymore, I play games I'm bored with and watch movies all the time to make time pass quicker, just waiting to die, I have no dreams and no aspirations for life. I feel like staying in bed all day everyday and sleep till I'll finally stop existing. I feel like my friends are starting to alienate me, and honestly I understand why they would. I'm not gonna commit suicide, since it probably would sadden my family, and the one friend i still feel connected to.
Anonymous 01/28/15 (Wed) 08:52:47 No. 6746
>>6717 How would one do this over the internet?
Anonymous 01/28/15 (Wed) 14:46:07 No. 6752
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play. I've always been kind of unstable, in a pathetic way. I mean, I've never harmed animals, I love them. I don't have the typical traits of a serial killer, I don't think.
Anonymous 01/28/15 (Wed) 17:39:58 No. 6758
>>6752 Find someone who deserves you instead. "Kidnap" them. Maybe
they won't fuck you over.
Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 16:29:00 No. 6802
>>6650 I have pois-like symptoms. Cumming makes me physically ill, at least if it's from fapping.
Multiple times I edged for 6-12 hours per day for 2 weeks straight. That's almost the only times I have successfully pulled of nofap, after those 2 weeks I flatline and I can stop and be free lol.
Load was quite big, came all over my chest.
Anyways yeah, if you edge for to long it's bad for your prostate. Once I had such bad prostate pain after accidentally cumming after edging for a week I almost passed out.
>>6694 I ended up coming thrice, then got up to wash hands. Sat down again and came 4 times again. Over the last year I have somehow aquired the ability to keep on fapping with zero rest period, I can literally just keep stroking it without losing my boner and cum again and again.
Anyways after cumming 7 times on monday I've had really bad fatigue, no motivation, joint pain, and worst of all really bad anxiety and panic, couldn't even leave my house until now 3 days later. It's weird because when I have sex with a real girl I don't get this at all, It just makes me calm and mellow, and confident.
Anonymous 01/29/15 (Thu) 23:46:59 No. 6808
>>5193 There is a girl in my german class I want to have sex with and switch lives with.
Anonymous 01/30/15 (Fri) 04:31:16 No. 6822
I want to know what it feels like to kill someone. Physically and mentally. I also want to know how the human body works on the inside from a visual perspective.
Anonymous 01/30/15 (Fri) 08:38:41 No. 6830
>>6822 That surely would be interesting to know, but i think that it won't be anything special or spectacular.
It of course depends how you see things and are you "normal".
Anonymous 01/30/15 (Fri) 09:03:28 No. 6831
>>6808 Man I feel you. In high school I wanted to bone my german teacher.
If she were fourty years younger I would have put a ring on her finger.
Anonymous 01/30/15 (Fri) 17:54:49 No. 6860
Stealing things keeps me from getting into any interpersonal relationships. I've never had any close friends, a girlfriend, or been very close to my parents, because I never do anything for these people but take things from them and crack a joke every now and then. Nothing but taking things seems to make me feel happy. I want to be loved, and to love in return, but everybody thinks I'm just a burden on them and on society, which is true. I tend not to be impulsive in everything else (No drugs, not easily distracted, think before I speak, etc.), but one moment I'll be standing next to a person at the laundromat, and the next, as I'm walking away, I'll realize I have several coins in my hand that weren't there before. Though I do actually plan and intentionally carry out any larger heists, for the most part, things just tend to stick to me. I can't even seek out medical help, because then I'd get into trouble with the law, especially after they learned about some of the larger hauls I've pulled.
Anonymous 02/02/15 (Mon) 01:54:31 No. 7234
>tfw ever since I got my Toughbook I have fantasies of hittng someone to death or injure with it
Anonymous 02/02/15 (Mon) 02:27:36 No. 7240
>>6860 >That vast empty space. What happened to your post?
Also, Tl;dr
Anonymous 02/02/15 (Mon) 02:56:13 No. 7241
Decided I might as well make a post since I'm here.
Anonymous 02/02/15 (Mon) 08:42:57 No. 7251
>>7241 I'm curious about killing as well. I think it might be one of those things you need to try once to get it out of your system. When I was a kid, I always wanted to drink alcohol. I would dream about the stuff. When I bought some rum on my 21st birthday (i wuz a good boy, i dindu nuffin wrong), I almost spit it out. Never felt like touching a drink ever again.
It's unfortunate that there's no exposure therapy for the urge to kill. Like a volunteer executioner, maybe. I would do it >FOR FREE
Anonymous 02/02/15 (Mon) 19:45:34 No. 7271
I love you, and it saddens me that you are not living up to your fullest. I wish I could be more of a help along your journey, but I am unable to do so at current.
Anonymous 02/03/15 (Tue) 14:19:57 No. 7290
I hate the fact that I can't trust my mind. And it's weird because it's basically my mind not trusting my own mind so I don't know if I should trust the mind not trusting itself.
Anonymous 02/03/15 (Tue) 17:42:37 No. 7292
Fuck it. Might as well say it somewhere.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 04:19:15 No. 7391
File: 1423196355148.jpg (Spoiler Image, 1.18 MB, 1536x2048, 3:4, IMG_20150205_203648.jpg )
I've started keeping a diary in an attempt to stop bottling all the shit in my head up. It has one of those magnet-clasp fronts so it really securely shuts and this is the inside cover of it. Basically feeding my addiction by having these fucking things next to the place I vent my insanity but I'm too far gone to give a shit anymore.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 05:30:53 No. 7394
I'm so tired of being alone I cant take it any more. No matter what I do I always fail, friends family school everything. I always end up alone. I'm starting to wonder if I'm in hell, I don't know how much longer I can last.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 05:45:45 No. 7396
>>7391 >pic related is literally edgy Though I hope the diary helps relieve some stress.
inb4 fear of people reading it makes things worse.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 13:06:00 No. 7404
I lie to my psychiatrist all the time. Everytime I start to talk about anything bit out of the ordinary "boohoo Im sad!" shit, she starts to overreact.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 14:12:04 No. 7407
>>7396 I literally never leave home without it. If I gotta leave my house while people are home I tuck it under my shirt due to strict paranoia.
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 17:44:55 No. 7408
>>7404 this is why i dont want to go to a psychiatrist again
i want to finally be truthful and actually make some progress and just get it all out there. but i know they'll over react and probably send me to another mental institution and i aint havin that
Anonymous 02/06/15 (Fri) 17:55:37 No. 7409
when i was younger i would usually go to my mom's friend's house with her because they also had a son a bit older than me so we would play and stuff, and i remember when we were on our way home she always told me and my sister to not tell our dad that we went there
Anonymous 02/07/15 (Sat) 03:16:00 No. 7419
I can't feel emotions like others. I always think I love someone, but in reality, I can't stand them.
Anonymous 02/07/15 (Sat) 03:59:16 No. 7421
So my first psychotic episode broke out in 2010.
Anonymous 02/08/15 (Sun) 04:51:04 No. 7450
>>5346 >am this person >>6324 Not really "fun" more like makes me feel strong mentally and there's something about the smell/taste/texture/color that I find incredibly attractive. Maybe it's partly a fetish, I'm not sure, but I find it addictive. Playing with blood clots is fun.
>>6327 It's not really healthy at all and most people do puke after they ingest a few ounces because it's an ingrained response but I've never puked or felt nauseated regardless of how much I ate. I'd like to test that limit but don't have realistic access to enough to try it. As fucked as it is, the idea of drinking enough to puke and then playing with the puked-up blood seems like a good time.
Anonymous 02/09/15 (Mon) 11:32:52 No. 7477
I've emotionally hurt lots of people that trusted me, now that's a lesson they won't forget, at the end I've done them a favor.
Anonymous 02/09/15 (Mon) 11:40:17 No. 7478
>>7477 I do it because I don't care about them, but I find the sensations and reactions interesting.
For example, the other day at a disco, I found a cellphone on the floor and took it, then a girl frenetically looking for it, I "helped" her in the search and talked with her for a good hour, until she liked me.
She was from a different country and will be leaving in a couple days.
As soon as she does so, I'm gonna message her saying it was me who found her phone.
Anonymous 02/09/15 (Mon) 20:01:35 No. 7481
>>7478 So you get your kicks by ruining someone's day and causing trouble to other people?
Anonymous 02/10/15 (Tue) 00:23:17 No. 7484
>>7481 You could say so, but it's not doing it what I like, it's the reactions and sentiments it creates.
You learn a lot about the human mind.
Today I blackmailed some guy, I can't say much more to make sure I don't ruin the surprise. It's a pity because it's a very interesting situation.
Anonymous 02/10/15 (Tue) 00:47:15 No. 7485
>>7484 Oh it is interesting to see how different people feel and react to things, but for me that feels a bit "wrong".
Even tough i'm a bit of a sadist, especially if i'm watching movies or series.
Anonymous 02/10/15 (Tue) 11:44:31 No. 7495
>>7485 Yes, it is interesting, but I don't like them being hurt, I understand that it's bad, I just don't care too much.
Anonymous 02/10/15 (Tue) 16:35:17 No. 7502
>>7495 Have you really tought about it or did you not just care?
Anonymous 02/10/15 (Tue) 18:21:42 No. 7506
>>7502 What do you mean exactly?
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 00:38:16 No. 7522
>>7506 Like have you really tought what you are doing and the consequenses of your actions?
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 03:07:20 No. 7526
I feel nostalgic for periods of time I wasn't even alive in yet and periods of time that didn't actually occur. I'm really nostalgic for the 80s and the Future that we saw depicted in Back to the Future 2. I am so fucking pissed off that we don't have hoverboards yet or flying cars. I feel so fucking angry at scientists and society for not going in a certain direction. In history class I get pissed off if a certain country looses. My concept of time is very odd.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 06:46:58 No. 7530
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 06:49:51 No. 7531
>>7522 so much but can never execute
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 09:51:07 No. 7542
>>7522 Yes, of course, I like guessing the consequences and then seeing how accurate they were.
The blackmail guy has fallen into some depression, btw.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 11:52:04 No. 7543
>>7542 Even tough i enjoy it in my mind that some person is suffering, it is still "wrong" in my books.
It is interesting to see people like you who like to ruin someones life.
Of all the possibly great things he could do, he now can't.
I wonder if he will stand up and try to get his life back on track.
What if he would somehow blackmail you?
Maybe he will die or maybe he will stand up and change things.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 12:13:02 No. 7544
>>7543 Or maybe he's plotting to kill the guy who blackmailed him.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 12:17:52 No. 7545
>>7544 Maybe, then he would be free from the blackmail.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 16:06:15 No. 7549
>>7543 >>7544 >>7545 I'm not stupid, I don't take any risk, if there were chances of a negative outcome I wouldn't do it.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 16:12:34 No. 7550
>>7543 >people like you who like to ruin someone's life again, that's not true, I just find it interesting, I also find interesting accompanying terminal or suicidal people, but that doesn't make me a good person.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 18:10:41 No. 7552
>>7550 If you blackmail someone then you are ruining that persons life.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 20:23:03 No. 7553
>>7552 Yes, but I don't do it because it's fun.
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 20:44:42 No. 7554
>>7553 I can understand the accompanying someone with terminal ilness or suicidal people, but just ruining someones life is stupid.
But that's just me
Anonymous 02/11/15 (Wed) 20:59:22 No. 7555
>>7554 I understand, but I find both experiences equally interesting.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 11:14:16 No. 7592
I am a 25yo male. I lost my job recently. I walked out on it with tears streaming down my face and everyone grinning, because some Mexican girl pinned me to the line and pressed her pelvis to mine. I had been working there for like two months and I guess because I didn't hit on anybody? I don't know why that made me feel so bad I had to cry
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 18:34:25 No. 7596
>>7592 What? Are you saying that you were fired for harassment?
And you won't even refer to yourself as a man?
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 21:42:58 No. 7600
>7596 >male
Anonymous SAGE! 02/12/15 (Thu) 23:19:24 No. 7603
>>7600 Well, have fun being a manchild, I guess…
Anonymous 02/13/15 (Fri) 07:39:00 No. 7610
My philosophy is that friends don't stop you from committing suicide. Friends commit suicide with you.
Anonymous 02/13/15 (Fri) 13:22:19 No. 7616
I had a rape dream last night. It was with a girl I sort of like, and I can't take it.
Anonymous 02/14/15 (Sat) 01:20:48 No. 7631
>>7603 >mate behind closed doors like it's some secret >walk around in public with your clothes back on like you're people Have fun being a hypocrite. No but seriously I'll get some cash out and hit the bar tomorrow, see if I can get over this fear of being killed. Honestly that is what is stopping me from trusting a stranger, the fact that people really are murderers.
Anonymous 02/14/15 (Sat) 20:54:25 No. 7657
hello fbi
Anonymous 02/14/15 (Sat) 22:16:25 No. 7659
>>7657 I never thought of that. Fuck.
Anonymous 02/14/15 (Sat) 23:12:58 No. 7660
>>7659 Relax, a confession alone means nothing without evidence. You could go to the police station and say you've killed someone and they wouldn't even investigate it unless you also provided a name and a convincing story.
Anonymous 02/15/15 (Sun) 02:34:39 No. 7668
I want to die a hero, to die with some sort of meaning. I want to have an impact in some way. I want to resonate with people. I want people to look back on me and say "Holy shit, that was one cool motherfucker."
Anonymous 02/15/15 (Sun) 05:01:34 No. 7678
>>7668 I've been having this kind of fantasies too…
Anonymous 02/15/15 (Sun) 20:34:18 No. 7697
File: 1424032458766.png (441.88 KB, 1280x721, 1280:721, sometimes i feel like this.png )
>>7668 If you really want to be a hero, what is stopping you?
If you really want to do something then go and do it, it's not going to be easy tough. If it were, everyone would have done it.
Here is a person from an anime who wanted to be a hero of justice.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 10:15:02 No. 7715
>>5453 This feeling. This fucking feeling right here.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 19:19:09 No. 7725
I have always felt horrible and depressed but ever since November it's been tough to sleep and I can't stop shaking.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 19:56:09 No. 7727
>>7725 I think you should call someone to take care of you. You need to eat and sleep normally. Milk is usually very good for me when I'm like this- fat, protein and a bit of sugar too. All stuff you need, and it is usually very agreeable.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 20:54:23 No. 7731
Anonymous 02/18/15 (Wed) 01:24:26 No. 7733
I used to not care about being alone and now I think I'm being consumed by it.
Anonymous 02/18/15 (Wed) 02:18:23 No. 7734
>>7697 I think I might have issues with self confidence. In any sort of leadership position, I know the amount of responsibility would consume me, and I'd just choke up. Believe me, it has before.
I'm working on improving myself in any way I can, but i just can't bring myself to be the confident type of person, even though I want to very much.
I guess I'm just afraid of the consequences, what might go wrong. Every opportunity that might rise I'm too afraid to take. I'm sure I must sound like a weakling right now, a coward. Well, that's because I am.
TL:DR: Fear is stopping me.
Anonymous 02/18/15 (Wed) 09:02:20 No. 7741
>>7734 Fear is an illusion, it's not real.
Also are you afraid of failing?
Failing and being a failure are two different things.
Most people seem to be so obsessed with not making mistakes that it's almost funny, if you make a mistake you fix it and then learn from it.
If YOU never take a step, you also won't get anywhere.
It seems you need someone to kick you going, so take the step and go forward.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 01:48:12 No. 7800
>>5201 I'm doing the same damn thing lmao. I haven't felt bad for more than a minute in a very long time unless you count being physically sick.
>>5259 I think about violence pretty much any time music comes on.
>>5260 But fellow bipolarfag, which types? Don't go all violent hero on us and say all the outcasts should be murdered.
>>5486 I understand your feelings anon. When i become powerful, i dont know whether or not Ill do good or bad. I switch back and forth.
>>6321 War is going to happen bro. Maybe I'll meet you there. Ill sure join if things spark up and they let me in.
Anyway, bipolarfag here. I think about violence constantly, and even came really close to starting a fight club. I can still do it if i want, i just need to get healthcare first and im in a bit of a rut. Too lazy to do shit. Also, ive started creating a religion with one of my coworkers. Shes willing to work on it, but i think she thinks its going to be for fun entertainment. At first it probably will be, but once its finished im going to use the outline to construct a "true" religion and maybe start a cult. Maybe ingrain my fight club thing into this cult. Matter of fact, im going to work on the religion thing after i post this.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 09:03:36 No. 7809
I'm bored.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 18:00:23 No. 7814
>>7809 Dude, boredom kills.
THere was a document that i saw sometime ago that was about boredom.
People were so bored that they just watched a man standing in the street.
Think hard that is there anything you want to do?
If answer is yes then go and do it, i mean is THERE really something that is stopping you from doing it?
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 18:45:39 No. 7816
So, I didn't know where else to post this, so…
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 19:22:10 No. 7817
>>7816 Don't worry.
People have all kind of weird sounding fantasies. They just don't usually talk about them in real life, which is why they feel weird.
They are just fantasies, have fun with them.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 20:06:53 No. 7818
>>7816 Congratulations of finding a fetish.
You might want to check some MtF transformation things out.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 20:12:41 No. 7819
>>7814 Lack of money, lack of equipment, fear, laziness.
I'm getting around to it though.
>>7816 I recommend a healthy dose of female pov porn.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 20:42:05 No. 7820
>>7819 Well laziness and fear are easiset, also fear kills dreams.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 20:44:20 No. 7821
>>7816 You clearly haven't played Corruption of Champions.
Check it out, it's a free text based game.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 23:16:36 No. 7825
>>7817 Thanks for the advice, anon. really helps.
Anonymous 02/20/15 (Fri) 00:21:10 No. 7826
>>7825 I can say that your fetish isn't even that wierd.
Anonymous 02/20/15 (Fri) 01:25:02 No. 7829
I lost my virginity at 13 with my 10 y.o cousin and now im a pedophile who has urges for little girls with short hair.
Anonymous 02/20/15 (Fri) 09:51:56 No. 7835
>>7829 I wish i could say that "if you feel like getting help, go talk to someone", but i don't think that there are any places where pedo can go ask for help without being thrown in jail or something.
Anonymous 02/21/15 (Sat) 12:30:21 No. 7853
Damit i think i'm a hebe.
Anonymous 02/21/15 (Sat) 12:43:34 No. 7854
>>7853 If you mean that you're attracted to teenage girls, relax, most men are.
Anonymous 02/21/15 (Sat) 13:01:27 No. 7856
>>7854 Yeah but it's like 11-14 and up.
Why boner and why me.
Anonymous 02/21/15 (Sat) 13:35:06 No. 7858
Around age 13-14 my mind stopped maturing and I've been stuck in childlike behavior forever. I'm basically an aging teenager.
Anonymous 02/22/15 (Sun) 09:41:42 No. 7877
>>7856 It's not that bad, and I know your feel.
>>7858 Also know this feel. Some part of my mind is completely fucked, where no matter how old I get, I feel like I'm mentally stuck in freshman year of high school. It's all confusing and terrifying, and I'm constantly dependent on others.
Anonymous SAGE! 02/22/15 (Sun) 09:51:29 No. 7878
I was watching City Of God with my gf when it got to a scene where a gangster rapes some chick. You don't even see her nekkid just hear the screams and pleading for help. I instantly got a boner.
Anonymous 02/22/15 (Sun) 16:03:45 No. 7879
>>7877 I guess i just have to accept and deal with it that i like girls in that age group too.
Anonymous 02/23/15 (Mon) 04:33:26 No. 7889
My father died when I was 10 (I'm 15, nearly 16 now) and since that time I have completely socially deteriorated - I've tried to befriend people and appear normal, but to no avail; every single time I think I can trust someone they backstab me. On top of that, I seem to procrastinate really fucking easily and I can't find any motivation anymore. I've tried politics, race, interests and religion, yet none can give me the sympathy I need. I find often that the only place I can be even vaguely competent is the internet; if something is irritating me I can leave it, whereas in social interaction at school - the only sort I regularly encounter - my reactions lead to my further exile from social groups. There's no constant, no stability - everything is changing, everything is different; earlier this year I gave up on trying to be normal politically and went full /pol/ which has isolated me from those few friends I once had. I'm overweight; whilst I motivated myself (somehow) to change this I was still mocked for it; this has been the case for years in that any time I work towards an interest or a goal - vidya, history, politics, religion, science et cetera - it has been mocked and insulted; partly due to the fact that I become obsessed with these things. In many ways I want to continue my existence as an observer, someone who watches history and the world unfold, who accumulates knowledge, yet even as I am, this knowledge depresses me. Living in Britain (as a native) has exposed me to great political trauma; I no longer feel safe or certain in my own racial homeland; our parties our divided, our spirits are broken. It is hopeless; we have lost.
Anonymous 02/23/15 (Mon) 15:51:57 No. 7896
>>7889 go on a killing spree or something, become part of history.
Anonymous 02/23/15 (Mon) 16:54:50 No. 7897
>>7896 >killing others for no good reason >being remembered as a giantic shit stain Rather than that just an hero or stand up and play games if you want to play them.
Why should you care if someone mocks you of what you like?
If you try to change, why should you care if someone says you will never get anything done.
If you give up then you surely won't get anything done.
Anonymous 02/24/15 (Tue) 13:18:49 No. 7919
>>7897 It would depend on who you kill
Anonymous 02/24/15 (Tue) 13:42:50 No. 7920
>>7919 Well yes, but assuming that the person would just go to a mindless rampage would mean that he/she would be remembered as a shit.
If you go kill some great leader darkbad and now cause war as result then it would be good thing.
Anonymous 02/28/15 (Sat) 22:42:25 No. 8050
It's been almost a year, and I'm still thinking my psyche nurse everyday.I'm starting to cry again
Anonymous 03/10/15 (Tue) 08:40:25 No. 8255
It's been a little over two and a half years and I still think about my ex every day. I've told anyone who cared that I was over her and it's all in the past but, hey.When will it stop?
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 13:38:09 No. 8510
I was heavily abused as a child, I have killed 2 hamsters and a dog, I have 9/10 potential serial killer traits, I think of mass murder on a daily basis, I'm a lonely virgin with little hope left, I feel close to carrying out my plans…
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 14:40:29 No. 8513
>>8510 Your parents seem like ass, but i would advice not to do a genocide or something.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 14:50:48 No. 8515
>>8513 Or, or, ooooooorr. Do a really big genocide.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 16:20:52 No. 8516
>>8513 When I say parents I mean foster carers.
My real parents were the abusers. Still, it's happening.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 17:21:15 No. 8517
>>8516 Well they still suck if they don't listen to you when you have hard time.
Also why kill others for no reason, i don't get it.
To me it is stupid to kill someone just because someone feels like shit and that feeling of shittyness will most likely increase.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 18:53:41 No. 8519
>>8517 >no reason Because I'm lonely and will never get a girlfriend, because everyone doubts my sincerity of doing something like this, because they put me down, because my mind is very tortured and because I hate myself for it all.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 19:30:21 No. 8520
>>8519 >lonely Can't really say anything to that, because i like being alone.
>no gf Well you are not alone
Can you do something that they won't put you down?
What have you done that you hate yourself?
Well mostly i can't really say anything about this, because i have never felt this way.
I still don't feel like that is reason enough to just go and kill some random people. I think that it is weakness.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 21:10:32 No. 8523
>>8520 I don't mean to be a cunt, but if you weren't abused physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually by one of your parents and had the other physically, verbally and emotionally abuse you and other abuse on top of that, gone into a care home where you're spoken down to for talking about your emotions, having society feel "those who are quiet start a riot", "KEEP AWAY!"
To be abused and then to be given the cold shoulder. I have to open peoples eyes to this injustice.
More needs to be done about those who are depressed and lonely. More awareness is much needed.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 21:21:28 No. 8526
>>8515 Plague Inc.
__
I'm almost too demotivated to write this post. Honestly, I'm almost always too demotivated to do any sort of shit I should do, college stuff as well as taking care for myself or others. I hate /mental/ and articles about people with mental problems because reading all that sad and often angry stuff makes me feel like never being happy again, not sure if it's some weird kind of triggering.
Normal life and social interaction often seem unnecessary to me, but maybe it's just because at almost twenty, I'm still unable to even have long-term normal friendships because I eventually start getting annoying and tell people stuff they're not interested in, over and over again. So I troll around the interwebz most of the day and often only leave the house to go to college, to buy stuff or to work on my motorcycles, just to return here until around 4 am.
Telling everything what's currently in my mind would be way too much to write with my smartphone, so these standard teenager problems have to do it for the moment. Sometimes I just hate it.
The use of German words is unintended and a mistake of my smartphone keyboard.
Confessions thread is dead, long live the confessions thread. Maybe I misunderstood its real meaning.
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 21:31:24 No. 8527
>>8523 You are right, i don't know and really can't say anything about it because that has not happened to me.
So because of that i'm saying what i think is the right thing.
Everyone has their own problems and no one else can REALLY understand them or feel "the same way" as someone else.
All i can offer is my own view of things, but in the end if someone decides to do something it's up to him alone and he makes that decision.
Yes people are suffering everywhere in the world and what can we do about it? Like really do and change things so that no one would have to live a shit life anymore?
Anonymous 03/17/15 (Tue) 21:59:47 No. 8528
>>8527 People in third world countries might have no food or clean water, they might not have a proper bed. But despite not only being ignorant and not really knowing how good we have it by contrast, at least they have togetherness.
And I know there are some people also being abused in the third world, and I say welcome to the club…
Sometimes I feel like doing the right thing, walking for charity to raise money and awareness. But I don't really see the point in any much shit. Doing something like this…
People are scum and I want people to know and understand. You have to be a prime example to open peoples eyes. Let them see themselves.
Anonymous 03/19/15 (Thu) 10:55:49 No. 8566
>>7421 Go hit on some guys. See if it matters.
Anonymous 03/19/15 (Thu) 11:18:39 No. 8567
>>8528 Saw a therapist yesterday. Had little to no homicidal thoughts after. Was nice
Anonymous 03/20/15 (Fri) 13:36:55 No. 8601
>>8567 And now Friday. The thoughts are back this time justifying why killing people would be the right thing to do.
I'm getting agitated at memories such as this one time my whole street conspired against me because some kid claimed a hammer that was mine was his, how I never had father/son moments with my foster dad, not much support from my foster parents, my foster dads cheating… How I told my foster mum I want to move to Manchester but she says I'll still be lonely no matter where I go. Despite the opportunities there. Fucking domineering bitch.
Loneliness, lack of acceptance, being abused as a child, no sense of direction, being apathetic since I was 5…
All the memories have come back to haunt me. And I suffer alone.
Anonymous 03/20/15 (Fri) 14:15:36 No. 8603
>>8601 Can you call to your therapist or someone else who knows or understands your problem or that?
Anonymous 03/20/15 (Fri) 15:32:17 No. 8604
>>8603 I don't know. My therapist, psychiatrist and psychologist are meeting Tuesday to discuss what therapy would be right for me.
My foster mum claims I don't need therapy. Top kek
Anonymous 03/20/15 (Fri) 15:39:58 No. 8605
>>8604 Well your foster mum a stupid.
Anonymous 03/27/15 (Fri) 14:56:47 No. 8749
Im ashmed of my "morbid curiosity".
Anonymous 03/28/15 (Sat) 23:33:57 No. 8772
>>5193 I might literally never get over this girl and the worst part is I can't even be mad at her because even though we're over she's still really supportive of me.
Anonymous 03/29/15 (Sun) 00:10:37 No. 8776
I'm a disappoint to them all, the looks they give me every time I walk in the room., I can just tell. I'm amazed that they've put up with my shit thus far, I'm baffled by the people who still call me friend no matter how much of a dipshit I am to them so that they can finally be free of me. Why must they continue to lie to my face. The shame they must feel knowing that I'm connected to them, knowing that I've completely fucked away any chance at a better life for myself. To constantly be told that its not the end, that you can still do it when I've done nothing but tried and failed countless times over. And now I fear I'm running out of doors to open. That each gateway is one step closer to my demise. I wonder if they'll secretly be relieved that I'm no longer with them, so they can be free of my burden.
Anonymous 03/29/15 (Sun) 23:10:10 No. 8798
Nothing I can say or do or think feels really true.
Anonymous 03/30/15 (Mon) 17:20:59 No. 8825
I just want to be locked in an mental ward forever so no one has to deal with me anymore.
Anonymous 04/03/15 (Fri) 20:32:41 No. 8907
>>8510 I was also heavily abused as a child, have killed animals, have 9/10 potential serial killer traits, have several diagnosed mental disorders, think about killing people constantly, and have often felt close to doing it.
If you act like it's an inevitability, it will be. If you act like your future is what you make of it then the actions of the assholes who brought you into this world don't have to dictate where YOUR life goes. You can either sit back and be reactive or you can be proactive and set a course for positive change for yourself.
As much as people want to blame a killer's actions on those that raised them, the challenges that person faced growing up, the truth is that what happens now is your choice. The easy choice is to give in. The hard choice is to get help and strive towards becoming a better person with the possibility of a bright future. If the hard choice of continuing to try doesn't seem worth it, don't take the easy route, take the easiest. Instead of ending other people's lives, remove yourself from the equation. Either live and make something of that life or don't do it at all. Taking someone else's life is more pathetic than becoming an hero.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 00:46:25 No. 8945
I want to hurt women. A lot.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 01:41:44 No. 8946
Depressed as fuck.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 11:03:54 No. 8950
When I was in 5th grade, the space shuttle Columbia disintegrated and our teacher made everyone write letters of condolences to the families of the deceased.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 16:37:58 No. 8958
i sometimes enjoy cutting my arms when im bored as fuck, idk what it is, i just get a rush from doing it
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 17:31:03 No. 8960
>>8958 >cutting arms when bored Now someting is very wrong here. You really can't get as much enjoyment in anything else than cutting yourself?
Not even stuff like bloudering, parkour, martial arts something?
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 19:47:34 No. 8964
>>8960 Not him, but what's bloudering?
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 19:54:21 No. 8965
Sorry, I just realised you meant bouldering.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 21:52:20 No. 8966
I hit my mother in the face because they asked me to take off my shoes because she doesn't want dirty floors.Also, lately my intrusive thoughts are becoming worse, gonna seek help for it sooner or later
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 22:15:58 No. 8968
>>8966 I would say that seek help sooner than later.
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 22:33:51 No. 8970
>>8966 What do you mean with "intrusive thoughts"? Like voices that tell you to shitpost on /int/?
Anonymous 04/05/15 (Sun) 22:36:38 No. 8971
>>8970 Nah, more extreme shit like gore and whatnot, ever since I joined some forum in 2010 I got it, not sure why.
Anonymous 04/06/15 (Mon) 09:29:32 No. 8984
What kind of confession thread is this?
Anonymous SAGE! 04/06/15 (Mon) 15:29:26 No. 8992
As my emotional state is slowly degrading I have started to remove all contacts from people I used to know. I will not endure them through my paranoia or rants any longer, or constantly test their trust. It's simply easier to let them go and move on, alone.To those who I removed from tox, sorry
Anonymous 04/07/15 (Tue) 04:34:52 No. 9000
Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep if I don't hide my head under the blanket. I started doing it when I was a child because it made it easier to retreat into my mind and escape the loneliness, but I never really grew out of it.
Anonymous 04/07/15 (Tue) 06:52:02 No. 9002
the only thing keeping me alive is memes.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 01:49:21 No. 9026
I don't see the point of anything anymore.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 03:54:21 No. 9029
>>9026 That's called nihilism, friendo.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 05:34:26 No. 9032
>>9029 Well nihilism sucks dick then.
I miss having a point to stuff. I miss having motivation.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 11:18:02 No. 9037
>>9026 I feel the same way. Do you love Lain, too?
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 14:48:32 No. 9040
>>9026 Waiting for life to end and doing stuff before it ends.
Go climb a mountain.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 15:59:38 No. 9042
>>9037 I've only seen the first six episodes to be honest.
I sorta lack motivation and reasoning to finish it.
>>9040 What's the point of climbing a mountain?
Then I have to go down it as well.
What a pain.
It's all pointless.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 19:27:08 No. 9046
>>9026 Then what's the point in complaining?
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 19:34:48 No. 9047
>>9042 Well you can always jump down from the top.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 20:55:42 No. 9050
>>9047 I suppose :^)
>>9046 Was curious if anyone felt the same or knew a fix for it. But I guess it does look like complaining or mindless bitching.
Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 21:59:20 No. 9052
>>9050 Well you could always try to change your view of life.
Anonymous 04/09/15 (Thu) 15:31:56 No. 9069
>>9050 You should probably ask a doctor that, although chances are you will say "Fuck it, I don't even care about getting better anymore. Why even bother?"
I know I did.
Anonymous 04/09/15 (Thu) 16:27:09 No. 9070
I would love to be immortal.
Anonymous 04/10/15 (Fri) 08:40:14 No. 9079
I've had this quick reply box open for a long fucking time.
Anonymous 04/10/15 (Fri) 10:46:56 No. 9081
Feel worthless; no matter what I do. >open bird cage, leave food and water out just in case >go to bed wishing I could die in my sleep >cry self to sleep >working on a project with friends >they're interpreting it as me being lazy or passive aggressive.
Anonymous 04/10/15 (Fri) 19:25:36 No. 9083
>>5193 I stopped someone killing himself a while ago, and a few times since then. He was seriously depressed, no other friends, and imprinted on me because nobody else was even prepared to pretend to care.
He's annoying as hell. Autistic, worse than me about it, and bugged me day after day after day, and always with the questions.
The other day, he got pissy over something I said while I was sick with a fever, and blocked me. I've been ignoring him since; I genuinely don't give a flying fuck about him any more. Before, I was just trying to stop him killing himself, but he doesn't even TRY to not be depressed.
I just wish he'd find someone else to bother.
Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 08:03:00 No. 9094
>>9083 Well depression is not easy to beat.
Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 08:51:20 No. 9095
>>9083 I was that friend once upon a time. It was hard to live through, but both getting blocked and voluntarily choosing to quarantine myself from others only brought peace into my life. I'm sure it's the same for the other party. Because I started solving my own problems on my own instead of running to someone, and the other person could finally live without being in fear of my looming shadow that would drag them down to the same level as me almost daily.
These people are very desperate and will dig their claws into the first person that gives them even a little bit of attention. It's not worth it. Cut contact as soon as you see the red flags. And if you are the desperate one, try to work out problems on your own. Yeah, I haven't come up with a better solution than isolating myself because I know that talking to anyone would wreck havoc on them and on myself. In exchange for loneliness, less people are injured, much better for my conscience.
Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 10:31:08 No. 9097
I haven't cut myself in 9 months and recently the urge has been growing.
Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 15:04:17 No. 9101
>>9095 I barely have the energy to keep myself sane, let alone someone else.
I don't have the patience for him any more, I think. So sick of IMs flashing up every few seconds. Can't even fap without constant interruptions.
Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 22:10:45 No. 9106
I hate most of the people I considered to be my best friends not even a month ago because I started to mature while they still act like they're in the 7th fucking grade
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 00:44:27 No. 9107
This is more like a question
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 04:47:19 No. 9108
>>9106 I'm familiar with a different definition of shitlord but in terms of who your sisters are influenced by, there isn't much you can do since it's their legal guardians. Don't become an hero because it would remove any potential influence those kids have for a sane upbringing. I know it sucks but being there for them when they question the shit their parents are teaching them will really benefit those kids. Don't leave them behind in the insanity.
>>9107 Depends on where you live and how gross you make yourself to avoid sexual attention.
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 05:25:46 No. 9109
>>9106 if you're looking for a goal in life, just try to get enough money to run away from them with your sisters, best you can do without becoming a murderer
>>9107 you can skip the "if i were female" part, it's just a matter of finding the wrong (or right?) person
but why refusing pleasure in the first place? is your mistress is punishing you?
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 06:56:20 No. 9110
>>9107 I… what? I'm not sure I understand your question. Are you asking if girls who refuse to have sex normally end up getting raped? Where are you from?
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 08:12:48 No. 9111
>>9107 >if I were female I would be raped wouldn't I? If you were wearing 'asking for it' outfits or were being stupid with choosing who you hang out with, probably. Even then, the 'rape' would just be you probably getting wasted and waking up with your pants off on the middle of the floor somewhere.
>>9109 >but why refusing pleasure in the first place? For some people, finding a right person can seem astronomically improbable to the point where it is better off not worrying yourself with finding one anyways and finding satisfaction in things that don't involve romantic/intimate relations. Also there is more to living than orgasms.
Anonymous 04/12/15 (Sun) 11:01:52 No. 9112
I feel utterly worthless, but I'm almost starting to be too used to the feeling.
Anonymous 04/13/15 (Mon) 05:03:29 No. 9126
>>8907 >tfw this discussion is pointless as many murderers are intelligent as fuck
Anonymous 04/13/15 (Mon) 07:34:32 No. 9130
>>9126 Frankly, I disagree. Truly intelligent people either chose another path when they realize murder is pointless or they get away with it. To act on their urges and get caught is stupider than someone who becomes an hero because life in prison for murder is then a choice they made. If a person can't stop themselves from killing, they should start with themselves. Quantifiable intelligence is meaningless. Actions are all that matters.
Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 15:13:43 No. 9153
I revel in my fantasies of homicide, and I rejoyce in my fantasies of doing something very charitable.
Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 17:23:11 No. 9157
Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 19:21:49 No. 9160
>>9157 I am also
>>8523 I do like a little pain
Anonymous 04/21/15 (Tue) 20:52:59 No. 9248
Update to >>9083 .
I'm done with him. Sick of him. He's gone abusive and whining, pleading with me to take him back.
Is this what I get for treating people like human beings instead of the petty annoyances they tend to be?
Ugh. I don't think I care that much if he kills himself, but I think I know the state he's in. I think I've been there. He won't do it. He doesn't have the nerve to.
Anonymous 04/22/15 (Wed) 10:15:03 No. 9256
>>9160
Bought first pack of cigarettes the other day. Only smoke on walks, made it easier to think of feels…
All thoughts are coming to a head today. It really is not nice.
Anonymous 04/22/15 (Wed) 13:44:25 No. 9257
>>9248
You did right. Do NOT force yourself to be with such people. I know how they are, I've know a few. They can be very manipulative, annoying, abusive and most of all they are a burden. "im going to kill myself if you dont talk to me!" ect.
One person always did that shit, would remove me from his friendlists, then add me back, would go crazy if I didnt reply to his messages instantly ect. Eventually my mental health started to suffer because of him and I rudely, during a bad day told him some really.. overly harsh, but honest things. I told him that the reason he has no friends is because he keeps doing this, he is a burden, he is overbearing, he has issues he REFUSES to deal with. Then I told him that I dont want to talk to him anymore and I want him completely out of my life, I also told him that if he doesnt learn anything from this, this is going to keep happening and that he shouldnt try to seem like the victim when HE is the one being a goddamn asshole.
I know that life isnt easy for such people, I know that. They are alone and probably never really fit in with anyone, couldnt have long lasting friendships ect. I learned at a very young age that people need space. Doesnt matter if its your family or your best friend, people need their personal space, privacy and you need to respect it and take a hint when someone doesnt want you around all the time.
Anonymous 04/23/15 (Thu) 00:15:01 No. 9263
>>5457
You have a severe case of life.
Anonymous 04/23/15 (Thu) 09:20:24 No. 9267
I want to fuck Raccoon in the ass.
>>9130
Don't confuse intelligence with wisdom.
Anonymous 04/23/15 (Thu) 10:57:53 No. 9268
This is a confessions thread so
>>9257
>>9248
>>9083
Sounds a lot like me when I was younger.
Sounds exactly like me when I was younger.
It all comes from fear. At least for me it did. Just so much constant fucking fear it won't leave your brain no matter what you do just constantly pushing itself to the front making it impossible to focus on anything else and you can't help but truly, truly believe that the worst case scenario is the only possible one.
>>9267
I'm intimidated by raccoon but also yeah kinda.
Raccoon ## Board Owner 04/23/15 (Thu) 15:20:51 No. 9269
>>9267
>>9268
I don't have an ass, I simply have a BLACK VORTEX OF SHAME.
Anonymous 04/23/15 (Thu) 18:45:23 No. 9270
18 months ago I told my shrink I was drinking heavily every day. He gave me benzos and I quit drinking. When the benzos ran out I just started drinking again again without telling him and since then I have spent 3000€ of my savings on alcohol. I don't even like drinking anymore. I just need something, anything to feel different.
Anonymous 04/25/15 (Sat) 00:57:44 No. 9282
Well lets see.
>I'm clinically depressed and have mood swings were I want to kill myself.
>I'm overly critical of myself.
>I'm gay but am aroused by images of women suffering.
>I cant stand to be around most people because of how fucking stupid they are.
Anonymous 04/25/15 (Sat) 01:46:00 No. 9283
I always have this voice inside of my head that tells me I shouldn't enjoy anything and that I should just torture myself for being a man. And the screwed up thing about it is that I think I may enjoy beating myself up like this. Like, it's the perfect vicious cycle of giving myself a purpose. Men are evil -> that evil must be punished -> I punish myself -> I've accomplished something.
I know it's screwed up and sometimes I can stop it and learn to enjoy things, but whenever I'm in a very bad mood I fail and end up wallowing in self-guilt. And the stupidest thing that can cause me to fall into this cycle. And I keep beating myself up worse for it.
I feel like I can't just live for my own self because I feel like that would be "evil." Whenever I start to enjoy something I end up feeling guilty for it. Shit, the more I try to explain it the more sounds fucking ridiculous.
I just wish I could fucking enjoy life again.
Anonymous 04/26/15 (Sun) 10:29:03 No. 9295
>>8510
>>8516
>>8519
>>8523
Me here… Some girl offered me to end her and I'm considering it. Was thinking about it all day the day after she suggested it. Was really hot.
Also I think I'm borderline. I need to see my therapist again
Anonymous 04/26/15 (Sun) 11:56:27 No. 9296
>>9283
believe it or not, it's actually okay to be a guy. I know it's hard to believe, but despite what abusive, oppressive cunts in the media will tell you, you are not a rapist.
I feel the exact same way, but lifting and differentiating myself from most "bruh"s makes me feel really happy and manly in a good sense. 18th century men would dress up, be courteous and gentle and wonderful to the ladies, and the ladies would love it (and be quite gentle themselves). At the same time, they would fence and be very studied. And they were considered to be the epitome of masculinity, even though they would be considered "homosexual" today. I think being gentlemanly is manly, but you shouldn't be a betafedoraneckbeardvirgin. People aren't gentle and polite anymore in general, but you can lead by example (like a true man).
Anonymous 04/26/15 (Sun) 19:52:09 No. 9305
I think I am getting feels for a female friend that happens to be the ex-gf of a friend
Despite having made some plans to hang out in the summer I am sure I'll mess this up somehow.
She's out the country for the next month for travels n shit and she's currently in some city where she apparently has no internet access. I don't want to say that I am really desperate to talk to her or anything but I kind of miss talking to her.
Also I never really had a gf before so I don't even know what I am getting myself into.
I've worked on my self esteem a lot but I still can't really imagine that a girl like her would want to get with a guy like me.
I mean, shit, I am not exactly an ogre-looking guy but it would probably look pretty bizarre to see such a qt girl with a guy like me.
Anonymous 04/27/15 (Mon) 01:10:45 No. 9307
>>9298
I know this is a mental illness board but come on. Fucking pedophiles.
Anonymous 04/27/15 (Mon) 02:39:40 No. 9308
>>9298
As a non-acting hebephile let me just say that you should never do this. Don't scar someone because you have an erection. It's not right.
Masturbate, fine. Don't hurt a child.
Anonymous 04/27/15 (Mon) 11:37:55 No. 9310
Everything i've done. felt worthless. Got position as chairman on construction company, good paycheck, wealthy. But on spiritual and mental level, i'm fucking broke. Family fucked since i was a child, mother left me when i was 7 even then before she left me, she abused me everyday, choked me, slammed my head to the door or just plain slapping me for hours. My dad cheated on her, and my mother cheated him back, in front of his eyes fucking with other man in our house. i was there, watching my mother got kicked out of the house by my father.
She said she loved me no matter what, and that's bullshit. Now she lives on a shack. At first i was happy she was getting what she deserved, but slowly it tortures me to no end.
I'm always thinking, everything that i've done is it worth it? I don't have any family left, everyone broke off in a bad note. Fighting over money even my oldest brother blackmailed my dad, putting him behind bar for 6 month and made him suicidal.
Girlfriend dumped me when my company almost go under, almost lost my house as well. I envied my friend, my best friend most of all. can live a normal life, talking about love, relationship and sex and other normal stuff.
Fucking tumour made my depression worse. Already tried to kill myself countless of time as well, every day i ingest meds just to keep myself together.
Anonymous 04/28/15 (Tue) 05:44:30 No. 9319
What a bad moment to stumble on this thread, boy do I have a confession to make.
For a very long time now I've felt a growing sexual lust for my little sister and I'm beginning to doubt if I can take it much longer. So far I've been doing everything in my power to be the best big brother I can and to make her happy because I care about her enormously, perhaps more than I care about anyone else. Falling prey to something stupid like this would devastate her as well as obliterate all my self-respect. It's a horrible feel and I must find a way out, I need to be able to trust myself and know that I'll never do anything to hurt her no matter what.
Fuck, just thinking about it is making me want to scream. I really needed to get that out. Send help.
Anonymous 04/28/15 (Tue) 12:08:48 No. 9322
>>9319
Is it possible to get away from her? Like move out of the house or something?
Anonymous 04/28/15 (Tue) 20:12:25 No. 9325
My conscience finally caught up with me, I can't say government is evil and taxes are theft when they keep me fed and high. I fucking quit. I'm tired of being a hypocrite. I'm tired of being treated like I could go on a killing spree at any second and I'm tired of being treated like some retard who can't remember his own name, let alone spell it.
Fuck everybody I have ever made eye contact with. I want to drive up to my mom's place with a garbage bag full of condoms and tell her to learn to fucking use one.
Anonymous 04/28/15 (Tue) 22:00:26 No. 9328
I feel like I need to kill.
Something, Anything, I can't talk to anyone because they will make me get help, I don't want help. I feel powerful torturing animals or cutting myself to see blood.
I love the idea of slitting some boys throat and seeing if his blood flows out like a waterfall or just trickles like a stream.
Anonymous 04/28/15 (Tue) 23:47:46 No. 9331
File: 1430264866670.jpg (51.02 KB, 541x805, 541:805, MV5BMjEyNzI3NTYyMV5BMl5Ban….jpg )
I know that what I'm about to say is going to piss people off… but this is a confessions thread, and I need to get this off my chest.
I've begun to accept that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm just not cut out for the whole white picket fence 4 bedroom house 3 kids and a dog thing. I can't do relationships. I just can't handle them. I feel like I have to force myself to be someone that I'm not just to make me appealing to whoever I'm dating and I just resent it. It's just so much effort for something that I don't really want, so for pretty much my entire life I've been single and I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that I will continue to be single and that's fine.
And then there's this bitch who won't leave me alone.
Okay, okay, bitch isn't the right word. She's actually rather nice. But really, the irony of this situation is palpable. Here I am, trying to accept my imminent ascent to wizardhood, to give it all up completely, and life sees fit to throw at me an honestly cute, smart, attractive girl who is so obviously crushing on me that other people have asked me why I'm not going out with her. And I just want her to forget about me and go away, but I don't have it in me to be an asshole so I just politely lead her on knowing full well I'm not capable to fulfilling what she wants.
It's not standards; by any standard at all she appears to be one hell of a catch. There's nothing at all wrong with her, hell, she isn't even american (an exchange student). I just… I just don't want it. I don't have it in me. I can't make myself do it. It's not fear, it's not anxiety, it's just… disgust, honestly, is the best word. The entire idea of dating, and what I'd have to do to make it happen and keep it happening, it disgusts me. I feel sick, in my stomach, when I think about it. It's the opportunity of a fucking lifetime, and I can't make myself even want to give it a shot. I already hate myself for wanting to pass this up. It's killing me. I know I should try. I know it would be the healthy thing to do. But it just feels so utterly impossible and undoable.
Only three years left to go for wizardhood; I must keep my bodily fluids safe and intact for that moment. Right? Right…?
Anonymous 04/29/15 (Wed) 02:20:59 No. 9336
>>9322
That's the saddest part: we are both adults and have our own homes and lives. It's just the feelings that never went away, I thought that it'd become easier as I moved away from home but… it just didn't.
Every time I go see her these days it feels like I want to tell her everything but there's just no way I could do that. The root of the problem seems to live in my mind and I don't know how to get it out.
Anonymous 04/29/15 (Wed) 08:03:51 No. 9338
>>9331
you dont have to date her to fuck her?
Anonymous 04/29/15 (Wed) 23:25:24 No. 9347
>>9338
I really doubt I could pull that off. I also doubt I would want to. I could care less about not getting laid, it's the loneliness that bothers me most. But doing anything at all to make the loneliness more bearable feels like an even worse solution…
Anonymous 04/30/15 (Thu) 12:23:01 No. 9349
>>9331
God I know that feel so bad. Have you thought about the possibility that you might be schizoid? Cause you sound like it.
Anonymous 04/30/15 (Thu) 22:48:15 No. 9354
>>9349
You're right in that I probably am schizoid. Unfortunately I can't see a therapist to confirm because it would fuck up my goals in life; I'm trying to get into a prestigious engineering position in the military and they want every single mental health record ever generated from me, so I'm avoiding generating any…
Anonymous 05/02/15 (Sat) 17:24:14 No. 9386
Who /guilt and shame for no reason/ here?
Anonymous 05/03/15 (Sun) 00:09:58 No. 9399
>>5193
I think I'm a sociopath. I can't tell whether I actually AM, or if it's just the coping strategies for the aspergers.
Or if the latter basically IS sociopathy.
Nobody really seems to care that I'm obviously manipulating them. Or that the facade of being a Nice Person is just that, because I don't really like being around people.
Society just seems more and more arbitrary as I get older, and it's getting to the point where I can't stand it.
Also, I might be bipolar, at least a little. I'm not as crazy as my bipolar ex, but I certainly go from manic to depressive, albeit slowly.
At least I have a proper holiday scheduled for the summer. I'm going to go tour Yorkshire for a couple of weeks. Either in one big go, or coming home to decompress, sleep in my own bed, and do laundry a few times.
And, dammit, the only place I feel truly comfortable now is in bed, or driving. And the latter is getting to be expensive.
Anonymous 05/04/15 (Mon) 08:40:16 No. 9447
Ever feel like a complete cunt? Not for any reason specific, but, any reason. Just a "why am I such a cunt" kinda feeling.
What's up with that? Is everyone just kind of a cunt?
Anonymous 05/05/15 (Tue) 03:49:51 No. 9466
>>9328
You might not want help now but if you begin acting on the need, someday you might regret going down that road.
I know the feel of blood trickling and the power, being the bigger animal that makes the small ones quake, it feels good. It can be addictive and deceptive. It can also quickly ruin your entire life.
>>9447
I get intrusive thoughts, they're mostly violent but now and then I'll think, "I'm an asshole." No reason, it just pops up. "I'm an asshole. An asshole. I'm such an asshole." Anything I do that is remotely wrong or not perfect. "I'm an asshole." I don't go out of my way to help someone or be supportive, "Such an asshole."
"You're a fucking asshole. Why do you exist? If anyone knew what an asshole you were, they'd leave. You should take your asshole face and bash it in. At least then they'd see the disgusting asshole that you are."
Anonymous 05/05/15 (Tue) 05:15:49 No. 9470
I have a hard time understanding the concept of segregation. Basically I tend to prefer people who are different from me, not who are the same. I don't hang out with people of my own "group" because no matter how much I fucking try I can never, ever fit in with them.
I'm not stupid enough to call myself transethnic or whatever bullshit from fuckbaby island, but I'm at this point in my life I know I will never fit in with my "designated" group and honestly feel like living as a foreigner would feel more "natural" than me than living in my home country.
I don't even know if this makes any sense at all. All I know is that I've never felt any sense of connection via people who share the same skin color as me. No matter how much I fucking try, I can never be all about any sort of racial pride. Not because I'm even ashamed of my own race, I honestly just can't fucking connect with the concept itself.
It really feels like something is fucked up inside of my head because it seems like everyone else in the world can connect with each other skin color except for me.
Anonymous 05/05/15 (Tue) 06:45:27 No. 9472
I have violent sexual urges. I know Im a sadomasochist but the urges are getting stronger and terrifying. I take consent seriously ans wouldnt hurt someone but it still scares me…because I enjoy them.
Anonymous 05/05/15 (Tue) 12:36:33 No. 9477
>>9472
What kinda things do you want to do to others?
Anonymous 05/06/15 (Wed) 17:47:18 No. 9522
>>9447
Yes. I've concluded that it's because I'm autistic. Being nice to people isn't an inherent thing. I have to remember to do it, so I come off as a cunt when I forget about it.
Neurotypicals are so fucking touchy. I'm expected to make small talk before asking you to do something I need done RIGHT FUCKING NOW?
Anonymous 05/06/15 (Wed) 17:48:33 No. 9523
>>9470
Ain't just you. I'm about as un-racist as you can get; I treat people as people, regardless of skin colour.
Admittedly, most people get filed under 'minor annoyance'.
Anonymous 05/07/15 (Thu) 14:39:12 No. 9542
According to some paper that i got, i have BPD.
So what does that even mean, should i be worried?
Anonymous 05/07/15 (Thu) 19:24:44 No. 9547
>>9542
You'll probably be fine.
The people close to you may not be so lucky.
Anonymous 05/07/15 (Thu) 20:34:53 No. 9549
>>9547
What do you mean?
Also does this BPD or what ever have something to do with this emptiness/apathy that i am feeling almost all the fucking time?
Anonymous 05/13/15 (Wed) 04:34:00 No. 9673
>>9549
One of the main symptoms of BPD is a pervasive instability of relationships and emotions. Feelings of emptiness or apathy is another symptom, so yes. Worried? Eh, that depends. I've been diagnosed for 10 years and through therapy and experience, I've learned to deal with it and improve my life. It took work and was difficult because I felt like dying most of the time but I'm in a good place now. It's really up to you where you go from here.
Anonymous 05/13/15 (Wed) 06:07:32 No. 9675
>>9673
pervasive instability in emotions and relationships, i feel like i don't quite get it.
Also how did you deal with it and improved your life?
Anonymous 05/17/15 (Sun) 03:25:26 No. 9749
>>5457
Atleast you have memes
Anonymous 09/02/15 (Wed) 04:46:24 No. 11442
>>9675
Talk to a psychologist. They are the most capable people to help you understand what your diagnosis means and how you can work through it. Whoever gave you the paper would be able to help you find someone to help.