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/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

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Any and all posts asking for a diagnosis, advice on medication, or anything else that only your doctor is qualified to make judgments on will be locked immediately.

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File: 1423570835796.gif (294.44 KB, 255x192, 85:64, 1421969390758-0.gif)

 No.7496

>tfw borderline personality disorder

WHY

FUCK MY FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PARENTS FOR GIVING ME THE SHITTIEST UPBRINGING, RESULTING IN THE WORST FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER.

No one even fucking knows what this shit is, nor do they have any sympathy for people with it. I'm just some fucking over-emotional douchebag.

What the fuck. I just want to live a normal life. I hate this. I fucking hate this. I hate feeling like I'm flying into a blinding rage if something even slightly annoys me, breaking down into a crippling depression if someone even makes a slightly off-color remark towards me, feeling like everyone around me is just going to abandon me, and wanting to change everything about who I am every single fucking day.

I hate this. I feel so unstable. My entire life is fucking unstable as shit. I hate feeling like my body, my mind, will all just break apart.

Worst part is no one wants to fucking deal with this shit so I need to hide it. No one actually fucking cares.

 No.7510

I think it's more that it's your parents fault for giving you a brain like this.

I wish (have always wished?) I could take care of someone like this in a relationship but in all honesty this kind of person generally can't let people help them without severely hurting them, and they just don't learn from mistakes. So people do care, it's just that maybe you need to try and devise strategies to take help without fucking up the people helping.

also fuck feelsguy, I don't want this place turning into r9k

 No.7511

>>7510
I'm not even sure anymore. I'm actively trying to learn from shit I've done, when I feel myself get angry, I have to manually take over control. I refuse to let myself make any decision on the spot unless I absolutely need to.

And I'm not sure if you understand, my current relationship almost failed because I relapsed pretty fucking hard. He said "I just want a mate who won't have a mental breakdown every two weeks." and now I feel even worse because I can't even confide in him. The only one who will listen is a fucking counselor I pay to talk to. No one /actually/ cares, anytime I start having suicidal thoughts people just say "stop fucking talking about suicide, grow up" or something like that. No one's willing to actually talk with me about it.

I feel like I'm just acting a role anymore. I don't act in a way I want to act, but rather what an ideal me would act. I'm not happy. I'm tired of living a life that isn't mine, but if I don't then no one will actually care about me. If I don't live like this no one will care if I exist or not.

It's a fucking vicious cycle. I let go of absolute manual override and lose everything, but feel like life isn't worth living if I just keep manual control over my emotions. I'm tired all the time. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Fuck.

sorry, best image i could find

 No.7519

>>7511
You have to consider what talking about suicide does to someone. One can't really expect everyone to accommodate for oneself. It'd be great, but it's not realistic. Trust me, I understand.

If you feel like you're not living genuinely, try talking to your psych about it. It's an actual psychologist and not just a "counselor", right?

But I can sorta relate, I don't want to act unnaturally confident just to charm a girl. But at the same time I don't want to be alone. I want to meet someone who likes me for me, but I doubt that exists.

 No.7520

>>7511
If you talk about something like suicide too often, eventually people are going to take you less and less seriously and at some point they'll even become annoyed by it.

 No.7535

Hi OP!
Have you already met a psychiatrist?
Have you been diagnosed with a sort of disorder?

 No.7537

File: 1423639780888.jpg (99.57 KB, 400x600, 2:3, why yes.jpg)

>>7496
Dude, if it's REALLY BPD then that's GOOD news.

BPD can be fucking CURED with and extremely LOW RATE OF REMISSION. The same cannot be said for almost anyone else on this board.

 No.7538

>>7537
No, it can't. It really can't. I was with a BPD girl for two years. She was my everything. I was head over heels in love with her. Every day that passed she just got more and more abusive, until she cheated on me, cut me off, and started everything all the fuck over with the new guy. They're like broken records. It's like they all the same girl.

I read dozens of books on BPD, I contacted two different BPD expert counselors, 2/3rds of counselors won't even work with BPDs. Meanwhile, treating people who survived relationships with them is a thriving industry.

Lemme break it down for you OP. So you're a girl, right? That's strike one. Ignore what you think about yourself, generally speaking do people tell you you're pretty? Strike two.

There's a reason there are less male BPDs than female BPDs, and it's the same reason BPD symptoms gradually decrease with age. A BPD is mentally an adult, but emotionally a child. You throw tantrums and have mood swings like a four year old, but with all the venom and thought of an adult. Girls get away with it longer because they have much higher rates of neoteny. The symptoms start to decrease the less people pay attention to it. I know, I'm kind of being a dick with you. Believe it or not, this is important. People saying "Oh, poor you. I'm so sorry your life is so horrible." that's just enabling you. BPDs live for attention. As less and less people will give that reaction, you act out less. I'm gonna tell you the worst case scenario, what happens to most BPDs. BPDs have high rates of suicide *threats* but very low rates of actual suicide. It's just for attention. Many BPDs will refuse to accept they have it, then the second problem is if they do accept they have it, they use it as a crutch and an excuse for their bad behavior. You want to get better OP? Don't do that. Your BPD is no excuse. Your parents don't matter, you have to take responsibility for your actions. You're intelligent enough to understand this.

Worst cast, BPD burns every bridge with every friend and family member and ends up driving to insane asylums and threatening suicide for attention because they're legally required to take you seriously. That's worst case.

So, how do you get better? I'm gonna give you the steps. 1. Take cognitive behavioral therapy. It'll help you identify when you're acting strangely before you do, and you'll learn to control your emotions. 2. You need to find an identity you like. Stick with one name, one hair color, one clothing style, one job. You need stability, and to like yourself before you'll stick with it. 3. You need to travel frequently. I have no idea why, but this for some reason decreases BPD symptoms. 4. Confront whatever event triggered your BPD in childhood (and it may not be the one you think it is) deal with it , accept it, and get over it. 5. Accept that you have BPD, but it doesn't excuse your actions or make any bad thing you do. If you seriously follow these steps, you can get better.

God have mercy on your boyfriend.

 No.7539

File: 1423640998859.jpg (126.77 KB, 1183x349, 1183:349, BPD Books.jpg)

>>7538
Oh, meant to attach this. Yeah, I know what I'm talking about.

Incidentally, let me ask you a… totally hypothetical question… If all through your relationship you kept leaving your guy, and every time you came back and said you were angry he didn't force you to stay, and had kidnapping fantasies and wanted to be kept as a BDSM pet or whatever, and eventually you left him and got into another relationship and repeated the process… How would you feel if shortly after the end of your next relationship, however much time later that was, the ex just showed up and did as you asked all that time ago and kidnapped you? I'm curious how a borderline would actually react.

 No.7557

>>7538
>Contradicts me
>Then supports exactly what I said, in detail.

 No.7595

>>7557
You said it can be cured with low rate of remission. There is no cure for it, only treatment and management. It diminishes with age, but it doesn't go away.

And you're making it sound like it's an easy fix when it's only like maaaaybe 10% that actually get better. 2/3rds cannot receive treatment. Of the third that two, many fake improvement, and many use that they're getting treatment as a crutch.

So what you're saying is like pointing out that one guy whose blood cured his aids and acting as if aids is cured. No, it's cured for that one guy. Everyone else still has to get on meds for the rest of their life.

 No.7650

>>7496
I've been wanting to reply to this for a whole week but never gathered enough courage to do so. Well, here I am I guess.

OP, you literally took the words out of my mouth. Every day is full of uncertainty. I don't know if my friends even like me, I can go from feeling like the happiest man in the world to feeling like absolute scum that needs to die in the grossest way possible. All of that is triggered by what my friends tell me, or the events around me. I barely know anymore what to do, what I am or what I want.

Also it seems like all my friends are tired of my shit - whenever I tell them about how I feel they just go quiet or say a simple "I'm sorry" and move on with their day. Again, that might be this whole disorder speaking for me - maybe they genuinely care but don't know what to say? Or maybe they just want to avoid me as much as they can and me to shut up and die already? I don't know, I don't… fuck.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm such a fucking waste of time.

I don't know if you're still around, OP, but I'm interested in what kind of upbringing you had. Could you explain? Maybe it'd help me to understand myself a little more and this whole stupid disorder.
If it helps, I'll describe mine:

>I was a pretty spoiled kid, we used to be rich and I got anything I wanted. Dad had a great job, and was paid in abundance. I was pretty much the son any parent would have wanted. Excellent grades, first of the class, respectful, responsible, surrounded by friends.


>I was always told that I always had to be the very best at everything, or else I'd be a failure. This idea was reinforced throughout my whole childhood. If I ever got a bad grade in an exam at school (and by bad grade I mean 'not the best'), I was severely scolded and punished. I was never hit by my family, but the stares and the rants were relentless.


>Overnight, my life turned in 180°. My dad lost his job, we lost everything. We had to sell all of our stuff, and move to a small house.


>Due to my grades, I was signed up in my country's best, most exclusive school, where students were selected by their grades. I got in with no problem, but my whole stay in that school was the worst. For the first time, I found people who were "better than me". The realisation that I wasn't the best was crushing. And this school kept reinforcing the idea that we were the best of the best, that everyone else was literal walking turds, and if we had bad grades we were a failure.


>I turned much more cold and quiet, a shadow of my former self. Due to my lonely behaviour, I was always picked on by others. Bullies were the death of me that time.


Then depression struck me hard, attempted suicide, was taken out of school… and the rest is history.

Now here I am.
I'm sorry for the wall of text… I don't even know if this is even relevant. I'm sorry.

 No.7683

>>7650

>Also it seems like all my friends are tired of my shit - whenever I tell them about how I feel they just go quiet or say a simple "I'm sorry" and move on with their day. Again, that might be this whole disorder speaking for me - maybe they genuinely care but don't know what to say? Or maybe they just want to avoid me as much as they can and me to shut up and die already? I don't know, I don't… fuck.


Speaking as someone who doesn't have BPD, but is pretty certain they've know a few who did (going by the descriptions of it) I've been in the position of the friend.

I can't speak for them, but in the past I've really really tried to connect with and help friends who are having a hard time. I'm not perfect, I'm not great, but I try to be an ear and, if it's desired, someone who offers suggestions in the form of questions. For most, that's plenty, they need a shoulder, or a rock, or whatevers.

What's difficult is when someone keeps coming back with the same issue. You have problems with it (understandably) but how are we supposed to cope, what are we supposed to say? I don't think there's an answer to that. Anything we do/say is a band-aid on a bulletwound, it's just topical treatment for something deeper. Each time we repeat ourselves we may begin to feel one of a few ways (at least, as far as I've observed). For me it's that I feel lame and guilty for not knowing what to do or say, I begin to feel like it's my fault that I can't help more, and then I get angry because I know there's a deeper issue and I feel like my guilt is implicitly laid on me by you and I start to feel resentful towards you for making me feel this way.

Then the guilt sets in and I hate myself for thinking that way about you.

That's just my perspective. It's nothing that will make you feel better about how you feel, it's nothing meant to trivialize your situation. It's just insight from one position to another, likely tinged by bias.

I'm sorry, and I hope you find some peace in your circumstances and I hope my tired rambling didn't come off as unintended.

 No.7685

Hey OP, I also have BPD among other things.

>The only one who will listen is a fucking counselor I pay to talk to.


I used to think like this and while it is true, it is not the only truth. You are giving them money so that they can use their professional understanding of the human mind to help you mold yourself into a person who can progress and learn through life instead of tripping over grains of sand. They are a tool. How they help you and how you use their knowledge is entirely up to you. There is nothing wrong with the kind of care they give you and deserve the money they make for what they do. Use them to help yourself. Until you can accept that help and learn, you will be stuck in these loops.

>>7537
While it is true that people with BPD can learn to live successful lives, personality disorders are not curable. They aren't a disease; they are a persistent mental state from which a person operates. The basis will never change but how that person deals with and overcomes those obstacles can change the course and quality of their life.

>>7538
I completely agree that BPD is not an excuse. It can be a cause but the way a person acts is not only dependent on their ingrained thought processes. The way a person with BPD acts, the way anyone acts, is ultimately a choice and just like anyone else, behaviour can be shaped over time and experience.

I'm in CBT right now and I should have started it 10 years ago when I was diagnosed. I wasted years battling myself when I should have been taking an active stance and taking control instead of reacting. Take that control. Use the professionals you're paying to help you. Feel like you're stuck? TELL THEM and remember that it's a process. Your life will not change over night but it can become better for the future.

 No.7686

>>7683
>borderlines in charge of thinking about feelings of others

 No.7692

>>7686
Not sure I get what you mean by that.

 No.7793

i have BPD and it fucking sucks. it completely consumes my personality.

 No.7808

>>7496
Cool out, guy. I have BPD too and my upbringing was good. Hell, it's better than most of my friends. I can't chalk it up to anything out of the ordinary in my childhood or adolescence, it just creeped up on me in middle school, enough to know I was different, and has stuck with me to varying degrees ever since. Shit happens man, but this anon >>7538 is giving you the best advice you're going to get.

From personal experience, though, DBT was a complete waste of my time. I know it's worked for a lot of people, but every guy I've talked to with BPD (I'm a guy) has been in agreement with me that it's a load of shit. Personally, I believe this is because it targets stopping self harm and acting-out, while most males tend to shy away from self harm and recognize their symptoms and withdrawal entirely for fear of hurting someone.

You will most likely never fix your fundamentally fucked worldview, but you can learn to build around it and ground it as best you can.

 No.7844

File: 1424461597029.jpg (66.45 KB, 850x400, 17:8, musterbate.jpg)

I believe BPD can be cured. I consider myself cured. i was chronically hospitalized throughout my childhood and early adulthood. over-medicated. numerous feeble suicide attempts,. heroin overdose. all leading to genuine psychosis. full on hearing voices seeing not-real people. tactile hallucinations as well.
My belief is that BPD surfaces with early childhood trauma with continuous invalidating experiences. Usually some abuse is thrown in the mix. every person experience is unique to themselves. I also feel that organic/biological sensitivity plays a role. Maybe you are prone to certain deficiencies in regards to brain chemicals. These again, are NATURAL vulnerability factors. often people who were born premature or suffered of in utero illness have these attributes. upon every hospitalization i was questioned about my birth weight. when I answered the question mentioning my premature birth the intake worker usually raised their eyebrow. So it's is just a build up of emotional sensitivity. BPD is the CLUSTERFUCK. it is LEARNED BEHAVIOUR. developing such thinking patterns and behavioural patterns serves a purpose. the shitty behaviour is SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES that worked very well at a certain point, usually at the time of abuse or invalidating environments. as we transition into the real world though, the old behaviour doesn't adapt well.

Anyway, i consider myself cured. i went through YEARS of inpatient followed by intense outpatient. eventually i was broken and it was this crazy experience where my view of the world shifted. i went through DBT, dialectical behavioural therapy. I no longer saw life as i once did. I owned my problems. with BPD we victimize ourselves. we believe we are at the mercy of some malevolent world that is out to get us. this belief is simply NOT TRUE.

A lot of mindfulness and buddhist philosophy has been used in my treatment. awareness is key. since this time i have had many therapists, (i take medication still for another diagnoses so i see a psychiatrist soooo i still see a counselor) every psychologist i have seen after completing my DBT treatment no longer saw BPD diagnoses in me at all. Some responded with a look of shock when i listed that while speaking of my old progress notes from ex therapists. I speak highly of my treatment. So many therapists REFUSE to work with those who have that diagnoses. we are stigmatized among a crowd of people who dedicate their career towards helping those in need! we are considered "un-therapeutic"
I wanna say it is bullshit.
we were brainwashed during childhood at some point. we can be re-brainwashed with CBT or DBT (pretty much same thing). these thereputic practicing bombard the filter of our brain. we have to build new experiences to build new beliefs. if someone can find the willingness to build enough new experiences and put in the effort then in time your perception of reality will shift and you will percieve the world much differently. From there you can navigate life in the most effective manner. It is about doing what works. being effective, not right, not black, not white. life isn't cookie cutter. we can choose to radically accept shit. we have choices.

it is a lot of work but if you can own your problems i say go for it. if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Aso i want to give a shout out to REBT (rational emotive behavioural therapy) and muh nigga Albert Ellis !! that shit is awesome. let go of that Absolutist view/ attitude. give up the "must-erbation"

 No.7867

>>7538
>1. Take cognitive behavioral therapy. It'll help you identify when you're acting strangely before you do, and you'll learn to control your emotions. 2. You need to find an identity you like. Stick with one name, one hair color, one clothing style, one job. You need stability, and to like yourself before you'll stick with it. 3. You need to travel frequently. I have no idea why, but this for some reason decreases BPD symptoms. 4. Confront whatever event triggered your BPD in childhood (and it may not be the one you think it is) deal with it , accept it, and get over it. 5. Accept that you have BPD, but it doesn't excuse your actions or make any bad thing you do. If you seriously follow these steps, you can get better.
so much this. EVERYONE ITT if you have BPD listen to this advice.

 No.7868

>>7650
Just going to point out a few things in your post you need to work on:
>whenever I tell them about how I feel they just go quiet or say a simple "I'm sorry" and move on with their day
Why are you just telling people shit out of the blue? It probably isn't relevant to anything, dude. Just keep it to yourself and your therapist, seriously. Get some self control. Spilling your emotions all over the place makes you vulnerable and exploitable.

>maybe they genuinely care but don't know what to say?

It doesn't matter if they care. You're just foisting your problems on people who have their own shit to deal with. Of course they don't know what to say. You think everyone is supposed to be your emotional support hotline 24/7? That's what a therapist is for.

>I'm sorry for everything. I'm such a fucking waste of time.

Fuck you dude. Don't apologize for shit. Nobody wants your apology. Nobody is blaming you. Your APOLOGY is a waste of time. If you stop trying to get people to recognize your crazy emotions, they'll have fun when you're around. There's a reason they're your friends.

 No.8434

>>7496
I know what you mean OP. It sucks.

 No.9216

>>7844
Nice quote fag

 No.9235

>RESULTING IN THE WORST FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER.

ahahaha no. Try schizophrenia, emo.


 No.12427

>>7538

>cognitive behavioral therapy

It's patronising as fuck. It's fine if you're young but after that it's insulting.


 No.12428

>>7496

op i completely relate.

I just kinda shut down when people make remarks towards me. Part i'm not sure what to say because them ass burgers, and part because when I was younger I would literally go up and hit someone.

Only people I unleash my sharp tongue on are my mum and grandmum, feel like a pussy constantly,




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