Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 00:33:11 No. 7560
When did you begin to realise that there was something wrong with you?
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 00:42:07 No. 7562
Don't feel like going into details but I was pretty young. I wasn't nearly so bad as I am now but looking back I can see the emerging tendencies, don't remember a time when I was "normal." I remember trying to get my family to right things they were doing that bothered me and one day my mom snapped and told me to cut it out and I think that's when I really first started questioning that other people weren't bothered by this thing. I think I was around 7-9, don't remember exactly, my childhood memories are pretty foggy in the temporal aspect.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 02:53:02 No. 7567
Probably around adolescence/puberty, ages 12/13/14. I think the illness (OCD) existed in me before that but that is when I realized it and when I feel it manifested it's self and became much more noticeable than before. I feel my noticing of it came partly with an interest I had/have in insanity and doing reading on mental illness. It was Through this that I realized that the worrying ect. that I often did was presumably OCD.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 03:06:17 No. 7571
When I realised that the only reason that kept me away from putting a bullet in my head is to get my revenge and destroy their of lifes without any mercy.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 05:22:57 No. 7579
At age 14 or so I started to realize I was a narcissist and socio/psychopath. I used to and still do treat every social situation as a game. I manipulate people and make them look stupid (it's pretty easy) just to laugh and see if I can.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 06:08:35 No. 7584
I started noticing I was different from other kids around age 11, and then towards 16 I started realizing my brain function wasn't right but I didn't know what exactly wasn't right about it. Now that I'm approaching 21 and I know I have STPD, it all makes more sense.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 06:21:21 No. 7585
Around the time I hit puberty, I started thinking about becoming an hero because I thought that I was going to hell no matter what for being gay, so I thought to cut to the chase because if I'm going to get punished for all eternity no matter what I do while alive I might as well not bother with living.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 07:51:29 No. 7590
7th grade is when it started, but things were still somewhat under control up until the second half on 9th grade.
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 13:38:05 No. 7593
Hated going to school and was absolutely hopeless at socializing, but I figured I was just uncool. I was forced to spend time with other people so it wasn't too apparent. Then I went to university.>Felt nervous leaving my room because somebody might be out there >Spent all day/night in my room, would leave once a week ~ 3 AM to get food from shop with self-service machines >Went to the bathroom (had an en-suite). Worried I'd left the main door unlocked and my room was now "their" territory. Stayed in the bathroom and slept on the floor >After that I always checked the lock on my main door before using the bathroom. I'd leave the bathroom door open with a mirror positioned such that I could keep watch on the main door >Whenever I heard people by my door I'd creep quietly over to the wardrobe and hide inside >On my last day, I went into the communal kitchen for the first time (everybody else had left) >Saw all the pictures, photos, etc that had been stuck over the walls during the past year >Realized I hadn't been behaving normally
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 15:00:57 No. 7594
My overall quality of life began to decrease when I was twelve years old, but I never considered mental illness until I was at least thirteen, possibly fourteen and it took until I was fifteen to find out exactly what was wrong with me
Anonymous 02/12/15 (Thu) 22:16:06 No. 7601
I remember really experiencing suicidal thoughts when I was around 10 yrs old. Everything felt so terrible and I was so sad and tired all the time. I didn't want to go play as much and just stayed inside. I didn't know that there was something wrong with me until I actually acted on the urges and tried to kill myself. REALLY want.
Anonymous 02/13/15 (Fri) 01:31:04 No. 7605
>noticed I was always really nervous, sweaty, and awkward around people >always keep to myself >always really loud and outgoing to make up for this >never have very many friends, but I did have a wide circle of people I interact with all the time >now I'm 14 >start to feel anxious all the time >feel deflated >start to spend more time to myself, listening to music >family and I move, now no support system to fall back on >sink into isolation >hard to talk to own parents now, let alone strangers >wondering how I will ever get a job a-at least I'll always have music…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQZfGa5t4e8
Anonymous 02/13/15 (Fri) 02:30:06 No. 7606
Only a few months ago, but this is something that had been with me since my second year of high school. I had always been socially awkward but by then the thought of even being in the same room as someone else caused a panic. Talking became to much so I was known as the weird quiet kid. I eventually lost the only friends I did have after we graduated since I pushed them away because I was too afraid to talk to them. All I can do now is go to class or work during the day and try to not looked like a trapped deer before rushing home and to sit in front of my computer all night.
Anonymous 02/13/15 (Fri) 07:55:59 No. 7611
>uni >have my own room but have to go out to pee > wait in the middle of the night or just pee, squatting, in containers. Sometimes waiting to empty them in the sink > only washing myself at my sink (even my long-long hair) because showers didn't have doors. > no sociolazing > going crazy because I hear neighbour phoning at midnight and wanting to punch holes in walls.
Anonymous 02/14/15 (Sat) 12:10:24 No. 7644
>a year or two after my diagnosis >when diagnosed, everyone thought it was great to finally know what was wrong with me >began seeing patterns and common traits within me at last >began seeing it in others who had it as well >began hating them >began hating myself >still no solution to my disorder. >can't get better
Anonymous 02/15/15 (Sun) 01:02:13 No. 7663
>>7644 Don't worry. As long as you have that spark of self awareness, you'll never hit rock bottom.
Anonymous 02/15/15 (Sun) 17:51:42 No. 7694
>couple of months ago >started thinking about everything is so useless >I felt I don't even belong to this temporal world >get more and more depressed >feeling always tired >anxiety >panic attacks
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 07:59:15 No. 7714
I don't know when I first realized it, Probably around puberty. But I first accepted my depression last autumn when the suicidal thoughts really started coming.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 14:00:54 No. 7717
>>7714 i've always somewhat had 'light' thoughts about these years ago back when i was still in highschool and recently last year I've started to have these thoughts more and more frequently. But I know I won't act on them, not at least for a very long time, because I know how devastating it'll be to my family and friends.
Anonymous 02/17/15 (Tue) 15:15:13 No. 7718
>>7644 Unless you actively try to I don't think you will become CWC levels of bad.
Anonymous 02/19/15 (Thu) 01:04:02 No. 7798
>>7571 I know this feel entirely.
Anonymous 02/27/15 (Fri) 17:29:46 No. 8026
>brother died 2 years ago >start going crazy >see counselor >decide that whatever happens, it's fine because I'm still me
Anonymous 02/27/15 (Fri) 21:44:28 No. 8031
in high school
Anonymous 02/27/15 (Fri) 21:54:35 No. 8033
>>7579 You post this same thing word for word on this board all the time. Who looks stupid now?
Anonymous 03/01/15 (Sun) 04:00:36 No. 8059
A year and four months ago. That's when I first began to learn.
Anonymous 03/01/15 (Sun) 23:57:24 No. 8067
Anonymous 03/02/15 (Mon) 06:39:44 No. 8075
>>8026 Life is beautiful anon, with all the happiness and suffering.
>>8059 It's gone now anon.
Anonymous 03/03/15 (Tue) 16:42:47 No. 8094
>>7560 I don't know, i don't even know myself that well.
I wish i knew why i like the things i like among other things.
Anonymous 03/05/15 (Thu) 00:39:04 No. 8110
As a youngster I began to feel that something was off when I became the class clown. It wasn't too bad, although it was not something I wished for.
Anonymous 03/05/15 (Thu) 20:45:37 No. 8121
When I flunked out of university. Two solid semesters of barely attending class, constant anxiety to the point of never leaving my room, hair falling out, crying in the shower, and various physical symptoms. I checked into the school's mental health clinic and it didn't take very long at all for the counselor to diagnose major depression. It never really occurred to me because this had all been normal to me for so long. I can't remember how I felt afterward.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 07:22:20 No. 8142
When I was 14 and realized it wasn't normal to be planning what I'd put in my suicide note.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 11:03:20 No. 8145
>>8121 Did you read that article about what depression does to your brain? It's some scary stuff
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 13:21:48 No. 8147
>>8145 Not him, but mind telling a tl;dr of it?
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 14:01:48 No. 8148
>>8145 Yeah
>>8147 The jist of it is that the anxiety of depression releases neurotoxic hormones in your brain that lead to diminished brain volume in the hippocampus. At least, that's what I gleaned when I skimmed it.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 14:46:58 No. 8149
>>8148 What does that mean?
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 16:34:23 No. 8151
>>8149 Prolonged stress leads to brain atrophy.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 17:06:15 No. 8152
>>8151 And the best part is, there's nothing you can do about it, as the atrophy persists even decades after you're no longer depressed!
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 17:46:57 No. 8154
>>8151 Well time go tell depression to gtfo and improve myself.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 18:13:41 No. 8155
>>8152 Yeah, it persists, but can be mitigated/reversed with medication or electroconvulsive therapy. If I remember right other chemicals such as psychedilics (like psilocybin mushrooms) can also have a neurogenerative effect.
So, yeah, it's not
good news, but it isn't entirely hopeless, either.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 18:35:37 No. 8156
>>8155 Well, fuck, every medication I've been on has made me worse. I struggle but I'm managing. Fuck me, I guess.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 19:29:26 No. 8157
>>8156 No it's not over yet.
You are not dead, you can still keep going.
Tough if you suffer i like that too.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 23:27:49 No. 8164
>>8157 Yeah but knowing it's done shit damage to my brain that I can't fix with my own will power because I'm not a wizard
yet is going to get to me at some point.
Anonymous 03/06/15 (Fri) 23:28:42 No. 8165
>>8164 True, but you can prevent that no more damage is done.
Anonymous 03/08/15 (Sun) 01:33:43 No. 8195
Highschool. Although after thinking about it, I have never been normal in the first place. It just took highschool for me to realize it.