/mental/ - Mental Health, Illnesses and Disorders

It's pretty standard depression stuff, I guess.
I wish I could tell you how to fix it, but truth is I don't know. I'm in the same boat as you.

I think at some level, we're never going to get what normal people have. 'Drive'. 'Motivation'.
It's all fairy dust to me, at least.

I think we have to just… push through? It's sort of like we have to swim through molasses while all the other fish get water.
**
That said, I've been checking out /cuteboys/ lately and it feels like that's an even worse option. **

>>8016
Apparently, taking one's life gets wordfiltered to cuteboys. Cute.

I could have written this, minus the part where you're pursuing an art career. Especially the part about having such a hard time practicing, since I'm just going to hate whatever I manage to make.

Maybe try being less attached to your output? If you're agonizing over making a perfect drawing, it's gonna hold you back from trying again, and overworking a flawed piece might do you more harm than good. Be more willing to toss out the stuff you make (you can just draw it again, no big deal), or to redraw something you had trouble with instead of trying to fix an old drawing. I don't know if you're actually like this, but a lot of people seem to have that problem, myself included. I'm sorry if this doesn't really help you.

How old are you? Where are you in your career path (art school, taking art classes without being a full-time student, learning on your own, whatever)? You said you were diagnosed, are you taking meds or in therapy?

>Are there any artists here?
Yes. My life is an art.

>>8016
>I think at some level, we're never going to get what normal people have. 'Drive'. 'Motivation'.
Yeah, that's one of the things that makes me afraid. I have my doubts I can work at this pace all my life. One of my friends pops adderall just so he can get shit done. It sounds great from what he describes, but I'm not sure it's worth the health risks.
I remember I started getting those thoughts when I was 13, never tried to humor the idea. But it often just seems like the easiest solution.

>>8018
I do throw out a lot of sketches that simply don't feel "right", but if I do it often enough I just get frustrated and quit for the day. Coupled with the fact I don't draw much to begin with, I end up rarely finishing anything.

I'm 20, dropped out of college recently. I applied for a graphic design school/apprenticeship just so my parents don't hound me out of the house. That's about the only thing I could look forward to, but I'm not very excited for some reason.
I was in therapy for about a year and tried meds in combination, neither helped much. At best, therapy gave me some insight of what went wrong in my life. I stopped visiting once I started college in another town, I haven't managed to give them a call again despite having no reason not to.

I like to draw, mostly cartoon styled stuff.

I always feel as though each drawing i do is complete and utter shit, however. I want to make people happy with my drawings, but i always feel as though they aren't good enough

I used to love sculpture and animation but now I just can't motivate myself to do it. I haven't made a decent piece of art in my life but I loved doing it.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to do these things again, I miss having a passion for something.

I enjoy drawing, but I hate to do it because of my parents. They always want to see what I'm working on and explain it, and they never really approve of what I'm doing and tell me to draw/do other things. If I didn't live with them it wouldn't be a problem, but until I can move out with my brother it just feels oppressive. I can't have thoughts or feelings of my own because they always want to but in and tell me how or what I should do.

I think I'd like to make comics or draw smut for people online. Depression and my living situation make it hard to practice, but I think if I could have a space of my own and if my medication/therapy gets things under control I could really do it.

>>8124
My parents never really cared for what I did or what I'm drawing, which may not be as bad as what you're describing. But I think their lack of support didn't help the motivational problems I'm having right now.

I wish I could agree with the last sentence you wrote, but I really doubt myself or that I'm getting my situation under control.

>>8159
I eventually got over that shame of showing my art to others except if it's lewd, I think I just stopped caring at some point. I too wish I had someone to whip me into shape though.
Earlier today I felt the itch to draw. Like "hey, I got some nice ideas for character concepts. I'll draw them in a bit". Took care of some things, then took a shower during which I mulled more about those concepts. I really started to like the ideas and felt refreshed, ready to go.

Then I sat down and my drive was just gone. I don't understand it.

Hi OP, I'm on a similar situation. Drawing had been my passion since forever and it had been always a dream to have an art-related job.
But now that I'm studying arts, I feel like I'll never achieve anything.
I can't be an animator, since it's about teamworking and I don't really get along with people.
So later I was thinking about being a mere illustrator, but my drawings are getting worse, probably because that's how I feel inside.
I dunno, I don't se a future for me and I don't know what to do, drawing is my only scape, it's the only thing I had been able to do all my life and now I feel that it's not as good as I thought and I'll probably be a nobody.

>>8236
>I can't draw scenery, or furniture, or clothes.

Sounds like you need to start drawing scenery, furniture, and clothes, then. Practicing is about picking the area in your preferred skill(drawing in this case) and honing it up to strength. How you practice is quite simple; keep trying to do it until you are satisfied with the results. For instance, I struggle with rocky structures and surfaces, especially in drawings with more complex lighting. What do I do? I keep attempting to draw them until I am satisfied, learning from past drawings what not to do. "Okay, this drawing doesn't look quite right, what can I do to change it?" There is also no reason to be afraid to use other pieces by other people for reference so long as you aren't blatantly copying it. Learning from my past mistakes and by carefully observing the techniques of those superior to me in drawing has led me only to improve.

Another key thing with practice is patience and endurance. The more detailed and caring you get with a drawing, the longer it will take. If you find yourself 'brain fried' with a piece, don't cop-out and hastily finish it then and there, simply save it for the next day(so long as you know you will not procrastinate.)

Also, you don't have to share every single thing you draw. I have almost three sketchbooks full of drawings and only 20 or so have been shown, the rest are usually flawed in some way and I regard them as practice. And you would be surprised that most people generally aren't hardcore critics when it comes to drawings. I see you mentioned you have a follower base or something, I can understand that it puts pressure, but you should make your own deadlines. "What would my followers enjoy? More pieces of quick-drawn art, or a few pieces of really well-drawn art?" I drew some rather mundane stuff back in highschool and would get praise for it even though it actually looks like shit compared to my stuff now. It is really easy to wow people if you are capable of something they aren't, you'd be surprised.

Of course people are going to go about their day without giving you too much thought. You must understand that people simply cannot go through their day trying to keep everyone they meet and know happy, it isn't humanly possible lest you want to end up an emotional wreck. Very few pieces of art actually leave a memorable impression on people, and it is usually the million dollar pieces you find in museums that do. If your goal with your drawings is to please people, you have it all wrong. Your drawings are supposed to be done because you want to do them, because you enjoy doing them. Doing them for any other reason is likely to render shitty results. Why? Because if you do not feel attached and invested in your piece, you won't bother to put in the effort to make it into something genuine.

>I'm sorry for the long-winded post, but… I hope it helps? Don't fucking know. I don't know if I made any fucking sense. I'm sorry
No reason to be sorry for something you shouldn't be sorry for.

>>8211
I understand that well. A few days ago I had the thought that I may only draw because I want to forget the world around me, but I'm not sure if that's the only reason. I'm not sure if I should keep asking myself why and instead just roll with it. It's all we have after all.

>>8236
>I recently hit 1k followers in an art site. It felt like a completely empty victory.
I'm about to hit 700 on my porn blog. Exact same feeling again. Yet I don't think I want to simply vanish and disappoint everyone.
It's kind of weird, as much as I beat myself up for not drawing enough I've always kept the same pace for the last 5 years and haven't stopped for good. It's slow as hell, but I think I am improving and simply can't acknowledge it most of the time. Yesterday was unusually productive, I spent virtually all day drawing. I even felt happy and content for a while. Still went to bed a little unfulfilled but I didn't have a mental breakdown for once. I can't recall the last time I had a day like that, it was a nice feeling.

I sometimes feel like a wandering fuckwit, not knowing where to go or what to do. At one point I felt I want to create characters that I and others in a situation like mine can relate to, as it's all that gave me some solace in my life. For instance, Silent Hill 2's cast and story left a huge impact on me and how I look at people. I felt like I want do the same and channel my problems into my art, but I think I have yet to learn how. I'm bound to figure it out if I just keep walking, right?

Thank you all for your responses, I didn't expect the thread to be this supportive. It is really a load off my mind to know I'm not the only one.

I don't know if musicians count here or not but you guys decorate space and we decorate time so I think it does. I'm fairly certain I have BPD and I have only started to be open about the idea recently irl. When I'm out with 'friends' I'm always drunk so very few of them know/remember what I'm like sober. I try to be really outgoing at parties so a girl will notice me and I'll get to feel like I matter to someone but it does't work because all my friends are pretty much already paired up and while I connect with women fairly easily these days, I can sense that their boyfriends are pissed off at that. I leave the party totally suicidal knowing that I would take a bullet for all those women but they're getting fucked by my dumb-ass male friends while I force myself not to cut and swallow a shit load of sleeping pills. Anyway, the music I make is pretty dark and atmospheric. I don't plan on being around much longer so I'll go through with it after I finish the new album because I can't go out leaving just one behind.

>>8247
That does help, thank you. I notice I've never really sat down and studied/drawn facial expressions, maybe because I'm pretty gloomy myself. I'll try fixing that.

>>8249
Don't see why music wouldn't count.
I don't want to give the standard answer of 'pls dont do it' as I've been in your shoes and I find those pleads kind of half-hearted. I just think it's a shame when artists stop producing content or even disappear for good, kinda like a flame was snuffed out. I love music, I'm basically always listening to whatever I feel like at the moment and I can't draw without it. I might even like yours from how you described it.

One of my worst periods in life was when I was chasing after a girl I had no chance of getting with. That whole year of chasing changed me a bit for the better, because I don't actively worry and try to force myself to be with someone anymore. When I did it really just made me suffer, more than if I was just alone and not trying. I'm still lonely, maybe I always will be, but I think as long as I have people to talk to threads like these included I will be alright. If you haven't brought it up with your friends yet you should try, if they're actual friends they won't abandon you. You said you're certain you have BPD but did you have it diagnosed? Therapy hasn't 'fixed' me, but it did give me some insight and helped me come to terms with myself a little.

I don't know what your life is like and I can't stop you if you've made up your mind. But I think you posting here may mean you're a bit reluctant. If you haven't tried some things that could help, as small as they are, do try them before going.

>>8251
Sure, 3D can look really cool. I tried getting into it but had trouble learning the interface.

>>8249
Fuck yeah, music.
Not much to say about the rest of that though, it's your life. Just, you sound sorta bitter.

>tfw destroying hours of work because it's not good enough
My greatest fear is being one of those musicians so awful that it becomes a meme. also insects. I almost punched a little girl for trying to set a bug on me once.

>>8251
You could make a killing on selling stuff like that in second life.

>>8256
I don't know about a killing, but I knew a goon some years ago that paid his rent selling items he made in SL. Metroid armor, anime items, things like that.