>>8922>Reality always catches up to you in the end, and the deeper the denial, the more it hurts when you finally snap out of it.You mean "if." Sometimes reality never catches up with some people. Besides, I have always seen reality to be what you make of it. Granted doing that can turn you into a complete loon as you begin to lose grasp on everything and nothing is an objective truth anymore past that point. Even simple physical objects can start to seem illusionary. Now, this is bordering on weird new-age garbage but the fact of the matter is that it can and does happen, the people who it does happen with tend to be the types who drop off the face of the Earth.
You gain some, you lose some. Creating a tulpa as substitute for a friend is actually a pretty decent idea until you actually gain a…uhh…corporeal one. They can also be very useful for introspection…and they can also be very very dangerous which is why it is said you should only attempt to do it when not in a foul mood. If you just want some company, they serve the purpose well. They actually serve any purpose you put forth for them well, but sometimes they will end up operating too well and bringing consequences like the stuff I mentioned above; you will begin to lose touch with what is usually regarded as real.
As for OP, when it comes to friends, the best advice is to just treat people with simple respect. Over time, if you are in contact with them enough, your relation will grow. But, to be honest, I think you are looking for something more than a friend. Also, I see that you recognize your flaws which is good but unless you actually work to get over them, nothing will change. I can tell that what you want is a sort of savior to pull you out of your pit and still be happy with you for you the way you are, but that doesn't and won't happen. This is why it is called a mental illness and not merely how you act; because it impairs your ability to function and the only way you ever will function is if you work to break out of the things dragging you down. They will always be there trying to pull you back into the pit of despair by filling your mind with 'no hope' or 'I am a piece of shit' and will try and blind you from anything good while amplifying the negative, so the solution is to block out such things. Even as you are reading this, there is probably a voice in the back of your mind telling you that you can't do this, that your aren't strong enough, or that it isn't worth it, but that is the very negative chain of thoughts that I am talking about. Do not be a slave to such things, squash it like the pest it is.