Venting thread

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Venting thread Anonymous 04/07/15 (Tue) 23:51:43 No.9023

Can we start a venting thread? Just small silly things that we would like to talk about and that don't deserve their own thread.

I my case it's about my diary, which I started in February of last year. It was a personal account of things that happened to me daily, how I felt about them, how I interacted with others, what I dreamed of, etc. It helped put things into perspective, and it was nice knowing that someday I might look back and read about how I was feeling in that particular day. I was completely honest there, talking about how I started to self-harm, reporting how my exercise routine was going, in which ways I could improve, and things that annoyed me.
A couple of weeks ago my mother started bringing up weird topics of conversation, usually in an argumentative tone. She made a suggestion and then said how if I didn't like it I should start a blog and write about how my "mommy was being annoying even though she pays all the bills". She talked about how idiotic it is for people to mutilate themselves, and that if a person was waking up early and working hard they wouldn't do such a thing (I'm looking for a job, btw).
So today I confirmed my suspicions and found out that she has been reading my diary. I guess I feel violated, in a way. It was the one place where I could be completely honest without fear of judgement. It's like someone has taken naked pictures of me.
It's not like I have a right to complain, I'm a 21-yearl-old man (child, more like it), who lives with his mother and doesn't have a job. It's her house, and I probably bought the notebook and the pen with her money. I'm a bit upset from the fact that it wasn't just my private stuff that was there, but things my friends told me about themselves. Naturally, this wouldn't have happened if I didn't act like a pubescent girl and gotten a diary in the first place. I just got caught in it because I thought it helped me be more mentally stable , put things in perspective, and being more disciplined (by having to write down the things I did wrong during the day). Now I just put the notebooks away and I'll probably throw them out.

Anyway, I have a tendency to paint myself as the victim, so just ignore the babbling. Post your own vents here, I guess.

Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 00:29:16 No.9024

Many great men kept a diary, it's not something only teenage girls do. It's nothing to be ashamed of and your mother didn't have the right to read it, regardless of whose money was used to buy it, and it was extremely impolite of her to try to use that information against you. Keep writing down your thoughts, just start locking the door of your room from now on.

Anonymous 04/08/15 (Wed) 00:34:53 No.9025

It doesn't matter if your mom donates blood to you on a weekly basis. Reading your diary is a pretty huge violation of privacy, to which you have a human right.

Anonymous 04/09/15 (Thu) 08:44:17 No.9063

>>9023
>parents
I fucking hate parents.

Anonymous 04/09/15 (Thu) 12:42:04 No.9065

>>9063
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Anonymous 04/10/15 (Fri) 07:16:03 No.9078

>>9065
I love it.

Anonymous 04/10/15 (Fri) 21:44:01 No.9087

I've been undiagnosed bipolar my entire life apparently. I dont know the types but I get massive mood swings throughout the day. Racing thoughts. Hearing music in my head. This lasts for a few days then I go into a depressive state, I was told I have depression and bipolar.

My family never believed me. They still don't apparently. My mother thinks I can control all my emotions and gives a fucking emotional reaction to everything I say.

There's something wrong with all my family. They're just too stuck in their life styles to realize and I have to deal with all this bullshit and be a house maid until I move out or get a job.

Living at home with two massive leeches, one leech who lays for trivialities and blows the rest of the money on God knows what, a man who supports the leeches and whose entire identity is Christianity and a woman who I see is probably bipolar and emotional but refuses to seek help because of past trauma and old beliefs.

This family causes me so much fucking stress and this isn't the teen angst you imagine its my asshole family bothering me in a bad mood swing driving me to the point of exploding or bursting into tears while they laugh. I need to get out.

Prescribed ziprazidone anti psychotic and clonazepam for my anxiety.

Help.

Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 05:39:39 No.9093

File: 1428730778863.jpg (25.64 KB, 625x381, 625:381, disgusting.jpg)

I went on a date a few days ago. I haven't dated in 7 years because I'm a messed up shitcake of a person. I'm nuts and I'm fat as fuck and purge all the time because I hate what I do and don't want to go back to cutting to punish myself. I want to lose weight and have a plan (ketogenic diet, bike riding, weight lifting). I've already lost 45lbs but have a ton left to go and am struggling to get back into keto because my retarded ass goes into depression spikes and binges and my level of control is pathetic. All the meds I've tried are worthless.

Earlier, I had been talking to this girl online who I knew from high school and who was really cool back then. She was cute and didn't have any new pictures up but I was optimistic. The idea that maybe being loved could prompt me to love myself was kitschy and stupid.

I got to the bar and the chick was fatter than I am. The amount of revulsion I feel looking at myself was nothing compared to the disappointment and disgust. She was nice. We chatted and drank, laughed, but the entire time all I could think about was how gross we both were and how I shouldn't date until I lose weight because until I get control of myself, it's just expecting people to find me, a lump of lard, attractive and the only people who will be interested in me are as pathetic as I am.

I haven't eaten much in the last few days. Mostly just drinking water and taking multivitamins. All food makes me want to puke. Honestly, I hope it stays that way.

Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 01:57:06 No.9144

File: 1428976625906.jpg (46.77 KB, 403x392, 403:392, pep.jpg)

I want to fucking go back to normal, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

IM FUCKING SUFFERING, NOTHING FEELS REAL TO ME, I FEEL OUT OF TOUCH. I WANT LIFE, I WANT TO LIVE.

Existantial thoughts are ruining me till the day I finally go into the eternal blackness.

I'm so fucking terrified, will I ever feel real anymore or will i just look in the mirror and see a fucking stranger, i barely feel like i know any of my family but some sort of autopilot recognizes them slightly.

I'm so scared and lonely inside my head, as i type i feel not of this world. I feel like i'm looking through a pane of glass and i'm trying to smash it as hard as i can but it keeps getting bigger.

IM SCARED AND I WANT OUT

Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 06:58:23 No.9147

I've been sick for 3-4 weeks
it started with congestion issues like post nasal drip
then i got a sore throat
then i got sick to my stomache and naseau
then i got diahhreah and constipation
I've been pretty thirsty
I hope its not aids or diabetes

Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 15:08:23 No.9151

>>9144
I want to hold you, give you a bit of my calm right now. You are real. You're here. You're just feeling (and probably thinking) weird, and you're scared because of it. It's perfectly understandable.

Please try 4-7-8 breathing. It makes me feel less anxious. Anxiety can and will contribute to feelings of derealization.

http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/VDR00112/The-4-7-8-Breath-Benefits-and-Demonstration.html

You're going to be fine. It's incredibly unpleasant though, I understand. Hope I'm of some help.

Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 15:13:45 No.9152

>>9147
See a doctor if you can.

Drink enough water, eat as much as you can. Unless you've been gaining significant amounts of fat mass recently, it's prooobably not going to be beetus.

Anonymous 04/14/15 (Tue) 15:16:48 No.9154

fuck I need to stop multiposting
>>9093
look here mister, if you stop eating, your metabolism and endocrine system will seize up, you'll fucking panic, eat a ton, feel terrible and just fuck up in general. DON'T.

You've lost a great amount of fat already. I don't care if you've got a far way to go, you're going to make it all the way there at this rate.

Anonymous 04/16/15 (Thu) 10:36:06 No.9174

File: 1429180565986.jpg (369.31 KB, 919x979, 919:979, 1366634322423.jpg)

It rained today.

I feel tired and anxious. I think I'm anxious because I met a girl recently. We hung out yesterday, went for a long drive, then made out at this scenic point. Went back to my place, lay on my couch fooling around and listening to records. It was nice. I felt the happiest and most content I've been in a while.

And yet I still feel nervous, as if I can't trust her. Or maybe I'm just scared of letting someone in after all these years being alone. Maybe I'm just scared of change, positive or negative. Or maybe my paranoia is right and nothing will come of this fling and that it was meaningless, and she'll go off with someone else while I'll be back to my lonely usual self. I don't want to be alone.

We're going out together for my birthday on the weekend. She said to me she'll come home with me at the end of the night. I want it to be true, so very much. But the little nagging voice in my head is saying she'll have some excuse, some reason, not to come back with me. I'll go home alone.

I'm scared. I stopped interacting with people years ago because it's difficult, just like this. The potential for being let down, being disappointed…it's always right round the corner.

But at the same time…no one ever got what they wanted by not trying. I guess I have to try, no matter how terrifying this is.

I remember we talked in the car, and we made that weird sort of connection you sometimes get with another person, like something that goes beyond words. It turned out she has depression as well, has been on medications, done lots of self harm, all the usual stuff. The way we both lit up and started talking about this thing we had in common, how we've been dealing with it and how normal people don't get it…it was incredible. Made me feel, I dunno, cozy? Like for a while I was part of the human race identifying with another individual, rather than some detached observer.

I'm still scared though. Anything and everything can and probably will go wrong. I want to say that logically I know things will likely work out fine but even then I feel wrong.

I just want to feel normal. I just want to love and feel loved.

It rained today.

/blog

Anonymous 04/17/15 (Fri) 05:51:36 No.9188

File: 1429249896572.jpg (301.37 KB, 704x2800, 44:175, 1402821287623.jpg)

>>9174
Ha, hahahah. My paranoia was justified. I was right. She has an excuse for not going out.

I hate being right.

Fuck.

It's the mid-afternoon and I think I'm going to go sleep. It's all I feel I can do right now.

I knew I was wrong to drop my guard after all these years. I shouldn't ever let anyone in again. The only person you can rely on is yourself. You can't be hurt if you don't know anyone.

Anonymous 04/17/15 (Fri) 23:07:41 No.9199

>>9188
Women are fickle creatures anon. It's best to learn to live without them. They will only bring you down overall, sad to say.

Anonymous 04/19/15 (Sun) 03:11:26 No.9217

I tried for the 10th time to sell my plama today, every time i go its a farce. you need a social security card, ID and mail from the past 30 days
I got all those things last time and they rejected my letter from medicaid because it did not clearly say "state of wisconsin" on it despite being from badgercare, the state medicaid program. this time I got another letter that did say "state of wisconsin" after the cunt nurse at the counter read the inside she rejected it because the "5" in 2015 was not visible.

Since i am not a welfare queen I dont get mail from the state more than once a month and cant sell my plasma.

I might go back tomorrow just to tell them they should all kill themselves

Anonymous 04/19/15 (Sun) 12:40:36 No.9219

>Aspergers

>not autistic enough to be considered a full retard

>not normal enough to fit in like the rest of every body

Also it fucking sucks being the only one out of 3 groups of different friends to still be a virgin.

Anonymous 04/21/15 (Tue) 13:55:25 No.9238

File: 1429624525688.gif (539.93 KB, 127x189, 127:189, 1426165881701.gif)

man I wish I had something to vent about

everything is going pretty good. almost too good, heh. yep, I was dealt a good hand in life.

Feels good man.

Anonymous 04/24/15 (Fri) 07:02:45 No.9275

Just a minor semantics issue. It irritates me when people say that you "have to" or "need to" do something.

You don't HAVE to do anything. You don't even need to eat or breathe. You only need to do that if you want to live, which is a huge assumption to make of anyone, even someone that you know well.

Anonymous 04/26/15 (Sun) 07:17:38 No.9291

I've been feeling either empty, depressed, or suicidal lately. I don't know if I missed my therapy appointment or if its coming up and I feel stupid for that. Also a closet tranny. Nice. And I have been having episodes where Im convinced I'm dead/not real or my body is robotic and my being is just floating somewhere not inside it. I don't know what it is but its disturbing. My guess is that my depression is driving me crazy.

Anonymous 04/26/15 (Sun) 15:04:59 No.9300

>>9275

This. I usually say that the same pressure that makes people think that they absolutely "have to" do something is the same pressure that drives some to kill themselves out of desperation.