/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

I don't work at Burger Queen but…

>Want some chicken nuggets

>Go to BQ for some cheap food

>I live in an area with a ton of monster girls

>When I went there, a succubus ordered some food

>I want fifty chicken nuggets, please. With a lot of special dipping sauce

>That will be $7.50

>Suddenly, a bunch of dudes with shit eating grins came in and entered a door labeled, "special sauce production"

>my curiosity got the best of me

>I opened the door to see several monster girls jacking off these dudes over cups

>one worker brought the cup of dipping jizz up front

>that succubus started dipping her nuggets and eating them, licking her lips

>I ran out of there

Thank god KFC doesn't do that shit.

https://archive.is/dSKLC

Archive of the last thread, if you want to catch up after it vanishes into the ether.

>>132641

> Cold as fuck weather, ice errywhere

> Get up fuckass early for work as usual.

> Leave car idling and warming up while I take the ice off the windows

> Get back into car, notice something in the mirror as I set off

> Slime's taken up residence on the back seat while I left the window open

> Looks half-frozen, poor thing

> No time to do anything about her

> Gotta get to work on time

> Puddle her in a bag when I get to work, lock her in the boot so she can't steal the car or anything

> Work

> Still fucking freezing

> All day

> Get back to the car

> Open boot, ambushed by sun-warmed slime

> Clings to me to warm up, won't let go

> I guess that since I found her at home, I should take her back

> Do so, she eventually releases me to sit in the passenger footwell by the heating vent

> Follows me inside the house because warm, so I leave her thawing out in the bathtub

> Tiny apartment, so I'm able to heat up a can of chicken soup for her and just pour it into her to help thaw

> Come the evening, she's warm enough to talk

> Apologises for the intrusion, but explains she was literally freezing out there

> At least, I think that's what she's saying.

> Turns out, she moved recently from somewhere warmer, and got evicted when she spent so much on heating that she couldn't pay rent

> Guess I've got a new roommate; can't send her outside again, or she'll freeze

> Go to bed, with her taking the bathtub to stay warm

> Next day, get up, usual routine, go to shower, step in slime.

> Forgot she was there

> Drags me down and rapes me

> Negotiations afterwards as I shower.

> I take her to work again, ask boss to hire her

> Discrimination laws say they pretty much have to

> Roommate and co-worker now. Yay?

The job I was (un)lucky enough to have was working on a farm out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Mostly what you'd expect: dealing with wolfgirls accosting the alraunes that were scattered about in the crop fields (which was especially annoying when I had to weed or harvest since I had to be mindful of the plantgirls), sheering the weresheep which was difficult considering they got rather amorous afterwards, or milking the three holstaur sisters in their barn (the eldest was rather ara~ ara~ with me and the two younger ones (twins no less) had a thing going between them on how flustered they could make me, and yes it almost always ended in a foursome with the three).

Thankfully I managed to find a generic office job closer in the city after a few years, and yet I couldn't leave those lovely girls behind. I somehow managed to convince the farm owner to let me take them all with me so we could live together, so long as I send a few cases of their milk back to him every month or so. My current job is enough to cover the bills and such but I also sell the girls' milk on the side for a little extra spending cash, not that I'd be able to use any of it since most – if not all – of my free time at home is spent either milking them, cuddling with them, or participating in group sex with all three. Speaking of which, they're actually all pregnant (holstaur milk will do that to a man, especially if he drinks from the girl while making love to her, let alone three holstaurs one after another), and in about eight-and-a-half months I'm going to be the father of (at least) three lovely cowgirl daughterus.

Which reminds me, I'm gonna have to start looking for a bigger house if there's gonna be three new (beautiful) occupants soon. And by soon I mean in about a week since the eldest sister is actually pressing her (large, even for a holstaur) breasts into my head right now while her younger sisters are giggling somewhere else in the house. Who knew holstaurs had a "season", or that a pregnancy would make them even MORE horny on top of that. Also, I'm having to spend probably twice as long milking them now too on account of them being with child.

>>132653

Fuck you I was typing shit out and you beat me to it. :^)

>>132668

That's what you get for having an active role in /monster/ society instead of being a NEET, mate.

>>132674

I don't care how much cum they serve it with, I'll just go buy some bbq sauce down the street, goddamn.

Where do you even live where you can buy that many nuggets for $7.50?

>>132674

>>132676

The actual Burger King has 10 nuggets for 1.50 right now. Pretty sweet deal.

>>132652

>Thank god KFC doesn't do that shit.

Umm… you do know what the C in KFC stands for, right?

>>132685

Maybe they fry their chicken in cum instead of oil?

>>132688

But then it wouldn't it be CFC?

So some of my stitches opened last night, just before I woke up so It just started to bleed. I caught it with some tissues that I keep on my nightstand and walked over to my bathroom. It was at this point that I noticed Sarah, who had refused to leave and was sleeping on the couch, had migrated from the couch to the foot of my bed where she was curled up on a ball. I couldn't help but go "Awwww…" to which she woke up. Upon smelling the blood and seeing me holding my bullet would, she started to cry and tried to hold me, providing tremendous pain to my arm. After I had calmed her down, I went into my bathroom and cleaned up my shoulder.

She is still refusing to leave. I think that she likes me really hard but my body is not ready…

An archive I made of my exploits on PB.

http://pastebin.com/U5dEm2Qn

>>132786

>two Mulp Phim stories

wew

Still liking the cop stories, though!

>>132786

So, how long until you and Sarah are officially a K-9 unit?

>>132794

LOL! That's really funny.

Update. I'm going mobile because I'm taking a few days out of the city. My trips'll be diffrent but I'll still be copfag.

>>132799

Your trips may be different but your dubs will stay the same, checked

>>132712

I might be going out on a limb, but I'm pretty sure that nobody's body is ready for their first time with a hellhound that has the hots for them

>>132847

yeah until my arm and side heals, I dont think that sex is on the menu.

>>132652

>succubutt ordering food

Should've been your your first clue something was up right there.

Yo what happened to plumber man and his weaboo slimefu

>>132983

He probably lives in Florida OH WAIT, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE

>>131534

Her mother joined her three younger sisters to their table in their rain soaked jackets. And of course... I recognized her twin younger sisters, a grade below me...

"Kiki... could you please join me in the back please..." I told her as gently as I could with a half forced smile on my face.

She joins me by the take out window out of earshot of her family and we speak softly just in case...

"So..."

"So..." she says with her head down and her ear flopping like usual...

I let out an audible sigh yet again for maybe the third time tonight and stretch my shoulders as it was a long night to begin with.

"Your sister's are going to blab at school you know..."

"Yeah... I don't see what the big deal is..."

I flip her ear like usual, "Oi! Now we have to pretend at school too you know!" She looked up at me with wide eyes with a look she hadn't before...

"I know..."

"Anyway..." I say, "I need to start cleaning up and wait for John to get here and the Manager to take over at 6... go ahead and take off..." I turn away and walk.

>she grabs onto my arm

>>132992

remember, human women are the real monsters

>>132992

Florida is okay for vacations, but if you're here for more that a year you notice how shit everything outside of the hotels and malls is.

At least your brother got to be in St Pete, and not one of the fucking small towns like I'm stuck in, Ar-fuckin-cadia, come check out our vast array of fuck all as St Pete has some interesting shit happen there, only thing that happened in this little circle of hell on earth is in the 80's some kids got their house burnt to the ground because they had the audacity to get HIV, even though it was the shit healthcare here's own fuckin fault.

wtf why? That's fucked up. Want me to write a monster version of it?

Unfortunately, things like this happen far too often in my line of work

It still hurts when I think about those that I couldn't save.>>132992

>that one really cool customer who is very understanding and doesn't give you shit

>>132999 (checked)

Holy shit, how many people on /monster/ are from Florida? I lived in Cape Coral for like 20 years before getting shipped off to the frozen north.

>>133039

I can only imagine the kind of Florida Man stories monstergirls would give us . . .

>>133040

"Florida man kidnaps multiple Lamia while on meth, releases them into the forest, screams 'Be free!'l

>>133051

"Forida man feeds holstaur nothing but cacao beans and chocolate syrup for two weeks, hoping to produce chocolate milk."

"Florida man kills cheshire roommate over missing corndogs."

"Florida man knocks on Lich's door at 3AM, punches her, then runs away."

"Florida man steals six cases of barbecue-flavored cum sauce from Burger Queen, attempts to sell it at sperm bank."

"Florida man attempts to re-create scene from Ben-Hur with centaurs during rush hour traffic."

"Florida man, naked, jumps through skylight of local kikimora's house, knocks her out, empties her vacuum cleaner, and masturbates."

"Florida man dumps fourteen pounds of fish onto local mermaid representative."

"Florida man arrested after tying seven baphomets to himself, proclaiming that he was made of mecha-loli."

>>133059

Grew up in Florida though I'm in Ohio now and can totally see all of this happening.

The lich would get back up, stand there for a minute, then take ten pages of notes on the event.

The baphomets would be down for being tied to a guy. I imagine he summoned the one, and she called her friends in For Great JUSTICE.

>>133059

Every single one of these is an arrestable offence

>>133059

>"Florida man feeds holstaur nothing but cacao beans and chocolate syrup for two weeks, hoping to produce chocolate milk."

Yeah, feeding them nothing BUT that is stupid. But if you feed them enough chocolate syrup, the milk starts coming out chocolatey. Slightly.

It's easier to get fruit flavours.

My uncle's a specialist farmer.

>>133059

>Florida man arrested after tying seven baphomets to himself, proclaiming that he was made of mecha-loli

copfag, if this is an arrestable offense, then who exactly gets the book thrown at them? that level of stupidity can only come about with all parties being crazy enough to agree to it willingly

>>133071

True… I'd book the guy then inform the coven of the witches…

>>133059

>"Florida man arrested after tying seven baphomets to himself, proclaiming that he was made of mecha-loli."

Can we get a drawfag on this? I can't be the only one who wants to see this.

>>133107

no u

already deleted the post long ago

Guys. Sarah had this huge grin on her face when I complained about some of the painkillers making me sleepy. The then said, and I quote.

>"It's alright. You can have a nap with me."

Then she pulled me down and used her titts as a pillow. I'm scared about how this is progressing…

Hall?

>>133150

cuddle with her you faget

considering she essentially forced you to take a nap with her (using her tits as pillows no less), she has a thing for you

and like everyone is saying, you need to tell her that you like her too although you should still be careful of your injuries, don't need a broken pelvis on top of what you already have and i dont think Sarah would be able to handle hurting you

>>133150

we'll offer you all the moral support in the world. from the safety of the internet. far away from you. where your hellhound "friend" can't shred us if she decides that we're interfering with anything. besides, it's not like hellhounds are 24/7 rape machines. I think. they have to sleep sometime, right? if hellhounds can sleep rape you then you're really screwed

>>133150

Love the doggy

LOVE HER

>>133150

Nap with her. You seemed to have found the rare chill hellhound. She cares about you, she's not going to crush your pelvis until you're healed. I would invest in some pelvic armor for the future, though.

In other news, I met my pizzaboy's parents today, his mom thinks I am the most adorable thing ever and his dad is polite but super awkward. I can tell he's got a thing for the DFC like his boy does. I think I'll look up how to make a temp loli potion and pass it to pizzaboy's mom next time I see them.

>>124451

Did it end there?

Or did Mr Plumbanon die?

>>133291

>>133093

Bringing it back to the service industry, there's a used game shop near me with a Gazer chick who's usually at the counter. And she is awesome, her recommendations are always spot on. I was looking at DS games, and without even saying a word she comes over, takes a game I'd never heard of out of the case, and puts it on the counter. It's 99 cents, so I figure heck with it and buy it without even seeing what kind of game it is. Turned out to enjoy it more than the two games I'd already picked out.

>>133291

He went to sleep and it ain't morning yet where he lives.

>>133305

Gazers are the best for vidya. Some of my more favourite games like Brink. Not only that, one of the gazers I play with has kicked my ass in every pvp I've ever played. Nosgoth? Dead. CS:GO? Dead. Smash? Dead even though I suck at it anyways.

Short version is, Gazers are death to your KDR.

>>133316

Just realised I didn't finish a sentence.

>Some of my more favourite games like Brink were Gazer recommendations.

>>133317

The one she pulled out was Big Bang Mini. It's basically a soft bullet hell shooter, but it's controlled almost entirely with the stylus. The biggest impact this has is that you can either use your stylus to move your "ship" or fire projectiles, but not at the same time. Also, you use fireworks to shoot. As long as you hit something, you're fine, but if you miss and hit the screen edge you'll have to dodge the debris from the explosion. It starts out nice and simple, but gets fucking nuts.

It has a vs mode so I brought it back in and challenged Gazer girl. I got absolutely rekt. I think my 3DS may actually have screamed in agony at one point.

K, guys… I might have fucked up… Sarah is still here and is making dinner. I had to change my bandages and make an apointment for my GP tomorrow. All of my sitches came out and it hurt like a motherfucker. I have to type this with my wounded arm is really fucked up.

>be me Copfag

>In pain…Lots of pain.

>Taking pain meds and feeling a little drowsy.

>Complain about pain meds and sleepys.

>Sarah says, "It's alright, you can have a nap with me."

>Pulls me down and rests my head on her tits.

>She's murrin…

>Smells like sulpher and campfire.

>Is nice.

>I snuggle in and she presses her huge paws, one on my chest, one on my wound.

>I can feel the love and care.

>I look up at her.

>Her eyes have only small blue flames.

>Murring harder.

I ask her. "Sarah, how do you feel about me?"

>She blushes and looks away. "I care about you… A lot"

I turn and look at her. "How much?"

>She looked at me with a gaze that said everything that I could ever ask.

>She loved me.

>She loved me and I loved her.

>I loved her so much in that moment, it hurt like nothing I've ever felt before.

>I couldn't help myself.

>I moved forward and captured her lips in mine.

>She was surprised for only a moment but then she found her rythem.

>And what a rythem it was.

>The kiss only lasted for a moment but right there, right then, I knew that, weither I liked it or not, I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with her.

>After we seperated, she got all blushy and was super embarresed.

>Then she got up and went to the kitchen.

So guys…It worked. Thank you all. I'm going back to work next week. Life is fucking good.

>>133372

come on, don't leave us hanging like this

we want to know her reaction when you made love to her and/or proposed to her

>>133372

YEAH, COPFAG

>K, guys… I might have fucked up…

How would the love of a hellhound ever be a fuckup?

Now go love her forever like an animal.

>>133469

Step one: Get The Fuck Out of there

Step two: replay the scene with Yackety Sax later in your head.

>>133372

>K-9 unit confirmed

>working at Major Chain Bookstore

>place used to be almost all human staff, bar that one lich who worked stock in the nonfiction section

>SUDDENLY COMPLAINING

>diversity hires happen

>most of them are okay, but one of them is this purple slime chick

>whenever she stocks stuff, there's slime on the book jackets

>my job has literally become "clean up after the grapist"

>this one faggot cat keeps lingering around and waiting for me to have to clean up the romance novel aisles so she can mock me

>grapist-chan keeps trying to get me to give the leftover slime a taste

>can't even get the manager to move her to the music & movies section where everything is shrink-wrapped and there's no risk of getting jelly on parts of the product that will stain

I need to transfer to a store that doesn't think slimes are good hires for bookstores, holy shit.

I'm back faggots!

>>133562

I don't know if this is racist or common sense…

>>133375

>>133408

>>133546

So yeah. It was an interesting night. I got into bed and suddenly Sarah was beside me, under the covers. Not so sure about this but she pulls me close and wraps herself around me. It was warm and sweet. Her crotch was pressed against my leg and I could feel the wetness. It was a hundred degrees at least. I could smell the musky sweet-sour of her juice. Then she started humming. Think like the tune Quiet sings from MGSV but much longer. She was humming and humping my leg, giving me the most painful erection of my entire life.

Despite the pussy on my leg, I just drifted away.

Also, this morning I asked her if, when we go back to work, we would be a K-9 unit and she punched me in the shoulder and it started to bleed and she started crying again.

Going to my GP to get a consultation about my shoulder. All the stitches ripped but it's mostly scabbed over and I can feel it toughing up.

>>133574

>Also, this morning I asked her if, when we go back to work, we would be a K-9 unit and she punched me in the shoulder and it started to bleed and she started crying again.

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

>>133562

Can't she just wear gloves?

>>133625

I don't see much of anything.

>>133644

I can see it from here. It's either your browser, or hotwheels' site has decided you don't get a pic.

>>133051

>>133059

He can't keep getting away this this!

>>133675

It's probably my browser, because the pic isn't one of a lady with assets.

If you're still expecting a lady with assets by this point, I think you may have a serious disability of some sort.

>>133699

I didn't expect assets. I was just calling it as I saw it.

>>133574

LOVE HER FIVEEVER.

>>133703

Don't you mean calling it as you didn't see it?

>>133574

>>133625

>>133705

I'm sorry but this actually happened. This is being woven into the story from what actually happened last night. Yes, this is based on a true story.

Okay guys. My worst nightmare has literally come true tonight. I'm crying as I write this.

Here goes.

>Be me, Copfag.

>Going out to uncle's place because his family doesn't make much money and it was his birthday.

>Get there with everyone else, about four more people, and bring all the stuff inside.

>One uncle, we'll call him Dave, is the sick one.

>Did a lot of drugs and drinking in his younger years and is now paying for it.

>The other, we'll call him John, is super racist and into "God" or at least his version of it…And he hates monster girls.

>Anyway, he arrives like two minutes after everyone else with two others, while Sarah and I were with a couple of my cousins out back, catching up.

>I had my pipe, so did another cousin and we were all having a nice little time.

>Everyone's all concerned about my bullet hole and when I assure them that it's fine, they demand that I show them.

>Anyway, we loose track of time and we spend something like two to three hours outside, I refilled my pipe twice (not healthy, I know but indulge every once in a while, especially on your uncles birthday.)

>Dinner's all made and we head inside.

>John looks up and sees Sarah.

>He nearly spit out the wine he's drinking.

>He spoke with utter malice. "Hey look, a stray wandered in."

>Now Sarah was about six foot, nine with gorgeous red hair. Today she was wearing a nice deep red skirt and a white blouse that tucked in her tummy but pushed up her breasts. In short, a fucking knockout to any girl in the world.

>She looks around for a second thinking that there's a dog or cat somewhere before she looks back up at him and squints.

>I can hear her thinking 'Oh, it's one of you…A racist.'

>>133897

>Anyway, John brought this hundred dollar roast and had just finished cooking it and lay it all out to be served. He also bought a fifty dollar bottle of wine to do with it.

>It's not a big house but we all huddle around a round table with the kids at a separate one.

>Dinner goes fairly well, apart from John refusing to serve Sarah and making other little racist comments throughout the meal.

>Dave, however, seems quite taken with her. Asking about her time in the police force and how we met and all manner of other things.

>The family is having their own conversations but even they seem to quiet down a little when she laughs.

>It's beautiful and, like the rest of her, perfect.

>I reach for the wine and offer others some, and get to pouring.

>I get to Sarah when john says. "Isn't alcohol poisonous to dogs?"

I reply before anything even tries to get going between the two. "Yes, alcohol is very damaging to domestic dogs. It can cause severe brain damage and death. Wine is especially dangerous because it's made of grapes."

>He snorts. "In that case pour a double for the mutt."

>Sarah's head drops immediately and I could see her trying to scrunch herself up.

The room is quiet now, and you could cut the tension with a knife. I pour Sarah a glass and set the bottle in the middle of the table. "I do not like your tone. Especially toward my girlfriend."

>He says nothing and takes a sip.

>I begin making conversation with the other people and clasp Sarah's paw under the table.

>After a few minutes, she opens up again and is talking like before.

>Dinner's about over by now and we're about to cut a great big ice cream cake.

>We all sing HBday and Dave takes the first slice as is customary.

>It's fucking delicious.

>Vanilla coating with a chocolate base and little chocolate cookie crumbs in the middle.

>Cake's done and we're in the living room, all talking.

>Sarah's in my lap, much to the chagrin of John, with an arm draped over my shoulders, leaning on my good side with her legs crossed.

>It's actually very cute and she looks very fetching. (pun intended.)

>John starts this wild rant about how MGs are a sin and how they're the work of the devil and all manner of nasty things.

>The last straw was when he pointed directly at Sarah and said. "You are an abomination of nature and you should be burned!"

That's it. Gloves off. "How's your glass house treating you, John?"

>That throws him for a sec. "What?…"

I nudge Sarah off me and wrap my good arm around her shoulders and grasp her paws with my other. "In biblical scripture, it says that 'he is without sin may cast the first stone' so I just wanted to know how many walls need replacing."

>He doesn't have a comeback for that so he just launched into another tirade about racism and MGs.

>>133898

>I decide that this is not worth my time and the night's already been ruined so I stand up and pull my GF up with me. I want out.

>John blocks my path. "Where do you think you're going? This is about you?"

"Yes, I deduced that. Somewhere between you berating my girlfriend and telling me what a piece of shit I am."

>"You don't talk back to me like that. I'm your uncle now show me some respect!"

"I do not show respect to those who have not earned it."

>I make to move but he pushed his body right up against mine.

Now, I need to tell you all something. About eleven, twelve years ago, I was the victim of a rape that lasted for three years. This is also true. I never told anyone about it because the guy said that he'd kill my mum. I was a pre-teen. What was I going to do when a guy with a huge knife threatens to kill my parent?

>When he pushed himself into me, I saw the guy.

>As much as I hate to say it, I panicked. I got really fucking scared.

I push him back, not too hard but enough to get him back a step. "Back up! Now!"

>He presses himself against me again. "What are you going to do? You can't even get a real girl."

"Don't go there."

>"Don't go there? You go in dog pussy!"

"Stop…"

>"Stop what, I'm saving you from yourself! Sit down!" And he pushed me back, right into Sarah.

>We both go to the floor, my wounded arm smacking the ground and the back of my head hitting the coffee table, and giving me a hellish pain.

>I yelp, yes yelp, in surprise and horrible pain. I feel wet on my hand and look to see blood. My fucking wound opened again. It'll never heal at this rate.

>Sarah is on me in a heartbeat, asking me if I'm okay.

>I nod and stand back up.

I attempt to get past John but he blocks the way again. "Please move. I'm not in the mood now."

>"Not in the mood for what? You're sick man. You're fucking a daemon bitch!"

I held up my finger. "Please don't cross that line again. Please."

>"There is no line to cross with you, you slime ball. You make me sick." And he grabbed the wounded shoulder with all his strength, digging his thumb into the bullet wound..

>I can feel the blood leaking down from the wound and soaking into my shirt.

>The pain was hellish. Worse then being shot. With the bullet, it was quick, in and out. With his thumb, it dug in and stayed there.

>He moved me by my shoulder over to the side of him and started screaming something at me, I couldn't tell thought the haze of pain.

>It was only then that I took a look at everyone. They were all looking at us, some at John in horror and some at me in disgust.

>Then I looked at Sarah. Her hands were covering her mouth and the flames around her eyes had almost gone out.

>Then they burst to life with an overwhelming wave of heat and she lunged at him.

>I pulled my body away from John and used my other hand to push his arm away. Then I jumped and intercepted Sarah.

>I slammed into her and we both slammed into the floor, her barking and snarling with flamed so hot, it was hard to be close and me begging her to stop.

I pulled her head to look at me and said. "Sarah, he's not worth it…He's not worth it. Don't prove him right."

>She looked at me for a second, flames rapidly dousing as she came back.

"That's it. Come back to me. Come back to me, he's not worth it anyway, just come back to me."

>The flamed finally rolled back to a normal level for her and she smothered her face in my chest and shuddered in small, week sobs.

>Meanwhile, John was going on and on about how "that thing" almost attacked him and how they're all like that.

>I somehow, got Sarah up and we went outside into the four degree weather.

>After a while, we just left. There was no point in staying for anything else and I had no interest in ever seeing John again.

Anyway guys. I got some fresh bandages back on the wound. Doc says that it'll take another three days on top of the week before I can return to duty. I just don't know what to do guys. I just feel like a broken man… At least I have Sarah.

Scratch that… All I need is Sarah.

>>133899

Listen to your own advice. He's not worth it. I grew up in the South, I knew and am related to plenty of people like that. Even my dad, who's a great guy, will open a sentence with "I'm not racist, but…" and then say something really offensive. And then there are those who are trying to "preserve humanity" by outbreeding the mamono, without stopping to think that maybe they should focus on quality over quantity if they really want to strengthen humanity.

Write him off, focus on healing yourself. Not just your shoulder either. There's got to be a psych counselor or something for the force you can talk to.

>>133899

Sounds like the only monster there was him. It's a shame when something like empathy dies inside a person and they become a bitter, venomous shell of themselves.

I'm hoping you pressed charges for assault, but I figure you probably haven't.

>>133625

I just realized that male cam models could make bank in MG world.

>>133899

>Assaulting an officer of the law, even an off duty one.

>Assaulting an INJURED officer of the law who obtained said injury on duty.

Thats a fucking paddlin right there, there will be nothing left of his ass before he even gets to jail when/if better be fucking when mate the force hears about this real life or not. But now for the important real life question.

Was she black?

Or was she a dog?

>>133977

THIS THIS THIS

>>133897

>>133898

>>133899

>True story

I'm just sorry you had to go through that. Some people in life are just shitheads, and sometimes we have the misfortune of being related to them. At least that's what my shrink says

>>133638

Funny thing, ha ha, I already tried suggesting that to the boss. This is how I got assigned to cleaning up the grape jelly.

>>133991

…you have a really shitty boss.

Have the slime wear gloves anyway.

>>133904

>>133913

>>133917

>>133922

>>133938

>>133957

>>133968

>>133977

>>133981

Suspension of disbelief breaking trigger warning!

Real quick, I'm not an actual officer but I want to be one more then anything. Sorry to shatter your suspension of disbelief but I want to make it very clear that any resemblance to anyone/thing is coincidental. I'm not impersonating an officer or attempting to and while I want to be one in the future, I'm not one now. Please bring any real problems to your local police and not to me. Sadly, there was no girl but I thought it worked better with Sarah there. Rape Trigger > Also, regarding the rape. I have worked thought it and I eventually did tell my mother. I have been to counseling and I feel like I have gotten to a point in my life where I believe that it no longer controls me. With my uncle, though. I had a flashback and then he yelled at me for an hour and a quarter. I no longer will have any contact with him and I'm thinking about filing charges on grounds of emotional damage. I was thinking about suicide yesterday and today but It's died down now. Anyway how could I rob you fuckers of hilarious Copfag stories?

Let's get back to it then

Thank you all for your support. I had a conversation with the precinct's councilor. He called me after-hours after He got a call from Sarah about concern for my well-being. I might file charges or I might not. It depends on what he does now. I'll tell you one thing though. There is no way in hell that I'll ever forgive him for this.

Last night when we get home, we just both went to bed. Nothing was really said but I could tell that she was uncomfortable around me. We talked for a but when we woke up but she assured me that it was just her. She just felt really bad for me because I had to deal with a man like that in my family.

>>134085

Your uncle sounds like a real piece of shit. Also if you're feeling down, just think of your waifu's reactions to if you weren't around for her anymore. doitforher.jpg

>>134085

What happened with your real uncle? If he was just a racist, why did he hurt you?

Sorry if it evokes painful memories

>>134085

yeah, to be honest, I figured as much. Hell, I said I was a principal in the last thread and I'm still finishing senior year of high school. Stay strong, Copfag. We've all been in a bad place.

I gotta stop eating out so much.

>long day of work

>payday, sweet

>I decide to go to Pizza Hut for some pizza

>Oh shit, it's the same succubus from my visit to Burger Queen and she's working there!

>Maybe nothing will happen

>I got in line and everyone placed their order and now it's my turn

>"I want three pork sausage pizzas, medium please"

>Sausage? Mr. Anon, are you sure you do want aaaaachovies?

>she jumps over the counter and bends over showing her half naked body

>this succubus was working half naked

>a little boy with his dad said, "Daddy, that girl needs a doctor, someone took her pee-pee and replaced it with old ham!"

>suddenly the manager shows up

>thank goodness…or not because he smacks her ass and shouts like Billy Mayes

>IF YOU FUCK THIS PHAT ASS IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, ILL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER! THATS RIGHT SIX PIZZAS FOR THE PRICE OF THREE!

>everyone else left, now disgusted by this display

>I just wanted some pizza

>I broke down and got my three free pizzas

>Now I full of greasy pizza and shame

>>134134

>Feeling ashamed in wanting free pizza and free sex

what the hell is wrong with you anon? You should always eat out when you eat out.

Wait why did her manager want to give you double the pizzas just for fucking his employee?? This doesn't benefit the restaurant at all.

>>134134

What an unprofessional bint.

>>134168

Yes, please tell us the address so we know never enter such establishment.

I was live today with a lolified manticore showing me the ropes. I know someone from here was watching the stream because a viewer asked me to pose like in that picture I posted after the Satyros riot, only hanging from manticore girl's tail instead of an airborne staff.

Manticore girl said she joined the Sabbath because juvenile barbs are worth a whole lot. Usually, they're a rare commodity because, of course, manticores grow up and their venom matures. The barbs of a manticore just on the very edge of puberty have a bit of a mellower effect. It's really nice for yuri, as I found out when the stream started getting good. And they're an ingredient in certain potions, including the temporary lolification one that I delivered to pizzaboy's mom. I just told her to only drink it when she and her husband have 48 hours free together and don't need to go anywhere or do anything important. Can't wait to hear about the results.

So yeah, Sarah went back to work today. They were understaffed and so much shit happened today. I'm itching to get back out there but I know that I need to take my time and let my body do it's thing.

I just feel like I'm useless doing nothing but reading about Canmusu Sort of a monster Canada. Also, Florida man ref. man.

Anyway, when Sarah left today, she gave me this…grin and said. "I'll be seeing you later…"

I'm scared. If I don't post tomorrow, send halp and a new pelvis.

>>134485

If you have time and are physically capable, you should cook dinner for her *cough* rare steak *cough* , and surprise her with it when she gets home (assuming she is staying with you currently).

>>134485

>>134489

I cooked her dinner. I made a couple of delicious New York strip in a cast iron with a bit of butter, rosemary, pepper, salt and fresh garlic cloves. Then I put on some potatoes loaded with oregano, a pinch of salt and a little Parmesan cheese. Roasted carrots and sprouts as well.

Time for a greentext.

>Be me, Copfag at home.

>Makin dinner for QT hound GF.

>Get everything set just before she walks in.

>Also, she said that she will be moving in with me by the end of the week, if that's okay.

>Surprising but K.

>Anyway, she walks in and smells the cooking meat.

>Follows her nose.

>Sees me sitting in the dining room with a nice meal.

>It's not formal or anything but I've got a few candles and a bottle of wine so it's romantic.

>She awwws and hugs me.

>Sits down and just smiles at me.

>We eat a fucking amazing meal.

>I swear, if I hadn't become a cop, I could easily be a chef.

>Sarah keeps giving me these cute little glances.

>We finish and migrate to the couch.

>Sara's beside me.

>"Thank you for dinner, love. It's was amazing."

I smiled at her. "It was my pleasure."

>That grin came back. "I think that you deserve a little reward for being so nice."

>She swung her leg over me so that her crotch was pressed into mine.

>"How sweet you are making me such wonderful food. Such succulent meat. But I'd like a different kind of meat now." She ground her moist crotch into mine for emphasis.

>It be mah time.

>Then she slides, almost like liquid, off my lap and onto the floor.

>She cups my dick through my jeans.

>Nearly shreds my pants getting them off.

>Actually does rip my boxers to shit.

>She holds my dick for just a moment, almost to admire it before swallowing the whole thing in one smooth movement.

>Her mouth is hot, almost uncomfortably so but then she starts moving.

>The blast of comparatively cold air when she lifts her mouth off me is a simulating experience.

>It feels like someone is dousing my shaft in ice water but the head is in a furnace.

>Her tongue is swirling around the head and her cheeks are distended.

>It's not long before the texture of her mouth, the heat and her tongue overwhelm me.

>I cum but she's still in control.

>My dick twitches but she clamps her lips around the base of my shaft, only letting a trickle of jizz escape witch she then sucks though.

>But when she sucks, her lips loosen letting more cum though.

>Then she'll clamp her lips closed and roll the cum in her mouth, savoring the taste before doing it all again.

>My mind was blank. There was literally no feeling in my legs.

>Sarah crawled up next to me on the couch and lay her head on my chest.

>We sleep like that until morning.

Guys…No pelvis breakage. She didn't even want any sex…Either my hellhound is broken or she actually cares more about me then sex. For a hellhound, nothing is more important then sex.

>>134621

Moar

Reminds me of my waifuhound. She was very shy and reserved at first (raised by strict southern Baptists), but as we got to know each other better, she opened up and our love for each other has been so amazingly strong ever since.

>>134621

Since she seems to be reserved for a hellhound at least, you better make her first time with you special like on your wedding night.

>>134621

This means she really cares about you. Make your first time together special as >>134671 said.

On wedding night

>>134456

If pizzaboy's dad wanted a flat chest on wife, then why doesn't he just go for breast reduction?

>>134085

Follow your dreams, Copfag. Good luck in the real world.

>>134621

>stoopping a /fit/ six foot nine hellhound after her man was insulted AND injured

Fear this man. Fear this man a lot. I seriously don't know how the fuck that happened. Last time I heard of someone insulting a hellhound's other half it ended with first responders picking up the victim with a shop vac because the pieces were too small to do anything else with. Oh, one thing about your hellhound copfag: prepare your pelvis. She sounds like she loves you, and when you two finally get around to sex she might not have as much self control as she normally does.

>>134621

And he doesn't even realize what he's done. My dear copfag, you've done the nigh impossible. You've managed to flip a hellhound's loyalty switch. You're alpha over her. Nothing else would have gotten her to back down from manually separating your uncle. I don't really think I have to tell you, but don't abuse this.

>>134696

That's like saying if a guy wants a Porsche, why doesn't he just hammer the roof of his VW Microbus into a more aerodynamic shape?

Today was fucked up. Manticore dared me to try a tiny bit of KP powder live on the stream. I don't even remember half of what happened, I had to watch the capture afterward. So if you want to see a witch do a pole dance first in a Tool t-shirt it's Buttercup's and Wonder Woman undies, then in absolutely nothing, then put a 3DS stylus in her peehole and take a good nine inches of a dildo designed for a centaur, get a Sabbath Media site membership. It'll all be in my stream highlights.

Never touch fuzzy, guys. It's not worth it.

>>135153

You work in an occult shop, you can look up the meaning of the cobra head.

>>135160

That's the first thing I did.

And while there is a long, storied tradition of young magi using obscure ingredients for pranks, there is nothing on the possible meaning of a cobra head.

See, the thing is we have a lot of cobras in stock right now…

>>135185

Shit. Just got an email from work.

Were apparently getting a new "Very young" intern.

This does not bode well for an already toxic situation.

>>13471 Thank you…!

>>134966

>>135151

I mean, I don't see myself as the alpha or anything. It's just the fact that we're in a relationship like that. Maybe she's just shy. I mean, I didn't do anything that would be dominating or anything even remotely close.

>>135153

Make a report. Son, if you've pissed off the wrong people, only we can save you now.

>>135201

Of course you don't. If you did, and were actually trying to be dominant, that would have triggered the natural hellhound dominance reaction. That's why doing what you did is so rare. You can't be overtly dominant, because that makes it a battle, and you can't be passive either.

>>135201

It's really not safe for me to call the cops. That's how they got my Dad.

>>135212

There's a story here.

>>135151

Maybe because he wants to fuck someone who has height, hips, and ass?

>>135384

>>135488

It has less to do with where I work and more to do with where I live. Let's just say I'm pretty lucky to have this job and that's all I have to say about that.

Anyway some nasty shit happened today so I just wanna pass out and die.

Not so much service industry, but I work with MGs all the same

>Work at Orphanage. Parents are directors of the whole operation (Mother changed into a Holstaurus when I was younger, so it became an Orphanage for Humans and MGs.)

>Coworkers are MGs, some who are parents themselves, some who want to practice caring for children for when they become parents themselves one day.

>The latter often make passes at me seeing how capable I am with children despite me not being married.

>The kids we take in are varying cases. Some are rather simple and easy to deal with, others not so much.

>One of our cases was one MG Child, a Wurm to be exact (Around the age of 6), however not like many of the others, she was often shy and withdrawn for some reason. Never really utters a peep or displays emotion, even when snacks are brought out. (Which for a Wurm; is rather surprising)

>Various members of the staff, including myself tried working with her one on one for months on end with no progress at all, felt like a lost cause.

>My parents after seeing that no progress was made brought in a shrink to see what was wrong with her.

>Turns out it's PTSD

>We found at a car crash site near the orphanage, only her father was in the vehicle, even then she displayed no emotion when her father died. She was just seen at the site bruised and cut up and milling about dazed.

>From the way she acted; (same way she is acting now).

>Shrink said that she could come around should she get the right care (Have had her for a year from when we found her)

>I keep at it, day by day, like chipping away at a sculpture to give it shape, I redoubled my efforts to help her. (Parents specifically assigned me to her until she improves her morale)

>Usually did various activities, taking her out to the park, coloring/painting, even letting her help out in the kitchen when making snacks for the others.

>Well about a month or two passed since the diagnosis; it was during that time I found out what happened to make her like this. (The extra time with me may have opened her up a bit; but perhaps it's MG's nature that started to override her disorder when around a man)

>During art, she painted a few pictures of what appeared to be the events leading up to the incident.

>Heavy amounts of domestic abuse from the time she was just an infant, maybe even before that.

>Her mother was a raging alcoholic and gambler. Surprised that her father was able to put up with it for that long, even before the child was born, or perhaps it was Stockholm syndrome.

>Her silence around us was perhaps fear that she would experience it again; especially since there were few men around to act like a father figure aside from myself and my old man.

Should I continue?

>>135683

Do it

>>135683

Okay, file charges. I think that the statue of limitations wouldn't have passed yet. Seriously, get a court order and drag the mother in. Show that little Wurm that people do care about her.

>>135687

>>135740

Since you asked

>The more time I spent with her, the more she started to open up. She became a little less silent.

>It was about a couple of months after I started acting like a father figure towards her is when she started talking to me.

>We were at the park like we always were every tuesday. Sitting on a bench, eating ice cream, since it was summer.

>She looked up at me and spoke very shyly; "Thank… Thank you"

>At first I was rather surprised that she even spoke. But I also decided it was the best time to ask some questions

>I started to inquire a bit about her "So what is your name?"

>"Kathy" she replied in a soft spoken tone.

>"So Kathy, do you like living where you are now?"

>She nodded and smiled weakly

>"That's good, it's good to hear you are happy where you are."

>I continued "It may be a bit much to ask you this, but can you tell me what happened when we found you?"

>She looked down and a bit sad.

>"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I was just curious as to why."

>She began to speak "Mama…"

>"Mama kept hurting Papa… She comes home every night smelling funny."

>"I hear them fight, Papa tries to stop her but always gets hurt."

>"I… I wanted to help Papa, but… but…" Kathy stopped speaking while holding back tears.

>I then tried to piece together the picture "So you and your father ran away then?"

>She looked up at me surprised. "How did you know?"

>"Well it wasn't that hard really. Your Dad most likely wanted you to have a better life; those pictures you painted just made it easier to know what happened."

>I asked her another question "Did you know what happened that caused the crash?"

>She nodded weakly. "Papa started getting sleepy while he was hurt, and then…"

>I stopped her "That's enough, you don't need to say anything more."

>She then asked me a question "Why are you asking me this?"

>"Because you were sad, you always were when we found you. Maybe, it may have been your Dad was looking for a place like ours for you."

>We finished our snacks and returned back to the orphanage

>Reporting what I learned to my folks we sent out a report to the local police of long term domestic and mental abuse and possibly 2nd degree murder.

More to come soon.

>>135961

I just phoned Cap and asked her to look into this. I got a talking to but I insisted that she do this.

She also asked me to come in tomorrow just for administrative stuff so I'll try and take a personal look into this.

I can't believe this. It makes me sick that a mother could do this to her child.

I promise you, we'll find out what happened.

>>135683

>>135961

Make sure to tell the little one to never treat people like her mom treated her dad.

>>135995

that's assuming her mom was a wyrm and not a human

>>136115

…even if she was monsterized, or a stepmother, that still doesn't mean she couldn't be a horrifying pathetic shit.

>>135683

>>135961

>>136110

>>136115

Alright guys. I just got back home. Paperwork is not only boring but there was a surprising amount of lifting. Arm feels good and it's nice to be back at the precinct even though it's only to fill out some reports and ask a couple of questions.

Anyway, I looked into that Wurm you're taking care of. History of violence with the mother, multiple arrests for battery and domestic violence. She actually had a restraining order that expired in 2011 and even then, the guy took her back. He must've really loved her. They went to counseling, she was in an AA group and taking anger therapy.

The night of the incident, police were called to a bar not going to give any names on account of her being rowdy and starting a fight. Details are sketchy after but it seems that she went home and beat the father nearly to death with Kathy watching. Then she passed out while the father got the daughter into the car and drove away. In his GPS was the address to a men's shelter. Along the way, he seemed to have passed out from blood loss and crashed. Kathy was thrown from the car but the father was DOA at the hospital. He had eight broken ribs, a broken jaw, a dislocated arm and twenty three punctures, most of witch were in his torso. When some of my colleges went to the house to question her, she responded with trying to stab one of the officers. She got tazed and tossed in a cell while we searched her home. In the sink, there was a pocket knife, covered in blood. She'll be charged with murder 2, attempted murder (police officer), assault with a deadly weapon, child endangerment and a bunch of other stuff.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think about this. The father loved her so much that even after all of this, he still took her back and what does she do? She kills him. He didn't drop dead in the house but her actions caused his death and very nearly cost the life of her daughter.

I'm sorry man. I really wish that I could have done something…

Orphanon here again

>A little while passed since the report was filed

>We got a call from the police that they were able to arrest the mother following an investigation based on the evidence and data on Kathy's Birth Certificate (We were able to find the hospital where she was delivered and get that to help)

>Turns out Mama Wurm has a bit of a criminal record that her husband didn't know of; or if he knew, he kept quiet for the child's sake. >According to a medical examination done upon her arrest; to see if she was fit for trial she happened to have a significant amount of intellect for her species; it's considered a very rare mutation, since most Wurms as some here stated do not have as advanced a brain compared to other MGs; she may have been born from an Echidna parent and/or was raised by an Amazoness.

>We went to the trial, myself being a key witness to Kathy's development and offering testimonies and the evidence of the pictures she drew. Combine that with the evidence of the car crash and the autopsy of her father and it was quite the open and shut case.

>Mother actually had to not only be put in a special supermax prison, built for those like her, but was to be sterilized for her actions against her own daughter. (Trust me, you can sterilize MGs; the prison itself hired a very powerful Biomancer specifically for that case; I only heard rumors but they go as this; he considered it a necessary service to children to sterilize a piece of shit like her.)

>>136110

We actually did adopt her once we found her Birth Certificate, we were considering it after I was able to help her get over her problems; she is actually doing well with the other kids, however it took about another half a year to help her get over her problems; she still has a little difficulty with some repressed memories that come to the surface from time to time, but like anything, time will heal her wounds.

since copfag is posting here and may know something about how to deal with this, I may as well post my only real mamono retail story.

>working at a gun store in the bumfuck south

>buisness is good since the local dicks sporting goods was shut down over truth in advertizing claims.

>normally a store like this would only be full of Fudds but, it's manlet city here

>no really, there was a serious petition to change the name of the city to something like that.

>pretty much just means that we just stock Swords and lances too.

>mamono are *really* rare in this town

>only time that I can remember seeing one in the store was when an elf came in and immediately bought a $8000 sako

>boss is brotier, 2 tours of duty and was a sheriff's deputy for decades.

>owns practically an eighth of the state and has at least a half dozen registered machine guns

>married to the nicest and only Dullahan I have ever met

>one day a kinda disheveled dude in a really oversized hoodie comes in

>looks like they must be wearing a hat and a backpack under the hoodie.

>barely looks 22

>normally would be really suspicious, but he immediately heads toward me and asks about getting mace or a tazer

>talk a bit about the different types of deterrent sprays and tasers.

>ask him what exactly he wishes to defend himself from, as giving him a taser if he fears bear attacks is a really bad Idea

>says that a group of manlets has been really harassing him.

>kinda prying, I ask why a manlet would be harassing a guy.

>simply replies; "i'm an alp"

>"a what?"

>I suppose I should mention that I can't even tell a slime from a kelpie even on a good day.

>tell him that he is probably the third mamono that I had ever met.

>first he explains something about pronouns, But I honestly could not follow it well.

>he ends up giving me his whole life story and tells me that he apparently turned not even two weeks ago.

sorry, but you can just lose your dong? just like that?

please, never leave me Richard

> spent the first two days just lying in a puddle of tears and self loathing

>He is on really thin ice with his family, who end up being rather prominent in the manlet following.

>when his father learned that his son turned into a literal demon, he was on the brink of disowning him right then and there.

>instead, try to "pray the lust away"

>mostly includes being locked in the basement and getting holy water thrown at him occasionally

>did I mention that his family is also heavily involved in the church?

>day or two ago he tried sneaking out to get to the only mamono support group in town

>didn't even know how to hide his horns, tail, or wings. or even why he felt starving despite eating normally

> got jumped by a group of followers after sneaking out and trying to get to a mamono support group

> beat him so hard that he broke off about an inch off his horn, tied his tail to a lamp post, and cut a hole in one of his wings.

>apparently this was a warning, and if they see him again, they will exterminate him on sight.

>tried to hide his injuries from his family, but they end up screaming at him for going in public

>after an hour of talking to me, he says that he wanted some mace or something to scare them off if they come back, but he doesn't want to hurt anyone.

>I tell him that all the mace in the world won't be able to truly keep him safe if these men really want him dead.

>tell him that If he wants to keep himself safe, he needs to be able to do everything he can to keep himself safe.

>set him up with a used SR9c and a holster with two boxes of gold dots

>also set him up with a CC course with a friend of the owner. (also brotier, and should be fine with him)

> paid with hit birthday money, as that was all he had to his name

>it just barely covered the costs of things. (even after nearly every discount I could give the guy.)

>kid managed to crack a joke about not needing lunch money anymore since he lives off of semen now apparently.

>laugh about it since I actually had something relating to that

> gave him some of the semen packs the owner's wife was gifted (she doesn't need or want them, and they were sitting in the back of the break room fridge for a while)

>at this point it is nearly time to close up shop, and i'm the only one who can close out the registers.

> I let him know that I need to close up shop, but he can stay here until I have to lock the door.

>spend that time talking idly about vidia stuff.

>when time comes to close up, I tell him that he is a good kid, and while this isn't a arcade, he is welcome to hang around if he feels scared, and the owner will back me up on this.

>kid profusely thanks me and headed out.

This was about a month ago. never heard from him since.

I asked the guy who ran the CC course I suggested him to about him. Told me that he was one of the better students that he had, and really needed it as the kid barely understood magic.

Man, while I really feel kinda terrified of the whole "alping" thing, or monsterization in general, I feel really bad for that kid. I only hope he managed to get himself in a better place.

>>136392

>>136393

>>136394

>>136395

I'd ask around. Seriously, contact everyone that kid had contact with. If he was part of a Sabbath, he'd have a coven that you could contact. I know that there's some magic bullshit that recently transformed Mamono's give off that a witch can track. If he's missing, file an MPR with your locals. I know that it's not much but if a paper trail is filed, then at least we can find out where he is and if he's still sucking air.

I don't want to be callous or anything but if he tried confronting those bastards that warned him, he might have tried to pull on them. Honestly, you should have gone to the cops or a monster support group and told them that there was someone in need. Anyway, if he's still alive, try and contact him. Alps very rarely forget when someone helped them.

I mean, shit man, you even set him up with some food. He'll remember you.

>>136405

the sabbath? I Honestly doubt that there would be any of their influence anywhere near this town. and If a witch came anywhere near him, his family, or his house, she would probably be killed on *sight* it gets that bad in this town.

I mean half the reason this town exists is that a huge influx of manlets moved out here to create their own safe haven from the mamono.and that support group actually got Firebombed a few weeks back. nobody died, but it burned down the old library it was in.

my boss does know about this kid, and since he was here far before the influx of manlets, he was cool with what I did. kinda said it was not that different from one of the battered wives he had come in here.

he still has a few contacts in the force, and even in federal police, so he can probably ask a favor from someone and see if they can track him down.

And I seriously doubt he would have tried to confront his harassers. this was a rather timid kid, and I can only imagine that whoever attacked him must have been someone notable in the manlet community.

plus, if the kid even had scared them off, the local paper "The righteous tribunal" would have been spouting things for weeks about "the forces of corruption assaulting the leaders of our community" or some other drivel.

honestly, I've kinda kept my head down. my college is run by one of the manlet leaders, and If i started advertizing that I had been helping a alp, my grades would plummet. it's supposed to be my ticket out of here, not my ball and chain!

>>132980

Why would an oni hit her guy if she's in love with him?

>>136110

>wurms don't deal well with change because they're not the brightest bulbs in the factory

Hey that is kinda racist. The chair for quantum physics at my university is led by a wurm. And she is one of the most brilliant people in the field.

I mean sure she is a little ditzy now and then and there was that time she completely forgot to prepare a final exam for her course. Or that other time she panicked because she was late for a lecture and ran straight through a wall.

Or that one time the high energy department had to be shutdown for a week, because one of her coworkers asked her out on a date and she panicked again… anyway my point is for a theoretical physicist she is fairly normal.

>>136465

in my experience, most highly educated professionals are practically retarded in other fields of knowledge. try asking a doctor for help with your computer and they won't be able to tell a web browser from excel.

that wurm sounds better adjusted than some guys I know who run engineering firms.

>>132674

Mcdicks has 40 chicken nuggets for like 9.99.

it's a good deal.

>>136460

maybe the guy tried leaving her? or maybe she just ran dry. I may not know much about the different mamono, but hell, drunkards are all the same.

>>136495

yeah, like I said earlier I plan to get out of town once I get my degree in optical sciences. it's kind of a pain that one of the best colleges in this field is tied to this town. but with this field being so close-knit, I don't have many choices.

by the way, when I was talking with some friends about our studies,one of them joked that I oughtta marry a monoeye. any Idea what they were going on about? they keep saying it every time I see them, and it's getting old.

The all-witch band i.b.t.c is playing next weekend not far from where I be, and if I get the tickets through the local Sabbath chapter I get a huge discount. I know not everybody's into bubblegum metal, but how can you not love a sound that's half Aqua and half Avenged Sevenfold?

Anyway, I was going to buy a pair for you, copfag, and your girl as a bit of an apology for the Satyros fiasco, but when I told new Boss about my intention she insisted on paying for them herself and witch courier them to you, so look forward to some ticket vouchers.

Other news, pizza parents loved the potion, and pizzamom wants to go fulltime.

>>136495

Do not even get me started on the stories I have of being hit on by the volunteers and/or the hazards I experienced. Some join just to try and get my attention.

Some examples of what I went through:

>I've been pulled into the fountain in the front of the orphanage by a Sahaguin

>My clothing stolen when I shower (Which happens about 2-3 times a week)

>Plied with Alcohol by Oni Twins (Both Red and Blue Respectively). Woke up with a massive hangover and bruised all over.

>Shot at perhaps 20-30 times in 1 day by a Cupid (Turned into a freaking pin cushion)

>Made to wear chains to Humor an Anubis Pre-teen we have to try and "Cheer her up"

>Nearly ensnared by an Alraune who took up residence in the Garden

>Almost made myself deaf/insane trying to get a Gandarva's music from affecting me from doing my job out of my head.

>2 Steps away from being taken to Royal Demon Realm by an overzealous Baphomet who wanted me to be a "Big Brother" to a whole Sabbath.

>Almost claimed by a large Khepri group during a field trip to a Museum to make me part of a "Display"

>Nearly drowned when a Kraken who we hired to help us tour an Aquarium thought it would be a brilliant idea to "Keep me from those filthy urchins"

>The whole damned Orphanage was in arms over 2 co workers fighting over me at once, and it became a literal civil war, even the children were taking sides.

Trust me, It would be nice to have a damned relationship if they weren't freaking gung-ho about "Proactively Dating" me.

>>136696

honestly, I kinda knew they were just Ribbing me about my degree. it's just kinda annoying when someone tells you a joke that goes right over your head, and then making fun of you for not getting said joke.

Though, if it a mamono in disguise they certainly made an odd decision to come to this town and to go as a Gay guy who is 15 years older than me, and studying mathematics. I actually kinda like the idea of writing about a gazer in disguise trying to date this character, but my writing is so shitty I would probably ruin the whole thing.

well, at least I now have something to work off of for a good comeback if he says that joke again

>>136658

hope copfag doesn't eat the tickets, who knows what might happen :^)

and boy, I see where pizzaschmoe gets it from!

>>136711

It would be deliciously ironic if this guy was driven into seeking a human girlfriend because of what his monstrous coworkers do to him.

>>136754

There's also another reason as to why I am hesitant.

That little squabble where the whole orphanage was divided (Which lasted a week BTW), it would get worse if I settled down with someone. The last thing you want is to have MGs fighting over you; as "hot" as that may sound to many to have that fantasy, it is something you do not want to see when you realize that it was because of you that they fought each other.

Really was contemplating suicide after the whole incident. I felt like total shit. I didn't leave my room for a whole month due to the depression.

>>136775

Damn, man. It's not your fault, alright? You didn't make those MGs fight - anything they did is on them.

Stay Determined!

>>136110

>Maybe that "very young" intern started and there's been a few fireworks go off at your shop from it?

oh yes. And even more. I'll get to it tomorrow. I haven't really had time to tell you guys about it though.

Orphanon again

Just finished a stint as a temporary employee for the ICU at a hospital in town. (Mostly doing usual bedside care for younger MGs who underwent various treatment)

>Arrived at the Hospital

>I went to the desk and gave them my name and was sent to the Director

>Met and had a small meeting with him before he directed me to the ICU. Told me about what I was to expect.

>The Director's reasoning for choosing me: after hearing about the whole ordeal Kathy went through, and how I handled it, I was picked to be an extra set of hands for dealing with Psychologically troubled MG Children. (Not a shrink, but would prove useful to at least smooth over any problems they may have)

I have several stories about the patients; which one do you guys want to hear about? There were several cases that I remembered quite well.

>Anubis with chemical burns

>Danuki child who was heavily disfigured in a Domestic Violence case (I mean to the point that she was missing a limb)

>Werecat who survived a oil tanker truck collision

>>136973

Anubis she reminds me of hanako then Danuki

>>136973

None.

>>136658

Thank you so much. Sarah loves that band! I just got the tickets from one of your girls and decided the check this thread. Also, I get to go back to work the day after the concert. The hole totally closed and everything inside has healed so all I need to do is go though a fitness evaluation and a firearms qualification then I'll be back out on the street. So yeah. Thanks.

>>136750

Why would I nom the tickets?

>>136976

Alright then

>I was making the usual rounds at the hospital, checking up on the patients to see if they needed anything, be it food, drink, or some other form of aid

>I was passing the 200s when I heard a voice call out to me, it was very weak. It was in room 203.

>When I entered I saw an Anubis attached to the usual hospital equipment.

>She was in rough shape, her arms and skin were covered in various locations, she looked to be more mummy than Anubis. From her appearance, I could gauge she may have been in her mid-teenage years.

>I was given a record of the patients of the ICU I was scheduled to help.

>According to the ICU Log the patient in 203 was the daughter of a chemical engineer

>They had a bring your child to work day event, the child however got the unfortunate end of the stick as during the tour for the children, there was a massive breach in one of the chemical vats which held a specialized caustic substance (It was to remove excess solidified Demonic energy to prevent Dark Matters from Coalescing and forming), so for MGs, it is extremely painful to come into contact with.

>She looked at me and spoke "You're not the doctor…"

>I shook my head. "No I'm just an extra set of hands here, but I can help if you need anything."

>"Can you… open the window for me?"

>I nodded and did as she asked.

>"Thanks." She then gazed out the window as if she was in a trance.

>I began to leave before I heard her call me again.

>"Nobody ever stays here… It gets lonely."

>"Well many of the staff have other patients. You can't expect anyone to stay when there are others who may have it far worse."

>"Oh…" She looked sad as she gazed out the window again.

>"Ok, maybe I was a bit harsh in saying that to you." I then pulled up a chair.

>She noticed my actions and turned towards me. "So that means you want to stay?"

>I sat down on the chair I pulled up "I suppose I could stay here for a little, after all I was commissioned here to act as a semi-psychologist of sorts. There anything you need to vent?"

>She looked at me with interest "Nobody ever wanted to see me after the accident. It's as if I don't even exist to them."

>"Easier to castigate than accept, after all. They are just afraid their own reputation will be tarnished by being around you, you know how individuals your own age group are."

>She got depressed "Even my own mom is mad at me."

> I laughed a bit "I don't think so."

> She seemed somewhat steamed "How do you know she isn't?!"

>I tried to quell her anger by explaining something "There is a difference between anger caused because someone wronged you, and anger out of concern, your mother most likely cared about you and is upset you got hurt, even moreso that you got caught up in the lack of safety at the facility, she most likely is upset at the setbacks caused by that chemical breach."

>I then continued "If anything, whoever was running the plant at the time should be the target of her anger, because of their incompetence, an innocent individual got seriously hurt."

>She pouted "But she told me to stay away from those vats, I didn't listen to her. My friends dared me to get closer."

>"Well it already happened, there is nothing you can do about it now, all you can do at this point is rest. If anything, I would look for new friends if I were you."

>Tears started to well up in her eyes "Nobody at school would want to be my friend after this, nor can I get a boyfriend. I'm hideous!"

>I got out of my chair, walked closer and hugged her in an effort to calm her down.

>Several minutes passed after that and she stopped crying.

>I stepped back and started to leave to head to another room to continue my duties before looking back to say something "Know this, they only seek to castigate you because they are afraid of getting in trouble for not listening to common sense. Keep your chin up, things may seem bad now, but I am sure with time it will get better."

>>137104

>Everybody hates me

>Oh yeah fam they're embarrassed to be around you

Are you sure you're good with kids

Kidding, do danuki next

Man, y'all pervs are weird. I know some of you have been following my stream because this thread gets discussed in the chat, and you guys have been requesting all kinds of kinky stuff. But then I bring my boy in, and then chat just wants to see me shower with him. Not complaining, mind you, nothing wrong with some nice shower sex, I just think it's funny.

>>137137

You should eat a bowl of eggs on your next stream

>>136715

Well now that I have more info it's nice to know I completely missed the mark. Hooray for Echidna anon being horribly wrong. Can't win them all, eh?

>>136775

I'll say just one more thing: one of the biggest issues IS your bachelorhood. If you were to settle down and give that wurm some other monster siblings your issues will stop so quickly it'll creep you out. Part of a monster making you theirs means other monsters won't make any more passes at you. And whatever you do don't listen to >>136754 because that's heresy that needs to be ignored

But time to rant abut my day at the shop because it was fucking stressful. Went to open up shop and my uncle and I found a small manlet posse waiting for us. The posse demanded my uncle hand over that "filthy demon spawning snake" and whatever other hellspawn he happens to be hiding or they'll purge him along with the monsters. Manlets started it all by pulling iron pipes on my uncle and I, and we ended up finishing it because attacking a 42 year old wizard and a pissed off echidna is never a good idea. So now we get to deal with the police investigators for the rest of the day when they get here. Just want to say it's not the law that's the problem, it's the paperwork they bring. That shit is hell. It's not going to be a big issue in the long run at least, manlets swung first and uncle's shop cameras got the whole "fight" on film. First responders already swept the trash into the garbage, just have to deal with the paperwork from the incident.

This little incident was posted on facebook a minute or so after everything ended. If the manlets wanted a hard time they're going to be getting one, as this is certainly …. one way of getting your name out there. Too bad it's in a place where monsters and humans get along. Alright, done ranting. It's nasty outside, I'm cold and miserable, and there's a significant other who asked if I needed to coil around him. Even brought one of the big fuzzy blankets so I'm not going to hang around here posting.

>>136973

Anubis for head-patting action

manlet city anon here, and I had one helluva monday.

>>137151

>I did manage to see my friend that kept joking to me about marrying a monoeye.

> brought up why he is so insistent about that, and his odd choice in *fashion*

>he just gave me a strange look said… something about knowing *exactly* what sort of things I like.

>for the life of me, I Can't remember *exactly* what he said.

> it was early in the morning and I must have been more tired than I thought.

writing skills be damned, i'll give this story my best shot.

>at work I had a pair of Fudds insisting that the Benelli M4 on the shelf behind me was a ithicaberg, and was what the muhreens used to hunt gooks back in 'nam.

> then scolded me for trying to correct them and that they served in the MUHREENS, and I should respect my elders.

>God I hate people who talk about things they know nothing about.

>by the way,remember how I said that there was a mamono support group that got firebombed a few weeks ago? well >today I had an officer come in and wanted to ask a few questions about that.

>said that given the standing of the city and the nature of the meetings there, the investigation is moving very slowly. >tells me that a notable piece of evidence was a half-burned handbag, which contained a receipt from our store.

>then tells me that the fire was started by a few pipe-bombs made with tannerite.

>just like the reactive targets we would sell.

>says that if the owner or I have anything we may know about the incident we should come forward but "subtly" states that they if the case keeps dragging on they are going to have to call in an ATF agent and drag us through the mud.

>Guy was a real asshole, let me tell you.

> could tell that he was one of the people who moved here when the big cities were emptying out, and thought he was some kinda noir detective with a chip on his shoulder

>strangest thing was later that day, some little girl wandered in.

>now some of our customers do bring in their kids, but this girl was here by herself.

>I ask her if she is looking for a parent or sibling or something.

>says that she is just here by herself and wanted to look around

>had to tell her that, I can't let anyone under 18 handle unless she is being supervised.

>"Oh, don't worry, i'm a pretty responsible girl."

>"yeah, and i'm an eighty foot tall crustacean from the paleozoic era."

>asks if she can at least hang around until her ride comes.

>"only if you give me tree fiddy"

>mostly just letting her stay so she doesn't get lost or kidnapped or something.

>asks a question or two while I am doing some paperwork at the counter.

>asks if there have been any really notable customers that I have seen here

> tell her about the two fudds that showed up earlier and how frustrating they were to deal with.

>she laughs like an old woman and says some people would be a whole lot nicer if they were her age.

>laugh at that since we get soo many elderly customers.

> she asks if I miss being a kid.

>"that's a helluva question to ask a stranger kid. but if I wanted to have trouble reaching the cabinets, i'll just walk on my knees for a while"

>I guess her ride must have gotten there, as she left pretty soon after that.

kid left a cosmetics bag here, and I only noticed it after I had to close up shop.

doesn't have a phone number or something on it so I can call and say she lost it.

The thing is really weird though, it *smells* pink. and you can notice it from the other side of the store.

>>137156

You gon get loli'd

>>137119

>This was perhaps the 3rd day on my stint at the hospital

>Getting the usual requests to bring them something to drink, read them something or try and entertain them in some way to help pass the time.

>"Ok, so next on my list to check up on is…" I flipped through the pages "Yua Hayashi, room 301"

>Yua was a Danuki, around the age of 10, the records shown that she was admitted after a horrible case of domestic violence; the extent was to the point that she lost her left leg, broken her left and right arms, got Tinnitus in her left ear, damage to her right eye, and had 3 shattered rib bones as a result.

>As I went to room 301, I ran into one of the doctors; an Arachne.

>She came up to me "Oh, you're the volunteer right?"

>I nodded "Going to see Yua Hayashi."

>She grimaced slightly after me speaking about that patient "Oh, I see. Truly horrible what she has been through."

>"Well that's what I am here for though." I replied in a curt manner.

>I continued on and reached 301. I knocked on the door, there was no reply, but the door was open. As I entered I saw her lying in bed, just staring at the wall, as if she was entirely in a different world.

>I sat down near her bed and looked at her "Yua, are you alright?"

>She responded in a faint manner. "Yes…"

>"Ah, good." I grabbed an apple from a bowl nearby and peeled it. Afterwards, putting it down and cutting it up into smaller pieces.

>I fed her the pieces of the apple (Her Jaw wasn't damaged, so she could eat normally)

>The tension was rather thick.

>She then spoke to me. "I don't feel good."

>I put my hand on her head and rubbed it to help calm her down. "I know. What they gave you is powerful medicine to help take the pain off, but it makes you feel real crummy"

>"Why did my mom and dad do it?"

>"I cannot say myself. All I can do is help you in any way possible."

>She spoke in a sad tone "My mom and dad. They always hurt me. Whenever I do something wrong, they hit me and call me names. They call me a failure, and no good. They keep saying I should die."

>She became more depressed "Did they… Did they not even want me?"

>I then placed both hands on the side of the bed and clench them, my knuckles becoming white "Don't ever say that about yourself! By saying that, you prove them right!"

>I then calmed down. "You are the one who determines your own worth as an individual, not anyone else. They may have given you life, but they do not have the right to take it as well. What they did was completely wrong."

>She was in awe after hearing what I said; I don't know if it was because someone actually said something nice about her, or that someone actually cared about her well being aside from being just another patient.

>I continued "What you said is nothing new that I have not heard before, I work at an orphanage, I have seen others in a similar state before. Parents telling their own children that they are worthless, left to die out in the cold, treated as if they are dead weight, unable to care for them due to their negligent ways."

>I teared up a bit. "It… makes me sick…"

>Yua then chimed in. "Mister, I'm sorry…"

>I shook my head. "No, it's just that… I am fed up seeing children like yourself suffering instead of living your lives as you should; getting an education, spending time with friends, enjoying the youth you have."

>Some time passed and both of us calmed down from our states of depression. I tried to do what I could to keep her entertained given that she could not use her hands due to broken arms.

>Soon it was time for me to leave. When I took my leave of the room I closed the door behind me.

>I thought to myself before leaving for the day "Maybe I am not really cut out for any of this…"

>>137137

I'm guessing the shower is meant to be symbolic?

>>137224

yes, to clean away her filth:^)

>>137224

>guys thinking about symbolism

>in a camwhore's porn stream

This is a thing that has never happened ever.

>>137156

There's chatter in the chapter that there's an intervention being mobilized in the South. Something tells me this city's going to be looking quite different before too long.

>>137231

>Raping

>A succubus

Unless they're married that's not possible, that's like saying you can rape 'rape'

>>137232

while that intervention certainly sounds ominous, this city could use a change for the better.

but the problem is when 1/5 of the populations of the cities on the east coast decide to move into your town, things tend to get a bit… unstable.

I am CONVINCED that someone here is going to try starting a new crusade.

>>137246

If it's that bad, then some group or other is bound to step in at some point. And there are a lot worse than the Sabbath. Look what happened to Detroit. Demon Realms are no joke.

>>137246

Be careful what you wish for dude. That's all I'm gonna say.

>>137231

Try to make time where you're away from her, without any contact, for a significant while. You're not going to clear the air by staying near her, and it'll give you the opportunity to see her true colours.

Just prepare some contingencies in case things go south. Someone may be trying to manipulate you.

>>137256

Detroit is a Demon Realm? I hadn't noticed. :^)

>>137256

uh yeah, someone already did. The manlets.

I guess when you are running from your homes to find somewhere to live unmolested, those guys almost seem like they have all the answers.

>>137261

wait a fucking second. did manlets autocorrect into "manlets"? if they did I was referring to the crusaders

>>137174

Continue pls

>>137262

P a l a d i n filters to manlets. It's a good chuckle since I'm also /fit/ so I find it funny

I just noticed that the previous thread had trip dubs and nobody checked them.

Saged for offtopic

Well since copfag was posting cop stories I guess I can post an EMT story

>Be me, EMT

>Be outside of a bar cleaning pepper spray out of a drunk manlet's eyes

>manlet apparently wouldn't stop hitting on a human girl

>Expected her to be into him because he trains to kill monsters all the time

>Human girl wasn't impressed, said she preferred the company of her Kraken girlfriend

>Upon realization that he was in the presence of the purest form of love, alcohol urged him to draw his sword and "smite the race traitor"

>Human girl hit him in the face with what must have been a 10-second burst of pepper spray before he could get it halfway out of the hilt

>Got there a few minutes after to find him sobbing in the fetal position

>Cops are there too because he still attempted assault

>4 Cops, 1 /fit/ as fuck human guy, 2 blue heh onis, and an ogre

>As I'm cleaning the manlet's eyes, another manlet keeps passing by giving the cops the stinkeye

>After the fourth time in like five minutes, Ogre Cop tells him to leave and not come back, or she'll arrest him for obstruction

>He comes back

>Not only does he come back, he "accidentally" shoves Ogre Cop with his shoulder

>itsallogrenow.exe

>He has the nerve to act surprised when four cops tackle him and throw him on the hood of a squad car

This motherfucker couldn't have been 5'4" and he's picking a fight with three huge mamano and a guy that looked like he could beat a manticore in an arm wrestling match. manlets are fucking stupid.

First writefag, please rate

So today, we went out, Sarah and I, to get her some stuff. She asked me to let her be the one in control in public. Apparently it's for my own safety.

Did you know that Cinnabon has two types of sauce? Did you also know that only one of them is actually icing? Time for a greentext!

>Be me, Copfag.

>Out with Sarah to get her some new cloths.

>Apparently her shoes don't fit right anymore so yeah.

>Also, did you know that a hounds measurements can change at, seemingly, random.

>We get her some panties and she asked my opinion on, and I quote, "What ones would you like to pull off me?"

>We do all that then stop for a snack.

>In line at Cinnabon.

>Some fucking tumblrina is at the front getting angry for the Angel cashier calling her "ma'am".

>SJW storms off in a huff (weighing at least 500 lbs.).

>We get to the front.

>Fucking QT Angel taking order.

>Her voice is breathy and warm, "Welcome to Cinnabon, may I ask what you'd like?"

>Sarah orders because, you know, appearances and all, "I'd like one cinnamon roll and two medium coffees please."

>Angel puts the order in and says. "7.35, please."

>I pay.

>Sarah. "I'd also like one cup of icing and one of the special icing."

>"Yes ma'am." and hands her two small tubs of white liquid.

>We go and sit down at one of the tables.

>I wait for her to take the first bite.

>Honestly, it irks me. I just don't understand why we can't be equals in the public eye.

>She cuts it in half and drowns each half in one tub of the sauce.

"What's with the two sauces?"

>She looks at me. "We'll yours is icing…"

I nod slowly. "And what's yours?"

>"…Semen…"

wat.jpg

>I probably shouldn't be surprised because Mamono literally LIVE off jizz but, for some reason it totally freaked me out.

>I ate my half and drank my coffee and everything but the icing was hers.

>Later, at home, she asked me about it. "What's up. You've been acting all weird after we had that cinnamon roll. Do you feel ill?"

"No, it's nothing."

>"Don't tell me it's nothing. I know you."

"Alright fine. It just made me feel uncomfortable how you just casual asked for hot cum."

>"You do know that semen is where I get my energy from, right?"

"Actually, that's not what freaked me out. I mean, maybe it is just jealousy but I love you and I want you all to myself."

>"Aww. I love you too." Then she hugged me, dragging me down to the couch, then asked. "But you said that wasn't what freaked you out…What did?"

"…It was how similar the semen looked to the icing."

>Then she laughed so hard that she started bark-laughing.

So guys. Cinnabon sells hot cum to go on cinnamon rolls…Who knew?

>>137491

Breddy gud for your first time. I'd research more about EMT and first respond protocol and technique. But, keep it up and you'll get there.

Damn. I know mace and a full can in that guys face must've hurt like a motherfucker. Also, if you're 5'4", don't fuck with cops of any kind. I've known some guys to make up bullshit charges to fuck with people.

gunshop anon here

you know how strange yesterday was for me?

>>137156

well I guess I managed to outdo that.

>since that officer came in and wanted to investigate, my boss wanted me to run the incinerator and burn up some junk here.

>stuff like, old papers, "unimportant machine parts"',some broken beachwood stocks, my hard drive of the Do/k/ument, a few dead spice plants we had here, some P a l a d i n inventory we couldn't move, and a box of weird trinkets my boss' wife wanted to get rid of.

>and, that cosmetics bag that the kid left here yesterday. it was giving both me and my boss really bad vibe. and he suggested tossing it in with the rest of the things. I mean, it was empty anyway,

That was probably a bad Idea.

>boss found me KO'd on the floor after he heard a great bang and rushed to check on me.

>though I had accidentally burnt a case of powder.

>didn't lose any arms, legs, members, or my head, so that is good. but I started feeling really weird pretty quickly.

>and I mean *really* weird

>I'm 8 inches taller

>I don't have any hair anywhere below my neck (but my beard grew)

>fingernails turned lime green, fell out and regrew two times in an hour and a half.

>my eyes turned iridescent

>whenever I touch vinyl, it turns into salt

>I smell really heavily of cosmoline

>and I have a polish accent now.

>Boss called his wife about my situation, since she knows about these things more than the boss or I do.

>she said that it was just the charms destabilizing and I shouldn't have to worry about anything lasting.

>can't remember having anything that potent in the shop though.

>can't explain my smell, or my accent as well.

she knows her stuff, and nothing new is showing up on me, but anyone else seen something like this?

>>137564

Well the loli'll be pretty pissed that you ruined her purse like that.

>>137590

If it was that important she shouldn't have left it there.

>>137593

it was empty too

>>137598

Then looking back at your other post she probably left it there to either

A) Lolify you

B) Loliconify you

C) Curse your shit

Given that you grew 8 inches it probably wasn't the first. Do you have a sudden attraction to small girls? Find yourself lurking around schoolyards and the playgrounds of public parks?

If not then she probably was just trying to give you a couple of curses for shits and grins, and you just triggered every single one. I would be worried.

>>137607

uh, well, technically yes, I have been living next to a elementary school for a few years now. walking home I saw the

sportsball team playing and I didn't think any different of them.

it seems like a lot of high-pitched noises (like children screaming) are really grating on me.

I'm not sure if that was because of the purse, or the tinnitus I have because of the explosion today.

apparently the junk that the Boss' wife had was a bunch of warding charms, and a pendant of cleared vision. if there was anything really malicious in there it *should* have been canceled out. plus there was whatever that P a l a d i n junk thought it was trying to do.

my nails stopped falling out and regrowing, but they are still lime green. I guess I'll ask my gay buddy if he has some nail polish I can cover this up with.

only thing that is annoying me is that, even after three showers I still smell like cosmoline, and I went through like, half a bottle of vodka without even getting a buzz.

>>137661

KEK!!! She made you Russian/Polish!

>>137661

>>137663 Copfag's right. I was asking the wrong questions.

Do you have a sudden belief that the weapons in your shop that were produced in Eastern Europe are far superior to any produced elsewhere? Have you discovered an inhuman ability to squat?

Try fixing yourself a nice meat kebab. I bet you can't. I bet reading the word filled you with a primal urge to remove.

>>137663

Hey Copfag, you should be on the look out in case >>137661 decides to follow his new slav instincts and decides to clear out the muslim neighborhood with his friends and their kikimora wives

>>137564

By the /k/ube, see if you can cast summon kalashnikov over some seemingly destoyed/scrap parts

>>137663

ohh, shitt well I ThinK thAt thee Vbodka Finnally Decideing to to to WOrk allll at onCe.

I wash i cud DIsckuss thingg but I need to

I need to.

I need to….

pieprzony draniu magiczne dziecko, że mogą szpiegować mojego domu, przyjacielu mojego pracodawcy. drań, że mogą chodzić do miasta swego przeklętego wroga znaleźć Zagubiona tożsamość. widzę jej ból. widzę ich plan. widzę, co musi zrobić. Muszę się przygotować.

>>137707

Quick, see if you can find a loony with a rifle and his crazy fairy girlfriend!

>>137709

Widzę inne Zagubiona tożsamość w dalekiej krainy. w takim miejscu, że czuje się jak w domu. ona może być w największym bólu, ale nie może być jedynym jej pomóc.

Widzę chłopca zagubionego w dalekiej krainy. Widzę, że on chodził długą drogę wielkim bólu. podczas gdy miecz dziadka zostało skalane z dążeniem do poprawy.

Widzę, że jego serce jest naprawdę czysta. Widzę, że uczyni wszystko, aby przynieść pokój jego najdroższy.

you are talking about the story of Kovac right?

>>137280

If you insist. Today I will be talking not about MGs entirely, but of a certain individual I met. This takes place after I shortly after I left the ICU near the end of my 2nd week as a volunteer.

>Was in Park with Kathy spending the usual time together and entertaining her.

>All of a sudden I noticed not too far from me were P a l a d i n s roaming about, 4 in all (Do not know why the fuck they were there)

>I told Kathy we have to go.

>She looked at me curiously

>But before I could explain, They drew close enough to see us.

>One of them spoke while drawing a sword. "It looks like we have a heretic here!"

>I stepped back with Kathy hiding behind me "Look, we don't want any trouble, please put the weapon away. We will leave."

>Another one wielding a spear spoke "No, I don't think so buddy. You're parading around with that little hellspawn."

>The third one wielding a crossbow approached. "And you know what we do to heretics like you…"

>I tried to reason with them "She's just a child for crying out loud, an Orphan of all things!"

>They all laughed.

>The sword wielder made a gesture towards the others in a joking manner "Aww, how sweet, caring for another's bastard spawn."

>The fourth one wielding a Hammer then responded "You are perhaps the worst kind of human imaginable! You sympathize with demons!"

>Foot steps were heard from behind them. "So it appears worthless offal never learn, do they…"

>They turned around, the interloper was some guy in a dark blue robe and hood. "It appears you fools never really understood…"

>The sword wielder charged at him, and in an instant the robed man placed his hand on the attackers face. He moved back and turned towards me and his group in response to what appeared to be pain.

>What I saw was something completely unheard of: His face was completely covered in cuts and gashes, blood was pouring out as he fell to the ground holding his face to cover his wounds.

>They stepped back in shock, the hammer wielder spoke out "By the Chief God!"

>"Needless blood need not be shed. Please leave, I do not wish to harm more…"

>The hammer wielder charged at him "Oh, you're just asking to be purged bucco!"

>The Robed man immediately aimed the assailant's solar plexus and placed his palm on it as he swung, in an instant blood started pouring out of the assailant's mouth and he too fell.

>The other two stepped back and ran off immediately after seeing their allies beat down.

>He remained quiet as he approached us. I walked backwards in shock before tripping over a tree root.

>He then spoke calmly to me "It's all right, I will not hurt you."

>He pulled down his hood, he looked human for the most part aside from his hair which was faded silver-ish in color and crystalline horns protruding from his forehead. Looked rather young at that too.

>Kathy appeared out of the bushes and then darted towards me. (She took shelter in the bushes during the skirmish)

>He looked at Kathy. "I see, so you must be her child then… Yes, you carry a similar frequency like she did."

>I got up off the ground. "What are you going on about? How do you know Kathy?"

>He nodded "Oh, so that's her name, no I was the one who dealt with her mother. The one who destroyed her ability to bear life."

>>137165

Shotafication is a possibility too. And for a few bastard pallies, toddlerizing

>>137564

Boss lady is right, it probably won't be permanent. It takes a lot of mojo for the permanent stuff, so that's saved for high-profile targets.

>>137713

Widzę, że chcesz być dobrym gospodarzem, mimo pewnych ludzi myślących źle o tobie.

Chociaż chciałbym cieszyć swoją ofertę, nie potrzebuję twojej gościnności teraz.

Widzę, że mój pracodawca jest dobrym człowiekiem. Większa niż wielu. On nie wie, co worek był, ale wie, że jest to znak ostrzegawczy.

Widzę, że to żona jest lojalna kobieta. Bardziej lojalni niż wielu. Ona wie, że magia tego rodzaju jest zapowiedź rzeczy przyszłych.

Widzę, że to nie był zwykłym dzieckiem, które odwiedził.

Widzę cel tego worka.

Widzę, że są one uszkodzone, a dążąc do służby zasadniczej ludzi wbrew ich woli.

Widzę, że chcą wielką moc.

technically i'm both manlet city anon, and gunshop anon. I guess I will call myself gunshop anon from now on.

>>137512

>Cinnabon sells hot cum to go on cinnamon rolls…Who knew?

I knew. I mean, they advertise it on their website under the recruitment section.

I guess you wouldn't have known that since you're a cop and all, and don't need to be looking for shit-tier jobs, but it's casual work and they pay you to fap into a cup. Get it on the right day, and you might get a qt mamono server or even a MILF manager to 'help'.

There's this one local cake shop near me where there was a near-constant stream of guys going in and out the back for that, but they were always short on special sauce. MILF lamia that owns the place can't keep her mouth off the supplies.

And it's kinda how I met my girlfriend. She 'helped', and I sort of missed the cup. And hit her in the face with it. Then she got called back out to deal with customers by the manager without even time to clean up, so she couldn't look me in the eye for like a month after. Especially after her manager bumped her from sauce duties and pushed me into asking her out because she'd gotten sick of us being too shy to ask each other.

Not surprised about the tumblrina. SJWs and Radfems have been up in arms since they can't just go fap for a fistful of bills, and they're unable to pull their bullshit on guys because of mamono.

>>137588

>What's next, semen milkshakes?

Depends on the local supply, but there ARE specialist stores. They even hire male cashiers to sell them.

>>137771

More, please.

>>138194

>Oi, Witchychan, you run into any rape bait crying about whatever they flap their gums about?

Other than some dirty looks, not really.

>>138194

Reason they got their shit kicked in is because of an interloper and I am damned thankful for that as well, chances are that I would have most likely died had he not stepped in.

Continuing on:

>After hearing what he said, something clicked "Wait, you are…?!"

>He nodded again. "Correct. The name is Augir if you wish to be familiar with me."

>He continued "From what I read about the child, she has been taken in by your family at that establishment?"

>I nodded. "Yes, my family has actually adopted her themselves instead of having her be a case."

>"Perhaps it is best I return with you to help clear some problems and further explain what is going on." He spoke in a stern tone towards us.

>As much as I hated it, I had no choice but to take him back to the orphanage. I didn't want to drag someone else into what we had going on.

>When we arrived back at the Orphanage I lead Augir to my folks. He explained everything that happened.

>After hearing the story from Kathy, myself and Augir my mother then spoke. "Oh my…" She then looked towards Augir. "I thank you very much Mr. Melus for helping our son and daughter. They mean a lot to us."

>He shook his head. "No, it was nothing. Just dispatching more vermin. Nothing I have not done before."

>My mother tried to push the issue forward "Nonsense, you helped out our own children when in peril, that's something you should be proud of."

>"Anyway, perhaps I should explain a bit about what is going on. As you may already know, Dins have been increasing in number lately; chances are they may have a new zealot running their sect in the city's underbelly."

>My father nodded. "Yes, it is rather disturbing as of late now that you mention it…"

>Kathy then spoke "So is it true then… that Mama can't have kids anymore?"

>Augir closed his eyes before speaking. "Yes, I took that away from her. The courts wanted her to be sterilized, I was just commissioned to carry out the act. However I felt driven after hearing the evidence."

>I then shot out a question "Just curious, won't the cops be looking for you for messing those two up?"

>"They know me, they know that I do things for a reason." He then fished out something from under his robes and pulled out a type of card. On it, his name and rank were signified, it even had an official seal which by most standards is impossible to replicate.

>He added some info "Those of my rank are allowed to use it for offensive purposes should the need arise, aside from the License, we have witnesses aside from you two at the scene when it happened."

>>138276

>"Ok, so how the hell do you know all of this? You are hiding something, aren't you?"

>Augir Laughed. "I see, you are a sharp one, atop your compassion for children you have a sharp mind. Ok, I suppose I should tell you the truth about who I am."

>He took a deep breath "Well it is a long story, but I will give you the abridged version. I used to work for a Mafioso Danuki in the underbelly of a city not too far from here. I ran a clinic; however what she was planning was a total monopoly of the region, and to do so she accumulated a significant amount of Demonic Energy underneath that clinic from the patients that visited and was to fire it off as a weapon."

> He kept going on "However I found the chamber before she could fully utilize it, the problem was, my presence caused a massive breach and literally flooded the chamber with Demonic Energy with me in it. It completely mutated and warped my own body into what you see now. The remains of the 5 blocks within the range of the clinic were a smoldering crater as a result of the DE flooding my body and trying to stabilize it atop the excessive release"

>My father then interjected "I thought that incident was because it was to rid the slums of the Crime gangs. It was an large article in the news a year ago, literally with a week's worth of stories and accounts and covered for a month on TV; they said they sent in cops to raze the region of a gang war and that it got out of hand."

>Augir spoke in response "Do not believe whatever the Mainstream media tells you. The Mayor of that city knew about the incident and also invested in it by supporting my boss for a cut of resources and swept it under the rug as if she was doing the city a favor by getting rid of my former boss' operation for damage control to save her own hide, and at the same time ridding parts of the slums of some of the gangs."

>He continued "And that assumed gang war was 7 months before the incident at the clinic, in which the group I was in helped rout out a Sabbath who was causing all sorts of trouble; many died that day both members of that gang and various people who had no choice but to live in that region. Gangs chose to side with the crime families as they felt it was their best bet as their own activities would be messed up if a Sabbath of the magnitude at the time in the region took full control. Those inept bureaucrats did nothing, not even sent in cops because that foolish mayor knew just like I said earlier, she would figure that the gangs would wage war on that Sabbath"

>"To sum it up, Because I was directly responsible for throwing a wrench in the operations in both instances. I was given a pardon and a higher level license which is recognized nationwide, of course I did have a normal license beforehand; with limitations to light duties."

>He then concluded by saying "The reason as to why I know those Dins are gaining steam in the city's underworld is fairly simple. I have access to a server, what you would call the "Dark Net or Deep Net" That is where I get various pieces of info. I had access to it in the other city when I was working for that Mafioso to keep tabs on potential rivals my former boss may have had. Even the cops here know who I am and know I can act as Intel should they need info on the major scumbags"

>>138277

>My mother then repeated a shorthand version "So using the clinic on 3 fronts; Extorting money from the other gangs, gathering Demonic Energy for her Endgame, and Gathering info to develop a strategy should her plans be thwarted?"

>Augir nodded. "More or less. Also the reason why I knew who Kathy was is due to her wavelength."

>He pointed at his horns "These things serve a functional purpose, they act like an antennae or radar and allow me to identify various spirit and demonic energy signatures individuals carry. Since the child's wavelength was very similar to her mothers it was easy to find her."

>My father asked a question "Augir, with all the time you were in that Mafia you surely met a lot of women, right?"

>He nodded. "Yes, a majority of them were Mamono, Myself being one of the only few humans at the time."

>"So is it possible you know a few who are single?" My father asked.

>I interrupted "Dad, what the hell?"

>Augir then chuckled before speaking "Well technically I do have some that are still around and in contact with now and then to talk to over old times. I am married now though, I can however introduce you to one of them if you are interested in hooking the boy up."

>He continued "She's actually rather famous now; ever hear of Isidora Fyodorov?"

>Mother seemed shocked after hearing that name "Wait, the MMA fighter, the Crimson Tiger?!"

>Augir nodded. "Yes, she was one of my colleagues back when we were in the same gang. Quite resolute and resilient. She knew how to hold her own with just her fists and claws alone, those talents made many people seek her out to be a fighter, both in the legal and underground circuits"

>He then took out a piece of paper and a pen, he wrote down something and handed it to my father.

>He then turned to leave before speaking one last time "I last spoke to her about a week ago regarding an upcoming bout and wished her luck. She's always busy training and fighting in the circuits. Maybe you can have my friend have a proper settled future."

>been working this shitty retail job for about a year now

>recently had an influx of new workers, many of them monster girls

>which is funny because it was already 90% female workforce

>get called in for a one on one with manager

>he explains the new integration policy, and how I should be accepting and tolerant

>yee.png

>before I leave, he warns me to be careful of 'drama'

>near the end of my shift, work out back in the electronics, helping people with TVs and shit

>one of the new girls is a harpy, cute face and small but respectable tits

>day starts to slow down, start making conversation

>her name is Jen, just transferred here as part of the integration, used to work a 100% MG store

>a youngin' too, just turned 20

>after a bit, convo gets more casual, start joking around and telling our ebin retail stories

>she does this thing where she looks up at me that kills me man

>it makes her look like a little kid, its adorable

>I chuckle against my better judgement

>'Whats so funny?' she asks

>'You're so fucking adorable when you do that puppy eye thing, I can't help it'

>she blushes and stammers out about she doesn't do it on purpose

>she curls into herself, folding her wings closer to herself, looking down

>I seriously doubt at this point that she can act any cuter

>I apologize for making her so embarrassed, wasn't what I meant

>she smiles up at me, still blushing

>then she starts hiccuping

>hnnnnng.jpeg

>'L-Look what you *hic* made me d-do!'

>I can't hide my laughter anymore

>sorry for bully

>she scampers off to the bathroom to compose herself

>she comes back a few minutes later, calmer though a little pouty

>still has the hiccups

>'You're such an asshole' she whispers to me

>'Hey, its not my fault you're this adorable'

>she punches my shoulder

>We both laugh

>I go on my way, she smiles as I look back

Criticism appreciated, I want to get better at this. Been a long time since I've written stories, let alone greentexts.

If support is good, I'll continue where I left off and give you guys some more stories

>>138186

>>138351

>Actual EMT in a thread while I'm just throwing monster girls into my dad's old EMT stories

Now I'm all embarrassed and shit

Don't worry anon, if my dad can get a long and happy marriage with two kids out of the job, you can too

Have a more upbeat EMT story

>Huge annual festival going on in town

>Everyone drunk as shit

>Drunken Harpy jumps from the second floor of a building, forgets to fly

>Twists knee 180 degrees

>Crowd is heavy, thankfully plenty of cops around arresting underage drinkers

>One helping the harpy, getting her name, age, making sure she's as comfortable as she can be with her leg inverted

>Recognize her as Ogre Cop from previous story

>Harpy's so smashed she's barely feeling any pain

>Trying to get her on stretcher

>Harpy's equally drunk boyfriend shows up, been preoccupied vomiting in a porta potty

>"I'm an orthopedic surgeon, I can fix that right here!"

>Tell him no, he can't

>Harpy thinks it's a great idea

>Tell her no, he can't

>He keeps insisting that I can't tell him what to do, he's an orthopedic surgeon god dammit, he can fix that leg right here on the fuckin' sidewalk

>Ogre Cop steps in front of him, looks him dead in the eyes

>She's the terrifying calm kind of angry

>"Sir, you need to back off right now"

>He backs off right now

>"At least let me ride in the ambulance"

>Oh fuck no, one drunk at a time thank you

>"Sir, I think you should find yourself a cab"

>"Y-yes officer"

>Harpy bitches at me the whole fucking way for not letting her bf fix her leg for her

The moral of this story is that alcohol can impede your ability to perform orthopedic surgery and that Ogres are fucking scary

Turns out there's a reason that the 'Dins steer clear of witches around here. Apparently, about a year before I moved here, there was a brutal murder of a witch by three of them. The guys vanished for a week, and when they were found again, pretty much the heftiest thing had been done to them. Eternal toddlerization.

See, in temporary changes, it's not hard to keep a person who they are, because it's simply held aside. But when you get into permanent age regression, you run into the fact that the human cranial case reaches full size around 12. You can go a little smaller than this with no functional loss, but going down to toddler, sacrifices have to be made. Memories are unaffected, but motor skills take a huge hit, language and spatial reasoning are dented, stuff like that. You are now effectively a toddler. And if the aging process is stopped too, well, that's it, you're not getting any of that back.

Magical forensics never could trace the baphs that did it.

>>138464

I'll see to it after my shift tonight.

>>138451

>this time I'm working in the receiving, picking things up and putting them back down

>tfw no Jen

>decide I'm gonna meet with her during my break, see if I can get her number or something

>she's way too much fun to pass up

>we were each divided into teams of 3 people to move merchandise to and from trucks and into storage or the floor

>big shipment today was finger foods for the big college game coming up

>me, a red Oni named Marge, though everyone affectionately called her Barge due to her precarious relationship with door-frames, and a surfbro named Carl were in charge of Doritos

>literally in charge of Doritos

>we moved a few pallets of Doritos, talking the usual shit about local happenings

>apparently Barge's family is coming over for a distantly familiar Oni holiday, something something lots of drinking, we're all invited.

>good shit, who doesn't like free and plentiful booze

>Carl mentioned that he had a girl on his mind, a cute human girl from the college he does to

>Barge says that he's wasting his time, might as well get it on with a real woman, gesturing to herself

>'no thanks Barge, I enjoy having a pelvis'

>OOOOOOOOOOOOO goes the workroom

>'no love without pain you baby' she says, not missing a beat

>'hey, its not that I can't handle you, its that I know this girl can satisfy me'

>[muffled ooooo's heard in the distance]

>'strong words,' I say. 'you have a single fact to back that up?'

>'I like a girl who knows who's boss bro, that's just how it is'

>'you don't have any taste' Barge says in a huff

>conversation moved around from there, then it was break time

>letsgo.pdf

>I'm all sweaty and shit, but it doesn't bother me.

>read somewhere that women have a stronger sense of smell anyway, they can literally taste the testosterone from mansweat

>nothing on how monstergirls smell it, but hey, I enjoy the dream

>great she's not with a customer

>heresmychance.jpeg

>'hey Jen, how you doing?'

>'oh, hi Anon' she says as she plays with her auburn hair

>fuck, that isn't fair

>'Hey, so there's a party over at Barge's place in a few days, wanna come?'

>'who's Barge?'

>'Big red Oni works out back in receiving, nice girl with lots of booze.'

>'oh…I don't know Anon…'

>'Tell you what, lets exchange numbers, I'll text you the details and we can go from there'

>'sure'

>success.avi

>'sweet, so I'll give you the details after work. see you then.'

>she beams

>'see you then!'

>I smile back, then head back to work

more updates later on tomorrow

>>138451

>>138683

>after work me and Jen hand some time on our hands

>went to go pick up some food, have a mini-date before going our separate ways

>not too far from work was a burger joint called Jeremey's, specializing in big as fuck burgers™

>apparently she had never eaten there

>not good, she was missing out

>'you've seriously never had Jeremey's before?'

>'never, not the biggest fan of fried foods'

>'then you've never had a good burger, lets go'

>she was reluctant, but I was hungry, and the place she wanted to go to was really fucking far away

>plus burgers > sushi

>Jeremey's itself was fairly simple, like a mom and pop burger joint

>not too many tables inside, but they had a tradition of catering like Sonic where they had qt waitresses give you your food

>it was pretty swell, plus it meant we could have more of a conversation than wait in line and speak in hushed tones

>there was a long line waiting for us though

>fugg

>no matter, we will wait

>we take a seat at one of the many tables around the order window, waiting for a lull in the line

>start shooting shit with Jen

>she's a college student, wants to be a vet or therapist, isn't sure which

>been at it for a while, though she's not too keen on the specifics

>she wishes she could get a little farm out somewhere

>where she can help animals and raise kids and fly around and shit

>'sounds like a pretty cool dream' I say, my interest piqued

>'yeah, its kind of a silly dream though, how would I ever get the money for it?'

>'by working for it, dearest' I say patting her head. 'didn't your teachers drill that into you in elementary school?'

>'no, I was home schooled'

>'so not even your parents brought that up?'

>she frowned

>'lets go get our food' she said as she stood up, ruffling her feathers a little bit

>it was starting to get chilly this time of year with fall starting

>I ordered a double-cheese combo for myself and bought her a small burger combo with some fruit juice

>once we got back to the table, I spoke up

>'so what do you do?'

>'hmm?'

>'you're fun to be with but you seem so afraid of speaking, so what do you do?'

>she sits back, thinking

>'I dance'

>>138806

Brah, take it from me, get it known real fast about wither or not she's into drugs.

>>138806

>>138824

Also, you snagged a Harpy stripper! Wtf? I didn't even know that they were into that.

>>138828

>harpy stripper

I need to get my eyes checked, I read that as "harry potter" at first

>>138806

>>138451

>>138683

>'you dance?'

>'yeah, I dance' she says twirling her straw around in her drink

>'cool shit. can I see it?'

>'not here, there's too many people'

>'wasn't saying here, just that I wanted to see it. what kind of dances do you do?'

>'well, I kinda do my own thing, taught myself'

>every time she says something its like she's afraid of not sounding modest

>this bothers me so much, no pride in this girl

>little part of my brain tells me this is part of the game, might as well call her bluff

>'no need to be modest Jen, I'm sure you're a great dancer'

>'no, I'm awful' she jokes, giggling

>'I"m so clumsy with these feet, just doesn't work right'

>she wiggled her talons

>'bullshit'

>she tilts her head to the side

>'you do it well enough to tell a stranger, no reason about a passion'

>I stand up, bringing my food with me.

>'show me what you've got, lets go to my place'

>she was at a loss for words

>hopefully my gambit would work, really hate those girls that are happy in public but demure and shit in private

>never cared for that kind of manipulation

>I started off towards my car, gesturing her to come along

>looked back, she's still at the table

>I kept walking

>a few moments later, I heard some faint flapping above me, Jen carrying her food in a bag she held in her mouth

>she descended, and walked up next to me

>she punched my shoulder

>'why do you have to be so demanding?'she bleated

>'I just wanna see you dance' I say a matter-a-factly

>she went back to pouting

>I nudged her gently

>'hey, don't sweat it, I just want to see what you can do. you seem like the girl who would much rather be free than bottled up.'

>she blushed

>a chill wind blew by, making Jen ruffle her feathers to get warmer

>I glanced over to her, and we exchanged a smile

>as we got closer to my car, she reached out to hold my hand

>I held it back

>she beamed at me again, this time with her puppy eye thing

>goddamn that's too much

>right as I'm about to open the car door, she stops me

>'does it have to be your place?'

>'only if you want to come along, we can go somewhere else'

>'lets go to my place' she says letting go of my hand

>'ever go flying before?' she says cheerfully, making space for takeoff

>'only on planes, dearest.'

>she beamed at me again, this time with a hint of lewdness

>she gave a short hop, circled around me, then landed on my shoulders, gripping my tightly with her talons

>'ready?'

>'fuck yeah, lets go'

>and we took to the skies

im fucking dead boys.

>>138828

Getting to it friend :)

So the 22nd is my birthday AND the full moon… After I told Sarah this, she just got this creepy smile on her face and walked away…halp?

>>138865

She's preparing a VERY special birthday gift. Brace yourself bro.

>>138865

You should ask her when her birthday is (assuming you don't know it already), and tell her you're gonna get her something special for her.

>>138865

Update insurance, and call out on Tuesday.

>>138806

>>138451

>>138683

>>138839

>the first thing that got me was the fact that she could carry me and go as fast as she was going

>didn't know too much about the specifics of flight for harpies, but I couldn't complain

>after the inital jolt of being skybound, you settle into this nice medium of awe and satisfaction

>you feel free, undefeatable, pumped, happy, and a few notes of terror

>its a great feeling

>I stretched out my arms, wishing I could fly like this all the time

>she rose up to a height where I could see the whole city beneath me just as the sun was setting

>it was absolutely stunning

>sky had these purple and orange hues that really got to me

>I'm a sucker for picturesque views

>we coast up to a higher altitude, settling well above the city

>'enjoying the view?' she called out to me over the rushing wind

>'hell yeah!' I shout back 'haven't had this much fun in a while!'

>'how about this?'

>and she dove

>hard

>holy shit we're literally beelining for the ground, going so fast my eyes are watering

>can barely see the ground, scared shitless

>she can feel it too, starts to tense and loosen her grip on me, toying with me

>shit's terrifying but so much fun

>we're heading straight for one of the higher skyscrapers in the city

>andtheycertainlyarentshowinganysignthattheyareslowing.webm

>closer and faster

>closer and faster

>over the roar of the wind I hear Jen laughing like a maniac

>she's obviously having fun

>fucking unreal

>we pull up right as my feet graze the top of the building

>'FUCK'

>my feet are not having fun anymore

>feel nothing but pain and looseness down there, can't move my legs because I'm high on adrenaline

>fuck that REALLY doesn't feel good

>'FUUUCK'

>she heard me the second time, glancing down to assess my pleas

>her eyes go wide, and we pick up speed, heading to the outskirts of the city and into the boonies

>we finally arrived at this rundown apartment complex, landing on the roof

>'oh my god, oh my god, oh my god'

>fuck. my feet are completely FUCKED. left foot is twisted in a 180, right foot not much better

>both legs had bones jutting out a few inches above my ankles

>blood pouring onto the ground, onto my leg

>the pain is numb now, but it doesn't help that this shit is terrifying

>Jen lays me against an AC unit, sobbing and desperately apologizing

>'get. help.' I murmur through my teeth

>she nodded in panic, flying off the apartment

>wait…fuck why didn't she just fly us to the hospital?

>and what the fuck am I going to do about my feet?

>'FUUUUUCK'

>I decide I should make a tourniquet, this bloody bone shit isn't fucking helping the situation

>I take off my jacket and shirt and start to tear the shirt into strips of cloth

>thisisn'tgoingtobefun.jpeg

>I set one up for just below the knee, hoping shit isn't broken there either

>wrapped…and, ti-FUUUUUCK

>GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THAT HURTS

>why do they even do this shit in movies, its unbearable

>'GAAAAH' I punch the AC unit and bury my head in my hands

>I'll just wait for Jen to come with help, I can't do anything here

>after what feels like an hour, I hear the door bust open and two paramedics rush to me

>I didn't even hear the sirens just outside the building

>they start doing their thing, about to load me onto a stretcher

>Jen looks from afar, tears in her eyes, held back by another paramedic or officer, I couldn't tell

>they start asking me the basic shit

>how I felt, who they were, what they were going to do, making sure I was as alright as I could be, etc.

>'I…I want to talk to Jen' I tell them as they prep me for the stetcher, pointing to the stetcher

>I gesture over to her, beckoning her

>she just keeps saying she's sorry, that she didn't mean it, that this is all her fault

>'hey, its n-not that bad, j-just an accident. dont w-worry yourself so much. its okay.'

>hard to stay strong in the cold and pain

>'NO, NO ITS N-NOT OKAY. I NEVER M-MEANT TO HURT YOU ANON'

>'its not y-your fault Jen.'

>she's sobbing so much it makes me want to cry

>'Jen, I…' I say, fighting the tears

>'I…'

>and then she kissed me

I have work soon, I'll update afterwards.

christ, I everyone keeps putting up really good stories, and I am still trying to trudge through my shitty first one.

>>138461

>went to the library after cleaning up my mess of a project

>met up with eric at the back near all the encyclopedias

>practically had an entire salon set up there.

>'so what, are we going to be talking about boys and trade jello recipes?'

>'actually, I found a bunch of new designs that I wanted to try, and it is easier to do them on someone else.'

>'So i'm your guinea pig for this?'

>'more like those fake heads that hairdressers use. '

>'Great. well, just let me get some books to read over first'

>borrowed a few books, a biography of Zdzisław Beksiński and of Simo Häyhä, a hard copy of the DoKument, a book on magic, as well as a encyclopedia of mamono.

>librarian was a pretty obviously a 'din, and kept giving me the stink eye for the mamono book.

>joked about knowing your enemy and she seemed satisfied with that.

>I got back to where eric was set up

>I see him pull out a bottle of nail polish remover.

>'ah, wait, you won't actually need that'

>'what? why?'

>'my nails turned this color after that accident I had'

>'I have heard of people getting black nails because of an injury, but never green.'

>'yeah, it was a bunch of weird magic that went on. I wanted to try and look up a bit about it. at least they are not falling out anymore though'

>make idle talk about some of books I have as he is painting my nails.

>'what are these? I never saw these HR giger drawings before. what is it titled?'

>correct him about who the painter was, and then spent ten minutes arguing about how a piece of work is actually named 'no title'

>start browsing the book on magic.

>browse through to the section on disguises, and polymorphing.

>hold on, didn't that lady on the internet say my friend here might be pulling this on me?

>may as well try and confront them, I can play it off as some weird joke if i'm wrong

>'you know, I never got a straight answer out of you about this, but you keep giving me suggestions about who I should date'

>I flip to the Gazer entry in the mamono encyclopedia and show him

'>do you mean someone like this?'

>'oh yes, that does seem like the sort of person you would like.' while giving me that odd look again.

>'so tell me then, why is there one disguised right in front of me?'

>>139017

Don't be too hard on yourself slavanon, your story is good, just a matter of improving as you go. Just keep writing :D

Guys! I'm officially back on duty! Cap won't let me ride yet but I'm in the office at least. Anyway, I'm doing booking today so it should be interesting.

>>139172

Nice, now don't get shot in the everything when you can patrol again.

>>139172

Any stories about handling proactive dating 911 calls?

>>139025

the polish interpretation of the kikimora is weird. "In Polish folklore, mora are the souls of living people that leave the body during the night, and are seen as wisps of straw or hair or as moths. Accordingly, Polish mora, Czech můra denote both a kind of elf or spirit as well as a "sphinx moth" or "night butterfly". I'll still try writing one in though.

>>139028

thanks, anything I ought to try and improve in my writing?

>It took a few moments for him to realize what exactly I had said.

>Eric’s goes from an intense stare, to a look of confusion and concern

>'W-w- what? How did you?'

>'Listen. I’m not gonna go DEUS VULT on you or anything, It’s just weird that someone I know would be lying to my face about who they are. A few days ago I was talking on a message board, and this one lady there said this might be the case. and I’m not the mathematician here, but I can put two and two together.'

>'Well, I guess I should explain myself.'

>'My real name is Elizabeth. And this whole disguise is really just so that I can go about my business without being harassed every five minutes.'

>'Okay, but why the ‘suggestions’? They kind of make my eyes sting.'

>'Well… you seem like a nice guy, and I wasn’t quite so sure how well you would have taken a surprise like this.'

>' And given the state of this city, I thought you may have tried to run me through with a sword.

>'Well, you are what, the… fourth? Mamono I met? But honestly, the worst people I have met are some of my customers. So unless you are clawing people’s throats out, you would be ok in my book.'

>'Now, why disguise yourself as an old, fat gay dude?'

>'Well, isn’t the whole point of a disguise to look like the last person you would expect? And acting gay lets me at least talk about fashion in public without being suspicious.'

>'It’s annoying how little effort some girls put into their disguises. “Oh, lemme just hide my horns and change my skintone I should be good LOL”

>'Wait, were you at that one support group that got bombed? '

>'Yeah, I was there when it happened. I was there teaching a kid how to disguise themselves after she got jumped after one of our sessions.'

>'Did everyone get out okay?'

>'We all got out fine, it was just me, a kikimora, and elf, and the kid I had been teaching. Haven’t seen the kid since though. Must have taken what I had taught her to heart. I feel sorry for her. She said that just wanted to look and feel ‘normal’

>'Wait a minute, this girl. What did she look like?'

>'She was a succubus-type, had one of her horns broken, and got a big hole cut in one of her wings '

>'O Kurwa, I think know this kid!'

>'What, you hang out with Alps? I thought I was supposed to be the one acting gay.'

>'No, no it’s… he er… *she* came into the store after uh, she got jumped. Wanted some pepper spray to scare them off. Talked to her about how she should be prepared if she gets jumped again.'

>'I also gave her some semen packs that my Boss’ wife got as a gag gift when she explained how she apparently lives off of just that. I have been wondering how she has been doing since then.'

>'Well, that was awfully kind of you, I can imagine that talking with someone human about her condition would have helped her feel better about herself.'

>'I’ll see if I can find her again, hopefully things have gotten better for her.'

>'Well, I’m just about done with your manicure here, and I need to get to my night class. But I’ll keep in touch okay?'

>'Alright, see you soon Elizabeth'

wait. now I need to decide if I should tell my parents I'm dating a gay guy, or a one-eyed monster

>>139206

Might want to wait until whatever's going down in your town has blown over. The purse at your store was unlikely to be a single random incident. I have to wonder, where else was targeted, and what exactly was it supposed to do before it crossed wires with those charms?

(remember, burning is a good way to get rid of magical items that are combustible, but always wear a particulate mask and only burn one at a time)

>>139215

actually, I just got a call from my boss, his wife was flying into town for the week, and she wanted to talk with me about that at work tomorrow.

>A couple of days passed after the incident in the Park, I tried to get in contact with this Isidora woman, just to shut up my folks.

>When I called her all I got was the answering machine.

>I stated my name and address and how I got the number and hung up.

>Well a few days later, we got a buzz at the door. Folks were out on a trip with some of the children for the day. I went to answer it.

>When I arrived at the front door to answer it I saw who it was; A Jinko, tall red haired with Yellow fur, she must have been at least almost 7 feet tall, almost several heads taller than I was.

>She began to speak. "Are you Anon?"

>I nodded.

>She walked through the door. "So, Augir referred you to me then?"

>Responded the same like before to her.

>She then spoke in a polite manner "It is nice to meet you."

>I was rather surprised of how refined she acted.

>I walked inside further inside the building and she followed. "My family runs this orphanage, they are not here at the moment though…" We passed some of the volunteers as they were walking with the children. Isidora looked in awe at what she saw as we went through the halls; the kids walking about playing with others amongst other activities. We eventually reached the kitchen and we took a seat at the table.

>She seemed surprised from what she saw "I never realized, that such a place existed."

>I looked at her confused. "You never heard an Orphanage?"

>"I never, really had the luxury of a home… Ever since I was a child I lost my family to the Zealots of the Order. It was because my folks sacrificed themselves that I am alive…"

>Kathy then entered the kitchen and headed to the fridge. After she grabbed some fruit from it and closed the door, she saw Isidora. When she did she cautiously approached and took up a chair, she appeared to be somewhat shaking as she sat down.

>Isidora looked towards me and asked "And who is this child?"

>"My Adopted sister…"

>She was rather surprised.

>I explained everything about her case.

>Isidora immediately looked over towards Kathy and hugged her.

>A voice rang out "Kathy, where are you?" She looked around and turned her head towards the door she came in from. A Werecat peeked out. "There you are, why are you doi-" She then noticed Isidora as she was speaking.

>"I-I… You.. You…" She immediately bolted forward. "You're the champ aren't you? Record of 0 losses for her entire career thus far!"

>Isidora put Kathy down. "Yes, I have done well so far…"

>"Done well? You literally defeated an opponent in 3 minutes tops once!"

>Isidora then looked at me "Anon, who is this?"

>"This is Jessica, she is one of the volunteers here who helps care for the orphans. Many Mamono come here to practice parenting in preparation for the day that they have children themselves, it's because we have this program that the Orphanage is funded by the government."

>Jessica then heard me and woke up out of her stupor. "Wait a minute, how the hell do you know Isidora Fyodorov?!"

>"A mutual friend gave Anon my number to speak with me." Isidora answered flatly. She then looked at me. "Perhaps it's best we go."

>Isidora then left the room. "Kathy, I'm going to go out for the day with her, be good alright?"

Should I continue?

>>139348

Yes Orphanon you need to continue. There needs to be some lawful hot dickings at some point directly written or implied, with wurm getting more sisters

>>139307

>I’m still bouncing on the spot though, it’s hard for me to stay calm over men and monsters hooking up

Does this mean that if you witness a man hooking up with a human woman, you'd be sucked into the ground? :^)

>>133039

Dunedin here. Smaller town, but it's full of elderly. Honestly there's hardly anything happening here aside from petty thefts (Which are caught.)

Funny I remember this elderly woman trying to steal something in Sweetbay a few years back. She got caught. It was kinda surreal seeing an old woman enter the back of a police van.

>>133059

I betcha it's tourists. The Florida heat is getting to them and they go nuts.

And Florida is dependant on that tourist money so…

I hate working Sundays, we never get any worthwhile sales. But, Boss wanted me to open up shop today, since he was going to be out with his wife; Andrea who is a Dullahan.

She is part of an investigation branch for the FBI that specializes in mamono and magical crimes.

Because of that she is usually flying all over the country dealing with big cases, so she never gets to stay here much.

>Get there and start opening up shop, tuning all the lights on, turn on the radio, set the heater, collect the mail, and start on some paperwork.

>Head into the shipping dock to start moving some crates of ammo, and get knocked over by this incredible scream.

>‘Pieprzona cholernie bękart kurwa, co to było?’

>Turn around to see its Andrea’s head sitting on a shelf. Starts laughing her(lack of an) ass off.

>Pwahaha! Man, I got you soo good there!

>Hilarious. Were you left there all night just to spook me?

>Yes.

>So, what are you doing here? I thought you would be out with your husband.

>Hmm? Ohh, I am.

>I… I don’t need to know.

> I wanted to ask you a few questions about that accident you had the other day.

>Now exactly what charms did you put in there anyway?

>I took this little spruce box that was under the stairs. That’s what you said to get rid of right?

>NO! That wasn’t the garbage I wanted to get rid of, that was one of my jewelry boxes! There were a few very powerful things in there!

>OH SHIT, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean…

>No. it's fine. If you didn’t burn those, the explosion may have killed you, or worse. The most significant thing in there was a pendant of sure sight anyway, and I didn’t use it that much.

>Well, at least don’t have to worry about the effects of that purse hurting you, as whatever it was originally trying to do would have been reversed.

>speaking of, have any of your affects changed at all?

>Let’s see… my eyes are still iridescent, my accent has gotten Thicker, after seven showers I still faintly smell like cosmoline, and my nails are still green, but I had them painted over. But at least I don’t turn Vinyl into salt anymore

>Well, it seems like *some* of the effects are wearing off. But uh, I hope you like your new eye color. Now about your accent, sometimes when a magical object destabilizes, the magic in it may restructure itself around something that would give it purpose.

>Basically, If you break open enough charms over a book that says “how to fly” it will teach you how to. So did you per chance, dispose of any novels or books as well?

>Just my hard drive, it really only contained a copy of the DoKument, and a research project I did on the history Poland.

>Alright, well that’s pretty much all I needed to hear from you. But, you wouldn’t mind putting me in the office would you? It’s been really cold in here overnight.

>By the way. I can see you got a letter there anon.

Really fancy parchment and calligraphy with a wax seal

>'Dear anon, I desire your presence at the lakeside park at sundown –A.I.'

I guess that Elizabeth managed to find that kid. I guess she wants to talk with me after work.

>>139180

Sure, why not. I'll tell you about the time when I stopped someone from being murdered.

>Be me copfag (gotta find a new way to start these…)

>On the road with Micheal, an actual human officer.

>She's talking about somewhere to get lunch when I see a car on the side of the road in a rural area.

>The road is cut though a swatch of maple trees so dense forest on either side with lots of brush cover.

>Pull over and signal the lights.

>Call dispatch my location.

>Get out with Micheal.

>Approach the car.

>See woman standing beside it.

"Hey, there ma'am. What's going on?"

>"Oh we just stopped. Car trouble."

"Anything we can help with?"

>Stutters. "Uh…No…We're fine."

>Alarm bells go off in my head and partner and I look at each other.

"Can I see your license please?"

>She takes a step back. "Um. I don't have it with me."

>Micheal pitches in. "Are you traveling with someone?"

>She glances toward the woods. "N-No…"

Every red flag in my head is waving like a dancer for a grand and the bells are ringing. "Alright ma'am, can you come back here so we can see who you are?"

>She loos like she's going to run but then just walks over while I call for a PEDcheck.

>Search her, nothing. Some cigarette papers but nothing to actually charge her with.

>While I'm getting that PEDcheck back, a dude comes out of the bushes carrying a screwdriver.

>Michael's on him in a heartbeat. "Sir, drop the screwdriver!"

>Dude complies immediately.

>After a small search, I go into the woods to see WTF went on.

>About fifteen meters into the trees, I see a blue jacket.

>Run over.

>It's a body.

>Aw_shit.webm

>Shake him.

>He's alive.

We saved his life man. It honestly scares me to think that if we had gotten there just a few minutes later, he would have died and they would have gotten away! I mean, god damn. Anyway they got charged with attempted murder.

Also, I found Sarah googling something called "Wonderland" and I have no idea what that is… I'm getting more scared by the day…

>>139755

>hellhound looking for wonderland products

I hope you don't mind being the shota, Copfag. Either that or she's getting something for herself.

I work at a small hole in the wall coffee shop, been there almost since the place opened. It was a nice change of pace from working at stores owned by large corporations. The owner is a sweet older Chesire cat named May, and she always makes sure I's paid, and treated better than the other places before all else.

As sweet as she is, this doesn't belie her… quirky Chesire nature. She tends to be surprisingly hyper for a woman her age, and her impressive intake of black coffee doesn't help. It's for the best that she usually has a hands off approach with the shop, as on the rare occasions where it was just her and I, she found the time between rushes unbearable. This usually results with her having me rearrange all the shelves and furniture so it would, "Attract more customers."

Since the store was only about 2 years old, it still wasn't making a profit. The owner had to finance it with her original line of work taking photography. She was very good at what she did, her invisibility allowed her to take natural looking photographs with ease. This typically left the store in my hands, and though May would often hire other workers, they often didn't last long.

I remember one of the first co workers I had the pleasure of working with was a dormouse. I had some concerns, which I made apparent to May, but she respectfully dismissed them. "How could such a cute girl cause us any trouble?"

I was finishing up brewing our 3 varieties of self serve coffee for the day when the new girl came in. She was about 5'1", with dark brown eyes, although they were obscured by her drooping eyelids. She had big round ears that sat upon a mess of sandy blonde hair. She was indeed adorable, even though it looked like she just got out of bed.

I gave my best morning person face and stretched my hand out to her "Good morning… Aubrey was it? My name is Anon and I'm going to be training and working along side with you."

She let out a tiny, barely audible yawn,"…Good mornin~", before yawning even louder and smacking her lips.

I chuckled politely,"You must be pretty tired, I was like that when I first started with the morning shifts too, you'll get used to it, I promise." I beamed at her,"Though it helps when you get to drink as much coffee as you want, would you like me to make you a cup?"

While I was speaking I failed to hear the extremely quiet snoring coming from the dormouse. I laughed nervously before nudging her shoulder in an attempt to wake her. She let out another yawn before giving me another sleepy,"Good mornin~"

Taking the initiative before she fell asleep again, I offered,"Why don't I make you a black eye, that will be sure to wake you up."

She squeaked with a start,"I'M SORRY MISTAH I DIDN MEAN TO FALL ASLEEP ON THE JOB PLEASE DON HURT ME!" Flinching as I grabbed her by the shoulder.

"What?! No! Don't be silly, I'm not going to hurt you" I said giving a slight chuckle, "A black eye is a cup of coffee with shots of espresso, I figure it'll help you get through the morning shift."

"Oh… ok." She whispered as her cheeks a reddened slightly.

>>139785

I took this as an opportunity to teach her how to work the espresso machine as many of our drinks revolved around espresso. Though I think some of the details went over her head since it was still so early.

Once I poured the shots into the coffee, I let her sweeten it to her tastes. She took a sip and I swear her face nearly scrunched inside out, before proceeding to put way too many shots of flavor syrup and way too much cream into her mug. She took another experimental sip before greedily chugging the entire thing down.

It turns out this may have been poor judgement on my part to let a naturally sleepy species have so much caffeine and sugar, by the time a customer came she immediately scrambled over the counter and climbing half way up his torso to greet them. "HELLOPUDDINHOWCANIHELPYOUTODAY!!!", wide bloodshot eyes penetrating the customers skull while her tiny hands gripped the poor man's collar.

I pulled her into the back and told her to wait there while I took care of this one. "I'm so sorry about that sir, she just had a bit too much coffee today, how can I help you?"

"Haa… ha… uh… yeah I just want a medium coffee to go please." Still catching his breath

I handed him a paper cup and sleeve and pointed him to the air pots before beginning to ring up his order.

As soon as the coffee began to pour into the mans cup, a small tan blur slammed into the air pots, Aubrey gripping one of them with trembling hands before dispensing the hot liquid greedily down her gullet. She threw the empty canister onto the ground before yelling out, "I NEED MORE"

The man immediately dropped the cup before running out the store.

Aubrey went for a second canister as I yelled out,"NO STOP!"

She proceeded to manically chug the second canister of coffee down, until half way through she began to sink to the floor. "What… happening… I feel… tired…"

I wrested the air pot from her hand before pointing to the label, "This is decaf, and I think you should stick to this from now own."

It was pretty awkward explaining this all to May, who had a chuckle at my expense. Unfortunately we had to let her go, though we made sure she went to group meetings for caffeine addicts. She didn't harbor any resentment towards us, and is a regular customer now. Though from my suggestions, she typically orders the chamomile tea.

Sorry if this is garbage, I haven't written anything properly in years, critique highly welcomed, also I have more ideas for this setting is people want more.

>>139755

Copfag, better get used to insanity, because Wonderland is absolute wacko.

Speaking of which, I have got a small story related to it now that you bring it up. This was before my family came across the car wreck which set everything in motion.

>Usual day at the Orphanage, cleaning and the like.

>Come across a strange pink harpy child on our doorstep one day, feathers looked really downy. Energetic little fluffball she was, liked by many of the other kids for her upbeat attitude.

>Called herself Nona

>Well going about my business as usual when Nona showed up and just sat there watching me clean and change the sheets. Kept following me around everywhere I went.

>Later learned that she was a Jub Jub and they are often in heat.

>To say the least and shorten it, it took over a week to shake her off and convince her it is better to hug than fug. I think she went after some human boy orphan we have when she got the hint.

Man, that was awesome. I JUST got back in after the concert last night, plus some Sabbath stuff.

The concert was fantastic. They opened with one of my favorites, "Wittybitch," and when the crowd heard that first riff the cheer drowned it out. (As for the crowd, I've never seen so many different kinds of mamono in one place.) By the time they closed with "IBiTiCo", I was on Pizzaboy's shoulders.

After that, we went to the meeting ground.

>cold as a witch's tit, harhar

Anyway, Pizzamom met us there, and the rest of us all got her converted right quick because FREEZING. Then Bapho boss opened up a gate to a sanctum for the after-party(orgy) and guess who was there? None other than i.b.t.c., the itty bitty titty committee themselves. I got the band to sign my panties.

>>139861

Holy shit, I saw you! You were wearing a fluffy blue sweater and, way too, shorts. Damn! We almost met. I wonder if you saw Sarah. She was on my shoulders for a bit before she got all concerned about my arm.

Btw, fully healed and going in to get cleared for active duty tomorrow.

>>139755

Sounds like you should let her know some ground rules for the crotch before she does some freaky shit.

>>139812

uhh, well, hate to tell it to you guys, but that's kinda the norm in this city, despite the high divorce rate.

>>139786

dude, I am in the same boat. I think I have a decent story going here, but I feel like my writing skills are not good enough to do it JUSTICE.

>>139812

Glad you told me where humans came from. Yep, you got one up on me. I'd give you a cookie but I'm all out. Here I was thinking babies came from the stork harpy! Now don't you have some candy to steal from orphans? You didn't spoiler that horrific pic so you seem the type to do that.

>>139864

This keeps getting more interesting. Full moon, your birthday, and this wonderland thing that just came up. Wonderland is just screwy, so google is your friend. And don't eat anything if you see writing on it but can't read it. Please trust me on that.

>>139864

That was me, yep. I probably saw you guys, but there were a half-dozen hellhounds near us, so I wouldn't have known it was you.

>>139960

I was wondering that too. I enjoyed those posts.

>>140272

Awww. That's too bad! Anyway, thanks so much for the tickets! I really appreciated it.

>>140239

Human women can date and have sex.

UH OH I AM CLEARLY EVIL SCUM! WITH SENTENCES LIKE THE ABOVE I AM AKIN TO ED GEIN HIMSELF

Get over yourself. If it weren't for them you wouldn't be here.

>>140651

>>>/out/

>>140729

Oh my, did I trigger you? Did you get any antihistamines for your nonmonster female allergy? Apparently, a human woman doing the lewdest of things is so horrifying that you want me to start huffing spores.

I do appreciate your attempt to ward of Homo Boogeywomen though, you'll be surrounded by enough empty tacos as it is.

>>140651

Sure they can, but with offal like you running about, it's not a big surprise that men are choosing MGs over your sorry rear end.

>I want a man who will pay for everything who is a 10/10 Christian Gray

>Why don't men want me anymore because I want a good man despite the fact I sleep around?

That's you, you put unrealistic standards on men and abandon your own character for status and that's why men choose to be around MGs, the war is won through the womb, and the way you are acting is that you are literally giving away your only opportunity to salvage humanity; face it, overentitled little shits like you are why humankind is being erased off this world, if Dins find out that shits like you are speeding up the process of Humankind's extinction, they would use your sorry ass to act as a breeding sow to make up for the lost numbers of humans as a result of your shit.

>>132992

>>132999

>>133039

>>139467

Currently living in NYC, but my real home is Tampa.

Maybe we can meme a gator girl into existence?

>>140866

>points out that human women are capable of love and sons

>butthurt misanthropist assumes the worst of all human women everywhere and rants of the EVIL human woman's ways

>gets accused of dooming humanity

wow

>Be skeleton

>Work and live in a national forest

>Generally trained in food service so jump locations daily

>Today working in the pizza line

>Get assigned work with a bunch of incompetent assholes

>Worst of which is some 35-year old, paladin-training drop out who hits on anything with a vagina

>Seriously, anything. I'll get there in a moment

>Also gives his discount to random girls, take their pizzas to their tables for them, sits with them and talks for about an hour at a time each time

>Discounts are only for family and friends

>We're not even supposed to go in front of the counter

>If there's a spill we gotta call sanitation for it

>One time he followed a 11 year-old cait sith back to her table and tries to hit on her

>A fucking CAIT SITH

>Cait Sith's dad gets pissed and kicks his ass

>Gotta call medics out to lift douchefag wannabe wankster to a hospital

>Couple weeks later, dumbass managed to convince nearby order branch to threaten the park with law suits if he doesn't get to keep his job

>Stupid fuck park management tells them they had no intention of even reprimanding him for it in the first place

>Order screams how it's not enough and must compensate him for missing work for his idiocy

>Meanwhile another co-worker, who is just slow at the job, gets written up for taking a medium cup for his lunch rather than a small when there were no smalls left

>>141112

The ride never ends, does it?

Gunshop anon here, I guess I should fill you on my meeting that I mentioned last post.

I wanted to hear how that alp kid had been doing, but from how fancy That letter was, I could only assume she was doing better in life.

>Drove on down to one of the city parks where I was asked to meet.

>I got there early, as I did not see anyone there, so I decided to just sit down at one of the picnic tables there and wait.

>The park was renovated recently by a junior Paladin troop, and they really fixed up the place. They cleaned up all the garbage that was in the lake, redid all the paths, and even brought in these picnic tables for people to use.

>As weird as the P.a.l.a.d.i.n.s may be, there honestly are some good people here in this city.

> “The view is pretty isn’t it?’

>'Yeah I would have to say it is rath-!!!'

>It’s that weird kid from the store!

>“Well… it’s not nearly as pretty as *me*”

> She stands up, and slaps her hands hard on the table

>‘What? Who? Hold on!’

>I try to get up and realize that my hands are stuck.

>Like, actually stuck through the table like a ragdoll in a bad game.

>'My. My. My. You certainly are an interesting little boy aren’t you?'

>'Co to kurwa powiedziałeś mi ty mała dziwko?'

>'Not only do you manage to see though a mamono’s disguise, AND destroy one of my dear charms. But you have been practicing some magic haven’t you?'

>'What? I have? When?'

>'Hmm? Well, it makes no difference to me now.'

>'So, you thought that you would be meeting that little alp kid here didn’t you?'

>'Yeah, I wanted to know how he, err… she has been doing. Are you, like part of that witch group? The uh, sabbage or whatever it was called?'

>'Them? Oh I *used* to work with them, but those dim-witted children are too caught up in their silly little parties, and their INANE cult to EVER do ANYTHING useful!'

>'Now, Let. me. tell. you. why. I. need. this. girl.

>'You see, all creatures have ‘spirit energy’ about them. This controls their existence and their life-being.'

>'In turn, the creature may control the energy within them, and it is shaped by their life and personality. This is the basis of all magics. The more spirit energy on one object, the greater the magic it can control.'

>'Now tell me. What do you think happens to someone’s spirit when all their life, they are degraded, bullied, abused and have all sense of self-worth destroyed?'

>'It crushes into itself. Dark, Dense, and sharp. Perfect to cleave away the spirit energy of others, while leaving it unbroken and free for the taking.'

>'Now, when I get my hands on this kid, I plan on using her to tear open every. Single. One. Of these stupid, Worthless, righteous, BASTARDS! That call themselves P.A.L.A.D.I.N.S!'

>'But you and that one-eye HAD to interfere! You just HAD to help that kid! And you just HAD to give this kid hope!'

>She stopped in her rant, and I could simply FEEL the rage seething from her.

>I swear, the stone she was standing on nearly melted because of her anger.

>After a moment, her anger subsided. And she put on the same childish little smile that she had when I first saw her at the shop.

>'Now then, despite all these… Difficulties, why don’t we see if I can make you a little bit more… *useful*'

>'What? What are you-CRKRGKRT!'

>'And before I could react, she had her hands on my throat, strangling me and, I could only guess cursing me as well.

>I tried my hardest to resist, but my limbs locked up and, it felt like I was being drowned, burned, and electrocuted at the same time.

>I knew it may have been only a few moments, but the immense pain made it felt like HOURS.

>My vision began to fade, and I felt the strength leave my limbs. But just as my thoughts began to fade, I heard something.

GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM YOU BITCH!

>It was eric! Or Elizabeth, and she looked so damn pissed, she could melt straight through a steel beam.

>And that was probably what she was trying, as a great beam of light shot from her face, blasting the kid and me. It burned at both of us, scalding off hair and clothing alike.

>Compared to the choking though, this felt like a light tickle.

>After a moment it subsided, but despite the power of the attack it merely staggered her.

>She coughed lightly, and with a light chuckle she gets back on her feet.

>The kid waves her arm once, and through some unseen force, launches Elizabeth through the air, throwing her at the ground with an audible crumple.

>'ELIZABETH!! NO!!'

>I have to stop this kid, but I can’t move my hands, this table is too heavy to move and… I… I…. whAt Is tHat MuSic? iS ThaT aN aCCOrdion…? I…

usuń demona!

>In this moment, he took all his strength and heaved the table up over his head.

>Distracted by the other girl, he brought the table down upon her, breaking it into splinters, and knocking the child down.

>He was still bound by a piece of timber despite this, and with the child reeling from the strike, he thrust out the ragged edge of the wood, stabbing her.

>Shrilly screaming from the pain, the child used her magic to throw him across the park as if he were a toy.

>Face flushed with pain, and her leg sickly red from the gash in her side, she took to the sky to make her leave.

>Between heavy coughs, she turned back toward the two to shout at them;

MARK. MY. WORDS. I WILL HAVE POWER THAT RIVALS AMMIT HERSELF!

…

>Oww, what? What just happened?

>Wincing in pain, I roll over, to check on Elizabeth

>Elizabeth? Elizabeth are you alright?

>She still has her disguise on, and that makes it difficult to tell what injuries are real or fake. But she must be hurt badly, as she sounds like she is sobbing in pain.

>I… I… I’m okay.

>What were you doing here?

>I wanted to meet you after work… But the lady at the shop told me that you got a letter inviting you to the park here, so I went here to try and catch you and… I’m sorry I couldn’t help you… I’m so useless!

>No, no. you are fine. We are both fine.

>But what *was* that kid?

>That… *sniff* that was an arch imp.

>>141289

>arch imp

Well shit. Bad news is, arch imps are even more batshit and have fewer scruples than the baphos, and that's saying something.

Good news is, arch imps are still imps. She'll be so A.D.D. that she'll move on to something else sooner or later. Probably some time after half of your town is a smoking crater. Make sure your property insurance is up to date and your valuables are in a disaster-proof box, then take a two week vacation with Ericabeth.

Ho-ley shit! We got a bomb call today. Not going to greentext that shit because of investigations and shit but apparently a building that one of the local Sabbath's use had a bomb threat. No one was hurt and it was disarmed and shit but fuck me if it wasn't a nightmare corralling about twenty witches and five baphos? It's literally worse then herding cats and I've dealt with Cheshires! FUCK!

>>141298

Quick question, witchey. Are all witches as ADD as that? I mean there was coffee involved but fuck…