b0ca98 No.144903
To cut down on the absurd amount of crits we've gotten so far, we are now rolling 1d30 instead of 1d20. Remember to make your rolls 1d30!
Previous thread: >>143251
Archive: http://archive.is/y0sB0
The rules:
>When the latest story update asks for input, you may give commands.
>You can give one major command and as many minor commands as you want.
>Major commands are for things that will have an effect on the current situation and / or the story as a whole.
>Major commands must be rolled for with a 1d30. The command with the highest number will be the one carried out.
>A natural 30 will result in a CRITICAL POWER SURGE and have magnificent effects.
>A natural 1 will result in a CRITICAL MELTDOWN and have disastrous effects. A natural 1 overrides all other numbers except for 30.
>After three major commands are made, the story may continue, but more major commands may still be made after the first three and be accounted for.
>If OP is already too deep into writing an update when a higher-numbered command is made, that command will be considered too late and ignored. Sorry.
>Minor commands are for inconsequential things like examining an object, asking someone a question or diddling your piddler.
>You do not have to roll for minor commands and can make as many as you want, but OP will decide whether or not those commands are carried out.
>Don't worry too much about whether a command is major or minor. We'll let kami-sama sort 'em out.
>THERE IS NO EXP OR LEVELING. Outcomes depend on the roll of the dice, and evolutions will occur when the time is appropriate for them.
Previously on ErogéMon™
Our hero, Sho Taboi, sets out on his tenth birthday to become an ErogéMon™ master. After receiving his very first ErogéMon™ from Professor Wood, he takes his first steps into his journey when he is confronted by none other than Kami-sama himself! Kami-sama grants Sho the power of /ss/ and chooses him to be the harbinger of the age of MILF! Sho wastes no time in fucking his mom so hard she transforms into an ErogéMon™, taking her and the previously transformed mother of his rival, Dicksoak, along with him. Spirits are high as two more ErogéMon™ are captured along the path to Pewter City, but our hero's luck changes with the encounter of an angered Pikachu. Thinking fast, Sho defends himself with a pair of discarded pantsu, which causes the Pikachu to evolve into an immensely powerful Raichu. This Raichu, giving herself the name Rapechu, violates our hero to near death and blackmails him into becoming her personal sex slave. With the shadow of Rapechu looming around him at all times, Sho bravely presses forward and takes on the leader of the Pewter City gym; Brock! After an intense battle, our hero proves triumphant and receives his very first ErogéMon™ League gym badge!
Our current status...
INVENTORY
Dick
ErogéDex
ErogéBall (x3)
ErogéBux (4,100)
Potion (x10)
Antidote (x10)
Awakening (x10)
Paralyze Heal (x10)
Burn Heal (x10)
Ice Heal (x10)
Urine-soaked Quran (Defused)
Dad's Letter
NOTICE: In the last post, I said we received an HM and a TM. I am now retracting that, since it creates some technical aspects that would be too much of a hassle to flesh out and deal with. Aside from the dice rolls, I want this
EROGéMON™
Hanako (Charmander)
Minnie (Raticate) (Dicksoak's mom)
Mom! (Ninetails) (Your mom)
Mary (Spearow)
Tenga (Weedle)
Rapechu (Raichu)
BADGES
Boulder Badge
And now... ErogéMon™!
b0ca98 No.144906
You step out of the ErogéMon™ center feeling particularly refreshed, along with your healed ErogéMon™. Minnie was roughed up fairly bad in her battle against Onix, but has made a full recovery. Now, it's time to press forward.
The road to Cerulean City is a treacherous one, with a rocky terrain and more stupid fucking trainers ready to ambush you. On the way is Mt. Moon, a dark cavern filled with secrets to plunder… If you have the courage to enter.
The Pewter City gym lies in ruin as the Mosque has just been finished. The city plans to build a different Mosque COMMUNITY CENTER where the gym used to be in order to harbor more muslims PROVIDE CIVIL SERVICES TO THE COMMUNITY. Beside the ErogéMon™ is the ErogéMart, selling useful supplies you may want to consider stocking up on. There's also the museum, which you can visit if you are a big fucking nerd.
What will you do?
eacbe3 No.144909
>>144906
Visit the museum because we're a big fucking nerd
There used to be a mobile dice roll I wish they hadn't removed it
a40d74 No.144911
 | Rolled 1 (1d30) |
>>144906
Museum.
b0ca98 No.144912
| Rolled 4 (1d30) |
>>144909
I got yer back
>>144911
FUCK ME THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG
c1246e No.144913
| Rolled 17 (1d20) |
>>144911
Oh Shit!
Same vote, here's to hoping we don't find fucking creationists!
eacbe3 No.144914
>>144911
Arigotou onii-fam
>>144912
I'd like to point out that the last time we thought it was too early for JUSTICE we ended up with Rapechu.
Not rolling, just saying.
eacbe3 No.144915
>>144914
Those replies are switched around somehow
3a182b No.144917
| Rolled 17 (1d30) |
>>144906
Get mundane shit out of the way and buy supplies.
0efdb3 No.144918
| Rolled 14 (1d30) |
Light the mosque on fire.
b0ca98 No.144921
>>144911
You are, indeed, a big fucking nerd. Thus, you can't leave Pewter City without checking the museum first. You walk into the museum and are met with profound disappointment. The entire place is only one room big and has about three fossils on display, all of which are replicas. What gives? You walk up to the counter and ask the goddamn museum lady why this place is such a mockery to your autism. She sighs and explains things.
"Well, the museum isn't actually finished yet and is more of a laboratory at the moment. The only reason it's open to the public is so we can explain to them what the museum will be once it's finished."
You call here dumb and gay and ask what the hell this place will be once it's finished.
"You could call it a living museum of sorts. More like a zoo, to be honest. The work we're doing here is extracting DNA from ErogéMon™ fossils and reconstructing it to bring old, extinct species of ErogéMon™ back to life! Actually, we were just about to do our first test run today. If it succeeds, we'll have created an ErogéMon™ from ancient times the likes of which civilized man has never seen before."
Well slap you on the cock and call you a ten-year-old sexual tyrannosaur, that sounds fucking awesome! Kinda like that movie about that park. You wonder if you can ask to see this for yourself, and furthermore, if you may be the one to "welcome" the ancient ErogéMon™ back to modern times the best way you know how. This would be a monumental milestone for the glory of your dick.
The dark malice of Allah surrounds you! CRITICAL MELTDOWN!
Your impure fantasies are suddenly interrupted by the sound of smashing and chanting coming from the back room of the museum. You and goddamn museum lady peek your head through the door to see what the fuss is about. Inside, two men in black uniforms are smashing priceless fossils with crowbars. They stand over the ancient shards triumphantly and cry out to the heavens.
"THE ROCKS OF GREAT SATAN HAVE BEEN PURGED BENEATH THE RIGHTEOUS CROWBARS OF ALLAH! THE CALIPH WILL USHER IN A NEW AGE OF SEXUAL REPRESSED ANGER AND THE COMPLETE ERADICATION OF ALL THAT IS FUN! SIM SIM SALLAH BIM!"
With those nonsense camel cries, the men leap out the window and run as fast as they can back to the Mosque. The room becomes silent again as you feel a simmering heat well up in your chest. You realize what has just occurred: You have been cockblocked through the boundaries of time and science. Goddamn museum lady falls to her knees and slams her fists to the ground.
"Fuckers! Goddamn fuckers!"
You ask her why in the fucking hell they did that just now.
"Because they hate ErogéMon™. They hate the idea that people can have weird monster girl things to live with and have raunchy, sweaty sex with. Apparently, fun is strictly forbidden under Sharia Law. They kept coming in here every day – EVERY FUCKING DAY – to tell us we were going to hell if we didn't stop believing the Satanic lies of ErogéMon™ evolution. We kept trying to tell them that evolution does not work that way, but they told us that empirical evidence is just another construct of the Great Satan. Seriously, they stay in their damn mosque all day and only ever come out to yell at people and break things."
You ask her if they're still going to carry out the experiment.
"We can't. All the fossils have been broken into too many little pieces to make use of them. Unless our survey team at Mt. Moon can somehow manage to find another fossil, we're up shit creek."
You say nothing and walk outside with your head hanging low. You are not going to stand for this shit.
What will you do?
0efdb3 No.144923
| Rolled 7 (1d30) |
Conjure the wisdom of Serbia and REMOVE KEBAB
c1246e No.144924
| Rolled 23 (1d30) |
>>144921
This criminality will not stand.
Burn the mosque down like the one back home. Oh and no survivors.
3a182b No.144928
| Rolled 1 (1d30) |
>>144924
The holy fire of Kami-sama shall burn bright this day. The townsfolk shall be free at last.
b0ca98 No.144930
>>144928
Hoo boy, this is gonna hurt.
c1246e No.144931
a0c866 No.144933
| Rolled 9 (1d30) |
>>144928
JUSTICE ROLL
Please?
a0c866 No.144934
| Rolled 30 (1d30) |
>>144933
Forgot to sage. Ammit-chan forgive me.
8d57e6 No.144937
3a182b No.144940
b0ca98 No.144941
>>144928
That's it. You are through dealing with this any further. This aggression will not fucking stand. It's time to do what you should have done the moment you arrived: Remove Kebab.
You loose Hanako and tell her that the day of reckoning has come at last. Her fire shall be the righteous wind of Kami-sama that cleanses the earth of the repugnant sand turds. She is prepared. You lift Hanako under your arms, holding her forward like a deadly weapon, and make your way to the mosque. Your boot splinters the doors into pieces as the congregation of the wicked stare at you in bewilderment. You don't have to worry about killing any women or children; they already killed them long before you arrived. You hold Hanako up and prepare to unleash her flames unto the masses.
Your cause is just. Your will is strong. And your gun is very, very cute.
The dark malice of Allah surrounds you! CRITICAL MELTDOWN!
That's when you feel it: the darkness. A wretched eminence that seeps into your soul and gnaws at the very core of your being. This place is ruled by a kind of evil you could not even imagine. You feel the weight of the world this monsters were spawned from. A world of misery and bleakness. A world without fun.
You collapse, barely able to breathe. Hanako has been rendered utterly unable to move as she wheezes next to you on the floor. The congregation makes its way towards you. They pick up Hanako and surround her. Their beards become slobbered as their tongues hang from their mouths like starved beasts. Their clenched hands slowly but eagerly prepare to violate every inch of Hanako's body. Tears stream down her cheeks as she looks at you. You can't move. You can't, but you must. You will.
What do you do?
c1246e No.144942
>>144934
I believe in God!
a0c866 No.144943
| Rolled 12 (1d30) |
>>144941
The power of Ammit-Chan fills us. It gives us strength to overcome this horrible darkness!
That and Rapechu just says fuck it and rapes the mudslimes.
a8d7f2 No.144944
| Rolled 17 (1d30) |
>>144941
Rapechu you better fucking do something you shit
109c8c No.144945
| Rolled 29 (1d30) |
>>144941
Release all your Erogemons for a complete purge of all living things nearby
Shit just got real
a8d7f2 No.144946
>>144945
not a 30 but close enough
3a182b No.144947
>>144946
Does anyone feel daring to try for a 30 on that one?
109c8c No.144948
>>144945
It's no critical success, but we were needing that. Thanks Ammit-Chan.
109c8c No.144949
| Rolled 30 (1d30) |
>>144945
>>144947
HA HA
JUSTICE
a8d7f2 No.144950
c1246e No.144954
109c8c No.144955
>>144949
I'M THE CHOSEN ONE, BITCHES
a0c866 No.144957
| Rolled 23 (1d30) |
Please remember to sage guys.
b0ca98 No.144961
>>144949
The righteous power of Kami-sama flows through you and all your available ErogéMon™! CRITICAL! FUCKING! POWER! SURGE!
A shockwave erupts from you as you float above the ground. An aura of searing light roars from your body. The kebabs cover their eyes and hiss in terror. All five ErogéBalls detach from your belt. They crackle with energy as they revolve around you in mid-air. The holy fire burns in your veins as you prepare to unleash retribution upon the sand demons. Yes, this is it! The ErogéBalls come to a halt and begin to shake violently. Massive arcs of electricity jump around the interior of the room as the foundation of the building shakes. Come forth, my beloveds! Come forth and…
The dark malice of Allah amplifies! CRITICAL NEGATION?!
Suddenly, the light goes out. You fall to the ground and submit to the weight of the evil energy once more. Your ErogéBalls roll around on the floor, their occupants still inside. The power has failed you. There is nothing left to be done but accept this horrible conclusion.
However, the muzzies still look on in fear. One ball has not yet fallen.
f6de9e No.144967
File: 1455817240870.png (318.34 KB, 663x925, 663:925, tmp_1795-1451635195923-176….png)
| Rolled 24 (1d30) |
She better appear wearing Serbian milsurp.
Hotwheels!
109c8c No.144969
>>144961
>One ball has not yet fallen.
b0ca98 No.144971
>>144961
The ball hovers in place above the ground between you and the wretched horde. They look on in uncertainty as it faintly glows and sparks. You're not sure what's about to happen, but you will be willing to accept anything as long as it will save Hanako from this terrible fate.
The ball gives out a low hum that seems to give way as the light dims. Finally, it falls onto the ground like all the others, completely innate. After a moment of terrified silence, one of the beasts steps towards the ball ever so carefully. His hand shakes as he reaches down and picks it up. He ponders at it for a moment until he makes a rash decision. Like a fool, he opens the ball.
You didn't think he could open it, but you're even more surprised at what happens when he does. Out of the ball comes… nothing. Nothing at all. It merely opens and does nothing else. The beast, expecting the worst, opens one of his eyes to examine. He cracks a nervous smile and reaches his hand in, pulling out what was really inside.
Sand. Nothing more than sand.
The sand falls between his fingertips as the beast builds up a hearty laugh. His cohorts follow along, nearly hysterical from the relief they feel now that the presence of a threat has vanished. If they weren't laughing so hard, they may have noticed the ominous fog that was beginning to fill the room. The hairs on your neck stand up. You feel a sinister presence. A presence you hoped you would not encounter so soon. It intends to strike.
You're not sure whether it's instinct or divine contrivances, but you know exactly what's coming, and exactly what to do in order to protect yourself from it. You shout to Hanako and give her a very important command.
>"Hanako, don't look at it! Shut your eyes, Hanako! Don't look at it no matter what happens!"
c1246e No.144972
| Rolled 20 (1d30) |
>>144961
Crap, now we owe her.
Rolling for divine lightning
f6de9e No.144975
| Rolled 17 (1d30) |
Pray to the Lord to be spared the aftermath of the destruction to come.
bfa8e9 No.144976
| Rolled 12 (1d20) |
>>144975
Hope that maybe she's pleased by the sacrifice you brought her?
b0ca98 No.144979
File: 1455819648485.gif (440.65 KB, 500x209, 500:209, I'm pretty sure the jews a….gif)
>>144971
At your command, Hanako closes her eyes. She isn't supposed to know. She absolutely cannot know.
The laughter of the mob recedes when they notice the fog. Relief becomes bewilderment as the beasts go wide-eyed. Suddenly, the ball begins to glow a faint blue as wisps of smoke escape from it. The wisps circle and dance around the temple in a beautiful display, moving towards the center. They all coalesce to form a shape.
Her.
Rapechu has taken on some strange ethereal form. She descends to the floor and gently smiles at your attackers. The beasts are dumbstruck by her beauty as they gaze like simpletons into her gentle eyes. Then, her cheeks begin to spark. The sparks fly so hot that they become a raging plasma that whips itself around violently. The presence of this terrifying power sends needles into your spine. The beasts scream, and as they do, the power lashes out.
The plasma pierces through the abdomens of each and every beast, jumping from one to the other. A fire burns in their bellies as their skin glows from an intense heat building up inside of them. Then, one by one, they begin to come. They all come in different ways, each one as fatal and as terrifying as the other.
One comes so hard his bones liquify and ejaculate out of his body.
One comes all of his internal organs. Another, all his blood.
One comes with such intensity that his body melts into nothing but bleached bones.
One comes himself inside-out, shrieking a grotesque gurgle as he lives through the entire process.
One comes in such a way that his testicles retract into his body before shooting upward so hard that they shred through his upper-body and burst out his eyes.
You don't even bother to pay attention to how the others die. You're too busy vomiting.
As the last beast falls, the projection of Rapechu swirls about the room. A pillar of flame builds up in the center of the pile of gore and bursts outward in a blinding light. When the light dies down, there is nothing left of the mosque or the dead muslims. Rapechu is nowhere to be seen. The fog gathers together and rapidly pulls itself back into the ball, which snaps shut the moment it's all inside. The ball falls back to the ground and rolls around in the ashes you find yourself in. All that remains is it, you, your other ErogéBalls and Hanako, who stands in the exact same place she was, trembling.
Her eyes are shut tight.
b0ca98 No.144982
>>144979
Oh yeah, I forgot to ask:
What will you do?
2e9473 No.144984
| Rolled 8 (1d30) |
>>144982
Cheesy victory dance.
f6de9e No.144986
| Rolled 11 (1d30) |
Piss on the ashes and find a bar or some booze. You need it after this spectacle.
1ba4f8 No.144988
| Rolled 27 (1d30) |
>>144979
Grab hanako and book it.
e53269 No.144989
>>144982
Mentally prepare ourselves to pay off the debt we just incurred with Rapechu.
1ba4f8 No.144990
>>144988
Also, cover her eyes the whole time.
b3c3b0 No.144991
| Rolled 18 (1d30) |
>>144982
>piss on the ashes
>grab hanako
>gently pet her
>tell her it's okay
>burn the place down
>go get some booze
>go back
>piss on the ashes of the mosque
1ba4f8 No.144992
>>144991
>>144986
Do you guys really want to expose your dick in front o Rapechu?
bfa8e9 No.144993
>>144992
She's in the ball though.
e53269 No.144994
>>144992
If Rapechu wanted our dick right now she'd have already taken it, out or not. I bet she's gonna hang this debt over our head till we forget about it, then catch us when we've let our guard down.
b0ca98 No.145002
>>144991
>>144988
>>144986
Shaking, you get back on your feet and move towards Hanako. You let her know she can open her eyes now. When she does, she looks around in bewilderment, trying to understand where the everything that was just here a minute ago is no longer here. You hold her tight and tell her not to worry about it. What happened was something that happened, and nothing else. What matters is that she's alright.
Hanako lets out a few tears and grabs hold of you. You sigh and look up towards the ruins of the gym. Construction workers have already started building a mosque over it. They've been staring at you this entire time with wide eyes. Suddenly, the foreman barks an order to the others and they all start ripping up the foundation of the mosque they just laid down as quickly as they can. You realize that you may went to be gone before the press and / or cops arrive.
You give Hanako a quick kiss on the forehead and urge her back into her ball, which she goes back into without question. Just then, you find yourself on your feet and running like a madman to anywhere that isn't here. You run toward the ErogéMon™ center and slide into an all too familiar alleyway as you hear sirens blare in the distance.
You lie down against the wall and catch your breath. You're safe now. You close your eyes and give yourself a moment of solace… which is interrupted by the sound of crackling electricity. You open your eyes to see Rapechu lying on top of you with a sly smile.
"You sure know how to show a girl a good time"
Before you can say anything, Rapechu warps behind you and sits you on her lap. Her hand moves down your pants.
"To think that we'd find ourselves in this situation again. What are the odds!"
She plays with your dick as it quickly begins to stiffen.
"Listen, I don't appreciate these dangerous situations you put yourself in. I already knew you would try using me in your battles like the reckless little idiot that you are, and I've already forgiven you for it. But trying to be a one-man army with nothing but a few low-class ErogéMon™ backing you up? That's stupid even by your standards."
Her grip tightens as she begins to stroke your shaft.
"Of course I was going to bail you out back there, but don't take that as an excuse to put yourself in harm's way just because you have a goddess holding your leash. I'll forgive you this time, but do it again and I'll be forced to punish you for it. Now if you'll excuse me, all that murder and destruction has made me hungry."
In a flash, Rapechu warps herself in front of you with her lips already firmly enveloping your dick. You reflex backwards as she bobs her head up and down, causing your load to rise. The moment you come, Rapechu stops bobbing and starts sucking. Sparks of static shoot around her mouth as the sucking becomes incredibly intense, becoming so powerful it actually lifts you up off the ground. A huge amount of jizz gushes out of you and is lost down Rapechu's voracious throat. Finally, she releases. Her body arches and her head tilts back as she closes her eyes and swallows, letting out a sigh. You've collapsed onto the ground and are wheezing, having trouble recovering from the experience she just put your dick through.
Rapechu slithers towards you and holds you in her arms. She pushes your head into her bosom and slowly rubs her milky thighs against your pelvis.
"You're delicious. Hopefully I won't get bored of savoring your sperm. Otherwise I might have to eat something else… Like your soul."
With those last, frightening words, Rapechu disappears back into her ball, leaving you alone once more. You hug your knees and think about what she just told you. It was probably just an empty threat to keep you from going against her will. Probably. You give yourself a few minutes to recover before standing up and letting out a massive sigh. With all that madness out of the way for the time being, you decide to make your way out of town for good.
Before you go, you can't contain your curiosity enough to prevent you from looking back on the ashes of the mosque one last time. You make your way down the street and see people gathered around. There already seems to be construction being done on the empty lot. The team that was rebuilding the gym have switched priorities and are now working on something else down here. As you move in to see what it is, you see the construction team laying on the ground, having worked themselves to near death in order to construct this new building in a little over an hour. The foreman proudly presents the structure to the townsfolk.
It's a bar, and for one night only, all drinks are on the house.
f6de9e No.145003
| Rolled 16 (1d30) |
Time for VODKA!
Let's slav it up in celebration of removed kebab!
If we're told we're too young, call the barman a cyka.
e53269 No.145004
>>145002
Get something that'll give our cum a nice taste, so we can treat Hanako for being such a brave girl
b3c3b0 No.145007
>>145002
>You hold her tight and tell her not to worry about it.
But did we pet her, faggot?
b0ca98 No.145008
>>145007
Like there was no tomorrow.
b3c3b0 No.145023
| Rolled 21 (1d30) |
>>145008
We better fucking have.
Rolling for vodka with a bit of vodka.
bfa8e9 No.145025
| Rolled 6 (1d20) |
>>145008
Please no bar fight
3a182b No.145029
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
| Rolled 20 (1d30) |
>>145008
It's time for VODKA
b0ca98 No.145030
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145003
Right now, there is only one thing in this world you want more than anything else. Just one thing: A fucking drink. It seems as though Kami-sama has come through at last. You waltz into the bar and let out all 5* of your ErogéMon™. You want everyone to enjoy this night together. You all head up to the counter and order a round. The barkeep is a slavic statue with a face that looked like it was carved on by someone who was having a very bad day. For some reason, he's wearing camouflage face paint.
You order some oran berry vodka for yourself.
Mom! orders a long island ice tea.
Minnie orders a highball.
Mary orders tequila.
Tenga orders a white russian.
Hanako decides she'll have what you're having.
In an hour, you and your companions are drunk out of your fucking minds. You, Hanako and Mary are all singing Judas Priest. Minnie is crying into Mom!'s bosom. Tenga is sitting in a corner, staring at the wall. Your inebriated antics go on long into the night as the barkeep plays his ethnic accordion songs. One by one, the other patrons call it a night, but you all feel invincible as you drink the night away until no one else is left.
Hanako in particular has gotten really into it, experimenting with mixed drinks and getting rowdier by the minute. Suddenly, she stops. You gaze at her and wonder what's wrong until a white light starts to glow from within her. Hanako begins to change. She grows taller and more womanly as her scales darken, her claws sharpen, her tail burns hotter and a horn protrudes from her head.
Congratulations! Hanako has evolved into Charmeleon!
Charmeleon
Name: Hanako
Type: Fire
Pantsu: Thong
When a Charmander sheds herself of innocence, she becomes this. I hope you're proud of yourself.
The evolved Hanako gazes at you with lustful eyes and walks up to you slowly. Her tail shoots off smoke as she wraps her arms around your neck and purrs. You look over to the barkeep, who gives you a thumbs up as he walks out the back door. Kami-sama bless that man.
Before you realize it, all of you are lying on the floor buck naked. You find yourself in a bed of Mom!'s fluffy tails as the girls moan and squirm, seeking pleasure. They rub their hands against you and move towards your cock, but it is intercepted by Hanako, who eagerly begins riding you. Hanako does all the work herself, slamming against your pelvis as her ass jiggles and smacks against your thighs. The others have all taken to each other, diving into a sea of flesh and fluff as they grab themselves and each other lovingly. Juices flow and cries of pleasure escape from the puddle of intimacy you have all become.
Something's bothering you, though. Who is that you're laying on top of right now? The moment you realize, a familiar voice whispers into your ear.
"Don't I get some, too?"
Just then, sparks fly. You and the others feel an intense pleasure beyond reason. It feels like a sustained orgasm that's been amplified to inhuman levels. All of you scream out and lose yourselves to the chaos. It is the absolute most magnificent climax you or any of the others have ever had.
Light flows back into your eyes as you see the ceiling fan of the bar spinning above you. The morning sun is shining through the windows. You feel hot, and you immediately understand why. All but one of the six girls are latched onto you, sleeping peacefully and with smiles on their faces. One of them seems somewhat more… chitinous than before. You turn your head and see why that is.
Congratulations! Tenga has evolved into Kakuna!
Name: Tenga
Type: Bug / Poison
Pantsu: Standard
It's just standing there. Menacingly!
You smirk and quietly return the girls to their balls. You get dressed and give yourself a good stretch before making your way out the front door. Thus dawns the new day. Finally you're ready to get the fuck out of Pewter City.
What will you do?
1ba4f8 No.145031
>>145002
Rollin for mom! To come out of her ball and scold us for drinking and to give us breastmilk as replacement
109c8c No.145033
>>145030
Didn't we have to go and beat some gym leaders or whatever? Let's go get that shit done
1ba4f8 No.145037
| Rolled 15 (1d30) |
>>145031
Forgot to roll and update comes out the same second i post.
Nice.
>>145030
Let's go get those erogemon bones at mt. moon hoping no dirty kebabs cross our path.
953e29 No.145038
| Rolled 28 (1d30) |
>>145030
Head to Route 4, reenacting Twitch Plays Pokemon's cliff shenanigans.
109c8c No.145039
| Rolled 28 (1d30) |
>>145033
Forgot to roll
f6de9e No.145040
| Rolled 18 (1d30) |
Bust open the gym doors with your dick!****
b3c3b0 No.145041
| Rolled 30 (1d30) |
>>145030
>as the barkeep plays his ethnic accordion songs
Hell yeah motherfucker, we slav now.
Go back to the bar, drink a bottle of vodka with the barman as thanks and get the fuck out.
b3c3b0 No.145043
| Rolled 9 (1d30) |
>>145041
>PERFECT FUCKING 30
FUCK YES
DRINK SO HARD WE INVADE CHECHNYA
953e29 No.145045
>>145041
>>145043
Sage you dumb fuck.
b3c3b0 No.145046
>>145045
S-sorry, I ctr+f5'd so it erased the email field.
b0ca98 No.145055
>>145041
>bump dice rolls up to 1d30
>4 crits in the span of 75 posts
You people will be the fucking death of me. Please wait while I prepare to blow your brains out of your assholes. This one is gonna be good.
b3c3b0 No.145058
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145055
It better be of good, Ivan.
e53269 No.145063
>>145055
Are you the writefag that did the warlock quest where we alp'd halfway through?
I can see where you're coming from because crits were kind of overboard in that quest but you gotta admit it's fun to get critical vodka drinking
b0ca98 No.145066
>>145063
Nope, this is my first quest, but I was inspired by that thread. I probably should have taken into account the fact that I would have to actually write all the ridiculous bullshit that happens.
b77776 No.145074
>>145055
>>145066
You might want to look up Ogre Civilization Quest, OP. If my memory serves, it was famous for reality-warping crits and a quest runner more than willing to entertain. As a rule, no matter where a fa/tg/uy posts, they tend to bring the Dice Gods with them, whether for crits or critfails. Prepare Uranus.
Fun quest so far, breddy gud for a first run, keep it up.
b0ca98 No.145075
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145041
As you turn the corner, you see the Barkeep (whose name you now remember to be Stronkov) re-enter the bar, ready to start his day. Actually, there is one thing you wanted to ask him before you left. You walk back inside the bar and see Stronkov cleaning the Chechnyan blood off his SKS. He notices you and smiles as he puts his hands on the counter.
"Back for more round, da? What will be?"
>"Actually, there's something I wanted to ask you about. You seem like an expert of muslim disposals. Is there any advice you could give me?"
Stronkov smirks "Stronkov would ask you the very same. You were of responsibility for yesterday's 'accident' yes?"
Your throat tightens and you begin to sweat.
"Relaxings now, my friend! Stronkov has told not another soul of your actions!"
>"Well to tell you the truth, I… got lucky."
"Yes, Stronkov could tell from taste of kebab's ashes. Stronkov asks you not what fearsome entity was cause of destructionings. Stronkov will, however, enlightens of you the ways of kebab removal."
Stronkov pulls a key out of his tracksuit and opens a safe behind the counter. He pulls out an unlabeled bottle of vodka. It emits an ominous red glow.
"Drinks of this, and mother Serbia, she will guide you."
Hesitating for only a few brief seconds, you pick up the bottle and take a sip. The sip turns into a chug as you lose control over your body. Whatever this is, you literally cannot stop drinking it. Liquid valor pours down your throat as a fire grows in your belly. You start to fall backwards, still drinking as you go down. From the empty portion of the glass bottle, you can see Stronkov smiling at you. Before you hit the ground, you can faintly hear the sound of an accordion being played.
You wake up as you often do: Absolutely fucking bewildered. The scenery has completely changed from a bar to a rocky wasteland. You are wearing an adidas tracksuit and squatting over a cliff. How you maintained this pose while unconscious is a question you don't bother asking. Beside you are your ErogéMon™ companions, sans Rapechu. They are all wearing the same tracksuit as you and squatting in a row. In front of you all stands Stronkov, and behind him in the distance is Mt. Moon. At the entrance to the mountain's cavern, a crude command post is being patrolled by islamic insurgents.
"You are all of knowing orders. Now is time to execute the operations of "Burnt Kebab". Good luck, and may the slav be with you."
The girls give a brief salute and break off into different directions, full of determination. You squat in place wondering what the fuck you're supposed to do. Stronkov walks forward and puts a Draganov SVD in your hands.
"You are of awaken! Just in times, also! You will offer fire of covering for Stronkov as Stronkov penetrates moist lair of kebab. Worry not! Stronkov is mastering of disguises!"
Stronkov turns and makes his way toward the enemy base. You shout to him that you've never even fired a gun before. He turns to face you and smiles.
"My friend, when shootings kebab, you do not fire boolet. You fire JUSTICE."
2e9473 No.145077
| Rolled 30 (1d30) |
>>145075
JUSTICE
f6de9e No.145078
| Rolled 4 (1d30) |
>>145077
Well goddamn. Let's go remove kebab.
e53269 No.145079
>>145077
AHHHH
SERBIA STRONK
e401bb No.145080
>>145077
HAHAHAHA NOW I EXPECT AN EXTRA SAUCY REMOVAL OP!
1ba4f8 No.145082
| Rolled 14 (1d30) |
The dice gods must really hate mudslimes.
b3c3b0 No.145083
>>145077
Hell yeah motherfucker.
3a182b No.145084
>>145077
YOU SEE SHO TABOI, KEBAB CAN'T WIN AGAINST STRONG SLAV JUSTICE!
f63300 No.145085
>>145077
>Double crits
>Dubs
Holy shit.
1ff411 No.145086
>>145077
GOD HIMSELF WILLS IT!
b0ca98 No.145090
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145075
No pressure. All you have to do is shoot some fanatical terrorists from a few hundred meters away as an insane slavic man tiptoes his way into their base unnoticed. Nope, no pressure at all.
You aim down the scope of the SVD and track your targets. You can only pray that Stronkov is as good an infiltrator he claims to be. Just then, Stronkov comes into view. He's moving into the base along the mountainside, standing firmly upright and hiding behind a wooden cutout in the shape of a small person that he's carrying with him. Scrawled on the cutout are the words "DED LEETLES GURL". One of the kebabs notices Stronkov's movements and locks his eyes on him. Stronkov stands perfectly still as the kebab stares at the cutout. After a few seconds, the kebab shrugs and returns to what he was doing, allowing Stronkov to continue further into the base.
You squat there, your finger far from the trigger. You know Stronkov wants you to remove these kebabs, but you have no idea how you're supposed to do that in this situation. What was it Stronkov said back in the bar? "Mother Serbia will guide me?" Was he just trying to sound romantic or is there–
>>145077
The inebriated blood of Serbia flows through your veins! CRITICAL KEBAB REMOVAL!
Just then, your ears fill with the sound of accordion music as your body tenses and begins to move on its own. You fire off eight shots from the SVD in the blink of an eye. The bullets connect perfectly with the craniums of the kebab patrols and hits their mark dead center. Instead of falling over dead, the kebabs transform into statues of Slobodan Milošević holding the severed head of a Bosnian. Stronkov gives you a thumbs up in the distance. He has successfully infiltrated the base.
A minute later, Mom! and Minnie fall back to your position. Mom! shoves an accordion into your hands. She's carrying a keyboard with her on a strap. Minnie has a trumpet. You know exactly what you are supposed to do right now. The three of you rush forward and make your way into the maw of Mt. Moon.
f6de9e No.145095
| Rolled 29 (1d30) |
Continue the removal in the most Slavic ways imaginable.
1ff411 No.145097
| Rolled 21 (1d30) |
Continue the removal and do what must be done at the same time.
b0ca98 No.145101
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145090
You move through the cave playing the accordion the whole way, with Mom! and Minnie playing their instruments along with you. You have never even touched an accordion before, but somehow you know exactly how to play it. Stronkov has left a trail of bodies in his wake. They have had there throats sliced in such a way that their blood flowed on the floor to form the image of the Serbian flag. Someone was here before him, too. A few of the kebabs have been burnt to a crisp, their limbs contracting to force them into squatting positions.
Your culturally superior music fills the caverns as you approach the sound of gunfire. Before you is a rope bridge over a chasm with several kebab standing on it, firing their guns. On another side of the chasm is Tenga, who has hardened herself to the point that she is immune to the incoming gunfire of the kebabs. The kebabs continue to shoot hopelessly as their rounds ricochet off Tenga's hard carapace. They get frustrated and begin to shout. "Is she the one they call Tenga?!"
You, Mom! and Minnie take this opportunity to cut the rope bridge down, plummeting the surprised kebabs into the chasm below. Tenga gives you a thumbs up and runs off. There's only one problem now; you have no way of continuing onward now that the bridge is out. You hear the sound of chugging approaching you behind. You turn to see Hanako approach as finishes off a twentieth bottle of cheap vodka. She turns her back to you and takes a deep breath. As she does, Mom! and Minnie grab each other and you, presumably having planned for whatever is about to happen. Your eyes go wide as you get an idea of what Hanako is going to do.
In the blink of an eye, Hanako collides with you at a terrifying speed. She uses her vodka-fueled fire breath to propel herself into the three of you, lifting you all the way to the other side of the chasm. You all fall into a silky net on the other side of the chasm, which was improvised by Tenga. She helps you dust off and urges you all further into the cavern, despite the insane fucking ride Hanako just took you on.
You are approaching the end.
f6de9e No.145105
| Rolled 12 (1d30) |
Hanako better evolve into a drunken Slavic charizard after this.
b0ca98 No.145126
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145101
You reach the end. The cavern widens into a massive, dome-shaped room. There are various machines lining the sides and catwalks winding up and down different levels. The centerpiece of the room is a massive aluminum cylinder.
It's a missile silo, and fastened to the tip of the missile is the sinister black cube of Mecca. There are no other kebabs here, save for one. He stands before you, a mountain of a kebab, with a cybernetic eye jutting from his scarred face, which is host to a beard the hangs down to his ankles. This is the Caliph.
"Trainer, let me welcome you to the dawn of a new age… and to your doom!"
The Caliph tears off his jacket to reveal a massive pair of cybernetic arms. "The missile exploding in the earth's arasphere will result in complete global shariafication. In order to stop it, you must first stop me!"
Without any hesitation whatsoever, you and your compatriots charge the Caliph. The Caliph reels his steel hand back and smacks you all to the side in one massive swing of his arm. He laughs at your pathetic struggles as you get back up to take him on again, only to be knocked down every time. In a matter of minutes, the Caliph has beaten you all onto the floor. He roars with laughter and pulls a remote from his pocket.
"Witness the new world. A world… without fun! MECCA LECCA HY MECCA HINEY HO!" The Caliph pushes the button and the facility begins to shake. As the Caliph is brought to tears by the event, you make one last desperate charge. Not against the Caliph, but against the missile. The Caliph looks back at you climbing your way up the missiles hull.
"Fool! None can stop what Allah has commanded!" The Caliph leaps onto the missile and begins to climb after you. The missile fires off its thrusters and begins its ascent. The wind holds you down as the Caliph approaches, but you continue to climb. As the air grows thin, a massive metal hand grasps at your leg. "Really, what did you hope to achieve? Did you think you could stop this missile all by yourself."
>"No. I really didn't"
The hull behind the Caliph bursts open to reveal huge man, who grapples the Caliph without haste. It's Stronkov! He bear hugs the Caliph with superior Serbian strength as the Caliph writhes and thrashes in a futile attempt to free himself. Stronkov looks at you and speaks.
"The missile! It has been of disabled, my friend!"
The Caliph screams in anger as he pulls Stronkov out of the hull. From inside the missile, you can hear what's actually propelling it forward: Aerosmith. The voice of Steven Tyler drifts through the sky as Stronkov and the Caliph duke it out. Your grip is faltering.
>"Stronkov! We need to get off this thing now!"
Stronkov locks the Caliph in a chokehold and looks at you, smiling.
"No, my friend. I am of fearings that this is where our roads part. You have become most excellent kebab hunter. Stonkov is proud to have fought by side. Someday, Stronkov will be meetings you again in the great Serbia of skies. Farewell, my friend."
With those last words, your grip gives in. You detach from the missile and off into the sky, plummeting towards the surface. As the missile disappears from your sight, you close your eyes and prepare for your inevitable collision with the earth below. At least, that's what you would do had Mary Magdalene not intercepted you in midair and carried you back to the summit of Mt. Moon where the rest of your friends awaited your return. You plant yourself flat on the ground as the girls gather around and cheer for your safety and success.
The celebration is cut short by an explosion off in the distance. The missile has detonated with the Caliph on board… and Stronkov. You and the others glare at the massive fireball as you look down, the joy gone from your faces. Everyone puts their berets to their chests as Minnie plays the trumpet. As a tear streams down your cheek, you think about Stronkov and all he has taught you. You will use his skills well to remove countless kebabs for the sake of the world, and your dear friend.
In the sky, you can faintly see Stronkov's huge scary-ass face. Thank you, Stronkov! Your removal of kebab shall never be forgotten.
Okay, I'm done for tonight. See you all tomorrow. Hopefully we'll actually fucking leave Pewter City next time!
b3c3b0 No.145133
>>145126
Absolute serb man.
93c0c6 No.145138
>>145126
RIP Stronkov
He died doing what he loved
Removing kebab
3a182b No.145140
>>145126
Beautiful. May Stronkov forever live on in our hearts as a world class kebab remover.
109c8c No.145141
>>145126
RIP in peace Stronkov. You died as you lived, removing the kebab with serbian efficiency.
Goddamn this quest has gone batshit insane, I love it.
c35cfd No.145177
File: 1455849230374.jpg (169.82 KB, 1100x1399, 1100:1399, Caspar_David_Friedrich_-_D….jpg)
>>145126
I came here to fap, not to feel the most alive for the very first time since the day I lost my virginity.
b48eae No.145217
>>145126
Stronkov was a real human bean and a real hero.
f63300 No.145311
>>145126
Спи спокойно, братан.
d89397 No.145317
>>145126
But, what if Stronkov is not kill?
b3c3b0 No.145320
| Rolled 23 (1d30) |
>>145317
>But, what if Stronkov is not kill?
Oh shit, rolling for the life of that mad man.
c3d24e No.145351
| Rolled 10 (1d30) |
>>145320
Amnesiac Stronkov living the Tohya Hachijo Like-Life?
b48eae No.145364
| Rolled 1 (1d30) |
>>145317
>>145320
Rolling to see if he comes back, Slavic terminator style.
b48eae No.145365
>>145364
Oh fuck me sideways. Guess dead is dead.
b0ca98 No.145368
>>145364
TERMINATED.
I haven't given a command prompt yet, so it's meaningless. Just remember anon; heroes never die. Kebabs die, though. They were becoming waaay too big of a presence in the story and were taking up too much time. I had to get fucking Mt. Moon over with, so I nuked two Chechnyas with one bomb and removed kebab from Mt. Moon premises in the best way I could think of. No more kebab. Stronkov's sacrifice has removed them once and for all. He's earned his rest.
2e9473 No.145372
| Rolled 20 (1d30) |
>>145368
Well, let's progress through the story then. To Cerulean City.
001890 No.145381
>>145368
Did the museum critfail prevent us from ever getting a fossil?
Fucking kebabs. I half wish they were still here so they could be removed again
c3233e No.145417
| Rolled 4 (1d30) |
Let's bully some kid and take his bike.
bf2971 No.145527
>>145364
Why would you do this to us anon?
d89397 No.145593
| Rolled 13 (1d30) |
>>145364
I will end you.
Attempting ''JUSTICE'' roll.
d89397 No.145599
c35cfd No.145685
File: 1455933494525.png (472.13 KB, 500x903, 500:903, Featuring Dante from the D….png)
| Rolled 7 (1d30) |
>>145364
No fuck you.
d89397 No.145750
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>145368
Stronkov better be the president by the end of the week, the aliens are optional.
Although I certainly wouldn't mind a three-way crossover.
Have some free Sabaton.
bf2971 No.146165
>>145126
>See you all tomorrow
I-is OP kill? Just like Stronkov? ;-;
2e9473 No.146290
>>146165
He is now that you forgot to sage dumbass!
b0ca98 No.146325
>>146165
>>146290
I will return. Just taking a break to get back into the swing of things.
a874f7 No.148454
Can we remove niggers next?
913bbf No.151785
i guess this thread is deader than infinity next
c35cfd No.151787
>>151785
WHY DID YOU GIVE ME SUCH FALSE HOPES NIGGER
913bbf No.151798
>>151787
i-im s-sorr-y s-senpai
3a182b No.151805
>>151798
STOP BUMPING THE THREAD FAGGOT
e7c41f No.151808
THREAD ON THE FRONT PAGE
IT'S FUCKING CONT- god damn it.
Now I know how you faggots felt
a921c8 No.151882
| Rolled 10 (1d30) |
>>144937
YOU CAN NEVER BE SO SURE!
CAST METEOR SWARM TO ALBANIA!
a921c8 No.151883
| Rolled 18 (1d30) |
>>151882
Reroll with sage!
3a182b No.151909
>>151882
Botero comes to those who don't sage. Remove yourself.
d4955b No.156511
d89397 No.157511
Professor, you've missed the deadline.
Where's the money President Stronkov?