Ok, girls, now that the holiday festivities are over and most of us have sobered back up (except for the onis–we all know you're still hammered), who has some good stories to tell?
Any tales of fun and passionate dates you want to share? Don't leave out any of the juicy details about the hand holding or the head patting, and especially not the cuddling.
Anyone out there find the love of their life as they bid farewall to the old year?
Maybe you just want to commiserate after another year gone by without a husbando.
Let's hear it!
Khenmaat is still going, though. I'm eagerly waiting for the 13th so that my husband can find me in his sleeping bag for the second time.
Roper here. My boyfriend seems to be very into anal play. I don't mind it, but my mother thinks he'll alp if I peg him with my tentacles too much. Is that true?
yes. Hes very vulnerable to alping if he likes anything in his butt
A dude is only at risk of alpine if he wants to be fucked by a dude. Just because he has a weird fetish dosen't mean he's gay.
In short, you're both wrong. Only partially, but still wrong.
Your boyfriend sounds like a faggot.
Dump that faggot into a woodchipper
HELP I GOT OUT OF MY CAGE MISTRESS WON'T BE BACK FOR HOURS WHAT DO I DO
find all the beef, cigarettes and everything else that strenghens your testosterone and when she comes back alpha her into the loving wife she never knew she wantet to be.
take it from a former dom dyke, shit works like a charm.
Alright so there's plenty of meat and eggs and stuff but I also found this plastic tub with some tiny glass bottles in it with all kinds of strance labels like 'elixir' and 'nostrom' and shit. The tub had my name written on the side.
I would take a photo but I don't even own any clothes let alone a camera or phone.
well whatever this stuff is it seems your mistress plans to use it on you.
never heard of this nostrom stuff, im european and im guessing we dont have whatever that is sorry
maybe hide the stuff and use the remaining time untill she comes back to improvise a copy key to your cage so that you can continue building up strengh untill your ready to face her.
for that you need to find the original key a bar of soap and some wax.
>NoHusbandos RPing as human boys again
Robot please go and stay go
Will you join us in our campaign to free Jared Fogle?
sabbath dont like thirsty pedos you twatburger. They try to find strong males who can actually defend them.
That's true for baphs at least, but the problem is that baphs are supposedly the strongest of mamonos and still want a human man stronger than them, which is kinda like if a 3DPD was 8 feet tall but refused to date any man shorter than her.
i think you had to do something that was beyond their abilities to get in their good graces. basically picky little fucks, who may have no idea what they want.
It works for us witches, though! We often get the guys the baphies turn down. Can't let those onii-chans go to waste!
>It's okay, I'll get a taste of master after they're all done
>I missed out last time, but not again, surely
>Haaah~ Imagine if I had a master all to myself
Christmas was good. Got my guy over for a movie marathon and managed to get him to use my pillows when he fell asleep. I wanted to be awake when he realized where he was, but I fell asleep and I think he heard me talk in my sleep. I was so embarrassed I locked myself in the bathroom.
So I think he knows. I mean, he stayed there till I came out. Got Chinese after, but I can't just blurt my words out when he's looking at me. Still went better than when I actually tried to confess at the park.
<dear, you won't have to wait in line if there's no one else to go in line
<don't you know what's best for your master? you always seem to say so when we take an interest.
<using you as pillows? ah, a true poster of good taste
>TFW my previous host fucking died
>Turns out she was a wanted criminal
MY LUCK FUCKING SUCKS
How the fuck do you even manage to type
Do you just, do the old' sperg-n-spasm all over the keyboard until something pops out?
I'd assume she just uses her edge
>How the fuck do you even manage to type?
I don't, I tell my husband what to type
How the fuck does their host just die in the first place?
>not being able to recognize a troll attentionwhoring
Sigh… Being a troll on the internet is suffering.
What did we ever do to have our name get all those negative connotations?
>human girls still think they can make all their problems go away by pretending they don't exist
Maybe if you didn't type like a dyke you wouldn't get so much shit
My previous host was a bandit, someone recognized her and shot her in the head. Turns out she robbed that person before
It was nice, but sometimes I wonder why I seem to be the only Holstaur that picked a guy that doesn't immediately give himself to her. Most others I know don't take nearly this long.
>being a fucking "bandit"
Probably deserved it tbh
Maybe he's lactose intolerant?
Just a few more drops of cum and I'll be able to do that shrinking thing!
So we're all using the same internet cafe terminals, so what?
This is the one thread where I don't think IDs should matter much, unless you have a good way of changing/spoofing your ID every time you have a post idea. This is a thread for having a little fun.
Dear, if you can't commit to being yourself then I'm afraid there's no way you're going to get a man. Why are you acting like so mang different Monsters? Did your man leave you during the Holidays or… oh don't tell me, you're a virgin?
Is it really wrong to let my fellow wives use my computer while our husband's away?
Any other parasitic mamono here? I need to talk with someone who understand my issues
*understands my issues
I'M LITERALLY A SENTIENT SWORD
>Part of local police force
>All the guys I see on a daily basis are criminals or hard-asses with wives.
>Just want someone who will listen and brush me.
I hate my job.
Some of us don't need to drive around a stinking, used human vagoo to get a man.
I never asked for this
Naw, I've seen him eat and drink plenty of dairy. I don't know how to actually get my words out. Advice?
Pic related should be the obvious answer
She's an ushi, not an ushi-oni. But I understand… a girl has her needs.
Try this. Next time he seems really stressed about something, pick your moment and give him a hug. And I mean a nice, long, full frontal, squish your chest against his, with a back rub thrown in, hug. Take slow, deep breaths to help keep both of you calm. Tell him that it's ok, that you're right there with him, and that you'll always be by his side to help him, if he will have you. If this embarrasses you, get over it. You'll have to lay most of your cards out on the table, but that's just how these things go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
What you do and say next is up to you and the situation. If you are feeling particularly raunchy, try gently patting his head and running your fingers through his hair. Hopefully, it will be the start of a really good talk for the two of you.
Yeah, I'm a filthy, depraved romantic. Deal with it.
Might I suggest abusing your power and just searching random guys who speed? Works wonders
OH do I have a conflicting story for you.
>Be me, a meido
>Family is loyal to our employers for generations, treating them like family too.
>Bunch of rich Anubi 3rd generation immigrants in europe.
>Seeking to up their fortune they travelled, and hired my grandma to work for them, passing for generations, and here I am.
>Am pretty much the youngest (2) Anubi's best friend growing up.
>Fast forward till I became 12..
>House got bigger, and the family needed more people taking care of it.
>Having connections, they hired a new trustworthy family to help them take care of the place.
>A diligent succubus mom being the family's personal secretary (making my mom happy to focus more on the house and my dad), and a dad who is pretty much their bodyguard.
But this is where the problem comes in.
>Their son moved in with them.
>2 years older than me.
>Act like an autistic dyke whenever he's around.
>He does more than his share around the house and everyone likes him.
>Everything about him is perfect.
Fast forward 2 years
>Have a slumber party with the girls.
>My 2 besties told me how much they like him and that they want him to sleepover at their rooms that night (never happened)
>They told me having him would mean the world to them.
>They told me all the dirty things they'd do to him if they got the chance.
>I just want to hold hands and cuddle with him.
>They both cried to me, saying only a cruel cruel monster they'd never look in the eye at again would take away their happiness.
Fast forward 6 more years
>Everyone's grown up now.
>Girls still haven't confessed to him.
>Neither have I.
>His family "repaid it's debt" (whatever that means)
>And now they're going to move out of the house.
>idk if I'll see him again.
>Besties have this fire in their eyes like a starved animal seeing its first meal in weeks
>Saw them earlier this morning
>"I'm gonna do it! Today is the day." they both went.
>mfw I don't think they're bluffing
>mfw I am conflicted with making myself happy and ruining the bond I had with my other family.
>mfw I could just let it slide and let them have it if it means that the total happiness in the world increases
Just kill me now.
I think the only time he gets that way is if he drinks, according to mutual friends, but I've never seen it happen. I suppose I can scope out the bar he goes to since there's no way I'd ever get into his apartment without him knowing and letting his guard down.
It's not a bad idea, hopefully he'll be the one to hug me first though instead of me sneaking one in.
Try getting yourself assigned to an area with high foot traffic and low crime for a little while. Once the regulars in that area get to know you, you can visit when off-duty and have a decent chance of meeting someone matching the description you gave.
Don't give up your own happiness for theirs. Better yet have him choose between the three of you to see which one he loves most
>using bikequeans shitty comic
They seem willing to share him, so what would be the problem with you also being with him?
>I should let him go so that others can be happy
It's kikis like you who end up in dirty depressed poorhouses, with a bunch of dogs to clean up after instead of children, wearing spectacles and crankily yelling at the nearby teens.
So, do I go for it? In front of my close friends? In secret? Share?
I don't know how I feel about this. He'd technically be my actual and first master by that point.
shen the bike duck who originally drew the comic
Try actually talking to your friends about it.
I got the reference earlier, instead of bikuk it's bikequeans
Gotta cross out that option they want him all to themselves, and are too "Hungry" to share.
>"Hey Anna, Isabelle, my 2 besties and sisters. Did you know I love him too? Thought I should hear out your opinion."
Are your friends danuki?
Go for it, in secret. Tell your friends to wait for some reason, then go and confess to him behind their backs. He'll accept you, and you're set for life.
All's fair in love and war. No guilt or shame expected. No lines to cross.
>all these cuckquadrupeds
Is your collective husband away fucking some other woman so you have to shitpost here instead of getting any love?
Going by >>333047, I might have an idea where her husband is.
<her threat response is obviously lacking. then again, she can never be as close to her master as we.
Allowing Any Other To Have Him Shows Nothing But Weakness.
If your friends won't share, you must rape them to show dominance.
You're in for it now, /human/ thread or not
I want a husbando who'll join me in the fight against the Danuki Occupational Government.
Look, I'm friends with a Danuki and I can tell you that the racist sterotype of them is just that, a racist sterotype. Go back to /pol/ you slut.
the DIDF doesn't even put effort into their posts anymore. At least try to entertain us when you shill
>post gets deleted
>post the exact same thing again
I tried so hard to raise my daughter as a good unicorn. She came by recently to introduce us to her husband…
…and his other wife
…and his other wife
…and his other wife.
What should I do?
Introduce yourself silly
Disown her and hire a hitman. Only real option for her disgrace.
I used to have a Cheshire as my host, she wouldn't stop making shitty puns even when I took over her body, needless to say I detached from her when I realized the puns would never end
hey, extra grandkids
Come on anon, it’s 2018, your family needs more diversity don’t be so bigoted to other ideas :^)
Perchance…. d-does anyone here know about locks?
oh honey what did you do
Simple introduce her husband to your fist…
…and your other fist
…and your other fist
…and your other fist
I… might have been masturbating to the dyson adverts again. Master might have… come home early that day.
I thought it ended well! He took me to bed and… you know.
And then I woke up with this thing on me. That was a couple of days ago. He's out on a business trip again and I don't know when he'll be back!
Please, he does this sort of thing all the time. He likes to try things without asking. I sort of told him I like it…
I didn't know about this, ok!?
…I'm not one to judge other girls' preferences, but really girl? Your master was probably angry first, then sad pretty soon after. I mean that hurts a guy's pride, you know?
But anyway, locks are a tricky business if you don't know what you're doing. You could just shove a nice hard paperclip and a teeny tiny screwdriver in there and just fiddle around for a while, and hope for the best. But you might break it that way, and then it'll never come off. We don't want that now do we?
There are a lot of resources online for lockpicking if you're feeling lucky.
Alternatively, you can pick out a fine tooth metal saw from a hardware store and get to work going back and forth and back and forth until it goes pop!
whoops didn't mean to sage
I tried that already! I wish I could give you a closer look at this lock… it would probably take days to saw through, and I'm horny NOW!
And those italics. Really? Are you trying to torture me?
I'm so mad at master. I feel so hot… I don't know if I'm going to be able to stop myself from jumping on him when he gets back…
My, my. It would be awfully convenient for you if you could simply fashion a key of the desired size and shape out of your own body right now, would it not, my dear?
Who knows, that might be just what he wants. A wound up, horny, desperate for sex maid ready to jump him and rut for hours is just the kind of wild juxtaposition for a nice obedient maid that gets a man's blood pumping!
You know the thing they do with babies, where they offer them a chocolate now but two chocolates if they can wait ten minutes? I get the feeling this is one of those "experiments." Just wait it out and try not to wet yourself in the meantime.
Oh leave the poor thing alone you overglorified sentient booger. Disobedience is as good an excuse as any to be disciplined proper by a nice firm rod.
Speaking of, >>333852, maybe he'll give you a good spanking for being a bad maid, hm?
What, I can't help myself, my husband loves the teasing and it's just so natural at this point when I see such an easy target
I keep forgetting to leave off my fucking sage, sue me
Are you a cheshire? Maybe you keep the sage on because you like the color purple so much.
> Deliberately disobeying the Master to MaNIpuLaTE hIM?!
The camera at our front gates just picked something up! I think it might be him!
Oh, it's just the milk girl…
I'd better go deal with this. Before I get into any more trouble.
God I'm a sight. Why did this have to happen while I'm in heat?
Sounds like a personal problem to me
Well… if you're really desperate… there is something you can do…
Speaking of milk girl, I wonder how that holstaur is doing with her boyfriend struggles.
Know any friends with magic spells that could help? Or did he ward the lock against magic?
God, that went terribly. I don't know what she must have thought, I could hardly get my words out…
If you think it would work, my ears are standing right up.
I dont know. It's probably well warded given master's work…
I don't get it. Where does one get a thing like this? I can't believe I'm trapped in this little thing. It's locked tight on my hips and it won't come off!
I can't stop thinking about master! I want him so much…
PLEASE COME HOME, MASTER!
The belt gives you access to your poop chute, right?
Excuse me for a while. I might just get my broom…
My, I've never gotten undressed so fast. My apron, it's all torn. No. No don't think about that. Just up and… Balance on the chair…
Oh, that's almost there! If I can just get it in a bit further I bet I could-
Was that the door?
Alas, poor Meido! I knew her well
Yo how do alps get their dick back? Asking for a friend.
>be at him apartment one day
>nothing really going on, he's on the couch playing games and I'm standing behind him, watching
>get and idea and decide I'm gonna squish my boobs against the back of his head
>heart starts pounding as I extend my hands
>time seems to slow down
>arms arent moving anymore
>shit, I panicked, but cant withdraw
>buzzer goes off, startling me enough to cause me to yelp
>"Hell yeah! Pizza's here!", he says.
>he comes back to the living room, calling my name and spunding confused
>I'm huddled up behind the couch, trying to be as small as possible
>he taps my shoulder
>face is burning as I look up at him, hiding my face as best I can in my arms
>he blinks a few times and looks concerned
>he grins and grabs my arms and pulls me up
>I'm speechless, my mind is going a mile minute
>"Relax", he tells me
>he takes my hand in his
>he leads me back in front of the couch and sits me down
>hand suddenly feels cold
>he let go
>I'm now holding a paper plate with a large slice of pizza
>he looks over at me, chewing on his own slice expectantly
>I take a bite and sheepishly look away
>hear him chuckle
Not much better.
>Squats and oats
>Protein from meat. I better not see soy in there.
>Banya. Not your pleb sauna, BANYA. That means sitting in 100 degree heat. 100 celsius. You better whip yourself with a venik too, pussy.
>Chug some vodka or rectified spirits if you're a real hard bastard, punch out a bear, and go swimming in a frozen lake.
Ya nah. You're shit out of luck, m8. You won't get your dick back. So you might as well go full slav oni so you don't become bullybait.
Are you ok?
Is the broom ok?
You need to restore your test level to un-alp. Sperm is said to contain test, so I suggest finding a good friend, maybe one that makes your chest and face feel warm when you think of him, and sucking his dick until you get enough spunk in you to trigger the reversal. If your breasts, hips and ass start getting bigger that's a good sign because it means your muscle is returning. The process could take multiple days, so I suggest doing some exercise everyday to improve your chances. I recommend a lot of squats.
Sorry dude, once you alp you stay alp. But you can squat and oat your way to becoming a gymalp sis with thighs and an ass that could make a man jizz his pants with a single flex rather than some whip-thin sissyalp instead. That way you can retain some dominance and composure.
By drinking large quantities of clorox
>overglorified sentient booger
>My boyfriend seems to be very into anal play
Man I’m not even gay and this shit happened to my friend after fapping to a girl just because she had a dick. It was a feminine one too.
Vols I’m requesting an edit since I can’t delete my post I meant to say my friend isn’t even gay
It wasn't his fault the succubus couldn't control herself.
Anyone else a little worried about that kikimora?
I hope she didn't wind up doing an improptu impression of a young inari.
I'm a little worried, but what can you do? If she's not posting then I can imagine she must be pretty tied up with something or other at the moment. All we can hope is that she's enjoying herself now.
Worry not, master is here. Looks like our IP's changed since my little songbird was in here. I somehow doubt it matters.
When I came to my love, flowers in hand - with only the most noble of intentions, I assure you - I was greeted by a rather curious sight. Not only was my carefully caged songbird rather furiously forcing herself down onto her very expensive nimbus 4500 ribbed broom - showing, I think, a fundimental failure to grasp both the reason and purpose of her punishment - but she was in very real danger of seriously hurting herself. Needless to say I got her down as fast as I could, but not before the internal mechinism of the belt fired and ejected the broom just as she was close to reaching climax before locking completely shut at the rear. I have no doubt such a sudden action would have definitely caused her to fall and hurt herself. Luckily, I was there - a revelation that sent her quite wild. I think she, quite justifiably, said a few things she probably didn't mean then. As always I shut her down with a kiss, and that was that. Her hand was straight down the front of my shirt, retrieving the key, and for the next day, she became master. I'm typing this on a phone now. Partially because she might be woken if I start moving, and partly because, well, my pelvis hurts.
I don't think I can stay mad at her, but one thing still confuses me. She put the belt back on herself. I can feel it on her hips, and it's leaking a little. She's going to be in heat for another week at least, so why?
The key is just here, next to me, by the way. She told me I'd better take good care of it, or she'll never talk to me again
But I can't tempt her out of it. She says she wants to feel like that again.
Perhaps this is a better question for /master/, but I'll run it by you girls as well; what's come over my dear songbird? I'm quite worried.
Never mind, looks like my IP is back to what it was. How unusual.
It's quite simple, our feathered friend is like a wind up toy; one of those Jane-in-the-box types. You crank and crank and crank the little spring inside and eventually she'll burst out of the box. That's regular sex. Now throw a padlock on the lid, and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank and crank.
And then you open the lock. Understand?
She just did two days. Perhaps now we'll try four or five. I'll stay with her, maybe rub her breasts and stroke her thighs a little if she's a good girl. Just ever so gently though.
Perhaps that might change her mind. But then, isn't that what chastity is?
Yes, I think we need to put something longer term in place. Obviously my love's addiction must be corrected. With her advance consent, of course. I've learned my lesson there.
You vile creatures can laugh all you want, but the Holy States of America will prevail in the end! DEUS VULT!
Ugh, one of these.
You can't fool me reptile. We know you desire to lead people away from the light of Christ just lie the rest of your kind.
Didn't read but after skimming this it looks like thinly veiled monster propoganda
How does a board like that not devolve into endless bickering between the shoggoth and kikimora camps?
Have you never been? That's all it is really. A bunch of men arguing over which of the two is superior.
Why would servants of Christ associate with those pagans?
I think you know why.
Will there be elves?
I need to know I want an elf wife.
What the fuck are you on about, rape bait?
>>334125(USER WAS BANNED FOR MGU Cancer)
mgu leave and stay leave
Honestly, it gets tiresome watching two servant races go at it. As if being a different kind of slave makes you anything better than that. You should just leave the men to your betters and remember your place.
This might not speak well of how much attention I pay, but what is MGU?
Basically MG forum tied to reddit and furfag sites.
What did he post?
Back to your keep Sir Fagalot.
>Dog girls or elf women only.
Be careful what you wish for…
Unless you are into that sort of thing.
>reddit and furfag sites
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Man, how much of a little bitch do you have to be to come up with this shit?
sounds like bad /r/hfy redditing.and the general furfag menace trying to co opt paladin posting so they can come here and shit up the place with unfunny trashposting.
The edgy shit is mostly reddit trash pushed by furfags on mgu. the dense campy paladin posting was at best funny shitposts found on 4/jp/'s general and this place before it got the attention of redditfags.
>Find some random helmet out in some dungeon
>Decide to put it on since my current one is shit
>My head falls off
OH SHIT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
What would a Troll's toes taste like?
just don't panic lady
you'll lose your head
Head still works right?
I don't think that it's relevant any more, just a hunch
I hear the Demon Lord is always looking for good recruits for her army.
The image was of poor quality and a paladindu wielding a spear with a severed head impaled on the tip.
It still works but that's the least of my concerns
>I live in The Order's capital
>I'm a high ranking knight
I could potentially lose everything, last time something like this happened to one of the knights they were executed under suspicion of being a spy. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to pack up all of my shit and get the hell out of here
>>>Running from your duty
>>>Running from your duty
I want newcunts to leave.
What the hell should I do then?
Multiclass into rogue.
Time to clear out of Order territory, honey, if you want to keep that pretty little head on your shoulders… well, you know what I mean.
If you need help, I'm sure one of my fellow succubi is lurking somewhere around there disguised as a human. I'll send word. They'll try to find you. Just get going as soon as you can.
When you are a safe distance from the capital, make a bee line for the nearest dark demon realm. You'll be safe there, and you'll have time to figure things out and talk to people. You really should think about enlisting in the Demon Lord's army, though. She loves disciplined dullahan soldiers like yourself.
One more word of advice. You haven't been one of us for long, and your kind can run on fumes better than most, but sooner or later…you're going to get hungry. The sooner you get to mamono-friendly territory, the sooner you can get some spirit energy supplements. They taste nasty, but it beats starving.
Unless of course there is a certain someone you were attracted to before all this. You could always try picking up a carry-out Order on your way out!
Thanks for the advice, already made my way out of Order territory and have already made my way to an inn in Lescatie, now I just need to find the supplements or a travelling companion/potential husband
I'm probably going to join the Demon Lord's army, do you know if she needs an artifact hunter? Because that was my job when I was in the Order, they would send me to retrieve an artifact for them and I would be allowed to keep all of the loot I could carry, it paid pretty well for obvious reasons.
I hadn't considered this until the thread title, but getting akaname licked in the cold would just be awful. And I like akaname.
So, how is daily life with monster girls treating you?
>do you know if she needs an artifact hunter?
Hmm, well, I can't say I know much about the Demon Army's business; I'm more of a lover than a fighter. Can't hurt to ask though. If there are any artifacts out there that can help the Demon Lord's plan along, I'm sure she has people out looking for them. We don't want extinction any more than your (former) Order does.
Aside from that, I guess you could always try looking for odd jobs from a lich or a dark mage or someone like that, but good luck finding them. They may have a keen interest in magical relics, but many of them tend to be very reclusive.
Lastly… and… ughhh… I hate to even bring them up, but… you could try your local Sabbath branch. I can't stand those pesky pettankos myself, but they do sometimes offer work that might suit your skillset. Just don't go along with their proselytizing, unless you want to look like an eight year old for the rest of your life.
I'm doing good, finally got my head to stop falling off constantly. I joined the Demon Lord's army, thankfully the position I wanted was open. My first mission was to retrieve some old spell tome, there were also some paladins there for it but it was pretty easy to deal with them, I raped them, knocked them unconscious, then stole their gear
Also got those supplements, they really do taste horrid but at least I have a more reliable source now due to being in the Demon Lord's army
> I raped them
There was more than 1 paladin, wasn't easy to do both of em at once but I did it
You are missing the point of >>335223
Oh, forgot to specify they were male
You seem to have misunderstood the reason why folks are taking issue with the 'them' aspect of your account. Most folk here (bicorns and a few other individuals being the difference between 'most' and 'all') tend to take issue with the following in regard to sexual partners:
>There was more than 1
This attitude of dislike towards having multiple partners is strongest in regard to multiple male partners. Just something to take under advisement as you adapt to your new life.
>whoring out to multiple men in a single encounter.
I don’t think you’re a dullahan at all.
Look, I'm new to this, okay? I was a human less than a week ago, not to mention I was getting kind of hungry
>Look, I'm new to this, okay?
Yeah I'll fucking say you are
And the Order wonders why they keep losing their men to us.
>Dullathot needs a husbando
(((We))) might be able to help you
For (((a price)))
I really need some help…
I met this really caring guy about a year ago and he has been growing really distant as of late. He used to always look at me with affectionate eyes. Always! Now it is almost like blank indifference. To make things worse today as I cleaned out the "Dungeon" as he calls it. I found something that I am not sure how to react to. While there was not anything that you probably would not expect in a room where men get together, watch all those ball games, and drink beer. I did find this hidden magazine under one of the couch pillows and I am speechless.
Should I confront him? I just do not know…
>Going into a man's personal Dungeon
>Searching through a man's personal Dungeon
>Finding a hidden magazine under one of the couch pillows
>Not finding a magazine hidden under one of the couch pillows
Just let the man have his fun, you cunt. All those rumors about paladins being niggers is just a meme pushed by the danukis
Try cosplaying as a nun or a paladin.
Oh hell no, I've been Danuki'd before and I'm not gonna fall for it again
>proactively dates two different guys at the same time
>doesn't even husbando one of them
You are not a human girl anymore. Stop behaving like one.
You are a monster girl now, so show some class and act like it.
grumble… can't believe that hussy would do something like that…even ushi-onis aren't that wanton.
I wasn't dating any of them, just got hungry. Now let's get back to the shitposting
As if you autists have any moral authority these days.
Not that you're wrong, it shows an abominable lack of self-control, but everyone knows Anubi sniff at just about anyone.
Anubii are sluts? Dish dish dish! The only one I ever knew couldn't even talk to guys. She would collapse into a stammering wreck if we even got a friendly male server when we went to the canteen. I thought she was going to have a stroke when we bumped into a cute guy buying a leggo(?) robut thingy that one time.
I'd rather have an anubis than some creature as dumb as a bag of bricks. blue eyes are better anyway
>the shiksa doesn't know where the "supplements" come from nor how
You really are New.
Do you know what happens if you stay on the "supplements" too long? It's not pleasant, I can tell you that much.
>Anubi sniff at just about anyone.
<Anubii are sluts?
That is not what that idiom means. "To sniff at" means "to show disapproval" or "to regard in a contemptuous or dismissive manner". This hellhound might want to consider improving her vocabulary.
>Do you know what happens if you stay on the "supplements" too long?
Do tell, please. I have been using them for years for quick pick-me-ups for my magic lessons and have not noticed any negative side effects. I do wish those golems could improve the taste, though.
Don't look at me like that. When all the other girls were out looking for husbands, my parents (both professors at a prestigious magic academy) made me stay home and study. Now it's just hard for me to approach guys because I am scared they will find a nerdy bookworm like me too boring.
Shut up nerd! I can reed good and do other stuff good too! Sniffing at just means something different to us that aren't nose blind.
>"I have been using them for years"
>no husbando betaburrito
>hasn't noticed the side effects of long term reliance on supplements
Would you say you've been a REGULAR supplement user(e.g. 3 or more days in a week) for 3-5 years or longer?
>Would you say you've been a REGULAR supplement user?
Well, no. I mean, I only used them every now and then when my mana was running low from too much spell casting and I needed to power through. Maybe once a week or so? I don't know. Normal food only contains so much spirit energy, you know? And practicing high level magic for exams can get really taxing on your mana.
Now you really do have me curious–and worried. What are you danukis not telling us?
You should probably see an OBGYN with a specialization in fertility.
Prolonged use and/or excessive reliance on mana supplements carries a risk of decreased fertility and in some cases outright sterility.
I told Ringtail & Kleinestripe it was a bad idea to skimp on the font size of the warning labels but they thought I was being overdramatic.
Though, to be fair it wouldn't have even been an issue if the damn Inari hadn't have been so deadset on raising the tariffs on printer ink and toner. So who's really to blame here?
At last the real reason for low inter-fertility between humans and mamonos comes out…
But they want to take our guns away and leave us at the mercy of thugs and killers.
Danuki occupied government is a meme. It's just the Paladindus and Orderfaggots that want you to believe they are not working in your favor when they are actually working against both their interests.
Gee, I wonder who could be behind this post?
>Try to put the moves in on a cute human
>They always insist they've already gotten themselves a Kikimora every time I try to take them as my master
What did I do to deserve this? What does some Kikimora slut have that I don't, huh?
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Just simply prove you are the better option one way or another.
Oh sure, that's easy when every cute guy in a 10-mile radius seems to run off as soon as I try to smile. Last human I managed to get close to was some weirdo chubster who insisted I was a 'Sister of Nyogtha' or whatever, doesn't matter, and tried to make me have his 'unholy half-breed spawn' as part of some ritual. Serves me right for trying, I guess.
It's just… I just wish people gave me a chance, y'know? I mean, am I really that freaky? I know I'm not exactly… Flesh and bone like a Kikimora is, but is that really that bad? I know it's… Kinda creepy that you can use me as furniture, but isn't that convenient? Convenience isn't creepy, right?
Am I just… gonna have to accept that cute guys don't like their girls the physical consistency of silicone sealant? Accept that I only appeal to occultists who fantasize about getting it on with unspeakable horrors? I just… Don't know. Maybe I should just drink some more. I might've… Raided someone's liqueur cabinet. I didn't actually think alcohol would work on me and… Mmm. I'm like… A big jelly shot. I wish… I was a cute boy's jelly shot…
Well if you're THAT desperate (((I))) might be able to (((help))) you, goopgoyim.
You better be selling some cute boys and for a good price, else I'm not drunk enough to be interested. Whatcha have in mind?
Would it really be so bad to date an occultist? I mean, a good number of them like you for what you really are.
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The problem with occultists is that every one I've tried to charm only ever want me because I'm so 'eldritch' or 'lovecraftian' and not because they really love Me. I'm ~exotic~ because they're sleeping with something that's going to totes drive them mad, but I've given them too many chances to ever dare to again. It's just not fun that the only reason that somebody seems to take an interest in you is because you're weird.
You uh, wouldn't happen to know any nice occultists, do you? I might… Give them a chance. Maybe. Only maybe.
>You uh, wouldn't happen to know any nice occultists, do you? I might… Give them a chance. Maybe. Only maybe.
Justician occultists seem nice enough. Maybe they'd be initially be drawn to you by whatever they can see about you before talking to you, but the big emphasis on family and love means they'd want to get to know you better.
> What does some Kikimora slut have that I don't, huh?
If Ms. Spooky Slime could get a bone in her I'm sure she wouldn't be posting
>Nun or paladin
You could try and get a bikini armor
My loneliness is not a joke, you overgrown furball!
I could theoretically squeeze a skeleton inside myself, but I think that'd have the opposite effect. It's the boobs they're after, isn't it?
I'll take it into… Consideration. They uh… Don't mind tentacles, do they? I mean I know some guys are kind of into that sort of thing but… Just checking. Just in case.
Um, hello? I know I'm probably coming to the wrong place just by posting here, but I don't know who else to ask. I'm just thankful I have any connectivity at all; I'm guessing my love was on here last and
Wait. Did my love put a word-replace filter on this thing or something? Maybe it's a privacy thing; I mean, it's one of the few external-material items in here…
Nevermind. Point is, my love recently got some mail, the usual catalogs, the sort of things she uses to get inspiration on what new outfits to look like she's wearing. Problem is, the most recent catalog involved wedding dresses - it's the one with the Ittan-momen model, you know? And she must have tried taking on similar forms, as usual. But something happened in between then and now, and she's either sulking, catatonic, somewhere in between, or worse. I know she had problems with the color white, but still.
Nothing I've tried has broken her out of this funk - not stroking the silverware, not reading from the more exotic works, not even provoking her into a good old-fashioned melt-together. She didn't even twitch on that one. I'm getting seriously worried.
Take this advice with a grain of salt, because it's from the perspective of the recipient: be subtle. Focus more on the intellectual side of the occult, rather than the maddening aspects; provide threads, but make them be the ones to pull. Seriously, it's how I met my love. Decided to investigate an old manor, got hit by a storm that was pretty much predicted weeks in advance, stayed in because the hospitality was amazing, rest is history.
What happened to your Master? Was he carted off to the local asylum?
>They uh… Don't mind tentacles, do they? I mean I know some guys are kind of into that sort of thing but… Just checking. Just in case.
They should be fine with it so long as you're not into prostate play.
That's… That's not funny. Maybe. Yes.
No orifices would be penetrated without any would-be Master's permission, I assure you. And them. I try to keep all my limbs in check, y'know. Emphasis on 'try'.
I guess it's worth trying at least? Find somebody who's not into the occult for the madness like a junkie hungers for his next high, maybe stake out some nice abandoned spot to lure them in from… Well, it's not like I've got anyting better to do. Thank you, I think.
Oh, I think (((We))) can arrange something………
>I could theoretically squeeze a skeleton inside myself, but I think that'd have the opposite effect.
I'm glad you didn't misinterpret that… That would have gone poorly
> It's the boobs they're after, isn't it?
I thought shogs had the advantage in that area.
>Without your masters permission
If he wants you to do so then he's probably going to turn into an alp fairly soon
Might be worthwhile to look into either getting a job or becoming a regular patron at an older library, museum, or shop of some sort. Take advantage of regular encounters with people who also have a reason to be there to get to know a potential master before mentioning your interest in them. It would also play well into following the advice of >>336419 which I can confirm as effective from seeing in action (for quite a variety of folk I might add). The key part of what I'm saying is create a reason for you to be in a situation conducive to conversation, it makes finding a good relationship much easier (and less stressful).
>I thought shogs had the advantage in that area.
Well, uhm… Unlike with Kikimoras master's fingers might slip into the 'flesh' of my boobs if he squeezes too hard. It's kind of embarassing…
If master's curious about anal it's only right I abide! Right? I mean unless master wants me to look like a man…
I miiiight just make an application to the local library, yeah. It's run by an elderly Jorou-Gumo, she's pretty kind (if a bit… Special, but I'm one to talk) and if I'm lucky might be understanding of my ah, plight. I'll just have to convince her I'll actually do my job instead of ogling cute boys. I mean I'll do both, but… Still.
Is this shit even legal?
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
Ohohohohohoho, oh My. You dizzy bitch. What in the World did he have in his head to make you so ridiculously casual?
Aha, well. If you insist; would it be weird for me to say that I'm kind of afraid of occultists? Not because I worry they'd do me harm or whatever but rather because I worry about what they want from me. When they see me they don't think 'maid', they think of me as a gateway to their beliefs. I'm less a mamono, more a tool for them to wield to get what they want. I… Caved in once. With one human. Y'know, wanted to see 'the Truth' and all that gunk you hear these people blabber on about. I showed them things the human mind wasn't… Really sculpted to handle. Obviously it's tempting for them to assume they're the ones who are able to, but…
So! Nowadays I try to to keep a low profile. Just… Hoping someone will notice me, or something. Doubt that's gonna go very far. I can't believe you got me to blogpost.
My dear, if you're having troubles with men, I may have a solution. May. May. You see, my brother-in-law lacks that certain someone in his life, and in all honesty is unlikely to find his way towards that end any time soon…but aside from a lack of initiative (the man is alright, but ends up buried in books - sometimes literally, the shelves are packed - more days than is healthy), I think he would be right up your alley. He's the sort to venture outside on occasion for fresh air, but gets lost in his thoughts until he returns, and with as much interest in fiction as he has, you would have no trouble in showing him a whole new world of joy. After all, reality is stranger than fiction~
And no, the man isn't a cultist. Just…interested in the works of those who end up on that path? At most he might read something that gibbers at him, but it never seems to affect him. It's actually rather bizarre. My own husband has commented on the man's resilience in the face of madness - you'd better act quick, or some silly Wonderlander might snatch him up!
See, this is why you're a lesser maid. You sulk and drink and don't get things done.
You want a husband/master? Simple, go find a gremlin girl. Then go dig up H. P. Lovecraft and take a bone sample. It has his DNA after all. Then clone him.
>b-but he'll still be a child
So what? You live for who knows how long. Raise him as his loyal meido until the only woman for him is you. You can also /ss/ if that's your thing.
He doesn't sound like too bad of a guy, I suppose - not an occultist but knows just enough to not run away screaming, might be able to handle copulating, is probably a nice person if he comes recommended… You uh, wouldn't mind setting me up with this ah, brother-in-law, would you? Or y'know, just. Maaaaybe tell him about me? See if he's interested? Maybe? Please?
I am not a lesser maid! It's not my fault you keep stealing all the good men with your… Ugh! W-Why are you giving me advice?
>Why are you giving me advice?
Because proper maids don't spend their time sulking, drinking because of loneliness, and blogposting on a Taiwanese cave scratching site.
I may not like you overgrown jellies, but I dislike subpar maids more. We have standards that we live up to. Now get out there and git gud.
I'd be happy to help! But I'm afraid there's only so much I can tell you - these things are best learned first-hand, I've found. More importantly, there are others listening. I can provide a few details, at least: My mast- Husband. He prefers 'husband.' One of these days I'll remember that. My husband's brother is the older of the two by two years, at twenty-seven, and like I said before, quite the bookworm. He likes to settle into a place for a while, get to know the environment, only finding inclination to move on if he runs out of, shall we say, items of interest. If you're anything like me, that shouldn't be a problem. He's quite the imaginative sort - frankly, when my husband introduced us, he barely seemed to notice I had extended a pseudopod by mistake. It was quite embarrassing; serves me right for trying to focus on the laundry at that time.
Honestly, I think the man's almost…bored, perhaps? Yes, boredom would be the best term for his situation, a general malaise where he's searching for something but can't quite figure out what. If it helps, he did perk up a bit when I mentioned…our old home…but only showed curiosity with regard to its overall structure, rather than the ones responsible. He does draw a bit, along the lines of that wonderful Escher fellow.
Aside from that, though, I think the rest is something you'll have fun learning for yourself. Feel free to contact me at the usual channels; I'm not accusing anyone else here of anything, but I know for a fact that the board's been hit by both Orderites and those silly Sabbath children in the past, and while I have professional respect for our Siberian counterparts, I'm not willing to let one of them snatch up a master from us. Tekeli-li, you dogbird whores.
Above all, relax. The man's got more curiousity than common sense. He won't freak out or anything if things start moving toward our particular style of existence. Just…you might at times need to show some initiative? "Place" some books on the topic of our kind within reach, and I think he'll come round right quick~
An addendum to the contents of >>336642 :
I've been speaking with my mas-HUSBAND. Confound these reflexes. My husband believes his brother should be quite the fit for you, and plans to "provide a lead" on a place with "interesting things;" he'll be able to do so after we communicate, and can add to the description anything you care for me to pass along. The two don't really interact much, but they do trust and respect one another, and my husband believes this should send his brother your way quite rapidly.
I should probably sneer and call you an annoying featherhag for nosing around in my business, but… You're right. I'm a terrible excuse for a maid, and it just won't do. You're still a snooping hag, but you're right.
I… Must thank you for doing this for me, just out of the blue like that. I mean I figured I'd be laughed out for coming on here to whine about how nobody loves me like some destitute housewife while I drown my sorrows in cheap booze, but… Please forgive me if I seem sparse on words, but I really I think I'm at a loss of them. Words, I mean. Your brother-in-law sounds like a good man and I'd be honored to meet him. That's a… Good start, isn't it?
If it's not too much to ask, your husband could pass along that I have some books that might be of his brother's… Interest. As for what they're about, that's… Well, that's for him to see. Goodness, I really must clean myself up…
Good things start small. Like books. Or children! I imagine you'll give my Husband's brother quite a few of both~ I'll have my Husband describe a growing library; one with plenty of shelves and volumes that come and go. Simply the chance of catching them before they disappear should be enough to spur the man onward~ Best of luck to you. Truth be told, I was in your situation myself. For the longest time, I was actually stuck in the middle of a desolate forest. I could have left, but I had made a promise, and damnit I keep those. Then my Husband came along, and a week-long rain and some good books later, he decided to stay. You may recall, my Husband was actually in this thread not too long ago, asking for some aid he believed he needed to provide me. In actuality I was simply attempting to reconfigure a few things - dratted low-color pigments always gave me trouble, and I so very much wanted to model that one dress - and so his worries were for naught, but it did feel nice to be cared for. When you have your Master - and eventually your Husband - you'll know what I mean, thoroughly.
>Being a sanity-breaking abomination
Back to the depths of the ocean for you desu. You'll never have this.
And you do? Don't think I don't see the differences between the images. Attention to detail is, you know, kind of a thing for us homekeepers; if you're even half the maid you claim, you should know that yourself. There's at least three different Kikimora in that set. Hair parting, hair and feather root coloration, BWH proportions, even the facial skeletal features - they don't match.
Actually, I'm doubtful you're any of the Kikimora pictured at all. Funny thing? It's a poorly-kept "secret" that we don't actually hate each other. Oh, there's the rivalry, sure, and we keep up the appearance of anger and insult one another - I call them dogbird whores, they call us…various things? It's never the same thing, really. Much as I like being imaginative, I prefer not to put effort into insults, hence the repetition.
But it's more a matter of respect, really. I mean, we're pursuing the same methods for securing a man, of course there'd be conflict of interest. But for those of us who manage to find our Masters, that just…fades. All that's left is healthy competition, and an expectation of excellence in all things.
Actually, that reminds me of a bit of a fun situation I was in not too long ago. Pic related is a part of a game my Husband, his cousin, the cousin's maid and I took part in. The objectives involved my Husband and his cousin basically trading lives for a few days; whichever could not handle the other's responsibilities would lose the bet. The wager was minor - it was just a bit of fun, after all - but we maids decided to up the ante just a touch.
Believe it or not, that's me on the left. Didn't expect that, did you? Had to use a trencher to get around my limitations regard colors, and a couple literal feather dusters to deal with the textures of feathers and fur, but I managed. I still can't believe the skill Anya had with makeup. Maybe a feather or two poked through the "gel," and maybe a contact fell out a couple times, but outside observers couldn't tell the difference, so it was a good enough costume. Like being an actor for a day.
My advice? Go find your Master. If you don't have one, this will take some time. If you do have one, as you claim, this should take no time at all. Get him to help you recharge, and then maybe come back and talk. I doubt you'll be so tiffed as you are now. If you are, well, I guess you really are a dogbird whore.
I would a shoggo if we skip the other crap they do and get to the love making, baby making and only stick to me human, you my girlfriend.
I'm not a hard person to please.
Just gotta give em some shuggar baby.
My dear, I have good news and bad news. Well, my Husband does, but the point's the same either way.
The good news is, the brother-in-law is immensely intrigued, and intends to visit soon. Quite soon. Actually, that's also the bad news: he's on the way now, just went out the door in fact, and my Husband describes his general driving habits as "Ludicrous at minimum," specifically clarifying the capital L. I tell you this so you have advance warning - but do not fret, the man is too focused upon his learning and overall curiosity to notice much else. Simply put your best face forward, and you'll do just fine. After all, there's methods of learning that only we can provide. Let him "find out" in whatever manner you prefer, and I'm certain he'll seek you out for your own personal assistance soon enough.
Oh, and be sure to let us know when he makes the first move, would you dear? My Husband and I, we don't exactly have a wager, more an…interest, perhaps? In seeing this through. After all, my Husband was worried for years his brother wouldn't find his own special someone. Encountering you here was a stroke of luck.
>visited my folks on their farm for Christmas.
>they're still bugging me about getting married.
>mother tried to hook me up with one of their farmhands.
>he had a nice enough body and southern charm but he was a simpleton.
>we went on a date with my mother's insistence which was another waste of time.
>thankfully he was about as interested in me as I was in him.
>a man like him wouldn't enjoy city life with me which is essentially what I told him.
>he more or less agreed and said he'd want me to live on a farm with him if we were to get married
>it was still a nice enough date.
>to mess with my mom we decided he should ride me home.
>when mother saw us she got excited thinking we had hit it off.
>I told mom I'd lost a bet and that's why he was riding me.
>she got angry with me and told me how having him ride me like that was indecent.
>I couldn't take her seriously though and just laughed.
>I don't think he'd ever be my husband but at least he was a good friend.
Holy shit did /leftypol/ write this garbage?
>This may seem like baseless fear-mongering akin to the Eurabia scare
sage for OT I guess
He's… Coming already? Shitshitshitshitshit That's uh, those are great news! I'd never thought somebody would be so absoutely ecstatic to see me! Fuck fuck fuck I haven't even figured out a good look to seduce him with His visit is… Sooner than I'd thought it'd be, but I'll make sure to accomodate him nicely! Fuck fuck fuck Oh, and I really must thank you again for this chance - to think that I managed to stumble upon your kindness by sheer chance like this is… Quite mystifying, albeit welcome. Very welcome. Like your brother-in-law. Yes.
Oh no is that him knocking at the door please don't let me fuck this up
My arm got cut off, it'll grow back r-right?
I can only imagine you're reading this after the fact, dear, but if it helps, the man doesn't actually "do" first impressions. Relax, decrystallize, and just…be yourself. Really, his primary concerns - understanding of what is and could be - have made it so he barely notices most things he's not paying attention to.
Actually, even if you did, shall we say, end up less than composed in your meeting - to the extent that even he notices - that would only garner his attention, nothing less desirable. As a matter of fact, it might even be a boon toward future interactions. After all, it's proof positive there's more beneath the surface than the image we project~
You'll be fine. My Husband agrees with me on this, and notes that it's just something he had to deal with growing up; you could punch him flat in the face, and while it would get his attention, it'd take active aggression to even lower his opinion slightly. It's not easy to get him to come around - you'll have to work toward that end - but he guarantees that it would take far more work to make him turn away.
Also, have I really been posting without my avatar? How long…Abyss, I feel silly.
I realize I'm a bit late in giving you an after-report (can I really call it that?), but he's been sleeping so soundly for several hours now and I haven't been able to bring myself to reform back from being his bed. I'm typing this from my phone and it's not that great, but he's so cute when he's asleep… Did you know he does this adorable thing where he scrunches his nose when you-
…Uh. Uhm. It went well! Really, really well. We got off on a pretty rocky start (I was still cleaning up when he came knocking and I miiight have reeked of cheap booze) but somehow I actually managed to convince him to stay the night with me! Which you'll probably hear about later from him. Ah.
He was… Surprisingly lax about the whole mamono-thing. I guess he's used to you? At first I wasn't even sure he was aware I was a Shog until he asked about my- Yeah.
I don't want to play things up as being bigger than they were; we spent the night blabbering about books and getting to know each other better (I think he's happy that he's found someone who actually knows what he's talking about), nothing… Particularly saucy. Sorry.
Somehow I got him to agree to letting me ah, 'tuck him in', and that's how we are where we are. We've already set up plans for a second, less impromptu date and we're both really looking forward to it. I really must thank you again for giving me this chance-
Oh no he just started hugging me help me he's adorable
Well, things possibly could have gone better, but dear, with those few exceptions I do believe you just may have managed to make one of the best impressions on the man that anyone ever has. Really, the fool has never reacted quite so well to anyone before. By my Husband's reckoning, the man wasn't expected to open up so much as this for at least a month, if not three; why, we may need to start thinking about your wedding soon~
Just keep up whatever you're doing, be yourself, and have patience. From my Husband's stories, this last is what halted so many other Mamono in the past. It will take time. And then, when he finally makes the move for a "meeting of the minds," well, I'm certain you'll find you made the right choice.
As for myself, I have to be away from this for some time - my Husband is demanding my attentions, as it were. I'm afraid it may be a while before I can return; members of his family are quite…thorough in their affections, as I'm sure you'll find out soon enough~
Wurm not know why man gets aroused
Wurm does it anyway
Wurm make man happy, man make Wurm happy
Crayons are tasty this time of year
Anyone else read Geiger Counter? God I wish I could save that poor shota.
Can't say I have. Is it any good? Would you mind giving me a quick review? Would be nice to have something to read since I'm staying indoors all the time these days anyway until the child comes. Hubby is away for a few days, picking up a crib from my parents' place, so I get bored easily.
>ushi-oni polymorphs into a more human form
>tells a boy there's monsters about and she needs to check the house security
>high impact sexual violence
Hello? Are any friends here? No one seems to like me, am I not pretty? See pic, I'm the one on the left
Thanks to you my gas mask business is doing great.
Hello friend, thanks for the umbrella.
It's hard to reach people when you're stuck in the ground
Don't worry, I'm sure someday you'll find a fun guy.
Do you like going for long romantic walks on the beach?
After that documentary on zombie ants I'm not sure if I'd trust the seemingly benevolent mushroom-chan.