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/monster/ - The Last Bastion of Romance

Winner of the 70rd Attention-Hungry Games
/lounge/ - Comfy social place for avatars and tripcodes

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File: 1bf908c2eb9c8cc⋯.png (14.76 KB, 480x340, 24:17, MCorp_logo.png)

21d07a  No.343328

ITT: corporate communications for a /monster/ company

Previous thread: >>342555

Second Thread: http://archive.is/AISiW

First Thread: http://archive.is/dlsJy

21d07a  No.343330

Archive of previous thread: http://archive.is/HUqPq

2f5b64  No.343331



925124  No.343333

Placing this here for reference, lest Jade be smugly the winner of the first, second, third and runners-up prizes.

Maintenance Bulletin:

I would like to thank all of you who have been making use of the experimental repair drones. The test results have been outstanding. As such, before I issue the next set I would like to offer up a contest regarding the visual appearance. The ugly stick is no more!

The winner will receive:

>Eleven kilograms gold metal

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Second place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One key fitting the fourth floor breakroom door, you know the one

>Three cosmetic spells of their choice

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

Third place winner will receive the following:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One month's worth paperwork filed on their behalf

To any runner-up entrants incorporating the company slogan, the following prize will be awarded:

>One rock of their choice, freshly removed from the moon

>One cosmetic spell of their choice

Please note that infohazards, political marks, and any patterns designed specifically to elicit harm will be disregarded. Also note that the moon rocks will be selected by the winner, and thus round-trip transport is provided.

Anyone interested in entering the contest may do so by creating an image and/or description of their design, then placing their submissions within a box located just inside the Maintenance office. To qualify, submissions must be contained within a sealed envelope along with the entrant's name and department. The end date for submissions is one week from tomorrow. The winners will be determined the day after by means of popular vote, their names announced at the end of the day.

Best of luck, be creative, and remember: Mamono Consumer Products, Erecting the Future!

21d07a  No.343335


You're hardly one to talk, hearing Jonno tell it.


There was a rather interesting design rattling around on some of the forums I frequent some time ago, I may see about submitting something that improvises on it.

2f5b64  No.343336


Okay, so. I asked the Bishop, and he looked kind of puzzled, so he told me to meditate on the Word of the Lord until he returned... It was an enlightening and humbling experience as usual. When he came back, he was... giggling.

His Holiness, the Bishop of the First Temple of Holy Light, Pillar of the Faith, and Transultimate Apostle of The Most High Lord of Light, would ask you, "My Son, Didst thou think thou couldst wax eloquent 'pon the concept of engaging a choir of Holy Servants of The Lord in conjunction with thy mundane creation, and spur not the curiosity of the Heavens?"

So yeah. Apparently someone blabbed and now the Angels are curious. That's all.

As for the imp? His Holiness shrugged and said "Fuck knows, probably just trying to start shit."

Side note, anybody got any Alarune essence in their first aid kits? I think I may have gone a little overboard when conducting the rites of purification. My back is WRECKED.

925124  No.343337



Netzach was the one who contacted me!

>alraune essence

I've got three spare kits. Redundancy, after all. Help yourself.

Or either Zeke or I could hit you with some healing.

c64b4f  No.343338


Deserve or not, I'm what you've got.


I bet you've done things far more comfy with your guy.

2f5b64  No.343340


Aww Lord be merciful… Tandy! She's so flustered she's blown another hydraulic all over the office… No baby it's not your fault… no… sweetie as much as I appreciate you trying to help at the moment you… squirt when you move.

(Seriously though you're not wrong… why just last night she was [REDACTED] while we [REDACTED] and [REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED ORGO BAKA!]

21d07a  No.343341


And I'm beyond grateful to have you.


Mission accomplished. I apologize for the trouble, but I needed a good laugh and Telia's an easy target for flustering into making it happen. (Also, you play right into it Jonno)

2f5b64  No.343342


From the shit-eating grin he's wearing right now whenever he thinks Robutt's not looking, it's entirely deliberate.

No fuck YOU Jonno, you ate my damn Bento.

Also I just had a terrified-looking minor daemon stick its head through the Portal in the closet and hand me another note. I guess either Clarice has confiscated Gazza's phone or he's determined to do this 'Old School'.

Oh… That IS a good question. Shura, you advised threatening the Duke with pitched battle to get him to agree to the courtship… He's asking if he should be planning for any of them to survive? He's also attached a list of names and…

Oh… Oh Lord be merciful. Shura… How much of Hell do you think the Demon Sovereign will deign to be razed in the name of Love?

925124  No.343344



That recommendation set was half corrupted! Give me a second to get it properly set.

System, you had best not corrupt my next post.

12bb5a  No.343345

File: e79aa36fa10f073⋯.jpg (70.61 KB, 474x500, 237:250, science machine.jpg)

Okay, I don't know who's been in my lab space while I was on vacation, but I know I didn't leave my duplicator prototype on. It didn't even work when I left and now it's stuck in the "on" position. Also, who left all the mofus in my cabinets? They all look like that one mantcore that works here, but I know she only has one kid…

Guys, when was bring your daughter to work day?

21d07a  No.343346


Well, now we know where those mofucores came from.

925124  No.343347


Right. So. I'm rewriting the instructions in case the system does try to futz them up, in which case I will personally █████ it backwards with ████ ██. Instructions are as follows:

Get to the Duke. Make a list of terms, an offer they cannot refuse. They will refuse. Then, you bring out the big guns - you show the forces who stand at your back and at your side, those you care for and who care for you in turn. This is not a power play, but character display. The people who value you are the strongest sign of the person you are. No negotiable terms will ever be good enough to be a valid measure for a loved one's hand - instead, you have to be the terms themselves. Show your value not by words, not through violence, but by being one who others consider worth their life.

2f5b64  No.343348


…And why Mrs. Fallwalker got that huge hush-hush payout last week.

627aa4  No.343349



How much do you want to bet that the one the Mad Slav is raising is the original one?

12bb5a  No.343351




Wait, there were more of them? They must've gotten into the ventilation system then. Could one of you send a fairy up here to look around?

Also, what are we supposed to do with the mofucores we find?

925124  No.343353


You sit put and let my drones get them. It's one of their main purposes.

925124  No.343359


And if my name's not on the list then add it. That moron's more than proved to me he's worth fighting for.

bd3362  No.343360

A notification to whoever the greeter is: if you see a demon demanding to speak with I, Dr. Bile, tell her I'm not here. After that give me a call so I can teleport away for a bit.

Oh, and this might be repeated a few times. Just a warning.

c64b4f  No.343361


Reception, feel free to ignore this as this person is no longer on this company's payroll due to recent events.

bd3362  No.343364



Wait, I was getting paid?

21d07a  No.343365



Just to make sure we don't blab to the right demon, do you know who they'll most likely be or be working for? I'd hate to see the wrong demon getting the message.

c64b4f  No.343368



He's also a wanted fugitive from interplanar law, a future child abuser if he carries out his current plan, and an idiot.

Honestly B, that magitech clone of yours may be a version of you, but do you think he's going to thank you for the actual literal torture you will have to put him through to turn his potential power into actual power? Do you think he'll hesitate to enact vengeance upon you? Would you, if you had that done to you? (Also, yes, one of your now known aliases was on R&D's payroll, but the account that it was being direct deposited into has been frozen by the interplanar cops.)

bd3362  No.343369


Just don't say anything to any demon. I summoned a bunch. Don't screw me over, please. I have fail-safes, but they're expensive and I'd rather avoid using them.

21d07a  No.343370


I've got a couple old microdrones. Verdammt things are nearly impossible to spot from a distance, and have excellent tracking algorithms. Just something to consider.


Got it, now I know what you don't want said.

Seriously Bile, either you're not as intelligent as you think you are, or I've picked up more from the cheshire I used to live next to than I previously thought.

e5ad9a  No.343372


So tell all of them exactly where your lab is along with accidentally knocking the purity seals keeping the nasty shit from using the closet off? Gotcha.

Also brother Haroldsen would like to inform you that yes, "impalement, crucifixion, and immolation" are all still appropriate punishments for that flavour of heresy.

You should feel proud. We actually have the chance to work out a codified treaty with at least three of the Hells thanks to your monstrosity and the assorted and varied factions who want to see you die screaming over it.

bd3362  No.343374


>Honestly B, that magitech clone of yours may be a version of you, but do you think he's going to thank you for the actual literal torture you will have to put him through to turn his potential power into actual power?

Well, he is me after all. All my memories, emotions, aspects, and all that. We've already talked about it. And just so you know, he's fully matured at this point and qualifies as a legal adult. Child abuse? No. Self harm? Yes. Everything he feels I will feel. I'm not looking forward to it but I do what must be done.

Also I left three boxes of apology doughnuts in the main rec room as my way of saying sorry. Enjoy.

21d07a  No.343375


You appear to have failed to consider the impact that such torture can have on a person. Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality, you may get your comeuppance far sooner than you believe.

627aa4  No.343376

File: ab742c76d787a3a⋯.jpg (228.66 KB, 600x338, 300:169, 7f2a1cb4e51dbe4812.jpg)


Bile, is there anyone you haven't pissed off?

Also, since this is Bile we are talking about, I have already asked one of Shura's drones to dispose of the doughnuts–with extreme prejudice. Let's just call it "proactive crisis management."

925124  No.343377


Request received, disposal in progress.

e5ad9a  No.343378


>Legal adult.

…that started as a simulated zygote you spawned in bad faith with arguably stolen genetic material which was then brought to term. There is no statute of limitations on the 6th Day Laws. And that's just prima facie.

A first-year would wipe the floor with this case if it was ever brought to trial. You've humped the bunk, Bile. There's just no two ways about it.

c64b4f  No.343379


>Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality

Pretty sure the bastard already confessed to that.


>Well, he is me after all. All my memories, emotions, aspects, and all that.

21d07a  No.343380


Question is, before or after?

bd3362  No.343381


>Unless you're somehow going to overwrite the clone with your own personality, you may get your comeuppance far sooner than you believe.

He already has my personality. He fully knows what's going to happen and that the experience will be mutual.


>Bile, is there anyone you haven't pissed off?

Probably. I know for a fact that some group is going to try and get the process of doing it.

>I have already asked one of Shura's drones to dispose of the doughnuts–with extreme prejudice.

You know they were just regular doughnuts right? I'm in deep shit already so why would I do anything else. Besides, mass poisoning isn't my thing. I like to think I'm lawful good or there abouts.


>Pretty sure the bastard already confessed to that.

He has my personality because he has well over half of my soul said process is extremely painful on my part. Souls are basically magical SIM cards in a way.

925124  No.343382


> Souls are basically magical SIM cards in a way.

Souls. Do not. Work that way.

21d07a  No.343384


You know, there are some things I never did understand about how someone could be so blindly convinced that they were in the right about something. I still don't understand how der hölle you think you're anything other than a twisted maniac, but I do now understand how a person can be utterly sure of something needing to be…. removed.

c64b4f  No.343385


And you either had to remove what was already there or stunt it's growth to keep it from overpowering or blending with what you put in, so you either gutted a kid's soul or treated it like a fucking bonsai. This is even worse than a personality overwrite.

d08790  No.343386


Foiled my scheme.

>someone Bile hasn't pissed off

Me, surprisingly. Aside from the thing with the corrupt contracts, that is. His work's always filed properly, no coghaz surprises, no leaving things lying around for twenty years uncollected, so on and so forth. Can't say I like the guy, but then again I don't like anyone.

Also, security, I just had a group of fairies try to mail themselves in. Box is zip-tied shut in an open space, could someone send a drone or something to pick them up?

925124  No.343387


Request received. Where do you want them delivered?

627aa4  No.343388

File: 0064f1c6334c5a8⋯.png (98.62 KB, 467x332, 467:332, wily.png)


>You know they were just regular doughnuts right?

I'm not taking any chances with you.

d08790  No.343389


No idea. What does security usually do with trespassers? Last one I know of was that baphomet that snuck into R&D and got led into the basement or something.

For the record, please don't throw the fairies into the basement. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

925124  No.343390


I'm going to go with my gut and have drones deliver the box to the Security department lockup. Hope they know what to do with it.

c64b4f  No.343391


> I'm in deep shit already so why would I do anything else.

My boy, you don't seem to understand your position. You're not just in deep shit. You're in the deepest shit a mortal can possibly be in. You've maxed it out. You've buried the needle. When you get dug out of this site like the tick you are, death will only be the beginning of your sentence. After that, the hells will be fighting over you to see who gets to flay your soul for eternity.

d08790  No.343394


Works for me, much appreciated. Regarding our video game chat last night, I brought in my old Playstation if you're still curious. You also convinced me to annoy every dwarf ever to exist by picking up Dwarf Fortress again, good job.


>deep deep shit

You know, I feel like I missed something really important.

925124  No.343397



And this would be what again?

>really important

Enough that he's got a potential Kill Order authorized. Five days remain.

bd3362  No.343398


You're blowing this out of proportion. I made a magical clone. If I recall it was banned because the process always ended with the thing going nuclear mid gestation. Mine didn't. I'm genuinely concerned with the attention I'm getting. Either they all have nothing else better to do or I did something by accident. Both are real possibilities.

Anyways I'm not offended that none of you want to eat my apology doughnuts. I understand the reasoning.

925124  No.343399


>magical clone

SOULS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. You get ONE. Only one. If it gets damaged, if it gets removed and replaced, if it gets pieces taken off of it, it's the only one you have. You can't copy it. You can't divide it and have the same person twice.

21d07a  No.343401


Also the ethics violations, and the lack of consent given by those who were used for genetic material, and Torvalds alone knows what else.


Video game console. Specialized computer for playing video games.

d08790  No.343402


Special piece of hardware intended for playing video games. Comes with its own memory storage format and controllers. Nowadays the game market's mostly migrated to PC but the old consoles have their charm.

>kill order

…so I should stop fulfilling his orders?

21d07a  No.343403


Might be a good idea. Just maybe.

c64b4f  No.343404


He collected DNA samples from magic users, and without the consent of these people used them along with his own DNA to create a clone with potential for great magical power, did something to EMPTY THIS CLONE OF ITS SOUL so he could chop of a chunk of his own and shove it in, and make it into a copy of himself with magic potential. To activate this potential, he will basically have to rip the soul out of the clone, subject it to the equivalent of horrible torture, and shove it back in.

925124  No.343405



>video games

And does this sort of thing have any sort of requirements for function?

>…so I should stop fulfilling his orders?

Given he's not on staff, yes. The KO is still pending, though. Bureauracracy at its best, no sarcasm at all.

d08790  No.343407



>horrible shit that has been going on without me noticing

I really need to pay more attention to inter-office chat.


Plug it into main power, hook it up to a TV, throw a game disk in. Not much in the way of setup.

bd3362  No.343408


>He collected DNA samples from magic users, and without the consent of these people

They all signed a waver and consented to the DNA sampling. Did it say I'd make an abomination? No. But then again no contract states exactly what it's going to accomplish.

925124  No.343409




Going to need to get those as well, then.

c64b4f  No.343411


Of course, as Shura points out, he hasn't really copied himself. It would be like cutting yourself down the middle and saying you've made two people.


You don't know the half of it. You must have heard the former CEO is in the shit and is no longer with the company. This is why. CEO authorized and facilitated these crimes.


>no contract states exactly what it's going to accomplish

That is the fucking point of a contract, you absolute psychopath.

627aa4  No.343412


>I really need to pay more attention to inter-office chat.

It's all in the logs, if you want the sordid details.


I'm just glad my DNA didn't wind up in that thing. And we both know that, because if the sub-basement incident wasn't enough to encourage me to practice the heck out of my barriers, the thought of you or a little drone of yours with a needle and a secretive agenda sure was.

21d07a  No.343413


I can bring a portable generator and an old TV tomorrow. They're not the best quality, but the generator is a steamer so it only needs heat and water, and the TV is an older flatscreen model that seems to be almost supernaturally durable. I've since gotten nicer replacements for both, and cables enough to spare.

d08790  No.343414


>needing a TV

I was just going to suggest setting it up in the break room or something. It's gonna look like garbage on a modern TV but there isn't much we can do about that. CRT TVs are hard to find.


That explains a lot, actually…

21d07a  No.343415


Tee, what're your thoughts on bring the CRT from our place up to one of the break rooms? All I've got are emulators, but I don't recall how much of your stuff we've yet to unpack.

925124  No.343417


Thanks. Any suggestions on the sort of arrangement for best use? If I'm going to mine out another room I'd like to know the appropriate dimensions.

21d07a  No.343419


Probably going to want enough space for 2 to 2.5 meters of distance between the furniture you sit on and the furniture the TV is on, and a smaller chamber off to the side that you can stick the generator in to cut down on the noise. I've got a spare 10 meter extension cord you can use to connect the TV and Console to the generator, or you can get a longer one for cheap.

c64b4f  No.343420


Sure, I'll bring it over now, along with some of my old systems. Man, being in two places at once is the shit. I'm currently in a spare body from R&D packing the stuff into my car, while here I'm preparing to print out labels to go on said stuff to mark it as mine.

627aa4  No.343421


If you are planning on setting up a subspace area for this, mind if I tag along and watch and/or help? I could use the experience.

(By the way, is it safe to assume that, by the nature of these things, a successfully completed connection to a subspace can remain stable indefinitely once established, if left undisturbed? When I feel ready enough, I'm still gonna set up a basic one around my desk and let it sit there for a while before I even think about trying to make one for Mog.)

d08790  No.343422




Inter-office game night confirmed.

21d07a  No.343423


If we're having an inter-office game night, I'm bringing out the projector and my multi-emulator PC build.

925124  No.343425



Many thanks, again. If possible, I'd like to see how this sort of thing works on the stuff you bring to the breakroom, first. Not sure I'd even be able to get into it enough considering time constraints with family and all.


>being in two places at once is the shit

Why do you think I keep making drones?


If I actually do go about making a fancy room for my own setup, I'd be doing it manually. It's good exercise, carving a mountain.

That said, I'm up for subplane access practice. And subplanes are varying degrees of stable. Finding one that's bedrock-reliable is easy; finding one like that in the form you want is difficult.



May the best player win. Which will likely be one of you.

c64b4f  No.343426

And now just for the hell of it I'm drafting some quick plans for a MAME cabinet, I'll put some MDF on the CNC router, boom, I'll have this thing up in no time.

21d07a  No.343429


I think I may have some of the working parts for an old one lying around in the attic.

d08790  No.343430


>arcade cabinet

Ammit above, I have unleashed something wonderful into the world. My jaded heart is slightly less jaded now.

627aa4  No.343431

File: e2a85cb5d8e4232⋯.png (141.57 KB, 600x615, 40:41, thumbs_up.png)




If there are any requests not covered by Kurt and Tandy, I could fly back home and bring some of my stuff.

c64b4f  No.343432


Just warning you, I'm going to be involved in this for a while, I need to print buttons and joysticks, maybe some trackballs for games like Centipede… Well, if you really need me you know where to find me.

925124  No.343433


That's actually good for me, I need to check on the kids. Be back in a few.

21d07a  No.343434


I'll swing by the house and dig out the MAME I never finished building, bring it to you.

d08790  No.343435


>back in a few

Agh, right when he leaves I need him. The fairies escaped their box and decided to come back for vengeance. I trapped one in a jar and the rest ran for the ventilation. Anyone in building A, be advised you might get some tiny visitors until Security pulls their collective heads out of their asses.

925124  No.343436

System Message: Transcript of telephone message. Intended recipients: none specified, defaulting to all. Employee contact information detected, attached as per standard.

"Jade, did you forget I have drones? I'm always there."

"Drones dispatched, will apprehend Fae."

21d07a  No.343437


I'll bring back some quadcopters I set up to enforce a no-fly zone around my collegiate RC Flight club's shows. Be back on-premises in an hour at the most.

d08790  No.343438


>always there

Oh yeah, that's a thing. Like I said, I got one in a jar, Zelda style. Little bastards ran off with a couple boxes when they scattered, too - nothing too important, going by the law of large numbers they probably grabbed a bunch of dildos - so keep an eye out for those if you can.

I'll have to see if my new little friend is willing to divulge the origin of their package. I'll have to call my buddies from my retail days and make my ``displeasure`` known.

d08790  No.343439


…and again, the formatting is broke. This should work, or else something is very wrong with the servers…

925124  No.343440

System Message: Transcript of telephone message. Intended recipients: none specified, defaulting to all. Employee contact information detected, attached as per standard.

"Right, got it. Setting drones to sweep per information provided. Assigning five to ensure captured Fae does not escape, and twenty to monitor lockdown zone."

"Also, Kurt? Still need to pick your brain regarding the Gen 2 comms systems. Not urgent, not sending them out till next week, but will be needed eventually."

d08790  No.343441


Sweet. Been talking with my new friend; apparently she and her band of fae mail themselves to different places and mess with the inhabitants. Called one of my old retail contacts, used to run Asset Protection back in the day, she says she'll get the local PD on the return address and figure out how they managed to fool the postal service so we can avoid a repeat of this bullshit.

e5ad9a  No.343442


Heh, no longer with the company… The Preceptor tells me 'hung, drawn and quartered' is quite possibly the most family friendly description of what happened once the 'external shareholders' got ahold of the old CEO.



Baby, you have to play analogue though. Direct processor networking is cheating

Message from marketing systems: Awwwwww!

925124  No.343443

GLORY TO THE HOSTS ON HIGH! Many praises to whatever forces conspired in bringing my family together, blessed by their names forevermore!

By the Ninth Spire, I just can't get over how wonderful those three little darlings are. Even if their Concepts aren't fully formed, they're still utterly cuddly little implements of war and a true joy to behold. I'll have to get pictures taken once they have the chance to show more than the metal.

I have returned! And look, I bring yet more gifts! Spoils of war, spoils of peace. Spoils from the times of great drinking, before the drying of the tongue. And pizza, that most wondrous of pies! Drink up, my friends, and feast! For the day is good, none can deny!

d08790  No.343445


>shareholder revenge

…so I'm definitely going to void whatever orders Bile has left in the system, if any…


Ammit above the cheerfulness burns. Won't turn down the pizza though. Something to taunt the would-be thief with.

Speaking of, how goes the Wild Hunt? Hopefully they haven't escaped to the open air yet.

925124  No.343446


My good friend, not even your dourness can dim the joy in my heart! But by all means, partake of the pies, they are many and varied.

As for the intruders, ventilation systems are being searched systematically, exits guarded. Three have yet to be detained, but they shall not escape for long.

21d07a  No.343447

<Note: the following message has been transcribed from vocal input by OpenScribe v3.0.2 Open Source Dictation software, transcription errors possible>

Headed back, partially assembled mane cabinet loaded up. Lan gear, multi-emulator PC, and projector too.


I'll need more info on the design to make the best recommendations possible. Might want to take a look at the drones I'm bringing to help with the fate cleanup for some ideas.



I'll be releasing some swarm-theory based micro-drones to help with that when I arrive.

d08790  No.343448



Oh you sweet summer child, this is me when I'm happy. When I get slightly miffed - which is as far as I've gone in this company, thank Ammit - people get dildos nailed to their desks or other mild inconveniences. You've yet to see me truly dour.

Speaking of, congratulations again on the Arsenal. I might have missed the message, what'd you guys decide on for names?


>swarm theory

Release the hounds, eh? I like it.

21d07a  No.343449


Quads away, apologies to anyone sensitive to ultrasonic or infrasonic vibrations.

Tee, I'm bringing the partial MAME from the house to you. After dropping that off, I'll be bringing the Gaming Con setup to the break room. Self-contained LAN for PC games, multi-emulator setup, projector and 136" screen, and a few thin clients for those without a PC for the LAN.

d08790  No.343450



So uh, I went and looked at the logs, just out of curiosity.

I reached my holy-fucking-shit saturation point ten posts in, and the clusterfuck just keeps going. I really, really, really need to keep up with what's going on in this company.

925124  No.343451


I'll have the design documents for the first two generations available for your perusal. And I would most certainly appreciate the chance to compare and contrast existing plans.


Then I suppose it best I never rouse your ire, yes?

As for names, those both are and are not for us to choose. We may give our daughters names, but they have names from the moment they're birthed that they themselves have chosen. We have decided upon Atsali, Victoria and Tutela for the given names.

Once their Concepts are composed they will be able to express their own chosen names. They are…private. Only for loved ones. I'll be surprised if I ever learn them.

2f5b64  No.343452


>Only for loved ones.

>I'll be surprised if I ever learn them.

…Really? I'm gonna tell you something the bishop told me in the early days.

Mother may be the name of God on the lips and hearts of all children. But Father is the first and greatest Hero they shall ever know.

925124  No.343454


…I should clarify that I mean loved ones in the sense of husband and wife, not parent and child. If any of the three starts looking at me that way I will be worried.

2f5b64  No.343455


Oh. Ah. Ew. Nevermind then.

21d07a  No.343456


I count three fae bagged by my drones. Where'd you stash the rest?

925124  No.343457


Indeed. That being said I am well aware of the idea of a father's value, and intend to do everything I can to prove myself worthy. Whatever else I may be, I intend to do right by my family.


Security lockdown, held by twenty dedicated. Sending ten additional for support.

21d07a  No.343458


Delivery en-route. Be advised, the fae don't take well to the infrasonics my pets use for comms and navigation. Seems to give them motion sickness.

d08790  No.343459



I was in the middle of a grand speech about you being a swell guy when you clarified that point there. Way to take the wind out of my sails.

>rousing my ire

I'll have to tell you the story about the time a group of asshole paladins - not the cool Lord of Light guys, actual literal terrorists - picketed my store and threatened my employees. Once the statute of limitations runs out, that is.



>fairies everywhere

Pretty sure there were only six or seven, not counting the one I've got. Speaking of, friend called me back, I'll get with all my delivery company contacts and inform them to check for fae magic on things that aren't explicitly marked as being fae. Apparently they got past the postal service with a simple cantrip.

925124  No.343460


>motion sickness

Yeah, I see it. Thankfully I've been working out some routines for the drones, rather than needing to supervise this cleanup.


>wind out of sails

Just one of my many services.

>terrorist story

By all means, I'll listen.

>six or seven

Seven found in total, including Kurt's three. Locked down with individual drone TK, and a sealable room.

21d07a  No.343461


>once the statute of limitations runs out

I look forward to that.

21d07a  No.343462


Funny thing is, seems that even with the emitters inactive, the props give off infrasonics that do the same thing. I'll have to look into that later.

d08790  No.343463


>Fae caught

Excellent. I'll work out a deal with the the ringleader here for their release. New contacts are never bad.


>terrorist story

A short excerpt for you - A whole lot of harpies bought a whole lot of can openers. Our entire stock of birdseed was involved. I have to plead the Fifth on anything more. I might actually have a warrant out in that county, now that I think about it. Might have to get one of our resident AIs to check…

925124  No.343464



Mention a Dullahan named Caitlyn. The reaction should tell you which Court you're dealing with.


And now I definitely want to hear. But that can wait.

d08790  No.343465



Sudden, abject terror. Not up on my fae politics, should I be happy or concerned?


You'll be waiting 7 years - Statue of limitations is 10 for this, it was 3 years ago. Even if I don't have a warrant I'm not poking this one with a stick, it'd be 25 to life. In my defense, if you had heard what these bastards had planned for my employees you'd have done the same thing or worse.

Moral of the story, please don't make me mad. I like this city, I don't want to have to move again.

21d07a  No.343466


Now that we've contained our little intrusion, a brief explanation of the way these little features coordinate is in order.

There's two classes of drone in the swarm: noble and worker.

Noble drones are larger, with more significant processing power, sensors, and communication range.

Workers are small, dumb, and strong.

Noble drones provide centralized communication over long range using radio waves or laser comms, transport small quantities of workers, and contain repair and refitting systems.

Meanwhile, worker drones do the heavy lifting, coordinating through modulation of their ultra- and infrasonic sensors, which also allows them to receive directions from nobles or the monarch unit. The workers are incredibly simple in programming, but in numbers produce more advanced responses through their interactions and the sharing of information such as "obstacle here" or "objective sighted".

All of the above is coordinated through the "Monarch unit," which is responsible for providing all available data in a single display, as well as coordinating the actions of any nobles or workers directly under the control of the monarch.

Yes, they're modelled after insect hives. It's actually very efficient. Yes, "features" was intentional. It's a joke that the R&D crowd and other IT folks will probably get.

925124  No.343467



Two Courts, the Seelie and Unseelie. Summer and Winter, respectively.


Lovely. We've got Summer in our midst. I suppose I should have guessed from the pranks - Summer tends to go for "humor," Winter for straightforwardness. Always did prefer Winter's relative calm.

I'll have a few drones escort her to the lockdown, then get Cait on the line. She'll be happy to have something to hold over her counterpart.


I'm liking the detail here - much better than the utterly basic hive idea I'd been working from. Only had workers before. Definitely going to integrate the "nobles" into the Gen 2 models, although I'm already basically acting as the "monarch unit."

d08790  No.343468


>summer fae, "humor"

Oh screw that, take her out of my sight this very instant. I've dealt with fae "humor" and I refuse to do so again. If you're cool with handling this situation I'll happily wash my hands of it.

21d07a  No.343469


Yeah, the monarch is the user interface in this design. Technically I could skip the monarch processor if I wanted, but modulating a whistle to emulate the sonic interface is hard (especially since I'm out of practice) and I don't have innate EM comms.

925124  No.343470


I could almost see the smugness in Cait's response. She'll be here momentarily to deal with the interlopers.


>skip the monarch processor

I wasn't kidding about them being directly connected to my brain. Magic lets you do all kinds of crazy things.

d08790  No.343471


Thank you. Sent a giftwrapped dildo to the return address as a little gift for wasting our time. Thanks for your assistance with that situation, guys.

21d07a  No.343472


Speaking of crazy things….

Tee, I'm posting up in that subplane Shura gave us and taking a nap. Access point's in my office.

925124  No.343473


No problem, always happy to help a friend.

Sadly, I must depart - Nubia's been prancing about the back of my mind, demanding attention. I'm fairly certain she intends to prove just how much a bunch of prudes you all are compared to her; don't be surprised if I don't return for quite some time.

The dreamlink devices and chargepacks will be found in my office, when you're ready to take custody. Pleasant dreams.

2e287b  No.343482

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.


The company does not permit pets at work with the exception of service animals in some cases. A couple engaged in petplay does not constitute a service animal, even if the "pet" is a veteran.

And a personal note, whomever is playing Suicide is painless over the intercom on repeat, please turn it off. Being a cubical goon is hell enough with being reminded of our mortality.

925124  No.343496

I thought I was prepared.

I was not.


Jonno, Kurt? Be glad your lovers are patient and willing to hold back.

627aa4  No.343503


When we start mass producing the dreamlink devices for the consumer market, we will need a way to mass produce the charge packs as well. This is just me spitballing here, and you are probably way ahead of me, but what about golems? You know, like the ones that show up around here every now and then in the "spirit energy donation drive" buses.

Normally, the collected spirit energy goes into making dietary supplements for single mamonos, particularly those who are required to consume most or all of their spirit energy in its raw form.

Well, what if we created modified golems, either imbued with a modicum of magical aptitude or inscribed with a specially designed runic array to enable them to produce and channel Vis? We let the golems collect spirit energy from willing and appropriately compensated donors, then convert it to Vis and transfer it into charge packs.

If this idea sounds stupid or wrong, or if you already have something better in the works, let me know, and this will be the end of it. I know we could hire mages to do this, but golems would be much cheaper and more readily available. This method also allows us to leverage even the spirit energy of people without magical aptitude or training as a potential power source.

c64b4f  No.343506


Sounds like a plan to me. Send me the specs you need, I'll get a prototype sculpted.

21d07a  No.343516


>dream-link units are ready

Tee, remember our discussion on the topic of the dream-link units and my past? I'm gonna take some time today to prep myself to face that drachen. Once I'm done with that, if you're still up for it, we can go in when you're ready.


Every verdammt day.

21d07a  No.343519

Some folks in the meta thread are taking issue with these threads. Might be wise to consider moving elsewhere if we want to continue.

925124  No.343520


Probably wise, this thing's seriously gone off the rails from what it was originally.

21d07a  No.343521


Any suggestions? I'd set something up myself, but I'm not sure what platform to move to and I don't want to be administering it.

68cdd9  No.343524


Ah leave it be. It is starting to get a bit ridiculous. We're RPing a company after hours lan for fucks sake. Someone feel free to steal it for writefaggotry, I'd read it.

627aa4  No.343553

If this is rustling people's jimmies, I can walk away from it right now. I do agree that we shouldn't allow this to crap up the rest of /monster/, but I honestly didn't expect the threads to be as active as they have been. Nor did I imagine that such an innocuous thread topic would unleash such an awful and glorious resonance cascade of autism. It's almost like something between a collaborative green text and a CYOA. It's been fun just enjoying the ride and seeing where it goes.

08470d  No.343571

Fuck it, is one complaint stopping this train?

There's been a pall of gloom and doom in the office today thanks to recent events, but I think we should take stock of the situation. We have been slammed in the media by a few sensationalist pundits, and our stock has dropped, but we're still here. Rumors of a shutdown are no more than rumors, so let's not make them a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we all put in our best effort, we will continue Erecting the Future.

925124  No.343576

Maintenance Bulletin:

The Maintenance department would like to remind all employees that maintenance equipment is only for use by the Maintenance department and those whose requests have been approved.

Whichever of you decided it would be a fun idea to grab the floorpolisher and turn the halls into a slip-n-slide should come forward and name themselves immediately, lest I go about finding out my own way and applying appropriate retribution. That means you, Franceska. Just because your Cheshire nature lets you teleport doesn't mean I can't detect you.


And THIS is why I don't bother with television. Far too much of a negative focus, not enough love.

21d07a  No.343578


Tee, if you're still up for seeing those memories…

08470d  No.343579


I'm ready.

21d07a  No.343580


Alright then. This could take a while to process after we come out of it.

21d07a  No.343594


Shura, the dream-link units are sound. No technical issues.

Tee, how are you doing? Those memories were unpleasant for me, and I lived them the first time around, so I can hardly blame you for finding them the same.

925124  No.343595

Maintenance Bulletins:

Firstly, I am hereby requesting the Cheshires Francesca and Franceska kindly cease and desist attempting to abscond with Maintenance equipment. This is your final warning.

Second, it is hereby teatime. All non-emergency maintenance-department requests should be either delayed or reported to drones.


>no technical issues

Excellent. Raw powerflow data has been collected as well…should make chargepack use more efficient. Thanks for the feedback.

08470d  No.343598


The real question is how are you doing. They're your memories.

21d07a  No.343600


Better than I expected by far. I think you can be credited for a lot of that.

08470d  No.343602


See, you can do anything with your swiss-army girlfriend by your side.

21d07a  No.343604


I think we all know the answer to this, but I never did properly ask. Care to make that "swiss-army wife"?

08470d  No.343605


You, sir, are a cheater, eavesdropping on my brain just thinking if you asked I could be ready for that. The answer is yes.

21d07a  No.343607


I tried to come up with something witty to say, but you've got me dead to rights there. Dummkoff that I am sometimes, I might well have never remembered to ask given how good it's been so far.

627aa4  No.343609



The more I think about it, the less I think golems would be a good idea, but I may have been on to something with the runic arrays for producing and transmitting Vis. Perhaps we could inscribe them on magitek devices designed to absorb and store ambient mana from the environment. If we can make something simple, reliable, and easy for anyone to use, we might have something. Shura and Zuzi can kick that idea around if they want.

I'll be taking a few of my vacation days now, so good luck with everything.

925124  No.343610

Ahh, tea. The most wondrous drink that isn't booze or coffee. I hate it, but I love it. Now, what did I miss…

…Why did Zuzi just access one of my drones, affect a grin that would make a Hellhound envious, and start laughing like mad?


Sounds interesting, I'll see what I can come up with. Have fun on the vacation!

08470d  No.343617


Trust me Shu, you want to maintain plausible deniability on this one.

68cdd9  No.343619



Dammit, trust me to agonize over the speech and end up getting beaten to the punch…

…IT, I am so, so sorry for what I'm about to do to you.

21d07a  No.343621


How worried do the rest of us need to be?

21d07a  No.343622


Whatever you're doing, give me 5 minutes to force an emergency backup.

68cdd9  No.343623

Attention System administrators. The following servers have suffered critical memory exceptions and will be shut down.






A Fire Alarm is currently active for Floor: 12

Please stand by and obey all fire warden instructions.

System Error Output: <3<3<3YESYESYESYESYES<3<3<3

08470d  No.343625


If you're not in earshot of "Ride of the Valkyries", zero worry. If you are, minimal worry.

21d07a  No.343626


a) Congratulations mate! (Am I doing that right?)

b) Verdammt Jonno, why der hölle didn't you get Telia to disconnect from those servers first?

925124  No.343627

Alright, seriously, the flying leap's going on? My system just crashed, twice, there's false fire alarms on Twelve, fully half my drones got burned out in a massive flare of Conceptual Love and I'm being told I need to use a legal defense my contract specifically prohibits. What gives?

21d07a  No.343628


Jonno just proposed to Telia, and I've no idea what Zuzi's up to.

925124  No.343629


Really? Great! Certainly explains the flare and the crashes.

@Jonno: Congratulations! It's about bloody time.

21d07a  No.343630


Also, your question in >>342770 got a lot closer to an answer.

c64b4f  No.343631


VICTORY IS MINE! Let it be known, on this day certain guilty parties received remote wedgies.

925124  No.343632


Zuzi's got a project to bill me for, then? Finally, I was wonderi-

No. The way your soul is shining…you didn't. You did?

Kurt, that's fantastic!

21d07a  No.343633


Had to be the smoothest I've ever been too.


Zuzi, wast zur hölle did you do?

68cdd9  No.343634


>Legal Defense

>Prohibited by Contract

Oh Sweet Ammit… How DID it take someone so long to get you ensnared? Never forget the unspoken rule of Law.

Whatever works, baby.

You know what? Screw it. Since I'm not invited, I'm not going to the effort, and that stupid overmuscled Australian can eat my ass if he's got a problem with it.

Be it Herein knowne, blah blah blah… Do sincerely seek the attendance… blah blah blah… Afore the very Gaytes of the Helles… so on and so forth… Beseech these in person to stand by me.

Mad Slav

Shura (And his weaponfus if they feel up to it)

Kurt and Robo-Alp

Jonno and Robutt

Benny and his good right hand (or a +1)

Zeke and Guest

Jade and Guest

Sammy D and Chefpocalypse


The Zug-Zug sisters from Receivables

Brothers Helmut, Haroldsen, Richards, Nielsen, Kusanagi and Weird-boy

Preceptor Davidson

Trish and Solarius

James Worthington, Esq… Oh… OH! Oh that beautiful man. Disregard this post, I'll send them all out properly. Vellum! Vellum and Kraken ink!

925124  No.343635



So, rough as gravel? I kid, I kid, I bet it was just perfect. Honestly. Love has a way of getting that right.


It took this long because I'm too lazy to do anything worth getting the Law after me. Or something. You tell me, I'm no legal expert. I file papers, I don't write them.

>"Gaytes of the Helles"


Hang on a moment, gonna go pick up the family. Nights of the Deep Winter, I love teleportation.

c64b4f  No.343637


I did what had to be done.


Consider me RSVP'd.

627aa4  No.343638


Give me a date and time, and l'll cut the vacation short if I need to.

Now I'm gonna log out of the servers and go back to resisting the urge to check my phone during off hours. Old IT habits die hard. But in my defense, a certain couple have had my work alerts going crazy for the past little while. (Congrats, you two!)

21d07a  No.343639


Consider Tandy and I RSVP'd as well.

925124  No.343641


Right, I'm back - and you better believe we're all RSVP'd. This day just keeps getting better and better!

d08790  No.343645


I'm not exactly sure what I've RSVP'd for, but I'm in.

f1b9ff  No.343656


Isn't that an experimental pet?

2f5b64  No.343659


Knowing Gazza, it's either a wedding or a pitched battle. I like to hope the florid invitations (Seriously James, could you MAKE the Calligraphy any more self-indulgent?) indicate the former though

925124  No.343660

Zuzi, I've been working on the ideas Zeke put forward regarding the power pack charging.

His idea on drawing ambient "mana" seems to be valid, but needs to go a step further. Ambient magical energies tend to be somewhat inefficient…well, more like utterly inefficient unless parsed through a soul. Afterwards, however, the potential is absurd, and always emits in excess even when properly utilized - especially between members of a loving relationship. Magic, Love, etc., I've harped on the matter enough. Point is, those absorption arrays could easily be tuned towards catching this overflow, directing it toward chargepacks, even from non-casters.

People in the early stages of a relationship could charge batteries passively, while those at their most attuned to one another might be able to keep the device running through collection without needing chargepacks whatsoever. Obviously this leaves a limiter on those using the devices solo, such as if we ever get authorization for setting them up in medical configurations.

Naturally, this needs a significant amount of testing, but what doesn't?


If it's not the wedding, I'll eat five hats.

2f5b64  No.343661


(Incidentally for those who need transportation, Clarice has informed me the closet rift here in assets has been stabilized from her end. Lovely girl. Utterly infatuated with that great lunk…

…Excuse me, I think the Mofucore's cutting onions somewhere in here.)

f1b9ff  No.343665

So ummm…..I'm new here, after the graduation from Harvard, and I was wondering what do we do here……also I'm a man and what do I watch out for?

2f5b64  No.343675


>So ummm…..I'm new here, after the graduation from Harvard


You're probably the new guy they got in to do the firmware and patching updates to the My Cuddle Boyfriend™ line. Apparently there were some complaints the 'Struggle' function wasn't up to snuff. Have fun with making an endless succession of blank-eyed fuckbots blanch in simulated fear.

>I was wondering what do we do here…

Mamono Consumer Products. Y'know, Lamia conversions for Motor Vehicles, mobility tanks for Mermaids, bleeding-edge 'Quality of Life' products for MonsterGirls of all species. Blah blah blah, erecting the future and all that.

>also I'm a man and what do I watch out for?

Your One-on-ones will be scheduled a fortnight in advance and will usually have a Human Advocacy representative present. Never go in for 'a quick chat' with a monster who's not your direct report. Got all KINDS of sneaky bitches faking their way in to get a little proactive dating done.

c64b4f  No.343710



On the other hand, if you find yourself attracted to a nice Anubis or AI down there in programming, most mamono will back off if you're already in a relationship.

c64b4f  No.343751

Alright Shu, I've gotten the go-ahead since the market application for the tech is limited, so here's the project you're possibly going to help fund and also probably be critical to implementing. But first, a question. Considering the success of Tandy's conversion, do you think your academy could use it to help the small portion of burned-out students that have enough affinity for Automaton mana to successfully do the same? Screening for the affinity would be easy enough, and the pod could easily be operated by a single Automaton to both supply the mana and operate the equipment. Even if we can only provide the option to a fraction of a percent, a life saved is a life saved.

925124  No.343753


Zuzi, do you have any idea how desperate they are for options like this? You bloody well better believe they'll make use of it. Dawn's Fire, I'd foot this bill even if I hadn't made that bet.

21d07a  No.343754



I'm willing to bet that it could work with other kinds of mamono too for those who lack the affinity to become Automata.

c64b4f  No.343755


As long as you've got a donor for the mana, it should work fine. Though if they're becoming something like a centaur or lamia, probably going to need a bigger isolation pod.

925124  No.343761



…Zuzi, if this all pans out, your next three projects after this are paid for. I'm about willing to believe there's a higher power at work bringing these problems and solutions together.

c64b4f  No.343762


Hey, you're helping complete a project we gremlins have been beating our heads against for years. It's only fair I return the favor.

21d07a  No.343763



>"That's what makes [it] so good: you put in something, and that effort multiplies. It's a positive feedback cycle." –Linus Torvalds

Originally was on the topic of Linux, but I feel it's relevant here.

925124  No.343766


I imagine we could argue about who's helping whom more, but I think I'm going to go with what Kurt references here: >>343763 and just thank you, and offer my continued support. Really, this means a lot to me, more than I can properly express.

2f5b64  No.343767



I'm sure they're lovely girls, but honestly. If there's one thing that keeps me the hell away from the programming department it's the plethora of 'Show open abs and dicc plz' emails I get daily, as well as them constantly spamming the forums with a dozen "How to get hot and cute boyfraend?" threads and completely ignoring the very good advice therein. (IE, don't act like a Pajeet from the turn of the 21st century.

d08790  No.343773

Shura, I'm going to have to give you back that tome you lent me. Got my Spirit tested to see how much I had to work with. The doc's exact words were 'borderline Alp,' so it looks like magic is a non-starter for the time being.


>programming dept.

I was working toward a degree in that field once. Left for that exact reason, never looked back.

925124  No.343776


Well, phooey. Would have been nice to see another caster, especially in a department that would benefit from remote manipulation patterns. Sadly, the only ways I know of to get your Spirit capacity boosted outside the Wizard procedure are to get into a serious, loving relationship that naturally stimulates production increases, or - ironically - Alping. No, I don't know how that works, or why Alp casters are as powerful as they are.

d08790  No.343781


It is indeed a shame. I was enjoying the commjer math, too. Haven't had to break out calculus in years, much less the rest of it. Might sneak in and borrow the tomes every now and again anyways, just to keep my math skills sharp.

>loving relationship

You know, the first thing I though of when the doc came back was "wow, I guess that explains why I can't get any." What's the causative - do I have low Spirit because I'm not in a relationship, or am I striking out due to low Spirit?


I mean, it's actually an option. "Borderline Alp" wasn't an exaggeration; I'm on the fence right now but if I'm not careful I could end up on the other side, so to speak.

c64b4f  No.343785

Wait, Alp casters are powerful? Suddenly that Sabbath ad in the persistence of identity packet becomes clear. They're hoping to make turbo-powered witches or something like that.


Worst case scenario, it's not so bad on this side. As my doctor put it, "at least it's not a Matango infection."

21d07a  No.343786


>"at least it's not a Matango infection"

How bad is it that I chuckled at that?

925124  No.343789


You will always have a bit of difficulty getting a relationship with a low Spirit level - but only in the sense of being noticed. It's entirely a matter of not being quite so bright as the others around you, not emitting as great an attractant. To get past this, you will need to be more active, nearly on the level of some more aggressive mamono, if only in the search itself. Find someone you can love, and who loves you, and that problem becomes irrelevant. I guarantee this improves Spirit capacity, both from the raw theory behind how it works, and personal experience.

As for Alping, this is a matter you must decide for yourself. Ultimately, magic is love - if you cannot find love, you will never use magic.


It's fairly absurd how powerful Alps can become. They do need to rely on energy from external sources - preferably their loved ones - but a dedicated Alp caster can often reach the level of a Wizard. Nothing like what Zeke could get at, true, but then, that's Zeke. You in particular might have some difficulty due to scientific logic being at odds with that of magic, but that's more a mental exercise than a stopping block.

c64b4f  No.343790


I think I might have to borrow your books myself.

21d07a  No.343791



Saw that coming. Shura, any tips on how I can prepare to better supply said energy?

d08790  No.343792


>not so bad

That's the exact thought I had, actually. Worst to worst I go hang out with a harpy for a while and come out the other side with wings or something like that. Kinda bothers me that I'm not bothered by the possibility…

>not a Matango infection

…but the other possibilities are worse.


>being noticed

Makes sense, I guess. This must be a recent development - I used to have girls crawling over each other to get to me. I wasn't really ready for a relationship at the time, and I had to push people away with some real force. I'm aware that I'm not the most pleasant person to be around now, and I figured I was just suffering the drawback from that. I guess it explains how I can work in a warehouse with a bunch of orcs and not get my pelvis shattered on the daily.

Anyways, enough blogposting, on to work: IT, I just had to fill out a mile of paperwork for a truly massive sniper rifle. Protip, if it's bigger than .50 cal, it's a Destructive Device. I have a firearms license, but not a DD license. If you let me know ahead of time, I can get everything lined up, but if you don't I have to scramble to stop the feds from raiding the everloving hell out of us. Please pick up your overcompensation cannon before I deliver it to you with an anatomically-correct 3-inch bayonet.

c64b4f  No.343794


And you guys called me dense. He said magic is love, all you have to do is everything you're doing already.

21d07a  No.343796


Ain't my rifle. Zeke any ideas?

c64b4f  No.343798



Sorry, that's mine. I need it for some materials testing.

21d07a  No.343799


Tee, you know I had to ask. Not gonna take a chance on missing something I could potentially do to support you better than I already do.

d08790  No.343802


I don't even want to know. You're going to need to come down here and pick it up, I have to get you to sign off on it. Some jurisdictions call this thing a cannon instead of a rifle, so please be careful when and where you use it.


Energy drinks, maybe?

925124  No.343803

Maintenance Bulletin:

Francesca, Franceska - kindly return the X-Tra Strength Dubble Bubble Floor Suds(™). You have two minutes before I lose patience.


Drop by my office, Zeke returned some before his vacation.


See Tandy's words: >>343794

Really, that's the single most effective way of transferring love in its ἔρως form.

21d07a  No.343805


All right then. Oh, before I forget, I've a crate of gourmet teas from around the world for you, the sampler box I was gonna get as thanks for the subplane was out of stock, so I got the bigger version.

2670ca  No.343806


Spirit is also attached to sense of self. Get swole, get confident. If you're hermiting away in receivables only emerging to snarl at the zugzugs of course you're going to run low. That's why so many /r9k/s alp on their first exposure to a mana-dripping succubutt?

Find your passion again, learn to look upon yourself with pride. (And if you're going to work out could you maybe do it on the grass on the east side of the building? Mama needs a lunchtime pick-me-up.)

21d07a  No.343808


Ma'am are you aware that you talk like a schlangenöl saleswoman in an infomercial?

d08790  No.343809


>floor suds

Alright, which hallways do I have to avoid?


>swole, hermiting, passion, etc.

That's a thing that I should probably get on. I might be an antisocial asshat, but fucked if I'm going to be compared to /r9k/. Ammit knows there's probably a set of weights lying around back here somewhere. Might have to get with Sam.

925124  No.343810


Excellent, thanks. Actually starting to enjoy the stuff, much to my alarm.


Not to fear, the Frans have returned the materials. This time, they shall face no retribution.

Also, as addendum to my prior advice, >>343806 is, despite the grammatical choices, entirely valid. Love is not solely the romantic ἔρως form, and you cannot afford to limit yourself to that. Self-love doesn't have a real associated term, but is no less important than the more outward-facing forms. Having love for yourself will improve your ability to love others.

21d07a  No.343812


Well then, I guess I'm already doing all I can to improve in that regard.

21d07a  No.343815


Oh, and one of those teas in the crate I got you is supposed to have an added effect which Nubia should appreciate.

d08790  No.343819



Masturbation jokes aside, I should clarify that I don't hate myself or anything like that. I'm just aware of how others perceive me. I definitely need to find something to do, rather than just sit around and be annoying.

Fuck it, I'm going to keep this book for a while longer, if you don't mind. Spirit determines my raw magical power, but it doesn't determine Commjer - that's a learned skill, and it's actually at least partly math. I can handle that shit.

Fuck every natural law in my way, I'm gonna make shit levitate if it Alps me. Thanks for the pep talk, guys.

925124  No.343820


…With the way Nu's dancing in the back of my mind, should I be worried?

21d07a  No.343821


If anything, it should help when she's feeling more vigorous than usual. If I could remember which one it is, I'd tell you and let you take it from there. It's something Zipangan, I remember that much.

d08790  No.343822


>zipangan tea

Oh hell Kurt, what have you done? I once had someone spike my coffee with a Zipangan tea extract back in my retail days. I had to spend two hours in a stall in the bathroom manually reducing swelling, shall we say. Explains why kitsunes end up with so many kids so quick, that's for sure.

21d07a  No.343824


Like I said, good for when one's better half is feeling extra lively.

925124  No.343827


…It wasn't a green wood box with deep-blue print, was it?

d08790  No.343829


I'll say a prayer for your pelvis.

21d07a  No.343831


Slight green tint, sky-blue lettering. If memory serves, it means "love" in Zipangan.

f1b9ff  No.343832


How often will they want to fuck me? Also who will be with me for programming section of the facility?

f1b9ff  No.343834


I want to know this; Why are there men in robes chanting?

925124  No.343835


Won't be necessary. She's a Nightmare, remember? Everything takes place in the dreams.


I'll have to make a cup of that at some point, then. Not likely to be an issue until

…Excuse me a moment. I just found out why she was actually dancing. I'll be back in a few.

d08790  No.343837


>how often

Mamono, dude. Guess.

>who will be with me

Honestly, you're the only contact I've ever seen from the programming department. You're stepping boldly into the unknown. Good luck.


>men in robes chanting

…you aren't near the sub-basement entrance, are you?

f1b9ff  No.343839


No, I just hear them from the floor chanting some weird tongue like 'azua nekcis' or something.

f1b9ff  No.343840


Like which ones? Zipangan, slutty, aggressive?

d08790  No.343843



>weird tongue

Uh, I've got nothing.

>Which ones

We're a pretty diverse company. We hire both shoggoths and kikis simultaneously, which should tell you all you need to know. As for your department, specifically? Gazers for sure, maybe Anubi? I stay right the hell away from prog department out of righteous indignation, so I have no clue.

f1b9ff  No.343844


Are there any white snek?

c64b4f  No.343846


If you want, stop by R&D and I'll give you a quick screening and you can take home a list of what mamono races you'd have enough of an affinity for to be converted into, that way you can make a decision beforehand and if your Spirit production does shut down we can have a mana donor ready. You'd be the second test of this isolation pod system.

d08790  No.343847


…you know what, fuck it, on my way. Might as well figure out what my options are.


>white snek

I think so? Maybe? Hang around the breakrooms long enough and you'll figure out who's around real quick. I just tend to hole up in receiving.

f1b9ff  No.343848


What if you're still A Virgin?

c64b4f  No.343849


I'll be nice and not post the results up here for all to see, just in case you decide to keep your current plumbing.

d08790  No.343852


…invest in lubricant? I can forward you the relevant order forms. Especially since you seem to have hit reply-all.


Much appreciated. Not at all what I was expecting, to be honest. Then again, I'm not sure what I was expecting.

f1b9ff  No.343854


No, what I mean was that, will they try harder so they can fuck you if you're a virgin?

21d07a  No.343855


Kid, how sheltered were you before coming to work here?

f1b9ff  No.343856


I wasn't interested in sex since my high school had a lot of STD's, teen pregnancies and dropouts, so I just refused and graduated early I also did the same thing during college, and graduated early before the integration programs would take place, as that would lead to me dealing with the whole runaround.

d08790  No.343858





>graduated early twice

>therefore smart AND single AND a virgin

…I know I'm not the right person to make this offer, but have you considered the word of the Lord of Light? Might be a good alternative to the whirlwind of sex your life is about to become.

In all seriousness, you'll get interest, but there are clauses in everyone's contracts prohibiting proactive dating. Like they said earlier, any actual one-on-one meetings have a representative present and are scheduled well in advance; if someone tries to make an unscheduled meeting, it might be a trap. Beyond that, use your common sense if you're trying to hang on to your chastity.

And, y'know, if you really do want to go the paladin route, they have some representatives here, and its actually not a bad deal.

f1b9ff  No.343860


I'm not trying to, I had too, in order to focus on studying, as I went to high school in the 'bad parts', where STD's were rampant and pregnancies a thing. And my college was going to integrate the mamono into the college, which would screw everything up.

I just don't want to do it instantly like a slut, but I want to meet, get to know each other, etc. But my concern is they just wanna fuck and that's it, and have no deep connections or desires other than sex, and have nothing else on their mind. I want something more than sex

Also whats Lord of the Light?

21d07a  No.343861


If anyone has ever met a bigger case of unicorn bait….

f1b9ff  No.343864

925124  No.343865

Haha, wow, these painkillers are just outright not doing anything. Word to the wise, don't bother with AcheBeGone PainFree(™), it's not worth your money.


Kid, do yourself a favor. Go to the Assets Department, see about talking to a guy called Benny. He'll set you right.

f1b9ff  No.343866

d08790  No.343867


Should have let me send a prayer for your pelvis.

925124  No.343869


Oh, that's not what's hurting. Got me a splitting headache. Apparently Nightmare chidren come about the same way Athena did.

21d07a  No.343870


There should be some chamomile tea in that crate, helps when I get a headache.

c64b4f  No.343871


I know, right? I never would have pegged you for a… ahem. Aaaaanyway, if anyone else wants to try it out for shits and giggles, just drop by R&D and tell whoever's handy that you're here to test the Affinity Scanner. Takes about five minutes, and then you'll get a handy printout of what mamono races you resonate most with. We need to test the unit we're planning on producing for Shura anyway.

925124  No.343872


Thanks, could use some about now.

Plus side, this time at least I was able to take a picture. Daft little kid's already taking after her mother.

925124  No.343874


And to the Seared Sands with it, I'm game. Nearly ended up that way anyway, could be interesting to see how I might have turned out…assuming it can even scan me at this point.

c64b4f  No.343875


You're already steeped in your wives' mana so we know which ones will come out on top, but below that it'll get interesting.

925124  No.343878


Sounds good, fire when ready. Three Seas, technology is just amazing.

c64b4f  No.343884


I'm trying to make the handheld unit simple to use with no special training, after all these things ideally will be used on all of your program's students. Pass the sensor wand less than a foot away from the subject's body from head to toe, wait a few minutes to process, get a preview on the led screen here, press okay for a printout on the tape. It's standard paper rolls, available from any good office supply, easy to stock up on.

925124  No.343893


Simple, straightforward, basic supplies…I like it.

Anyway, let me know when you get the results.

c64b4f  No.343896


Processing time in this case according to the prototype firmware was… 7 minutes 13.254 seconds. You were a tough nut to crack for it, usually it takes less than five minutes. Also, if your wives (or anyone really) sees what's on this printout, you will be teased mercilessly. Margie's bringing it to you in an eyes-only envelope. You're welcome.

925124  No.343897


Oh, go ahead and publish that sucker. I can handle a few jabs, and if nothing else having it public might give the students some confidence on the scanner system.

And thanks.

c64b4f  No.343898


I actually can't. It's in the test subject agreement you signed, and UNLIKE SOME FUCKING PEOPLE holed up in the bowels of these buildings I abide by that shit.. But you can do whatever the hell you want with it when you get it.

925124  No.343899


Hah, legalities, such silly things. I'll go ahead and do it for you, then; that should let you out of the liabilities. Besides, Nu's in my head right now, I couldn't avoid her seeing if I tried.

Let's see, outside of the obvious three I've married to, I might have been compatible with…oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Shoggoth? Really? I guess that explains a bit about how I'm so at ease with mind-bending insanity and cleanliness.

Ah, well. I've got eight reasons why that'll never happen; I'm one, my wives are three, and my kids are four. Go ahead and put this in the report, let the students know the device is safe and functional.

d08790  No.343901



Don't let the Frans hear that, or stolen soap will be the absolute least of your problems.

21d07a  No.343902



I can see that fitting pretty well actually.

What the hell, let's see what I get.

c64b4f  No.343903


Honestly the one that didn't surprise me was Cheshire.


Even they wouldn't encroach on a man who's as clearly taken as he is.

d08790  No.343904


I was more expecting them to go into full REMOVE SHOG mode. I once saw a shoggoth stumble into the maintenance area back at the store, where three kikis were taking a lunch break. The fight tore a hole in the back wall wide enough to drive a truck through.

925124  No.343906


The Frans are on thin ice. After their last stunt, my security authorization lets me pull them in for discipline. They want to act like little brats, I'll treat them like little brats. Lines! Thousands of them! In cursive!


It begins!


The Cheshire bit makes a tiny bit of sense, I suppose, what with all the insane magic. Although I don't recall ever being a prankster, or have I?

And the Frans are pranksters, not homewreckers.


Francesca and Franceska are Cheshires, not Kikimorae.

d08790  No.343910



Uh. Yeah, I really need to get out of this paperwork hole.


You do realize they don't teach cursive in schools anymore, right?

c64b4f  No.343912


Like I said, just walk right in and tell whoever's handy you're here to test it, they'll get you in and out in about five minutes with a little slip of paper you can laugh at. I sent Shura on his way because I expected his to take longer, and it finished processing almost right after he was out the door.

925124  No.343915


Oh, if those two decide to start something, they will learn.

And yes, they do teach it. At least they did at mine. Then again my school was an old desanctified monastery and half the teachers were seventy-year-old Alps, so what do I know.

21d07a  No.343917


Headed that way, confound this verflucht system…

d08790  No.343919


They didn't teach it at my school. Far as I know, they don't teach it in any public school in this city anymore. Only reason I know it is because I wanted to mess with the suppliers. Give me 25 forms to fill in triplicate, do they…


Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

925124  No.343921


>public school



Putting down Gremlin, Cherubim and…alright, let's go with Valkyrie for good measure.

21d07a  No.343922


Well, not far off on some of those. Automaton was first for obvious reasons. No Cherubim, but Gremlin and Valkyrie were both there.

925124  No.343924


Well, I get good guesses sometimes. Rarely. Once in a blue moon…

Anyway, unless there's anything urgent to come up I need to go take care of the family, let the wives have some rest. Got four kids to tuck in, need to make sure they know daddy's there for them.

21d07a  No.343925


Verdammt thing…

Anyway, the surprise on mine was Vampire. Probably has something to do with the old story that I'm descended from some nobility.

2f5b64  No.343947


>White snek

…I'm sure there's one, or it was an albino tatzelwurm… It was down the hall, I had a half-tonne UPS to RMA and Gaz was hung over so I had to do the driving. Sorry, best I can offer you.



If it was latin it was probably me and Jonno. Can't speak to the robes… OHHH wait. That's right, those were ponchos and that's because we finally found that Umbral Slime who's been hiding in the walls and oozing all over things. It was a whole thing… don't even ask.



…Haha, I kid, I kid. Can you imagine? Lord be merciful, we'd be getting eclipsed by the local Freemason's lodge.

And I'd be careful about selling celibacy as a perk of being a member of the Temple. Light, even the Bishop's married. Lovely woman she is too, used to bring us cookies when we were good and box our ears when we weren't. "Gramma Rose"… I really must call and see how she's doing…

Remember, one of our tenets is the continuance of Humanity… And not even Human women are stupid or self-centered enough to act like a reasonable catch is gonna hang around forever. Courtships are usually pretty damn short.

(We do try and discourage promiscuity though, that's a fair point.)

>its actually not a bad deal.

Again, caveat to that, Zeke's kind of a special case. I mean any person who beseeches upon the Lord and is accepted into the seminary's going to come out of it with at least SOME kind of education. We're primarily a Theological college, though we do have partnerships with other universities for secular majors which fall outside our staff's expertise, but again, you'd have to prove an aptitude, and to be honest they're going to wonder why a man with a Harvard degree is seeking charity. And Paladin? Unless he's hiding a black belt in Kung-Fu behind those slacks he's going to be about ten years behind the 8 ball. I don't think you all appreciate how YOUNG we started. The Temple Wizard Noviates were the 'Big Boys', as an example, and Shura's already told you how young their training begins ideally.


>What's Lord of the Light.

The One, Eternal, Immutable, Holy Lord of Light, Glory Ever be unto His Name. The God Who Abstained.

In a nutshell, our Doctrines teach that when the Heavens met in council to decide upon how best to meet the Emergence of Mamono upon this world, Many of the then-lesser powers of the heavens, thirsty for that final war, wanted to abjure their followers to meet them in combat. Ilias, the Bloody-Winged Mother of Angels, the loudest and strongest of those voices. Some, like the Ancient Gods of Earth, Sea, and Sky, wanted to ally with them, to bring about a new pantheonic Renaissance, instead of eking out a meager existence under the shade of Monotheistic Faiths dedicated to the All-Encompassing.

From the Gospel of Holy Light, Exordium 3:11, And Therre was warre in the high Heafennes. And God-Blood fell as water 'pon the earthe, and that Force yclept Magick in all its forms was known to Man once again. But The Lord raised not His Standard. Neither did he gird His Loins for Battle. "Forsooth…" Spake He. "…I wilt, yea, have faith in Man to choose, as he hath shown Great and Unswerving faith unto Me. For indeed, he art precious unto Me, and his continuance most profoundly desired by Mine heart."

And so we remain. We do not seek assimilation into Mamono culture and beliefs, and indeed, we aim to preserve Human cultures as they are, because the Lord desires us to remain distinct. But neither do we hold animosity or bellicosity towards Mamono, save in the defense of the former.

If you're interested, look us up. Got a website and everything. Services are Sunday at 10am, mostly because I think the Bishop likes making us suffer through Hymns while hung over.

2f5b64  No.343948



…I think I just got a PTSD flashback… Sister Margarethe and her ruler… Lord preserve me.


…What the fuck is a Jorou-Gumo?

Also in wedding news, Telia's seemingly more interested in the Hen's Night and the Wedding Night than the actual ceremony itself… So we're probably going to have a pretty simple one. Apparently there's a new 'Machine-Spirit' organization that wants to try out its ability to marry couples, and the Bishop's said whilst he's thrilled we've found happiness together, as we're not both Human it's outside his remit to actually perform the ceremony.

(Personally I just think he wants to go nuts on the Buffet while off-duty… or the Bar… Gramma Rose'll kill him though.)

925124  No.343967

Maintenance Bulletin:

The use of excess soap suds has rendered the fifth-floor restrooms immensely clean, yet unsafe for use until the slippery residue is removed.

Alright, that's it. Francesca, Franceska, my office, now! The writing's already on the wall, you'd been warned plenty. I'll be having you two put the words to paper, manually, five thousand times!



Humorous, down-to-earth, keeping to form yet not allowing it to be restrictive - your Bishop just keeps sounding more and more like a guy I'd like to meet. And considering the project, I'm guessing that's an inevitable requirement anyway…

Any word on Gazza? As much as I'd like to go with my gut and say he's pulled off getting the wedding set up, there's still the chance those on the list are being called to testify on his behalf first. The Duke's kind of that sort of person.

c64b4f  No.343969

I would like to clarify that, while it may be fun to use these affinity scan results as a "who would I be most compatible with", the specific thing being measured is what types of mana the subject is most susceptible to being influenced by. Many things affect this, including personality traits and prior exposure. Please do not feel you need to strictly limit your romantic pursuits to what you see in the results, or worry if the results don't match who you're dating.

925124  No.343972


You might want to add that to the operational instructions, if you haven't already. For all the cleverness with regards to magics, kids at Tek are dumb as a box of rocks in a lot of ways. I can just see a bunch of them going about doing exactly what you just said not to.

631287  No.343980


Way ahead of you, considering people here are doing it. I've already updated the firmware.

925124  No.343986


Pretty sure we've just been futzing around joking about what we might have ended up as, considering most of us are already in committed relationships, but yeah, best to take precautions. Might as well get the stupid stuff out of the way before the people who could actually get affected end up having to deal with the consequences.

fa8a58  No.343987

Please help. I just got out of my chains and I need someone to either call the police or rescue me from HR. They’ve had me locked up in the HR break room closet for days and… oh shit they found out I escaped! Please someone save me!

f1b9ff  No.343988


Get something heavy, use something, smash their head in. DO IT IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

f1b9ff  No.343989


f1b9ff  No.343990



f1b9ff  No.343991

>>343987 Where are you at?

f1b9ff  No.343992


I'm dialing

925124  No.343994


False Night, how does this sort of thing even happen…

Kid, I'm dispatching some drones to your location. If you see a bunch of ugly sticks flying by, that's them - follow them, they'll escort you to Security.

fa8a58  No.343995







HAHA I was just kidding. There’s no one tied up in the HR break room. Security doesn’t need to show up, haha I pranked ya! (Seriously don’t come).

fa8a58  No.343996


I’ve got my phone back now. Please do come, I need backup. I’m in the men’s restroom in HR.

925124  No.343997



Management takes these sorts of things seriously. You'll be located, escorted to Security, your depositions taken, and the event resolved. Seriously, it's not the Full Moon. There's no excuse for this situation.

fa8a58  No.343999


Thank you! When I get out of here I’m gonna buy the first round.

f1b9ff  No.344000


Who were the perpetrators? Do we need deadly force?

fa8a58  No.344001


No deadly force necessary. And all I remember is the Tanuki HR head giving me some coffee, and the next thing I know I’m tied to chair naked and blindfolded in a closet.

f1b9ff  No.344002


Huh, do we need to fire her?

fa8a58  No.344004


Do what you want with her. All I know is that when I get out of this bathroom I QUIT.

925124  No.344005


Can't drink, confound this curse, but I'll gladly accept a box of teas.


Company charter states that lethal force is expressly prohibited except in the most extreme cases, and even then only by authorized personnel. Kindly cool your jets.

f1b9ff  No.344006

File: f48019f6c37e509⋯.jpg (13.07 KB, 720x720, 1:1, 44073-02-1000.jpg)


Remember this. When they try and advance on you even though you don't want to, take them to an ally, pepper spray their eyes and take your baseball bat out.


Sorry, I just came from a bad neighborhood with the aggressive ones, and well, the only way to stop them was to fight them, and use anything you got, and play dirty, instead of being a coward like in most places. That's one way we didn't get raped or had kids. But okay, I'll stop. I just really hate the ones who don't take no for an answer, and will do anything for sex. I didn't want that poor sap to be dragged back

f1b9ff  No.344007


Can I go, I had to accustom myself to this place, and need to forget

631287  No.344014

Between the increase in Proactive Dating Incidents and the spike in Sabbath activity around the buildings, I'm inclined to believe there's something going on.

21d07a  No.344015


Agreed, there's definitely something afoot.




Was zur Hölle?

Shura, I've called up my drones, set them to take orders from you or your drones.

925124  No.344019



There's no way this is lunacy, it's a waning moon! I'll definitely be keeping drones on higher watch priority. Glad beyond glad that I replaced those Telia burned out - low-effect as they are, they're easy to make - and I appreciate the assist with your additions, Kurt. Here's hoping I don't find anything…although that's so very rarely the case. Why is Security so ruddy incompetent?

f1b9ff  No.344020


Listen, I'm fine with the whole co-operation thing, but if they try and rape you, making you have a kid, all because they were too stupid to think long term, causing you to drop out, and have to work at a McDonalds, then I'm not for that. I've seen that happen with too many of my friends. They were smart and Ivy League material, but because a stupid Wurm didn't get the memo, or a manticore wouldn't say no, they got them pregnant,under the law, mandating the women not be charge because 'muh desires', leading to them dropping out, and losing their chance, but hey, at least the women got what they wanted; a happy family, except when I meet them years later, they are depressed, and really regret it. Yeah there can be unhappy monster marriages. I just don't like how society is putting the monsters needs and desires above our own.

Also when are they going to pass the Reciprocity Act.

d08790  No.344026


See, this is why I like you guys. You're about the first religious organization I've seen that hasn't either been a front for terrorism or intolerably pushy. Can't say as I share your beliefs, but I don't mind pushing people to check you guys out. Sorry if I misrepresented a few points, though.

>this whole situation in HR

Ammit above, what the hell is even happening. In HR, of all departments. Heads are going to roll.

Notice to all: If you're in imminent danger, I can offer Receiving as a sanctuary until the threat passes or the situation is resolved. Plenty of places to hide, the orcs are all romantics and willing to help, and should worst come to absolute worst I'm loaded for bear back here. Plus, I usually have one of Shura's or Kurt's drones roaming about here, they can call for assistance.


As someone that has years of experience fighting off proactive dating attempts, I can empathize. That's part of why I work here, actually. Contracts forbid it under pain of legal action. I can assure you that once Security finally figures itself out, there's going to be a very quick restructuring of HR.

>reciprocity act

…the only legislation I know of by that name pertains to firearms. The firewall blocks Google; care to elaborate?

f1b9ff  No.344035


So recently, the laws have been challenged due to the double standard of sexual interaction. They are trying to make monster-on-man rape recognized as rape, which is a crime to make it similar to a man-on-woman rape, or woman-on-man rape, man-on-monster rape. The Realists argue that it's their nature, while the Rationalists are trying to say that 'If women can act normally, so can they.' It's like with the argument against affirmative action. Treat them equally, and they will be punished equally. Society should expect the same from man and monster. That's the whole Rationalist movement.

The Reciprocity Act aims to 'equalize man and monster under the same law code, so that crimes and punishments are equal. Like with indecency, rape, child custody, murder, etc.'

925124  No.344036

Maintenance Bulletin (Updated):

Recent security events have brought cause for additional employee safety measures. In accordance with the Receiving Department's offer of sanctuary as noted here: >>344026 , the Maintenance Department has added a function to the drone network.

Address a drone and request assistance with the phrase "Fission Mailed" and you will receive an escort to the Receiving Department. To assist with this matter, an additional complement of thirty (30) drones will be assigned to Receiving. As an alternative, using the phrase "Cleanup on Aisle Me" will initiate escort to the Maintenance department for a similar result. Finally, the phrase "I Call It a Loudener" will begin an escort to the Security offices.

Please make note that this is a safety measure and not a toy or tool to get out of work; all instances of the sanctuary escort function will file a log of the event in question, for viewing by the appropriate authorities. Moreover, it should be noted that the drone network is first and foremost a Maintenance affair and thus has minimal Security authority. A request to the Security Department for a more appropriate solution has been filed.

631287  No.344037

Hey Zooz, remember those inert structures you found around my batteries and figured it was vestigial lung? Well, over the past week my energy efficiency has been improving to impossible levels. Did a little testing, turns out those structures are supplying power now, and they supply more power when I'm around Kurt. It seems your experiment has created a love-powered robot.

21d07a  No.344038


And here I thought it was just my charming personality.

2f5b64  No.344042








This sounds like someone living out a fantasy to me. Why would you rely on coworkers to extricate you from a situation like that when Law Enforcement is both willing and able to respond? True, we tend to keep things in-house here, but I don't recall anyone ever doing so after being allegedly 'kidnapped'.



Oh Ammit, another Rationalist.

Kid, you're a programmer. I don't know what the first year Law students told you after getting sucked in by Illian pamphleteers, but we HAVE equal punishment under the law. It's called the Treaty of Seattle. You can't fix bad discretionary judgements by enacting further legislation. That's how Little Johnny Suburban ends up doing 25 to life in a Prison full of Crips for a dime bag of weed. What you knee-jerk reactionaries SHOULD be focusing on is judicial accountability, rather than sweeping changes to legislature that are absent even the slightest inkling of forethought.

Why is it always my alma mater? WHY?!

925124  No.344044


>Why is it always my alma mater? WHY?!

Think of it this way, sir - at least when your school's graduates go crazy they don't blow up mountainsides.

631287  No.344052


When did you get that installed, Kurt?


I'm fabricating a prototype set of these things as we speak. Hopefully Telia and Jonno will be willing to test them.

21d07a  No.344053


Gotta admit, I set myself up for that one.

925124  No.344057

Maintenance Bulletin:

In response to concerns regarding semi-recent Sabbath activity, reports of Proactive Dating Incidents, a group of Seelie Fay attempting to break into and cause havoc within the facility, and an unusual quantity of missing produce, the Maintenance Department's drone system has completed a sweep of the building in search of possible hazards and faults.

The results of this scan include: three support-structure flaws, a container of Kraken Ink in the sixth-floor ventilation system, a malfunction in the second-floor ventilation system, and five instances of misplaced R&D Department supplies. These issues have since been fixed in the fashion most appropriate. No significant security hazards have been detected. Three lesser security hazards have been noted, filed, and reported to the Security Department.

f1b9ff  No.344061

File: 197e77de5130e4c⋯.jpg (50.82 KB, 625x375, 5:3, 197e77de5130e4cec1503ea2ef….jpg)


Nah, man. I just heard whatever that random dude with the fascist uniform say on the town hall. Illias is just that god that for some reason does weird me out. I really don't care about monsters doing their thing, unless it violates my rights. Then it's my business, but hey if they don't bother me it's good man. I just go with it. You do you, I do me, that's it. Although I would not like those Illiad men coming in the building to 'smite the freaks.'

21d07a  No.344065


You sure you replied to the right post?

f1b9ff  No.344068


So the new update of My Cuddle Boyfriend™ will deal with a key issue plaguing the game, where the program self-repairs and inserts its own self-made code into the scenario, leading to different options that weren't ascribed in the standard generator. This leads to a quasi-cascade event, leading to an AI developing. This has lead to the AI manipulating several appliances and almost threatened the government.

I'm safe to say that the private agreement with the U.S. and our company prevented us from being liquidated, and kept this from the public. It also prevented the world ending (thank god).

This Intelligence bug lead to the creation of the AI bodies, similar to the Automatons to deal with it, and has been draining our profits by 24% due to the high costs of creating a human body that can move and act like a human with all its segmented parts, where the Automaton is powered with other means.

The AI have been placed with hot families and their connections to the internet and the government services are cut off

So the update notes:

The self-insert system has been removed. All repairs by the system are managed by the company to prevent that mess again

The decisions will be broadened by a randomized system, and outlandish ideas are removed, thereby retaining realism.

The Tailfist bug, whereby an option to fist a tail other than a manticores have been fixed. It is not an option for non-manticores

Diseases will be reduced by 20% for monsters with stronger immune systems, and the amount of diseases present will vary based on the owner of the games location on the planet. If one is in the tropics, tropical diseases will be more common

The serpentine sickness will be increased depending on the temperature of the day in the game setting by 30%

925124  No.344078


Hey, Kurt? I could just be disoriented because Nubia and Roris are playing around in my memories again, but none of this: >>344068 makes a lick of sense. Can you figure it out?

21d07a  No.344080


Patch notes for something involving one of our products. I assume the writer was somewhat intoxicated, as I could have written this much more coherently (probably even after having a bit much of Slav's best).

925124  No.344081


Well, the guy's either drunk, or has a pair of Nightmares futzing with his head, and I'm fairly sure I'm the only one with that latter attribute in the building.

21d07a  No.344083


I've written better update documentation whilst drinking away a college party hangover with booze that might as well have been an alcohol IV drip, so I don't think it's just intoxication.

925124  No.344085


>drinking away a college party hangover with booze that might as well have been an alcohol IV drip

Ah, the memories. Ever get at any Satyrwine?

f1b9ff  No.344086


So the main issue was that the self-fix mechanic, that was meant to extend the life of the game lead, to repairs of code that wasn't needed to be repaired, and snowballed til an AI developed. This happened multiple times with appliances being manipulated and complaints about power turning on and off. We had to come and manually retrieve the game copies before the AI would access the internet and a Skynet scenario would occur. We had to keep them in a special generator room, so they don't have access to the internet as they need a cord to connect to the internet by an outside source. In the meantime we contracted a Robotics company to make the designs for bodies, that mimicked humans so it wouldn't be obvious. This made it expensive, given the need to replicate muscles and whatnot. Also we had to educate them so they wouldn't hack the government. Until one AI named 'Clarice' hacked a DARPA server and leaked info to the public about weaponizing monsters. This was the first instance of non-Automaton AI. We negotiated with the government so we wouldn't be liquidated.

We fixed it by creating a more centralized self-fix system, where all repairs would be approved by computers using an algorithm that would itself be monitored. By the way this is a temporary fix. Well safe-proof it later on, but now we don't have to worry about Terminators.

925124  No.344088


…And considering the latest attempt at patch-notes explanation, I'm beginning to think you're right.


How the flying leap did you get that from fixing code for mamono-oriented motorized sex dolls? You're supposed to be making the daft things better at "struggling," not writing the next Robocop.

21d07a  No.344089


Never was the one buying, couldn't afford the nice stuff anyway. Only times I drank in college were when I wanted to avoid being such a stick-in-the-mud as to lose friends or to help with a hangover whilst doing a project that was due the next day.


I sincerely hope you aren't including any of that in the public update notes.

f1b9ff  No.344090



NO. I mean that a piece of code lead to AI developing, and that lead to the government issue. I fixed it so there won't be any more AI developing. Jesus Christ. The bodies were mean to serve as vessels, and they were placed with host families. The vessels were meant to be realistic in movement, reaction time, sense, etc. That's why we needed a contract to make those bodies. Not sex-bots. They are independent, self-functioning, sentient, and developed AI that can critically think. With personalities.

f1b9ff  No.344091


The Joint Agreement stated that this issue was to be private and remain private. Anyone who spilled any information on these events would be fined, arrested, assets seized, found guilty immediately and sent to a super-max prison for 10 years. I'll keep the general ones in the update, as this isn't done yet, just an update to the update

f1b9ff  No.344093


No, I'm not.

21d07a  No.344099


Doesn't that put you in violation for posting it here?

c64b4f  No.344101


I told Jeen she was taking too much of a risk on that project but she told me she had it under control.

21d07a  No.344103


I'm going to assume that we're dealing with an idiot rather than malicious intent. Speaking of, this moron needs to learn how we do things.

Also, until we're given a cyclical thread or told to fuck off, just keep doing like we did before.

925124  No.344110


>had it under control

…Wasn't there a discussion a while back about how that phrase is basically the earliest indicator that things aren't under control? I seem to remember you had some words on the matter.

Also, congratulations! Did I right about you figuring out a love-sourced power system? It may have been an accident and a side-effect of Tandy's conversion process, but hey, it's pretty bloody brilliant nonetheless.

c64b4f  No.344115


If I'd had any say in the matter that would have been the point where the whole thing got an in-depth audit and overhaul, but programming isn't my department.

And it does seem to be a love-sourced power system, but it doesn't just collect ambient love, the thing being powered has to be what's loved. It'll basically only work for synths in relationships. It's not applicable to the dreamlink project, unless somebody falls in love with a dreamlink unit.

21d07a  No.344116


That's an amusing image to say the least.

925124  No.344117


I wasn't even getting at the dreamlink project, although it might be able to tie into the relevant synth's power stores for additional charge. My point is, if this means what I think it means, that's one more boundary between man and machine you've pretty much broken through. I mean, this is essentially the way Artifice beings like Rossa and Cressida get energy.

…Why do I have the image of a synth acting as a sort of armor?

Ah, that's why. Nubia! Roris! Get out of my imagination centers!

d08790  No.344118


>nearly created skynet

So, I actually studied compsci back in college. AGI - Advanced General Intelligence, what most people think of when they say AI - is really hard even when you're trying, Automatons excepted. I have to say that it's highly improbable that self-repair code on what amounts to a glorified Realdoll would snowball into any form of AI, let alone sentient, sapient AGI. Maybe IT and prog department got a different, more in-depth version of that briefing, but from my position I'm going to call BS. Especially since the government, specifically the military, would kill and die for a way to produce AGI, rather than cover everything up and put the little codeling in a foster home.

Not going to push for more info, though. I'll take the official BS story. I like my head where it is.

On the subject of magic, I managed to make a very, very dim lightball! I was on the ground feeling like I ran a marathon for an hour afterwards, but I did magic. Gotta work on that commjer math.

925124  No.344119


>very, very dim lightball

Was it able to emit any noticeable light - as in, was what it gave off reflecting on any surface?

d08790  No.344121


Oh yeah, cast a little tiny bright spot through a mirror on to the desk. I wanted eliminate the possibility of mistaking a sunbeam or something, since I was deliberately aiming low.

925124  No.344123


Then congratulations, in a few short days you've managed to accomplish what took me five years of training.

Suggestion for exercises with that spell: rest until you feel as you did before casting, then repeat at semiregular intervals until you can cast without feeling exhausted. Then try for a bright one, then two dim, two bright, etc. Standard exercise logic, I'm sure you know how that works.

d08790  No.344129


>five years of training


…wait, was most of the training learning the involved math? Because if that's the case, that would actually make sense. Like I said before, I studied compsci for a while; part of compsci is some really in-depth math, so I wasn't really out of my depth at any point in the commjer calculations. I mean, I did have to cut corners eventually because holy hell does it get difficult, but I understood the underlying principles all the way through.

If that's not the case, then I reply WAT.

925124  No.344130


…Have I really never explained the Wizard program in any detail?

d08790  No.344132


You might have, and I just missed it. I do recall you mentioning that it starts before puberty, involves retaining virginity until age 30, and apparently something really unpleasant happens near the end that causes many candidates to Alp, but beyond that I didn't see anything.

308e52  No.344135


Nope, thats about all the detail he's given, apart from allusions to some kind of semi-militaristic rank structure. Don't blame him mind, our training protocols aren't exactly secret and we'd still be here all week while I explained them.


I've heard the comedown from a trip to wonderland is a pearler but Lord of Light. I actually thought someone made a video game about the pussy pacifiers for a horrible minute there!

21d07a  No.344136


Sounds about right.


I think a bad trip and some kind of alcohol poisoning were involved.

925124  No.344138



Hmm. Right, I guess not; probably I just assumed it was semi-public knowledge and stuck to referencing the more salient points. It's not like any of the program is confidential; it's explained in full on the documentation, even if in absurdly dry language. I can type up my understanding of the process, if you like.

d08790  No.344141


I'm always down to learn something new, though I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a magical prodigy or something given the five years comment.

925124  No.344162


Apologies for the lengthy infodump, I've condensed this as best I can.

Starting roughly around age ten, a prospective Wizard accepts the offer to go to the academy. This leads to being in a schooling environment for ten years, learning the basic maths needed for Commjer, the theory behind the various magic schools, and the concept of how Love ties into all of it. Alongside this is the standard education - a secondary language, some extracurriculars, that sort of thing. I was one of the slow ones, due to a combination of seriously below-average spiritual potential and an inability to grasp the calculations, something I still struggle with. Students are arranged into groups and assigned a team leader from the faculty; the system is military-funded and every student goes through appropriate training as well as an expectation of service in times of conflict. I was not joking about Screyton being both "team mom" and my NCO.

Then come seven years of putting to practice what we'd learned in theory, nearly entirely spent traveling between rural villages. Afterward comes three years during which all forms of love are denied through near-constant isolation. The effect this has on the soul is why the process is so difficult, as the soul wants love, and pushes the desire of it at all points. The combination of a lack of love and a net positive remaining spirit renders the soul unstable in its moorings, and is why so many students risk falling to a bad Alping.

Finally, those who choose to go on with the end procedure have gaping great holes torn through the soul, only possible because of the trust between the teacher and student. This event causes Love to finally reject the student's attempts at isolation and rushes to affect what repairs it can. It's not smart, though; it goes about forcing the soul itself to grow into filling the wounds, leaving behind tears through which spiritual energies leak - and in the attempt to fix this secondary wound, Love simply calls for a constant flow of energies into the soul.

Ultimately, this does have effects on the mind of the Wizard. The support system of the academy attempts to mitigate this, hence the mandatory year of intensive psychological therapy and guaranteed on-demand sessions for life, as well as a deep sense of family. It also does result in graduates becoming more than a little "love crazy," and a fairly sure marker of a Wizard is our tendency to reference the word.

308e52  No.344164


I get the feeling that Magic might be like live weapons training for Paladins. I mean sure, at age 5 I could pick up a kindjal with a point so keen you wouldn't even feel it until it was halfway in… I don't think anyone would disagree that to allow me to do so would be an awful idea though.

Maybe magic's the same. Sure, you can conjure eighteen fireballs in slightly different shades of fuck you, but guess what, you've just put a brick on your spiritual accellerator and plowed your shit into a tree with expectedly fatal results. Maybe the '5 years' is more to do with OH&S than anything else.

925124  No.344168



Yes and no. Yes, there was a lot of safety instruction - ten years' worth. It's the five years after that are what I'm referencing. I was just that slow.

d08790  No.344175


>wizard training

And now I'm quite glad that I didn't end up a Wizard. I can't say the extra power would be worth that. You definitely have my respect. You had it before, but still.


>just that slow

I can't blame you, that math is hard. It does lend credence to my theory, though; I don't need to be powerful, I just need to be efficient. Just means I have to dig back into ODEs and vector calc and all that fun stuff. Something to do while I wait for orders to come in.

21d07a  No.344178


Heilige scheisse. You were about as far from kidding as one can be when describing the process of becoming a wizard as including some seriously unpleasant work on the soul.

925124  No.344179



I know I describe parts of it as being grim and dark. I'm required to. It's a legal tool, an attempt at keeping others from replicating it under less-than-ideal conditions. Yes, the experience of having one's soul torn at is excruciating. It's also surgical in its precision, takes only enough time as is absolutely necessary, and the healing is nearly a religious experience. Considering what it involves, it may as well be. There's a reason I was so quick to the idea of having a Choir for the big project, after all. I remember that feeling, I know its source is true.

Realistically speaking, the chance of the corrupt Alp transformation is the real hazard - the determination needed to stay the course of self-denial is why those who end up Alping have such poor reactions, and Zuzi's device should do wonders in alleviating the mental strain.

Frankly, if the "starting before puberty" thing wasn't an issue I'd bet you could have gone through with no problems.

As for the maths…in the end, I ended up going with brute-force memorization - it's why things are reflexive rather than calculative, and part of why paperwork ended up being as straightforward for me as it is. Commjer for me has become more a matter of exercise than writing things out.

e4c57e  No.344187

Hello all, I applied for any open positions and had my interview yesterday. Still don't know what I'm being hired for or what I will be doing. Just got out of general orientation. What to expect?

21d07a  No.344188


Whether or not I could have done it is academic now. All the same, that's a much more impressive process than I imagined.

21d07a  No.344190


Did they tell you which department you'd be in?

e4c57e  No.344191


No, they did not which is a bit of a surprise to me. First mamono company I work for so I didn't question it. I got a lot of stares during the orientation…Hope they don't sense my wizardry.

21d07a  No.344192


Actual magic power wizardry or the more common slang form?

e4c57e  No.344193


I have no magical abilities to speak of, so the slang form.

925124  No.344194


Eh, maybe I'm biased from having gone through it already but I can't really call it that impressive. It was what it was, and it's lead me to where I am today, so I'm not going to complain. I got what I wanted out of it, and a whole lot more besides.


Three things:

First, find out your department. That will determine the majority of what you can expect.

Second, get practiced on filing paperwork. That is a universal part of all work here.

Third, always remember: "additional duties as assigned." This will happen when you least expect it.

21d07a  No.344195


Given recent events, pick up your onboarding papers and make a beeline for either Receiving or Maintenance. Once there, go through your packet and take the advice in >>344194.

e4c57e  No.344196



Will do, many thanks!

21d07a  No.344203

Heads up to the finance department:

Due to recent events and the age of the finance mainframe system, expect nightly periods of service degradation. Please CC Ms. Leafcowiz and Ms. Tatsuyokai on any complaints regarding the matter.

(Congrats again Jonno)

2f5b64  No.344209



With all the rubbish this morning concerning that (presumably fraudulent as I've heard naught else) kidnapping and some chap (on Ammit only knows what who I'm not even sure works here any more, if he ever did) causing one hell of a ruckus about some kind of imagined AI uprising I completely missed this. My apologies.

(Can you believe local media was credulous enough to believe him? I've spent the better part of today threatening a number of people who should know much better with legal rough-loving that would make an Ogre cringe, if one could ever get one to understand the analogy, of course… Anyway…)

Apparently this 'Duke' is an individual of singular shrewdness and cunning. Apparently Gazza has been nodding politely, requesting every proposal, demand, and adjustment in writing, and then promptly screenshotting them and sending them to me, usually accompanied by some variant of "What the fuck's this?"

Honestly… I wonder if this 'Clarice' has a sister. I mean I'm not much for Devils but on the off-chance she's anything like her father (mother? the gender of this 'Duke' is seemingly deliberately vague.) then I'd welcome the daily riposte… And the potential for shoulder rubs every evening, Ammit knows I'm a pile of knots these days.

Oh, Shura. As for that 'pending ticket' you had relating to a certain amoral basement-dweller no longer on the company payroll? Because the CEO had enough sense to fall on their sword (Multiple times agonizingly slowly) The official answer is 'no'. The unofficial answer is 'if anyone catches him in the open nobody saw a thing.'

2f5b64  No.344210


>Synth as a sort of armor

If you remember, Shura, I DID suggest something similar for the wedding, integrating your Wives' Physical forms with a synth shell to give them some bodily autonomy for the evening. In my experience playing around with (and mercilessly overloading ^-^) synth sleeves, It wouldn't even be that difficult, it's just a matter of finding the right 'plug', so to speak. And hey, worst thing that can happen is someone gets covered in lubricant, hardly an uncommon end to the evening if half of what I overhear in the breakroom is in any way accurate.

2f5b64  No.344211



SLEEVE! SLEEVE! Shell. Urgh… How Cephalopodian… I blame the human from earlier with the memory exception. How DO you orgos deal with that, by the way?

925124  No.344212

Feh, these last bits always take forever to scrub out. Gonna be here a few more.


>speculation regarding devilish sister

Her sister's married, from what I've heard. Her cousin's currently looking, though.

…I think. You'd need to ask her.

>pending ticket, shredded

Thank you for confirming that that is not something I need to worry about, sir.



>integration, autonomy

Gotta bear in mind that, at the end of the day, no matter how much they might be a sword and a bunch of armor, Ro and Cress are spirits first and foremost. Fun though your gift was, the dreamjoining is just how we find our union strongest.

Speaking of, have you tried parallel dreamstates yet? Layering?


Let me put it this way: not easily. It's one of the biggest reasons why I've been rewriting my memory storage preference from my brain to my soul proper.

2f5b64  No.344214


>Speaking of, have you tried parallel dreamstates yet? Layering?

SOMEONE mentioned that game involving a certain activity on the back of a certain stuffed unicorn to Telia. She's been scene-by-scening it, featuring herself as the 'Contract Target' each time.

Hearing thumping music and urgent slavic howling whilst you're [REDACTED] your AI fiancee in Griffon form does test one's resolve, I keep thinking something horrible's going to jump on me while I'm [REDACTED] and she's [REDACTED] all over [HONEY NUUUUUU~]

c64b4f  No.344248


Telia, you have absolutely no idea. Organics have no Read Only Memory. Every time a memory is accessed, it is basically re-encoded. And yet, their operating system is set up such that they don't realize this is happening.

21d07a  No.344272


That means (if I recall correctly, and I'm aware of the irony in that qualifier here) that errors in "reading" a memory can alter its contents. Fun stuff.

925124  No.344280

Maintenance Bulletin:

The Maintenance Department would like to congratulate Francesca and Franceska for their diligent work at ranking thirty-seventh and nineteenth, respectively, of the nation's Top Hundred Most Legible Scribes. For their efforts, they have been awarded the opportunity to stop writing lines regarding the unauthorized use of Maintenance Department supplies.


I've no clue what you're referencing, but honestly, at this point that all just sounds so tame. You've got a direct line to and understanding of the Internet, what I'm told has a vast repository of unbelievable perversion. With that in mind, how are you such a bunch of prudes? Really, now - do you at least snuggle and hold hands on a regular basis?



>Read Only Memory, lack

That's that hard-dusk thing computers have, right? I've never understood the need for that sort of permanency - life's always seemed more a constantly changing flow, not instructions set in stone.

21d07a  No.344285


Read-only memory is like words on a printed page, you can read it, but not alter it. It's useful for things like recalling the exact formula for the most efficient commjer equation at will with perfect accuracy. A hard-disk is a type of storage device, capable of holding read-only data and read-write data (and it doesn't have to re-write the read-write data every time it gets read).

Also, I'm fairly certain Telia is just easy to embarrass in public, much to the amusement of at least one person here, almost certainly two.

925124  No.344289


>hard-disk, memory explanations

…Given as I've been unconsciously using my soul for exactly that for years, I retract my immediately-prior statement. How in the Green Blazes did I never realize?

21d07a  No.344291


This is the stuff I was learning by heart when you were learning to use magic. I've a fundamental understanding of the concepts behind how computers work, which informs my actions on the job just as your foundational skills with magic inform how you use it.

925124  No.344299


It's kind of not something we were taught, though. I couldn't for the life of me get the calculations to work out - they're difficult, and I am not a clever man. That brute-force memorization I referenced wasn't rhyme schemes or mind maps, it was more a matter of a cheat sheet of sorts I tattooed to the fundamental of my being, hard-written without any chance of alteration…and then went ahead and kept adding to because it was convenient.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it, but that seems like a bit of a difference from the normal measure of memory that I'm used to. It's already difficult, trying to wrap my head around the idea that this might be the normal for technology.

Bah, my head hurts. I'm making some tea if anyone cares for any.

21d07a  No.344305


I do believe I'll join you shortly.

Apologies to the finance department, one of your mainframes is rebooting after a fatal error. Turns out power surges aren't good for computers that are so far past their end-of-life as to have physical corrosion on the PCBs. (Hint hint for the finance bosses)

c64b4f  No.344312


>I've never understood the need for that sort of permanency

The impermanency of it all leads to all sorts of idiosyncratic mental behavior. Operational fallacies. Having memories of things that never happened. It's wild, man.



I'm in for tea.

d08790  No.344363

Alright, I've got to come up for air from this paperwork to call some people out:

HR: How many times do I have to tell you this? You do not have clearance to order biohazards. Only R&D can do that. That's not a specific ban on manticore spines but not venom, you have no authority to order anything venom-based, manticore or otherwise. Plus, given recent events, it looks really suspicious to be ordering a literal date-rape drug. Stop trying.

IT: We had this discussion about destructive devices earlier. I have no issue with you ordering a crate of flashbangs if you tell me a few days beforehand, but if you just let it happen I have to call the ATF and make sure they don't try to raid us, and it's a huge fucking production.

To whoever ordered the crate of fuzzy handcuffs: Why? Wherefore? For what purpose?

Maintenance: I have one last order here for our friendly basement-dweller - apparently I didn't catch this one when I voided everything else. I'm not going to bother opening it - would you care to nuke it from orbit for me?

21d07a  No.344373


I'd help you track down who's responsible for that crate of flashbangs, but I really need to step up the pressure on the finance brass over this upgrade that they've been so unhelpfully silent on.

d08790  No.344381


>help me track someone down

Nah, I already know who they are. Once I'm out of the paperwork hell they've put me in I'm going to carpet their cubicle in little plastic dongs. Appreciate the offer, though.

>finance, upgrade

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

21d07a  No.344384


Can't think of anything, unless you've got some way to increase the effectiveness of a very stern talking to on the finance bosses.

925124  No.344385


That's a maker-sealed box of gourmet chocolate truffles…with a note offering them to whoever wants them. I'm not detecting any hazardous materials or effects. No point in making fireworks this time, I'm afraid.

c64b4f  No.344404


You can't seriously tell me you're not going to destroy that, right? You're going to trust something that Bile ordered with a note that says 'please eat this stuff'? Also, theobromine, another stimulant that no longer does anything for me.

627aa4  No.344408

Back from the vacation, though posting may or may not be sporadic as I catch up on work.


There's always the BOFH approach. Or maybe even BOFW (the 'W' is for Wonderland). Just be thorough with the CYA measures in either case.


>affinity scanner

Just for kicks and giggles, I stopped by on my way in. That Gremlin was high on the list should not come as much of a surprise to some of you here. Other notable results were Anubis, Unicorn, and, oddly enough, Lich.


>Zeke's kind of a special case


>Spirit is also attached to sense of self.


>Afterward comes three years during which all forms of love are denied through near-constant isolation. The effect this has on the soul is why the process is so difficult, as the soul wants love, and pushes the desire of it at all points. The combination of a lack of love and a net positive remaining spirit renders the soul unstable in its moorings, and is why so many students risk falling to a bad Alping.

I wonder if all of this might explain my spirit potential, at least a little bit. I'll try to keep the blogposting to a minimum, but I was no stranger to isolation and various degrees of ostracism growing up. Maybe it is possible that I just wound up breaking the opposite way? I don't know if this next part will make any sense, including to me, but for some reason, the words "love cactus" came to mind regarding myself when I read over the description of your Wizard training. Make of that what you will. Or ignore it as half crazed ramblings induced from the contact high I may have momentarily experienced from reading that programmer's postings.

I might as well dig in on this work backlog now, but I may have a story to post later from my days off if time permits.

925124  No.344409


That…is a blasted good point. Erasure in progress, those things are gone.

…And clearly I need to have words with the Nightmares. Roris and Nubia really need to reign in their attempts to garner sweets, this is neither the time nor the place.


I honestly don't have any real way of correlating your isolation with regards to your capabilities. The form we go through at the end is more akin to solitary confinement than anything else. Some people are just born with abnormally large souls, others with absurdly minimal capacity. Maybe if I had more information I'd be able to come up with an explanation of sorts.

7c56bb  No.344420

Hey all,


Now I don't know how accurate this is, but your Security system had some 'junk' monitoring data without a header and so forwarded it 'home' (it's such a mamma's bot… yes you are! Yes you are! ahem… anyway.) apparently Ms. Tatsuyokai is 'hoarding'. It's apparently an instinctive behaviour for single Dragons designed to let larceny overpower common-sense in adventurers. Get her a date and she'll loosen the purse strings.


Isn't it obvious? She was built as a proactive security solution. When she's with Jonno it's the only time she lets herself be completely and totally vulnerable. Of course, she shields that. And 'when in doubt, act adorable' is a pretty common behaviour protocol for our units. Call it an unofficial signature of sorts.

And Telia, sweetie, stop trying to redact me. You're just tying up system resources…

c64b4f  No.344432


Not the only thing she'd tie up, I'd bet…

925124  No.344437

Maintenance Bulletin:

The second-floor restrooms will be shut down at the beginning of the next hour for a routine top-to-bottom inspection, cleaning, and parts replacement session. The matter will take approximately twenty minutes for the drones to carry out their tasks, after which the room should be in full working order.


…I suppose that's fair. I guess I'm just spoiled due to my situation involving less physical contact and more metaphysical joining of the souls.

21d07a  No.344442

My apologies to those in the finance department who may have found my confrontation with the department’s leadership disturbing. Maintenance drones should be receiving request to clean up the scorch marks from the dragon fire involved in said discussion shortly. Services will undergo a scheduled outage in the coming weeks for hardware upgrades.

925124  No.344443

Maintenance Bulletin:

Per a service request filed by the IT Department, the Finances Department offices will shortly be receiving repairs. Due to the relatively minor degree of damages, the task is estimated at lasting approximately fifteen minutes.


Kurt, I hope you got what you were after. Next time, warn me so I can set up some wards, alright?

c64b4f  No.344445


If I find A HAIR singed on this Kraut…

21d07a  No.344448


I’m fine Tee. Ms. Tatsuyokai just took issue with being dragged by the collar to look at the state of the equipment.


I expected indignant shouting at the most, not fire. I’ll warn you next time as I now know to expect fire.

925124  No.344449


>expected shouting, not fire

This is a dragon you're talking about. An apparently single dragon, in a company where a significant number of couples have recently formed up. Did you really think she would be so meek as to hold to vocalizing her displeasure?

Next time, let me know in advance and I'll set you up with a temporary warding shield. I can repair scorch marks easily, but I don't even want to think about the damages Tandy could cause.

21d07a  No.344452


I don’t usually have to drag someone to physically inspect the servers. Usually it’s a matter of a shouting match at most. Now then, I’m going to get to work on ordering the new servers.

c64b4f  No.344453


Receiving wouldn't miss their entire fleet of heavy loaders for just fifteen minutes.

32d9dd  No.344454



You sure about that? That's probably the most action Torch-a-villiage has seen in years, and that nice young man so FORCEFUL with it…

…and he IS getting his new servers, no?

c64b4f  No.344455


Maybe fifteen minutes isn't going to cut it.

21d07a  No.344457


Spoken for. Also, I’m getting my new servers because I was able to get her to understand that she’ll start losing money fast if I don’t get these upgrades approved.

d08790  No.344458


>I wouldn't miss my fleet of heavy loaders

Just leave 'em like you found 'em, please.

32d9dd  No.344459


Uh huh, I'm sure that was all it was. Nothing to do with your booming voice and corded arms… the collar of her blouse bunched in your fist as you dragged her off…


Don't be a shrew dear. We've all been there.

925124  No.344460



That's what worries me.


…On second thought, THIS is what worries me. Please do not be provoking the AI with access to heavy machinery. If it means we don't have the building erupt into flames or rooms rendered to rubble any time in the near future, I can provide numbers of individuals seeking that sort of activity.

627aa4  No.344462


Well, I was going to volunteer my telekinetic services when the new servers come in for moving, racking, and/or stacking, but…


I think Tandy's got this.

And in case of any future "heated" discussions, I have unfortunately had an opportunity or two to get pretty good at healing electrical and burn related injuries. (I told her those components looked a little dodgy. Don't worry, she's fine.)

d08790  No.344464



>antagonizing the AI

As an addendum to >>344458, can you at least wait for me to make some popcorn? And, y'know, have your fight somewhere that isn't Receiving?

c64b4f  No.344465


"We've all been there"? Just how often do you perv on engaged men?

32d9dd  No.344469


As in we've all been swept up in the thrill of the moment. Relax. Torch-a-villiage is no homewrecker, and you two aren't exactly unknown around the spirit-cooler. Put down the heavy machinery and go kiss your fiancee.

c64b4f  No.344472


That's… good advice. I'm glad I didn't actually give in to the temptation to brick your phone.

c64b4f  No.344478


Seriously, that's not a parting shot or sideways threat, I really am glad I didn't.

21d07a  No.344479

Notice for any drama fiends:

I'm from a family with a nasty record of treating people poorly in the name of their faith. I don't follow that faith, but anyone who cares to interfere between Tandy and I will wish I did.

c64b4f  No.344480


Don't you start now that they just talked me down. Take a break, we'll relax in the subplane.

21d07a  No.344481


Good idea.

Receiving, the orders have been filed. Let me know when they arrive.

d08790  No.344486


Gotcha. Waiting on the seller to get in touch with the shipping documents. Depending on how embarrassed Ms. Tatsuyokai is, it could be anywhere from a week to three days. You kids have fun now~.

c64b4f  No.344490


We did. It was an hour in there, out here it was fifteen minutes. Handy little thing, that.

d08790  No.344491


>we did

…oh. Well, I'm happy for you after the fact, then.

32d9dd  No.344494

Leafhead just put out a bulletin on our internal board. Apparently Torch-a-villiage is going to be on an "urgent conference call" for the remainder of the afternoon and is not to be disturbed. Three things are wrong with this.

1) that cute intern from marketing has 15 minutes left on his lunch break and I've already disabled the cameras.

2) I need her sign-off before I can go take advantage of that fact.

3) I'm going to be the one staying back to obfuscate her spending three hours on the phone to 1900-hot-boys.

Please. PLEASE. Someone get my boss laid!

d08790  No.344497


So what you're saying is, a finance manager is using company resources to indulge herself and using her underlings to hide this fact from the Board.

I'm sure there's a whole bunch of people that would be interested in this information.

32d9dd  No.344501


The board? You kidding? She's hiding it from the STAFF. The board's the ones who OKed the expense claim!

32d9dd  No.344502


Oh… I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Whoops! Still, what are the chances she'll look here, right?

d08790  No.344503


>tempting fate

I'll say a prayer for you.

21d07a  No.344504


If you're one of those staffers responsible for helping her avoid giving me a straight answer for as long as she did, you'll get no sympathy from me.

5b24b1  No.344508


Hey, speaking of Receiving, did what's his name ever get his stapeler back?

2f5b64  No.344511


I think the Orcs gave it back after he threatened to take them to Korean BBQ


That's a funny story, actually. Ordinarily no, I'd say you'd be pretty safe. Ms. Tatsuyokai did, in fact, however, stop by assets this evening to ask about turnaround times on RMAs. Apparently some standalone vidcon units got somewhat… singed during her discussion with Kurt. And, I did, in fact, happen to be browsing this selfsame board at the time.

Sorry about that. If it helps, I also, for reasons known only to The Lord of Light, giggled at the name 'Torch-a-villiage'. The door's secure, but not that secure. She'll be in here in a moment, and I've almost finished putting my armor on.

I guess I'm writing this post to say, first and foremost, DON'T HELP ME. I haven't had anything resembling a good honest fight since we put boots to those Antitheist edgelords back when I was about nineteen and something about the way she's yelling and roaring and threatening to rip me apart is just making my blood sing.

Brothers, friends, colleagues all, if she eats me, the Lord bless and Keep you. Jonno, you can have my kit, make sure Gazza gets the 'sundries bag'. He'll know what to do with it.

She's almost through. Deus Vult!

21d07a  No.344514


Who else thinks this has a chance of fulfilling the request made by >>344494?

c64b4f  No.344548


Pretty significant chance, yep.

925124  No.344549



Considering those two are STILL at it, probably. Benny wasn't kidding about wanting a good fight.

c64b4f  No.344561


Are we… sure that fighting is all they're doing now?

21d07a  No.344565


Regardless, I don't think we should disturb them.

c64b4f  No.344571


Makeshift is right. It's not quite working.


Anybody who does disturb them is at risk of serious bodily harm.

925124  No.344573


>quote regarding makeshift soundproofing

>quoted post nonexistant

…Did the system seriously eat my post again? Blast it all - I reiterate, messenger pigeons would be better than this.

And yes, that soundproofing is most certainly insufficient for the task. I'll need to invest in better materials and possibly relevant wards.

Moreover, is anyone else seeing a blinky flashy "bump limit near" warning?

d08790  No.344588

This message was recorded with MamonoCorp Voice Recognition (Free Edition). Your free trial expires in: -328 days.

"Ammit's thighs I hate phoneposting. I'd grab one of Shura's drones for this but they've fucked off into the ether or something. Some asshole ordered a few vials of catnip essential oil, and the Frans got into it when I wasn't looking. I've got a drunk cat laying on my keyboard-"

<If I fitsh, I sitsch.

"You don't fit, though. Like, at all."

<Y'callin me fat? M'not fat, m' thick. Thic-c-c-c.

"The other Fran's somewhere in the shelves, lost or something. If someone could grab Shura or his drones and have him retrieve his employees, that'd be gr-AGH-"


"By the nine hells if you don't get off me this very instant-" [ERROR: Unexpected termination]

21d07a  No.344589


I've dispatched a few quadcopters outfitted with cold water spritzers and tranquilizers.

925124  No.344591

@ThingOne, @ThingTwo: Remember the deal.


Belay that, Kurt.

21d07a  No.344592


>remember the deal


In other news, new thread as soon as I figure out a less-bland header.

d08790  No.344593



That crate of fuzzy handcuffs that came in a few days ago is coming in handy. Cancel the cavalry, they're hanging out in the corner, sleeping it off.


>remember the deal

I wouldn't blame them too much for this one. It looks like the vials came in cracked, all they would have had to do was walk near the box to be affected by it.

925124  No.344594


Who do you think ordered those?

d08790  No.344595


>who do you think

…are you talking about the catnip, or the fuzzy handcuffs?

925124  No.344596


In a word? Yes.

d08790  No.344597


Invoice for the handcuffs says maintenance department. I had figured one of your colleagues was kinkier than I expected. The catnip oil's marked for R&D.

21d07a  No.344599

New thread: >>344598

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