Our Commitment
I know the rest of the world hates us, especially on the internet, but I know that only makes us more right.All of us Born Again Christians with neglectful parents who let us visit sites like 4chan when we were teenagers. We made it, and found what we were looking from from those places. Porn mostly, but also brotherhood.
This board is a place for us to seek affirmation from fellow believers of the same creed, and to Hell with anyone who disagrees with us. May Alexis keep this place a safe haven from persecution by the heretics and atheists.
Our commitment:
Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Rules
1) You must believe in the God of my creed.I know the world is out to get us Christians but you are safe here. I am a good Christian and I will protect you by banning every heretic so you won't be left astray here. Bans will range from a day to eternal excommunication. You can trust my judgement because I am a real good Christian.
Have you taken the brown pill yet, mateys?
it's a tough pill to swallow! The brown pill was founded in 1999 by Sir Reginald Brownpill, who presents and narrates the attached video.
Forget red and blue pills, brown pills are the way of the future.
Video related. Please leave your questions, comments, and concerns below about this radical new paradisgm of thinking!
Swallow the brown pill today! Red pills are for fedora fucking wearing faggots, blue pills are for the ignorant masses. Ignore the other le epin /pol/ maymays, this one is the readl deal.
We shall burn the book of lies. We shall mock the god who dies.
Have you taken the brown pill yet, mateys?
it's a tough pill to swallow! The brown pill was founded in 1999 by Sir Reginald Brownpill, who presents and narrates the attached video.
Forget red and blue pills, brown pills are the way of the future.
Video related. Please leave your questions, comments, and concerns below about this radical new paradigm of thinking!
Swallow the brown pill today! Red pills are for fedora fucking wearing faggots, blue pills are for the ignorant masses. Ignore the other le epin /pol/ maymays, this one is the readl deal.5658585695
Liars Saved by Grace.
At the behest of the living God, I, Andrew, son of the prophet Artis, have been sent to you all. The things which God spoke in my ear for your sakes and the things which he commanded me to say are these.
You are, all of you, liars
who say “I am a sinner saved by grace” and you, all of you, who say “I am saved” profane the name of God and you call God himself a liar.
And you, all of you, who say, “It is impossible to be perfect,” lie and call Yahweh a liar.
For thus the Lord has said, “For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed” and “if the righteous turn away from his righteousness, and commit iniquity,and do according to all the abominations that the wicked man doeth, shall he live? All his righteousness that he hath done, shall not be mentioned: but in his transgression that he hath committed, and in his sin that he hath sinned, in them shall he die.”
With these lies do all who repeat them profane the name of God and cause the heathen to blaspheme. For with these lies you do, all of you, make poor excuse for rebellion, so that you may sin and sin and sin and sin again without repentance. And you say unto those who would judge you for your crimes, “I am forgiven for all my sins and made perfect by the grace of Christ in the sight of the father; the Lord does not hate me.” But, the Lord does hate you and he has not forgiven you at all, neither is the grace which God gives to any man everlasting; hypocrites! For you, all of you, do continue in sin.
“For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.”
And you rebel against and deny commandment to be perfect so that you may sin and sin and sin again with repentance. And you say to those who would judge you according to God’s law that sinlessness is neither required nor possible and with such wanton words you do continue in your transgressions. You liars cause the heathens to curse God for the hypocrisy of those who say they are his children. For even the sons of Satan do repent from time to time, but they say of God’s children “they are no better.” But this is what the Lord has said,
“Therefore thou son of man, say unto the children of thy people, The righteousness of the righteous shall not deliver him in the day of his transgression, nor the wickedness of the wicked shall cause him to fall therein, in the day that he returneth from his wickedness, neither shall the righteous live for his righteousness in the day that he sinneth.”
The Lord does not lie neither does he ever change, but you have heard the same thing in both testaments old and current as a testimony to you of God’s law and desire. Hear again what John has said,
“Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.” (Your pastors, your prophets, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and your sisters.)
Hear Paul,
“God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?”
Hear Christ,
“I pray not for these alone, but for them also which shall believe in me, through their word, That they all may be one, as thou, O Father, art in me, and I in thee: even that they may be also one in us, that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory that thou gavest me, I have given them, that they may be one, as we are one, I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them as thou hast loved me.”
And do you not know that Christ spoke much against all sin and condemned it and them who committed it? What then, do you imagine that Christ prayed for your perfection in vain? Is he a vain person whose prayers the Father hates or considers not? Why do you even call Christ a liar?
God is not a God who commands actions that cannot be accomplished and then punishes you for it. God is no trickster! Yea, all that God commands is possible to obey and if you cannot, shall you then not pray that he should help you?
Hypocrites. He who said, “Ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy” also commanded his Christ to command you, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Thus the Lord has said unto all men, even those who are called now “Christians” whom he has promised that they shall live if they believe in his name,
“When I shall say unto the righteous, that he shall surely live, if he trust to his own righteousness, and commit iniquity, all his righteousness shall be no more remembered, but for his iniquity that he hath committed, he shall die for the same.”
ebin
God called upon me
Sorry everyone, but I have been so busy doing God's work that I haven't been around to moderate. God called to me in a dream to quit my job and go on a mission. That's why I've spent the last few months waving cardboard signs at traffic like "Woe to the nation that doesn't love Israel!" and "Baptize ye children before Satan takes them!"
But when I was sleeping with the Holy Spirit, I had a dream of three sheep surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves. I knew it was God telling me to come back and protect his true church from the evil-doers. I have returned to sweep out the wicked.
I am here for my sheep again, and I will never forsake ye. I will compel the demons to possess sinners instead of you, so that the innocent will be spared. Trust your soul to Alexis and thy household will be saved. Ye can always trust Alexis. I love each and every one of ye.
Fill me with your ban seed, oh holy Jesus
Christfags kill yourself.
DEAD KIKE ON A STICK
DEAD KIKE ON A STICK
YLYL Thread (For Jesus)
I have never actually won a single one of these threads. Everytime I see that comically anthropomorphized banana holding his peel in a suggestive manner, likening the peel to clothes and his peel-less nature to human nudity, I bust up laughing. This happens every time, no matter where I am, be it the house or the bus or in class. Sometimes I laugh just thinking about it. This is a dark memory but a few months back I had just gotten done with a fit of laughter caused by one of these hilarious threads. Suddenly my mom walks in and she's crying. I attempted to suppress the growing urge to laugh but it was getting more difficult. Face red, tears running down her aging face, mom grabs my shoulders and says "Your father's dead."
It was at that moment that I couldn't hold back anymore. I burst into a banana-induced fit of laughter, but the horrible news drew tears to my eyes. I laughed while I cried, tears streaming down my wide open grin, memories of daddy resurfacing and being melded and combined with the naked banana.
I lost two things that night.
Got Questioms?
Got beef with God? Can't understand why some people are chosen and others aren't blessed? Did your best friend go to hell? Is evolution starting to make sense? Do you see contradictions in the bible? Did you ask your parents and your pastor for help, pray and check Christian websites, but are still no better off?
Well /atheism/ has good news for you: you may have finally come to the right place! Our team is full of qualified former Christians who are well-read on the bible and biblical scholarship, and we can answer many of your most difficult questions! Why accept that "God works in mysterious ways" as your pastor's best answer, when former Christians can interpret what the bible really meant?
Share your questions here, on spirituality of scriptures and prepare to be amazed when a qualified former Christian will appears to anwer them!
Atheism is full of former Christians that probably can find the answer. We even match >>>/christian/ 's and >>>/christ/ 's best answers for free! Unlike with other providers, your inquiring mind won't be censored for questioning the form or will of God. We are all rational professionals!
All you need to possess is a strong gut to take advantage of this incredible offer. Anyone is welcome to call for help since our business is not allowed to discriminate or deny services on the basis of origin or religious creed. Call right now and we'll throw in a second answer for free!
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>non-Catholics
>Christian
>
>>>>>>>>
LOOK WHAT THE DIRTY KIKES DID
Fuck the jews. Hitler did nothing wrong and the kikes should be gassed again Because they stole Palestine from the Palestinians.
Creating a Sticky, thread #1
I am creating this thread because I am preparing a sticky for Alexisis. I have seen a lot of the same threads cropping up on /onlychristian/ since its inception, and they have been reiterated so much that I fear this board will turn into the same few threads posted over and over and over. Furthermore, I see that the same arguments are being used in every thread and I know I find it tiresome to constantly retype the same thing over and over to explain something to a person who didn't see it last time or the time before that–or maybe they are new or an atheist and have a complete misunderstanding of doctrine. Whatever the case, I want to make a sticky thread with posts/explanations that people can just link to in other threads to shorten the debate and eradicate misconceptions. I'm sure anyone who has been here longer than a month knows what I'm talking about.I'll layout what we all Christians agree on.
Item #1
Am I Christian?
> We all agree on the Nicene Creed
> Except for those who follow the Apostles' Creed
> And except for those who believe in neither, but that are still Christians
Item #2
Which Church is True/The Best Church (for me)?
> Catholics are different than Protestants because they are the 1st and best church.
Item #3
I'm Atheist; Why Do You Believe in God?
Atheists are ill-informed losers who circle-jerk in >>>/atheism/ You’re not supposed to be here.
Item #4
I'm Not Christian; Why Do You Believe in Christianity?
God did 3 miracles for only the Catholic church and no other Christian church, to prove it's his only church. We can also rely on our feelings to know what church is right, just like how when you are looking at two cafes, trying to decide which to eat at, you can tell by your feelings which will have the best food.
Item #5
Christianity vs. Science
Catholics created science. The Catholic Church has always encouraged science, and anyone that tells you otherwise is an Atheist deserving death.
Item #6
Genesis and Biblical Literalism
Catholics are smarter than you think. No one but the Protestants takes Genesis literally, but then again they’re not completely Christians since they were led away from the true church by Martin Luther who was an unknowing pawn of the devil. Although it’s true the popes banned a couple books on learning including one of that explained the physics of our solar system, I know they had good reasons for that at the time. I’ve lived long enough to know that most Catholics definitely did not take Genesis literally for most of our history. Catholics are so much smarter than Protestants, we always have been, and sometimes I’m so smart I surprise myself, hohoho, next item.
How does everyone here feel about popes?
Pic related, a pope.
Does /onlychristian/ trusts God's choosen people?
hey that's great and all but check my 3
Pantsu
Is it a sin for men to wear panties for any reason?I ask because I sometimes do under my pajamas. It is kinda sexual in a way but it doesn't always have to be since they're comfortable and good if I just wanna relax and keep my groin area cozy. Not gay btw.
What is the quickest and/or most effective way to convert an unbeliever to the Word of the Lord?
death to /onlychristian/ francis ackbar
I DEMAND TO BR BANNEDMy demand will be met, for I am a demonic pope-worshipper from Rome. Now if you ban me, are you doing your job for free or are you negotiating with a terrorist?
Game on Alexis
Beware of devil speak
Friends, the devil is trying again to lead you to eternal damnation! I have discovered there are fake boards on this site, run by fake Christians. Don't be fooled, you can only trust me! If you knew me you would know I am a good Christian!>>>/christian/
>>>/jesus/
>>>/christ/
>>>/christianity/
>>>/roman/
>>>/mormon/
None of these boards is even Christian! Listen to me and you will know I am right! These boards exit because the devil is on 8chan with his followers and he will lead us astray from my version of the bible. Every other view is invalid! None of those boards are run by as good a Christian as me. Stay here and I will cover your furry sheep ears. You will be safe here. I will not let the devil speak.
im pagan what are you gonna do about it
Is Warhammer 40k heresy?
Prayer Requests
Do you need help? Do you want someone to pray for you or your loved one? Is your prayer just not reaching God? Leave your request here. Be as specific as you can, unless you need a miracle.May God bless you.
Last digit decides how many gods there are.
Temptation
Is this a joke? Why is that tab so close to /christian/ . . .How do Christians deal with 'temptations'? Specially when they seem to have no obvious negative consequences?
There are Christian Mexicans who make sense of the multitude of ancient Mesoamerican religions likening Quetzalcoatl to apostle Thomas.
TOP KEK
Your 10% for building paradise
Good news friends. We have turned away many wolves in the last two days, and are now have 10% as many officially recorded bans as the biggest fake christian board. I just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone of how hard I'm working to keep you safe. I know this still isn't a perfect hug box yet, and sometimes the wolves slip through, but I'll keep on banning, so keep on believing in me.When we pass 200 bans we might officially take back the title of the safest christian board on 8-chan. Until then remember that God always loves to be there, and He enjoys watching what you do on 8-chan through a hole in the ceiling. Always.
Board owner of /christian/ here.
Lol. 70 posts in 2 days. Impressive. I actually think this board is funny
So is this like actually a Christians-only board or is it really a Christian-themed shitposting board?
Because I can shitpost if you want.
Fedora General / Atheist
Given that barely a day after the other fedora general went into auto-sage half of the front page is trolls/fedoras, and I thought it would be a good idea to revive it to save our pure board from assholes.So, atheists/agnostics, direct your questions here. I know this thread is against the rules, but it'd be nice to contain the Atheists in one place to make mocking & banning them easier.
mods are asleep
post pagans
Giordano Bruno Did Nothing Wrong
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giordano_Bruno
Checkmate Christians.
Why must you mock us?
GOD BLESS 'MURRICA!
YEW ES AY! YEW ES AY! YEW ES AY!
KILL ALL FAGS AND JEWS!
Are Muslamics true Christians?
He is one of their Prophets
I don't believe in your rules maaaaaaaaaaaan.
>worshiping a god
>not pony sun princess
You dun goofed.
This is actually a pretty terrible attempt at parody. Did your mom put you to bed early because you didn't praise Jesus or something?
Gays
AM I JEEBUS ENOUGH YET