/philosophy/ - Philosophy

Explicit fears are caused by things that happened in one's past.

I for one fear to be mocked and be made fun of by people. This is because I was mocked and made fun of almost every day for 4 years straight. It made be nervous and anxious around classes. Why only classes, and not people that I pass by on the way to school or home? Why not by my very own family? Because It was classes that made fun of me. Because I fear only what made me fear.

>>268
Though I do not know the exact definition of a trauma, I feel like my situation is very close to one. The reason why I was made fun of is because I never retorted. I laughed with them about me. I was devote, and let people be dominant over me. I wasn't able to maintain eye contact, and never had a full conversation with someone. I didn't observe things with my own mind. I developed a new mind during school. A new me. The only thing I had in mind was how others might think of me. I didn't want people to see me alone during breaks, but I always was. I didn't want people to think I had no friends, even though it was true. I always looked for a way to hide from people. And if people that I knew passed by me, I hoped they wouldn't talk to me. That they wouldn't hurt me verbally.

>>269
Today I am still in a class, but not in highschool. I try to keep calm by meditating. I try to always think with my own mind, and to maintain dominance and strength. I once heard someone talk about a girl that committed suicide because she was bullied at school, saying that only the strong survive, and the weak have it coming, which made me think.

>>270
People in my current class are making fun of a guy sitting next to me. He is a bit delusional, always stating his opinions in a very obscene way. A very judgemental person, too, so not the same as I was back then. It started with a guy trying to sound tough around his crush, so he started mocking him with phrases like "[person's name] is stupid", repeating it over and over, just like a child in Kindergarten would. He'd always wait for perfect moments, and make sure that he heard. He knew that it must be a torture to him, and he still continued. His crush tried to stop him from doing so at first, but soon she just laughed about it. Soon, almost the whole class started making fun of him, because he didn't retort. They would always whisper his name to others, making sure that he heard that they were talking about him.

>>271
I often hear the poor victim talk to himself, stating that life is gruesome. He never talked like this before the class started making fun of him, which lets me suggest that his current predicament is really weighting him down, just because someone wanted to have a better chance with a girl.

>>272
Part of me can't understand how he could feel much less worthy to live, just because of dull, childish insults like that. Is it really just because he is weak? What would I do if I was in his situation? How could I make myself seem dominant and strong?

>>273
The people actively 'torturing' him obviously know that they are having a huge impact on his psyche. When he talks about life in a negative way, some would go as far to say "then kill yourself". I know that there is some remorse in them when they say it, but they laugh it off. All of them seem to have remorse when they make fun of him. One of them tried to defend him by pushing someone to the side, saying they shouldn't be talking like that, even though he is involved in the systematic torture himself.

>>274
Is it an instinct? It must be. Subconsciously feeling bad about their own actions, it must be an instinct, telling them to be dominant towards the weak. Just like animals, showing their strength amongst their very own companions.

>>275
At the beginning of the year, one guy very obviously had the goal to be one of the more louder students. Alexander. He would always ask useless stuff, and answer questions by teachers in a very loud way, trying to be funny about it to have other students laugh about it. Another student, Marvin, was very quiet at first. But after only 3 weeks, he got louder and louder, and started insulting Alexander, seemingly to throw him off of his reputation as the class clown.
At first, they insulted each other, but after some time, they became friends.

>>276
Did they become friends because they are scared of each other? Did they realize that both have the same level of confidence and dominance? Just like animals?

>>277
Until now, I always tried to keep an open, reasonable, balanced and empty-headed mind when in school, but I can't help but still have some level of fear, deep inside me. I could eliminate that fear by appearing like a brute to everyone else, in order to make a stance, to make them know that I am a potential threat. But that would be a huge contradiction to my beliefs.
I am very actively partaking in class. I am a good, fast learning student. I show respect to most other students. None of them ever tried to make fun of me yet. Some even respect me, even though I never show dominance.

All the text above this post was prewritten. I have a folder with my train of thoughts on some subjects written down just like this, so it's not like this subject is particulary interesting for me.

So, what are your opinions on this? What do you think is the perfect way to deal with such a predicament?

Is there something in my text that you find very delusional?

There are two things that leap to my mind.

For one, it's all about the desire for recognition. I think that what you are refering to as weakness is a necessity, a dependence on the judgement or attention of others. There is certainly fear involved, especially if verbal or physcal retalliation doesn't come naturally. One would force oneself into a portraied character from then on, which might well protect, but at the cost of estranging.

Personally, I have never been bullied, despite being an ideal target for it. This might be because I'm lucky, but it might also be because I, in my unorthodoxy, am fairly confident. This, in turn, comes from a very asicial streak of mine. If people have fundamental disagreements with my principles, if they do things I cannot stand behind myself, I have little problem outright dismissing them. I could do this with everyone, because I don't feel the need for social acceptance. Fear, I'd say, comes in the fear of isolation and loneliness. If you dislike the prospect of being isolated, you dislike the prospect of other people isolating you. And when they do, you can't react at all, because the act of trying to isolate you is still better than actually being completely isolated. The fear, it seems to me, stems not from the bullying, but from the possible reaction to it. It's essentialy herd mentality. Most people rather take a collective beating than standing strong on their own.

The only way to get out of it is to either not give a damn about recognition and speak your mind, harden yourself to the degree of fatalism (there is danger of suicidal thoughts even here), or completely and utterly give in, either humourously or desperately. Considering how the world works and how many decent people there are, the first option should by far seem to be the most preferable.

I sincerely doubt it's an instinct. It is certainly collectivist thinking, the notion of strength in numbers, or the trivial "if I do it to someone else, nobody will do it to me" thought process. But it is primarily cowardice, and I'd venture that it's the cowardice of loneliness.
The fact that two loudmouths became friends is not particularly indicative of animalistic instict either. They could've ended up as rivals, gaining strengh thought their rivalry (this too is 'natural'). But outspoken people tend to portray more of their character than others do, and so people who enjoy the company of such people know who to flock towards.

Not sure I fully understood your question, but those are my spontaneous thoughts on the matter. Bullying is not instinctual, but herd mentality is, and forming groups around the concept of dislike or even hate is the easiest way to form reliable and dominant groups. Just my 25 cents.

Yeah… I wasn't exactly bullied as such. During highschool people sometimes called me ugly and laughed at me or just ignored me. Ever since I've had this habit of bullying people online to get attention, I'm not ashamed to say that. Any attention for me is bliss.

>>270
>I try to keep calm by meditating. I try to always think with my own mind, and to maintain dominance and strength
You've missed the point of meditation. It's not to fortify your ego in ways you like, it's to dissolve your ego, to learn to forget about things such as being good enough or not good enough, to stop your mind from wandering and from becoming occupied by or locked on definitions or obsessions. For example, your mind recognizes "class" as something to fear, despite a class not being anything other than a certain amount of people in a certain context. That idea of "class," be it conscious or subconscious, is an example of being caught up on definitions, or obsessions, or ego. The purpose of meditation is to learn not to let your mind get caught up with those. "The strong" and "the weak" are also examples, or thinking you're weak or strong, of thinking others are, of thinking about what you deserve or not because of it.