>avoid being immediately branded as racist, extremist, etc?
Don't avoid that. If you're saying something reasonable, and they respond by calling you "racist", which is an unreasonable non-argument, then you respond by calling them anti-white. If they can't engage your ideas calmly and rationally, then that's all they are: anti-white.
If they deny being anti-white then they have to engage your ideas. If they don't honestly engage your ideas then you must persist in pointing out their anti-whiteism. If they agree to being anti-white, then there's nothing for you and them to discuss, because they have embraced your destruction openly.
Once someone admits that they want you to have no future/dead, which is what it means for someone to be anti-white, then there is no more discussion. You must elevate things to this level. This is the same strategy employed by Stefan Molyneux to force people to show their true colors with his "against me" argument, which goes like this:
>Government always escalates violently in response to disobedience.
>If you want the government to force me to do something then you're saying you want me dead if I don't do what you want
>Do you want me dead for disagreeing with you?
This is extremely shocking to be on the receiving end of (I used it when I was libertarian), and if someone close to you essentially tells you they want you dead by accepting the label of anti-white, then fuck them. You are completely righteous in denouncing them; in fact if you don't denounce them and cut ties you're a fucking cuck and they will see you as such. Anyone who tells you they want you dead is not worth having in your life, and you have no reason to regret their departure from it.
So the next time you get to the point in a conversation where the other person will neither engage your ideas, nor accept the label of anti-white, you must explain that either they want you and your people to have a future of self-determination, or they want you dead, and then demand that they explain which position they hold. If they refuse to pick, then they are anti-white, because if they were pro-white they would simply accept that whites should be able to determine their own future separate from other races. Accept nothing less than a pro-white answer if they are to continue being a part of your life. NOTHING LESS THAN PRO-WHITE. Anything less is the position of the (((enemy))). Permit ZERO wavering on the issue of white rights to live free of other races. It's non-negotiable.
Because this is the tenacity with which the charges of various "ists", "isms", and "phobias" are being hoisted upon you, and you HAVE to have as strong a position as them to effectively counter.