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File: fb4101b7d2a8f8b⋯.jpg (180.63 KB, 428x640, 107:160, 4634225981_f0512b20ee_z.jpg)

 No.2155

So it's been 8 years since I graduated elementary school, and yet I still have dreams about that time.

I was around so many interesting kids back then, and I was the least athletic and artistic of them all. Needless to say they thought I was the lamest and I was bullied. Nowadays when I look at their facebook profiles and photos and compare their lives at the time of the photos and my own life at the same time one thought comes into my mind: what the fuck did I do during my adolescence?

I of course know the answer: play vidya and be alone. Make no mistake, the bullying stopped after 2 years since I left elementary (so 6 years ago) and I've been well-adjusted ever since. Life has been easy and pleasant and not at all demanding.

Literally all my wishes when I was 14 were granted: my commute to school has never been more than 20 minutes in low traffic, lived in good places, well respected and not bothered by anyone, money is more than enough, got into a good university.

Yet at the core I'm still that kid from elementary school: no creative ability whatsoever, absolutely zero friends (Can't even remember the last time I hung out socially), stay inside all day

 No.2156

File: bd70710ea587973⋯.jpg (83.22 KB, 698x400, 349:200, maslow.jpg)

>>2155

(continued)

Days go by like minutes: I awake then I go to sleep. I have no obligations except to study, eat, sleep, defecate and breathe. I think many of us here are at most, at level 2 of the maslow pyramid.

My life feels so empty and selfish. What's the point if I just study and play vidya? Is this how the rest of my life is going to be like? Mild obligations with decent comfort but absolutely devoid of meaning? When I'm 30 will I get home from work and just play vidya and eat at restaurants alone at weekends? Will I still get 3 phone calls per week and all of those would be from my mother????

Things have gotten worse as my life continues in this mundane and easy trajectory: I now regularly have dreams regarding my loneliness, lack of friends, my last year of elementary. When I drive alone in my car this subject always comes to mind, ALWAYS. Everything feels hollow and pointless because I have no one to share it with or to talk about my life with IRL. I feel so insignificant and alone, and everything in my life is so pointless.

When I was being bullied, when my life was hard I dreamed of living like this. But when I wished all those wishes in my heart, for a car, for a decent allowance, for people to just leave me the fuck alone, for health, I forgot to wish for one extremely important thing:

To not be lonely.

Sorry for the tl;dr, feel free to call me ungrateful or incoherent.


 No.2160

I too have zero friends and live indoors, and constantly dream about being a kid back in school, a time when I still had friends. Unfortunately I can't drive, I'm not in education/employment, and I'm certainly not well-adjusted, so you can at least keep in mind you've got those things going for you.


 No.2161

I can only say, at your age I halso had thoughts of "what the hell have I done during my teenage?". I was obsessed with the idea of having wasted lots of time and opportunities.

But a couple years later it all went away. Believe me, it will for you too, so you could as well giving up that unproductive thought right now.


 No.2163

I still dream about elementary school too, specifically 6-8th grade. I think it's because It was an incredibly traumatic time for me, I was bullied severely and constantly, it felt as though everyone hated me. So when I dream about it, it's always along there's lines. It feels as though there's a constant air of hostility and malice emanating from those around me and I feel scared.

Then again, I also still dream about high school as well. A more likely reason is because I'm a shut in who hasn't done anything at all in life since graduating several years ago. With no new memories to replace the old ones, my mind is drawing on all it knows.

>>2156

You aren't ungrateful or incoherent anon. Just because there are starving kids in Africa doesn't mean that your feelings and experiences aren't valid. A life devoid of meaning is a hard life to live.




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