[ / / / / / / / / / ] [ dir / asmr / fur / htg / hwndu / newbrit / v9k / vore / wai ]

/qq/ - Personal Issues

(We'll help you) deal with it


Comment *
* = required field[▶ Show post options & limits]
Confused? See the FAQ.
(replaces files and can be used instead)
Password (For file and post deletion.)

Allowed file types:jpg, jpeg, gif, png, webm, mp4, swf, pdf
Max filesize is 12 MB.
Max image dimensions are 10000 x 10000.
You may upload 5 per post.

File: f71237e6dc00634⋯.gif (92.21 KB, 300x200, 3:2, wrinkles.gif)


My mind is really fucking with me right now and I can barely explain it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like there's voices in my head but they're really vague and far off and barely noticeable. They aren't auditory hallucinations, I'm not hearing anything that isn't there, it's just like, mental disturbances, intrusive thoughts which enter without my consent. They don't effect my actions or anything I do or anything. Fuck this is difficult to explain. Like every now and then when I'll be working on my computer, I'll get these faint and far off voices, like the usual voice inside your head when you read something or think something to yourself, but just doing it by itself.

It's fucking with me real hard.

Some background on my mental health:

I'm super stressed out, all the time. And it's been that way since I started high school. I was always depressive and anxious and I know now it's because of all of that. A year after I graduated, I finally gave in to my mother's advice and let her take me to a psychiatrist which went exactly how I expected it to. He diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and general anxiety which I suspected was complete bullshit. I took 3 different SRIs and had enough of it after 6 months and stopped going. My mother has always known about my mental health tendencies and deals with the same depressive personality, so she told me that people "like us" don't really have a feel for what's psychologically normal, and I somewhat believe her, but I don't know why my mom and these doctors keep trying to convince me that I have a mental disorder, maybe if all these depressive people would stop carrying around their depression and anxiety around like it's part of their identity and who they are it might lessen their symptoms and allow them to move towards some sort of catharsis or something, I don't know. But I know my problems are because of the stress of constant change all of my recent life. I've always had to move from place to place and start over, I've never gotten used to one place. Always going job to job and having to readapt constantly, whether it's due to moving or life just hitting me with bullshit and having to deal with it. It's always messed with me somehow.

This sort of thing has happened before, which was what the final straw that made me see a psych in the first place. At one full time job, I felt mentally disturbed all the time, no other way to explain it, just disturbed. Since I didn't have a car, I would walk everywhere, but never more than a two mile walk or else I would just feel..weird. I would come home and just feel so fucking strange that I would just stop going there. The gym for example. One night, I had to walk all the way home from work, and the entire way home I felt so fucking bizarre the entire time. My own neighborhood seemed so out of place and weirdly unfamiliar and foreign, in such a way that made me feel disturbed. When I finally got home and entered my garage, I felt like I'd never been there before, my family seemed like strangers, like I was entering the home of a stranger in a place I'd never been. Note, that's just how I felt, I was perfectly lucid and still am. I was just so surreal, I felt almost detached and disassociated with myself and my surroundings. It was frightening. I remember feeling so distressed that I straight up prayed to God and I never had such disturbances since. Never knew what to make of that.

But now it's happening again, not full blown like in that story, but it's fucking with me a lot. Schizophrenia was always my fear since then. To myself, I'm an intelligent person, and to others as well, not that I'm boasting or better than anyone else, I'm simply saying that I can make use of myself to myself and that makes things easier for me and I don't want to lose that.

Please tell me that it's just compounding stress that's causing these disturbances.



Now, I am not a psychiatrist, but I know a lot of perfectly healthy people hear voices or have intrusive thoughts. It may be exacerbated by the stress you mentioned.

I myself remember worrying about intrusive thoughts and occasionally experiencing auditory hallucinations. I would sometimes imagine socially unacceptable or violent things and feeling awful about it ("I need to stop thinking of these things"). But of course, the more pressure against it only makes it stronger. I accepted that it was normal a long time ago and now I am able to recognize intrusive thoughts and feel no shame. Auditory hallucinations also disappeared.

Anxiety shows itself in many different ways and it seems that is what you are experiencing due to higher stress levels.

By the way, what is it specifically that is stressing you out?


YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts. Some people have intrusive thoughts for longer periods of time and with a much higher frequency than others. It's your brain's way of testing the boundaries that have been set upon you (by yourself, society, your peers, etc). You've trained your brain to witness the unpleasant things you've imagined and react to them in a specific manner. The brain will continue to bring you these thoughts because 1) some aspect of your being acknowledges that your reaction to these things is good, and you want to feel good, so you will produce these things in your mind in order to force that proper reaction, and 2) because you continuously acknowledge and react to the images or sounds as they appear.

In short, I would suggest meditation. Learn to hone your attention, and let your brain run wild with all the crazy ideas and thoughts that it manages to create. Acknowledge the sanity, and then let it go.

Just try it. Sit in a comfortable chair, or you can lay down. Close your eyes and try to focus all your attention on your breathing for as long as possible. Eventually, you'll lose your concentration and notice all the chaos inside your mind. This is fine. Acknowledge the insanity, then return your attention back to your breathing, and simply do this every time you lose concentration. Do this for 10 to 15 minutes at a time and once a day. Then, increase your time spent in accordance with how much time you have to dedicate to this mental exercise, but don't neglect it.


File: fe0a0bfb4177841⋯.pdf (944.36 KB, DMSMH.PDF)


Assuming you're healthy and you don't have some mass pressing against your brain, or blood pressure/sugar disorder, or iron deficiency, or pleural effusion, etc, I'll post a theory of mind that seems most accurate. It's the basis of what scientology used to be. They're a cult run by CIA now.

Whenever we lose consciousness, due to stress or whatever, everything in these moments is recorded in the unconscious part of the mind. When remotely similar stimuli are encountered, the unconscious mind begins to take over and we lose consciousness once again. The more stimulation that is received the more that moment is relived. Every sense and thought is brought back. Supposedly a stupid ancient survival mechanism if you believe any of that darwinian bullshit. Whenever these moments are brought back, it attempts to occupy the strongest character possible at the moment, the basis of generational child abuse and other stuff.

The proposed fix was to consciously relive these moments. Hence dianetics being known as a regression therapy or whatever. Stimulating these memories, while conscious, moves them into harmless ordinary memory, as the theory goes. They're relived until they're nothing but ordinary memory that produces no disturbance whatsoever. They call this clearing.

It worked well enough doing this by myself for all the dogshit that just kept hounding me. It felt awful, but nobody yells at me when I'm doing homework anymore.

They say you need a partner, called the auditor, to guide you through it. I have fuck all to talk to. I'm beginning to suspect it's true for stuff that requires a sort of trance to get at. I've never experienced the regression trance they speak of for myself, so I don't know if it's bullshit. It's just that I'm rid of everything obvious that I can remember in my childhood, but there's this fucking feeling I can't shake and it's crippled me. There's more back there from when I was still crawling around, but I haven't found a way to get at it except in the most superficial and blurry images.

Supposedly the most harm is done at the earliest times in our lives. I'm beginning to think that is true, too, as my whole weekend has been storm clouds after somebody's post sent me back to the fire ants. I feel like I'm dying again. I can't get out. I don't want to get out, I want to get through it, but I can't bring more of it to the surface. I'm mad for love but nobody loves me and I can't love anyone.

[Return][Go to top][Catalog][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ / / / / / / / / / ] [ dir / asmr / fur / htg / hwndu / newbrit / v9k / vore / wai ]