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/r9k/ - ROBOT∞

Looks like neck beard heaven. It was a little dark.

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imgur.com/QafrHvR IRC IS LOTS OF FUN AND FILLED WITH FUN PEOPLE imgur.com/QafrHvR

File: 1456191634091.jpg (25.93 KB, 401x355, 401:355, _20160223_024015.JPG)

 No.111393

Since every second post here is a greentext why don't we have a nice old story thread. OC here.

Yeah story time.

>Be me.

>Work gulag job in concentration camp called call center.

>Every 20th of the month we have to write in our shifts for the next month.

>In order to do that we have to log in with our username and password in a calendar software thing.

>username are usually the first three letters of your name and then your last name.

>password is your employee number which consists of five numbers.

>There is a list where all the employeer numbers are written on.

>Working there for several weeks, five days a week and sometimes saturdays.

>10 hours per day.

>Have to call customers and ask them if they are happy with their internet or if they want to improve it for less money.

>Selling shitty internet plans and shit.

>Out of boredom do shit like introduce myself as "Hello [customer name] I'm CIA."

>One day I have to call typical Chad.

>He said that he doesn't need faster internet his instagram, snapchat, facebook are fast enough when he's on the run.

>Explain him that I'm talking of home internet connection and not mobile phone internet connection.

>He gets angry and tells me that he won't buy shit from me.

>Dontgiveashit.webm

>Start making the normies get out beatbox the annoy him and hang off without letting him answer.

>Hear co-worker say "anon you're fucked".

>Look over to supervisor desk.

>They were making quality inspection with one of the companies we sell shit for.

>Supervisor just shakes head and guy from mother company points towards me and is wondering if it was me.

>THEY WERE LISTENING THE WHOLE TIME.

>I am so fucked.

>It's lunchtime

>Everyone heads to the break room.

>Me, sitting there and struggling in fear.

>Get called in supervisor office.

>ANON YOU DON'T SELL ENOUGH, HARASS THE CUSTOMER AND NOW YOU MAKE US LOOK SHIT IN FRONT OF OUR CONTRACTOR.

>Tells me I can work here just for another three days and then I'm fired.

>Last day there.

>Since it's my last day I can behave like shit and still will get paid.

>I won't see these retards anymore.

>Thinking about on hitting that cute girl from the reception, I sometimes talk with.

>Don't want to be always a virgim

>A cute auburn haired 8/10 called Sophie.

>Last chance.

>Come from toilet after taking a big pee pee pee hi hi hi.

>See her and take the same elevator with her.

>Start talking with her and make some jokes about co-workers.

>We start laughing and she wants to hide her laugh and looks down, because how shy she is.

>Suddenly she seems to be extremly distracted while I keep laughing.

>She just points her finger in direction of my trousers and leaves suddenly the elevator.

>What's the matter.

>Look down and see it.

>Do you know these old fashioned underpants which are open in the front and you have to close them with buttons.

>Apparently I was wearing one of them and in addition to that I forgot to zip up my trousers.

>The things was, my trousers and underpants were open and basically my glans was hanging out.

>Totally sperg out.

>AutismSpectrumHigh.xls

>Get back to work and try to avoid the shame.

>Get annoying indian customer in line and make fun of his accent.

>Ask how Indian space program is advancing and if they have toilets on the space shuttles.

>Tyrone-like guy behind me hears all of this and says outloud "Well anon, instead of making fun of customer why don't you show him your dick like you always do".

>YOUFUCKINGASSHOLE.ogg

>Everyone is laughing even Sophie.

>Some days later, after being sacked.

>Still angry at that fucking asshole.

>Make revenge plan.

>Remember that I have still list of employees and their numbers.

>Log in to that asshole's account.

>Proxy and shit

>Start messing with his plan and add shifts.

>He has now to work 72 hours from Monday to Saturday.

>I deleted the dates where he filled in holidays.

>Keep doing that shit for some time.

>One day get a call from former chef.

>Ask if it's me who alters the shifts of his employee.

>No it wasn't me.

>Keep changing dates.

>mfw

 No.111402

File: 1456193556666.png (4.31 KB, 400x400, 1:1, green-meem-guy.png)

>go to chinese restaurant

>mexicans everywhere

>mfw


 No.111403

File: 1456193950366.png (11.48 KB, 470x469, 470:469, 1316815680751.png)

>this one time I sat in my room and did nothing

>for ten years

>at least I didn't have to suffer temporary social awkwardness


 No.111409

>second year of college (i ended up dropping out lmao)

>living with some grandparents, they're total normalfags, the dude is on pension so they're home all the time pretty much

>live that robot life, playing demon's souls in their basement because i didn't have a tv

>woman comes down, asks me why i don't have out with my friends

>pretty much fucking cornered so i just say we just do stuff together on the internet (we dont)

>they fall asleep early and there's a bathroom right beside their bedroom, which is across the hall from my room

>basically while im up late playing vidya i don't want to get kicked out for waking them up so i rock them pissbottles

for those of you who have pissbottled, you know that shit can be noisy. i had a housemate who was also renting and his room was beside mine. cool dude but i was worried he would hear me. anyways

>a lot of the time i get no-name beans+pork w/ molasses and just eat that shit cold out the can and leave the cans in my room as well as cereal bowls

>this plus dirty laundry and deviancy means my room smells stagnant

>doesn't help i have pissbottles hidden somewhere in the room and a couple cum rags in the garbage

>the grandmother comments on my habits after i come back from class, realize she did some rudimentary cleaning

>getting into gay shit, have money to spend and on a whim i buy a couple dildos, a fishnet bodystocking, panties and vibrator

>it arrives in the morning before i have to go to class, so fucking hype i just check out the shipment before i leave for class and put box under bed

>come back from class and blow loads, legit never been hotter

>in the afterglow i think about the box under the bed

>not totally sure it was the same as I left it, can't be sure

>X weeks of blowing loads, being a recluse, smoking weed by climbing out my window and sitting on the roof, dodging interaction as much as i can and being a fuckup, semester is coming to an end

>they tell me they aren't doing accommodation next year

>the grandmother can't maintain eye contact with me and says "i cant do this anymore"

>dont think much of it at the time and end up parting ways

sometimes i like to just wonder what she found in my room. I'm sure all my regular behavior was strange enough but if she found that box and looked inside…

as a side note she was an "italian" and liked to cook. when i first met her she asked me if there was anything i didn't like to eat and I seriously said "mushrooms and raw tomatoes". She just looked at me like she was waiting for a punchline.


 No.111417

>>111409

>when i first met her she asked me if there was anything i didn't like to eat and I seriously said "mushrooms and raw tomatoes". She just looked at me like she was waiting for a punchline.

FUCKING NORMALFAGS

REEEE


 No.111425

>>111393

Well done.

Take note chaps. Make normalfags as miserable as possible. Always.


 No.111446

File: 1456207981590.png (15.47 KB, 80x80, 1:1, ByYM4NsCYAEcGgF.png)

I'm getting unoriginal content with this post even though I haven't posted this story before. Maybe this sentence at the start will fix it

>working in some self-service printing shop on a university campus

>my only responsibilities are to help customers with printing issues and sign new members up

>average day but this one guy has been snickering at his computer for 20 minutes now

>finally prints something out on A3 paper, looks at it and says "nice" loud enough to draw the attention of the room

>walks up to me and slaps his printout on the counter saying "check it out"

>I look down to see Uncle Sam with a big fucking trollface shopped over it

>"I want you to join my club"

>I had no reaction because it was fucking 2012

>when I look up I see him trying his best to make a troll face

>I mutter "cool" in an attempt to break the awkward silence

>his face is just stuck in that pose, turning cherry red as he realises how much of a fucking retard he is

The next day I saw those posters plastered all over the campus


 No.111471

>>111393

>normie

fuck off leddit.


 No.111511

File: 1456236129461.jpg (21.21 KB, 255x251, 255:251, 1435390617929.jpg)

>>111402

>Go to mexican restaurant

>full of asians

I shit you not with this.


 No.111514

>>111471

Well, we once used to say normie and now that reddit says it we say suddenly normalfag. They must have a lot of power here.


 No.111524

>>111511

If you think about it it makes sense,

they know what gets served in their restaurants.


 No.111550

>>111524

>If you think about it it makes sense

Explain in detail.


 No.111562

File: 1456255879667.png (317.25 KB, 1468x878, 734:439, citadel_panorama_2116_colo….png)

> be 7

> bored at recess

> invent "whos" and "lice" as microscopic creatures at war

> imagine twigs as battlecruisers, trees and rocks as massive cities

> imagine school as massive louse fortress

> whos are basically humans, lice are basically grey-skinned clones

> characters, Peter and Emily Green

> in 5th grade, whos finally blow up louse fortress, and flee to my middle school

> same thing

> peter and emily have children, orion and cassiopeia

> after middle school, peter and emily die escaping the superfortress in a giant air battle

> whos wander to a giant tree-city outside my house

> orion takes it from the corrupt leaders and prepares it for war

> imagine snowfall as invasion of thousands of louse ships

> vacations become quests by the whos to discover ancient secrets

> lots of characters live and die, story stretches over 40 years

> i am 21 now, and I still imagine this story sometimes, when I go for walks late at night

> about a year ago I was walking through a college I was volunteering at, and imagined a battle I'd been building up to for months

> started writing story

> 300,000 words after a year of writing

> huge outline and blog

> way more detail than I can express in one post, like there is a 30 page outline of this and a 531 page novel in huge fragments as I try to link the different parts of the story together from over 13 years of my life

> one of the only things i have left from my childhood.


 No.111583

>be 7

>soccer meet

>bored, pulling rocks out of the ground

>they make nice holes

>coach: "anon your turn to play"

i just wanted to pull rocks out of the ground


 No.111600

>>111583

kek

you should have thrown a rock at them.


 No.111637

bumping a halfway decent thread that died too young


 No.111644

>>111562

That's pretty cool anon. I did something similar as a child, only instead I had ants as the central race. When it first began, the ants were small tribes fighting for survival in an extremely hostile world (there would be yearly ice ages whenever it snowed, along with having to deal with things like centipedes, wasps, and spiders). As I got older and the storyline progressed, the tribes became united into smaller kingdoms, which eventually grew more advanced technologically. As time went on, there began to be more and more science fiction and fantasy elements, complete with interdimensional portals and alien invasions. Around middle school some kid whose name I can't even remember found out about my autistic story and made fun of me for it, so I decided to end it by having a last apocalyptic battle between the protagonist and the eternal villain. I still think of it sometimes, though. Wish I had written it down like you had, most of the story is lost to me now.


 No.111645

>>111600

nah i just kept the sharp ones in my pocket so i could shove them back in the ground and pull them back out

shit felt so good i dont know why


 No.111667

Well here's a middle school revenge story

>be me, last year of junior high school

>class trip to Quebec because French class

>on plane there, sit next to 8/10

>bitch won't stop playing some boy band song on repeat (worse than fucking Bieber)

>during the trip, still that's what the girls play on the bus rides

>see bus driver taking swigs of whatever he was bidding in his metal water bottle (can smell the alcohol when we got on and off)

>can't stand it anymore

>start banging my head against window to make it stop

>last day before the night flight

>go to underground mall

>get idea

>go into adult store and buy a blue bullet

>keep in bag till airport

>tell 8/10 girl her carry on bag was unzipped

>put vibratory in backpack..

>..still on

>we start to go through security and her bag is visibly shaking on the belt

>security grabs her bag and takes out the dillon

>he snickers while his coworker bursts out laughing

>we all laugh

don't fuck with my trip

still hear that story about her even now

But I still don't know why they would let a undergraduate buy a dildo


 No.111669

>>111667

Autocorrect stop wrecking my greentext stories…


 No.111778

File: 1456339208298.png (135.76 KB, 752x706, 376:353, approaching_casa_novak_pix….png)

>>111644

> Around middle school some kid whose name I can't even remember found out about my autistic story and made fun of me for it

That's why I never told anyone. I considered telling a qt I knew who I was friends with but never did. I think I tried to tell my mother about it when I was 8 but she just kinda smiled along.

If you ever write it out you should definitely include some weird cut to the kid making fun of you, then the apocalypse happening. If you could reallly subtly allude to that in your writing and make people have to think about it to figure out what was actually going on (like maybe some distant giant shouting at the characters, and they can only make out fragments of what he's saying) I think it'd be a brilliant book.

At least it had a happy ending, right? I have no idea if mine will ever end. Life is too long of a story in some ways.


 No.111830

>>111778

That's a pretty cool idea! It would be an interesting twist to have the whole thing being controlled by some distant figure who then decides to end the world for the characters on the basis of being embarrassed by them. I might write it all out one day, even if it would only be for me. Thanks for the idea.


 No.111973

>be me

>10 years old

>find an old shot glass in the cabinet

>piss in it and give it to my mom as a present

why


 No.112010

fuck dude sounds like tyrone wanted his own personal time with those glans

shoulda called him out and unbuttoned. what did you really have to lose at that point?


 No.112012

>>111667

is it still pedophilia if an underage wants to diddle himself?


 No.112016

File: 1456438421081.jpg (901.35 KB, 1271x1708, 1271:1708, took me 2 minues.jpg)

>>111446

It took him 20 minutes to do this?


 No.112038

>>111562

Please post it anon I would read it.


 No.112200

File: 1456507317333.png (258.63 KB, 1529x1177, 139:107, approaching_sarengarth_col….png)

>>111973

That's hilarious. What was her reaction.

>>111830

You should. Can you give a greentext of the events as best you can remember them? I feel like you could do this in under 100k words if you were more economical with writing than I was.

> It would be an interesting twist to have the whole thing being controlled by some distant figure who then decides to end the world for the characters on the basis of being embarrassed by them

Something deep down makes me really want this. This is the kind of tragedy that makes literature in my mind.


 No.112203

File: 1456507994503.png (57.44 KB, 1620x1209, 540:403, emily_rpg_colored.png)

>>112038

Sure thing. Problem is, it's not really in a readable state right now, and about half of it hasn't even been edited. It's also very fragmented; there are random isolated scenes I haven't connected.

http://8ch.net/library/res/31.html#54

I can give you a TLDR summary of the story if you want: http://thestoryofthewhos.tumblr.com/intro

There's really no way to summarize it quickly.


 No.112250

>>111393

>>111402

>>111403

>>111446

>>111511

>>111562

>>111778

>>112016

>>112200

>>112203

You just love doing this, don't you? You just love going through your seven thousand files of smug anime girls, quoting my post, and taking your sweet ass time deciding which one is the most suited, carefully handpicking what "reaction image" is the most "EPIC" for this post. I bet you have this thread on a tab, hastily clicking on it when it notifies you that a new comment has appeared. You think you're so smart and smug, but in reality you have absolutely no control over yourself. Posting your pathetic "reaction images" is too important for you. In fact, I bet you even loaded them before you saw this post appear.

It's truly sad that none of you actually bothered to read what I wrote, let alone attempt to argue it. I don't know if it's because you can't read, or if you have read it, but can't come up with a proper rebuttal, because you know what I said is true, you know I'm right. What are you going to do? Reply to me again? Attempt to get me "BTFO"? Keep trying, because I really don't care. All I care about is getting the truth out there, which I've already done numerous times, and not once has any of you attempted to write a proper rebuttal, because it's impossible for you to do so.


 No.112278

>>112203

Okay thanks I will read the story and tell you how I liked it.


 No.112367

File: 1456551033431.jpg (55.74 KB, 357x455, 51:65, woodlouse spiders.jpg)

>>112200

Well, it's hard for me to exactly remember, in part because I was never too interested in the individual stories of any specific ant (except the protagonist), but in the overall history of the civilization (and the giant battles). But it's something like this:

>After a hard ice age (winter), a small ant colony began to form. They were terrorized by a gang of woodlouse spiders (pic related), but eventually they managed to muster up support from neighboring ant colonies and as a group they defeated the spiders.

>Spiders, centipedes, etc. in the mythology of these ant tribes are horrific demons created by their equivalent to Satan. They make defeating them a holy duty.

>After defeating the woodlouse spiders, the ant tribes form a small city, being lead by the protagonist (called David for some reason).

>They begin to domesticate harmless insects (pillbugs and beetles, for example) and use them as work or war animals.

>Over time their city grows and they gain more influence over the surrounding area.

>At some point, David goes on a quest, which details are greatly lost to me, but in the quest he is granted a form of immortality–every time he dies, he will be reincarnated as the next ruler of the Ant Kingdom, so long as the Ant Kingdom remains a functional civilization.

>Unfortunately, as a cost for this gift, a distant being unknown to him will be granted a similar form of immortality, but will be in constant despair and turmoil so long as the Ant Kingdom remains a civilization.

>Thus this other being dedicates his life to the destruction of the Ant Kingdom.

>There is a wide variety of attacks from this guy on the Ant Kingdom, the first of which I remember clearly as being an invasion by a swarm of hornets (there were probably a lot of hornets around that summer).

>As time and the years went on, the technology of both the Ant Civilization and the followers of the antagonist developed.

>To imagine what most of these battles looked like, think Warhammer 40K only ants instead of Space Marines.

>There was a long adventure, for example, in which both David and the nameless antagonist both ended up trapped in other dimensions and were forced to solve a variety of puzzles to get back and lead their armies (this was inspired after I discovered Myst).

>This goes on for years and years and years.

>Kid from middle school finds out, makes fun of me, so I decide to end it.

>Get inspired by my grandfather using a can of Raid to kill a nest of hornets on the side of his house.

>In the history of this world, humans don't exist anymore and long since disappeared, but all the left over technology, i.e. lawnmowers, cars, pipes, etc. still exist and are breaking down around them.

>The nameless antagonist finds a stockpile of unused cans of pesticides, and begins to use chemical warfare on the Ant Kingdom. He also somehow figures out how to get his minions to drive things like lawnmowers.

>Using the leftover human technology, the nameless antagonist effectively destroys the Ant Kingdom. David, having failed to protect his kingdom, dies his final death.

>The nameless antagonist, now at "peace", kills himself, because he has nothing left to live for, and because now though he has satisfied his urge to destroy them, he feels self-loathing for the atrocities he committed. His mercenary armies disperse back to the lands they came from.

>Some ants survive, and revert back to their previous state of living in small tribal colonies, fighting for food, and being killed by the demons.

Anyway, something like that. It's kind of hard to remember most of it, I didn't write it down and I started it when I was 5 or 6 and ended it when I was 11 or 12, so. Hope you find it interesting. It's cool to know that there were other people who had similar running stories in their heads. I wonder if we're the last generation of kids to be doing that. My parents didn't let me play video games for longer than half an hour a day or watch TV for longer than an hour (unless we were watching movies as a family), so I had to go outside and play most of the time. Kids these days from what I've seen are raised on their iPads, so I don't think they're getting the experience of really making up a long storyline. But maybe it wasn't that common anyway.


 No.112403

>>111562

I swear I've seen this like twelve times before.


 No.112404

>>112403

I'm glad I'm not the only one going insane.


 No.112424

File: 1456595046780.jpg (15.03 KB, 373x437, 373:437, 1456155190161.jpg)

>been a failure for the last 10 years

>used to be normal but my 16th birthday present was a ton of autism bricks

>best thing ive ever accomplished is winning a national trampolining competition

>finish routine knowing id won

>feel ten feet tall

>walking off the trampoline i trip on the foam covering the springs

>fall 4 feet to the ground onto my face

>~200 people laughing at me

>first thing someone says to me is "youre such an idiot"

Even when i win i lose


 No.112441

>>112424

Change your attitude. Get off this board. Man up.

We all have embarrassing moments. Look at the bigger picture. You won a NATIONAL trampolining competition.

So one fuckhead called you an idiot. I've been called an idiot all my life. Stop being so over-sensitive. The only perspn who is going to help you overcome, is you. Pray to Jesus Christ and change your mindset.


 No.112505

File: 1456638143359.png (2.85 MB, 1496x880, 17:10, attack_on_macalavay_colore….png)

>>112403

I've posted it like twelve times before.

>>112367

Man that's awesome. You absolutely should write it, post it on /lit/ for critiques or something. Just make sure to keep the extraneous scenes to a minimum and make it engaging somehow.

I really like the chemical warfare, the cyclical history, the villain killing himself, the weird motivations behind things.

>>112424

They were probably just jealous you won or something. Or just joshing you. Or maybe people are that mean-spirited. I don't know.


 No.112529

>>112367

that's… a really well written plot. The reincarnation thing I mean.


 No.112546

>>112367

You oughta try to make like, pixel art or comics out of this. Do you have any art skills?


 No.112548

>>112441

>Pray to Jesus Christ

*tips fedora*

Back to your containment board: >>>/pol/


 No.112553

>>112529

I think the reincarnation part must have been inspired by something I saw on TV or something. Except for some of the Myst-inspired elements, I barely remember where most of the ideas for this came from. Most of it was just me dicking around outside. I really liked to build up these complex scenarios, even if they didn't make any sense.

>>112546

Unfortunately, I'm a pretty poor artist. But it's something to think about. Maybe I could write it all out and if I like it enough see if I can muster up the social courage to find an artist. I kind of like the idea of it being a webcomic, if anything.


 No.112585

>>112553

Bro. Even stick figures would be fine. Make something of this. Especially because it's over and done. With mine I am hesitant when I work on it because I am worried it will ruin the story in my head.

Plus, look at the garbage art I produce. It can always be re-done later. But first you have to get the images in your head out onto paper.


 No.112603

>>112585

Fair enough. Thanks for the tips, man. If I hadn't happened upon this thread, I probably would have just eventually forgotten about the story altogether and it wouldn't have occurred to me to write it down, but now I think I'm gonna. Thanks so much, dude!


 No.112670

File: 1456715293909.png (306.53 KB, 1838x2742, 919:1371, superhulk1.png)

>>112603

Sure thing. Be sure to post it here, or make a tumblr so I can follow you. I know tumblr is SJW garbage but I like it because it gives you a URL and an easy place to aggregate content.


 No.112684

>>112670

All right, will do. I'll post it here when it's done, hopefully you'll see it. No idea when that will be though, I've been busy with college, but I'll try to do something with it.


 No.112725

File: 1456747208760.jpg (230.5 KB, 1440x900, 8:5, 225840_screenshots_2016-02….jpg)

>>112670

>tambulor

>oh, someone else has an accouhnt


 No.112762

>>112725

What…?

If there was another way of sharing content in one place that is easily accessible, let me know.

Tumblr is a great blogging platform. If you don't set up your blog to load 300 Dr Who gifs in an annoying color scheme, it can actually look fairly nice. It's got a lot of great features. Does it contain objectionable people? Yes, but so does 8chan and 4chan to some peoples' views.

The problem with tumblr is the people, not the website.


 No.112763

>>112725

I realized i probably just sperged out / projected. I just dont like Tumblr being condemned as a blogging platform just because it was overrun with idiots. I don't think tumblr is guilty the same way Reddit is, of their site set up giving them the exact kind of users / atmosphere / culture that they deserve.


 No.112833

>visit brother at college (im 20 pls no ban)

>tells me to meet him in some building at some obscure room number

>get lost, obviously

>find the school store and decide to buy a keychain or something while i regroup

>looking around, find cool shirt

>last time my brother bought me a shirt from here it was too small

>too nervous to try it on near the front desk, take it to the back of the store and slip it on over my shirt

>struggle to get it over my hoodie while crouching so nobody spots me

>fits but not sure if i like it enough to buy it

>shimmy out of it like an autistic snake molting its skin

>walk around with it looking at other shirts

>staff is suddenly very interested in me and asking me if i need help every few minutes

>realize im the only one in the store

>realize they think im shoplifting

>spaghetti.mpeg

>pretend to browse the candy and lipbalms to avoid suspicion while avoiding eye contact before slipping out of the door

i didn't buy the shirt


 No.112855

>>112762

:D

I renamed my tumblr image folder to "tumblr the new 4chan" because it's where I get the majority of my image files now.

also: it's ground zero for trolling some thin skinned faggots.


 No.112869

>>112012

is it still as retarded if you aren't the one being retarded?


 No.112870


 No.112960

>>112833

How does visiting your brother at college imply underage ban?

But anyway. That's a bummer of a story. I never try on clothes in case they think I am trying to shoplift. I'm scared even to wear heavy coats in a store and pick up merchandise because it looks like I'm trying to pocket it.


 No.112961

>>112855

True. I don't feel like taking the time to do it and switch accounts though. I prefer Reddit for pissing people off. It's easier to make throwaway accounts.

Sadly they have cracked down on trolling. I had an account at -6000 karma before it got shadowbanned.


 No.112964

>>112960

i thought it would imply me being in high school and therefore possibly underage ban


 No.113033

>>112964

Mods only ban you if you explicitly say you are underage.

Even sarcasm. Some fag on cuckchan called me a 16 year old loser and I replied "yeah, I'm definitely 16"

Banned.

It didn't matter because I was at a library in a town I'll never go back to, but still.


 No.113332

>>111524

>If you think about it it makes sense,

Not realy


 No.113363

File: 1457028362942.jpg (80.08 KB, 592x496, 37:31, meme deer.jpg)

>>112250

You seem a tad upset, friend.


 No.113562

>>113363

>>113363

epik meme, thanks my friend, well meme'd


 No.113605

File: 1457129238974.png (174.33 KB, 416x396, 104:99, kHruzBM.png)

>>112833

i have another one by the way

>at big bro's college

>get dragged to some college type social gathering (not like a party but close to it i guess)

>nervous, in the bathroom sweating bullets

>read online about how changing your posture can make you more confident and less autistic

>start striking poses in the mirror

>shoulders back, hands on hips

>yeah its working

>keep flexing

>"what the fuck"

>stop dead, turn my head

>some dudes standing there

>dont say anything

>they dont say anything but walk past me to the urinals

>mfw im shy around people pissing so i left

people probably think im an adopt-an-autist charity project that my brother took on for school credits


 No.113608

>be 113608

>XX always avoided me so I did too

>suddenly a girl started talking to me and asking me how am I doing

>gets happy

>a week later

>anon I didn't understand this math exercise

>anon what's the solution to exercise 3 in the book

>anon sit next to me in the exam

>anon can you show me how to do this

>tfw can't say no


 No.114012

>>113608

Why is this a bad thing?


 No.114032

>>113608

…dude.

Are you that inept?


 No.114045

>>112367

Cool story, you should really write a book on it. You could make A LOT of money, and I'm not saying this because money is the only thing that matters, but because money from a book gives you the chance to live a good life.

You should make more stories like this, this is your talent.


 No.114168

>>114045

Interesting of you to say so, I wanted to be a writer when I was a little kid. The idea of it got crushed out of my by the education system. Still, it might be worth a shot. I could definitely use more cash.


 No.114588

>>111562

I HAVE SEEN YOU POST THE WHOS AND THE LICE 1000 BILLION TIMES ON 4CHAN & 8CHAN, STOP FUCKING POSTING THIS SHIT, YOU ARE CLEARLY A FUCKED UP CUNT


 No.114594

>>112505

>I've posted it like twelve times before.

NIGGA PLS GO BACK TO >>>/cuckchan/ NOW


 No.114630

File: 1457555858633.jpg (335.22 KB, 480x800, 3:5, 45jimpj.jpg)

late August

>take bart to berkeley looking for shrooms

>settle for acid from random homeless adult street kids

>go to best friends house, lives near my ex

>shes been calling me with 2 new guys shes fucking to have them talk shit to me

>hes a schizo and hes in a mood, so instead of taking with him i get deep in a trip

>get naked, his dad sees me

>hop the fence from his backyard and run in the neighborhood naked

>run up to a girl optimistically and she looks at me like shes disgusted so i continue to ex's

>see cops, run run run

>they tackle me on her driveway

>spend the night in a psych ward

>her mom had a doorcam and she shows ppl the video


 No.114708

>>111973

In the same vein:

>in primary school

>fill party popper with expired soy sauce

>hand it to mom

>faint brown stain on ceiling ever after


 No.114747

>>114588

>>114594

I just like to hear about other peoples' similar experiences. Like the ant guy up above, or another person who had something with pipe cleaner men, some elaborate legend or whatever.


 No.114749

>just made nachos

>sit down at computer to shitpost

>decide to make shitty greentext

>Captcha doesn't work

Damn it hotwheels


 No.114767

>>114630

nice one bro, I've had psychedelics before, what's with the getting nekkid urges? I've never experienced that


 No.114768

>be in third grade

>sitting at group desks, with maybe 6 kids at a desk

>need to pee

>don't even think about it

>just whip out my cock under the table and start to pee

>piss on the girl next to me under the table

>she jumps up and so do I

>I start overreacting, "what the hell was that?", trying to act like we'd both been pissed on by an invisible piss monster

>everyone suspects I pissed on her, but nobody really says anything or gives me any shit for it

dunno what the fuck I was thinking


 No.114870

>>114767

I can't speak for the other anon here because he wasn't alone, but if I'm on psychedelics and alone unless it's a particular variety of psychedelics which makes you limp I always get the urge to get naked and masturbate once or twice during the trip. I can't explain it, other than that masturbation feels about 100x better on psychedelics than it does if you're sober.


 No.115125

File: 1457742373677.png (204.7 KB, 492x327, 164:109, 587878578567568.png)

this happened recently

>at computer

>crazy knocking at the door, scares the shit out of me

>insane knocking without stopping

>think its like a burglar with tourettes

>open the door

>little girl standing there

>little girl: "i knocked a bunch, what took you so long to answer?"

>wat.png

>me: "um, can i help you…?"

>little girl: "yeah, is your brother here?"

>figure this must be my little brother's friend, he's not here and i tell her that

>little girl: "oh, okay"

>she walks in the fucking house

>little girl: "do you have anything to drink?"

>whatthefuck.jpg

>get her an apple juice

>she walks around sipping her juice, wants to play with my brother's toys

>she's been in my house for 20 minutes inspecting things and asking me questions

>don't know how to make her leave

later

>more knocking at the door

>her sisters are at the door, they're my age

>realize im standing there, an adult man, with their 6-year-old sister, drinking an apple juice and playing with legos and monster trucks

>mfw

>hot sister: "what are you doing here, you snuck out of the house and you're in a lot of trouble"

>SHE SNUCK OVER TO MY HOUSE FUCK MY LIFE

>standing there like an idiot because i don't know what yee say in mine defense

>hot sister: "you have to go home now."

>little girl: "i don't want to go home!" and runs into my kitchen, her sisters running past me to catch her

>keep sipping my apple juice

>they fight in the kitchen until the little girl runs under the table

>both sisters flank her and grab her finally, she's crying and hitting them

>hot sister thanks me for keeping an eye on her

>me: "uh, yeah, anytime"

>she invites me and my brother over to her house if we want to visit

>shut the door behind them

>throw my empty juice box away


 No.115141

>12 years old

>fall asleep at 7pm

>wake up at 9

>can here people in kitchen

>faint light coming in door

>"Its that time again."

>get out of bed and pee in my garbage can

>run back into bed

>"The demons."

>fall back asleep

>months later my garbage can is moldy and my entire room smells really fucking bad


 No.115148

>>111409

fuck off degenerate

>>112670

>>112762

>>112855

>tumblr

fuck off


 No.115167

>>115148

stop being so tumblr, you tumblrfag.

I'm gonna keep going to tumblr just to piss you off.


 No.115181

>>115125

take your brother over, and bring back more greentext


 No.115182

>>115181

i will if anything interesting happens


 No.115189

>>115148

So wait. You hate tumblr because of SJWs. Pedos browse 4chan and 8chan, does that mean the chans are shit just because certain shit people browse them? Just extending your logic here.

> inb4 "implying there's anything wrong with pedos" because there is


 No.115196

>>113605

that's moe as shit anon


 No.115316

File: 1457827757751.jpg (14.71 KB, 282x270, 47:45, 1431027995562.jpg)

>>115181

more greentext as requested

continuation of >>115125

>awake at the break of 2:30 in the afternoon

>brother is up, says he wants to go to his friend's house

>get mom's approval, put on a t-shirt and go

>open front door, three girls standing there waiting

>the second they see me they turn away without saying hi, i follow them while my brother runs off with the little girl from last night

>awkward walk over to their house

>sit on the curb while everyone talks and plays because i've managed to isolate myself from my neighbors until now

>whatthefuckamidoingwithmylife.wav

>"hey anon"

>cute sister from last night sits next to me

>she's wearing her hair up and a tight t-shirt

>"h-hey"

>we go inside

>some other guy is there playing SAO on the ps4

>music playing on the speaker

>its some pop shit but she likes it

>singing along to some of it with her, inevitably start sperging out by dancing too but she seems amused (but was probably uncomfortable in hindsight)

>little girl comes up to us and sticks her hands out to me

>little girl: "smell my hands"

>lean forward and sniff them

>little girl: "they smell like balls don't they"

>mfw


 No.115319

>115316

Is there more?


 No.115323

File: 1457829189350.gif (53.49 KB, 828x472, 207:118, 1450898254910.gif)

>>115189

>inb4 "implying there's anything wrong with pedos" because there is

Like what? Nice formatting, reddit.


 No.115325

>>115189

Little girls are the best. I didn't know a single girl growing up who was still a virgin past 13. Many were like 11 when they lost it.

So normalfags can go around fucking little girls and then claim the moral high ground later in life? Why do they get to do it if I can't? Fucking hypocrites.


 No.115336

>>115189

Chans really are shit, though.


 No.115349

>>115336

Then why are you here? To be ironic?


 No.115350

>>115325

>I didn't know a single girl growing up who was still a virgin past 13. Many were like 11 when they lost it.

What fucking ratchet realm did you grow up in?

> So normalfags can go around fucking little girls and then claim the moral high ground later in life? Why do they get to do it if I can't? Fucking hypocrites.

> because there are murderers in the world it is ok for me to commit murder


 No.115352

>>115323

Nothing, So long as they keep it in their pants. And shitloads of them don't. Also excuse me for thinking its not ok to fuck small children. Yes, they are children. Stop rationalizing Pedofags.

What's wrong with my formatting?


 No.115355

>>115350

>What fucking ratchet realm did you grow up in?

I'll tell you this much. It is in the United States, and it's a pretty shitty place, but not too terrible. A lot of adults were 1st or 2nd generation immigrants from Ireland and Portugal when I was growing up, so maybe this is something they don't care about. My mother was pregnant with me at 14 and my father was 23 for reference.

What I'm getting at is hardly 20 years ago this shit was peachy keen, but now all of a sudden these same faggots who got to fuck 'children' shame me for wanting too? Not all of them even have the excuse of, "oh well I was a kid too", because they weren't, and that's a shitty excuse anyway, like they wouldn't do it again.


 No.115432

>>115349

If I had friends and a fulfilling social life, then I wouldn't be here. But I don't since I'm a pathetic piece of shit, so I hang out with other pathetic pieces of shit on this website.

Plus, anonymity feels comfortable and I wouldn't know where else to go.


 No.115522

File: 1457917443138.gif (636.02 KB, 500x545, 100:109, 1455054630634.gif)

>>115352

Exactly. I get hating child molesters, but acting as if the word pedo is interchangeable is fucking idiotic. The space between every line is probably the single biggest giveaway you're from reddit, the space before the greentext to a lesser, more autistic extent.


 No.115612

File: 1457944023440.jpg (5.63 KB, 300x168, 25:14, download.jpg)

>be me, kissless virgin

>shy, stay at home type

>watching netflix and eating some chocolate chip cookies

>suddenly feel the need to piss

>get up, go to the bathroom

>As I turn on the light, I jump back, startled

>There is a man in my bathroom without clothes

>He is skinny and has white hair on both heads

>As I am about to run for the phone to call the cops, he gives me an irresistible bedroom gaze as he stands fully erect

>silently I take him into my holes

>he probes my innermost depths, plunging away at orifices that hadn't felt the touch of a rod in forever

>each thrust is another orgasm of bliss and endless pleasure

>as we climax, he pulls out, covered in goop

>I hold him close, admiring the gunk from my body covering his shaft

>then I throw him away in the trash and go back to watching netflix

God, I love Q-Tips


 No.115621

File: 1457949326988.png (52.79 KB, 190x152, 5:4, hugo4.png)

>>115612

Bretty good/10


 No.115780

>>115316

Well what else happened?


 No.115942

>>115612

What the fuck is this, some kind of erotic cuck fetsh?


 No.116161

File: 1458160733370.jpg (37.55 KB, 635x467, 635:467, 1360731196111.jpg)

>>115316

>>little girl: "they smell like balls don't they"

This is too good to be true.


 No.116211

>>115522

Well that's just autistic then. There's nothing wrong with spaces after ">" in greentext.


 No.116214

>>115316

>little girl: "they smell like balls don't they"

What the fuck am I reading?


 No.116220

>>115942

It's a bait-and-switch story about cleaning your ears


 No.116732

>>115780

fucking nothing, turns out she's 15 and i dont fuck kids. my brother played with his friend and we went home.

should i take him back again?


 No.116741

>>115522

>leave empty spaces between lines

>found 4chan in 2005

I have always done this.


 No.117164

childhood summary

>dad leaves before im 1

>dad has extreme anger issues that were passed on to me

> step dad when im 4 or so

>step dad burns with me cigs

>step dad molests me

>mom leaves him finally

>several years later mom decides to move in with bull dyke

>bull dyke beats me occasionally nothing too bad

>mom leaves this dyke for another dyke, hoping the second one is richer

>second one is poorer(lied about income), and also more abusive. beats us both

>stick out in school because fucked family life

>bullied by weak fucks because i look vulnerable

>fight back, always win but they dont stop

>eventually react too strongly, send kid to hospital and land in jail

>get out

>mom decides now is the perfect time to homeschool me

>always home seeing mom get hit by dyke

>mom tells me not to interfere

>find their disgusting dyke gear

>dyke explains in detail what each piece is for and how its used

>did mental gymnastics to stop caring, screwed up my empathy

>dyke randomly dies

>homeschooled till i graduate

>just read books and filled out worksheets

>probably spoke to under 50 people from 13-18

>20 now

>0 social skills

>0 empathy

>anger issues

>havent had a friend in 10 years

>violence and sex linked in my mind, probably wouldnt be able to have a relationship even if my social skills werent fucked

>why am i going on


 No.117196

>>117164

learn boxing or some martial arts that involve hitting (with protections ofc, you don't want to mash up your brain), so you can let out your anger in a controlled fashion. You'll meet people like you, too. Maybe befriend some as you have common interests.


 No.117203

>>117164

your "mom" is a whore


 No.117294

>>116732

Glad that in Europe, sometimes, that is legal.

So much for freedom, uh.

I wish I lived in Texas tho


 No.117314

>>117294

What in fuck's cunt would you want to live in Texas for?


 No.117363

File: 1458636753792.jpg (17.5 KB, 480x360, 4:3, what's so great about dumb….jpg)

>>117294

Property taxes are too high, owning a vehicle is mandatory, too much diversity, there's really nothing fun to do here that can't be done anywhere else, lots of illegal immigrants, the weather sucks, christians are everywhere, lots of retards driving around in trucks/suvs who never check their blind spots or use turn signals.

Texas is highly overrated. There are better places in the US to live in.


 No.117368

File: 1458645285422.png (20.68 KB, 567x424, 567:424, 1450549712196.png)

>>116732

>15

>kid




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