>>112238
I am sort of like you.
However, cognitive behavioral therapy will only tell you to "do it", and then you supposedly do it and talk about how you felt around doing it.
At best, all you do is push the motivation to not disappoint your therapist.
If you are like me, and lack any sense of autonomy, motivation, ambition, initiative and so on. I don't think therapy will help much. It did help me figure out that this is what I struggle with though, but there are no solutions.
All I am doing at this point, is looking for (mostly hoping) someone else to take that whole responsibility-part off my chest and tell me what to do.
I think it has to do with something something in your upbringing. That choosing, and choosing wrong, reflects poorly on you as an individual. So for me, I grown accustomed to that the less I choose, the less shame I get thrown my way. Up to the point where simply choosing between two somewhat equal restaurants in a foreign country (celebration of parents birthday) is fucking hard, if not impossible. I have to re-assure all the way that I don't know which one is best, I have no idea if food is good or not.
From an outside view, I couldn't choose between two restaurants. But on the spot, all responsibility of the rest of the trip / evening was solely in my hand and if people had a poor experience it was solely my FAULT.
A couple of years back, I bought a set of DJ-mixing board, two CD-players and a mix-station or what it's called. I used it relative much for a week, then it didn't give me anything. There were buttons to pressed, did something to the music. But in the end, it didn't fill me with any joy or less joy. Just pushing the buttons. I can do that on my keyboard (PC-keyboard). It doesn't tick my neurotically retarded brain-center or whatever.
As for you OP, poor compartment. It's like saying the stupid people are the smart, since they are so smart, they know they don't need to focus energy on knowing they don't know. So by not knowing that you don't know, you are actually really smart.