/r9k/ - ROBOT∞

>>114022

>Without saying even a single word I slinked back to my seat, and just before sitting down I let out another little poot

Alpha as fuck.

>HS, Sr. year

>poorfag and parents are assclowns

>so on city bus to school

>sitting in front area (the fold-up seats where the wheelchairs that take 20 fucking minutes to get on the bus are secured)

>put backpack down next to me/behind me, I'm facing forward to watch for my stop

>guy gets on at another stop, sits next to me

>be vaguely worried he'll try to steal shit from my bag

>dismiss as paranoia because 'oh anon you're too paranoid' over and over makes anon a dull boy

>suddenly hear a noise for which at the time I had no comparison or frame of reference besides it being loud

>loud enough to hear through the engine noise and Blind Guardian on headphones

>closest thing I can compare it to is somebody taking a 2-3 ft. sheet of linoleum and ripping it in half, it lasts maybe 3-5 seconds

>I think the guy sitting next to me either did that because everybody gets off to getting a rise out of people in the shithole I live in, or ignored the zipper and goatse'd my backpack a new one to try to steal my shit

>I look back

>backpack intact

>no Chad or Jamal says 'huh huh he looked wata faget'

>no linoleum

>guy sitting there, his face beet red

>"s-sorry" he mumbles sheepishly

>I turn away confused

>finally realize the noise was him ripping the loudest fart I have ever heard before or since when I get to my stop

>I can't adequately describe how little business this noise had coming out of a human anus, or that of any animal smaller than a horse

>it sounded like a lawnmower being revved into a megaphone, or like an half-flat airhorn

>no odor I can recall, surprisingly, possibly because I didn't give a fuck about hygene

>spend remaining walk to school trying not to piss self laughing

>3 am outside my door having a cigarette

>accidentally let one out

>look around in panic thinking someone heard it

>its 3 am so no one did

it was pretty good

>>114022

good shit op

>be middleschooler

>at friend's house playing vidya

>at this point farts are still a joke to us and we announce them and laugh and try to make them as loud as possible

>let off one

>Silent But Deadly

>dry, but the heat felt like somebody had lit my asshairs on fire

>as I dealt it, so too am I the first to smell it

>it's the kind of stink that burns your nostrils like carbonation going up your nose, smell itself was something like cow shit or rotting animal carcasses

>make face like pic related, tell my friend to prepare his nostrils

>friend doesn't believe initially because we always ham up our reactions because lol farts gross lol

>then the smell hits him

>we actually had to leave the room and play outside, it just kept lingering

>room still had noticeable smell of ass after a week

>early hours of the morning

>middle of the week

>have had friends over getting high in my room all night

>3 of them left

>one of them always passes out on my bed

>every fucking night he gets blazed as fuck as hard as he can on my weed so he can pass out on my bed so he doesn't have to go home

>steals it every night

>just so happens i drank an entire bottle of prune juice earlier that day

>i get the urge

>hes passed out with his mouth open snoring on my mattress

>i pull down my pants and bring my bare arse cheeks inches away from his face

>let a loud, gurgling prune fart right in his face rip

>the smell burns your nostrils

>he gets mad as fuck

>"wtf is wrong with you?"

>"huh wha??"

>"go back to fucking kindergarten

>meanwhile other two friends are hysterical

>he says that it smells like a baby nursery

>another time something similar happens

>he says it smells like a "chicken coop"

>>114535

>dry, but the heat felt like somebody had lit my asshairs on fire

those are the best