Looking back on it, I've always been extremely pathetic. I remember my time in university…
I remember those were two and half years (I graduated early) where I had no friends, no contacts, no connections. I remember weeks would go by without anyone saying a word to me. I just didn't know how to make friends, and frankly, none of the people I met in classes really piqued my interest as friends (and I'm sure I they found me boring, too). I tried attending a few clubs, but I didn't find friends there, either: however, I'd sometimes tag along just so I could go to dinner with them, or, very rarely (twice in the entire time I was there), so I could get invited to a party, where I wouldn't talk or interact with anyone, but proceed to drink myself into oblivion to forget my loneliness. I was so alone.
I only had an acquaintance that - in retrospect - wasn't very interesting or fun to hang out with. He only hung out with me once in a while, and only because his real friends had ditched him or he had no money to join them. I would get so happy when he invited me to do something ("Someone finally invited me to something!"), but I would always get bored because he was boring: stupid, immature, a party-dude bro type who thought I was an autist (he only put up with me because I sometimes used my funds to buy beer or give him answers in a Statistics class - God, I was such a cuck. How often he would ditch class to bang random whores, and I'd still give him the answers just so that I would get asked to hang out every so often).
In my final semester at university, at the very beginning of the year, I made a friend on 4chan's /r9k/. I don't even remember how - all I remember is exchanging e-mails. We started talking, and, well, I really enjoyed it. He was the only one who cared about me. Eventually, I found out he was gay, too. In December of that year we became boyfriends. I even used the last bit of the funds my parents had put in my bank to pay for a plane ticket for him to come visit me (what else was I going to use it for). In the end, this internet bf left me some months later: I never even got to meet him in person thanks to a fiasco with my parents (I am sure if we had met, we would still be together).
I have no friends. I work at a minimum wage office job. I don't talk to any of my co-workers. I don't have friends outside of work. The only regular contact I have with humanity is my parents (with whom I live).
I'm so lonely.
I hate my life. It's always been like this. I can't say it's gotten worse or better: my life has always been like this.