I deliberated on returning to it for a few days after Walter rejected me. Then I decided that it was probably deleterious to my psychological health, and potentially to my physical health (reading the works of one Dr. Ray Peat, some nutritional science biologist PhD., who absolutely demonizes estrogen and, if what he says is correct, probably with good cause for reason), so I've not bothered self-medicating myself with estrogen or anti-androgens (but might try he latter solely for neurogenic purposes: read on) again, like I had rather stupidly in August-October 2014.
Besides, I had no passability potential except to a fucking obese, ADD, tranny-chasing, over-virilized, closet-straight MGTOW and ego-dystonic pseudo-homosexual, like Walter Dempsey. He was going to bring me to America by subsidizing my travel there, engaging in marriage fraud – pairing me with a friend of his – so that I could procure citizenship (a plan that I was semi-certain would fail), and made all sorts of delusional, bizzare, and completely unrealistic promises misrepresenting the prospect of my future life as a transgirl in the US. He was basically trying to brainwash me.
It was David Chac the Second (or some might argue, David Chac the Third, as /cow/ seems to have me pinned as his immediate successor), all over again. It's bad enough that I'd self-medicated myself to a detrimental enough end that it has now effectively induced a retardo-mimetic condition, such as is characterised by my inattention, and inability to sequentially reason. Even worse, was mistakenly believing that testosterone was antagonistic to estrogen, when Dr. Ray Peat's work now tells me, that isn't the case; testosterone and its more potent 5a-reductase metabolite dihydrotestosterone might block estrogen receptors, but this antagonizes their receptor sensitivity, causing rebound agonization increasing the affinity of estrogen to reoccupy its position. It's this that causes negrification, as I've come to neologistically term it, of the brain; I so term it because it's a consequence of neuro-feminization that is jointly manifest in negroes, as I've always said, but this tidbit from Dr. Pete solidifies this conviction for the absolute in my mind:
"The amphetamine-like action of estrogen, whPost too long. Click here to view the full text.