I've posted it on /b/, because i needed some talk, but I'm also posting it here, the right place. Thanks before everything.
I'm 18, and I'm living with my dad "willingly", most part forced, the story in gt:
>my dad and mom are separated
>when I was a kid, like 2008, something like this, they broke up
>been living like a "nomad", mom ; dad ; mom ; dad ; mom ; (and here's when the story starts) grandma ; dad
>so, all the living places before "grandma" was when I was merely rational, still a kid, a lot immature yet
>the story began with the grandma/great grandpa/great grandma, because that was not to long ago, more or less 5 months
I do not want to scale quickly, but also do not want to make a drama, then I'll be rectilinear.
>been using drugs, rekting myself for like 2 months, was running to worse drugs each day
>depressive, attempt to be an attwhore to the family, and "tried" to suicide many times (i called for it)
>someone told me i would need to move, because shit was getting real with my great grandpa (he's dying, living by a machine at his own home) and maybe they would need to sell the house (which is something I didn't swallow yet, smells like a lie)
>dad comes a day and try to convince me to live with him
Now, this part is important, I don't want to look like a stupid adolescent. I know that he was only trying to help me, like everybody else.
>i kinda realized that I had nowhere to run, and decided "I'm losing myself, maybe i regain the old me if I go"
>ps: i could not go to my moms house, its complicated and unnecessary to explain in this story
>i went
Details of when he tried to convince me, It's that things would get better, that he would help me, in any ways that he could (dad)
>became a member of alcoholics anonymous (aka AA)
>went to a psychologist, and psychiatrist
>stop the drugs, started studying programming (still) and change shift in college to day time (I still in college, due to my turbulent adolescence )
Everything for less than one month, and now things are getting worse, i feel alone, sensing bad things again, bad willings, complicated days and infernal sadness. And yes, i tried to talk with him, but It's like he dont give a fuck now.
I feel desolate, like nothing else matters, like I told, I don't want to sound dramatic, but It's exactly how I'm feeling everyday that passes.
He prohibit me to live anywhere but with him, and anything against that would become a big fight, he's a very angry guy, even if I'm 18 now, and have options, also I don't now if I could stand the emotional pressure.
I might sounded a lot dramatic, and had like 10 typos and mispelled words, I'm not from america, but I didn't want to post it on my-country-imageboards (people of my-country-imageboards are stupid).
I not certain what I wanted by writting all this stuff, but I kinda needed. Thanks for reading.