At first I thought I was lazy. Then the laziness turned into apathy, and apathy turned into lethargy. Psychiatrist told me I had depression. Went from 89 kg to 65 kg in 3 months, no appetite, can barely sustain 1.5k calories a day.
The upside is that due to losing all my feeling I lost all social anxiety and people mistake my tiredness for alpha unreactivity or some shit, so all my social interactions are positive. For some reason beyond my comprehesion I didn't lose much muscle mass and gained a fuckton of definition despite not working out anymore, so girls oggle me all the time. Too bad I don't even have motivation to jerk myself off.
People keep responding with empathy to me, but all it does is remind me of what I lack. I feel like a sociapath, I don't feel my feels, I don't feel other people's feels. Even drugs don't get me euphoric anymore. Even worse, I'm starting to get hallucinations and delusional thought loops (thinking family/friends deliberately sabotage me to keep me depressed). Soon my rational mind won't be able to override these thoughts anymore.
Maybe I should give in to the sweet embrace of insanity. Can't be worse than offing myself. Death or insanity seem like the only ways out of this abyss.