All I ever do is go to work and come home to sit in front of the computer.
The weekends are reserved for binge drinking with my mates or watching Netflix if my friends don't have time.
I don't really live either. Lately I've come to the realization that this right here is real life. Before I always thought that my real life would start some day but that's crap. This right now is the real life and I don't really do anything.
I am 24 and haven't done anything meaningful or worth a shit. I literally have no stories to tell my nephews I don't think I'll ever have kids myself because I am worthless to women, I have no life experience yet.
I don't even feel like an adult yet besides technically being grown up. Hell, I still feel like a child despite living for myself in my own apartment supporting myself with an IT apprenticeship, which I am doing pretty good in.
I see people all the time spending time abroad for months either for University or similar shit. I haven't been out the country for longer than a week since I was a child.
I can even count all the countries I've been to on one hand. And I doubt that I'll even get the opportunity to do that in the future. But even if I could I'd do nothing different than I do now. I'd probably just hang out in the hotel and do shit on the internet.
I am no fan of meeting new people in general so I'd basically stick to myself all the time as I do now.
On top of all that I don't really have interests outside of my field and hobbies are basically non-existent. I don't think I even have to mention that I haven't even had a girlfriend yet and don't even have any prospects of changing that.
I feel like I am wasting my life. I mean, I am working on having a career in the future but I feel I waste my life as much as when I still was a NEET.
There has to be more to life than just work. I don't even know what the fuck I want out of life. Sometimes I wish a terminal illness upon myself so this decision will be taken from me.
What is living any way? I could ask people what to do with my life but then I'd live the idea somebody else imposed on me instead of living as I see fit. But I don't even know what kind of life I want.
I had a major existential crisis a few years ago I thought I got out of but I guess I just repressed it because nothing really changed other than having some sort of employment.
Hopefully I'll find a reason to live soon.
/blog