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/sad/ - Depressed

Let's talk it out. Help each other. Be rude, be yourself but always work towards getting all of us better.

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File: 1443847242938.webm (2.29 MB, 1064x842, 532:421, 1412799459278.webm)

07ecee No.1149

Well, if anything positive happened this year it's that I managed to get myself back into therapy. It was out of desperation since I've despised going to therapy ever since I was a kid, but the latest of my numerous failed attempts of restarting my life caused me to snap. First time I snapped, I overdosed while at high school. This time, I was about to burn out one of my eyes with a laser. Only reason I didn't was because my sister came over and brought my little nieces, which snapped me out of it for a bit. After that, it kinda sank into me that I'm not quite sane, so I set up an appointment with my therapist I've been avoiding for a year. Figured it was best that I see him since I don't know what I'll do next time I fail if I don't get any help. Overdosing -> Eye Mutilation -> ? is a tough pattern to figure out. Anyways, he's a pretty cool dude, so I've been listening to him and taking his advice on trying to just fake being a normalfag as much as I can. Which has helped a bit, but I really don't have the energy to keep at it.

I mean, I'm tired as fuck. So many years taken from me, so many years of nothing. Well, actually worse than nothing, since there were multiple times things looked hopeful and that I actually had a chance in life, only for me to end up even worse than before. How do you guys find the energy to keep going after so many failures? You'd think I'd built a resistance to them, but it's getting to the point where I feel like, why fucking bother anymore.

Oh and wouldn't be /sad/ without tfwnogf feels, so better add that in real quick. To try to compress it as much as I can, had one, but then broke up with her. Regret breaking up with her everyday, and I try not to talk to her since she probably hates me, but fuck, better that they hate you then have them suffer along with you while you fuck up at life and go fucking nuts. I know that "if you love them, let them go" line is cliche as fuck, but I can't argue with firsthand experience. My mom's first husband died and she was having her own mental health issues, as well as drug problems. She decided to give up her two kids she had with him after that because she didn't want to ruin their lives. They hated her (and me I think) most of their lives growing up, but they're both married and have families and they're happy now. Can't argue with those results, so I think about that to make my own regrets a little less painful. Too much crazy shit imprinted on me when I was little to have healthy interactions with people, but I might save that for another day.

But yeah, how do you fuckers do it?

f10c38 No.1153

Wish I could help you OP but my life is even worse than yours, all I know is it rarely gets better. From now on for people like you and me it only spirals down into despair, poverty and never ending misery in every possible way, you can resist all you want and even pull out a bit, but its only a temporal relief tricking you into thinking this meaningless and tortuous existance is worth living.

Only truly gifted, superior people are capable of pulling themselves up by their boot straps. I doubt you or anyone who lurks a shithole like this is one of them.


405b40 No.1154

>>1153

Same


07ecee No.1158

File: 1444084610328.png (413.97 KB, 850x472, 425:236, 1443455452751.png)

>>1153

>>1154

Look fuckers, I know you're fucking liars because you would still be able to help me if you absolutely believed that, since that would mean despite the fact you think everything is hopeless, you still have some kind of will keeping you alive and that's impressive to me. Something has to be giving you energy to keep going.

So if you can't help me, then that means you don't fully believe what you say and are just saying that to make things less painful for yourselves, in which case, fuck you for trying to convince me. I mean, what you said doesn't bother me, since I easily tell myself worse all the time, so this coming from another anon is nothing, but still, fuck you.

I don't know, maybe I'll spite you guys as part of my motivation for awhile. Then I'll come back and help you dumb bastards. If a massive fuck up like me can turn things around at least a little bit, then there's hope for you guys too.


fe7c92 No.1159

>>1158

You really think I would do that, just go and tell lies? Fuck no. I absolutely believe what I wrote and im actually suicidal, if I havent killed myself yet its because of survival instinct, the difficulty of killing yourself and a life just bearable enough as a semi neet pretending to go to college, wasting my days watching anime and shitposting on vietnamese hiking forums, if there was a magic off button for life I'd have pushed it months ago. But thats about to end as im getting kicked out and have zero skills, money, friends and no place to sleep. Of course it's possible to get my shit together, get a job and that but I loathe the idea of struggling literally for all my life in every aspect just to get by. For what purpose? What kind of life is that? It's retarded to live a life like that being dead inside, there's no will or energy to keep me going, im done with this shit.

Killing yourself quickly, painlessly and reliably being a healthy young man without access to guns is hard. I could drive to 180km/h and hit a concrete wall, or I could hang myself but I don't want to risk others lifes with my car or make a shit and piss mess for my family to see.

Still it seems like there's hope for you. I applaud you for going to therapy, that means you really want to change your life and that alone puts you miles ahead from people like me. I guess I kinda projected above, there's hope for you. But seriously I'll never understand how you can be ok with that, turning things around is possible, if only a little sometimes, but I just did the math and would rather quit this rigged life-game in which the outcome was written before I was born than endure the hell that awaits me, the short moments of well-being are not worth it for me.

Imo all you can do now is follow your therapist advice and fake it til you make it, or talk with us if you want.


a8327b No.1160

>>1158

Nah just too much of a pussy to commit suicide. Gonna lay on a train track or move to America and bullet myself. Not my fault Brit doesn't have many great quick Sui methods you cucklord boner garage. Call me out a liar fuck you teenage girls have worse lives than you do.


a8327b No.1161

>>1160

In serious though it's good you started therapy again. I don't believe it helps especially not for me but as long as it helps for you that's all that matters. In honesty I wasn't comparing my life to yours that shit is stupid but I was saying I have the same problems and it's still hard for me to help someone else when I can't get my own shit together. The main thing here to fix yourself is to be willing If you keep on having the will to better yourself you will eventually better yourself even just a little. I know the tfwnogf and the tiredness bullshit too well. I hallucinate a lot etc and it's shitty but hell man when I can i'll try and help people out. Hopefully this helps a little I mean I come here cause I'm lonely all the fucking time. Good luck anon.


07ecee No.1162

File: 1444279047339.jpg (61.65 KB, 500x483, 500:483, 1423044242539-1.jpg)

>>1159

>if I havent killed myself yet its because of survival instinct

Hmm, guess I never thought of it like that. At least for me, those fleeting thoughts of suicide I did have were stemmed from me believing it was better off that I die and leave people with that little hope that I could have done something with my life, instead of disappointing them everyday and never amounting to anything. So I figured if I was ever sure things were hopeless, I would absolutely find a way to end things. Although they did say that's probably what I was hoping for when I ate my whole bottle of antidepressants. I don't know, they could be right. Don't even remember what my motivation for doing that for actually.

>But seriously I'll never understand how you can be ok with that, turning things around is possible, if only a little sometimes, but I just did the math and would rather quit this rigged life-game in which the outcome was written before I was born than endure the hell that awaits me, the short moments of well-being are not worth it for me.

Well to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm actually okay with it. Maybe I'm just telling myself that. That's how I always thought about it too, as trying to do the math of it. That in order to be happy with my life, the worth of everything I did would have to be greater than what I were to do if I were a normal person during those 5-6 years. Which meant I would have to live with that pain every day until I made up for all that lost time. I don't know if I'm just numb now, if I've lowered my expectations, or if therapy helped put my mind at ease, but that doesn't seem to be the case right now. I'm just focused on trying to make it through day to day, since anything seems better than wasting away as badly as I am right now.

>>1161

Yeah man, it definitely helps a little. I know that loneliness pain is killer though. Having to move away from everyone I knew still fucking hurts even though it's already been a few years. It's a bit demoralizing when a lot of the family you have here are all fucked up and at least two of them are pretty close to dying because they don't give a shit about themselves thanks to their own mental illness, and it just serves as an everyday reminder to me what I might become. They put a lot of pain on everyone that knows them, so maybe it's better off being alone so I don't hurt others.

Anyways, thanks a lot you guys. Wish there was a way I could help you guys out. Hopefully we can get at least some kind of break in our lives sometime soon


405b40 No.1163

>>1162

My break was over a long time ago.


07ecee No.1164

File: 1444433530493.webm (1.49 MB, 640x360, 16:9, repeatafterme.webm)

>>1163

Who knows though, right? Maybe that's true for you, me, both of us, or neither of us. Look, I can't bullshit any of you by telling you life is so great and shiny if you just believe hard enough. The last thing you fuckers want to hear is some generic "things will seem better one day" kind of comment that doesn't mean shit to you. But what I can try to do for you guys and myself is learn how to turn my life around at least a little bit so I could help you guys do the same. Then maybe you faggots and myself might change our outlook once things slowly start to become easier. I know we're all kinda spiteful here, so I'd like to think learning how to get better would mean more coming from a fuck up that you guys can at least somewhat relate to than from someone in a much better position than us. But like I said, I'm still working out the wrinkles in that plan, so if you guys could just postpone any possible an hero's for a while, I would definitely appreciate that. Also, try medication and therapy in the meantime. Even if you don't believe in that shit, what do you have to lose? Fuck what others might think, you just focus on getting yourselves better.

On a side note, this anon >>1159 reminded me of something with his vietnamese hiking. I would really like to one day just go walking across America. Came up one day on the internet when I very lightly toyed with the thought of just running off somewhere on foot and seeing how far I can make it before dying. But then it seemed liked a really interesting thing to do, especially when depression makes life seem really dull and pointless at times. I mean, traveling all that time on foot though all sorts of geography, camping along the way, meeting people, stopping at random towns and sharing stories of your adventure. I mean, that's fantasy/chinese cartoon level shit right there, and I'll be damned if I don't get in on that before dying. If you guys really don't have anything to live for, maybe you could find your own dream, or join me on mine. I mean hell, it actually makes me happy just thinking about it, maybe you guys should read up on walking across America. Except I don't know about you britbong anon. I've never heard of anything good coming from europoors going hiking. You'd have better luck coming over here first.


631ac6 No.1185

File: 1447279019737.webm (7.06 MB, 640x352, 20:11, penguin.webm)

>>1164

> running off somewhere on foot and seeing how far I can make it before dying

anon, you just reminded of webm related.

That's exactly how I would like to end it all, if I ever come to that point. Just walk away from my problems, and keep walking ultil something happens or my legs stop working…


af2105 No.1186

>>1185

Run little fella. You run to those mountains, and jump off the edge.



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