I never get attach to anyone, always been a loner family is f'ed up like we're dysfunctional functional it's all we ever could be Family never knew i existed in some sense i guess you can say so i was always ignored, my older sister is always favorite Get anything but was always in charge of me and had to take care of me. She left at 16 after my mother tried to cut my dad balls off and was arrested and charged, parents can never stay away they always love misery, finally they got divorced when i graduated high school, but they were back and forth living together and apart since then on . I was focused on after they divorced and my sister stopped talking to any of us and moved on with her life, they don't know how to communicate with me random religious and social fights with my dad, my mom didn't care as long as she had some kind of medication to pop 2 or 4 times a day so yeah was a Gothic kid you can say. Move on about 6 Years back had a bad breakup with my girlfriend. First time i actually felt like I could love someone, i f'ed this up big time. She fell out of love with me. I struggled with depression, made it worse knowing i did this to myself, tried to suicide a couple times ended up in the hospital for both, got stomach pumped and had stitches on my arm, dad felt like im a lost person stopped talking to me started to drink more, kicked me out randomly broke down my door, small fist fight and call to the police. I had enough money and balls moved away lived up north meet cool roommate and meet someone new, about as fucked up as I am, random call from old man wasn't doing so well so I came back to take care of my dad, still struggle to communicate with him without bursting into some kind of argument he still drinks, got to give him medication and make him food. Mother was deported back to her country with half of my dad retirement fund court agreement. ..New girl friend living with me at my dad house trying to get myself out of here again . Social network, found my ex, we start talking small talk we don't communicate anymore. But each time i see her and remember how it felt to feel i cry hard knowing i can't feel that anymore. Sleeping is the only thing i look forward to from each day, random dreams with my ex wake up wishing i was still with her. Knowing i can't she doesn't love me. New girlfriend wants to marry me, find me the perfect person in her life….I can't feel….I don't know what to feel…….All I want to do is sleep forever i don't want to be awake anymore i just……..I can't do this life……….Still in love with my ex but new girl friend loves me….What should I feel guys……….