/sad/ - Depressed

Hi /sad/. I might sound like an idiot here but I am in a troubled state right now. I graduated out of art school (many keks are expected. Fuck me) and cannot find a job. Currently working in the kitchen with low wage. I'm doing okay with money for now but I feel too much I let my family and myself done as I cannot find my dream job I went to school for and become set for life. Instead I feel disconnected. Day passes where I feel like I'm wasting my life being unhappy. The feel of working on a project with a set start to finish and once done create a new one and make it better was a feeling I remember having that left me satisfied back in grade school. Wanted that to be my career. Now that's on a stall I'm having a hard time being positive. Don't have a girlfriend and a lack of many friends that I can relate and I do want to just die as it feels it won't get any better in the future. But I'm a Christian and suicide is one way ticket to damnation and I have to pay off my debt in 10 years. I've made drinking, gambling and excess sugar intake my best friends and need a way to get out. But shit, I'm stuck. Considering to start smoking after 10 years just to fuck my shit up if nothing gets better. I still have hope but not much of it. Life can't be perfect but I feel like I'm rolling in some shit and shit's going to get worse if it doesn't start getting cleaned up.