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/sad/ - Depressed

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6b28b1 No.142

when did you start being sad anon?

67dbea No.143

I've always kind of been sad. I'm 22 now. Life was okay and I was mostly pretty content with things until I entered high school. I was never really bullied or anything, but I felt sort of "off", for lack of a better term. In my senior year though, things got pretty good for me; I had a small group of friends that I'd hang out with, I started going to parties on occasion and I even got myself a qt girlfriend (I even took the hot principals daughter to prom - seriously, I don't even know why she wanted to go with me). After high school ended though, my life went down the shitter. My first year of college was good but then I transferred to go be with my gf - after a year of living together, she left me and became a crack addict. Then in early 2013, my best friend - who was like a brother to me - died. Shortly after that, I dropped out of school and moved back home where I've been a (mostly) shut-in NEET.

I was diagnosed with major depression back in early 2012 and I tried a couple of medications, but they didn't really do much other than to screw with my already screwed up sleep patterns.
Post last edited at

d19c3f No.144

Probably back in either 7th or 8th grade. Back then it wasn't so much that I was sad, but I was angry. Angry about other people, angry about the state of the world, and angry I couldn't do anything to change either.

Eventually my anger started dying down, but I still didn't feel happy. I thought maybe once I stopped feeling angry that I would be at peace, but instead I just started feeling sad. Sad that there is so much pain in the world. Sad that I couldn't live up to the expectations of my loved ones, either in my professional life or in my relationships to those I love. Angry because I knew I had life so good and I had no reason to be sad, but only that much more depressed because of it.

I've only ever told two people about it, but I don't feel much better. I keep pushing myself through each and every day, thinking "one day I'll feel better, and I'll feel happy that I put in so much work", but that day just never comes.

564173 No.145

>>142
I can't even remember the last time I felt anything other than "angry", "suicidal", or "meh".
>got diagnosed with depression right before my 17th birthday, but there were syptoms since at least 7th grade
>grandfather died of lung cancer a few months later, in the middle of finals
>still have family/friends who would be devastated if I killed myself, so that's not an option
>physically incapable of giving a fuck at this point
>nothing motivates me
>just sit on my ass all day
>I had a plan for how I was going to kill myself, but /suicide/ taught me that overdose is an unreliable method

738c6a No.147

>>145
Wow, you sound almost exactly like me. The only difference in my story would be:

>was diagnosed at 19
>my grandfather didn't die (unfortunately)
>don't have that much family/don't really have anyone who would care if I was gone other than my mom and a friend or two (objectively, not in the edgy sense)

I did try to OD when I was home alone (I don't have anyone who would check in on me so it wasn't just a cry for attention) with morphine but it just wasn't enough unfortunately.

I don't know if you'll ever check back here since my board is slow as shit, but I hope things get better for you (and anyone else who is reading).

05060b No.177

I would say around middle school. In seventh grade I became more withdrawn and started to realize that being labelled "weird" by everybody around you wasn't a good thing, and then in eighth grade my dad hanged himself from my deck. I don't want to blame his suicide attempt on all of my life's failures, the vast majority of them are on me, but it certainly didn't help to enter high school with your parents divorcing, your dad not speaking to you because he's recovering in a hospital with a big scar on his neck, and your childhood home being sold because your family can't afford it anymore.

14f92a No.180

File: 1418337777382.jpg (93.87 KB, 1106x775, 1106:775, 20140810_200923 (3)2.jpg)

it must've been around after I dropped out of highschool when I really became depressed
I was NEETing then, for not too long though, I found a job after 3months of uselessly hanging around at home. during those 3 months I had a lot of time to reflect, thought of my existence's purpose and why things went wrong etc.
the job was okay but it made me tired, I didn't do anything during my freetime, friends were busy with school and graduating
and during weekends I had to work
so I hardly met anyone
I had a job but I still felt somewhat useless
fast forward, after all these years things added up and now I feel bitter and resentful
I don't believe in love anymore
it's hard to accept life's way of things
knowing doesn't equal understanding and understanding doesn't equal accepting.

7fb2e7 No.564

probably somewhere around sixth grade

2ee48d No.566

Grade 2, but it only started causing real problems a few years ago. Was heavily bullied through all of elementary school, now go to 7-12 HS, in senior year now but good moods are always on/off. I'll be feeling awesome for a few days or weeks and then I'll flip to sad and angry for the next days/weeks. Always very easily angered though.

077a71 No.567

5 years ago. Diagnosed wit Depression over a year ago but there's been symptoms of having it before then.

1d0b32 No.635

The day I was born.


1d0b32 No.642

>>635

I feel like I should give this more thought than I did

Around middle school I stoped talking to most people I had knew. None of them were in my class. Our middle school broke students up in 4 teams much like in anime and I was not with anyone I knew before. I was/is the weird kid

I sat alone or with these other 2 kids that became outcasts. After that high school was just as bad. I was also suppressing being gay till I was 19.


000000 No.643

2009


9b958b No.647

>>642

same, but I only suppressed my faggotry until I was 17, and even then I did a terrible job looking back.


1d0b32 No.651

>>647

I hide it well. Every time I'm asked if I found a girl yet. I die a little inside.


1f3e72 No.654

I can't remember not being sad, not even in my tenderest childhood. Sadness is a tide that streches from the present back and forth, and anywhere I look reality is tinted, entranced by it.


5b49a1 No.655

Not even sure, feeling depressed became the new "okay" years ago. I don't really have a point of reference for it anymore.


115c52 No.675

Uni.


cb337b No.683

The earliest I remember was when I was about 7…


9b958b No.685

>>651

I meant "did a terrible job supressing my attraction to other dudes" otherwise I'm just a normal dude.

That shit was what made me end up coming out to my parents, it fucking sucked.


637be5 No.696

File: 1432924647830.png (377.42 KB, 375x446, 375:446, a warm december with you.png)

I like being sad but I like being happy. Jungian.


02d9a5 No.749

>>145

Literally me (including grandfather, but he died of a whole lot of shit and health complications), except that I was diagnosed at the age of 6 and realised everything is bullshit and life is pointless at the age of 11, had my own little existential crisis and it mindfucked me tbh.

I don't want to kill myself because I've done drugs and know how good it -can- feel, but I have no idea how to change my mindset. I'm numb, emotionless, and have no will to do anything.

I'm fucking scared.


5bf633 No.756

Before I could remember. My entire life has been shit, and even when I was 5 I told my mom every day that I wanted to be a baby again and restart


2ee48d No.758

>>756

I was heavily bullied every day from grade 1 through grade 6 by the same pack of 6-7 guys, and to a lesser extent, my entire grade. I lived (still live) far, around 1/2 hour away from school and everybody else. I never got invited to birthday parties or got asked to hang out.

I never had a childhood, because living so far out means cable TV doesn't come to my house, so I got to watch Nat Geo and History Channel every day instead of cartoons. I only played Pokemon /yugioh because everyone else did it, not because I liked it. I hated it and I still do. I fill with rage every time someone brings up their childhood or asks what I did with "mine".

Long story short, one day I snapped at my parents and told them that they should've killed me when I was young. What did they do? They fucking yelled at me. When an 8-year old child tells that to his parents with complete honestly, something is fucking wrong.


b00c45 No.770

This ended up longer than I thought it would, but I don't really have anyone to share these thoughts with safely anymore:

I don't know. I think it was more of a slow progression. I knew when I was a kid that something was wrong with me and I never quite fit in and was always the 'weird' kid. I made some friends regardless somehow, probably because I wasn't as socially aware of how weird and awkward I was as I am now.

Then highschool…completely new environment…new people. I didn't know how to make new friends when I had no basis (ie other friends) to base the interactions on. So I was lonely for a few years, kept to myself, indulged in hobbies, and was eventually adopted by the other weird kids because of the hobbies I had developed. I never quite fit in though, even then. Like I was too aware of my own failings and abnormality to enjoy it.

So that's why I'm sad generally. I never fit in, even among other social rejects. Always an outsider.

Then my met my first (now ex of two weeks) boyfriend three and a half months ago. We clicked instantly and there was a huge amount of chemistry, as we both had almost identical interests, tastes and lives (though admittedly he had a far shittier life, but we had both ended up the same; anxious, depressed, self-harming, suicidal and over-caring/too loving). We literally could talk about anything together, especially our pasts and issues, and these sorts of thoughts. And for awhile, I was truly, genuinely happy. But he left because he didn't want to hurt me in the future or change me due to his emotional/mental issues, despite him saying that we could have lasted for years, if not decades had he not decided to end it.

He carved a blood lotus flower into his leg after we broke up and sent me the picture.

I think that was the tipping point. I don't know what to do now. I just wish I could go back in time and play those happy two and a half months over again and again and again.

I should let go, but I was always clingy with things I cared about.

And I don't know if I can love again after that.


5bd580 No.771

>>770

I know that feel.. I know that feel too well.


b2d081 No.783

i started being sad the year i changed school, started failing exams, repeating courses, not going out, fuck my life, i wish i was in 2010


3f7157 No.784

Since I had a working memory.


30b470 No.786

>>783

This. 2010 was my peak and then after 2011 (I was 19), it all went downhill FAST.


6a8449 No.796

I can't really remember.

I guess 6th grade.

I was just angry before then.

It wasn't until recently that I realized I was wrong about myself at the time.

It was way too early to have already given up.

It's probably not too late to change now, but it's too much hassle.

I think I actually enjoy being sad.

I just wish I could still cry.


76e4f5 No.799

>I just wish I could still cry.

Me too >>796 me too.


385beb No.807

>>796

>I just wish I could still cry.

I do know this feeling. I've had plenty of moments where tears would well up, but the testosterone and male condition took over.

Remember, when/if you eventually do manage to cry, do what you must to keep on crying, because you don't won't know when you will be able to cry again.


2bc62d No.823

My natural underlying mood is sadness. Doesn't mean I don't get happy feelings, though.

It's just that the default state of my being is sadness.


b549d0 No.830

Around 3 years ago. Shit's been getting bad lately. I'm starting to really consider ending it.


e47545 No.848

About 1 year and 2 months ago


30b470 No.849

>>848

Is that when (s)he left or something? Seems oddly specific.


e47545 No.850

>>849

She left about a year ago. I started to have mental health issues at the time I stated.


be9252 No.881

File: 1436506691670.jpg (41.52 KB, 500x340, 25:17, 11133923_805088282901527_5….jpg)

>Incoming ramble of a angsty sadnon who is tired

Oh gosh… This whole thread, let alone this board has put me to tears, something I rarely do, so I might as well share my story.

I don't think I knew I was "depressed" or anything akin to that until about I was 13/14-ish, but I've always been tired.

So. Damn. Tired.

I've dealt with all this fairly well once I started on the right meds, before that I couldn't do the simplest of task. My mother would ask me to do some home work, copy vocabulary terms, ok ya, easy as can be…

.

.

Why is my hand not moving? Why do I feel like my gut is being wrenched out? Why am I crying? It was like that for anything that involved the slightest hint of thought. Anything.

After I got on meds, I was ok for a couple of years. Started going to a private Christian high school, which was strange for me, given I've always been home-schooled. I didn't even mind the Christian parts (well, most of them) given I'm Christian myself. Even made a few friends there, and made it through Sophomore and Junior year. Come Senior year, me and my family figure I can do homeschooling again, given I got past math and stuff like that. That August, my mother ended up in the hospital, in extreme pain, for almost a month. I dropped all school since then, even after she got out and recovered a few months later. She tried to start me again, but since then doing anything other then being online just doesn't appeal to me. Even then, the internet gets boring and I might just sleep all day. Then we learned I had sleep apnea, which I'm getting my tonsils and adenoids out tomorrow for, so my sleep has been horrible. I had so many groups and stuff I did stuff with, mainly a local theater group that I did musicals and Improv with. All that's done and won't pick up for a while, if at all.

I feel like a plant, I'm getting fatter by the day, I only ever see my one best friend outside of my house, my game library has grown beyond compare yet I don't feel like playing video games, and I just read all of you guys's stories and I feel like I'm with my people.

I believe in a "higher calling" of sorts in life, if just to teach others about Jesus. Not even Christianity, just I desire for others to accept Jesus as their savior, but I can't even do that until I get my act together. The nice thing is I have a group of good friends that I do a weekly Bible study with, and they're all older and wiser then me, and have dealt with all the shit I've dealt with… But screw me if I can bring myself to talk to them about anything serious.

Thanks for the post guys, it feels good to let out some tears, which I can thankfully still do.

On the bright side, Rifftrax of Sharknado 2 was excellent.


410b7e No.895

When I was 3, first time going to school, see your parents leaving only to be with a bunch of other violent kids

Then the other major element, when my mother threatened to abandon me when I was 5 only because I wasn't behaving well enough, that's the day I started having suicide thoughts. I thought it was a dream at the moment, and I wanted to throw myself under a truck in order to see if all of this was real or not. It wasn't a dream. The thought never left me since.

It seems futile, but that's the kind of thing that start growing inside of you until it affects your daily life eventually, by lack of self confidence.


410b7e No.896

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Then a few months ago, after I left the shitty high school and went to the current college that I fucking love, I got drunk really hardcore with a friend and I fainted. He might have saved my ass by calling my parents to get me. I spent the whole night crying and barfing, drunk in front of my two parents, screaming to them that I'm a piece of shit, that they didn't deserve me, that I needed to kill myself and that I don't have a girlfriend. The next day I acted like I didn't give a shit because, but they took me to a therapist. It didn't help, it just made me think that they took me there because I'm not normal. Fuck normality. I never had majors problems to deal in my life, yet I feel like shit all the fucking time. I feel like I don't deserve all of this shit I get. My parents are wealthy, I've been a great kid at school, yet I feel like shit. Why? I don't know, I just get a lot of self loathing against me. I cut the shit out of myself because I fucking hate me so much.

I don't want to die but I don't want to live either, I feel like everybody is hating me.

You know what? This afternoon, I helped a friend whose parents divorced to move his shits away. He then told me that he was in a relationship with his room mate, a girl, another friend of mine. I don't care about the girl but the fact that they're both together makes me feel like the worst piece of shit ever. No girl ever loved me and I can't tell why. I really don't know. All of my friend got the girl to ask them first, yet no girl ever admitted to be in love with me. I'm a fucking normie. It's just that I don't like to make moves. I believe I'm ugly yet nobody ever told me that. Well maybe some assholes but I'm not a desperate case of ugliness I believe.

Yet I can't get any girl and it's driving me up against the fucking wall. This year, I was in a class full of girls, I was the only boy, and most of them told me how I was a really great guy, fun and everything, that I should not worry about getting a girl and it will necessarily come soon. I don't know why I'm such a fuck up and why I can't get any relationship. There's this girl from the class, a 4/10 which I find really cute, it's her personality. Well she's been texting me since before the end of the classes, on a weekly basis, but she lives kinda far away. And it was weird when I was with her because, she could spend the whole afternoon texting me and telling me nice things, yet on the morning she couldn't even come to say hello to me. She wasn't shy, I'm not either, but we could hardly talk when we were in class. I really want to take her to Paris this summer, in order to just ask her out. I know I have my chances, it's like I'm the one who's out of her league. Yet I can't tell myself to do it, I'm convinced she doesn't like me and I don't know why she texts me and why do we talk. I just want to see her right now and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should say that to her by text or in front of her. I've been listening to this fucking song on loop since this afternoon, because it describes me very well. I'm a bit drunk, feels kinda good, but I had to type this.


30b470 No.898

>>881

I don't have anything to really say, but just know that someone read it all.



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