a7f2be No.173
Life story thread, anyone? I'll start.
>started off well enough
>parents split when I was two
>dad was a huge asshole and I never saw him much; he offed himself when I was 12 (didn't and don't care about him)
>mom has always been very overweight; I was picked on a lot because of it, but it wasn't too bad
>mom also (still) would rather watch bad reality TV than interact with me
>I don't have much family and the family I do have are all way older than me (mom had me at 40 and I have no first cousins on her side - don't know ANYONE from my dad's)
>grew up in a pretty small town (2000 people roughly) in Canada
>started playing hockey at 5ish (finally stopped at 16)
>I ended up becoming super self-reliant; watched lots of sports on TV and got really into the internet when I finally got it at my home (2008, I think)
>was mostly known as a quiet kid in most aspects of life
>did well in school and had a decent amount of friends
>was made fun of a lot around 7th grade since I started to get body hair before most (and I have black hair)
>enter high school (was 13)
>stop caring about school but was always told by teachers how I was "wasting my gifts hurr durr"
>felt sort of awkward, but grade nine wasn't too bad; met my best friend that year
>grade ten was mostly the same but I became a bit more sociable
>grade eleven was also mostly the same but I made a decent amount of friends
>this was the year that I quit playing hockey; later on my best friend showed me 4chan and I also smoked weed for the first time
>grade twelve was pretty good for me
>still not all that sociable
>known as a pretty funny guy
>end up going to a few parties and people liked me a decent amount
>got into my #1 college despite barely trying in school
>took the hot principles daughter to prom (no idea why SHE asked me)
>started dating a friend of mine who is a year younger (she was a super qt; lost virginity to her, had first kiss)
1/2
a7f2be No.174
2/2
>next year, start college
>do LDR with my gf - all is well
>live on rez and have a tool as a roommate, but he was actually very nice
>didn't do super well in school as something always just felt "off" with me
>first year ends and I come back home to work a summer job
>in the fall, I transfer colleges to be in the same city as my gf's uni
>we move to a new place and live in a house with my best friend (who went to my college now) and another chick from HS
>things immediately start to crumble
>my gf begins to become standoff-ish with all of us
>she becomes a total slob and a pothead; basically treats us all as if we're maids and caretakers
>she deferred her school enrollment to work for a year
>leaves me before our two year anniversary
>tells me that she's been using crack occasionally for a few months when I'm off at school
>I try to get her back but she rejects it and she becomes a full out crack addict
>went to doctor and was diagnosed with major depression; begin taking SSRIs
>try three different kinds until I give up because I can't afford them - they didn't do anything anyways
>fail out of school
>end up going back the next semester
>depression is on in full effect
>doing a bit better in school, but not doing well
>pretty much a shut-in outside of school, but I do hang out with my best friend a decent amount
>then, in May of 2013 he kills himself a few hours after I visited him at his dorm
>I immediately spiral worse into depression
>drop out; move back to small town home with my mom
>been NEET since that time
>this January, ex calls me from across the country to tell me she married a Muslim guy that she knew for about five months
>no money (in debt from school)
>no passions/hobbies outside of internet, watching sports and listening to podcasts
>only two friends who I see about once a month
>balding quite badly
>every day I wake up angry that I'm still alive
Sorry if anything is confusing/boring in case someone actually reads all of this stuff.
e3aed1 No.175
>my gf begins to become standoff-ish with all of us
Right there is the source of your problem. You're relying on other people for your happiness.
That's always a one way street to depression.
a7f2be No.176
>>175What? Did you not read anything other than that? It's not that simple. It's kind of a shit situation when she starts pissing off our two roommates by acting as if they're just strangers and treated us all like we were her personal waiters. Not to mention that on top of all of this, she pretty much did a total 180 towards me in the matter of literally like two months.
Besides, I even said I had depression issues before that.
90aaa5 No.178
>>176I try not to compare one's sadness with anyone else's, because if you're feeling sad, you're just feeling sad
and it's a miserable feeling.
still, I think you've had lead a decent life, despite having a shitty childhood
you managed to make friends, have a gf, got to the college you wanted
considering that, you're better of than other people.
but I do understand your misery, take care of yourself, I wish that things will become better for you and that you'll be able to find some happiness again.
regarding happiness, it doesn't matter whether you've had a tough life or had a more enjoyable life, happiness just comes and goes, nothing to do about it. it's the same for everyone.
c664b2 No.207
>born into a family of criminals who were smart enough not to get caught
>dad was originally a rebel who did acid. mum was on all sorts of drugs
>as i grow up, my older half-brother tended to resent me and my younger brother ruined everything of mine
>get to about the age of 6. move to another shithole in queensland, australia
>parents eventually kick most of their habits. dad just drinks and smokes, mum does the same but is addicted to marijuana and pain killers
>older brother runs away, little brother already starting crime with things like shoplifting and selling kitchen knives at kindergarten
>first day of school. get kicked the shit out of by some kid, freak out because my parents aren't around to help me and then make my first friend
>fast forward a couple of years, become an obese kid despite rarely eating, no friends and smell like piss. i buy penthouse magazines from my little brother that he steals from the nearby servo and get off to them at the age of 9.
>have extremely high libido from a very young age. masturbating before most kids even know what an erection is.
>mum is back on heavier narcotics and kicks my father out. mum spends all her money on drugs, father comes over to take care of us on weekends and feed us decent food
>mum gets kicked out of home, i get chased out of school from the other kids because they all hate me
>move to a new town, whole family again and mum is back down to just cigarettes, alcohol, painkillers and marijuana.
>dad makes us exercise regularly, keeps us well-fed and i make friends in this new place
>life is good,i lose a little bit of weight, remain obese throughout primary school
>girls think i'm disgusting, not overly bothered because i have porn
>get to high school
>be conservative faggot who listens to entry-tier metal and dadrock
>do rugby in grade 8. get super /fit/
>grade 9, popular and has a nice body.
>grade 10. infamous in the community, overweight but good looks come in. crush on this girl for 3 years, she finally dates me
>treats me like shit all the time, cheated on me with multiple people and lied to my face about everything as well as avoided me all the time.
>she finally breaks up with me.
>first time being depressed despite living a shit life for the majority of it
>reach piles of existential crisis'
>manic depression sets in. emotions are a roller coaster
>eventually everything becomes hazy and i slowly realize everyone hates me. pick up smoking. then drinking… then drugs.
>dad catches me and beats the shit out of me. give up for like 2 days, then pick it all up again
>grade 11. average weight, very good-looking, on the same stuff my mother is plus a full sheet of anti-depressants every week.
>get into a shit tonne of fights, find spirituality, habits develop to the point of a pack of smokes a day, a bottle of whatever i can get my hands on and whatever drugs i can find.
>realize i'm really fucking good at writing. topping english in the region. OP predicted to be between 2-6
>skip school constantly to get fucked up, spiral into depression and now everything is unstable.
I'm 16 and I can't fucking handle life. Everything is a mess, the stress causes me to bleed out of my fucking nose at random, my family has split. My brother and father secretly hate me but won't tell me directly, instead I overhear it in conversation. I'm constantly getting my ass kicked in fights and I'm addicted to any substance I can get my hands on… My only hope is writing and music… Despite the fact that I'm losing the ability to do both thanks to substance, I'm destined to fail. What do I do /sad/?
72a148 No.208
>started off normal>parents split when i was young, dad didnt want me>both mum and dad had many boyfriends/girlfriends as i was growing up>quiet kid, never played, was more interested in messing around with books, electronics and computers. spending time with grandfather>bullied throughout primary and seconday education because i was obese>grandfather died>had no friends until college (british), got in to a group of friends for the first time in my life>like a guy in one of my classes but dont do anything>like a girl in the friend group, tells me that she likes me too>decides that she doesn't after all, whole group shuns me>like a guy in one of my classes but dont do anything again>alone for a while again, struggle with depression, develop anxieties>find two friends again>they leave for bigger and better things>meet a girl online, feel happiness for half a year>ends up abusing my sexually and psychologically>leaves me scared and alone>alone again and unemployed, meds upped>manage to get a job a year later, still alone>constantly hounded by stress from home life and past haunting>>207Mate you're 16, your life will be totally different in 1 year, and then totally different from that 1 year after…
74006d No.211
Well, here goes.
>This story starts off normal
>Live in 'murrca
>Born into family of Mom, Dad, and older brother (8 years apart)
>Originally live in Bloomfield, NJ
>Don't remember much because babby
>Oldest thing I remember is getting my head stuck under a bed when I was very young (kek away)
>Eventually move to podunk country town called Branchville in NJ
>Lifebeginsnow.jpg
>Begin elementary school a few years later
>Everyone kind of friends with each other
>Beginning to act like annoying little shit
>Things go okay until 3rd grade
>9/11 happens
>Get called out of school and picked up by brother
>Taken to childhood friends' house to see my mom and his mom in tears
>Planes colliding into buildings
>Can't comprehend, so don't respond
>Find out later dad was literally a couple blocks away
>He makes it home, however
>At this point is where I really start noticing things
>Steadily becoming the annoying unpopular kid that everyone loves to hate
>Get pranked constantly
>Dads company gets bought out and eventually he ceases to work there
>Fast forward to 6th grade
>Pretty much not liked by anyone at school
>Looking back, brought a lot of it on myself
>jump at the opportunity to be homeschooled
(1/?)
74006d No.212
>>211>Signed up for e-schooling>at this point, my shut-in life starts>eventually skip schoolwork>Catches up with me in June when dad receives an email stating I haven't completed anywhere near the required classes>At the time of starting, quizzes and tests had 5 and 10 questions respectively and were randomized>Couldn't cheat very easily>In any case, I get found out and major trust issues occur until high school>Luckily, format changes>10 and 20 questions now, but you could go back and forth between pages>They probably saw that I cheated since you had to submit a failing grade, but never got called out on it>Essentially do nothing for 2 years and deal with no standardized tests>Coolbeans.tiff>Now begins high school>Was still annoying kid kind of, very quiet>Constantly called McLovin when Superbad comes out>Irritated at first, but begin embracing it because "hurr, peeple liek me">Still kind of picked on but whatever>Join bowling team that year and stick with it all 4 years>Meet my first real friend there>However>Bowl an absolutely pathetic 34 for a first game>Regardless, coach keeps me, my friend, and 2 other friends on as subs>Good times throughout the winter>Learn humility and to not be such a cock>Year 10 is when girl shenanigans happen(2/?)
74006d No.213
>>212>make more friends and fall into the gamer crowd>Not much happens in beginning of year until winter when bowling rolls around (pun not intended)>Begin getting closer to friend, basically where friendship starts>Also meet a girl>7/10 qt3.14 grill joins>She expresses interest>Not really sure how to handle it>Basically give mixed signals and act like one of those asian nerd surrounded by women dank meymeys>First hug from a girl that I can recall>also was kissed on cheek by her>great successes all around, party in the central cranium command>fuck it up by ignoring her>She never talks to me again>feel bad, but whatever>there's about a couple more "interactions">second notable one was with this one girl>We'll call her Cris>Cris is a typical popular bitch in every sense of the word>Right down to having a bunch of black brothers>Fuckin wat>Anyway>altercation happens with me telling her to shut up and mind her own business>This does not go over well>Get glasses slapped off and still get internal suspension for instigating the argument>Got another one that year but w/e>Basically sit in a room and do work for the whole day>Kind of neat if it weren't for the fact some wigger kid was beating off behind me>Lastly>Beth>Oy fucking vey>This girl(3/?)
74006d No.214
>Going out of order but
>This girl remains relevant in my life on and off for about 5-6 years
>A typical "I hang out with boys because no drama" girl
>Has a cheating dad and a fucked up life
>Suicidal too
>attracted because a girl is fucking talking to me holy shit guys
>On and off contact for a while
Don't really have a prevalent interaction until about a year or two ago
>get stoned together even though boyfriend insisted on her not doing anything
>Gave her the offer to back out if that were the case, went ahead anyway
>Smoke
>Fun times until awkward beta confession
>She declines seeing as she's seeing a friend
>Awkward
>Eventually friend brings it up after work
>spill the beans
>Not mad of course because chill as fuck
>Breaks up with her because she's a cheating crazy
>Lmaos are had
>But back to business
>Junior year is when the first and only gf happens
(4/?)
74006d No.215
>Junior year happens and I become aware of house situation
>we're losing money because dad is unemployed and going through the midlife crisis of starting a business dealing with spiritual healing
>To this day, still think it was a dumb fucking idea
>Tensions arise between all of us
>brother is, was, and still is harsh, constantly berating me for fucking up andything and everything I do for him or when he asks because he's literally a giant
>6'11 300+pound ogrelord
>Meanwhile 6'5 barely 190 rail
>Mom and Dad are not spending much time with each other
>Find out a divorce may be in the works
>also find out from mom that brother wanted a younger sibling
>Didn't turn out how he wanted so instantly did not like me
>Basically feel low and unwanted at this point
>Until bowling of course
>Meet another 7/10 grill
>She lives about an hour away
>Get to talking
>eventually got unlimited texting because of this relationship so bonus
>We talk
>and talk
>and eventually I visit her home
>Parents are rich af and she's an only child
>Step outside for a bit
>Catch sight of a shooting star at the same time
>Thought it was some destiny shit or whatever
>Eventually started going out for 5 months
>Almost everyone noticed I was happier
>also got picked on constantly by faggots from wrestling team
>Never lost virginity, but had my first kiss with her
5 months go by and she calls one day to break up
>Act like it was a relief
>Torn the fuck up inside
>A miserable wreck for the rest of the year
>only solace is best friend and other friend (we meet again later down the line to become my best friend)
>Senior year begins after a while
(5/?)
74006d No.216
>Senior year goes by as a blur
>Home situation worsens
>Tension everywhere
>Also got first job
>Shitty little mom&pop grocery store, but met a lot of cool people there and grew a lot as a person because of it
>Sleep through most of school
>Bowl like shit because depressed and having to see ex go out with other guys
>Basically a repressed pile of anger
>So caught up in my head I turn down a threesome between an 8/10 band geek and her 4/10 manfaced friend
>ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing.png
>Still hanging out with first friend, becomes bro from another mo'
>He goes through a relationship with an ugly and crazy slut
>It gets to a breaking point when she tries to kick me for saying something
>Bro and I call her out on it and she plays it off
>He breaks up with her shortly after
>At this point I begin to realize my experiences with women have not been fun
>Oh well, still got porn
>Year ends without much incident
>Continue work for a couple more years
>meet a lot of people, make good friends, get first car through job
>Muddle way through college but don't graduate
>That all changes in 2013 however
(6/?)
74006d No.217
>>216>At this point it's a definite we have a year left>No one in the family does anything much with anyone>Go to work and either hang out with friends or be alone in room>Muddle through college at an average level because I don't care about school>Meet up with friend from junior year>I had smoked weed in senior year a couple of times, but didn't quite start again until my friend and I hang out in 2012>Regular toke sessions>Talk about anything and everything>Go to some parties, get drunk, good times all around>Basically a tame as hell dork version of Cheech and Chong>helps me through the rough ass times of dealing with house bullshit>Towards the end of 2013 its official>We are selling the house and don't live there anymore>Brother is off doing whatever and still manages to be a well meaning foul tempered nag>Dad has been seeing someone else>Mom regularly breaks down when no one is looking>Eventually it comes down to Mom, Dad, and myself cleaning the house up for sale>Mom goes to stay with a church friend until she and I move to MI>Basically using my second car to cart junk to the dump>Teary as fuck goodbye with dad>Stay with a work friend for 2 weeks in January>Eventually move>Visited a couple of times, good times had as well>But living in Lansing now>In a job I hate, never going out much, and pretty much browsing fullchan and halfchan for vidya generals plus retro>Only able to live in apartment and afford necessities and the like due to mom being retired and getting Soc Sec, and paying half of bills and rent>Only real thing keeping me going is making sure mom is supported until her pension comes in, my cat, and my best friends back home>No real drive to go back to school, but realize I need to do it in order to obtain better work>No guarantee there because shit fuck all out here>Only other choice is to get a CDL or stay in retail>This is my life nowAnd i'm done. Take it how you will, /sad/
(7/7)
93970f No.220
I'll play along
>started off quite good>born with autistic traits (never diagnosed)>parents had money (even if none of them put a foot in highschool, both with only primary education)>received gifts all the time>received money to buy anything all he time>had some problems as a child, example: parents had to fight with me to put my summer/winter clothers (I didn't want to change the last I used)>start school at the age of five>teachers thinks I need a psychologist because I didn't want to eat in class nor socialize at all>parents thinks it's bullshit and never took me to therapy>still very asocial through school>only had one friend at a time (never more until very later)>unwilling to participate in any groups activities: last year of kindergarden every child was supposed to walk and do something (explicit instruction given by the teacher) then join his classmates; I just walked past everyone like I gave a fuck (everyone laughed at me, I was 5 so I didn't give fuck)>school goes normal, always with only one friend (if one moves away got another one) but never participated in groups activities: at the end of that year we were supposed to play drums, I just stayed there in front without making a move in front of everyone while everyone played drums; again, I didn't give a fuck>skip to 4th grade, same as always. moved to grandma's house. Teacher took everyone to a small travel and then to a small place where was music and everybody dance; I sat somewhere and wait until everything ended. teacher complained a lot later because I didn't "integrate" with the group>5th and 6h year of school ok. moved of grandama's house because she's a bitch. got a decent amount of friends (6-7) for a couple of year. At the end of our 6th and last year of school we are supposed to dance as a tradition, I skipped dancing lessons taught at the school and hide in the bathroom while everyone do the stupid dancing>start highschool, parents split, back to grandma's house with my dad because we had no money to rent one>didn't talk with anyone for a couple of months>get a friend and we played videogames together for a couple of year>3rd year of highschool went like shit, I failed almost everything (I believe I only aproved biology and chemistry), give final exams at the end of the year and pass them all except by maths which I failed and physics which I didn't took>4th year ok, last year of my life I can say that>got a good physics teacher, I started to get interested in physics so I read pretty much every divulgative book I found>end of the year and I hadn't pass that physics exam from the 3rd year (I could have taken it a couple of time, but I didn't as the lazy faggot I am)>took it and failed, can't do 5th year of highschool until I aprove that exam (physics!)>didnt' do anything for a year (16 at the time) except taking all the exams I had to from my 3rd and 4th year of highschool. physics books I wanted to read used mathematics to advanced for me, start reading about math>start 5th year of highschool (17) did well. no friends. by the time I liked math more than anything. failed the class of visual arts (I didn't went to class because I didn't give a fuck about it)>6th year. didn't failed anything except physics (I didn't went to class because I thought the teacher was retarded)>age 19, can't go into college because I haven't finished highschool (had to take exam of visual arts and physics)>do nothing for a year except taking a cheap course in web developing (html, css, javascript, php, etc)>20 years, I start college, studying mathematics, first semester fairly well>second semester, decided to study philosophy together with maths and started with violin lessons. failed a course this semester. >21 years. got tired of going to math lectures, I skiped them all from now on. Took 3 courses in math (approved 2 of 3), 1 in philosophy>took 1 course in math, about 6 in philosophy because I didn't give a fuck about my grades anymore. went well. took french and german; failed both courses.>age 22. first semester took 2 courses in math, about 5 in philosophy, did well.>second semester: failed a course in logic, and a course in math of the two taken (since age 21 I skipped all lectures) because I didn't even went to the middle terms>depressed as fuck because (everyone except my dad) says that that I'm retarded every fucking day.>now on summer break. no friends, spend all day in my room reading or playing videogames. >made this thread recently https://8chan.co/sad/res/190.html 22a9a2 No.225
>be me
>be in elementary school
>get pretty good grades (burgerland public education though, so the bar wasn't set very high)
>art teacher is really strict
>P.E. teacher is based, but retires sometime during my 4th/5th grade
>music teacher is also based
>total sperglord
>acquainted with most of the people in my grade, not many actual friends
>dog that we've had for longer than I can remember runs away because my brother left the gate open
>6th grade
>still a cringeworthy faggot
>join band
>play trumpet (and suck at it)
>some kid that was in the same day care as me is joining band too
>he plays flute
>ends up being my best friend
>grades are still fairly good, but always getting in trouble for reading books in the middle of class
>can't write essays for shit
>halfway through the year, switch from trumpet to the euphonium
>still suck, but not as bad
>7th grade
>still doing band
>still not very good at euph
>still getting my books confiscated by teachers
>start taking german
>start running out of fucks to give
>grades take a hit because I rarely do homework
>8th grade
>running on fumes at this point
>even less homework done
>more books lost to teachers
>still suck at euph
>U.S. history teacher is based
>9th grade
>grades still shit
>made the mistake of taking a bunch of pre-ap classes
>starting to become SJW
>marching band
>meet a few more friends because of flutist buddy
>get computer for christmas
>sometime between christmas and school starting up again, start using 4chan
>/b/ saved me from becoming SocJus faggot
>it also made my grades even shittier and turned me into a meme spewing tryhard newfag
>grades so shit that I have to do summer school for the first time in my life
>10th grade
>slightly smaller faggot
>still a /b/tard
>still have bad grades
>still a few years behind all the other euphonium players
>realize how shit /b/ is
>go fuck around on smaller *chans for a while because I thought the rest of the site was just as bad
>trying to find a version of /i/ that isn't dead because tryhard
>end up on the new 888chan in time for the beginning of the SRS faggotry back on 4chan /pol/
>someone posts a thread about it on 888chan
>head back to 4chan
>become /pol/lack
>new wave of boards
>/vr/, /asp/, /out/, /s4s/, and /lgbt/ if I recall correctly
>while participating in the giant shitstorm centered around /lgbt/, discover a thread made by /tg/
>become fa/tg/uy as well
>have to do summer school again
>11th grade
>stop taking german
>slightly smaller faggot
>shit grades
>shit euphonium skills
>U.S. history teacher is based
>get into discordianism
>timeskip to february
>get diagnosed with depression a week or two before my birthday
>start taking antidepressants
>didn't really help all that much
>grandfather dies a few months later
>right before finals
>never sent any emails or anything
>just assumed that he'd be fine
>probably going to hate myself for that for the rest of my life
>have to do summer school again
>12th grade
>another slight decrease in overall faggotry
>no motivation whatsoever
>no plans for the future
>never had a job
>no talents
>no hobbies other than shitposting, playing vidya, and listening to music
>kissless virgin
>still don't have a driver's license
>me and flutist are the only two people from our circle of friends still in band
>everyone else either graduated or quit
>younger brother is in 6th grade
>brother does band
>chooses euphonium
>he really looks up to me
>god knows why
>grades still shit
>gamergate happens
>parents+sister are kool-aid drinking aGGros
>brother+friends don't care
>antidepressants still not working
>switching schools next semester
>everything is on computers
>you can skip stuff if you already know it
>can't do band any more
>had anger problems for most of my life
>hurt other kids, broke things
>(mostly) under control now
>if it wasn't for the fact that I never have any money, I'd probably be addicted to something by now
>have almost every detail of my suicide planned out
>probably going to go through with it if I can't get my shit together by the end of the year
22a9a2 No.226
>>225Almost forgot:
>definitely going to kill myself if gamergate fails>vidya is one of the few things that helped me get this far>I don't want to watch a bunch of psuedo-liberal self appointed moral gaurdians take a giant shit on one of the only things keeping me from becoming an hero 18ebb8 No.230
I'll start at 17
>Trying to get a gf
>Met a girl that likes me
>get her number
>text all the time
>finally ask her out
>says she want's to see a movie
>Say I'll meet her there
>It's a town over so a 15 minuet walk
>I run so I'm not late
>It was mid December
> I was standing in the cold looking for her
>she's not here
>call her up
>ask where she is
>wait you really fell for that? I'd never go out with you
>she laughs
>tells me to fuck off
>I feel broken
>call my father to pick me up
>I didn't tell him about the date
>I just told him some lie about meeting friends here and they couldn't go last minuet
>he knew what happened though
>after the new year I just keep crushing on girls
>feel shitty most of the time
>this goes on till I graduate that year
>go to college, but live at home still
>meet new people
>still trying very hard to get a girl
18
>going to college
>I join a gaming club
>everyonme is pretty cool
>we're all friends
>I'm closer to a few more then others
>one of the close friends has a house party
>I go
>the day I never though would come came
>met a really cute guy
>evrything in my head starts clicking
>the feelings I was holding back since middle school
>I still won't admit it
>I can't be
>the next night I'm back home in bed
>I can't stop thinking about him
>"But you like girls too, right!"
>I might just be bi
>time goes on with these thoughts
>now I'm confused and I'm scared to talk about it
>just before I turn 19 I talk to a childhood friend about it
>I tell her I think I might like guys
>we talk for a little and I feel a little better
>not by much though
1/3
18ebb8 No.231
>>23019
>New Years 2010 >Friends and I go to the city (NYC)>bar hopping all night>I get really trashed >I'm far from new to drinking at this point >4 bars and about a bottle of vodka later>I'm blackout drunk>I come out as loud as I can >I say it the whole cab ride back to Queens>Wake up the next day and I'm told what I did and said>I said I was both gay and bi a good 100 times >They're all cool with it>I stay the same sad self Skip to 2011
>get a soul crushing retail job>now I have money >still in college>still in the closet >never bring up the gay/bi thing again>think about it every single night Skip to 2012
20-21
>in my last year >I was only going for 2 years >met a girl >she likes me>I think I like her maybe>we start going out >I tell her I've never been with a girl >never told her about the thing when I was 17>she has a lot issues >crys a lot >lots of issues>I deal with it >I never show my soft side>She was selfish with me>she used to be a cutter>a few months in >she asks why we never have sex>we fool around and get each other off >never have sex>I won't go down on her >this goeso n for 9 months>the time comes and we have sex>for less then 3 minuets>the only way I can stay hard is thinking about gay stuff>turns out I'm gay >we STILL date till 11 months in>I break up with her >move on not even caring that much we broke up>I was happy it was over>In this time I wento to a new college for photo >I'm still working my shit job 2/3
18ebb8 No.232
>>230>>23122-23 (now)
>I tell myself I'm gay most days>I find girls cute, but have zero sex drive for them>STILL in the closet >gays around me in a fucking art school and I won't come out>my job is crushing my will to care about anything>sad most days >all my friends are busy>Best Friend from hometown is away for school>Best Friend from last College moved far away >we talk on Skype most days (still do)>most days I just go to school go to work go home>see nobody never go out >stay in my room alone >my feelings are eating at me>I want to go to an away school upstate >don't have thr grades or the cash >feel like I will find who I am if I go away >I could come out I could be happy>I make up a pipe dream of how it will play out>it never happens >I never sign up for classes >start working shit soul crushing job 6 days a week >making under 400 a week, 350 if I'm lucky>I go to work>go home>play viyda and skype friend>drink >go to bed and do it all over again>sleep 3-5 hours a day>hate everything and everyone >have an idea in my head>I'm going to turn this around!>I'm going to make this photo thing work>if not I can do better then this >October last year>quit sihtty job >feels great >now to make this work >can't get anything >can't get hired >feel useless >won't go back to a soul crushing job >weeks become months>here I am >no job>STILL in the closet >scared to talk to my hometown friends about it >they all have jobs they want >they all have gfs >I sleep and be useless all day >want to move away >out of this state >have no real skills >can't get a real job >too stupid for a real job>have an idea of something I want to do>find out it will never pay more then 40k tops >have no idea how I can enter that with no proof if skills in it>starting to make a video game with two old college friends>it's all I have going for me and it won't pay off for a good 1-2 years>feel like I fuck up everything I do and touch>I'm stuck and I have no idea what I can do anymore. I should add I have not cried in 11 years and I'm scared to come out mostly because I'm scared of showing my feelings. I feel weak if I show my feelings. I'm fucking useless.
3/3
18ebb8 No.233
>>225>>226Stay strong, Anon. GG is one of the only things that keeps me going these days. Every tweet I read from them is a kick in the balls that keeps me fighting. It's part of why I started making a game with my friends. I don't think I could kill myself. I'm too scared of dying. However I don't take care of myself and I drink a lot. Cancer, heart disease and Alzheimer's runs in my family, so I'm fucked anyway. I joke a lot about not making it past 50. Fuck I', near half way if that's true…
22a9a2 No.243
>>232>I feel weak if I show my feelingsI'm not a gayfag, but I know that feel.
What's your game about?
18ebb8 No.247
>>243We're really early in. It's a side scrolling action game. symphony of the night/ souls inspiration.
7f2f61 No.268
>>173(I feel like such a twat bc i posted this in the wrong thread)
Fuck it lets do this
>born into slightly poor family>barely remember early childhood>i remember being a little autist though>primary school.png>no friends, constant bullying. I didnt care i had my toys and my vidya>midway through primary i start playing/watching 18 rated stuff bc my parents didnt really care or understand what the age rating was>made me semi popular bc i knew about cool edgy stuff like sex>skip to secondary school>instantly become the punching bag of my entire class but meet a couple of friends in a different group who were nice to me>hang out with new group for about two years had so much fun being nerdy and playing vidya>in year nine now (britfag)>drift away from friends after aqquire an real life gf>she is schizo and self harms>i love her anyway>slowely i begin to become depressed and start self harm>grades drop as low as they get>i get kicked out of school for not going to class ever>homeschooled for a while which basically was never doing any work and staying in bed until gf got out of school and then fucking her until she had to go>parents send me to nearby college to do my gcse there>break up with gf absolutely soul crushing but hey i dont self harm anymore>get addicted to smoking>just turned 16 >lonely af>college is chill but smoke to much weed while there.So yh thats my life in short
left out minor details though. stuff that happened along the way is
>get molested at age 8>almost lose my dad>a few suicide attempts during homeschool phase>oh and i watched someone have a heart attack and was too scared to helpYou can call me a faggot now or something
ec0dfd No.294
I don't even know what to write
0b2e6b No.400
d0ac20 No.456
Where do I even begin, bullied heavily in elementary school and because of that, I now have trust issues and intense hatred for anything that reminds me of childhood in general, be it mine or someone else's. As soon as I got to middle/high school, things got better, until I just couldn't take it and tried to kill myself by jumping in front of a car at school during lunch. He swerved and I ran away. A year later I took every pill I could find in my medicine cabinet, and eventually went got taken to the hospital, where docs thought I had appendicitis. They never found out the truth cause they didn't do a blood test.
I've had a gf for over 2 years now and she's told me to get help for a while now, because I probably have bipolar disorder (Happy and upbeat for a week, then deeply depressed/suicidal + extremely easily angered the next week). She told me she'd leave me if I didn't find help, so I made up a story that I talked to Kid's Help Phone (Canada here) and she believed me. Now I really love her, but I have a really emotional spot for another girl who I've known before I started dating my gf, She's had 2 suicide attempts as well, but her parents and docs know about them and she's on antidepressants.
Now here's the thing, I love both of them, my gf knows I like her, but we had an argument where we almost broke up about it. Thing is, the other girl is the source of a lot of my problems, and I want to tell her that (she doesn't know my past) but I can barely ever talk to her. My gf is moving across the country for uni next year and I'm staying where I am, so we both know we're going to break up because of it, but that doesn't bother me for some reason, even though it should. Maybe the other girl likes me, because she's one year younger that me and wants me to take her to her prom.
My gf wants me to go see a psychologist and find out what's wrong with me, but if I do that, and the psych diagnoses me with bipolar disorder, then my chances of getting into my dream career (airline pilot) are 100% over, and the college application that got accepted for it is useless, but I'm failing physics right now with a 35% average right now, math with a 60% so my chances are kinda shot anyway. I can't study or work because I completely lack the motivation, and I don't do any work at all.
Sorry for the incoherant and rambling letter, but I just needed to rant.
please help\
ece5b5 No.457
>>456i'm gonna sound like a cliché but stay strong anon, if you wanna talk i'm here for you.
d0ac20 No.461
>>456>>457Just kill me now…
d0ac20 No.462
I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitchin' myself for leads in other people's dreams now
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Doc there's a hole where something was
Doc there's a hole where something was…
d0ac20 No.529
Did everyone forget about this thread?
ce41d6 No.530
>>529It's a very small board at this point. No one forgot, there's just not enough people currently to keep it active with new comments.
ec0dfd No.533
>>529I still don't know what to write.
d0ac20 No.556
>>533Greentext yourself man
ec0dfd No.559
>>556I would
But I
don't know what to
writeI'm still thinking