e103ce No.179
Hi /sad/
So, uh, where to begin.
About 4 months ago or so my girlfriend and I split up, we had planned it and knew it was coming, even agreeing that this would happen before we started dating. So I shouldn't be kicking myself for it or anything. But, in summary, I courted and loved this girl for over a year, then we dated and I've never been happier.
Then the summer ended, our plan to break up happened, she went to study abroad and I happened to fall into #GamerGate.
Over the past few months I've had a lot of friends move away (I'm out of college for a year and some change now) and one of my favorite places in town to go to just closed. Over the past month or so I've been feeling sadder and sadder.
I have a therapist, and have had one for over a year, dealing with Gender Dysphoria, something which I felt I was "cured" of when I was loved by my previous girlfriend, because she made me feel accepted and loved and she loved me for me.
Anyway, so her and I still talk and are still friends, but I finally put the nail in the coffin (she already has gotten over me) and I made an OkCupid profile.
So far it's just been really really depressing. I wrote up a nice profile, and I've answered over 400 of those little questions they ask you, and the more I answer the more and more the match ratings on the women in my area go down and the enemy goes up. It just makes me feel that answering honestly is somehow wrong or something, or wonder what if I'm really just a bad person?
I've been demotivated, my therapist has asked me about my feelings and seems to imply that I'm depressed (having said that I've been a lot sadder recently and as low as she's seen me throughout the whole year), work sucks and I want while I think suicide is really low, I just don't even know what to feel or do anymore and I have no idea what to do anymore. I'm trying, I really am, I'm trying to be out there on OkCupid, I messaged 2 people the other day giving book recommendations, but no response.
sigh.
advice? thoughts? kind words?
9941f1 No.182
I don't really have much to say, Anon, but I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
It's probably for the best that you and your ex don't speak anymore; holding on only hurts more - I speak from experience. I mean, it's your call of course, but all it's going to do is break your heart more if you still love her.
And man, don't even bother fucking around with OKCupid. I've had an account for like two years and I've literally answered 2200 of those questions (all honestly). I've received MAYBE like two dozen profile views (not even MESSAGES, just views) and no one ever replies to my messages (and no, I don't send sperg-tier messages lol).
e103ce No.183
>>182I do still love her. But I know it's over and I've accepted that fact. She's distanced herself from me over the months, slowly, but it's hurt more and more because I'm very aware of her doing it, and she tells me honestly when she does. So. Yeah, if nothing else her and my relationship was based on honesty.
I want her to be happy, so I'm try to do the whole 'if you love X let X go free' thing and to not be a burden to her, so I try to hide a lot of my pain from her, but the few times we've skyped I always end up breaking down crying for some reason or another, and I feel terrible after because I know that puts her in a bad situation. But I just keep doing it, so it makes me ask myself if I'm somehow being emotionally abusive to her in that way? Or if I'm just so angry with myself that I latch onto any excuse to be angry with me so I can feel something besides sadness and loneliness.
One of my friends met their boyfriend through OkCupid and it's working really well for them, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Then another friend I was talking to the other day started one, and they're already chatting it up with girls and stuff. Meanwhile I'm sitting here wondering what I'm doing wrong.
I just want some friends you know? Is that so bad?
fddde9 No.221
OP Here.
My parents argued during Christmas. With company over.
They're both over 50 and probably unlikely to get a divorce because of religion, but god. They're both so bitter with each other and it drives me crazy. They're the definition of a loveless marriage.
165cb5 No.1261
>>221
wherever you are anon, best of luck.
a0f96d No.1268
>2014
Its been that long huh?