/sad/ - Depressed

Need help with my life, I really don't know what to do anymore, or if I should do anything at all

This is going to be a VERY long post, but advices will be very much appreciated since I have no one to talk to.

I recently failed an exam, one that was crucial in order to keep studying. Since I failed, I have nothing to do the next semester and I can't take the courses until the first semester of the year 2016. This may not seem like a big deal to some people, and for those who have a lots of things to struggle may seem silly; but the situation is a little bit more complicated for me: I'm already a year behind, the next year will be my fourth year in college and all my peers will be graduating (probably) while I'll still be in my second year

"That's what you get for being a lazy faggot" would be an understandable answer, that's what I tell myself everyday.
It has become harder and harder to do anything since I was a teenager, I was depressed back then but I thought that teenagers are supossed to be moody so is not big deal, but it didn't stop when I entered my twenties and it seems is not stoping now; am I just blaming depression for may failures?, maybe, I'm retarded even without being depressed, but is not helping
I may or may not have add/adhd, the usual problems for focus could be caused by my average mood or may have a neurological cause (which seems reasonable once I read that add/adhd people tend to get sleepy with coffee just like me, having also all the related symptoms). It doesn't stop there, I'm so fucked up that you may believe this is bait, but I'm autistic as fuck; I'm not kidding here, and I tried to consider myself normal for a long time, but I fit in a long of symtomps: I always want to wear the exactly same outfit (when I was a kid my parents struggle with my to change my winter/summer clothes); unable to have any kind of social relation, even being with people makes me unease (it was the cause I ate my lunch in the toilet the last semester)

Even if I'm not too old (22), I'm just not sure what to do now. I'm so behind in my career I may as well drop it and do something else, but that something else would be getting a job, and then what?
The main reason because I picked my degree was doing something new, it took me a while to realize that my stupidity will not allow me do such thing.

Then I figured that if I'm going to work for the solely reason of keeping my rotten body alive (futile attempt) I could kill myself and save me the troubles.

It wasn't the failed exam, but it certainly worked like a trigger to everything that has been happening to me for a while. Failing here fucked lots of things ahead, this is why I was plaining to kill myself (somehow) f I failed here.

The only reason I haven't killed myself yet because my dad would be sad, and somehow I can picture to a certain extent how painful would the suicide of a son be. Sometimes this makes me desire his death too, I know it's fucked up, but I have thought about killing him before commited suicide (I don't hate him, is exactly the opposite).

I'm going to get an appointment with a therapist next monday, it may be of some help, but it will be next monday and, as ridiculous as it sounds, I'd like to "talk" with someone now.