/sad/ - Depressed

Ok, so I am new here. You all don't have to read this, but it would be nice to know if someone gives a shit. I see a lot of people posting about their problems on /suicide/, but I couldn't kill myself so I figured I'd post to you guys/girls. Sometimes people help, sometimes people shit talk. Quite frankly, I just have to get some stuff off my chest. Like, I left home, moved cities, started at the Art Institute International of Kansas City, and it all went down hill at a rather quick pace.
sure, almost all of this probably sounds like some whiney 19 year old male who needs to man the fuck up, but like I said, I just need to vent a bit, and it'd be nice if someone out there would listen.
So basically, you walk in to Ai International Kc and it's just one big socialite fuck fest with with guys and girls fresh out of who gives a shit, that can only afford to go to this expensive ass institution with their rich daddy's money (that buys them Starbucks Coffee every morning), and there is me, there I am. Singled out. Alone with nothing but 50 cents to my name. Usually in the corner by choice so I don't embarrass myself. Here with nothing but the clothes on my back, Ill equipped, armed with a pencil and paper that will never actually have notes written on them because the pencil/paper method is obsolete. Everything is done on a computer now but I can't afford one. Everyone around me has their eyes lit up by some bright monitor where they can read the digital text books that we pay a hundred dollars for, that I can't afford because my parents are literally scraping up what money they can to send me here. It is hard to take notes in a dark class room. It is nice to make an effort, though, although an effort won't pass your classes, just as an effort won't make any difference in the real world. You need to give up your soul. I came to this insane asylum of debt thinking I could do it, but the accelerated educational system has chewed me up, and spit me out, and threw me on the ground, leaving me behind. I came here, clean cut as I could get, as prepared as my wallet could make me (which apparently I needed more), and I have been done in by the beast. There is no sure fact I will be able to make it here, in fact, the Dean says there's not really even a chance of me making it. I am not meeting the requirements set by the system. College is no place for the common man anymore, nor is it really for the intelligent, but for the wealthy. I am no rags-to-riches story. Already thousands of dollars in debt and almost no hope to return to school, and the fear of going back home as a disappointment. Then again, that is the question, the undecided ultimatum; whether to return home, beaten, to a disapointed family that says they will always love you anyway, or to end all disappointment, and save myself the looks that I will receive back home from friends, family, enemies. I doomed myself from the start. "So much potential" everyone said. Maybe I just applied all of that potential in the wrong feild of work. Maybe I just didn't really have all the potential that I thought I had. Parents tell their children that they can be whatever they want to be- that is bullshit. Don't tell your kids that. Tell your kids that you can be this or that because that's what you can afford to send them to school for, because in the end, that's the truth. Kids these days, we were pampered. We weren't taught to deal with failure. We weren't taught how to cope with defeat. Even me, I learned how to lose, to take a loss, I wrestled my whole life learning the difference between success and failure, but even to me, this blow is devastating. Maybe it's because money isn't just something my family has, which is why this has such an effect on me. I don't know. Any child in my position though that hasn't been taught to deal with loss, they are all going to end up with a bullet it the head or a major vain slit into, or best car scenario, they stay alive and develop some drug addiction that helps numb the pain of being a fucking disappointment. I don't know what to do. I think in the end it's the suicidal thoughts that end up doing you in.