/sad/ - Depressed

>>55
My problem is I have a deep hatred of alcohol. It's a terrible inconvenience for a uni student. She likes to drink to unwind from studying hard and working late nights. My mom's drinking led caused constant fights a few times a week between my parents, and the only time I really knew my mom when she wasn't drunk, asleep, or listless was when I was very young. This went on until I was 16, when it finally killed her. Alcohol fucked up my entire childhood, I've seen the damage it can do, and while I can let my friends do what they want, I can't bring myself to tolerate it in someone I have an intimate relationship with. Every time I have obliquely suggested she shouldn't drink at all (she knows I disapprove and she knows my situation with alcohol) she sort of snaps like "What so I can't drink at all??" but all she's shown me is that she is incapable of drinking responsibly.

>>56
After the call, we said we would talk again in a few days. I love her but I'm so conflicted, and I think she's given up. She sounds like she doesn't want to have a boyfriend anymore not because of me but because she wants to be free to be stupid without disappointing someone. Sorry for the disjointed and out of order thoughts. I have a history of depression (most likely due to my aforementioned childhood) and my mom's side has a long history of alcoholism and depression. I was so, so, so fucking happy with her just a month ago. I wish we could go back to it but we never can. In a way I'm furious at her for ruining how good everything was. I'm just full of despair. I've been skipping every class I can find any excuse to not go to. I haven't been doing any work. I can't find any motivation to do anything, and it's not like I'm exactly a go-getter normally.

I just want some comfy supportive posts. I haven't cried since I was 8 or 9 and I absolutely bawled (she did too) on the phone with her.

I'm really, really saddened by this OP (I realize how fucking fake that might come across, but I'm being genuine). It's hard for me to even imagine how tough things are right now. Take it from someone who went through something similar: don't (and I know it's hard) start skipping a lot of classes; believe me, I screwed up my life pretty bad and that was a big factor. Do you have friends that you can lean on for support? The best way to help keep moving is to not isolate yourself. I'm not saying you have to start attending every party and concert that you hear about, but it's important to just keep up the small things like talking to people and being around others in general - obviously it's too soon to think about it seriously, but maybe one of those people could end up being the girl for you.

Long distance relationships really don't end well unfortunately. The sad reality is that people really change quite a bit when they're young; sadly, a lot of people end up following the "I need to discover myself" route AKA: other people. It's sad, but it was, is and always be a part of human nature even though other people can and will be hurt in the process. As you said, she really doesn't sound like she wants to be in a relationship any longer. As much as this sucks, you need to know that there really is nothing you can do apart from growing a gold plated cock that squirts nickels that is going to change this - and if you try to get her to change her mind, you're only going to cause her to pull away faster and cause resentment. If I were you two, I would try not to speak for at least two weeks (unless of course something urgent arises).

Logically, I know you know that cheating really is unforgivable. I know there's also another part of you that is trying your best to justify not being upset because you still need to view her as she once was. I'm not trying to demonize her or something, but the fact is that she broke your trust and did not respect you OR your relationship when she went and did that. And I can understand how this would definitely be even worse when you've had to experience the harsher sides of alcohol abuse with your mother. Do you think perhaps that there's a part of your subconscious that lead you to seek out a girl who (potentially) has self-destructive tendencies? Perhaps you're trying to recreate that chaos (obviously not on purpose) on some deeper level; it's quite common that people do that.

As for your depression - have you or are you open to seeing a therapist? Your school will almost certainly offer free counseling services; I'd really recommend them if they're available. You need to do your best to look at this situation objectively: do you want her back after this? Remember what has taken place. Are you happy with yourself? Perhaps you'd like to lose some weight - this is the perfect time to see about going to the gym. Extrapolate off of these as you may; you need to focus on you right now because at the end of the day, YOU are the one person that you will always have in this life.

>>59
Thanks anon

We're waiting several days to talk about things some more, which is close to what you suggested. I still have hope that I can save it.

She didn't start drinking and partying really until she left for school. Part of the reason I felt so secure with the distance is because (at the time) I (thought) I knew she hated it as much as I did. You have a good point though, I knew she drank occasionally with her friends, so it's possible.
I'm already in pretty good shape. I'm at about 15% bf, I don't have all that much weight to lose, and I'm pretty close to as much muscle mass as I can gain without finding more time to work out and enough money to use pre-workout and more protein.

I actually don't feel as bad as I thought I would. I'm just kind of vaguely down. I think crying was therapeutic, and we had a healthy, honest talk. I tried getting Tinder to branch out a bit, but my ipad (cheap prepay phone, I won the ipad as a door prize) has a glitch preventing me from connecting it to facebook (which it requires).

I really hate everyone at my school, which doesn't help. Greek life is extremely pervasive, someone is assaulted or drugged in a frat house almost every weekend, what seems like over half the school's priority is getting drunk, and *every* sorority is the slutty sorority.

I've been depressed for a long time and never seen a therapist yet. I don't know why. Maybe I'll look into it.

Thank you anon.

OP, I am not going to even bother reading the other posts, because after reading the first its pretty clear that you need to cut ties with her

She has already shown she doesn't care enough for you to save herself for you, and she isn't trustworthy. what makes you think that is going to change?

She isn't going to change for you, and she never will, because she has shown she doesn't even value you. Just get any of your items that she may have, then cut off contact with her.

>>68
>>72
Gotta agree with these.

I hope you're doing a bit better, OP.

>>73
Also, OP if you see this: I was the original guy talking to you but my ID has obviously changed since then since it's been awhile.