Heaven is Terrifying

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Heaven is Terrifying Anonymous 06/07/15 (Sun) 21:16:27 384ac3 No.740

I don't know why I'm writing this.

I can't take it anymore, /sad/. Tears fall from my eyes as I commit these words to text.

I know song related is ponyfag/10, but it's instrumental, and it really fucking captures my feel. Heaven is Terrifying, /sad/.

Outwardly, I appear mostly normal. Everyone sees me as being strong, confidant, and attractive. Sounds great, right? Here's the thing; I am none of those things. I am half insane, I'm self-conscious to the point of hating practically everything about myself, I think I'm ugly as fuck; I'm covered in scars and am skinny as fuck with a nose that has obviously been broken more than once, and my body is all fucked up and dis-proportioned.

I soldier on, under the appearance of popularity, while in reality, I have two or three friends who never talk to me. I have a gf, but her family hates me for some reason and won't allow her to see me. I feel like I disappoint her with everything I do. My Mother is dying. My Father is dead. My brother is dying, and by other brother died overseas. All of my Grandparents are dead. I live with a friend, but I don't feel welcome. I turn to chan to comfort me, but I get called a normie faggot by everyone I meet, even people from /sad/ and /suicide/. I feel as though I am truly alone. I do not want to live this life anymore. Everything comes easy to me, but I have no motivation, and I am so judgmental that I can't do anything or talk to anyone in person because I find myself hating them for some petty reason. I am already dying on the inside, what point is there in living on the outside?

Anonymous 06/07/15 (Sun) 22:40:10 f2a37a No.741

Man. I'm the same… I'm losing everything. I want to die but i'm a pussy. I live with my parents who just see me as a huge disappointment. I fucked up my life I want a girl who doesn't want me or she can't or whatever bullshit excuse she comes up with. I'm alone. I have nothing. No one. I get told I look quite attractive I get told i'm such a caring person and selfless but the people who say that shit leave they always leave. The only thing that has actually helped me is self harm because I have nothing else to turn to. No friends, no supportive family, no therapy hell I only come on here to see how other people are doing and bitch about my problems. I wish I wasn't a pussy I wish I could end this all. I live in Britain and want to move to America for the sole reason that I can get a gun and end it quick. Maybe even break into someones house and have them shoot me. Just get it over and done with. I'm tired of living. Around 8 months to a year i'll be dead and all i've done is hurt people, get hurt and browse fucking Facebook, 8chan and play games.