>>28>Like at parties I can make shit loads of friends but they always flake after a month or two. No reason given.Don't blame yourself for that at all, Anon. Parties aren't exactly the best place to find long lasting friends just as bars aren't exactly the best place for chicks who are looking for the father of their future kids or how it isn't the best place for guys to find Ms. Right.
>Also it'd destroy him to know any of it. Is it possible that this is actually true though? What I mean is that it could be a defense mechanism you've unconsciously got since you already don't feel comfortable.
>One minite parents are fighting next minute they love eachother. To concerned with themselves to see how hurt I was.I'd look into getting a new councilor/therapist if possible. It sounds to me like that's the main reason you have problem getting close to others now - that's not because you're stupid or anything; it's because of how life was presented to you, unfortunately in this case. It's not your fault that your family is the way it is, but it IS up to you to stop the cycle: not for them, but for you.
>I just want to keep drinking until eventually my liver fails or I get alcohol poisoning and can just die and fade away. I'll give you a protip: that's not a fun thing to go through and it's a lot harder than it sounds. I know the same feeling of just wanting to die; it's something that's always around for me, too. You've got to have beat it though - you can be happy. It's hard, but it's worth it when you get it.
>>29Nah, man. It's cool. I'm from the internet - I have thick skin lel.
And it's totally understandable that you're afraid of getting better. Once you get so used to something, it's hard to imagine things changing; like Stockholm Syndrome in certain respects.